A/N: Hello again! I bet you're excited to see this! I know I haven't been very good at updating but I'm trying my best. Someone did note, as you have seen in my writing, that I tend to put "oh my gawd" instead of "oh my god" in my writing. This is primarily a personal preference. You may see in other stories (and possibly in this story in the future) that I will use the other spelling when appropriate (when it is an actual prayer or referring to a god, not just an exclamation).

On that note, here is the next chapter! (Finally!)

Chapter 21

The evening didn't go well for Alex and Rose. Although they did collect every scrap of drug related paraphernalia in the Doctor's apartment, he had fought with her the entire way, not wanting to be parted with the safety he felt with the drug. It took several reminders from Rose that he promised to go clean and another threat that she would leave him – she had actually gone out the door and to her car, Alex hurrying to catch up to her and begging her not to leave – before he finally cooperated with the search. By the time they were done, it was clear that Alex was coming down from his high as his hands started to shake and his attitude became more intolerable. A hard slap across his face brought forth another plea that Rose not leave him and that she help him to be better.

To Rose, Alex's excessive stubbornness only emphasized just how far down he'd fallen into his addiction. She knew that he had a long way to go to be free of the drug's influence but she was also still unsure about his determination to get free, especially with how he continually glanced at the mounting stack with hungry eyes. Having dealt with addicts before, she knew that they would go to any length to get their fix, even lie, plead, and say they're willing to go clean. She also knew the Doctor very well. If he were truly serious about going clean, he would risk his own health to do it. She couldn't allow him to cause harm to himself in his efforts to go clean and she knew that he would need to have a fix tonight before they went to see Laurel and Harry. The question now was how much of a fix did he really need and whether or not he would follow through on his assertion that he wanted to be free. She decided that she needed to test his resolve.

Once they had collected everything drug related and put them by the door, Rose pulled Alex to the couch once again, making him sit. Going back to the collection, she retrieved one syringe, a bottle of the drug, an elastic tie, and a bandage.

"I know your probably not feeling the best right now…" she started.

He gave her a glare. "Ya think?" He cringed the moment the words came out of his mouth. "Sorry. I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm just… I really want a fix right now."

"Then have one." She offered him the supplies she'd pulled. "Make up your dose. I want to see how much you normally take."

He stared at her in utter disbelief. "I thought you were going to help me get off that stuff."

"I am. But as we discussed earlier, it's going to take time and you obviously need a fix. You need to take a dose before the withdrawal symptoms become dangerous."

The Doctor cringed slightly even as he gazed on the bottle with undeniable desire. "I do want it," he whispered. A moment later, he quickly turned his face away. "Please… don't tempt me. I have to break free of this, no matter what the consequences are and I don't need the temptation right now."

Mentally, Rose smiled at the determination he professed but nonetheless remained serious on the matter. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to go completely cold turkey. Do you? Can your body handle going completely off the drug without being gradually weaned?"

The hybrid wrapped his arms around himself, scratching slowly at his shoulder. "No. Going cold is a very bad idea. It could kill me," he admitted.

"That's what I thought. So the question really is, how much do you need to hold off the withdrawal symptoms?"

"A full dose," came the immediate response.

Rose raised her eyebrows, knowing that his reply came far too quickly to be honest. "The equivalent of four pills?" she questioned, disbelief obvious in her voice.

"Yes," he replied softly. Noting the authoritative stance Rose immediately took, he sighed. "No," he corrected reluctantly. "I could probably do with a little less."

"Then give yourself less than normal, just enough to stop the symptoms for the time being." Seeing the hesitation in his eyes, she knew that he was torn between temptation to take the whole amount regardless of her instructions and resolution to go completely without the drug.

"All right," he finally relented, though the warring with himself was still apparent in his eyes. Receiving the requested items, he carefully measured out the amount of the drug he needed. Seeing Rose watching him closely, he resisted the urge to make the dose larger than he absolutely needed, being sure to tell her exactly how much he was taking in comparison to his usual dose. Then, with the skill of a registered nurse, he tied the piece of blue elastic just above his elbow, cutting off blood flow to his arm. He pushed the needle into his arm and injected himself with antipsychotic. Removing the needle, he handed it over to Rose and covered the still beading entry point with his hand, refusing the bandage she offered. "It'll stop bleeding in a minute. Just need to rinse off the dried blood after a bit."

She regarded him for a long moment, clearly concerned for his well-being and a little wary of how the drug would affect his personality. "Will you be able to sleep with this in your system? You were pretty hyper earlier."

"I typically take a sleeping pill before I go to bed if I can't sleep. It helps calm the symptoms of hyperactivity."

She frowned. "Wait… a large dose of antipsychotic and a sleeping pill? Isn't that a bit dangerous?"

