Matt was woken by Abby beginning to stir beneath him. He sat up in an instant, preparing himself to deal with her fear and pain as she recalled what happened. The effects of the drugs she'd been given would be wearing off and he would likely have to call a nurse to help relieve her pain.

"Matt?" Her voice was barely audible as her eyes searched the room, trying to make sense of what she was seeing around her.

"I'm here," he said, grasping her hand with one hand and reaching to cup her cheek with the other. "It's okay, you're in hospital and they're taking good care of you. Do you remember what happened?"

She closed her eyes for a moment and then the realisation hit her and she tried to sit up. "The baby!" She clutched at her stomach and then grasped at Matt's shirt. "It hurt so much! I couldn't stand up and then there was blood everywhere! Is the baby..."

"She's fine," Matt wrapped his arms around her, pushing his own fears and concerns to the back of his mind so that he could be strong for Abby. "They delivered her safely, she's being treated for jaundice but she's here. They've got her in the neo-natal unit just down the corridor from here."

"I want to see her!"

He stroked her hair and kissed her lips. "As soon as the doctor says you're well enough..."

"I don't care, Matt! I need to see my baby, I want to hold her and..."

Abby let out an anguished cry and tried to get out of the bed. A searing pain shot through her body, making her double up and Matt threw his arms around her, turning her to get back onto the bed. "Let me get a nurse. They'll get you something for the pain and then we'll ask about going to see our daughter. I promise."

He stood back as two nurses made Abby as comfortable as possible, giving her some morphine for the immediate pain and trying to reassure her that she would be able to go and see the baby once the doctor had seen her. Matt felt so helpless. He couldn't stand seeing her in so much pain and his fears that he was going to lose her shot back into the forefront of his mind, making his heart race and bile rise in his throat.

Abby's distress increased; she didn't care about her own health she just wanted to see her baby and was practically pushing the nurses away. Eventually, Matt intervened, moving to her side and taking her hand tightly. "Abby, didn't I promise you that I'd take you to see her? But you're not going to be any good to her if you don't let these nurses help you first."

Abby resigned herself to having to do as she was told. The pain was slowly easing, thanks to whatever it was the nurses were giving her, but she would fight against falling asleep again. She was determined to be awake when the doctor came.

"How long will the doctor be?" Matt asked. "Abby's anxious to see the baby and I don't think she's going to rest properly until she has."

"Doctor Kilner is due in about half an hour. Your wife is first on his list, Mr Anderson. The staff in the neo-natal unit are also anxious for her to come and see the baby and begin to bond with her and he knows how important it is for everyone."

"Thank you," Matt nodded, squeezing Abby's hand. She seemed to relax a little, half an hour was not that long a wait.

"And in the mean time, perhaps Mrs Anderson would like some help bathing?" The older of the two nurses turned to Abby. "A bath or shower is out of the question with all the stitches and equipment, but we can at least make you feel a little cleaner before the doctor examines you?"

Abby nodded and the nurses disappeared to go and get what they needed. Matt tangled his fingers into Abby's and gently kissed her forehead. "You gave me one hell of a fright you know," he said softly.

"Sorry."

"I thought I was going to lose both of you."

Abby released her hand from his grip and reached up to touch his cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment, then placed his own hand over hers and held it against his face.

"Have you seen her? What's she like?"

"Beautiful, just like her mother. I'm in love with her already, and you'll fall for her the moment you see her too."

The nurses came back and began getting ready to help Abby get cleaned up. "You're welcome to stay, Mr Anderson, but maybe you'd like to go and get yourself freshened up too and get some coffee?"

Abby gave Matt a nod to let him know she would be okay, so he made his way out into the corridor. He wasn't entirely sure which way to go and where he needed to be the most. The baby would surely be needing her first feed of the day by now, but it had been a long and confusing night and a cup of coffee would be very much welcomed. Last night he'd been so adamant that strangers shouldn't be feeding her, but he realised that he should also accept the help of the nursing staff whilst it was available.

As he stood trying to make a decision, the nurse that had brought the blankets for him came past. She was fastening her coat up and obviously going home after her shift.

"Good morning, Matthew," she greeted with a smile. "How's your wife?"

"She woke up, so I feel a little more positive than I did last night. She's in a lot of pain and anxious to see the baby, but..."

"Well that's something at least. Didn't I tell you that you'd be walking out of here as a family before too long?" She touched his shoulder and turned to leave, but stopped. "You look like you need coffee and a shower. Did they show you the parent's room by the baby unit?"

Matt tried to think. Yesterday was pretty much a blur and he'd been too concerned about Abby and the baby to take in anything else. The nurse took his silence to mean that he hadn't been shown it so she told him to follow her. He felt guilty, this nurse had already done a long night shift and had helped him out more than she was supposed to, and now she was helping him again in her own time.

