It's Murder
Chapter 10
EPOV
We had one week to prepare for Bella's leaving. I knew she truly did believe she didn't need to see Riley to know that she hoped her future would be with me , but I had a nagging voice inside my head telling me to force her to face him and make an informed choice. I could not bear to hear her say in the future, that had Riley been here, she may have chosen differently. No, girls need closure, and this assignment was just the opportunity she needed to face him, and rid herself and me, of any lingering doubts.
That's how it will go down, I assured myself. She will not gaze into his eyes and remember how good they were together, and want him back. No way. I am better for her. I am making her want things she never wanted with him. That has to mean we are right together.
Bella slipped into my room and handed me a takeaway coffee. As usual, she was grinning away with what she thought was her secret, but Emmett had already spilled the beans. My girl had another male she visited in this hospital, even before she came to see me. Mind you, she only saw him through a glass window, but all the same, each day she looked so joyous after her quick visit to check on him.
"So, how is Jameson today?" I asked, and she looked at me and blushed.
"Honestly, I just go there to make sure he's okay. It's nothing," she denied.
"Bella, Emmett's just a big of a fan as you are. He must be quite some kid."
"It's just that he is so new and small and he has no idea he has to grow up without a Dad. It makes me so sad to know that. I tell myself he can't miss what he has never had, but I know what it's like to grow up with only one parent. He's going to feel different, and cheated, when his little friends in the schoolyard talk about their Dads."
"But on the other hand, he doesn't have to share his Mom with anyone. She will love him twice as much," I reassured her yet again.
"I would not have minded sharing Charlie with Renee," she sighed, settling beside me and kissing my face gently. "I want our kids to always have the comfort and reassurance that no matter what, we will both always be there to make a real two parent home for them, and provide them with whatever they need. Kids are so trusting. Once you decide to have one, you have to already have decided that child comes first, forever. That your needs do not get priority. That's why I want to wait until we are very sure we will always be together, forever. I do know you only want me to see Riley so I have no regrets, but the only regret I would ever have is if I lost you," she sighed.
"So, these kids of ours, how many are we having ?" I checked. Bella had not been specific, just edged around the subject, unable to hide her new longing to have my baby. She spoke in general terms, about 'some parents' thinking this and doing that, without ever quite admitting she was actually discussing the way she wanted to raise our own offspring.
"Two? Maybe three. I don't know. I think we will know when we have had the right number. Maybe the first one will be all we can handle," she replied, gazing into the air, her eyes unfocused. I wished I could be inside her head, reading her mind, seeing these children she was imagining.
"Maybe. I guess you have no idea how strongly you desire them until you know the reality of what it's like to raise one of your own."
"I'm not having a whole heap of them," Bella said suddenly. "Even if the first one is so amazing we want six more, or ten more. We are going to be sensible and stop as soon as we feel we have taken on a manageable amount. No matter who tries to convince us to have more. But then, if we feel we could handle a house full, then we will do that instead and ignore everyone else's opinion, okay? Surely we will come to realize how many are right for us. Even if it's less, or more, than are considered suitable these days."
I was so happy to hear her speaking this way. I had already conceded we would have the amount of children she wanted. She was the one who had to carry and give birth to them. The only problem would be if she became a baby addict and expected me to be the voice of reason and tell her enough, stop now, because to me, that was what life was all about. Having and raising a house full of kids.
Her forehead wrinkled.
"You will be an amazing mother," I said quickly, kissing her frown away. "Never doubt that."
"But I don't know how to raise a child, let alone several children. I've never had the chance to learn from my mother."
"Lucky we have Esme on hand then," I replied, taking her hand and kissing the finger that wore my ring.
Oh, we would have Esme on hand. She would probably move in with us and run the Nursery.
Speaking of my Mother, she was staying in my empty apartment, though she had informed me it now had new furniture. And Jasper and Alice and the 'grandbaby' were living with her. Emmett had decided he needed his own space and although he was staying at Bella's with her this week, he was also painting her old studio apartment to suit his own taste, having bought it from her.
I was surprised he wanted such a small place but he informed me it was just right, and that he would be keeping it on no matter how his life panned out. It would be his place to escape to, when he was in this town visiting.
