It's Murder

Chapter 6

EPOV

"What?"

Bella was trying to smother her laughter into her pillow and I was lost. I had no idea what was so amusing. I removed my long sleeved Tshirt and dropped it onto the chair sitting by her window and as she raised no objections, undid my jeans. I always fold them or hang them over a chair, so proceeded to do so and that was when I saw the paint stain.

"I'm so sorry," Bella managed to utter despite her mirth. "I'm sure I can find something to get the mark off them."

"It's fine," I assured her. "The way designers destroy their jeans in the name of design, nobody will even know the paint was not meant to be there but you and I will know, and we will remember this night every time we look at these jeans."

I lay down beside her and ran my fingers up her spine and she shivered.

I love a shivery Bella.

Reaching for her worn and washed out quilt, I pulled it over us; my arms around her, breathing her in. She lay there, gazing at the ceiling, probably planning to paint it next.

"It feels like you want to talk. I'm happy to listen," she stated quietly.

"I guess I should explain," I said. I finally felt ready to tell her the story of my first time, and the scar it left on my heart.

It wasn't as if Tanya and I were really in love, but when you lose your virginity to a girl you have known all your life, and that you think of as a close friend, you are vulnerable. I thought I was in love and so my heart had ached when I found out it had all been a farce from the start. Tanya had insisted it may have started as a favour to Emmett and a way to bag all three Cullen brothers, but apparently things had changed once she realized I was not going to treat her like Emmett had. To him she had been a convenient girl to use and learn from, but to me, she was my first real grown up girlfriend.

Mom had been thrilled, and had encouraged my feelings for Tanya, saying first love was a beautiful thing to watch bloom. She fussed about' buying me trendy clothes; giving me free reign on how often I phoned Tanya when we were apart, and she was always suggesting ways for me to strengthen my bond.

Thanks to Mom's enthusiasm, Tanya received flowers every week; and little gifts in the mail that my Mother had spotted and pointed out to me.

"Girls love little trinkets that show her you are thinking about her," she explained so I went along with it.

We were together in breaks in the final year of High School; she came and stayed with us or I flew to her family home, and I was thinking of attending college in Alaska just so we could be together. Just after graduation, Jasper dropped his bomb and suddenly I just needed to get away from everyone.

Mom was confused but settled for the explanation Dad offered; that Tanya and I were too young to be deciding anything permanent yet, and that some distance was a good idea.

"If it's love, Esme, it will last the test of distance. If it's not, well, they will always have their memories to look back on."

I already knew it was nothing like love.

For a whole year I had been faithful, never even considered cheating, and all the time she had not only been around the block a few times, but also taken Emmett's virginity as well. Before mine.

I thought it was all some sick, elaborate joke until I saw the confirmation of Jasper's words in both Emmett's and Tanya's eyes. He'd looked like it was no big deal, and she'd looked annoyed and, yes, sorry, but it was too late. Everything was spoiled.

All the feelings I'd imagined we shared were built on nothing but a lie, and I was cut to the quick. Of course I tried to hide it, and pretend I hadn't cared about Tanya anyway, but they all knew and I felt like such an idiot.

It was a relief to escape to NYU. Emmett was already attending CUNY, so was in the same city but not on the same campus, thank God. He didn't witness my fall from grace as I started using girls to get revenge on Tanya. Of course it was stupid and pointless and she didn't even know, so I finally came to my senses and stopped screwing around.

Dating was better but none of the girls had much effect on me and I still harboured a lot of anger for Tanya because I feared maybe she was my One and she had fucked that up all too well. There was never any going back. We were done and the endless stream of phone calls and voice messages that went on for a year afterwards were just an annoyance. I never read or listened to what messages she left, and in time they stopped.

I came out of the experience both weaker and stronger. I would never allow any girl to fool me again and casual sex was on tap on campus, so it was all too easy to start hooking up and walking away. It's amazing how easy it is to lower your standards and accept hooking up instead of a real relationship. Your sexual needs are met and there is no danger of being hurt.

I could understand Bella all too well.

I'd been there, done that.

But you have to keep trying or you will never have the life you want.

When dating proved futile and the place on the Murder Squad came available, there it was. MY ideal job with a built in excuse to go back to playing fast and loose. If not for Bella I guess it would have become the permanent solution, because by then I didn't even consider maybe looking for something more. Someone more.

