Chapter 5

*Reposting*

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

THIRD PERSON'S POV:

FLASHBACK:

Santana and Brittany celebrated their third wedding anniversary, and then it all started again. Santana was gone for most of January, half of February, all of March, two weeks in April and three weeks in May. Britt complained about it over and over again and when the blonde took a moment to sit down and count, she realized that they've been together six weeks in six months.

Brittany began to wonder if Santana was doing it to escape her. Could someone be away as much as she was?

And Britt didn't hold back. She told Santana all of this.

But all Santana could hear was her criticism. All Santana could feel was that guilt, that disappointment her wife had in her - the same feelings she has been subjected to all her life. She was always made to feel like she didn't belong in her family. That she wasn't good enough.

That guilt was a primal part of Santana. Brittany started to seem like the father she had failed. The family she could never please.

The coming months proved to be impossible for Santana to do her job while meeting Brittany's needs too. Britt is now refusing to understand that it was just the nature of her work and what she loved to do.

Santana had to be in LA, in Tokyo, Hong Kong, Spain, Paris, London, Rome, and Italy (and the list goes on). Britt had tried going with her, but the brunette never stayed in any place for more than a couple of days. More often than not, Brittany found herself sitting alone in a hotel room, either waiting for Santana or eating alone. It made more sense for her to stay back in New York and immerse herself in her work too.

She tried talking to Santana again, but the latter was by now sick of hearing it; of being made to feel guilty and inadequate. Brittany was tired of Santana being gone. She knows she loves Santana more than anyone and anything else in this world, but the past years had taken a toll on both of them.

Brittany was 26, living with a woman she never saw. Santana was at the height of her career and Britt knew she'd have 20, 25 years (God knows how many more, really) of it and would only get worse.

"I want to be with you, Santana." Brittany says sadly again when she came home for a few days. The blonde wanted a compromise, a middle ground, for them to be together more, but Santana had a lot on her mind. A couple of planes aren't at par with the company's standards and her siblings are pressuring her into delivering results in 30 days. What she didn't tell Brittany was that she would be in Sweden the next day and that, for the rest of the year, she would be travelling even more.

It wasn't until the day after their fourth wedding anniversary that Britt saw Santana again for more than a week. San has actually came home to spend the whole four weeks with her.

But when she saw Santana, she knew something has changed.

At first, she thought there was someone else.

But after the second week of her stay, Britt knew it was something far worse.

Santana has resigned herself to the inevitable. She won't try anymore. She felt too guilty for leaving her. She's too tired to even fight.

On the night before Santana was scheduled to fly to London again, Brittany decided to deliver the final blow.

They were lying next to each other on their bed, playing with each other's hand.

"San." Santana turned to look at Brittany as she called her name. Instantly, the brunette looked as if she knew what would come next even before Brittany spoke. She'd seen something terrifying in Brittany's baby blues for weeks and they both have done everything they could not to provoke the other. "San..." Brown orbs start to water as they focus on Brittany's. "I'm leaving you, San." She whispers, so soft that Santana didn't hear it.

"What did you say?" She clarified, willing herself to think that she heard it wrong.

"I'm leaving you." She couldn't look at Santana as she repeats her words. "I can't do this anymore, San." As she said it, she looked back at Santana, only to regret it.

It was the look of total devastation.

She's staring back at her with a look of utter abandonment and in that moment, Britt felt like she was looking at a mirror.

"W-Why are you saying this to me? Is there someone else?"

"There's no one else, San. You know that. You're just, always gone."

"But what if I could be with you, would you stay married to me?" She asks in panic.

"You're just saying that out of panic." Britt sat in the bed, crying. "I'm going to stay in LA." She says before moving out and taking her huge suitcase from the closet.

Santana looked horrified.

"You've already decided? When did you make up your mind?"

"I don't know." She answers honestly. Santana looked at her like she was insane but Brittany didn't budge. "I gotta go." She whispers before walking away dejectedly, but not before she stopping to kiss Santana on top of her head. "I love you, San. I'll always love you."

