The day had run away from him and it was evening. After returning, he had spent the entire time in the baby unit sitting beside his daughter's cot. Every now and then she stirred and he would reach in and touch her, whisper to her and gently kiss her tiny head. He fed her a couple of times and now felt completely at ease with it, and he'd even changed her nappy as well with a little help from the nurse. It surprised him just how quickly he was adapting to his new role but his joy was marred by his thought that it should be Abby showing him what to do and them both learning together. He'd looked in on Abby a few times whilst the nurses attended to the baby, but she'd been asleep each time – or was at least pretending to sleep. He'd watched her sleep many times and he knew exactly how she looked. She was shutting everyone out, including him, and the thought made his heart ache. He had hoped Abby had gone past that by now since she knew how doing the exact same thing after Connor died had almost killed her too.

He'd been able to help her before. He'd experienced death, so was able to empathise with her and guide her through the darkness back towards the light. The difference this time was that he didn't have a clue where to start with her. As he watched one of the nurses, he wondered if he should ask her if Abby's reaction was normal, but she seemed so busy and he didn't want to disturb her.

The lights of the ward were being dimmed ready for the night shift. Only the corridors and the nurses station were well lit, so Matt moved out into the corridor and sat down, debating whether to go to the parent's room to try and catch a little sleep on the sofa he'd seen there, or whether he should go to Abby and spend the night with her. How long did he let her push him away?

"Matthew? I thought you'd be with your wife. I saw on the board that she was on bed rest but otherwise fine."

Matt looked up and caught the confused gaze of the Irish nurse that had been so kind to him last night and early this morning.

"It's been a confusing day," he said.

"I'll bet," she said, sitting next to him. "Sometimes the doctors forget to actually speak in normal language when they start explaining things."

"It's not that." He looked down at his feet for a moment and then back up at the nurse's kindly face. He couldn't say why, but he felt completely at ease around her and the hesitation he'd felt around the other nurses disappeared with her. "It's Abby's reaction to the baby that I don't understand."

"She freaked out?"

He nodded. "It's just not Abby at all, and she was so happy about being a mother and looking forward to having her own family."

"You have to remember that she's been through a massive trauma. Until yesterday, she was still connected to that baby in the way only a mother can experience. She would have felt her moving inside her, mother and baby getting to know each other and Abby's body preparing for that moment when the child would arrive amongst a rush of hormones and intense love. Abby's been denied that and she's struggling. She's scared because things haven't started in the way they're supposed to, and she thinks it's her fault perhaps..."

Matt closed his eyes, remembering that Abby had asked the doctor if she'd missed a symptom that she could've done something about. He'd been so wrapped up in blaming himself that he'd barely given her comment a thought. It was all beginning to make sense now. Now he felt terrible for not making more of an effort to get through to her today. Whatever hurt and confusion he was feeling, it must be ten times worse for her and he'd not even realised.

"What do I do about it?"

"Be there for her. You love each other and right now she needs to know that none of this is anyone's fault, and that you don't blame her either." The nurse took Matt's hand. "You should be with her now, even if she's blanking you, your presence will be welcomed in the long run."

"And the baby? What if Abby doesn't bond with her?"

"She will, but give it a little time. Abby has to deal with her own demons first, and she will with your help. She already has a bond with the baby, that connection between a mother and her child is a strong one. It can reach out across long distances."

"Even if that distance is in time as well as miles?" Matt didn't know why he'd said that, but it seemed to fall from his mouth so naturally. He'd asked the same question over ten years ago when he and his father had been preparing to leave their own time to come to the 21st Century. In a rare moment of self doubt, Matt had said that he couldn't leave the one connection he had to his mother and had spent the night sitting beside the marker that they'd placed to show the spot where she'd been buried when he was only a small child. His father had told him that the connection to his mother would always be there in his heart, and it was such a strong connection it would stretch across huge distances.

If the nurse was a little confused by his comment, she didn't show it. She was standing up and urging Matt to do the same. "Go and be with Abby," she said softly. "She's on my rota again tonight, so I'll look in on you both a little later. If there's anything you need, just come and find me."

"I will...and thank you.. Nurse...?" He realised that whilst she was on first name terms with him and Abby, he didn't even know her as anything other than nurse. She was already off down the corridor and hadn't heard his question though, so he turned and made his way to Abby's room.