I was happy enough hooking up.

I was happy having a best friend who was a woman.

In time we became rather like a married couple and we fulfilled one another's every need but one. And now we were doing that together as well.

Bella listened, and when I finished talking, she placed her hands on either side of my face and kissed me in such a gentle and understanding way, I knew she was thinking we had even more in common now.

First lovers who had let us down and not been what we had thought.

She'd been brave. She'd let Riley in, and look how that ended. If he and Jake ruined my chances, I'd been really annoyed, because I did not want to be judged by their behaviour.

And it would crush me to lose Bella now.

"Hey, would you feel better if we 'made sex' together and commiserated about our joint bad taste and lack of good judgement," she offered, wrapping her arms around my torso and kissing my chest.

"I just want to sleep here beside you and hold you for a while," I replied.

I know, crazy. I was turning down comfort sex in exchange for just comfort, but somehow it felt right. I didn't want to associate making love to Bella as a pity fuck or a bandaid solution.

I wanted us to make love because it was about us, and what we wanted.

No ghosts in the bed beside us.

In the early hours before dawn, I awoke to find Bella talking away in her sleep and to my surprise, it was turning into a sex dream, and I was the star. Just listening to her pleading for my body was a huge turn on that I could not ignore, so I inched closer.

I was laying behind her at the time, spooning her back and I knew penetration from this angle would be too tight, while she was still getting used to my size. Guys think a big dick is the be all and end all and will get you endless bedmates, but it has it's drawbacks as well.

The first girl I dated in Junior Year at High School had been lovely, kind and funny, and we were well matched but as things progressed and the inevitable night came when we wanted to go all the way, problems had arisen.

I was more than a virgin could handle and our attempts had ended in frustration and futility for me; pain and fear for her.

Nothing's changed; I have never taken a virgin. It's just not something that is physically possible, so every girl I've slept with has had others to compare me to and I hated that for a long time.

I really believed Tanya when she told me she was a virgin, even though she had no problem accommodating my size. That should have been the clue.

It had been so impossible with the girls before her, yet I slid inside her without her so much as needing me to take it slow and let her adjust.

At the time, I thought it was a sign.

Perfect fit.

Then I knew better.

Anyone who could take Emmett's size was bound to be able to accommodate me without flinching.

Unlike me, he never cared about finding a virgin and making her his alone. He liked his women well broken in, and he liked an instant zero to a hundred sexlife. No gentle lovemaking; he just liked it full on from the first time with every girl he dated.

I can never be Bella's first, so I guess it will never bother me again about missing out on taking a virgin, but it will always be something I regret a little.

If we had been one another's firsts, I don't think there would have ever been anyone else for either of us. I wish I knew her back then, in High School. I would have liked to go to class with her, and carry her books, and drive her to and from school; all that cute stuff you do with your High School sweethearts.

"Edward," she sighed, pushing up against my pelvis, rubbing herself against me. I was instantly hard.

"Please," she begged.

Intercourse may not be an option in this position but outercourse was.

I slid between her folds and heard her sigh happily as she ground her backside against me as I thrust forward, against her nerve center. She closed her legs and kept me trapped between them, and that made it snug for me, too. We rocked together until I felt her begin to lose it, then I let go myself and released onto the sheet in front of her as she cried out as her orgasm hit. No condom, but we were safe. I wasn't inside her at any point and was not releasing close enough to her entrance to allow any stray sperm to enter her. I loved the feeling of our naked skin touching, rubbing together. I guess I could have stopped but Bella gripped my penis tightly until her aftershocks ended, then started again.

She was still asleep, amazingly.

As she started to become frantic again, I flipped her over so she was facing me, and grabbed a foil packet from her bedside table. I needed to be inside her, even if it meant allowing rubber between us.

"Bella, Baby," I chanted, nibbling her neck and biting her earlobe to wake her up.

"Edward?" she said in a sleepy voice.

"Can I make love to you properly now?" I whispered.

"Oh, it's not just a sex dream?" she replied, and her legs sprung apart.

My sweet and wonderful Bella.

I made it last as long as possible, thrusting with long, slow, deep strokes that Bella seemed to enjoy, going on the way she hummed and bucked back at me, just as slowly.

When she started coming undone, she clenched and I smiled as we came together.

"I love you," I confessed, risking frightening her off and taking us back to being friends without benefits. I couldn't help myself; I just felt like I'd burst if I didn't say it.