For her part, Santana did what she does best. She shut down emotionally. She didn't look at Brittany. She just got out of the bed, grabbed her phone and contacted the ground engineer. As soon as Britt was gone, she started to pack.

An hour later, she was ready to fly to London. Away from a nightmare.

Away from another abandonment.

/

PRESENT TIME:

BRITTANY'S POV:

We arrived at Sweden over 11 hours later and headed straight to the search and rescue quarters. We were greeted by Rear Admiral Daniel Gordon, the commander of the Search and Rescue mission.

"Ma'am, I'm Rear Admiral -."

"Have you found them?"

"Ma'am I'm afraid we've been ordered to stop the search and rescue mission -."

"What do you mean you're stopping? Have you found them?"

"No Ma'am -."

"Then don't stop! No one's leaving until my wife is found!" I shouted hysterically, causing Puck and Quinn to hold me as I get ready to attack the commander. "Do you understand me?! They're out there! You can't leave them out for dead!"

"With all due respect Ma'am, we've done all we could under the circumstances. They've disappeared for almost 18 hours now. The condition of the water is freezing, negative 4 degrees Fahrenheit. We've dispatched rescue planes and helicopters around the area. We didn't leave them out for dead. The families of the other passengers have left already. I'm so sorry -."

"Shut up! You do not say that! No one will leave until you bring them back to shore!"

"Britt...Shhhh..." Quinn grabbed me away from the commander and hugged me tight.

"What are you waiting for? How many times have you searched the area? Once? Twice? Do it again please! I beg you..." I finally broke down.

"Ma'am, we're under strict orders to complete another mission. But I'll tell my men to do another round. Please, can you all stay at the control room for now? There's coffee and some other drinks in there. You'll be the first one to know the results of this search."

Puck and Quinn dragged me to the room where we patiently waited for any news. A few minutes later, Quinn's phone sounded.

"It's Kurt. They're at the airport. He's with Philippe and Jen." She announced. I clenched my jaw at the sound of that name but decided not to react anymore. True enough, about half an hour later, the door to the room opened, revealing a shaken up Kurt. He immediately hugged me.

"K-Kurt..."

"She's coming back. I know it. She's always late. And she doesn't always follow through with her promises, but she'll be here, I can feel it."

"She's freezing out there...and I can't do anything..." I cried.

"Shhhh...Britt...She's a fighter. Keep the faith, okay?" He whispers. "I'm sorry about coming here with Jen. I couldn't wait for the next available flight so I jumped in with them."

"It's okay." We were broken out of our conversation when the monitors started to sound.

This is A-707. Results are negative. I repeat, results are negative. We didn't find them. We're leaving the site.

"K-Kurt...w-what is...no..." A sharp cry echoed across the room as I felt my knees weaken at the information. At the corner of the room, I heard Jen and Philippe discussing something that I still could not accept.

"Where would we hold the memorial service?"

"I don't know Jen." A distraught Philippe slumps on a chair. "I don't know." He cried. Among San's brothers, he was the closest to her.

"I'll prepare everything. Let me just call my parents so they could start preparing the service -."

"What the fuck are you doing?" I growled, rushing towards Jen. "What did you just say?" I spat at her. Jen just sighed and rolled her eyes.

"I'm arranging the memorial service since all you seem to be capable of doing at the moment is crying hysterically." Jen bit back.

"You shut your mouth!" I growled, but Philippe was quick to come in between Jen and I.

"Britt, please..." He looks at me pleadingly. "Can you just...stop shouting please?"

"Why are you arranging a memorial service when -."

"Her body's not found! Can you for once stop being overly emotional and start to see things objectively here? It's been 18 hours. How long could your body last under negative four degrees Fahrenheit? Huh? Tell me!"

"You have no right." I pointed my finger at her. "No right to decide what to do here. That's my wife out there, fighting for her life. I will decide. Not you. Not the commander. Just me. No one else! You hear me?"

