Chapter 13: Pizza and Jerks Intolerant

(Helga's POV)

Wow. This may be the most obnoxious, strange date I've ever been on. I thought as we left the theater. This Cory guy was a piece of work. And the thing was...we were only halfway through our date!

He put his arm around me almost as soon as the movie started and attempted to pull me close, I evaded as best as I could, but he was hard to discourage. Once he even asked me if I liked his new watch as he placed his hand on my thigh and squeezed. I took his hand and put it back on his own leg and told him, "yes, that's a very nice watch, sweetie."

But probably the worst part of the movie portion of our date was the fact that anytime an actor on screen said a good line, Cory repeated the line and not only that but he repeated it so LOUDLY, people three theater rooms over could hear him! I swear! So that by the time the end of the movie came I'm pretty sure everyone in the whole theater wanted to torture and murder him and probably me too for being the one who brought him to he movie.

As we drove my head was pounding and I was pretty sure I had a migraine. I kind of wanted to end the date at this point, but I'd already told Cory dinner AND a movie...and on top of that I was starving! And if there's only one thing I know about myself, it's that I'm a completely mad, angry, crazy person if I let myself get too hungry and I wasn't about to drive him all the way back to Castle Forest and then all the way back into town so I could finally eat. That was just too long...we'd hit ground zero of my temper long before then, which would send off a deadly explosion of insulting, wise cracks and yelling the world has never before seen. The world definitely isn't prepared to handle that. So instead of risking the end of the world, I drove to the restaurant.

I had chosen a pizza restaurant called Craigo's. Apparently years back it was once a hole in the wall place that only all the college kids knew about and hung out at and had the best pizza in town. Now they had moved to a new location and turned it into a nice, sit down place with more then just pizza on the menu. It had quickly become my favorite place to eat and I made sure to have an excuse to eat there at least once a week since I'd moved to town.

We got to Craigo's and I booked it into the place so I could get get in line to put our names on the waiting list ASAP. No reason to wait longer then necessary and risk the apocalypse that I mentioned above. It was getting close to the dinner rush and I was starving.

Cory was going on about his work out routine and I tried to stifle a yawn (failing miserably, but I really didn't care, and he didn't notice anyway), when suddenly the feeling of being watched washed over me again. I did a quick scan of the restaurant and again not one person was looking at me. I was starting to think I was going out of my mind or something and that maybe Cory should call the men in white coats to come and get me and take me and lock me up somewhere.

By the time we finally were called to be led to our table I had heard every single detail about Cory's workout schedule, techniques, and how big his muscles were. I felt like I could probably go to the gym right then and use the elliptical for 6 hours straight and still have more fun then I was right now hearing Cory go on and on and on about working out.

After we sat down I quickly ordered our drinks before the waiter could even speak. No time for shenanigans, I needed to get this food eating show on the road. No time to waste, the volcano was rumbling and fixing to burst and bury Pompeii all over again.

Cory was blabbing about something still, but at this point my hunger was getting the best of me so I interrupted him and almost hollerd, "hurry up and decide what you want! I am so hungry I could eat...I could eat...I could eat something really big!" I groaned loudly. "I'm so hungry I can't even think of a witty comment. Hurry!" I growled. "Do not take your eyes off that menu until you have made a decision!"

Cory flinched and just stared at me like I was insane. Kind of like what everyone else in the restaurant was doing actually. Finally, he took a deep breath and said, "Um...chill, Helga. We'll get you your food."

Never tell a Pataki to "chill". Never. Just don't. Seriously. Believe me. But Cory didn't know that, did he?

I felt my eyes widen in anger. "Do not tell me to chill, Cory? When this girl gets hungry it ain't gonna be pretty. So decide what you want now or I'll cut you!" I barked, shaking my fist and raising a menacing eyebrow at him. I think steam was actually coming out of my ears like in those old cartoons I watched as a kid.

He just stared at me again and I rolled my eyes, then narrowed them at him hatefully. Quickly I waved the waiter over before I grabbed my fork and jabbed it at Cory. "Decide!"

"Hi, my name is-" the waiter tried again after I had interrupted him during the water ordering.

I waved him off spastically, "Honestly I couldn't care less. Skip to taking our orders, Jeeves buddy, this girl needs to eat."

He gave me a knowing smile and pulled out his little notebook. "Oh, 'hangry' are we?" he chuckled, and gave me a smirky knowing look. "What would you like, miss?"

"Yah, yah, I'm sure I'll find that amusing as soon as I GET SOME FOOD DOWN MY GULLET," I yelled, smacking my hand on the table. "Salad and a pepperoni, cheese, and onion pizza bomb! Pronto, buddy."

