Chapter 18

Alex was surprised to see both Harry Sullivan and Laurel Gentillini as he entered the examination room as ordered. "Umm… I'm here," he stated, looking on them with trepidation. "What's going on? Something about my semi-annual physical?"

"It revealed something quite unexpected," Harry told him. "We want to scan you just to verify the results we got."

"What results? Good unexpected or bad unexpected?"

Harry gestured towards the platform in front of the Velinian medical scanner. "Please."

Gazing at the physician with wariness, he started to take off his jacket but was stopped by Laurel. "That won't be necessary," she told him.

Raising an eyebrow, he brought the jacket back onto his shoulders before carefully stepping up and leaning against the platform as he had done several times in the past.

Harry operated the scanner, causing a green beam of light to move from the top of the Doctor's head down to his shoulders and back up again. When the scan was complete, he studied the results. A gentle smile graced his lips as he did so. "Well, this confirms it."

"Confirms what?" Alex questioned, growing frustrated by the lack of answers to his questions. "I get a knot in the pit of my stomach when my friends start acting very cryptic around me. So I would greatly appreciate it if either of you would tell me what the hell is going on."

"Come take a look," Harry invited, indicating the data screen in front of him.

The Doctor hesitated before obeying the request, studying the scan that had just been done. "It's clean," he stated, sounding slightly disinterested. A moment later, the reality of his words came back to him. "Wait a minute. It's clean!" He pulled out his glasses and slipped them on, leaning forward to get a better look at the scan results. "It's normal. Well, as normal as you can get with a Time Lord/Human biological metacrisis. There's absolutely no sign of a mental disorder anywhere. All my chemical levels are normal." He straightened and turned to Harry and then to Laurel. "Are you sure you used that thing correctly?" In answer to his query, Harry tapped a few icons on the screen, bringing up the scan they had done during his semi-annual exam. "They're the same," he exclaimed. "Equipment error?"

"No. We already ruled out that possibility as well as every other one that could dismiss these results."

"You mean I don't have bipolar disorder? But… how?"

"We believe that the antipsychotic you've been taking stimulated your body's own healing abilities," Laurel told him. "Basically, while you were taking the medicine, you were teaching your body what your normal brain chemistry should be, forcing it to complete your growth."

"You're saying my bipolar disorder was stunting my growth and I suddenly had a growth spurt?" Alex questioned with a hint of a grin.

"More like you've had a transition biologically, much like a teenager taking that last step into adulthood," his physician commented.

"Given this new development and that you are currently taking a minimum dosage, I'm taking you off medication," Laurel stated. "I still want to see you on a regular basis for a while which means I expect to see you next week. In addition, we both want to do another scan in a couple of months just to make sure that there are no signs of a relapse. However if we're right, you will never have to worry about bipolar disorder for the rest of your life."

"I'm cured. Just like that," the Doctor stated, some doubt in his features.

"If you were completely human, I'd say it was impossible," Harry replied. "Bipolar disorder can only be managed in humans, not eradicated."

"And we don't know for certain that your current mental health is permanent," Gentillini added. "Right now, it's more of a guessing game based on solid facts, thus the reason for the regular appointments with me and the future scan. If we're wrong, we'll need to put you back on medication but I'm thinking that a prescription for lithium as needed would probably be the strongest that you'll be taking."

Alex nodded exaggeratingly, as if trying to convince himself of the truth of their findings. "Good. Good. Okay. I'll… I'll stop taking the medicine today then. That's what you want me to do, yes?"

"Yes," she confirmed. "But if you feel overly anxious or depressed, call me."

"Okay," he agreed before giving a sniff.

Harry frowned slightly at the Doctor's reaction. "You don't seem pleased by our news."

"I am pleased," the Doctor contradicted. "Very pleased. Ecstatic in fact." He paused thoughtfully. "I think I'm in a bit of shock. I mean I never expected… this. It's probably the best news I've ever heard. Thank you." He grabbed each of their hands in turn, shaking them before exiting the room with a broad grin on his features. The revelation that he was free of bipolar disorder meant so much more to Alex than either Harry or Laurel knew. Their not seeing any chemical imbalance in his brain meant that not only was their supposition correct about his being cured but also he didn't need as much of the drug as he had before and thus his weaning himself from it was working.