"I love you too, Edward," she replied, then she laughed.

"Good one, Cullen. You almost sounded sincere. And you caught me up in the moment."

"I did ,didn't I," I laughed. She wasn't there yet and I had to stop pushing her. I could topple this thing down like a house of cards if I didn't learn some restraint and patience.

Dispensing of the condom into the little bin beside her bed, I swore to myself to have better control of my tongue in future.

I held her tight and kissed the top of her head until she slipped back into slumber.

x~X~x

I knew I was dozing, neither awake nor asleep, but I was aware enough to feel the lack of warmth against me when Bella got out of her bed.

What a night.

She'd woken again and wanted more, so what could I do but oblige her, then I'd fallen asleep and dreamed about the sex we'd just had and somehow it had turned into the real thing again, and now I was exhausted but very satisfied.

"Breakfast is served, Edward," Bella yelled from downstairs, and I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair, grimacing at the knotty mess she had managed to turn it into.

I used her bathroom and washed my face in cold water before going downstairs. The place smelled of paint and bacon.

I was just wearing my boxers, but we were not expecting company.

Bella was wearing a little frilly, white apron with nothing on beneath it. Earlier I would have said I liked her best naked, but this garment just barely hid everything I wanted to see and touch, and I had to hold my breath when she turned her back on me and bent to pick up something that had fallen to the floor.

I was behind her in an instant, kissing her neck, reaching for her breasts underneath the while bib.

She tilted her head back onto my shoulder and offered me the entire expanse of her lily white throat, so I nipped and licked her skin and pinned her against the counter.

"When will we be able to do it from the back?" she whispered, grinding against me.

"In time, Baby. I just don't want to do anything that will hurt you. God, I wish I was smaller at times like these."

"Edward, you are just perfect, believe me. I will get used to you, I promise."

I turned her around and kissed her more roughly than I had intended but my erection was pulsing with desire and pain from being ignored.

I sat her on the benchtop and she opened her legs and started messing with my hair again as I slid inside her body.

I have to slow down and be gentle. I can't risk hurting her, I reminded myself but my dick was not listening as it ploughed inside her, thrusting hard as my hands molded around her backside.

"God, yes," she whispered, wrapping her arms around my head, forcing my face into her now naked breasts. She angled a nipple towards my mouth and I took it inside and sucked like there was no tomorrow and she screamed as she came undone around me.

Clench, for God's sake, clench now, I begged silently but she was already tightening around me and I cried out her name as she milked my juices into her body.

I held her against me and we shook together as I lifted her from the countertop and kissed her lips roughly.

"God, that was amazing," she informed me, reaching down to grab my dick and rub it back to it's former hardness. "I liked it like that, raw and desperate," she whispered in my ear and her hand was superfluous. I backed her up against the wall and thrust inside, allowing myself to be as hard and rough as I wanted, and she moaned her approval.

I think it was as we came together again that we both realized there had been no condoms involved.

"Oh shit," I swore, as I withdrew, far too late.

"I do have an implant and we were both tested. It will be okay," she assured me.

We were both a little shell shocked at what we had allowed to happen.

X~x~X

"We need to talk about this," I said as we stood under the stream of water in her shower. "I know implants are pretty safe but things happen and it's a lot better to discuss that beforehand and know what we would do if we slipped up. We need to be on the same page. It's too important to not be clear about what we would do if anything happened."

"What would you want me to do?" Bella asked, her voice giving me no clue about what she wanted the answer to be. I decided honestly was best. I held her against me so her face was turned, resting on my chest and I could speak without having to watch her eyes and see her gut reaction, if it was bad.

"I would want you to have the baby and marry me," I replied. "In whichever order you preferred. We know one another so well by now, it's not like we just met. I believe you and I could make a real go at marriage, Bella. We are best friends and lovers and what else more is there left to be now? I love you and even if you won't admit it yet, I know you love me."

"Get married?" she said in surprise. "Edward, we are not anywhere near being ready for that yet."

I smiled against her hair, because she had not said it would never happen, or that it was not something she ever wanted. She just knew it was too soon, but one day, it will happen.

"I think we will make a fantastic couple. I can see us already, sitting in our rocking chairs on the porch with our grandkids sitting at our feet, eating your chocolate chip cookies."

I tensed and waited for her reply.