"A lot of the parents practically live here, if not both of them then one or the other. There's a bathroom and a kitchen with some basics. Better than the coffee out of the vending machine in foyer."

She was right about it being basic, but the thought of a shower and a decent coffee was good. He remembered that Becker was going to be visiting at some point and he was going to be bringing some things for Abby and the baby. He half wished he'd not dismissed Becker's offer to bring something for him too so easily since he didn't even have a towel, let alone soap.

As if reading his mind, the nurse had gone into the bathroom and he could hear her rummaging through the cupboard beneath the sink. "I've no idea how long this shower gel's been in here," she called, "but it's better than nothing. There's a couple of towels left out on the radiator too."

Matt opened his mouth to say thank you, but she raised her hand to silence him and smiled. "It's my job. Now, I need to get some sleep... but I'm back on shift this evening. I'll look in on you and Abby and make sure you have everything you need."

She was gone before he had chance to respond, so he locked the bathroom door and undressed. The shower felt amazing and as the hot water flowed over his aching body, it seemed that his cares were also being washed away, even if it was only just for a few moments. He shut his eyes, savouring this time alone to try and make sense of what was happening. This time yesterday, he and Abby were on their way to the ARC as usual, blissfully unaware of the drama that would unfold only hours later. Abby had plans. It was time to place the large supplies order for the Menagerie and she needed to make sure it was all properly logged so that whoever took over whilst she was on maternity leave would know exactly what needed to be ordered in and how much. Until now, most of it was in her head. That was what she was doing when the anomaly detector sounded the alarm. She'd stuck her head out of the office door and kissed Matt's cheek as he passed and everything had seemed perfectly fine.

He tried to think of anything he'd missed. She hadn't mentioned not feeling well, just her usual stiff back that she'd been having trouble with for the last few weeks. She was at that stage in her pregnancy where everyone commented how well she looked and said that she was "blooming" - and she was. Matt thought she looked incredibly beautiful with her perfectly rounded baby bump. What on earth had happened to change all of that so suddenly?

By the time he got back to Abby's room, the doctor was already carrying out an examination on her. Matt sat by her side and waited for the doctor to speak. He vaguely recognised him as the doctor that had spoken to him yesterday when he first arrived, but that was all he remembered about that meeting.

"Mr Anderson, I was just beginning to explain to your wife why it was necessary for us to perform an emergency caesarean even though she presented at only 34 weeks."

Matt nodded. The baby had been in distress when Abby was brought in, if they hadn't delivered her there and then, they'd have lost her. That part Matt understood and he could see Abby nodding in agreement too. Then the doctor started to explain to Abby what had happened to her and Matt felt guilty that he didn't have much of a clue about some of the terminology being used, though he knew Abby would.

From the moment Abby realised she was pregnant, she had gone to great lengths to find out as much as possible. This included everything that could go wrong too. Matt had deliberately veered away from a lot of that stuff, particularly on the internet, not wanting to be the kind of partner that jumped at the slightest twinge Abby would get. She would not appreciate being wrapped up in cotton wool for nine months, or having him fuss over her un-necessarily. Of course, he knew enough about the various stages of development, what they should see at each scan and that he needed to make sure Abby rested. He'd become an expert in massaging swollen ankles, and Abby had said his back rubs were "divine".

"Was it something I did wrong?" Abby's voice broke Matt's thoughts. "Did I miss a symptom that I should have gone to the doctor with?"

"Of course not, Mrs Anderson," the doctor said. "I have your notes from your 20 week scan and your last couple of visits to your midwife. Everything was fine as far as I can see, nothing was flagged as being of concern. In fact, your whole pregnancy progressed extremely well. You seem to have taken very good of yourself."

"Then how can something like this happen?" Matt asked. "If Abby was in perfect health, then is it the baby? Something she inherited from me perhaps?" His fears that the toxins he'd breathed in over the years before he came through the anomaly had damaged the genetic code he would have passed on came back to the forefront of his mind. He could hear Becker dismissing that as ridiculous, and Abby was now giving him a similar look. He'd never actually voiced those concerns to her, not wanting to worry her, but now he wished he had so that she'd been more prepared.

"We still have a lot to learn about premature births," the doctor said. "so it's not always possible to explain why it happens. Abby may have an infection, and I'll have some blood and urine samples taken for analysis, but it's often more complicated than one single reason. Our priority now is getting Mrs Anderson back on her feet, and taking care of your daughter over the coming days and weeks."

"When can I see her?"

"Ideally, you should be on complete bed rest for a couple of days because of your stitches and the amount of blood you lost."

Abby's face fell and she looked pleadingly at Matt, squeezing his hand. "Doc, you don't know my wife. Nothing is going to stop her from..."

"I understand, Mr Anderson. And it's important for the baby to begin to bond with her mother too. I will allow short visits to the baby unit, Mrs Anderson, but you must ask for a nurse or your husband to take you down in a wheelchair."