The waiter turned to Cory who was still perusing the menu. The dolt! Murder was starting to look like a better and better idea...I wondered if the people from the theater were still around...I bet they'd help me...it takes a village to kill an idiot and not get caught, right?

"What would you like, sir?" Jeeves asked him politely.

"Um...well-" Cory began and I growled loudly and smacked myf forehead.

"He'll have what I'm having. Now go get me my salad, on the double!" I waved him away angrily.

I looked around again suddenly feeling that 'someone creepy is watching you again' feeling. I slammed my fist on the table. I was getting really annoyed and feeling crazier and angrier by the second. Old Helga was rising to the surface and fast!

Helga, girl, calm down. Just talk and distract yourself until the salad comes. I clenched my teeth, my eyes still darting around the restaurant looking for someone looking back at me.

"You know I can have any girl I want right now," Cory spoke up suddenly, putting his hands behind his head and leaning back in his chair.

If I had been eating at that moment like I wished I was I would have dropped my fork-or bit it...or thrown it at him-probably the latter because that's one step closer to the murder I was already planning in my mind.

What? Did he really just say that? And on a date? Who even says stuff like that? Normally I'd have a good comeback, but I was so hungry and so shocked that my mouth just stayed like that-hanging open, in shock...or horror...or astonishment...or

"Really. I can have my pick," he confirmed gazing around at all the amazing eligible bachelorettes he had to choose from.

I just stared at him in shock. Oh my gosh, could this date end any slower? Well, ya can't have this girl you cocky bas-

"Your salad, miss," the heaven-sent waiter said, placing a large bowl of salad and a side of ginger dressing in front of me.

I immediately dug in and slowly I started to feel almost normal again and less angry and just more...unimpressed with Cory-if it was even possible to be any more unimpressed. Now, if only my wits would return.

Suddenly I heard a crash and looked over in the direction of the sound. Apparently someone had ran into a waiter and plates of food and broken dishes were laying around everywhere. Slowly I narrowed my eyes at what was now all too apparent to me.

(Arnold's POV)

I cowered behind my menu. I was starting to think that Helga was even more scary then usual when she was hungry. She'd pretty much been yelling since the second I followed her into Craigo's and now that I knocked the waiter over going to my table and I was sure she saw me I knew death by The Five Avengers and Ol' Betsy was imminent.

She leaned her palms onto my table and leaned towards me. I think my hands started to shake holding the menu, but I was kind of praying that maybe she wouldn't realize it's me and maybe she'd leave and then I could run away and-

"Hey there, football head," she greeted with a smirk. Pulling my menu away and tossing it back onto the table dramatically she arched a brow at me. "Sorry to break it to you, but that menu doesn't hide your odd shaped head even slightly. Good try though," she added, a slow-controlled smile inching across her face.

I laughed nervously and my voice came out a bit squeaky despite my attempt to play it cool. "Oh, hi, Helga. Fancy meeting you here." I shot her a big, albeit fake smile, hoping I sounded legit. Maybe I could save my life if I was careful and cool and casual. Heh.

"What are you doing here? Don't you have better things to do on a Friday night, hair boy?" she asked, her blue eyes narrowing at me suspiciously.

I shrugged and smiled demurely. "I'm having dinner, can't you tell?" I took a sip of my water as the waiter dropped it off, hoping to sell it.

"Alone?" she questioned with a skeptical look. "Just by chance at the same restaurant as me?" She put her hands on her hips and straightened, but continued to stare down at me.

I shot her a wan smile. It was the best I could do with my nervous state and all. "Well, sure it's my favorite."

"Mine too." She didn't look convinced. "Did you take in a movie too?"

I shrugged and set my jaw determinedly. "Yah, maybe I did. So what? You know, you're awfully snoopy, Helga."

She just ignored my comment. "The same movie as me?" she insisted, hands on her hips and a knowing look on her face. When I didn't answer she smirked down at me. "You little do-gooder. What are you really doing here, Arnold? I thought you didn't care what I did?" Her eyes twinkled with hidden mirth as she smirked at me.

I drew myself up indignantly. "I don't. You can do whatever you want, Helga. It's a free country." I tried to sound as relaxed as I could.

She shook her head slowly. "Then why are you here, Arnoldo?" she asked, casting a look behind her where Cory sat looking at his flexed bicep.

I put my hands up in surrender. "Ok, fine. Look, Helga, I was worried about you ok? I just wanted to make sure everything was kosher with your date? I didn't mean for you to catch me and I didn't mean to interrupt."

Though her eyes were narrowed and annoyed, her lips showed a small trace of amusement. "Well, stay out of my business and let me finish my date." With that she stomped off to join Cory again.