He paused at the door and took a deep breath. He couldn't believe that he'd been so self absorbed to not understand why Abby was struggling with events. No wonder she had shut him out, it was what he deserved. The room was in darkness although there was still a little light filtering from the corridor underneath the door after he'd closed it. Settling himself on the edge of the bed, he allowed his eyes to adjust to the light and listened to the steady rhythm of Abby's breathing. He was certain that she wasn't asleep and would surely know he was there, so he reached out and gently moved a piece of hair that had fallen over her face and tucked it behind her ear.

"Abby?"

She didn't respond, but her breathing changed and he knew that she had stopped pretending to be asleep. That was something at least. He shifted himself so that he was half laid, half sat on the bed and wrapped his arm around Abby's body, pressing himself against her back and softly kissing her neck just below her ear. He half expected her to shrug him away, but she didn't so he kissed her again and tried to make himself comfortable, preparing to spend several hours like this if need be. As he ran his fingertips over her cheek, he felt a dampness there and realised for the first time that she was crying.

"Abby? I know this is hard, and I'm sorry that I haven't been around for you..."

"You don't have anything to be sorry about. This is my..."

"Don't you dare say this is your fault. You heard that doctor, it's just one of those things and we may never really know why it happened. What's important now is getting you back on your feet and being there for our beautiful daughter."

Abby rolled over onto her back so that she could look at Matt properly. He wiped her tears from her cheeks with his thumbs and then leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips. "When I first realised I was pregnant, I was terrified something like this would happen," she began. Matt put his finger on her lips to make her stop talking, but she pushed it away. Matt knew not to argue, realising that she needed to talk.

"I was scared too, Abby. The babies born in my time..."

"I don't mean her being born early. I mean... being a terrible mother. Look at my own mother. I was so scared that I'd be like her, then as I felt her grow inside me I vowed that I would do everything in my power to make sure I wasn't like my mother. But look at me, Matt! The first time I touch her and I can't even look her in the face!"

"You've been through a massive trauma," Matt said softly, recalling the words of the nurse earlier, the words that had made him understand a little more about what was happening to them. "You could've died if Jess hadn't found you when she did... and I might have lost both of you." Matt took a deep breath, fighting back his own tears. He had to be the strong one at the moment. "I guess it's perfectly reasonable to feel more than just a little overwhelmed by it all. She wasn't supposed to arrive for another few weeks, and neither of us were prepared for this sudden rush of emotion and adrenaline."

"So you don't think I'm a terrible mother?"

"Far from it, Abby, far from it. You'll be a fantastic mother – didn't I say that from the beginning? If I've neglected you today, it was because my own head was still trying to process it all. I'm sorry." He pulled Abby into his arms, enveloping her completely and they both clung to each other for several long minutes.

"I want to see her," Abby said finally. "I know its night time and she'll probably be sleeping, but I just need..."

"I'll go and ask if it would be okay," Matt practically leapt up and stuck his head out of the door, looking up and down the corridor for some assistance. Almost as if she'd read his mind, the Irish nurse was just coming out of another room a little further down.

"Is everything alright, Matthew?"

"Yes," he smiled. "Abby wants to see our daughter. We know she'll be sleeping but..."

"I'll get you a wheelchair."

"No, it's fine. I know where they're kept. You're busy enough without running around after me. It'll be okay for us to visit the baby unit at this time of night though?"

"They'll encourage it, given what happened before. I'll come with you though, just to make sure."

Matt found a wheelchair and took it in to Abby's room, helping her into it and prepared to make his way down to the baby unit. The nurse was waiting for them.

"Hello Abby, it's good to see you out of bed."

Abby looked at Matt and reached for his hand. "Oh, this is nurse... nurse..."

"Ashling, just call me Ashling."

"Ashling," Matt repeated and felt his heart pound just a little harder. "That was my mother's name."

"And I'm sure she'd be very proud of you right now. Come on, let's go see that wee girl of yours, eh."

Matt and Abby went slowly down to the baby unit, and Ashling disappeared inside briefly, coming out moments later. "Go in," she smiled. "She's sleeping of course, but if you're careful you'll be able to hold her if you want. I'll leave you both to it. I have a feeling everything's going to be fine now."

"Thank you," Matt said and squeezed Abbys hand, silently acknowledging that she was ready. The nurse on duty on the unit looked up as they entered and nodded. This time, as Matt wheeled Abby closer to the cot, he could see a difference in her face. The wall that she'd put up previously had been dropped and the tears welling in both their eyes were ones of joy and love.