Abby nodded enthusiastically, and her smile lit up the room. The doctor left, saying he'd come and see her again tomorrow and hoped to have the results of the blood and urine tests he was ordering by then. One of the nurses that had helped Abby earlier came back in and performed the tests as quickly as possible, then showed Matt how to help her into the wheelchair properly. Finally, they were ready.

As they made their way down the corridor, Matt tried to prepare Abby for what she was going to see. Like him, he knew Abby had imagined the moment that she would see her baby for the first time and this experience would be so far removed from that it would be almost alien. He'd been grateful to have Becker with him when he first saw the cot with the lamp over the tiny baby. He wasn't sure that he'd have coped on his own.

He wheeled Abby as close to the cot as possible, then took a step back to give her a moment to herself. He tried to read her expression but grew concerned that the only expression she had was one he knew too well. It was the one she put on when she was afraid but didn't want to show it. He took her hand and kissed it, then moved closer to the cot.

"Most of this stuff you see is just monitoring her," he explained. "The lamp acts like sunlight, they were pretty common in my time." He stopped. Abby's face was still fixed in that "I'm brave" look. After being so adamant she wanted to see their daughter, this wasn't quite what he expected. "She needs to stay under most of the time for a while, but they take her out for about half an hour at a time and that's when we can feed her, give her cuddles and..."

The baby seemed aware of their presence and stirred, making a tiny whimper. Matt couldn't help smiling, he felt so much love for her.

Abby took a visible deep breath and the brave façade dropped. Matt had only ever seen Abby look this afraid once before, and that was at Connor's funeral when it finally hit her that he'd gone and she was alone. She tentatively reached into the cot and brushed her fingertips on the baby's cheek then suddenly she pulled her arms out and turned away. She almost choked on her tears as she begged Matt to take her back to her room.

"I can't do this!" she sobbed. "I should've listened to the doctor and stayed in bed."

"Abby?"

"Please, Matt. I'm not ready. Take me back."

"If you're sure..." Confused, Matt turned the wheelchair round and wheeled her out of the room He caught the eye of the nurse as they came out and she gave him a sympathetic smile. He would come and speak to her later and seek her advice about this weird situation.

He helped Abby get back into bed; neither had spoken since they'd left the baby unit and now Abby was putting up as many barriers as possible. She rolled onto her side, facing away from Matt. After a few long awkward moments, he sat on the edge of the bed and stroked her shoulder, hoping she'd turn to face him. She didn't move.

"Do you want to talk?" he finally said.

Abby shook her head. "I'm tired. I just want to sleep. Maybe you should go home for a few hours? Did you call Jack yet? He should at least know he's an uncle."

Matt tutted and rolled his eyes. His opinion of Jack was very low, especially as he didn't turn up to their wedding without even giving Abby a decent excuse. When Abby had told him she was pregnant, Jack didn't even bring himself to say 'congratulations' and quickly changed the conversation into one about a potential job interview he was going to but needed some money to pay for the train fare to get there. Matt hated the way Jack was only interested in Abby when he needed something, but she refused to cut him out of her life because he was the only family she had.

"Is his number in your phone?" Abby just nodded. "Okay, I'll just head back to the baby unit and let them know where I am. Then I'll let you get some rest." He kissed her and then left, his head spinning.

He leaned against the wall of the corridor for support, closing his eyes and wishing that this nightmare would come to an end when he opened them again. It didn't. He was still here in the hospital, his baby daughter poorly and his wife pushing both him and the baby away, shutting herself back into the isolating cocoon she'd lived in after Connor died. That was how Abby coped with a bad situation that she had no control over.

He stared down the corridor towards the baby unit, knowing he should go there and speak to the nurse. He had so many questions but was afraid of the answers. He knew that the mothering instinct wasn't necessarily automatic, but he'd not expected Abby to completely walk away from the baby having only barely touched her for a moment. Was that normal?

"Matt? Is everything okay?"

The familiar voice of Captain Becker was almost a relief. He'd forgotten that Becker had said he would stop by and now he was the most welcome sight in the world. Someone removed emotionally from the situation and would maybe talk some sense into him.

"Yes and no," he turned to his friend, grateful to see that he had brought the bag of essentials that Abby had pre-packed and left in the nursery. "Mostly yes, but there's a few things that I really don't understand right now."

"Things are bound to be a bit difficult for a while," Becker said. He passed the bag to Matt. "I had Jess go through it to make sure everything was there. I think she added a couple of things, and I put in some stuff for you... change of clothes, a battery operated shaver, some toiletries... You look like you need some fresh air. Have you eaten today?"

Matt was about to snap at Becker – what was this obsession he had with whether he had eaten or not? But he stopped himself. Becker had been right to make him have a burger yesterday, so he was probably right now, and getting some fresh air did sound like a good idea. It might help clear his head so he could deal with things better.