I shuddered a little at how it would be furnished. I had image's of a St Andrews cross bar on one wall, and shackles on the bed frame, but whatever. It would be Emmett's playroom and there would never be any reason for me to visit. I just hoped Mom never got it into her head to go do a quick tidy up for him any time. She couldn't help herself, she was just the sort of Mother who felt it was her duty to check that her sons had clean bed sheets and food in the fridge.
But, that was Emmett's problem.
My problem was surviving this next few weeks without Bella. And forcing myself to NOT picture her in Riley's arms. She would never do that to me. Even though it was practically what I was asking her to do; to go to him and make sure. Okay, I was nervous, despite my faith in us. I'd never seen them together as a couple, and I had seen how broken Bella was when he left. We had discussed that, because that kind of reaction didn't happen when she had broken up with Mike and the others. What she had felt for Riley once was very different and much stronger. The question was, how strong? Compared to us? Nobody wept like she had that night for someone who had not held her heart in his hands.
She looked up, reading my mind in that maddening way she now managed to, even though I was shut out of hers.
"Edward, I think I was so upset when Riley left because I knew I had let him down. I couldn't be what he wanted me to be. I didn't want to try and change myself to want what he wanted, because he just wasn't special enough. Can you understand that? If he and I had stayed together, I wanted it to be on my terms. I wanted him to settle for the life I wanted, even though he wanted something more. That wasn't an option. He just wasn't worth adapting myself to his world. I know now it's because he had never been my One, and I simply did not love him enough. Nowhere near enough. I never put his wants and needs ahead of my own. Life with Riley would have been sufficient and happy enough, but only if he complied with my wishes. Do you understand?"
"I think so," I replied. She was willing to let go of her earlier hopes and dreams of how her life would be, childless and career driven, but only for me. Nobody else. Not even Riley.
I thought back to a girlfriend I once had who had ticked most of my boxes, but like the old Bella, she had not wanted kids. The moment she told me that, my interest in her had waned and vanished like the mist and I'd lost little time breaking up with her. I'd been happy enough being with her until then, but when she revealed she wanted different things to what I did, suddenly she was not worth the effort. I made no attempt to talk her around and try and convince her what I wanted would be great; amazing, because I simply didn't care about her enough.
If she'd complied, and changed her mind and agreed to want what I wanted; who knows? I may have married her. If she had offered me the lifestyle I wanted, the fact she was not the great love of my life may have seemed less important than letting her go to keep looking for my ideal partner.
Like when you were a child, and you settled for a breakfast cereal that wasn't your favourite because it had some shiny new toy inside that you coveted. While the toy came with it, it was acceptable but once the collection was finished there was no way you would still choose to eat that brand.
I did get what Bella was saying. Riley was enough, but only on her terms. Once he changed his mind and wanted a different life, what she felt for him was suddenly insufficient.
I'd been willing to change, and compromise to keep Bella; I'd been willing to give up on having kids because keeping her was more important.
Now she had got with the programme and done the same for me.
That was truly epic, and a clear sign we were meant to be.
I almost changed my mind and asked her to stay, and not go looking for the man who was just someone from her past, now. I even feared I was playing with fire.
It would be all fine and dandy if it happened how I hoped, and she took one look at him, and knew he was never right for her. And maybe as a bonus she would ask herself what she was even thinking back then, because Riley was so much less to her even at the height of their passion than I was now. That would be awesome, I smirked to myself.
Bella laughed and I flushed.
"Hey, Baby, there's only one perfect match for each of us and I know this trip will prove it for you, once and for all."
"I'm not the one who needs proof, Edward," she sighed, laying her head against me, holding my hand in her own smaller, warmer hands. "I'm doing this for you, not for me. I don't need to see Riley to know you are my one and only. You are my Edward."
xxxx
The night before she left was bittersweet. I'd locked the memory away in my head, but it was there ready to be recalled and relived in my dreams while Bella was absent. Despite the cast, she had found ways to make sure it had been the best night of our lives so far. And we had both promised in the future, we would have nights that eclipsed this one and made it pale by comparison.
My life was now on hold, until she came home to me, and our new life together could begin.
I'd been released into my father's care, and he had taken time off to come here to the city to look after me and take me in for x-rays and whatever. Esme would be the more hands on person, nursing me, but having a doctor for a parent meant I could at least leave the hospital.
We would all be staying in my apartment, now fully refurbished. Actually the the decor was quite nice, to my surprise. Still not what I would choose, but I could see it would appeal to a wide range of other home owners. It was kind of neutral and a little bland but you could see it would be easy to put your mark on the place and make it your own with just a few accessories that were to your own taste.
