APOV
After my mother left, with Taylor. I told Kate, I would call her later. We were planning on looking through bridal magazines. But since Christian is home, we need to talk now. Kate just left.
"I can't believe your own fucking mother would do that!" Christian growls out.
"I told you she has no filter. She says things and then turns them around, like she didn't mean anything by it. Some of the things she's said were awful."
"She sure put a on a front around me." He shakes his head. "I'm sure she would of leaked our fucking wedding location had she known that! Good thinking, not telling her. And your dress..." He again, shakes his head. "Thank fuck, she doesn't know shit about the wedding! Now I see why you didn't want us to meet. I'd rather meet Ray the first time, a hundred times over. He was just an over-protective father looking out for his little girl. She-"
"Christian I know what she's like. She's my mother. Can we not talk about her right now? We need to have a serious discussion."
"I know." He still sounds very upset.
"You're very grumpy."
"I wonder why that is?" He looks at my bandage.
"Christian, can you just forget about that right now? It's good to set the right tone for an intimate and honest discussion about our future, don't you think?" I smile at him.
"You're right. I'm sorry."
"Apology accepted."
Now... Where do we talk? I know this is our home, but we have staff and I want privacy.
"Come with me."
I walk to our room... his room... no, our room. Christian following me like a lost puppy. It hurts to see him like this. I want to comfort him. But I know I have to stay strong. If I look into those big beautiful gray eyes, I know I will fumble. I can't. This is serious. I need to know if he can do without the BDSM, forever. Can I ask him to do this for me? If he wants us to get married, he'll have to. He said he didn't need it anymore. That he needed me. But last night proved he still needs that control. That lifestyle. I need to know...
We're getting married. It's forever or never.
I walk into the room and sit in the middle of the bed. I cross my legs, getting comfortable for our long talk. Christian takes off his suit jacket and tie, then sits next to me so we are facing each other.
"Now. Let's talk.-
-Christian, what you did to me last night... The punishment fuck. That is unacceptable. You didn't trust me. You jumped to your own conclusions, when you saw those pictures. And you didn't talk to me first. It was like Paul Clayton with Jose all over again. You getting jealous over a male friend. I don't know why you got so jealous when you saw the photos of me hugging another man. Don't you trust me? It was just a friendly hug. His arms were not anywhere inappropriate. I hug my dad, Kate, Jose, many other people. It's not like my tongue was down his throat. I would never do that to you. I love you too much. I can't live without you, I'm not going to jeopardize that. And even if it was, you should still talk to me. Not punish me. You need to trust me. That's what people do when they love each other. There are a lot of women, that are swooning over you, constantly. I don't think you're going to do anything unfaithful with them. Not for all the tea in China. I trust you. Please, extend me the same courtesy to me. But your trust issues are not the only thing we need to discuss."
"I trust you implicitly, Anastasia. It's other men, I don't trust."
"That's like saying you don't trust me. Men may come onto me, and they do." (My boss for example.) "I say no. I have you. I love you. I know you're extremely possessive. But you have no reason to be jealous. I go to bed with you every night and wake up devoted to you and only you, every morning. You say you trust me but, you took your anger out on me via a punishment fuck. You didn't take your anger out on Ethan, not that I'd want you to. If you trusted me, you wouldn't have done anything because you know I wouldn't do anything. You would trust, that I wouldn't do anything. Because I wouldn't."
"The day I met you, my life changed. Anastasia, I have spent all my adult life trying to avoid any extreme emotion. You bring out feelings that are completely unknown to me. I can't explain, how much you mean to me. How much I love you. I never knew it could mean this much. I lost control, I don't want to lose you. I can't. I see your pain and it's hard, knowing that I'm the one who has made you feel this way. Please, forgive me. I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so fucking sorry."
I quickly look down, avoiding his eyes. I can't look at him when he looks like that. "You're trusting me is not the only issue here, Christian. We've discussed your need for BDSM before. You told me you didn't want or need that anymore. I don't want to keep having this conversation. I need to know, Christian. Once and for all. Before we get married. Is that what you need? Do. You. Want. That."
"I admit I like control, Anastasia. I always will. It's who I am. I'm not telling you it's going to be easy for me. I've done that for 13 years, it's all I know. But, I'm trying to change for you."
"I don't want you to change. I love the way you are. I'm not trying to change you. That's not what I want. I just hope, I'm not forcing you to be someone you're not. If that's what you want to do, then do that. But, let me know now. Before, it's too late. Before, we get married. Because if that's what you need, we can't be together. I just can't do BDSM with you. You told me you didn't need that. That you didn't want that lifestyle anymore. But, nothing's changed. Last night proved that. That you do need BDSM. I've told you. I can't do that. I can't. I can't be what you want me to be."
"You are what I want you to be."
"No, Christian. I'm not." I wipe a tear that has fallen.
