It's Murder
Chapter 5
EPOV
Fuck me, who would have thought with all the women I'd 'spent time' with, that there would be anything I had never experienced in bed?
Watching Bella come undone had been amazing enough; I had never felt so happy and proud.
It had started pretty much as I expected. Once women saw what I had to offer, they tended to lay back and let me do the work. I guessed they assumed my size alone guaranteed them a thrill so they made little effort themselves. I wasn't disappointed or resentful, it was just the way it always went down.
I loved making Bella smile and moan and watching her dissolve around me. Then I shifted my focus and was contemplating how long I could keep this first round going when she threw me for a loop and clenched. For years I'd been in charge of my own release and no girl had ever milked it from me without me being ready to let go, but Bella had taken control and made me come without warning...
I thought I had literally shattered into a million pieces of throbbing pleasure.
The world went dark and the sky lit up as a thousand shooting stars rushed past me, then I realized I was those shooting stars.
It had never been like that for me before, and I was instantly hooked.
I felt weightless and like a pulsing, shaking ball lof throbbing energy.
It took a while to become grounded again but when I did,Bella was holding me tight against her body and I breathed again.
Fuck me.
It was so unexpected.
I was always in control, always controlled the pace. I never even wanted anyone else to take over and make my orgasm their goal. I liked timing things and letting go when I was ready, but it had been so incredible, all I was left with was the aftershocks and rush.
I'd loved it so much when I did it to her; now she was smiling and watching my eyes as she did it back.
Wow.
It just goes to show you don't really know someone until you sleep with them.
Now I was truly hooked,in every single way. Bella was a tigress.
I'd been willing to accept her even if she was a pussycat in bed, but now...
She was my new drug of choice, and unlike my nicotine habit, I knew I was never going to be able to give her up.
And she solved a mystery for me.
My brothers had always been a lot more savvy when it came to sex than I was when we were teenagers, and Emmett had once announced he had found himself 'a clencher'. I had only ever heard of anyone clenching their teeth and wondered if that was considered a bigger compliment than making a girl moan and scream your name.
Jaz had high fived him, and I went along with it, but I really had no idea what they were talking about. I didn't want to show my ignorance, so it had remained a mystery to me.
When Jas kept going back to Maria, I'd pulled him aside and asked him what the fuck was so beguiling about her, because we couldn't see it, and he'd confessed she was the first clencher he had ever encountered for himself.
"I know she is a bitch out of the bedroom but this girl takes me to Heaven and back. I just think she is worth keeping if only for the sex."
That made things no clearer for me.
When I first came home to Bella's apartment , Alice had taken Bella aside and left my brother and I alone so we had a chance to talk.
First thing he had said was "Thank you bro. Best. Clencher. Ever."
I'd given him the thumbs up and shrugged it off. Whatever.
"Edward, don't you realise the significance here? The only thing I miss about Maria is what she did to me in bed, and you know I thought she was worth the agony she put me through just to keep that. Now you hand me this beautiful creature who is adorable and funny and I swear,made just for me, and she clenches? That's like a miracle, bro. I always assumed I'd have to compromise and choose between amazing temptress in bed, or nice personality I could enjoy being with ; never did I think I could have both in one. This girl is amazing. Thank you so much, Edward. I bow to your superior knowledge of who is best for me."
"I knew the moment I met her that you would go apeshit for her," I replied.
"That's the obvious part. But a clencher into the bargain? You won't get this girl off me again with a crowbar. Last night was the best night of my existence."
Now I knew for myself.
Fuck me, I could almost understand him not wanting to let Maria go now, risking never finding another girl who did the things she did..
I'd spent the night having the most intense fun I'd ever had, and seriously, if it were my choice, we would never leave this bed.
I'd slept like the dead, with the girl of my dreams in my arms and her aroma drifting around me.
If she woke up this morning and decided this was a bad idea after all and called a halt, I'd go insane.
To want her was one thing; to have her and lose her...no fucking way.
I had to do something; whatever it took, to make her fall in love with me.
She was mine and nobody else would ever lay a finger on her again.
The past was just that; the past.
I didn't care any more about who she'd been with or what they had done together because our lives started anew today and it was what happened from this point onwards that mattered.
I watched her sleeping and my heart felt fit to burst. She was everything I never knew I wanted.
The buzzing of my cell had woken me up.
We'd slept in so maybe last night had been a little too intense. I was no more used to long sessions than Bella was, but I knew it would be this way if she ever relented and let me share her bed and her body. And once she had clenched, I had to have more.
It's impossible to explain what it feels like. It's something every man needs to feel for himself.
God, now I had to move things to the next level as soon as is humanly possible.
I had exactly half of everything I'd ever wanted.
I had the right girl in my bed, or in reality, I was in the right girl's bed.
Now for the tricky part. It would be really hard to hide my feelings and not tell her how much I loved her already. I'd almost said 'making love' and that was probably a give away.