"By the time we have grandkids, someone will have announced chocolate is some deadly poison and nobody should ever eat it again. They'll be eating organically grown broccoli cookies," she laughed.

I shrugged happily.

"So, would you marry me even if I didn't knock you up first?" I asked.

Bella stepped back and gazed into my eyes.

"You know, I'm going to think about it. We do seem like a good fit, and I do trust you completely. I don't believe you would ever hurt me on purpose. I guess I'm surprised about the way this is going but maybe marriage is something worth considering, one day. Let's just wait and see how things progress but you can pencil me in as an interested party considering all options," she replied.

"Good to know," I said, pulling her back against my chest and holding her there as the shower water washed us clean.

BPOV

The smell of burning bacon reached us and I hurriedly wrapped a towel around my torso and ran downstairs. Luckily I'd turned the heat down to low, so little harm was done but the bacon was kind of black and past it's eatable state.

I rather preferred the smell to that lingering odour from the paint, anyway.

After tossing the burned meat outside for any desperate birds or creatures to scavenge, I started cleaning up the kitchen and paused at the benchtop we had defiled.

Common sense dictated that I sprayed that counter down with some hygienic disinfectant but I was a little regretful even as I did that.

I'd never look at this area here again without remembering.

No condoms.

I wasn't really concerned that Edward may have knocked me up; thousands of women depended on the implant alone and that's what it was designed for; for sex without condoms, but the way the conversation had gone afterwards was surprising.

I did agree; we needed to be on the same page but I was still shocked that he wanted to marry me someday. Here I was, madly suppressing my feelings; never daring to let hope take over, and all the time Edward loved me?

It could just be the fallout of the excellent sex we had been having but time would show us if that's all it was. Strangely, I wanted it to be more than that. Imagine being actually loved and treasured by Edward. He was exactly the kind of man girls dreamed about but doubted really existed.

His one flaw had been his preference for having random hook ups.

I guess I ruled him out because of that, and maybe all the time what he really craved was something more. Even if we didn't last the distance, I knew Esme would be very pleased with me for pulling him back into wanting something real as opposed to something quick and temporary.

I'd just finished when he came downstairs, fully clothed sadly, and he walked straight to my side and started kissing me.

His phone was beeping and buzzing as someone tried to call, and left texts or voice messages instead.

"Please be Marcus," he sighed, pulling the cell out and glancing at the screen.

"Tanya," I read, smirking.

"Oh I was supposed to take her to breakfast," he remembered. "Mom arranged it. I guess the local diner is as good a place as any to tell her I'm taken and she may as well go home and continue breaking in the local virginal boys."

"Edward, are you sure you are over her?" I checked. He sounded bitter.

"Believe me, I don't care if I never see Tanya again, in fact, I'd prefer that. I hate what she did to me, but I don't feel any need at all to discuss it with her now, years later. What she did fucked me up for a long time but it's over now. I know what I want, and who I want to be with and it has nothing to do with her or Esme. I'll come back later, but believe me, I'm only doing this to get rid of an annoyance. I want to enjoy myself while we are in Forks, and it won't happen if my Mom keeps tossing Tanya at me."

I watched him leave and went upstairs to strip my bed linen and wash it, in the hope my bed would be nice and fresh tonight, ready for another visit. I suppose this constant need to have sex will pass in time, it was just that we knew one another so well in every other way that this was taking priority right now.

God, he was good. Good gentle, good rough, good even outside, not penetrating yet still getting me off. But I always have liked sex from behind and we have to find a way to try that. I'd thought he would rip me apart when I sat on top yet it hadn't happened and things had adjusted and fitted together perfectly.

It would be the same with sex from the back. I just needed to convince Edward of that.

I was made to have babies and while he was large, babies were a lot larger.

I found a book and a blanket and went outside to catch some of this somewhat rare early morning sun.

X~x~X

EPOV

The house appeared to be empty so I ran upstairs to 'my room' that I had been assigned to change clothes.

The blinds were pulled down and with the windows being ninety per cent of the wall space, my bedroom was dark.

I didn't need light for this anyway. How many years have I been dressing myself? I know where everything goes. My shirt and paint adorned jeans hit the floor and I slid out of my boxers, feeling a sudden affection for them. They'd be my favourites, now.

I felt around in the drawers where Mom had evidently unpacked the clothes from my suitcase, and a light beside the bed flicked on, scary the life out of me.