Gallifreyan biology was different in many ways to Human biology, one of them being how the body absorbs chemicals. When certain antipsychotics are taken by Gallifreyans, they are immediately converted into an addictive compound similar to the original. Any amount of the drug not properly converted into the more addictive version – a version that didn't show up on the Velinian scanner – would be expelled from the body through the tra'eher. This access amount could easily be seen under testing as a kind of backwash. Alex, when he had started to take the drug, had hoped that his biology was more Human than Time Lord when it came to chemical absorption, that the drug wouldn't be converted into an addictive substance. Unfortunately, he had been wrong. As it was, if his biology hadn't converted all of the drug and the scans showed the backwash in his system, Harry and Laurel would know that he had been taking antipsychotics without a prescription and that would lead to all sorts of trouble the hybrid didn't want to address. The half-Gallifreyan needed to make sure that they never saw any unusual readings in their scans. That meant he would have to work even harder to be rid of the addiction before his next scan in two months time; the less drugs absorbed by his system, the more backwash would be noticeable on the scans until he wasn't taking the drug at all. It was a challenge he knew he could face now that he didn't need the drug for medicinal purposes.

Without even thinking about where he was going, he found himself walking into Rose's office unannounced.

Rose, surprised by Alex's revisit, returned the grin on his face. "What is it?"

"I'm cured!"

She blinked at his words, still smiling despite her bewilderment. "Sorry?"

"I'm cured," he repeated emphatically. "The bipolar disorder. It's gone. Caput. Vanished."

"But that's impossible. Isn't it?"

"Apparently not with biological metacrises."

"But… how?"

Alex slumped into the chair across from her, almost lying in it. The grin hadn't once left his features. "Remember when I stabilized and we found out that I was bipolar? Apparently, the medication Laurel put me on adjusted my brain to the levels they should have been in the first place. My self-healing abilities kicked in after a while, making the necessary repairs to my brain. Basically, my body needed to be taught what was normal and, once it understood how I should be, it went right to work in repairing the damage."

"And when did this all happen?"

"Well, my physical was three weeks ago and that showed the same as this last scan they just did."

"So, before Aderyn died," she noted, sadness filling her eyes.

"Yeah," he responded with a nod. A moment later, the implication struck him like a boulder. "Oh. Oh, Rose. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He seemed to physically deflate.

"It's not your fault."

"But it is my fault," he contradicted. "I mean, it's one thing to have an emotional outburst due to a mental disorder. But to have one because you're being a complete prick? No wonder you didn't have that particular story withdrawn from the tabloids."

"It's okay. I probably would have reacted the exact same way if our positions had been reversed," she stated gently as she walked around her desk to stand in front of him. "Besides, I've already forgiven you, yeah?"

"Still applies even if we now know for certain that I can be a downright ass sometimes?" he asked, reaching up to take her hands gently.

"Still applies," she agreed with a slight laugh.

"Thank you." He kissed the back of her right hand, appreciation in his eyes for her forgiveness. "Now, I really should go get something to eat and then go home."

"Can I join you for dinner?" she suggested. "We can celebrate you being cured."

He looked at her blankly for a long moment. He was starting to feel a little anxious – a sure sign that he needed a dose of antipsychotic – but he couldn't reject her request, not when things were starting towards a proper reconciliation between them. "Yeah. Sure. I suppose."

"You don't seem very happy with the idea." There was disappointment in her voice.

"No," he protested. "It's okay. I just… might not be the best company. Give me a few minutes. I need to take care of something." He stood abruptly and started for the door.

She frowned, concerned with his general demeanor. "Is everything okay?" she asked carefully.

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine," he told her, rubbing where his nose met his eye socket. "I just need to use the men's room."

The look on Rose's features indicated that she didn't entirely believe him. "Okay. How about we meet downstairs then?"

He nodded quickly to her proposal. "Sure." Turning, he exited the office quickly.

He was glad to see that the men's room was vacant, giving him as much privacy as possible to do what he needed. He didn't know why he felt such overwhelming anxiety being around Rose, an anxiety he knew had nothing to do with his addiction. He supposed he was afraid that they would get into another argument, which is what seemed to be the result of them being together for any length of time. The way he saw it, the current situation was a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario. They might get into an argument while at dinner yet, if he didn't go, they might argue about why he didn't want to go. He figured the best solution to avoid an argument was to say as little as possible, thus preventing himself from saying anything to which Rose might take offense.

He went to the sink and pulled out a vial from his inside pocket in the hopes that the antipsychotic he kept on him would help him with his anxiety. Remembering that he needed to take it easy on the drug or his addiction would be found out quickly, he pulled stopper off and tapped a small amount of white powder into his free hand. Making sure that he still had enough to take just before bedtime, he popped it in his mouth. Putting the vial down, he then ran the water, using the same hand he'd put the powder in to gather several gulps of water. Satisfied, he collected his vial, put the stopper back on, and tucked it back in his pocket. Then straightening his appearance, he left the toilet and headed for his rendezvous with Rose.