Making sex? Good one, Edward. Now she thinks you are an idiot.
I wanted her to think well of me, and to let me inside her heart.
She ignited my soul just as much as my body and it felt weird holding back and pretending this was just sex.
For the last few years all I'd ever done was 'just sex', and I longed to see just how good love and lust together could be. I wanted to say the pretty words I had never uttered. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and talk about our future.
It was way too soon and any talk like that would just get me exiled downstairs. I had to take things slowly, and be satisfied with whatever she allowed. Just spending another night wrapped around her body had been so wonderful I could hardly contain my joy.
But fuck me, now I'd been inside her, I wanted so much more.
I wanted to exchange declarations and promises that I would do my very best to keep.
My phone rang again.
"Edward Cullen," I answered quietly, not wanting to disturb the beauty in my arms.
"So Jasper says you two are back and will probably have some time off in lieu of the time off you were meant to have before," my Dad said. "Are you coming to visit us?"
"We have to finish up today but I guess we can visit if Marcus doesn't have anything new waiting. I'm bringing Bella with me."
"Oh," he said flatly. It was strange for him to react that way. He had been disappointed when I told him originally I'd intended visiting alone. What had changed? He and Mom loved Bella and I knew they wished we'd just get together and give them a wedding to plan. They'd both thought she was my One the first time they met her.
I'd had to plead with them to swear they would never say anything like that to her, because at the time I thought they were dreaming. It seemed they had been the ones seeing things clearly.
But even so, there would not be a wedding; not for years if ever.
One of the results of the fallout from the Riley thing was that Bella now no longer believed in marriage. He'd hurt her in so many ways, and I knew it would be a very long time before she trusted anyone, including myself.
Anyway, by the sound of things, Mom and Dad had given up on marrying us off.
Well, they'd be able to do that for Jasper and Alice, if I was correctly reading the writing on the wall.
"That's fine," Dad said, but for some reason I suspected he didn't mean it.
"I'll call you and let you know either way. I should know for certain around noon."
Bella stirred and felt myself get excited at the thought she had agreed to a morning session. She stretched then opened her eyes and looked a tiny bit confused at first, then she grinned up at me.
"Yes! Not a sex dream. I'm glad."
"You have sex dreams?" I asked. I'd never heard her experience anything like that the many nights I'd slept on her sofa.
"Sometimes they were better than the real thing. When I was dating Mike for instance..."
Show no jealousy.
I wanted to tear him apart just for being allowed to touch her. Douche. But I was letting the past go now, right?
"So sex with Mike wasn't that good?" I pushed, allowing myself the satisfaction of hearing he wasn't Bella's best.
"No Edward, it wasn't. Mike was not good at 'making sex'," she laughed.
"That was your fault. You were so amazing last night you scrambled my brain. My words got confused."
"We should shower," she said, sniffing. "I hate it when I can smell my own sweat. You need to wash me."
"My pleasure, but don't get dressed afterwards because we are coming back to bed."
Bella openly admired my body parts and stroked my ever hard erection as I washed her. I didn't want shower sex yet. We had a nice comfy bed to roll around in. There were places I needed to touch and caress again and I wanted both hands free to do that.
I dried the water from her back and she flicked my backside with her towel and it descended into a tickling match. I won. She's so sensitive. I loved how she laughed, so freely, so uninhibited. We were still best friends, but now we were more. Not enough, but baby steps, Edward.
"Lay back and shut your eyes," I suggested. I wanted to look at every inch of her as I touched.
She shook her head.
"I like gazing into your eyes. It makes me shivery. Let me watch."
Shivery was good.
"Okay," I agreed and started stroking down her torso with soft strokes of my fingers.
"You have such long...fingers," she chuckled. "Maybe it is true about men's 'appendages' being three times the length of their thumb. I want to measure."
"Behave," I laughed. "It feels pretty damned large at the moment. Do you feel like talking about last night?"
"Sure. Me first. Just a heads up for you. I know you are a guy and they are clueless but the way you kiss..."
"You don't like the way I kiss?"
"Yes, I like it. But this is where you are going wrong. When you are hooking up and want the girl involved to know there's nothing between you two, you cannot expect to kiss her like that and have her think this is just one-off funtimes. You kiss like you want to marry the woman on your lips. No wonder Jessica and some of the others kept coming back. You wanted to know why they did that to you...this is why. Girls do not listen to words, they get their information from actions.
Just like assuring a girl you really do love her when she's caught you screwing around, your kisses are saying the opposite thing to your words.
You need to learn to kiss in a detached way so she feels the 'goodbye' in them."
I nodded and pretended I was taking note. I'd never kissed anyone like I kissed Bella. I knew my heart was on my sleeve, or on my lips it seemed, but it was hard enough not saying the words. She had to cut me some slack and let me kiss her differently.
This was not like anything else I'd ever tried. I wanted her feeling the love.
"Okay, thanks for that but old habits die hard It will take me a long time and a lot of practice to change the way I kiss," I lied.