"You're upset because of what happen last night. I behaved stupidly. We agreed, I wouldn't hit you with implements. I thought orgasm denial would be a suitable punishment. I should have read the article, before I let it get too far. I'm sorry."
"Christian, I only agreed to kinky fuckery. Just kinky sex between lovers, remember. Last night, was too much. You went too far. You punished me. That is what is unacceptable. The punishment. Even if Ethan wasn't a close friend. You should of talked to me." I take a deep breath. "Talk to me, but it's not okay to punish me. Ever. For any reason. It's clear to me you still want that lifestyle. You need it. And if you need it..." I wipe another tear, they wont stop falling. This is so hard. It hurts to think of losing, Christian. He reaches over and wipes another. I lean into his hand.
"I need you more, Anastasia. I don't want to lose you, baby. I can't lose you. No punishments. I can do that."
He seems to be thinking about something. He wipes more of my tears and then takes his hand away from my cheek. "In truth, I enjoy punishing you. I don't think the urge will ever go. ... You let me spank you. You don't mind if I spank you?"
Well...
"No, not really. I didn't mind that." I squirm. "Especially with those silver balls." I slightly blush, remembering those balls.
"Yes." He smirks. "That was fun." His eyes glowing with excitement. More than fun.
"However, not for cruel and unusual punishments."
"I understand that. Not for punishment. But, we can still play? We can do what I like to do?"
"Yes." I whisper. "I told you, I like your kinky fuckery."
He smirks. "I know." He gets serious again. "So, am I forgiven?"
"No more punishments? No more BDSM?"
"None. Just kinky sex. I promise."
"Oh, Christian. I never thought I'd love you so much. What I feel for you frightens me. I'm afraid I wont be enough for you. I'm afraid you'll leave me. If you ever leave me, I'd be completely broken. I'd be a ghost of a girl." I wipe more tears.
"I will never leave you. You mean too much to me. Anastasia, my world was ordered, calm, and controlled, until I met you. You, and your smart mouth, your innocence, your beauty. Everything before you was just dull, empty, nothing. Then I fell in love. I fell in love with you, Anastasia, I love you. Vous me faites complète." (You make me complete.)
"What?" I sniff. What did he say?
"It's French. 'You make me complete'."
I smile brightly at him. "I didn't know you spoke French! I hear Paris is lovely."
"It's beautiful. Have you been?"
I shake my head. "I've never left mainland USA."
"Would you like to go?"
"To Paris?" I squeak. "Of course, who wouldn't. But it's England I'd really like to visit." I've always dreamed of going. He has a weird look on his face for a moment, then quickly turns impassive. "Say something else."
"Je t'aime, bébé." (I love you, baby.)
"More." I breath.
"Je t'aime tant. Je ne savais pas ce que signifiait l'amour, jusqu'à ce que je vous ai rencontré." (I love you so much. I didn't know what love meant, until I met you.)
"More!" Hearing Christian speak French, is such a fucking turn on! I don't know what he is saying, but he's so hot!
"J'aime ton sourire. Vous êtes si belle putain quand vous souriez." (I love your smile. You're so fucking beautiful when you smile.) He cups my chin and runs his thumb across my lip. I bet he said something about me biting my lip. I giggle.
"Oh, Christian." I climb into his lap. "I love you!" I kiss him.
"Oh, Ana." He breaths. I can hear the emotion coming from him. He wraps his strong arms around me. My safe haven.
"Tu es à moi et je suis à toi. Toujours." (You're mine and I'm yours. Always.) He kisses me.
He moves us so I am laying down and he is hovering above me. He kisses me. And he lifts my dress up, taking it off me. Kissing down my body. I arch my back. He takes off my panties, slowly. Then takes off his clothes. Unbuttoning his shirt, throwing it on the floor, unseen. He stands to take his pants and boxer briefs off. He gets back on top of me, gently opening my legs for him. He settles between them and kisses me sweetly.
"J'ai besoin de toi. Seulement toi." (I need you. Only you.)
He slowly sinks into me. He kisses me and starts to move. Grinding into me. He doesn't thrust into me, just keeps grinding. Pushing into me, circling his hips. OH! If he keeps that up, I may come sooner than he'd like me to. Ah! He continues to grind into me, not stopping. I moan.
"Christian!" I call out as I come, much too soon.
"Bientôt, vous serez ma femme." He continues. (Soon, you will be my wife.)
He slows and puts both his hands in my hair. Kissing me. Once I've calmed, he continues to grind and now thrust into me. It's slow and sweet. He's making love to me. He pulls out and pushes back in. Then grinds into me. Oh the grinding! He pulls out again and pushes back in, grinding. He continues until I start to build again.
"D'avoir et de tenir." (To have and to hold.)