"You have some nerve, Brittany." She snickered. "She stopped being your wife when you packed your bags and left her. That was three years ago. You're not her wife for three years now, Pierce."

"You -."

"Stop it!" Philippe finally breaks. "Jen, I'll meet you outside in a minute."

"Fine." The tall green-eyed blonde sighs before exiting the room. As soon as she was gone, Phil looks at me sadly.

"We're leaving for New York in a while. I just need to talk to Admiral Gordon first."

"Phil, you can't possibly think of giving up..." I mutter weakly.

"I'm hopeful, Britt. But I'm also realistic about it. Every minute that passes by is a dagger to that hope. I need to come home to start the preparations for..." He gulped. "Just in case. We have to be ready for the worst case scenario." He cleared his throat before continuing. "Dad is on his way here, against his doctor's advice. Together with Edward, he will be overseeing the rest of the search. The authorities have asked the rescue teams to stop. But the family would be dispatching more helicopters and boats to do our own search. They won't stop until they found their bodies."

"P-Phil..."

"I just..." His voice broke. "I just want you to be ready, okay? We all know she's a fighter. But we also have to be realistic. Take care of yourself." He hugs me before leaving the room.

"Britt?" Kurt was beside me in no time. "Do you want to take a walk or something?"

"Y-Yeah. Yeah, I need some air." I cried. He looks at Quinn and Puck who just nodded in understanding.

"We'll stay here and call you as soon as any news is available." Quinn says with a strained smile. On our way out, Kurt grabbed a sandwich and a bottle of water at the table situated near the door.

"Here, eat this." He handed me the sandwich, which I politely declined. "Come on, Britt. I know you haven't eaten in a while. Santana will kill me if she learns you were hungry and I didn't give you any food." He teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"I'm not hungry, Kurt, thank you."

"Please? You know how she hates it when you don't eat."

"Fine." I grabbed the sandwich and started nibbling.

"They'll find her, Britt. I just know it."

"Me too."

"Maybe she's washed ashore and is now enjoying being stranded in an island or something. You know how she always wanted to join Survivor?"

"Oh yeah, don't remind me. She wanted our honeymoon to be at Palau because she was so fascinated with Survivor." My smile immediately dropped as soon as the reality of possibly not seeing her again crept in. Kurt wasn't oblivious.

"Oh, Britt. Come here."

"I just miss her. I love her so much, Kurt."

"I know. And I hope you know that she loves you so much too."

"Y-Yeah?"

"Yeah. And I'm not going to say these things because I think she won't have a chance to say them to you. I'm going to tell you what I know because I can't wait to see the both of you happy again when she comes back. God knows when she'll get the courage to talk to you again." He shakes her head in disbelief.

"I don't understand."

"You remember Tina's shower? The night when you got drunk and San had to take you home?"

"Tina told me what happened." I said softly, a little ashamed with how I behaved that night.

"Santana called me while she was cooking you your 'hangover soup' - wait, what is any good by the way?"

I blushed, remembering how giddy I was when I woke up to see a note from Santana, telling me to just reheat the soup she made for me.

"It was. It's her own recipe. She makes it whenever I got a hangover."

"Sweet." He ribbed again. "She called me, and she was so happy Britt. She saw the divorce papers she gave you - all crumpled and torn up. She wanted to ask for my opinion. She was like, 'What does this mean, Kurt? Does this mean that she doesn't want a divorce? Now what does that mean?" He chuckles. "She was so stupid, but I must admit it was cute of her to be so giddy despite being so unsure."

"I don't want to divorce her..." I mutter under my breath.

"She doesn't want to, either. It's just that, her father's pressuring her into marrying Jen because he wanted one of his children to marry a child of his bestfriend. It sucks, but since her older brothers are married, that left Santana to fulfill that 'pact'."

"But Santana's married too."

"Technically." He stares at me knowingly and I just look away. "And since Jen's bi, and of the same age as Santana, the plan was set in motion. But as you said, Santana's technically still married. So they convinced her that you're never coming back and made it a point to bring up your relationships with other people whenever they could."