"Your turn," she said,
"Clenching," I said. "You said you had no idea it had a name."
"It's just an exercise I've always done. My gynecologist recommended it to keep everything shipshape in there. I've never thought of doing it when anyone was inside me. Usually I have these Smartballs as they are called, inserted."
"So why did you do it to me?"
I wanted her to say what she had said at the time. About wanting to keep me inside her forever.
"Edward, it's easy to get confused during sex. I was overwhelmed with what you were doing to my body and I got kind of carried away and wanted to keep you inside me. Surely you have occasionally forgotten sex is just sex and imagined you had feelings for someone you were being intimate with? I can usually stay detached but nobody has ever touched me with so much tenderness and care. You are an amazing lover. There, I said it."
"Tell me about Riley," I asked. I needed to know why she had loved him.
She picked up the top hem of the sheet and started playing with it.
"What about him? We were together for a while and he moved on."
"I got the impression you were expecting him to marry you."
"Yeah. I was wrong. Obviously he and I were on two different pages. It doesn't matter, it's water under the bridge now."
"But he was your partner in the Murder Squad and you always say it never works to make plans for forever in this job. "
"I was stupid. I knew most of the guys were divorced, and the few that were new and had hope, soon got tossed back to Earth. We got to watch the early heady, blissful stage of new love, then the wedding, then the honeymoon was over as soon as they came back to work. At first they call her twice a day, then just the once, then suddenly there's no time, and they forget. The rot begins. Long shifts, separations from the new bride; the first time he misses her birthday or anniversary if it lasts that long. That's reality.
I saw all this and yet I still thought Riley and I would be different. I guess we will never know."
"Did you love him?"
"I loved the idea of being in love. I was definitely getting there. But it never works and maybe love is nothing more than an overload of chemicals in your brain, like the scientists claim. They say you can get the same buzz from chocolate, and chocolate is much safer.
That's where I get my emotional buzz from these days."
"Do you think that will ever change?"
"What do you mean? Are you asking me if I think there really is my One out there somewhere? He will have to have a ton of patience and understanding about this job, and not get jealous when you and I are away for weeks on end. Do you think there's a man who could cope with that?"
"Maybe. I mean, I think you were right choosing Riley in one respect. He was in the job. He knew what it involved."
"I just had a thought. This is probably not such a smart idea."
"What isn't?" I panicked.
"Sleeping with you. Think about it. Pretend it was Mike I married, and I had to convince him there was nothing between us. I didn't even manage to do that when it was the truth. Now I may have to convince someone you and I are nothing but work partners and we know we have done this, so it's a lie."
"Are you planning on marrying anyone soon?" I questioned." I thought marriage was something you didn't want any more."
"Good point," Bella replied. "I guess it's a bit too late to take this back and pretend it never happened. We may as well be hung as sheep, not lambs. Fuck, why did I say hung? God, that was horrible. I can't get my head around a woman doing that to another woman. We know men do terrible things to women, but I always thought the fairer sex killed more gently. I guess the world has changed. Women are getting to act like men.
There was a time when a girl would never have agreed to a setup like this, for example. Sex for fun. Sex to keep us focused and not letting frustration interfere with work."
"Is that all this is?" I asked, keeping my voice as steady as I could manage.
Bella looked at my eyes.
"What else could it be, Edward? You and I are two damaged individuals. My wounds are obvious. I don't yet know the real reason you settle for meaningless sex. I always assumed normal guys outgrew that stage. It seems to be more a thing that would appeal to a teen or a twenty something but you hit the big three oh last year. If you wanted a loving relationship, you would not have accepted a place on this squad. Or stayed for three years. You should be looking out for that girl that will make your parents happy."
"Let me back inside you and make me happy yourself," I suggested.
"I want you to try something else first. Can I speak plainly?" she asked.
"Go for it," I replied. My dick was aching. We needed to either stop talking, or talk while we were making love.
Making sex.
"Well, we both know you have been around a lot. I am no virgin, but when I was...Shit, this is probably not the best way to bring this up. Let's just say I used to like a boyfriend I once had, going down on me , before we progressed to actual sex. I know it's not any guys favourite sport but I'd like to know how good you are at that particular activity. I really used to enjoy it, maybe more than fucking. I missed it once we moved on. He just never wanted to try it again once he was getting a home run.
I already know you fuck really amazingly well, but if you were as good with your tongue down there as you are with the whole kissing thing... Let's just say, if you can get me off with your tongue, this arrangement might last a rather long time."
Fuck. I'd never had any complaints but then, women usually got so turned on when I did it, they wanted me to stop licking and fuck them, so I had never actually had to get one off that way. I had never done it to a random, of course, but once upon a time I had girlfriends and had been in loyal relationships.
Most had lasted between six and twelve months. Never long enough to take to the next level.
It made no sense that I already felt like I'd been with Bella for a more meaningful length of time already.
Fuck me.