I come again, moaning my release. I raise my knees up higher and wrap my arms around his back. He shifts so my legs are draped over his arms. He slows, holding off his orgasm again. He kisses me, continuing to slowly thrusts into me.
After I'm calm, he puts my legs back down and speeds up. Thrusting into me. He reaches down and starts playing with my clit at a fast pace. While grinding into to me slowly. Oh god! I grab his forearm, and wrap my other hand around his back. I tilt my head back. He kisses my jaw and I come.
"Pour aimer et à chérir." (To love and to cherish.)
He again, slows his pace and kisses me. Continuing, only after I've finished coming. Speeding up his thrusts. Pulling back and pushing in, circling his hips. Pulling back out and pushing in again, circling his hips. How is he doing this?! I come so quickly.
"Avec mon corps , je vais vous adorer." (With my body, I will worship you.)
I come. He doesn't. Again. Oh god! What is he doing? He continues to thrust into me. I'm so sensitive.
"Ah! Christian. Christian, Please!"
"I've got you, baby."
I moan. He pulls out and pushes back in. Deeply grinding into me. Again and again.
"Jouir à nouveau, bébé." He whispers in my ear. (Come again, baby.)
Again, I come for him. And he doesn't.
"Please. Please, Christian. Please. No more." I beg. It's too much.
He immediately stops and pulls out. Kissing me sweetly. Not coming once himself.
"Christian-" He cuts me off, kissing me again. Still hovering over me.
"Just for you, Mrs. Grey."
He gets off me and settles next to me. He pulls me to him. I'm panting. I can still feel how hard he is. Why is he punishing himself? No punishments, meant no punishments. Himself included. Oh, Christian.
He's exhausted me. I feel myself drifting. I can't keep my eyes open any longer.
I wake to see the sun just starting setting. I look over and Christian is napping peacefully. What time is it? I look at the clock. Dinner time. Right on cue, my stomach growls. We haven't eaten, yet. All the activities Christian endured on me, left me exhausted and famished. I reach over to wake him. I run my fingers in his soft hair. He stirs but doesn't wake.
"Christian." I gently call his name.
He stirs. "More." He breaths out in his sleep.
I really hope he's not talking about more sex. I don't think I could come again, right now. I came quite a few times, and he didn't even come once. Oh, Christian. He was trying to make up for not letting me come the night before. When will he learn?
I reach down and start to stroke him. Getting him hard and ready. He moans in his sleep. He reflexively thrusts his hips, pushing himself further into my hand. I settle between his legs. I look up. He's still sleeping. I put the tip of him in my mouth and he calls out. Aaahh! I start sucking. Watching him. He starts panting and suddenly his eyes pop open. He quickly looks down and I pull him all the way into my mouth. Sucking him, hard. He hits the back of my throat, and violently comes. Choking me, making me gag. I swallow as much as I can.
"Ah! Fuck! Oh, Fuck! Ah!" He grabs my head, fisting my hair. Still coming into my mouth, it's so much. "Oh, baby! Fuck! Oh! Shit!"
I try my best to swallow him down. But it's too much. Some of his sperm, leaks out of my mouth and down his shaft. He's finally stopped coming. I pull him out of my mouth. I have a mess of him, running down the side of my mouth. I look at his dick and there's a mess on him, too.
"I'm sorry, you came too much." I apologize, explaining why I wasn't able to swallow all he had to give me.
"I'm not." He shakes his head. He pulls me up, wraps his arms around me and kisses me. "I can taste myself. Thank you for that, baby."
"Christian, why did you do that?"
"Do what?"
"You punished yourself."
"I wanted to give you, what I didn't last night. As many orgasms as you could handle. As soon as you told me you couldn't take anymore, I stopped. I didn't want it to be too much for you."
"Baby, we agreed no punishments. That means you, as well. You didn't allow yourself to come, Christian."
"I deserved it. What I don't deserve, is you."
"No-" He kisses me, cutting me off.
We've showered together. One of our, very few and far between, innocent showers. We dress in comfy clothes. Walking to the kitchen holding hands.
"Good evening, Mr. Grey. Ms. Steele. Are you ready for dinner?"
"Yes. Thank you, Gail."
She begins to get what she needs for our mea. "Actually, Gail. I'd like to cook for us tonight, if that's alright."
"Of course, Ana." Gail leaves us.
"Baby-" I interrupt him from another, it's Gail's job speech.
"Christian, if I'm going to live this life, I still have to be me. I enjoy cooking and I can clean up after myself. I'd like to cook for my husband. It's nice to come home to a hot home-cooked meal, that I didn't have to slave over a stove for. But occasionally, I'd like to cook for you. For us."
"Alright, baby. This is your home. I want you comfortable. But, don't expect me to return the favor. Unless, you like brunt toast."
I giggle. "I'd eat it and ask for seconds. Just because you made it for me."