Abby reached into the cot and stroked the baby's cheek, finally letting her tears fall. "Hello, I'm your mummy," she managed to choke out between sobs. As much as Matt longed to hold her, he took a step back. Abby needed this moment to connect. "I'm sorry about before, but I was scared. I promise I won't leave you again."

The baby stirred and gave a little whimper. Matt placed his hands on Abby's shoulders and leaned over to look in the cot. "Look, she's awake. She knows her mummy's here."

"Nurse... can we hold her? Just for few minutes." Abby pleaded. The nurse nodded and said since the baby was awake it wouldn't hurt to have a little cuddle. Matt carefully lifted the tiny bundle out of the cot and placed her into Abby's waiting arms and then he finally allowed his own tears to flow, wrapping his arms around both Abby and his daughter and holding them in his protective embrace.

"Ashling," Abby whispered after a few minutes, kissing the baby's forehead.

"What?"

"How come you didn't mention your mum's name when we thinking about baby names?"

"You said you didn't want an Irish name because people always have difficulty spelling them."

"But your mother... Matt, you should have said. We should call her after your mum."

The baby gave a contented sigh and Matt laughed, it seemed she agreed with her new name as well. He squeezed both of them tightly and felt a huge sense of joy and love like he'd never experienced before. Like Ashling had said, he had a feeling everything was going to be fine.

Three Weeks Later

Matt couldn't believe it was finally happening. Both of his girls were coming home at last. Abby had been discharged a few days after that first cuddle in the baby unit, but had been pretty much living at the hospital whilst baby Ashling continued her treatment. But now, he was fastening her into the carrier whilst Abby made sure that they had all of their belongings and gave a final glance around at the place they weren't sorry to see the last of.

They stopped at the nurses station as they'd been instructed so they could all say goodbye. He'd bought a huge bunch of flowers and box of chocolates for them all to share, and had been treated to a hug and kiss from all of them. Abby smiled at him, amused to see her usually poker faced husband actually blushing at the attention.

With goodbyes and thank yous done, they prepared to leave for home. "Oh, I almost forgot!" Matt reached into his back pocket and took out a small gift wrapped box and gave it to the senior nurse. "Could you give that to Ashling, the Irish nurse on night duty? She was very helpful and kind to me during the first few difficult days. I wanted to thank her myself but I haven't seen her since Abby was discharged."

"Irish nurse?" The nurses all exchanged looks and looked confused. "Mr. Anderson, we don't have any Irish nurses here. There's a male doctor in A&E that's Irish, but no nurses."

"Are you sure? She's got red hair, keeps it tied up in a knot and..." He felt Abby's hand on his shoulder and he stopped. Of course the nurses would know whether they had a colleague that was Irish or not, but he was puzzled.

They went out to the car and Matt opened the back passenger door, carefully placing Ashling's carrier into the car seat anchors he'd spent hours fitting and triple checking to ensure it was properly fixed into place. This was probably the most precious cargo he'd ever carry in his car and he was taking no chances. Abby left him to it and settled herself into the front passenger seat, glancing back to watch Matt fuss with the seat again and pushing back the urge to tell him to stop worrying.

Finally satisfied, Matt got into the driver's seat and started the car, pulling out of the car park for the last time and heading for home. "Strange thing about that nurse,eh?" he said to Abby. "You met her too, a couple of times...She was with us that night you first held Ashling."

"I remember a nurse being with us, but to be honest I didn't really pay much attention to her accent or what she looked like. Most of what happened in those first few days is a bit of a blur... I'm sorry."

Matt turned his attention to the road ahead whilst Abby fiddled with the CD player to find some music she liked. Then it hit him. He recalled a conversation he'd had with his father once, one of the few occasions that he'd opened up and told Matt about his mother. "What was she like, dad?" he'd asked, "Beautiful, or at least that's what I thought. She had this long, flowing red hair that was always loose when we first met. It made her look like some kind of warrior princess. But after you were born, she kept it fastened up in a knot at the back of her head because it was more practical for nursing a baby. I loved to watch her with you back then. Her name couldn't have been more appropriate. Ashling means 'a vision' or 'a dream' you know, and that's exactly what she was to me."

Perhaps that explained why he was the only one that knew of the kind Irish nurse that had looked after him and gave him such perceptive advice just when he needed it. Maybe his father had been right when he said that his mother would always be with him in his heart. He'd never really believed in anything spiritual; he'd witnessed too much death and destruction for that, but he couldn't dismiss this experience as nothing either. When Ashling was properly settled at home, he'd tackle the subject with Abby, but for now his main priority was his own little 'dream' that was fast asleep in the back of his car.