They took separate vehicles to go to the restaurant Rose suggested, an understandable act considering they were both going to their respective homes directly afterwards. Rose arrived at the restaurant first and procured a table, certain that the Doctor would be showing up a few minutes after her. When he didn't arrive after ten minutes, she decided that he likely got stuck in traffic so she ordered herself a beer. Twenty minutes after that, she started to worry. Pulling out her phone, she called his mobile but found it going to voicemail. Nearly an hour after arriving at the restaurant, she was on the verge of panicking when he strolled through the door.

"Where the hell have you been?" she hissed under her breath.

Alex looked at her with surprise, unzipping his leather jacket as he sat down. "There was an accident. I stopped to help until the police and ambulance came."

"You could've called. You didn't even answer your phone."

He glared at her. "It's kind of hard to answer a phone when you've got your hands busy trying to keep a teenager boy from bleeding to death before paramedics arrive."

"Is he okay? What happened?" she questioned, instantly concerned by his words.

Alex took a breath, clearly hesitant to speak. "He was behind a truck hauling rebar and the truck stopped suddenly. A rebar broke loose when he rear-ended the truck. It went through the windshield and into his left shoulder. Missed his heart, thank goodness. He should be okay after surgery but he's going to have a long recovery ahead of him."

"I'm glad he'll recover."

There was a moment of silence between them, interrupted by the waiter coming to see if they were ready to order. Alex immediately ordered an iced tea and made his meal selection after a quick look at the menu. Rose in turn made her own order and the waiter left with the assurance that he would bring Alex's tea.

Rose waited until the waiter had brought Alex his drink before trying to start another conversation, this time less hostile. "So, still looking for a job?"

"Yeah," he agreed with a nod.

"Find any openings?"

"A couple at the University of London."

"What are they for?"

"Physics teacher and History teacher."

"Which one would you prefer?"

"Either."

"You think that teaching History would be challenging enough for you?"

"Should be. New universe, new history. And I like to teach."

"That's good." Rose sighed at the blunted conversation, wondering why the Doctor was suddenly being less than his talkative self, especially since he had no trouble communicating in her office or telling her about the accident. They were silent once again as they waited for their meals to be served. A few minutes later, the waiter brought their dishes and, after insuring they didn't need further service at that moment, left to tend to other customers. She tried one more time to engage him as they ate. "So, I hear you found a flat."

"Yes."

"Nice place?"

"It's suitable."

"Apartment?"

"Studio."

"Big?"

"Not really."

"Anything special?"

"It's across the street from the park."

Another awkward couple of minutes passed.

"Close to the University?" she queried.

"Yes."

"Walking distance?"

"Couple of blocks if you walk through the park."

Rose finally couldn't take the situation anymore. Putting her fork down forcibly, she glared at Alex. "What the hell is the matter with you?" she demanded vehemently.

His eyes widened with surprise for the second time that evening. "What did I do this time?"

"That's just it! You aren't doing anything! All of a sudden, you aren't talking to me. It's like I'm talking to an automated phone system. Any second now, I'm expecting you to tell me to hold on the line while you connect me to a customer service representative."

"What did you expect? I warned you that I might not be the best company," he countered. "And that car accident certainly didn't help my mood."

"Yeah, but I didn't expect to be having dinner with an Auton."

"You think I'm made out of plastic?"

"Well, you certainly are acting like it."

The Doctor sighed in frustration, putting his own fork down. He pulled the napkin from his lap and put it beside his plate. "This was a mistake. All you want to do is fight. I'm tired of fighting with you, Rose."

"I don't want to fight with you either. I just want us to talk… like we used to before…"

"Before Bad Wolf Bay?" he questioned. "I'm not him, Rose. I thought we agreed to let me be me."

"I was referring to before Aderyn died. I mean when we weren't arguing. And I am letting you be you but you aren't acting like you. I don't know who you are right now, but you're not Alex Smith. Alex Smith talked to me."

"I am Alex Smith," he countered strongly. "Just because I'm trying to avoid an argument by keeping my mouth shut for a change doesn't change who I am."

Rose blinked at his words, understanding starting to form in her mind. "Is that why you haven't been talking to me? Because you didn't want to get into an argument?"

He didn't reply for a long moment. "Yeah."

A sad laugh seeped out of her as tears formed in her eyes. "And here I go and start one."