"This is nice," I told my Mom as she pushed me through the rooms.
" I know it's not to your specific taste, Edward. Of course, it's all about appealing to as many types of buyer as possible. A few bright cushions and a rainbow striped rug and the sitting room would be perfect for a young modern couple. Some autumn toned flowery prints instead and it would be ideal for middle aged partners. I can't see it so much as a family home, despite all the room. "
"It's definitely more a place to entertain than to raise kids," I agreed. "But then, that was why I bought it in the first place. I had no idea I would meet Bella and fall in love with her, and our future together would make this place obsolete. You do love her apartment, though, right?"
"It's amazing. A work of architectural brilliance," she replied, but I could see she was hoping we wouldn't love it so much we would live there forever. "It's the perfect home for a young couple," she agreed, still managing to convey it was not where she wanted her future grandchildren raised.
"Edward, your father has purchased some other properties in Forks. Just really beautiful acreages, with old houses that either need replacing or renovating. There's one that I think you and Bella would love. It even has it's own stream, and the stone cottage is really structurally sound. Of the three properties, it's the prettiest. I have photos."
I smiled to myself and wondered if Bella would ever want to return to Forks, before retirement age. The place held mixed memories for her, and she quite liked the city. I let my Mom stop my chair in front of the computer desk and looked at the images she'd stored on her USB. She was right. One property really stood out ahead of the other two.
Bella would love it.
"We have gotten quotes to restore the house and the builders your father decided to go with are working there as we speak. It's to be your birthday present. Turning thirty is a big deal. Time to think about your future."
"I already turned thirty," I reminded her.
"Well, the gifts we gave you then were just trinkets. This is the real gift."
"But what about Emmett and Jasper? Surely all three of us are thinking this one is the best. How do we decide who gets it?"
"We took Alice to visit each one and as much as she loved this place, she admitted it had Bella's name all over it, so she and Jas decided to choose the land beside our property that has a cottage far too broken to fix. They are building something quite modern. A lot of glass and wood.
Your land is down behind our back property line."
"And what about Emmett? He didn't want to claim it for himself?" I questioned.
"This one here is the one Emmett chose," Mom said with a sigh. The land was densely treed and featured a lot of rocky outcrops and a fast moving river almost, cutting it down the middle. It didn't seem all that practical as a place to build a family home.
"He says he wants to keep it exactly as it is and use it for his paintball wars," she replied, shaking her head. "He's already built a couple of bunkers or whatever they are called. Naturally his friends all think it's amazing. They get out there in their war paint and ambush one another for days on end, living in caves and camouflage tents like real soldiers. I wonder sometimes if he will ever grow up."
"You know that the day he meets the right woman, he will change," I grinned. It happened to us all. Well, mostly.
Jasper walked in with Tom on his hip and looked over my shoulder.
"Did you show him our place?" he asked. "The house Alice designed is awesome, bro. She did it in secret, and unveiled the plans at dinner one night, and we all loved it. Weirdly it's exactly the type of house I have always wanted. Is that girl perfect, or what? I can't wait to move in and once we do, we are planning to get to work on a brother or sister for Tommy boy."
"Is there going to be a wedding before this conception?" I enquired.
"Well, not being a committed couple conceiving a baby within a marriage didn't occur to them last time," Mom said, a little sharply. Mom liked all her 'i's dotted and her 't's crossed.
Jasper shook his head and laughed.
"Honestly Edward, neither she or Dad will even consider the possibility that we are telling the truth. Why would I lie, Mom? Tom is every bit my son now, but I was not there when he was conceived. I wish I was. I hope his biological father never shows his face because I would be sorely tempted to treat him with the contempt he deserves. A few broken teeth might make him realize you do not treat women the way he treated my Alice."
Mom looked perplexed and I knew she wished Jas was the father, even if she didn't quite approve of the fact that would mean he had deserted Alice, as James had done.
"It's all in the past. I just hope this supposed biological father never wants his son back," she stated.
I could see this had not occurred to my brother.
"I need to find a way to adopt Tom, clearly. I hadn't thought about that. Or maybe Dad could do a paternity test and fudge the results for me," he mused out loud.
"Edward," Alice called as she entered the study. "Bella's on the phone for you."