"Tanya, what the fuck," I exclaimed as she sat up enough in my bed to show she was topless, which, with Tanya, undoubtedly meant she was completely naked.

Naturally Emmett chose that moment to come rushing upstairs, sounding like a stampeding buffalo. He paused at my door and looked at us both.

"So I see you are doing what Mom wants and getting back with Tanya," he stated.

"I'm not with her," I growled, rustling through the drawer and finally feeling the slippery fabric of clean boxers and grabbing them out. As I pulled them on, Emmett grinned and waved a hand around the room.

"So you are just fucking her? Seriously? You have to make her feel like a piece of meat to get over what she did to you?"

"I never treated Edward badly, " Tanya protested. "I know it was just meant to be an arrangement but it changed into something more. I loved him."

"You would not know what love is," I replied, pulling on my least favourite jeans and a Tshirt.

"I suppose you would? I know you have been fucking every girl who will let you. That hardly sounds like love," Tanya replied.

"Things have changed," I retorted. "I have a girlfriend now."

"Lucky you. Just be sure it's you she wants and doesn't use you as a replacement," Tanya stated roughly.

"What are you talking about?" I growled.

Tanya started to cry and I turned to Emmett.

"Remember Garrett? He was dating Kate then they broke up and he asked Tanya out a few times. She thought he wanted her but he was using her to make Kate jealous and it worked. Garrett and Kate ran off and eloped," my brother explained. "Tanya and I had a long talk last night, while you were missing."

"I wasn't missing, I was right where I belonged," I answered, pulling on a hoodie. "Emmett do me a favour. Take Tanya to breakfast at the diner and explain to her that the Cullen boys do not give second chances."

"Where are you going? Mom will ask," he said nervously. I swear he could fight a grizzly bear and win but our one hundred pound Mother had him under her thumb.

"Tell her I'm out on a date. With my girlfriend. Tanya will be packing her stuff and going home today so maybe you could drive her to the bus station or whatever. Nice seeing you, Tanya. I'll send you an invitation to the wedding but don't feel obligated to attend. I won't even notice if you turn up."

I felt completely free again as I sped back to the Swan house but it seemed the Great Forks Fishing Competition was over, and Charlie was hosing down his beloved boat as it rested on it's boat trailer in the driveway.

Bella was sitting on the front stoop, holding this year's gold trophy in her hand.

"I guess we could use it to hold the spare roll of toilet paper in the bathroom," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Hey Edward, good to see you," Charlie greeted me. "So, who do you think claimed First Place this year?"

"Unless that is a new toilet roll holder, I'm going to guess it was you," I answered, shaking the hand he offered me. "I thought there was another day to go."

"The judges seemed to want to be somewhere else and Billy and I had already doubled the closest catch, so I guess they gave up," he laughed, patting his boat as if it was a beloved pet.

"They need to add a handicap for the last year's winners," Bella suggested and earned a glare from her Dad.

"So, what are you kids up to? Do you have plans because there are a whole stack of fish needing to be gutted and got ready for the freezer."

Bella instantly jumped up and came to my side.

"Sorry, Dad. Marcus has us investigating a suspicious character at the Res so we will be out all day but we'll be back to cook your dinner, promise."

She ducked inside the house and returned with beach towels and a very small blue bikini, and a large picnic hamper.

"Have fun," Charlie called as we dumped the basket in the trunk and got into my car.

"Thanks, I really needed to get away before he went inside and saw the kitchen."

"What's wrong with the kitchen? Don't tell me we damaged the counter top."

"Edward, I said you were good, but you were not supernatural. There's no indentations left in the benches or anything. No, Jake and Leah and I painted a few things, remember?"

"My jeans will never forget," I replied.

"Well, I'm not one hundred percent sure Charlie will appreciate what we did. He is never going to let go of Renee while that damned kitchen is sitting there, painted the day before she left."

"It looks good, Bella. I think he will like it. If not, just know that I like your kitchen very, very much."

"Maybe you could explain to Dad why you like it and then he might like it as well," she joked.

"Or he may set a match to it and burn it down," I replied.

Bella sat back with her head against the headrest and closed her eyes.

"So, who is this suspicious character?" I asked her.

"It's the Res, Edward. I'm sure there will be plenty of suspicious looking men there. If not, there's always Jake. We can arrest him and beat a confession out of him."