I shook my head and let out a relieved sigh. That was close. Helga may be different...but when she's "hangry" like that waiter called it...she was more terrifying then she was as a kid. I was about to rest my head in my arms in relief when I heard Cory talking and I couldn't help but listen again. Helga may have known by that point that I was there, but I wasn't about to quit my mission because of it.

(Helga's POV?)

"Are you going to go see 'The Phantom of the Opera'?" I asked Cory after I finished my salad. Maybe I could steer this conversation to something I could actually relate to.

He leaned back in his chair, one arm still laying casually on the table. "I don't know. I don't go in for all that silly theater stuff. Plus, those guys-especially Sandy and Cash are a bunch of thespian weirdoes."

I glared at him. "They're not weird. They're my friends. Well, Sandy is my friend. I don't really know Cash." I narrowed my eyes and lowered my voice dramatically, "though I do have my suspicions...I mean look at the guy...black, slicked-back hair-and I'm not convinced that's all stage make up...I mean in the right light...he kind of looks sparkly...like maybe he's a vampire." I raised my eyebrows repeatedly like McCauley Culkin in 'Home Alone' and grinned. Maybe I could lighten the mood and get some laughs out of Cory like I did in the library the other day.

He literally didn't even respond. What a dead weight. Instead he just went on about the "thespians". "They are so eccentric. Plus, Sandy's singing is...less than on par. I'm not sure I want to sit an entire musical of her singing."

I rolled my eyes. This guy really had a thing against Sandy, didn't he? I mean I picked up on the whole "we have some weird vibe going on" thing between the two of them at lunch when Cory asked me out, but I didn't realize it was this bizarre. While I'm thinking all this he was still literally going on about her.

"I mean really, can she over act or what?" He laughed mockingly. "And that football-headed dude she's always hanging out with. I mean what a strange look guy. Who has a head shaped that way anyway?"

I felt my fist clench, as I stared at this arrogant jerk. Nobody made fun of my friend Sandy-a girl who cared about everyone and had befriended me, Helga G. Pataki, the first moment she met me and never looked back. And don't get me started on Arnold-nobody, but me calls Arnold a strange football head. Nobody.

"What?" I whispered through clenched teeth. It was taking everything in me not to resort to the old Helga Pataki and threaten him within an inch of his life.

"You know, we dated once," he said, his expression/tone unreadable as he said this. "Sandy and I."

Now I was curious. This would explain Arnold's dislike of Cory and also Sandy's weird behavior when he was around the other day at lunch. It was more then just simple dislike of each other, something more was going on here.

"Yah, Sophomore year. For a couple months." He put on a faux sad face and added, "she totally broke my heart when she dumped me."

Aw, so Sandy was who Arnold was referring to when he called to warn me about Cory. Sandy was the one who he had strung along and then dumped, claiming she was the mean one who broke his heart. What a load of-

"But, now I realize what a little prissy prude Sandy is." He fixed his eyes on my with a calm intensity. He was trying to manipulate my just like he had with everyone else in school-turn me against Sandy. "I'm glad now she dumped me-since I realize how odd and prissy she is."

I almost choked on my salad. People bought this snow job? I mean if we are talking about a bad actor...it's definitely not Sandy. Wow, we go to a school full of pathetic maroons and baffoons. I face palmed my forehead into my hand, but Cory didn't seem to notice.

"And I realized that she's really a just a total manipulative witch. Rude to everyone, talking about people behind their backs. I'd avoid her if I were you. She's a monster. Don't fall for her act." He reached forward to grab my hand but I snatched it away.

(Arnold's POV)

I almost choked on my water. I was sitting here witnessing exactly how Cory turned people against Sandy and Helga was sitting there listening to it all. I mean we knew he said stuff about Sandy and turned most of the school against her for at least a year, but I'd never heard it firsthand. I pushed back my chair quickly ready to dive in there and defend Sandy, but Helga stood up, throwing her chair back dramatically.

"Alright, bud, you stop right there. That's enough. You sure are full of crap aren't you?" she practically hollered, everyone in the restaurant turning to stare at her.

Cory just looked up at her in surprise. I don't think anyone had ever questioned him and his lies about Sandy before and I'm not sure he knew what to do.

"But apparently people buy this malarkey from you. But not me, I know a load of bull when I see one. You're just an egotistical gossip girl." She folded her arms angrily like the old Helga and glared at him fiercely. "No one will be telling lies and awful things about my friends on my watch." Pointing to the door she added, "I had a perfectly wonderful evening...but this wasn't it."

Cory stood up in shock. "Wait, you want me to leave?" his voice kind of squeaked out and his eyes were as big as saucers. "You drove me here! How am I supposed to get home?"

Helga shrugged. "I don't care. Figure it out. Ride a bus, your royalness."