"She didn't really fight for me."

"What did you expect? It's Santana. She closes off whenever she's hurt. Being left behind, that's primal in her. She believes her mother left her and never bothered to keep in touch with her. And that even translated to her work ethic. You know how she always clashes with her father and siblings because of their differences in the way of doing business? When a potential investor or partner doesn't agree with San's plans, she won't chase after them."

"I know."

"But she loves you. You're the only person she has ever truly loved. She knew that even if she chased after you, her routine still won't change, and then the problems would still be there. She was still tied up, Britt. But she's doing something about it. She was -."

"Is."

"Is. She is slowly pulling herself away from the family business. Something she couldn't have done a couple of years ago since her Dad had a stroke and the company was going through a tough time. They needed her so much then. Now, don't you wonder how she got the time to drop by LA to see you and attend Tee's party? She's been thinking of quitting and just do something that wouldn't eat up her time."

"Really?"

"Yup. She's got offers already, but there's really nothing that appeals to her at the moment."

"Flying is her passion." I offered.

"It is. But she's already thinking of at least slowing down. She's planning on creating an aviation magazine."

"Oh. Yeah. She did talk to me about it years ago. It was her idea and she's got friends who are willing to finance it. She did pitch the idea to her dad, but, he shot it down. Said it was bullshit."

"That's right. She has money from her trust and Philippe's willing to chip in. The last time we talked, she told me she already talked to her would-be partners and they'll have a meeting next week to finalize the pitch. She's already got advertisers willing to invest too. So anyway, it wasn't until things were looking up that she went to see you in LA. Her family's been bugging her to officially divorce you for about a year now. Well, except, Philippe. So with the papers on hand, she visited you. It served two purposes. One, to do what she's been told to do since the Lopez's and the Ford's have been really excited in planning the union. And two, to get an idea of how you might still feel about her. You have no idea how happy she was when she saw you again." He smiles at the memory before continuing.

"Or how ecstatic she was when she learned that you tore the papers up. That was when she decided that she'll give her pet project a go. She also tendered her resignation after she left your apartment for New York. She just had to finish this plane testing and some other business stuffs here in Sweden and that's it. She was going to come after you."

I started shaking at his words and he was quick to placate me. "She would follow you. She wants the magazine's inception to be in LA because that's where you are. She wanted a fresh start. But she wanted to do something first before coming back to the US, like, to celebrate her 'liberation'. When she heard her companions wanting to cross the Atlantic using the Cessna aircraft, she was so stoked that she instantly signed up for the trip. She called me again and she sounded so damn happy. "

"She called you?"

"Before she boarded the damn plane. I was so worried when she said they'll cross the Atlantic in that small plane. I talked her out of it, but again, she shot me down cockily."

"Oh God..."

"But she said something before she cut our conversation that makes me believe she's still alive."

"What? What was it?"

"She told me that it would be the last time she's ever flying a plane without you with her. She told me she can't wait to come home and that this time, nothing's gonna stop her from coming home to y-you." Kurt trembles as he fought back the tears, trying so hard to put up a strong front for me.

"K-Kurt..."

"So you see? That's why we'll wait for her. This is Santana. Sure, she finds it the hardest to stick to plans, but she'll do it anyway. She's always late. I bet my whole wardrobe that she'll show up anytime now and would smugly say, 'What's up? Missed me?'"

"I know she'll be here any moment now. I just hope she hurries up..." I whisper in his ear as we hug tightly, taking comfort in each other's presence. We were broken out of our hug when Kurt's phone rang.

Come home San, Come home please. I prayed silently and willed myself not to cry again.

"It's Quinn. They've got some news. They want us back at the control room."

/

I'm starting with the next chapter right away (should be up tomorrow or the day after that). Santana will be making an appearance in the next chapter, we just don't know in what state.

Two more chapters after this, plus the Epilogue :)

Let me know what you think!