"Sounds like fun. Maybe we could gather up every boyfriend you ever had and make a bonfire."

"Jake is the only boyfriend I ever had here in Forks. You will need to hold your bonfire back in the city."

"Would I need a permit for that?" I mused out loud.

"Well, if I gather up all your skanks and add them, we may create a real fire hazard," Bella stated.

"I'm sorry about ever hooking up in front of you. I guess it was some Alpha Male thing," I apologized. "I just wish you had let me take you out after the Riley thing fell apart."

"I did consider it but then you would have been my rebound guy and they never stick around for long. I wanted to save you for something better."

"I didn't ask you to sleep with me when we first got partnered for the same reason. I never saw this happening, but even back then, I knew if we ever got together, we would be something special and it was not the right time."

"I would not have slept with you anyway. I've always been monogamous," she replied.

"I knew that about you. I think I can spot a cheater at ten paces and you have never given off that vibe," I agreed.

"Edward, if we do become a real couple, I could not bear it if you ever cheated on me," she said , and I could hear the plea in her voice.

"Baby, I know what they did to you and I would never do that. I value you as a human being, not to mention the fact that I love you and would never treat someone I love badly. I know what it's like being on the receiving end, don't forget. If we do this, then it's real and we both have to be all in."

"Good plan," she agreed.

"So, what are we really doing here on the Res?" I asked as I parked the car in the parking lot that ran beside the beach.

"We are having a picnic, and maybe a swim, and I am sure we will do some making out on the blanket, but we are not having sex."

"Agreed," I replied. "We are spending way too much time making love. We have spent time together for years now without resorting to that and we can control ourselves now, and spend some time just being together."

"The way you said that," she commented. "We have spent years not making love...I guess that's why it kind of happens every time we kiss now."

"Sure. Maybe we are making up for lost time. Wasted time. We could have been doing this for years if either of us had pulled our heads out of our arses and smelt the coffee. It was always going to end up this way."

Bella took my hand as I carried the hamper and she threw the blanket and towels over her shoulder. We walked along the shore, and my eyes kept flicking back to the very brief blue bikini she was twirling around by the strings in her other hand. It looked like it was small enough to fit a young child.

Soon we came to a large wall of boulders and she led the way, showing me where to step and climb, and eventually the rocks opened to a small, secluded very private strip of beach, hidden from prying eyes. We may as well have been the only people on Earth.

She spread the blanket out and I put the basket under the shade of the rocks, and sat down beside her.

"So, what should we talk about?" she asked.

"How about you tell me how old you were when you got this bikini," I suggested. "It looks new but surely it was made for a kid."

"Actually it covers everything necessary," she replied. "I could show you."

"I would be interested in seeing that, just to be sure you are telling me the truth," I answered.

Bella stood up and slowly removed her denim shorts, then her little lace panties and dropped them beside me on the blanket.

Then she took off her hoodie and Tshirt, and surprise, no bra.

I liked watching her undress and now there she was, naked.

"I changed my mind. I think I prefer you without swimwear," I stated huskily.

Bella stood in front of me and ran her fingers through my hair, and I could smell her arousal calling to me.

"No touching," she cautioned.

"But I want to touch," I pleaded.

"Edward, this is a picnic and no sex is involved. We agreed."

"I agreed before I knew about the nakedness," I reminded her. "You must know what this is doing to me."

"Maybe you should be naked too, then we would be even," she suggested. I think my clothes evaporated. One minute there I was, dressed, and the next...naked as the day I was born.

Bella pushed me onto my back and I lay with my eyes almost closed while I watched and waited for her to give in and climb on top of me, but instead, she knelt between my thighs and I held my breath. I should say no but there was no way that would happen.

It never ended well when girls tried to do oral on me.

Her hand surrounded my shaft and she hesitantly opened her mouth as she took it inside her warm wetness. I watched her battle to fit even a third inside as her hand worked the lower portion. Yet another reason I would tick the 'average' box next time around. No woman, even Tanya, had coped with me in their mouths for long enough for my orgasm to happen.

It was always just a short appetizer before the main meal. I had always fantasized about finding a woman who had the ability to last the distance and suck me off.

Still, it did feel awesome and I would take whatever she offered as a means to finish me off.

"Hmmm," she hummed, sending shocks right through my body.