I wheeled myself away into my new lower floor bedroom that used to be a games room, and shut the door behind me as I listened to the happy sound of my girl's voice.
"So, did you find him? Are you coming home tonight?" I said optimistically.
Marcus had put a six week limit on Bella finding her ex and making contact. If it happened earlier, great. She could come straight back. And instead of rescuing Riley from his Fate, she could rescue me from my family.
"Nope. And Rose really has gone, as well. I went to her apartment and someone new lives there, and has for some weeks. That's strange, because you know all undercovers are supposed to only move from their residences with approval."
"Does the new owner have any idea where she went?" I asked.
"Nope. It's worrying me more where Rose is than where Riley is. She always obeys the rules. The landlord said she went out one night and never came home. She left everything she owned in the apartment. It's all in his mouldy basement stuffed into boxes. He says I can take it if I pay the outstanding rent owed."
"That's weird. You wouldn't think Rose would flaunt the rules and let the rent payments stop, even if she has shacked up with someone," I replied. She was hardly new to the game.
It was one of the many rules. You always paid your bills so nobody ever looked too deeply into your background in an effort to find somebody willing to pay your debts.
"So, you have no clue to where either of them are?" I enquired. Dammit, this meant she may not be home for some time, and that was just unfair. Wasn't it bad enough that I was stuck in this chair and had nobody here to comfort me? Not in the way I wanted to be comforted.
My breathing hitched as I let the memory of our last night together surface.
"Edward, are you picturing me sitting on top of you, riding you hard?" she giggled.
"Stop it, you tease. I was quite disappointed when they put my leg in that traction. I stupidly thought it meant we would have to be celibate until I got free from it. Silly me. I should have known Bella Swan can get past any obstacle."
"Well we both know abstinence is just not our thing," she murmured. "We tried it, remember,and it didn't work out so well."
"I beg to differ, I think it turned out very well indeed," I replied.
"Oh, so you liked it when I.."
"Bella, I'm living in my apartment with two perfectly matched couples who will no doubt forget that I'm here, all alone, at night. And Emmett will be taking girls back to your old apartment and chaining them to the wall or whatever...it's hard enough being the odd one out. I just hope he doesn't feel the necessity to share the details of what he gets up to there, with me."
"Maybe he's just taking them back for tea and cakes," Bella suggested with a smirk in her voice.
"Sure," I answered darkly. "When are you coming home? I miss you."
"It's been three days and don't forget, you sent me here. I was more than willing to get a job in the local library and come home in my naughty librarian outfit and teach you all about the Dewey decimal system."
"How can that sound so sexy?" I moaned. "It's filing books."
"Yes, but some of those dark corners in the library are quite private and if I were reaching up high to slip a book onto a very tall shelf and you were pressed up close behind me...things could just slip into places where they belong. "
"Belllla," I moaned, tearing at my hair with my free hand.
"Or what if the book had to go on a very low shelf, and I had to bend all the way over and I'd forgotten to wear panties that day..."
"You are so bad, " I whimpered. My hand had disappeared into my new loose and comfortable sweat pants that Esme had insisted were what people in wheelchairs should be wearing and now I agreed with her. I had argued that nothing would make me give up wearing jeans, but she had arrived at the hospital with the outfit she had decided was most suitable so I'd had no choice other than to comply.
"Or what if you were in the library hiding because a mugger had stolen all your clothing, and it was so cold outside that a certain part of you was frozen hard and I had to warm it with my mouth..."
I yelped out her name and stilled my hand, breathing loudly.
"Why, Mr Cullen, I do believe you must be missing me pretty badly if you managed to pleasure yourself that quickly. Now go clean up before.."
Too late. Dammit, the doors all had locks, why hadn't I used it? Mom crept inside, as if by walking softly she wouldn't interrupt.
"Edward, lunch is on the table. Say hi to Bella for me," my Mom chirped brightly. Then she frowned at my appearance and stepped forward, putting a hand on my forehead. She took the phone from me without a word.
"Bella, Edward has to go. He's very hot and flushed. I hope he's not getting a fever. Luckily I made chicken soup for this meal. Goodbye, Dear. Be safe."
xxxx
The days passed slowly, tortuously, and I crossed them off the calendar every night. Bella rang daily, which kept me sane. Barely.
Mom fussed around by day and treated me like a ten year old, and I tended to spend hours in my room whenever she allowed me to, just looking at old photos of Bella and I, and thinking about nights we had shared ever since that first night in the tent when I got to unfreeze my hands on her warm, delicious body.