Cory shook his head in shock and slowly started to walk away, but then turned to angrily glare at Helga. "You're going to regret this Helga," he said pointing an angry finger at her, an unmistakable coldness in his eyes. "You're going to regret this."

Helga shrugged. "Oh yah? I'm terrified." Here eyes reflected mock horror.

He glared angrily at her one last time before heading for the door.

"I hope you develop an allergy to bacon and ice cream and everything good in life-like pizza-so tiny little boils cover that rotten, lying face of yours and make you look like an extra large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese since you seem to be real good at that." She yelled at his retreating figure.

As Cory slammed the door behind him, everyone in the restaurant began to applaud. Apparently she'd had an audience. She pretended to bow for a second and then turned and started to head toward me. I felt my heart hammer a bit, a little scared of her after that outburst. Was I next?

She placed a hand on my table, and leaned on it putting her face closer to mine. "Alright, football head. Listen careful and closely because I'm only going to say this once," she hissed at me.

I felt my eyes go big as I looked up at her, ready for anything but resisting the urge to put my hands up to protect my face.

She took a deep breath. "You were right about Cory." She said this and then quickly looked away.

I felt a grin spread across my face. I liked this new and improved Helga, willing to admit something like that. "Well, Helga-"

She cut me off, "eh-eh-eh. Nope we are not going to talk about what I just said." She glanced over at her table as the waiters brought out her and Cory's orders. "Look, the waiters are bringing over two delicious pizza bombs right now and as much as I'd like to eat them both of them, I can't do that and let you feast on..." she glanced down at my table, "on water," she finished. "Care to join me? My treat?"

"Sure," I mumbled, and she quickly turned on her heel to head to her table.

As I stood up to follow her the waiter leaned over to me and whispered, "Excuse me sir, are you sure you want to go over there. That girl is certifiably crazy."

I grinned at him as I stood up to head over to where Helga was watching me closely from her table. "Nah, she's just Helga," I grinned at him. And with a nod I headed over to join my friend.

A/N: Oh, this chapter is definitely my favorite yet. I feel like Helga's so good in it that I need to go back and rewrite everything else to match haha. (Continuing a story 5 years later is actually really hard. I had no idea how much my writing changed/improved.) But for now we will leave well enough alone because I have no idea how to actually do that.

This chapter is literally based on things that happened to me. Back before my husband and I were even dating, I used to hang out at his apartment with all his roommates back in college, they were all pretty fun and entertaining so it was my favorite place to hang out. Well, I was 18 at the time and one of his roommates was 27 (which is younger then me now, but super old to me at the time haha). One night we were all watching a movie and he comes home after working out with his shirt unbuttoned and sat next to me. I was less then impressed, but he was convinced he could get me interested. So he's the one who did the whole "look at my watch line" and put his hand on my leg. And I responded just like Helga haha!

The movie date part with Cory is also something that happened to me. Again in college I went on a date with a guy named Mitch to see "Fun with Dick and Jane" which would have been an entertaining movie except that my date literally repeated every funny line the actors in the movie said-and he repeated them super loud. Not only that, but afterwards we went to Craigo's (I'll talk about this in a second) and he told me, "you know, I can totally have any girl I want." And I was like...yah, well, not this girl. What a jerk!

And Craigo's...sigh, oh, Craigo's...how I miss you! It is still my favorite restaurant, but it's only in the town where I went to college in Idaho...and well, I live in New Mexico so it's, you know, unlikely I'll ever return. But back when I went to Craigo's with that arrogant Mitch, it was still a little hole in the wall place (in fact the first picture I have of my husband was taken in the original Craigos, history!), but by the time I was married to my hottie hubby, it was a nice sit down restaurant. We used to go regularly and get their salad with the best ginger dressing I've had to this day, and these amazing pizza bombs (like calzones, but like bigger and better) with any toppings you could want inside (our favorites were pepperoni, cheese and onion), glazed with the most amazing butter, parmesan, garlic, parsley layer on top. Oh my gosh, my mouth is watering! So amazing! And then for desert you could order their amazing cookie monster and share it with your friends because it was epic. A huge, metal pie pan with a cookie baked into it, topped with tons of ice cream, whipped cream and caramel and chocolate syrups! Hoo boy! It was delicious! (If you google Craigo's Rexburg, ID, you will see a picture of their Cookie Monster pop up.) I miss it so much! Don't get me started on how they renamed it Pizza Pie Cafe after we left, because that is the STUPIDEST name ever! Ok, I'm done haha! But if by some chance you ever drive through Idaho, you must stop there!

Anyway, sorry for the novel-length author's note, I usually don't even do author's note, but there was so much in this chapter I wanted to explain/talk about! Haha! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I just loved the Helga/Arnold parts! And keep reading! There is so much more to come! yay!

Please review and thank you for reading!

Arnold's Love