Fuck me, she was good.

I refused to ponder why. It always came down to how much experience a girl had, whether or not she was instantly good. And Bella was instantly awesome.

I let myself moan out loud as her tongue swirled and flicked at the tender head, and her hand was keeping the rest happy.

Then she surprised me by taking more in and suddenly I was in deeper than I had ever been before.

I felt incredibly excited, of course, as I felt myself hitting down her throat and my orgasm was building up. God, one more minute...

She clenched. I swear she clenched with her throat but that is impossible so it was merely her mouth or her tongue or a combination of the two and I was pouring down her throat and she swallowed!

"Fuck me Bella," I screamed. I could feel her all around me as I lost my load and hoped to God she didn't drown or choke to death.

I shut my eyes and let myself just feel this new sensation. Always she found some way to give me more firsts, when I was so sure I'd done everything already.

Finally, it was done and she calmly released my dick and licked her lips.

"Alice always said my lack of a gag reflex would come in handy. I guess she was right."

"You have no gag reflex?" I sighed. Wait until Emmett and Jasper heard this. A clencher with no gag reflex. If Charlie had owned a pub, I would be convinced she could not possibly exist on this Earth but luckily he was just a small town cop, so it was possible she was real.

"Was it okay? I've never done it long enough before so the guy could...explode. "

"It was too amazing for words. I've never come inside anyone's throat before," I replied. It may not seem like a big deal when I'd always managed to find any amount of girls to fuck, but this was so much more than I ever imagined.

She looked quite smug and pleased with herself, as she should be. The woman was a Sex Goddess.

"It's always the quiet ones," I joked, pulling her down to lay with me. "Truly, you are constantly surprising me. I always underestimate you, Bella. Who'd look at this beautiful, tiny woman and see what a dynamo she is in bed. Or out of bed, on a blanket at the beach."

"Do you want to go for a swim?" she said.

"If you want to. I could be perfectly happy laying here giving you pleasure all day long."

"What kind of pleasure?" she asked,with a twinkle in her beautiful deep brown eyes.

"Whatever type you want," I answered.

"You know what I want you to try," she replied.

"I've been thinking about that. Esme has this thing about hot tubs and she's getting one delivered and installed in the Summerhouse today. I'm thinking once they all try it out, and get over the thrill of having a new toy, you and I could try relaxing in the hot water for a while, and maybe it will make things easier."

"You will try?" she said happily.

"Bella, I want to do everything you ever wanted, I just don't want to hurt you."

"Can I go on top now then?" she asked.

"Of course," I agreed and she handed me the lube from the picnic basket.

I liked this bit, maybe too much. I loved coating her inside so things would slide in easier and I always wanted to see my fingers make her excited.

She cooed and rocked against me then stood above me, one leg on either side of my torso, giving me an excellent view. She stepped away down to my pelvis and suddenly turned to face away from me before lowering her body onto mine.

Reverse cowgirl.

I sat very still and let her control the depth of my penetration but she was indeed getting used to me, and she barely paused until I was deep inside her. Then she put her palms on my knees and started riding me, doing the humming thing she did. I placed my hands on her hips and guided her up and down gently , slowly, until she got impatient and took over, increasing the pace.

"Oh God yes, Edward," was all the warning she gave me, and she started pulsing around me and I waited for the clench. God, yes. I cried out as I filled her and she leaned back put her hands either side of my body and sat the aftershocks out.

"See," she said when she stepped off and lay beside me again. "That was tight but I managed it."

"Bella, I am beginning to think you can do anything," I confessed. "Please never feel like you are inadequate. It's my problem. I am too overly blessed and it's not the advantage people assume.

Before I was with Tanya, I had three girlfriends in a row that I really wanted to have sex with, and not one of them could handle it. As much as I hate what she had done with Emmett, and her lying about her virginity, I still have to acknowledge I would probably still be a virgin, too scared to keep trying, if it hadn't been for her. I hurt one of those girls, Bella, because she insisted we keep trying when it was obvious things could not fit. I was terrified her parents would find out and have me charged with something."

"But she encouraged you to continue. It was hardly an assault," she protested.

"Whatever. I was too large and she was too tight and she got hurt. Carlisle had to treat her so her parents would not be informed. She was bruised and bloody and it would have looked like she had been raped had she gone to the hospital ER. I never touched another girl until Tanya came along and assured me she could handle it. Even so, I didn't believe it until she got me half drunk one night and proved she was right. How I ever believed she was a virgin is one of the great mysteries of life. She clearly knew what she was doing."