I remember being surprised at how truly perfect she was under her clothing, and how well we fitted together, despite our height difference and how nowadays nothing was uncomfortable any more for her, or out of bounds for us.
We were perfect. She made me perfect.
I dived on the phone every time it rang, and always, always locked the door.
Marcus kept in touch and sometimes came to visit, but I think he was sick of my nagging. But really, if Bella hadn't found any sign of either Riley or Rose in the past five weeks, what was the point of her still searching? Nothing was going to change. Rose wasn't going to waltz back to her apartment now. Bella needed to come on home to me.
"Edward, are you ready to go?" Dad asked, knocking on my door. At least he had the courtesy, or was it simply foresight not to barge right in like Esme did. I put down the file I had been studying. Marcus had left it here and inside were lists and outlines of various departments Bella and I could transfer to, if that was what she still wanted when she got back.
Her resignation would disappear under a pile of reports if Marcus could persuade her to stay in the department and just transfer to a safer squad.
"Wire fraud sounds kind of interesting," I commented to Carlisle as he drove me to the nearby clinic for my latest x-ray. "And safe. It's all done from a desk, and uniform do the actual arrests."
"Whatever you two want to do. You know your mother would prefer you moved back home. Your house is almost ready, you know."
"But there's not a lot of employment opportunities in Forks," I complained.
"You could rethink your career and go back and finish your medical training," he suggested. Medicine had been my first choice but then knowing everyone in the family had assumed I would follow blindly in my father's footsteps had made me rebel and choose a change in career.
"I guess that could work," I conceded sheepishly. So, he had been right. Being a doctor in a sleepy town like Forks was possibly one of the safest jobs on the planet.
"And there's always the library. Bella's very fond of books, isn't she?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye and I suddenly realized, if I could overhear them at night as they carried out their marital shenanigans, then they could also hear me as I settled for my lonely phone sex.
"Some of those bookshelves can be rather high," he laughed. I stared out of my side window and felt my face redden.
"I really need Bella to come home," I sighed.
"Yes Edward, we all do," he smirked.
xxxx
The good news was apparently my bones have super healing powers and the cast was no longer necessary. Dad carefully cut it away and I cringed at the damp looking hair on my newly exposed leg, that clung to my paler skin. Now my other leg looked positively tanned by comparison. Bella would be thrilled that I'd been freed from my prison.
"You still need to use the crutches for a week or so to get used to that leg taking weight again," he warned.
I nodded. Anything was better than being wheeled around by my mother, or my over enthusiastic brother. Emmett thought the obvious..if one's brother was restricted to a wheelchair, then he was pretty much helpless and you could carry out wheelies or whatever chair tricks appealed to you. One day I swear I will break one of his legs just to have my revenge. I'd almost been run over twice, when he decided to play chicken in the traffic.
That night I left the table as soon as the meal was over and headed for bed, eager for my nightly phone conversation with Bella.
At first I figured she was just late, or I was just over conscious of the time, and she would ring. Maybe she had eaten out at a restaurant like I urged her to, instead of grabbing something fast and lacking in nutrition on the way back to her room.
Ten o'clock is not that late.
I watched a couple of tv shows that failed to hold my attention, and ate the supper Alice brought in on a tray, and even checked out my options on the internet, should I decided to go back to medicine.
It seemed I could do a lot of my training based in the hospital, and the formal studying part could be done online, seeing I'd already passed the first three years of the program.
That was encouraging.
I was leery of undertaking anything that took me away from Bella. This separation was way too hard and was nothing I'd care to repeat.
Midnight.
Maybe she lost her phone.
Maybe she drank a little too much wine with dinner and fell asleep.
Maybe she …...
I went to bed, my cell on my pillow, my eyes glued to the photo she had taken of us just before she left. I'd printed it out and Mom had framed it so I had something to hold onto.
Finally, I dozed.
I awoke abruptly sometime before dawn.
It was just a dream.
A nightmare.
The words echoed over and over in my head.
Maybe...
Maybe she had found Riley.
Thank you for reviews, always appreciate knowing there are people out there reading this. Carter was 5 weeks early and he had to have a little operation because of Pyloric Stenosis so updates depend on him. He's home, and seems fine, so here's hoping the drama is over now. Thanks for reading.