I take the items I need out. I'm going to make my man a steak, with potatoes, macaroni and steamed vegetables. I'm famished. I've been extremely hungry lately. It must be all the sex.
I start thinking of what all we have left to do for the wedding. Kate said her mother has been busy with sketching my dress design, and should be able to show me some ideas for my dress. I need to get flowers. We need to get Kate a maid of honor dress. I still have to confirm our cake with the baker. I wonder what the security issue was that Christian didn't want me to go out with just Sawyer. He couldn't have known about the paparazzi.
"Christian is everything alright. With the security issue, I mean." I ask, as I continue to cook our meal.
"It could be better. I've got someone tailing, Clayton. So, we knew where he is. But, it seems a new issue has come to light." He runs his hand through his hair.
"What is it?" He shakes his head no. "Christian, I need to know. If it involves me, which it does, since I can't leave with just Sawyer. I need to know."
He sighs. "One of my ex-submissives. ... Apparently, she's in a relationship with Clayton. We didn't think her to be a problem. But then someone tried tracking you. It was her brother. Taylor got in contact with him. He said, she had him track all of Clayton's ex-girlfriends. Apparently, she thinks he's trying to get back with an ex. You were the only one of Clayton's ex's that the brother couldn't trace. Welch and Barney, they work for me, they stopped him before he could. We left it, since it didn't seem a direct threat to you. Being that she had him track all Clayton's ex's, not just you. And obviously, you're not the ex he's trying to hook up with. But then, she approached you. I'm not sure why."
"Approached me?" When? I try to think.
Oh god! That girl outside Grey House. I knew I've seen her before. I thought it was in person. But it was in one of the photos Christian had. Oh god!
"Earlier today outside of Grey House." Christian continues. "Sawyer said, he couldn't see her face and didn't want to overreact to another one of your friends. Like he did with the Kavanagh boy. When he realized you didn't know her, he got you out of there and she showed her face to him. He saw it was her and had Ryan call Taylor. Taylor ordered Ryan to follow her and Sawyer to stay with you. Ryan went back to where she was but she was already gone. Now, we can't find her. I don't think she'll do anything. However, as a safety precaution, you'll need two CPOs when you're out in public. Clayton's pissed, he lost everything. And Leila, being with him, now seeking you out. I don't know what she wants. I'm not sure what is going on. But, I won't let anything happen to you."
Wow! My ex and his ex-sub are together. How weird is that? I guess, since she was with Christian, and he only did submissives, that must mean she's a masochist. That's perfert for a sadist like Paul. I wonder what she meant then, when she said, 'They both want you.' Why would Paul 'want' me?
"Maybe she's jealous."
"Of what?"
"Me. I have you. You're giving me, what other's have tried and failed. More. I've succeeded in capturing your heart. I'm also her current boyfriend's ex. That's likely to make her insecure. I've had him, now I have you."
"But, she's with Clayton. She even married after our contract finished, years ago. She wouldn't be jealous."
"When she approached me she said, 'They both want you. Why? What do you have that I don't.' She's obviously talking about you and Paul. Although, I don't know why she'd say Paul wants me."
"I have you baby, I know why men want you. They can't have you though. Tu es à moi. Sule mine." (You're mine. Only mine.)
I giggle. "I love hearing you speak French. Although, I have no idea what you are saying. It's still sexy."
I place his plate in front of him and sit, joining him. He takes a bite moaning.
"Damn, you're a good cook, woman. See, this is why I want to marry you." He continues to eat.
I giggle. "Yeah. That's why."
We finish eating and since it's getting later we go to bed.
We're laying in bed playing with each other's hand. His is so much larger than my small hand. They fit perfectly together. Christian suddenly moves sitting up. I look at him. What is he doing? It better not be more sex. I giggle.
"I don't know what is so funny, but I'll be right back." He kisses my head. "I have something for you." Something for me? What?
He leaves our room and comes back in moments later. He has a small box. I sit up. He climbs back into bed. He opens the box, revealing a beautiful platinum bracelet. It's exquisite. It has hearts intertwining with flowers, there small diamonds in the middle of the flowers.
"Here." Christian take out the bracelet and holds it open.
"Christian." I whisper. Not moving my hand.
He takes my hand, putting the bracelet on my wrist. He lifts my hand and kisses it.
"There."
"Why are you giving this to me?"
"You don't like it?"
"I do. It's breathtaking, Christian. But, I don't need this." I take my wrist from him, to examine the bracelet. It's very beautiful.
"I need this." He says sincerely. I look at him. Oh, Christian.
"No, Christian, you don't. But, thank you. I'm a very lucky girl."
"I'm a very lucky man."
I kiss him. "Thank you." I whisper against his lips. I kiss him again... not for giving me the bracelet but for being mine.
A/N: I used Google translator for the French. I apologize, if it's not correct. I don't speak French.