It was nearing midnight as Severus cleaned up the last of the dead frogs one of his students had managed to plaster all over the ceiling. He had fallen out with Filch over last week's cauldron spillage, which had been the last straw for the caretaker. Nobody understood how hard his job was, he said, because nobody ever bothered to do anything without magic. So Snape was left to deal with Filch's indefinite 'dungeon cleaning strike'. He had to admit, he was struggling even with magic, but he was loath to ever allow Filch to discover that. In fact, he was struggling so greatly that he wondered if he could justify a teaching strike in response. The thought would have amused Severus if he hadn't been having such a bad day already; he grabbed the floating rag he had thought would help, and stormed out of the room.

On the way to Dumbledore's office, Snape had to try exceedingly hard not to stomp too angrily – he was wary of all the things he could disturb in the castle, worst of all Peeves. Thankfully, he met nothing on his journey, leaving his mind free to wallow in his fury. By the time he reached Dumbledore's office, he was positively fuming.

He knocked, and opened the door at Dumbledore's invitation. Dumbledore was sat at his desk writing, and did not look up immediately. When he did, however, his eyes widened in surprise.

'Severus? To what do I owe the pleasure, at this time?' he said gently, shifting the envelope he had just been writing to one side.

'I apologise for bothering you, sir, but I-' he broke off, catching sight of the words written on the envelope to Dumbledore's left.

'James and Lily Potter?'

'Ah, a friendly note, simply offering my congratulations and best wishes,' Dumbledore smiled, waving his hand dismissively.

'Congratulations?' Severus racked his brain for a recent event that would call for congratulations.

'Lily is pregnant, Severus. I thought you would have heard that, in the many circles you frequent?'

'No, I… uh, didn't know,' Severus muttered. His mind had gone blank. His heart was hammering against his chest. Severus berated himself for allowing to be affected in this way. How could he have not been expecting this? Lily's pregnancy wasn't exactly startling news, surely? She had been married for over a year now. She had always wanted children; Severus remembered having that conversation with her when they had both been just eleven years old. Why hadn't he prepared himself for the possibility that she would want children with James?

'Severus… are you alright?' Dumbledore probed kindly.

'Uh… I apologise for bothering you at this late hour, sir. I find myself presently overstretched and I hoped – I don't entirely know what I hoped, but the situation is perfectly agreeable for the time being, thank you very much – sorry, again – I should leave,' Severus garbled, confusing even himself. Would that convince Dumbledore? He didn't suppose it mattered – for now he needed to be alone.

Sitting in his office a short while later, Snape held his head in his hands. The news had not surprised him. He had overreacted. But the carefree way Dumbledore had told him, the way he had smiled as if the delight at the Potters having a child together was universal, the way he had dropped it into the conversation carelessly… disturbed Snape. He was disturbed by the fact he had allowed himself to feel that much for someone who he hadn't seen since she married someone else. He was disturbed by the fact that he found himself loving this child already, the unborn child of the woman he had loved forever. He was disturbed by the bitter jealousy, the intense hatred that mingled with this love – this child was going to see Lily every day, be held by her, be loved by her perhaps even more than she loved James. And Severus would have to continue his life, reassuring himself that above all else, Lily Potter was happy, and wasn't that what he lived for? Wasn't that what he wanted, wasn't that why he had done what he had?

Severus knew he did not deserve Lily's love. Yet he had vowed to let her go, and he had so far failed. He wondered when it would end. He wondered if it would end. Somehow he hoped it wouldn't. Because if he could feel undying love for Lily, maybe… just maybe, James could as well. And when you love someone enough that their happiness is more important than your own, the fact that that person is loved at all is more important than who is giving them that love. Isn't it?