Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT.

Song for this Fic: Iris as performed by the GooGooDolls

Leo and his brothers are 32 years old. Tony is 37.

**Warning** This fic contains something that may be disturbing to some. Please if you choose to read do not flame this fic but rather comment concerning the quality of the writing.**

Chapter 9:Restless

Leo's POV

I can't sleep.

I haven't been able to since finding out about the explosion; that and the loss of our home…of all the memories that were burned in it.

It's gone…Everything….gone.

And to top it off we aren't even sure if it was accidental or someone deliberately attacked us.

April and Casey headed home the other day hoping to hear some news about what happened.

I roll over with a sigh and find Tony sound asleep with Fae snuggled up in his arms.

She's been having nightmares since she got a glimpse of the burning wreckage and figured out that was why we weren't going home. If she isn't wrapped in either Tony or I's arms at night she doesn't sleep at all.

I sigh, closing my eyes, shivering when I see our home burning behind my closed lids. I rub my hand across my face before getting up and walking out towards the living room, taking extra care to make sure I don't disturb my mate or daughter.

As I walk out I find myself wandering out the back door and out into the woods beyond the barn. In my meandering through the woods I find myself, quite unexpectedly, in front of my father's grave.

I freeze, eyes widening at the sight of it and feel myself cringe. Suddenly I'm back on the day he died, sobbing my heart out as Raph goes to gather Don and Mike, pleading with my father to forgive me, for him accept me.

He died moments after I confessed my need for his acceptance and only seconds before my brothers were there.

I was left with his rejection and the massive shame on my shoulders for not pleasing him.

My grief had felt stronger than my brothers were feeling, because to me I had lost the final chance to hear him say he still loved me.

With a sigh I drop to my knees at his grave and hesitantly touch the gravestone.

"Sensei…I wish…" I stop unable to finish, "I miss our talks…before…"

I drop my head and feel tears roll down my cheek, even after all this time, after my brothers' acceptance, the wound of his reject still scrapes raw.

I need your advice father…

Raph's POV

I glance down from where I am sitting when I notice Leo enter the clearing where Splinter was buried.

He looks torn as he drops into a kneeling position.

I sigh softly, feeling guilty almost after Leo starts crying quietly, because he doesn't need to explain.

Leo is still pretty sensitive over the fact that Sensei rejected him, cast him out even.

My poor brother…all he ever wanted was to please Splinter and Sensei wouldn't let him in the end.

Despite what Leo says about forgiving Splinter, Tony's assured us with simple looks that Leo may have forgiven Splinter, but the wound is still very raw and Leo is still healing from it.

Tony told me that when they were thinking about adopting Fae, Leo was hesitant but not because he didn't want to adopt. But because Leo was afraid that he'd fail to be a proper father since he's still struggling with Splinter's rejection.

I rub the back of my neck and watch as Leo sits, head in his hands and cries.

I honestly don't know if I should go to him or stay where I am…then I decide I don't care what he thinks and I drop down to walk over to him.

He jumps a little as I rest a hand on his carapace.

"Hey bro," I whisper, offering a slight smile.

"Sorry," he chokes out, struggling to wipe his eyes and control his sobs.

"Don't be," I state gently, dropping into a sitting position next to him, "…I miss him too sometimes…even after knowing what he did to ya."

Leo makes eye contact for a minute then looks away.

"I miss his advice," Leo laughs weakly, "He always knew what to say and when. Good or bad."

I nod.

"Leo…I don't think he ever stopped loving you as his son," I whisper.

Leo's eyes are brimming with tears again when he looks back at me; his golden-brown eyes watery with sorrow.

"Really?" he whispers.

I shake my head.

"Really," I reply before slinging an arm around Leo's shoulders and pulling him into a hug.

Leo clutches at my arm and chokes out a sob.

"God what're we going to do…everything is gone," he sobs between fighting breaths to hold back the tears, "Raph I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say."

My heart twists in my chest out of sympathy. I feel a few of my own tears fall as I sit with him.

"I know," I hear myself choke out, "neither do I."

We sit like that, hugging each other and feeding off each other's strength and comfort until the sun starts to rise.

I scrub my face free of tears and watch Leo do the same.

"We can do this," Leo whispers suddenly, "we can move on."

We make eye contact and I manage a slight smile before nodding.

"We got each other that is what's important," I reply.

As one we rise to our feet and pause, glancing down at Splinter's grave the breeze snatching at our bandanna tails and suddenly I feel stronger.

Leo seems to too, he takes a breath and lets it out before opening his eyes.

"Otōsan arigatō," he murmurs. Thank-you father.

Leo turns and walks towards the farmhouse with me trailing beside him, just slightly behind.

"How's Sadie taking all of this?" Leo asks me suddenly, turning so he can glance my way as he checks his pace so I step into stride beside him.

"Bad," I state flatly, "Nightmares…and she's pretty broken up about losing all her pictures of Stacy."

"You gave her the one you had right?" Leo asks gently.

I nod.

"It helped some," I reply, "I just don't know how to comfort her. She lost her sister and then her new home within a year of each other. I promised I'd protect her…"

Leo stops so suddenly I nearly crash into him.

"Hey," I squawk as I right myself.

Leo offers a humored smile before looking me in the eye.

"You haven't failed to protect her Raph," he comforts, "maybe if she feels like she's lost everything…bring up that you grew up there and that you feel just as upset as she does about losing your home."

I cock my head slightly and chuckle.

"Maybe I should sit outside with you and let you cry more often…you come up with great ideas," I tease.

He frowns before shoving me.

I yelp as I tumble to the ground in shock, I was not expecting that.

Leo snorts in good humor before walking towards the house, I grab a pine cone and chuck it at him, laughing out right when it bounces off his skull.

He pauses, turns, and gives me a flabbergasted look.

"Oh it is on!" Leo snarls playfully.

Next thing I know we're wrestling across the yard and laughing so hard we can barely breathe.

God it feel good to laugh.

Don's POV

I hear laughter coming from outside and peer out the window to see Leo and Raph rolling across the yard wrestling.

Ooooookay….that's new.

Ellie makes and annoyed noise and drags her pillow over her head to block out the sound to which I can't help the chuckle.

Mike pokes his head onto our side of the blanket divider that separates our two groups. Raph and Sadie are in the other room downstairs, Sadie didn't like the large windows up here very much so Ellie and I switched with them.

"What's going on?" Mike asks softly.

"Leo and Raph are wrestling," I reply with a yawn before curling back up against Ellie and waving at Mike to leave.

I don't feel like getting up yet, too much on my mind. Ellie hasn't been feeling well, she says it's the nerves from losing the Lair and not knowing what comes next. I've been having trouble sleeping myself, worrying that the acid rain that was supposed to go off in the Lair didn't and that any humans searching the debris will find signs of us.

So far the news hasn't reported them finding anything but melted rock and metal, so that's a relief.

I sigh before closing my eyes and trying to force myself to sleep.

I'm too concerned about everything, I really need to….crash…

A/N: Just a quick transition Chappie. Next Update on Monday. Please Review for me guys!