She was making it plain she wanted me and needed me but in this case, two out of three was bad, because it was her emotions I wanted to touch the most, and so far it wasn't happening..
But I could taste her.
I slid down and kissed her mound and hoped I could do what she wanted me to, satisfactorily.
She tasted sweet, a little like wine.
My tongue had soon explored every nook and cranny and found where she wanted me most.
A girlfriend once told me to treat her clit like a tiny penis and suck it how I liked her sucking mine, so I followed her advice and the few girlfriends that followed were amazed that I knew exactly what they liked and didn't just get down there and lick randomly, wasting both our time.
Bella jerked as I latched on, and her moaning seemed to indicate she liked what was happening and to my relief, I took her over the edge.
I released her and kept my lips against her nerve center, enjoying the feeling as she pulsed onto them. Oh yeah, Edward had done good.
Bella's face was flushed when I got back up to it, and I kissed her lips and hoped she was in the mood to reward me.
"Do anything you like. That was amazing. Tell me what you want me to do, because at the moment I'm laying here considering marrying you," she sighed.
Her words hurt, because they were spoken in jest, but I will find a way to make her mean them the next time she says anything like that.
I made love to her slowly and gently and caressed her breasts and kissed her throat and pretended she loved me as much as I loved her.
Afterwards, I held her against my chest and felt our hearts beat us one and swore silently to make her mine forever.
X~x~X~x~X
BPOV
Confusion reigned.
I'd warned Edward about the kissing thing but now he was making love like we were on our honeymoon and he wanted to convey how much he loved me.
No surprise he left girls misunderstanding his intentions left and right. He was just so tender and gentle, and let's face it, most guys are rough and desperate beforehand and pretty much asleep straight after.
My body sparkled and buzzed in the afterglow and I felt his fingertips stroking down my sides, igniting something different.
I decided to show him rather than tell him how it made one's body feel to be touched like this after sex.
I ran my own fingers up and down his spine, across his back, and traced my fingertips across his shoulders and down his arms. He shivered and snuggled in closer.
It felt like we were bonding but it didn't perturb me.
If this was going to be what we did for the foreseeable future, then it was good to feel cherished and not like a piece of meat.
I love him, as a person, as a friend and I could see I would have to step very carefully or I'd want more out of this than he did. But it was his fault.
All this skin contact. It was making him feel like he belonged to me. Maybe he could, for a while.
"Edward, just so we are clear...are we monogamous?" I asked. I hoped so. Although this was just an arrangement, I didn't want to share him. If I knew he was making some other girl feel the same way as he was making me feel...wait. Was I jealous?
No, surely not. I have never been jealous in my life so this new feeling was strange. I must just be getting territorial. He was mine on loan and I wanted him all to myself for as long as that lasted.
"I am," he replied, tracing circles on my stomach as he rolled off me and supported himself on one elbow. "I don't want to be with anyone else."
"Okay. Me too," I replied. "When you want out, please tell me. I'm a big girl, I can handle it."
I hope.
"I can't see that happening for a very long time," he stated.
Something stirred inside me and I fought to hide my reaction.
"We should go see Marcus and get it over with," I suggested.
"Then we are going straight to the airport. Mom and Dad are expecting us," he replied.
"Edward, we will have separate rooms there, right?" I asked. This was something private. I didn't need anyone getting the wrong end of the stick, including myself. I didn't think Edward would openly tell his parents we were sleeping in the same bed when this was just a temporary situation. His Mom would be sneaking into the bedroom in the night to slip her late Mom's engagement ring onto my finger as we slept.
It was something special; something they would want to be worn by his bride, not his fuckbuddy.
I knew they wanted Edward and I to become a proper couple and it would be cruel to get their hopes up then have to dash them again when he moved on.
We slept for much of the flight, and I woke up to find myself wrapped in his arms, and his lips kissing the top of my head. I bet the other passengers had us pinned as newlyweds.
Carlisle was waiting at the airport and he and Edward collected our luggage and we headed for the Mercedes.
To my surprise, Edward refused shotgun and sat in the back with me, though he kept his hands to himself and a gap between us.
"Son, just let me say this and get it out of the way. Esme has been talking to Jasper. You know your Mother could get blood from a stone. She knows you still don't have a girlfriend, and she's concerned about your hooking up habits. I had nothing to do with this. Okay?"
"Okay," Edward replied, frowning.
Esme rushed to greet us as we alighted from the car and after the general noisy Cullen welcome, I fought to make Emmett put me down and shook hands with some blonde girl who I assumed was his latest shiny toy.
Edward did not look pleased to see this girl, Tanya.
His Dad disappeared quick smart, and Esme had us all sit down in the sitting room, then suggested I help her in the kitchen.
"You too, Emmett," she said in a tone that made him obey and not argue.
Edward looked at me hopefully and I smiled and waved as we left him alone with this girl. I already doubted she was there for Emmett because her eyes had not left Edward.