"She was still quite brave, taking you on," Bella replied."I'm sure there are plenty of non virgins who could not accommodate your size. I had doubts myself."

"Nah, she could take on Emmett, it turned out and he is even larger. It was him that made me think I was just average."

"Good Lord, thank you for not letting me fall for the wrong brother," Bella said sincerely. "If he's even bigger, I don't even want to hear about it."

X~x~X

The seawater was freezing but we were both naked, so it was fun. Bella liked touching as much as she liked being touched and I didn't have to explain about the shrinkage factor cold water could bring about, because she never let go of my dick and let it shrivel.

I kept her breasts as warm as I could, and licked the salt from her nipples, so we were even.

Finally she agreed we could get out,and we lay wrapped together in towels with body heat building up inside as she snuggled against me.

"This reminds me of being in the tent," I said, playing with her breasts as I had that night.

"I really wanted to make love to you. I hardly slept."

"You almost succeeded," she confessed. "Had that hand gone too much further down, I'd have surrendered. Edward, we have to find a way to make this workout factoring in the work place thing. We cannot show affection at work or Marcus will figure it out and assign us new partners, or even transfer one of us out. I don't want to work with anyone new. It's taken me over three years to break you in."

"You could have tried using a whip," I replied, reaching a hand down lower and cradling her mound. She was slightly prickly, so today was her not shaving day. I knew already she did it every second morning. In time, I hoped she would allow me to shave her.

She opened her legs and I resorted to bringing her over with just fingering while my erection massaged her from the back and got her excited as well.

I lubed myself up and let just my tip enter her from behind and she finally got it and realized why I could not enter her fully this way.

I heard her catch her breath and immediately pulled out and let my fingers do the work, and she was so vocal I got off just listening to her moans and cries. I pumped against her back and she sighed.

"One day soon, Bella. Just be patient and it will be worth the wait."

"I do know that," she replied, twisting in my arms to turn and face me.

She started the kissing and I finished it an hour later and by then we were both hot and sticky and had broken our promise to not have sex two more times.

"It's still quality time," I defended, as she shook her head at our inability to keep our hands off one another.

"I find it so hard to believe the day will come when you will be begging me for sex and I'll be refusing, saying I would rather sleep," she stated. "It seems impossible but everyone who stays together says it ends up becoming a chore, when you have a baby and it cries all night. I don't want that to happen to us. I never want to have kids, Edward. You have to accept that if you truly want to be with me. I don't think I will ever change my mind. I should never have said that thing about our grandbabies eating broccoli cookies."

"But if you got pregnant, you would go ahead and have the baby?" I questioned. She had said she would.

"I guess so, but it's not what I want. I don't know how to be a Mother, unless you just give birth and bolt. That's all I know of motherhood. Dump the kid and go have the life you want to have. Just buy it gifts and do it's ironing when she visits you,and feed her too much food so you can kid yourself you are still a decent parent, when you are not."

"That's just Renee. You are not her. I know you would be different."

"Stop it," she replied. "You don't know that and I don't know that and I just said I never want to be put to the test. It's not the kind of test you can retake if you fail. I don't want to have children, so accept it now or let's move on and not get more involved than we are now."

"I already love you more than my life. If kids are your hard limit, then so be it. I would probably make a rubbish father anyway."

"I think you might make a great Dad but I will be robbing you of the chance to find out."

"Bella, you are my life now. Not some hypothetical child. Think of all the things you will be giving me. A wife who does amazing things to me. A woman I will love until the day I die. I never expected to have those things so you are giving me everything. It's enough, Bella. You are enough. I'm sure Jasper and Alice will have more children. I'll be a terrific uncle instead."

"I don't even know how to be a good wife. I think struggling to work that out will be all I can cope with," she sighed.

No way was I letting one disappointment ruin everything. I do want Bella more than a life with some other woman who would give me children. She wouldn't be Bella, so she would never make me as happy as the girl in my arms. Maybe Bella will change her mind one day. Maybe not. I would still choose her above anyone else.

We swam again but quickly, and dressed hurriedly and I never got to see that blue bikini on her body that day.

But we had come so far forward, a little tiny thing like that barely mattered.