He gave a sickly laugh at her observation. "As if taking sixteen times the recommended dosage of an anti-psychotic isn't dangerous on its own. But it's better than not sleeping at all. Besides…" He tucked his head down, clearly ashamed of what he was about to admit. "A sleeping pill also makes the dreams more vivid, like… like an hallucination caused by LSD. It'll keep me calm through the night." Seeing the stunned expression on her face, he tried to reassure her. "I don't take a sleeping pill every night, though. I've only taken maybe four since…" He hesitated, an sad expression on his features. "… since the… since the University," he hurriedly finished, clearly still uncomfortable with talking about the massacre.

She shook her head at his explanation. "No way you are taking a sleeping pill tonight," she stated firmly.

"Rose…" he protested. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight if I don't."

"No, Doctor. No sleeping pill. It's bad enough that you have this addiction. But now you tell me sleeping pills not only calm you but enhance the experience? No way am I letting you near them. I'd rather we both stayed up all night than to cause you any more harm than you've already caused to yourself."

Seeing that she wasn't going to budge on the matter, he gave a resigned nod. "In that case, I hope you have something to keep me occupied because it's going to be a long night."

The two were awake most of the night, just as Alex had predicted. It was around four o'clock in the earlier morning when Alex was finally calm enough to lay down on his bed and close his eyes to catch a little sleep. Rose had stayed up with him until she was certain he wasn't going to wake up anytime soon and then settled into a chair by his bed, determined to wake at a moment's notice. It wasn't the first time she'd had to be alert to her surroundings while catching a few winks. In many ways, the night with Alex was like a stakeout and she'd done her fair share of those as a Torchwood agent.

The two of them woke shortly after eight o'clock and, after showering and dressing, had a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast. Since he showed signs of withdrawal, Rose allowed him another injection of antipsychotic, insisting that he reduce the dosage even further than he had the previous injection. Then, getting on Alex's computer, Rose typed up Alex's resignation letter to the University of London as well as his request to immediately terminate his lease on the apartment. After that was done, she called a moving company to have all of his belongings collected and moved to her condominium. While they waited for the movers, they packed up what little he had in boxes that Alex had kept from his moving into the residence. She then called Jake, who was pleased to hear that Alex was returning to the condo, and asked that he wait for the movers and make sure that nothing was damaged in the move.

Having ensured that Alex's property would be delivered to the condo in a timely manner, the Doctor and Rose collected his drug paraphernalia and packed it into the back of Rose's SUV. After turning in the apartment's keys, the now signed contract cancellation letter, and a check to cover the fees incurred from the cancellation, they went to Torchwood Tower and up to Laurel's office, asking to see both her and Harry as soon as possible. Assured by the secretary that the doctors would be informed, they sat in the waiting room, Alex fidgeting nervously as yet another round of withdrawal symptoms made themselves known. Despite the desperation that was starting to color his eyes, he remained silent, Rose's firm hand assuring him that she was there and that she would remain with him as long as he fought for release from the drug's influence on him.

Harry and Laurel entered the waiting room together, clearly having been in consultation when Rose had requested their presence.

"Alex, you look like shit," Harry commented with a frown, regarding his friend with concern.

"Thanks," he murmured back, clenching his hands together to force them to stop shaking violently.

"We need to talk," Rose told the doctors. Her tone indicated just how important the issue was.

"Come on in," Laurel invited, leading the way into her office. The four took seats around a coffee table, a position Alex and Laurel were familiar with even though it had been months since they'd acted as patient and doctor respectively. "What's on your minds?" she questioned as they settled.

Rose turned to the Doctor, who looked distinctively uncomfortable. "Go on. Tell them." Seeing the pleading look he gave her, she returned with an authoritative frown. "Remember what you promised."

Nodding briefly at her words, he took a deep breath before meeting Harry's and Laurel's eyes with his own. "Remember when you prescribed that antipsychotic to me when I was bipolar and you asked me if there were any side effects on Time Lord biology that you should be aware of? Well, I lied. There is a side effect, one hell of one. I didn't tell you because I was desperate and I convinced myself that my human half would counteract my Time Lord half when metabolizing the drug."

"And what is this side effect?" Laurel asked, concern clear on her features.

"Addiction. Antipsychotics are addictive to Time Lords. I'm sorry. Truly I am. But I didn't even realize that I'm addicted until… until Aderyn died and Rose and I broke up. When I quit Torchwood, I found I had to keep a budget." He gave a sad laugh. "Having a budget made my addiction very clear to me."

"You didn't have enough of an income to support your habit," Harry concluded.

Alex nodded slowly. "But I think it really started when I began taking more than you prescribed."

"When did you start abusing the substance?" Laurel questioned.

"About a week after you prescribed them. Even then, it was only one additional pill every couple of days to keep the feeling of being out of control at bay. But by the end of the first month, I was taking two pills every day. When I realized that I was running out of pills too quickly, I thought that I could take care of it myself but since I didn't have a license to prescribe medications…" He sighed, clearly ashamed of himself. "I'm sorry, Laurel. I stole one of your prescription pads. I forged prescriptions in your name. And when I ran out of prescriptions I decided that it would be less conspicuous if I were to make the drug myself." He turned to Rose, sadness in his eyes. "That's what the lab in the basement was for. I'm sorry."