"Bella, I'm sorry about this," Esme said. "Last time he called he said he was coming alone so I thought, knowing you two are evidently never going to give in and just fall in love with each other, then it is time to force Edward into changing his unsavoury habits and get him back into a relationship. It's not healthy or kind to be sleeping with girls he has no intention of ever having a future with."
"Can I just say, the girls know his intentions and his rules and they are free to say no if they don't want the same thing he does," I informed her. "The world has changed. This sort of thing is surprisingly common now."
"That does not make it right. Young people fall into bed so easily. We used to go out and get to know any man we thought could be special and kept lovemaking for the final test, when we were sure we wanted to be together for the foreseeable future at least. Nobody even wants forever now. But that's okay. I can live with my sons having relationships if there are feelings involved and they become like a mini marriage for a while, until both people involved move forward or walk away if it's clear nothing more can happen between them. But this...one night stand idea. Sex without emotions. How do they know if they even like the girl? Have girls just become something to use and toss aside?
I thought I raised my boys to be better than that. Clearly not.
Emmett here has already been with a couple of girls in this town and we've hardly unpacked our suitcases. I keep telling him, this is a chance to make a new reputation for himself. He could be a guy that girls want to date, not just sleep with but will he listen?"
Emmett shrugged and stretched his long legs out and put his feet up on the table as he rocked on the chair he was sitting on, balancing it on just it's back legs.
I thought he was being rather foolhardy, seeing his Mom seemed to be in the mood to kick the chair out from under him.
"Tanya is here to dazzle Edward into falling madly in love with her," Emmett interjected. "Mom wants grandbabies. She's given up on me and she would never suggest Jas get married in case he marries Skanky Whore-Girl Maria, , so Edward has to be the one to ' do the right thing' and get a ball and chain attached to his leg."
"So, who is Tanya?" I asked.
"She was Edward's very first girlfriend," Esme enthused.
"She was Edward's first everything," Emm added, raising his eyebrows and waggling them.
"She taught him how to.."
"Emmett! Enough," Esme warned. "Tanya is a very nice girl and a family friend. She and her sisters and my boys have played together all their lives and it just seems like she would be good for him."
She rose and filled the jug and turned it on and started the coffee machine.
"I'll just see who wants tea and who wants coffee."
After she left, Emm moved and sat down beside me.
"Tanya's a good time girl, all right. Mom doesn't know it, but she was my first as well."
"Gross, Emmett, that sounds almost incestuous," I growled.
"Oh come on. She was no virgin. She did such a good job teaching me how to fuck, I thought she should train my brothers as well. Edward didn't actually know she and I had..."
"Did he have feelings for her?" I asked. I don't know why I cared. Maybe I was jealous that he may have seen her as more than a fuckbuddy.
"It's complicated. He had been dating her a lot but I was 'dating' a girl just because she was awesome in bed myself. Mom liked us to date, so we appeared to. I assumed Edward was just following my lead.
It kept her happy and we got to do what we wanted to in the first place. We brought them home for Sunday dinner just often enough to keep up the charade. Then Jas stupidly let the cat out of the bag and our brother was really hurt and angry that he didn't know."
"Why would Jasper have done that?" I asked. These boys usually seemed to have one another's backs.
"He was drunk and horny and he asked Edward when he would be done with Tanya so it could be his turn. Edward had no idea what he meant so Jasper explained she had cashed my card first, before his, and now that she had been with Edward for a year, it must surely be his turn.
He was really hurt. I guess we had just assumed he was with her for the sex, but then we knew he really liked her. He didn't know her at all, of course. He liked what he thought she was, not what she really was. Edward confronted her and found out the truth.
Tanya was pissed. She stormed out and refused to oblige Jasper.
Edward didn't date anyone else for ages. Then he finally got over himself and started dating for a few years, but he didn't find anyone special. Next thing he's on Murder Squad and he's hooking up with randoms."
Oh fuck. Tanya was Edward's Riley in a way. Maybe not to the same degree but what a shock it must have been for him.
I know if Jake had been with my non-existent older sister first, then with me, I'd have had a very hard time ever trusting any guy again. First times are meant to be special.
Jacob and I had been too young to be doing what we were, and it hadn't lasted, but I could almost look back with quiet satisfaction that it had been okay. Two kids thinking they were in love, acting on it. He even wanted me to marry him. By the time we realized we were out of our depths and not ready for such a big commitment, I'd been about to leave for college anyway, so our break-up was expected, and one most people just put down to the fact we were too far apart to meet up much any more.
His father, Billy, had suggested we attend a bonfire party on the beach as a farewell to one another. I was going to the Big Smoke, Jake would stay behind and work in Billy's workshop.
Both of them could fix any car or bike you care to mention.
Jake had no need for college degrees, his life was already laid out before him.
He and I danced on the beach; got a little drunk, and kissed like there was no tomorrow. My head became clouded and I started wondering about the wisdom of going away and turning my back on the future he had offered me.
Did I need a degree myself to ultimately have the life I wanted?