"Can we go somewhere? I need to get away for a little while."

"I was just on my way to the ARC, did you want to go there?"

Matt shook his head. He wasn't ready to face other people yet and answer their questions. "I just want you to drive somewhere. Somewhere quiet where I can get a decent coffee."

"I know just the place."

Fifteen minutes later, Becker was parking up at a small woodland area by a children's play area. It was almost deserted as it was a school day and the only other visitor was a man walking his dog. Matt made his way over to the picnic area whilst Becker went to the small kiosk to get coffee. He watched Becker stride over with a tray, two coffees and what looked to be two bacon sandwiches. He felt guilty, this was the second day in a row that the soldier had bought him food and he'd never even offered to pay. As Becker sat down, Matt reached into his pocket to look for his wallet. Apart from his ID, a credit card and a photo of Abby, it was empty. He'd used the last of his change paying for parking a few days ago and had intended to get some cash when he and Abby went shopping. He looked apologetically at Becker, who dismissed it with a wave of his hand.

"You can buy me a couple of beers when all of this is over," he said.

The two sat in silence as they ate and drank, the fresh air doing little to clear Matt's head. He watched the man with the dog for a few moments, avoiding Becker's gaze.

Becker cleared his throat. "So, are you going to tell me how Abby and the baby are, or do I have to guess?"

Matt sighed. He wanted to tell his friend everything but he couldn't. Somehow it felt like he'd failed as a husband and father in not understanding what was happening, and if he shared that with Becker it would be admitting a weakness. "The baby's okay. No real change from yesterday, so I suppose that's a positive. Abby woke up this morning, and apart from needing complete bed rest for a while it looks like she's going to be fine."

Becker raised a questioning eyebrow and Matt felt his stomach lurch as if he was about to be sick. Becker knew he wasn't being completely honest, but knew Matt too well to push him for more information. "If there's anything that any of us can do... Lester mentioned the possibility of getting the baby into private care."

"I don't think moving her would be a good idea," Matt said. "Besides, they know what they're doing in that unit. I'm certain she's being well looked after."

Becker's mobile rang and he took it out of his pocket frowning. "I should take this, sorry. It's Lester."

Matt nodded, and turned his attention back to the man and the dog whilst Becker took his phonecall, drinking the last of his coffee. A young woman arrived with a toddler in a pushchair and he smiled as he watched her lift the child out and into the seat of one of the swings. By the time Becker had finished his call, the child was giggling and screaming loudly as her mum pushed her higher on the swing. That was how it should be, a mother and child spending time together in the simplest way. It was a part of his own childhood that had never existed. His father had tried but their situation made it almost impossible. He wanted his own child to experience a proper childhood with a mother and father to play with her. From Abby's reaction this morning, he was beginning to question whether that would ever happen.

"Matt?"

He hadn't realised Becker was talking to him and apologised. "I'm needed at the ARC," Becker continued. "What do you want to do? I'm happy to drive you back to the hospital or take you home?"

"I think I'll stay here for a while longer. I'll walk into town and get a taxi back to the hospital later."

"Are you sure everything's alright? Yesterday I had to practically drag you away just to get some food, but today it's like you don't want to be there."

"I'm just a bit overwhelmed by it all," Matt said. "Some time alone with my thoughts might help."

Becker nodded and stood up to head back to his car, but hesitated. "I can always call Lester back and see if the guys can deal with this on their own."

"Becker... With myself and Abby out of action, you're the only senior team member around. They need you. Please... it would be a massive weight off my mind if I knew someone reliable was taking charge."

Becker placed his hand on Matt's shoulder and told him to call him if there was anything he could do. Matt watched Becker drive away, staring down the road for several minutes after the car had disappeared from sight. Finally alone, he reached into his pocket and took out Abby's phone. He'd been given it in a small plastic bag along with Abby's ID card and her car keys that had been in her pockets when she was brought in, and he'd just shoved them into his own pockets.

Switching it on, he scrolled through her list of names to find Jack so that he could keep his promise to let him know the baby had arrived. It was relief when the number went straight to voicemail. At least he didn't have to actually speak to him. It was a quick message, just telling Jack the basics and if he needed to know more to call Matt's phone directly. He then switched it off again and pushed it back in his pocket.

He sighed and watched the woman with the child, who was now scrambling up the steps of the small slide. Guilt suddenly hit him. Whilst he was watching this little girl, his own daughter was alone in the hospital, being taken care of by strangers. Yes, those strangers were nurses who were very competent at their job and the baby would be looked after well, but it was no substitute for her own flesh and blood. He was regretting sending Becker away so quickly now, and wondered how long it would take him to walk into the town. It couldn't be helped, so he rose to his feet and began to stride purposefully across the car park towards the road. The sooner he was back at the hospital the better.