Alex reached forward to take her hand. "Oh, Rose, don't cry. I feel your emotions just swarming out of you and… it hurts when you're sad."

"The Doctor said that we'd become the people we need for each other and I just don't see that happening, not with our fighting and…"

"Hold on. I don't remember my brother ever saying that," he interrupted. He pulled his hand away. "You saw him again, didn't you?" Seeing her look at him as if she'd been caught, he pressed. "When?"

"When you were in the hospital," Rose confirmed. "Right after you… tried to kill yourself. He said he could still feel you and even hear some of your thoughts because the gaps in the universe hadn't completely closed yet and… he was worried. About us." She got a haunted expression on her face. "About me accepting you. He said the reason he put us together was because we need each other, that we'd make each other better. But I don't see that happening. Do you?"

"Actually, yes. I do," Alex countered. "I'm better because of you. Maybe not completely the man I want to be but I'm getting there. That's why I moved out, isn't it?"

"I thought it was because of what happened with Aderyn," she replied, her voice quiet.

He sighed, ashamed of his actions on that night. "Part of it was, yes. But it mostly was so that I could find out who I am so that I can be the person I want to be for you. And I'm trying. I really am."

She sighed, her face clearly showing self-rebuke. "I guess I'm just being impatient when it comes to… us. I want us to work so much that it hurts. And I have to admit that I'm better because of you. You did help me figure out how to interpret my dreams. And whenever I'm with you, I couldn't be happier… except when we argue."

"Me too." He took a deep breath. "I think we need to make a pact."

"And that is?"

"To never ever ever get into an argument again."

She laughed slightly. "As wonderful as that idea is, I don't think it's very feasible. We're only human and half-human. We're bound to get into an argument again, especially considering our history."

"Then we avoid it at all costs," he amended. "Because I don't ever want to get into an argument with you again."

"Agreed there," she concurred vehemently. "Just as long as you stop going silent on me. I mean, first it's because you were having…"

"… an emotional biologically-driven hormonal reaction?"

She couldn't help but chuckle at his words. "That's definitely one way of putting it."

"And then I go silent because I don't want to get into an argument. Maybe we should agree that, if I go quiet for some reason, you should ask – gently – what the matter is rather than overreact. I am a quiet person when it comes to dealing with some situations, especially when they're personal. So, please, be patient with me. And I shall do the same with you. Isn't patience part of being a couple?"

"I suppose it is" she agreed. She gave him an apologetic smile. "I'll try to do better. For you."

He returned the smile lovingly. "Thank you."

The two were again silent, this time comfortably as they ate. Dessert was declined when the waiter offered before leaving their checks on their table.

"Can I ask a favor of you?" Alex put it, gazing at his check.

"You can ask me anything."

He scratched his brow, clearly uneasy with what he was going to say. "I… um… I can't seem to find a job."

She gave him a sad smile. "I know. You don't have to worry about that."

"I don't?"

"The Dean of the University of London called me to check your references. I gave you a glowing one. I think Dad did too."

"You did?" he questioned with surprise.

"Of course, we did. Why wouldn't we?"

"But you just asked if I was still looking. Why would you ask if you knew I was looking?"

"I was starting a conversation. I was going to tell you about the reference but I couldn't get your interest so I changed subjects. I think you're going to be hired at the University next week. The only question I have is why we never got any calls before."

He avoided her eyes, obviously embarrassed. "I didn't list you as a reference until I applied at the University. I let my pride get in the way. I've been a right bastard for the last three weeks and you've been so forgiving. I just… I don't know how to repay you."

"You can do it by saying what you said earlier today," she told him.

"What was that?"

"That you love me."

"I do love you."

She gave him a smile. "Then how about you move back in? From the tone of your voice earlier, your flat can't be the best place in the world and your room is still available. Haven't touched a thing."

Alex grinned at her words. "As tempting as that is… no."

"Why not?"

He took a breath, his expression pensive. "For one, I have a three month lease on the flat so I need to stay there until the lease is up. For two… I do love you, Rose. And I want to do this right this time around. I still need a job and I haven't yet figured out who I am. Once I'm sure about that, I would love to move back in with you. Just not yet. Can you understand that?"

Though her eyes were sad, they were also understanding. "Yeah. Yeah, I can. As long as you agree to see me on a regular basis," she added with a teasing grin.

"Proper dating?" he responded, returning the smile. "Sure I'll give it a go." That gained a little laugh from her.

After making sure that their checks were paid, the two left the restaurant together. After giving each other a hug and a gentle kiss, they parted ways, both sure that they had a chance of a future together.