I could get a job right here. We'd manage.
Just as I opened my mouth to ask Jake his honest opinion, a girl I vaguely knew approached, and we all sat down. She refused the plastic cup of beer he offered her. I took mine and sipped it as she spoke to him.
"I'm pregnant, Jake. I can't risk drinking."
I'd sat there, confused as to why she was confiding in him, then he put his arm around her and assured her it would be okay and he would do the right thing and stand by her and his baby.
"Your baby?" I echoed.
Jake took my hand.
"Bells, I knew you would never stay here. This life is not what you want. You can't blame me for wanting someone else to be with once you were gone. I never intended this to happen but maybe it's for the best, after all. It draws our line in the sand. What we shared was wonderful but it's and I want such different things. But we can stay friends, right?"
Normally I think ex-lovers saying they can stay friends is like having your dog die but saying you can keep it's body.
But Jacob and I had been friends since we made mud pies together as babies.
What he said was true. We had always been a temporary couple with different life paths to walk.
That didn't mean I wasn't hurt to my core finding out he had been sleeping with Leah.
I think girls who have no brothers to grow up with base a lot of their early impressions of what boys are really like on their first boyfriends.
Jake had always seemed so sincere and trustworthy. I had never doubted we were exclusive for a single minute.
We'd never agreed to be, out loud, but to me, the understanding had been implied.
I'd given him my virginity and taken his. I thought that created a bond far deeper than it had in reality.
The experience taught me to never trust anyone.
But then, my own Mother had left me. I was the easy to abandon type.
Alice had listened and tried to convince me Jake was an exception, and most guys did not cheat and did not move on before the actual break-up so that became the thing I always needed in my next relationships.
To get the clean break before either of us moved on.
Naturally that led to me anticipating the point where my current boyfriend was getting restless and dumping him first. I matured in time and wiped the pre conceived notions about men from my mind when I finally met one I could trust.
Riley Biers.
He never cheated on me. He just left.
Yes, apparently Bella Swan needs two kicks in the teeth before she learns her lesson.
I wasn't the type to hold a grudge and Jacob and I worked through things.
It wasn't like we'd planned to get married by the time he started things with Leah.
I'd come home in breaks, and Jake and I had been friends again, but never anything more.
In a way, he had become almost like a brother, not that I ever said that because it would sound creepy. He became like a brother after our affair.
Nowadays it was like our relationship had just been an early teenage crush, taken too far.
But none of this helped me now.
Edward and I were not a bona fide couple.
I didn't know what I should do.
Did Edward want me to stay here in the house and play gooseberry? Or had time healed all wounds? Maybe he would like to see if she could be his One and I'd be in the way.
"Bella, I hope you don't mind but I called Charlie. He's still out on the lake fishing, of course, but he has sent a friend of yours to get you and take you back to your Dad's house. I don't mean to be rude, and had I known Edward was bringing you with him from the start, I never would have invited Tanya. But he said he was coming alone and would be here last week and she has been waiting," Esme explained as she poured coffee into cups. "I just think you being here will confuse Tanya. She'll see how well you two get on and think there's something between you, which Edward has assured me a dozen times over the years that there just isn't.
Of course I'll be calling to invite you and your Dad here for dinner later this week."
"Thanks but there's no need. I have a lot of friends to catch up with," I assured her. "Welcome to Forks, by the way. I hope you all love it as much as I do."
"I do need to talk to you sometime about this friend of yours that Jasper seems to be enamoured with," she said with a curious smile.
"Alice is great. I think they like one another," I understated. "I'm sure if I'm right, he will bring her home to meet you soon. She grew up here, with her aunt. She's a local girl."
"Oh how nice. Maybe we will meet her aunt one day. What's her name?"
"Mary Brandon but she died. She's buried in the local cemetery," I answered. Carlisle walked in and collected the tea tray. "Come on, I think Edward would like some more company. He wasn't expecting to come here and find a girl from his past waiting for him. I'm not so sure he's happy about this, Esme."
"Of course he is. He was so happy when they were together and they only broke up because he went to NYU and she went to college in Alaska."
Emmett rolled his eyes.
I chose a chair opposite to where Edward was sitting on the sofa next to Tanya and searched for clues. He looked embarrassed and she looked smitten. I got the message. Tanya may have lost him back then but she had never forgotten him and wanted another chance.
We all make mistakes. She was tall and blonde and pretty, and completely smitten.
He had really liked her and had not broken up because he lost interest in her. At the very least he needed closure. He was a rare man who was willing to communicate with women, so he needed to find out if he had forgiven her. What she did happened before they fell in love. Who didn't have secrets they never wanted their boyfriend to find out about?
There was no way I was ever going with full disclosure if I ever met my One.
We all had pasts and I wouldn't want details of his either, unless it intruded on our relationship; like if he had children to someone already.
Actually, a guy with kids would suit me because I was never having any of my own.
I put my teacup down and wished Jacob would hurry up. It felt awkward.
