Amy staggered over to Penny's apartment, feeling dizzy.
She pushed the door open and walked in, her eyes blurring with tears.
Penny and Bernadette looked up as Amy entered.
"Oh my God, Amy! What happened?" Penny asked, as she and Bernadette leapt to their feet to comfort her.
Amy described what had happened and broke down, making Penny's pink shirt wet with tears as she cried on her shoulder.
Bernadette joined in the group hug, rubbing Amy's arm comfortingly.
"We're so sorry sweetie." Penny whispered. "I really thought you two would be able to do this."
"Me too." Amy sobbed, "But it's too hard. He doesn't love me, Penny. He can't even touch me properly or want me to be happy."
"He's been trying." Bernadette replied.
"I know," Amy nodded, wiping her eyes. "But he should have tried three years ago."
"You're right Amy." Penny agreed. "So what now?" She asked, handing Amy a glass of water to soothe her throat.
Amy took a sip, and then shrugged. "Now I am going to accept the position in Tampa and when I come back, I'll just hang out with you two."
"What about when we're with the guys?" Bernadette asked.
"Then I'll spend the evening alone." Amy replied, feeling the tears again.
"You shouldn't have to be alone Amy." Bernie replied. "Even if everyone else is with Sheldon, I'll come and see you."
"Me too." Penny nodded, firmly. "We're best friends. I may have known Sheldon longer but you're my best friend."
Amy smiled weakly. "Thank you. You two are the best."
Her friends smiled.
"Come on, you." Penny smiled, "E-mail your boss back, take the job and forget all about Sheldon Cooper!"
"Easier said than done." Amy swallowed.
"It will be at first; it's still raw…A fresh wound. Once you're in Florida, you'll be in a new place, and you'll be so busy that you will forget all about him." Bernadette replied, wisely.
"You're right." Amy nodded, as she whipped out her phone and opened up the email.
She took a deep breath and tapped out a reply.
Dear Dr Brightman,
I would like to thank you for your email and for considering me for this post.
It is with great pleasure that I accept this amazing opportunity.
Thank you again Sir.
Kind regards,
Dr Amy Farrah-Fowler.
She swallowed hard, her mind racing.
Closing her eyes, she clicked send.
..
"You what?" Leonard stared at his roommate, who was currently in tears.
"For goodness sake Leonard, do I really need to repeat myself?" Sheldon snapped.
"Sorry Sheldon, it's just…You've never said that you love anyone before. You don't believe in love…"
"Well, I stand corrected, apparently!"
"How do you know that you love her?" Leonard asked. "What does it feel like to you?"
Sheldon snorted. "What a ridiculous question."
"Which you still haven't answered…"
"Fine." Sheldon sniffed. "With Amy, it's like everything is better when she's around. She makes me happy; something that I was unaware that another human being could make you feel. I enjoy her company, I want to have a physical relationship with her; I really do. I am trying…Or was trying so hard. I didn't want her to leave in case…"
"In case what, Sheldon?" Leonard asked softly.
"In case I forgot how much progress I made and went back to square one. I wouldn't want to do that. It would make her unhappy."
Leonard stared at his friend and roommate, and for once was seeing a human side.
"Sheldon, you should have told her how you felt before all of this." He said, gently.
"Don't you think I know that now!?" Sheldon snapped. "But it's too late."
"It might not be…" Leonard replied. "Why don't you go over to Penny's now and try to talk to her?"
"Would that work?" Sheldon asked.
"It might." Leonard shrugged. "Tell her what you told me."
Sheldon's eyes flew wide. "I can't!" He protested, "I just can't!"
Leonard sighed. "I don't know what else to tell you Sheldon. Either you tell her how you feel, or you let her go."
Sheldon swallowed. "What would you do if it were Penny?"
"I'd tell her how I felt." Leonard replied, simply.
"But it's easier for you!" Sheldon shook his head. "You haven't spent your whole life not wanting to feel things, and bottling it all up to the point where you just stop feeling altogether…"
"It's up to you Sheldon." Leonard said at last. "Do what you have to do. But I'll be here for you."
"Thank you Leonard." Sheldon took a breath. "I should never have agreed to date Amy from the start." He shook his head sadly, "I left myself open to getting hurt. Maybe I should…Maybe I should let her go."
Leonard bit his lip. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah…Like that saying goes: 'If you love someone you'll let them go.' Or whatever it is." Sheldon sighed, feeling himself well up again.
"Okay buddy, if you're sure…"
"I'm sure." Sheldon interrupted, more to reassure himself than Leonard.
Leonard left Sheldon to be alone in the living room for a while.
Sheldon bowed his head and let the tears fall again.
"Stupid emotions!" He hissed. "There's a reason I never liked having you."
Who was he kidding?
He didn't want to let Amy go; he couldn't!
But he was afraid to tell her he loved her, too.
His head felt like someone had scribbled on a piece of paper, leaving a squiggly, jumbled –up mess.
He didn't like it; he didn't like it one bit.