Rule number one of fuckbuddies is, back off if your friend wants to explore the possibility he could have a real relationship with someone else. He'd do the same for me, and he'd soon tell me if I was wrong and he didn't like her.
He is thirty years old, there's no way he's going to go along with this for his Mom, only for himself. We were not seventeen and he didn't have to do what Esme preferred. If he wanted a chance with Tanya, I could free him and walk away.
I chewed my lip and ignored the turmoil in my chest.
It was just the idea of missing out on all that awesome sex I told myself.
And his arms. I would miss being in his arms.
We drank our coffee and made polite small talk but I couldn't read Edward at all. He was avoiding eye contact with me. That can't be good.
"Excuse me while I use the bathroom," I finally said, eager to leave the tension filled room for a minute.
The downstairs powder room is a work of art and I sat there admiring the way everything Esme touched turned to gold. Look at my own apartment now. She had virtually done the decorating now I had all Edward's furniture.
These distractions were not actually happening and I sighed.
"We should have had sex on the plane. Who cares who would be watching. Dammit."
The door eased open and Edward walked in, closing it behind him.
"Edward, for Heaven's sake,it's never actually been one of my aims in life for you to watch me pee."
"I don't mind, Baby."
"Shut your eyes," I ordered gruffly and quickly dabbed around the area in question with paper and stood up, reaching for my panties.
"Hey, you don't need them," he said, at my side in an instant.
His hand cupped me and I exhaled, debating whether to slap him or let him touch.
Touching was good.
His mouth descended onto my throat and I knew I had to halt this or it would be my first experience of sex in a bathroom.
"Leave your bedroom window open tonight," he whispered.
"I thought you might want to explore the possibility you and Tanya might recapture..."
"Bella, taking back an old girlfriend is like going to a yard sale and buying back your own crap. Tanya and I have been there and it's done. I will explain one day but just know Esme is misguided in thinking I would ever want Tanya again after what she did."
"But maybe you need closure," I suggested, rocking on his hand, feeling his long clever fingers do their thing.
"Closure. What a load of crap. Closure is 'Goodbye, it's been fun, have a great life' and we did that years ago. She is my past, not my present or my future."
"Edward," I warned and he got the message and covered my lips with his own and muffled my cries as he took me over the edge.
I stood there, shaking in his arms, wondering how the heck I was settling for schoolyard sex relief and yet finding it the second best experience of my life so far. Oh, wait, third, of course. Third best. How could I forget Edward's tongue?
Forgetting that experience just proved how little I deserved him.
"Bella," a voice very like Emmett's called, as he knocked on the door. "Are you okay? Your friend is here."
"I'm fine, very very fine," I answered, glaring at Edward, daring him to speak and give us away.
He smirked and I kissed him quickly and left him inside the powder room as I returned to the others.
I said my farewells and headed out. Carlisle walked with me.
"Bella, I'm sorry we aren't offering you a room. "
"It's fine. Esme has her matchmaking to do and I'm the spare wheel here. See you all soon."
Jacob had my suitcase already and was putting it into his truck. I ran out and threw my arms around his neck.
Despite his age, he seemed to grow a little taller every time I saw him.
"Six foot six," I guessed, as I always did on first seeing him after months apart.
He grabbed my waist and twirled me around and put me down.
"Six foot seven but who is counting, Bells?" he chuckled. "I'm taller than you, that's all that counts. Come on, we have the whole house to ourselves until the competition ends. You know you want to do this."
I clapped my hands.
"Yes. We get to paint that damned kitchen."
Mom had been the last person to paint it twenty six years ago and Dad refused to ever paint it over. It had looked like crap for decades.
And maybe next we could paint my nursery themed bedroom and make it into a guest room.
Jake grabbed my hand and we got into the truck and I turned and saw Edward standing at the window. I waved to him, and Jake headed for home.
X~x~X~x~X
Jake had tins of paint and brushes and rollers ready and waiting. He started on the kitchen and I headed upstairs to change. I was a little tired from the trip but Leah was there, already stripping Humpty Dumpty from my walls.
"Hey Bella. You look great. Let me guess, you met someone and this time it's for real."
"I wish," I laughed. "Nope, same old, same old."
She sighed and shook her head.
"Tell me it's not because of what we did to you. Honestly, I thought you and Jake had agreed you two were over. I never intended getting pregnant. That was just so badly timed."
"Leah, please, let it go. I've told you before, we had agreed to split up. There was no harm done and I got to be Godmother so it was win all around. You haven't brought Rachel and Rebecca to visit me today?"
"That pair around open paint tins? What do you think? Sam is playing Godfather and taking them out in his boat to watch Billy and Charlie reel in the winning catch. So, where is there going to be room for yet another fishing trophy?"
She laughed.
I guess it was funny. The damn things were everywhere. At the front and back doors to hold the doors open; on Charlie's desk to weigh down paper, crammed onto every shelf and into every cupboard in the house. There was even one propping up the window with the broken sash cord in the bathroom. His office at work had them dotted all over the place as well. I almost hoped he and Billy would lose. One day he'll die and leave me the world's largest collection of Fishing Trophies as my inheritance.
I'll donate them to the local library and let them worry about what to do with the suckers.
"So, what colours are we painting this guestroom?" she asked.
The last of the wallpaper was down and I wanted to hug her for that. I hate stripping it off walls, thus the reason it lasted all through my teenage years, just hidden behind posters of pop stars and movie idols.
I noticed those posters were neatly stacked in a pile on my bed.
"You can toss them away too. I don't really idolize Destiny's Child any more. Do they even exist now? Aw, Jurassic Park. I loved that movie. And Scooby Doo. Movies were so sweet and harmless back then. Nobody went to bed and had nightmares after watching Shaggy and Scooby catch the bad guys."
I went to pick them up and she growled.
"Hey, they are vintage. I'm selling them on ebay."
"Leah, I'm twenty five, I don't even think I'd qualify as vintage."
"Tell yourself that, Bells," she laughed. At twenty four herself, she could hardly talk.
"So, I hear spinsters that prefer kittens to men and babies like colours like mauve and moss green, shall we paint this room with that colour scheme in mind? One day you'll get too old to chase felons and you'll bring Fluffykins and Sheba and Tigger home to live here with your Dad."
"I don't own cats," I growled. "Oh, I do have a dog now. Guess what it's name is?"
Leah narrowed her eyes.
"I'm going to guess you name it after me so you can say 'That Leah is such a bitch' and nobody can argue."
"Wrong. He's a boy and he was named by his last owner. It's Jakey."
"So, when you want to kick out and punish Jake, you can kick the dog?" she laughed.
"I would never kick my dog. If I wanted to kick your husband, I would go for the real thing."
"Bella, I just worry about you. A girl your age should be looking for a nice man and thinking about settling down. I fear we damaged you."
"Leah, for heaven's sake, let it go. I've forgiven and forgotten already. I just don't feel the need to belong to anyone yet."
"It will happen," she stated. "One day you'll be wrapped in the arms of Mr Right Now and realize he is actually Mr Right."
That seemed vaguely familiar. Maybe an echo of a dream? Does Edward play piano or was I confusing him with Rick Blaine?
"Says you. Now, who is using the roller and who is painting the tricky bits? I bags the roller."
Even with this so-called OdourFree paint, the room ended up smelling a little like a chemistry lab,so we opened both the bay window and the smaller one in the far wall, and I opened the other windows out on the landing and in Charlie's bedroom. I was standing there debating if we should take further advantage of his absence and paint his bedroom as well when Jake called up the stairs that he was done and he and leah needed to go home and feed their twins.
Leah and I washed ourselves up and went down to have a coffee before they went.
x~X~x
EPOV
I paced around the small backyard and looked up at the only room upstairs with a light on. It's windows were wide open despite the chill in the air. A convenient tree reminded me of stories Bella had shared about her first romance, with a local boy.
He used to sneak inside her bedroom once her father was asleep via the branches of this tree.
If I ever have a daughter, she will not be having anything so convenient outside her window. Maybe I'd live in a skyscraper and keep her well out of harm's way.
I flexed my arms and grabbed on to the lowest branch and hauled myself upwards.
Her window sill was wide and painted an odd pale green but I suppose it harmonized with the lilac walls. I sat down on it and swung my legs inside and smiled as I saw Bella lying facedown on her bed, wearing nothing but a pair of lace boy leg panties.
She was deeply asleep, snoring quietly. I sat there watching her sleep. It was kind of fascinating.
"Edward," she murmured.
I grinned.
"I love you, my Edward," she sighed, rolling over, exposing her beautiful breasts to me. I should cover them up and keep them warm for her, I told myself, trying to control the sudden acceleration of my heartbeat at her words. She knew the truth in her sleep but it would take time for her to recognize and acknowledge that we were meant to be together forever when she was awake.
I am a patient man, if something is worth the wait, and she would be.
"I love you too, my Bella," I replied and she opened her eyes and looked at me.
Her expression changed to one of horror as she saw me.
"What?" I asked, confused.
For Heaven's sake, I'd been inside her, why was entering her bedroom such a terrible thing to do?
"Edward, tell me those jeans are not your two thousand dollar custom made Cavalli's," she said anxiously.
"They are. Nice of you to finally notice. They happen to be my favourites," I replied. See, I'm good for her. She knows a brand.
"Ooops," she sighed, dropping back face down into her pillow.
A/N Oh yes, I did end on a fade to black. Bella's going to have to take off Edward's painty jeans now. Merry Christmas. Will continue this in 2013, off on vacation.
Thanks as always to my 20 reviewers. May you all get an Edward in your stockings. (Interpret that however you like.)
So, the longer the chapters, the more readers I get and the less reviews? So, do I go back to 3,000 word chapters?