"I suspected so when I saw all the lab equipment in your apartment yesterday," Rose admitted.

"But we would have seen indications of addictive behavior in the scans we performed on you," Harry countered, clearly surprised by Alex's admissions.

"No, you wouldn't have. Time Lords absorb chemicals differently than humans and I was careful in hiding my activities… for the most part. It came out in the way I behaved like a right bastard, though. The addiction and my own bloody stubbornness were the root causes of me and Rose breaking up after Aderyn died. On my own, without the financial means of maintaining my habit as it was, I finally realized that I'm an addict. When I was running out of pills too quickly, I tried to wean myself from the drug. And I almost succeeded. I was almost free. And then… I failed." He quickly wrapped his arms around his torso, sniffing as his emotions started to overwhelm him. "Oh, gawd… all those people…"

Laurel, Harry and Rose all exchanged glances, silently confirming with each other their suspicions on his reaction.

"The London University Massacre," Laurel stated gently, hoping for a confirmation.

"They died because of me," he murmured, wiping away a tear. "I should've found him and stopped him before… I knew he was going to do something! I felt someone's anger. I should have found him and stopped him. Why didn't I find him and stop him?"

Rose gently moved to pull him into a hug. "We talked about this before. It's not your fault. You couldn't have known who he was and what he was planning."

"But I felt it from him. I should have stopped him," he contradicted her.

She shook her head. "What you should've done was seen Laurel afterwards like I suggested. If you had, would you have turned to self-medication?" Seeing his expression turn ponderous, she pressed gently, "Would you have?"

"No, I don't think so. Maybe." He shook his head. "I don't know."

"It's good that at least you recognize that you need my help," Laurel told him, looking on him with sympathy.

He raised his eyes to meet hers and noticed the expression there. "Don't look at me like that. Don't. I don't deserve pity. I threw away everything good I ever had that day." Grimacing, he wrapped his arms around his stomach and whimpered.

"He's having withdrawal symptoms," Rose explained, rubbing his back. "He has them every four hours or so and he hasn't had a hit since lunch. I didn't think it was a good idea to force him to go clean immediately, not with how high his doses are, though I have been getting him to take less than normal."

"How high are they?" Harry asked with growing concern.

"He told me that he's up to the equivalent of four pills four times a day and that the drug is more refined than the prescribed version. We have all of his drug supplies in the boot of my SUV. Figured you might need them."

"Sixteen pills a day?"

"The equivalent, yes. I could hardly believe it myself when he told me."

The medical practitioner sighed, shaking his head before turning to Laurel. Seeing from the expression in her eyes that she was on the same mental page as he, he returned his attention to the Doctor. "Alex, do you honestly want to be free of this addiction?"

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't," he responded, his tone clearly showing growing agitation with the situation.

"With how severe this appears to be, we're going to have to admit you into the medical ward. We need to run tests to see what we are dealing with in order to better help you towards your goal."

"Admit me? Tests?" Alex questioned, slight confusion on his face. Looking towards Rose in the hope of some reassurance, he noticed only determination and caring. Instantly, he understood why she had insisted on moving him out of the apartment so quickly. "You knew. You knew they would have me admitted into the medical ward for this."

"When you told me how much you were taking, I knew I couldn't help you on my own. I knew you needed proper medical help," she admitted. "I suspected that they would have you admitted but I didn't know for sure. I didn't lie to you, Doctor. The guidelines are still in place. When you are ready to be released, I want you back at home with me." She gently brushed his cheek with her palm. "I love you and I will do whatever I can to help you, including cornering you into allowing yourself to be admitted into medical care. I know you don't like it but you need this. I won't leave you, Alex. Not as long as you honestly work towards being the man I know you want to be."

He considered all that had been said, acknowledging the need for what they wanted of him. "I won't make it easy for any of you," he admitted. "When I'm high, it's like I'm totally a different person and I don't remember my actions afterwards. Very Jekyll and Hyde. And I know that withdrawals will make me just as bad. But I do want to be free of this so don't give up on me. Don't any of you give up on me no matter how stubborn I am and no matter how much I fight."

"I can guarantee you that isn't going to happen," Laurel assured. "We are going to tackle not only your addiction but also the post-traumatic stress from the massacre." Seeing the trepidation in his eyes, she assured him, "I will help you see that what happened that day really isn't your fault."

"But it is," he disagreed.

"That, Alex, is a discussion for another day. For now, let's get you settled and we'll plan a regimen for you."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The first couple of days were fairly easy on Alex. Harry and Laurel decided that, in order to completely understand the situation with him, they needed to see how he behaved under near normal circumstances. They allowed him access to the drug he had made and kept him under close observation in a secure room while they analyzed the drug to find out its properties. The room he had been given during his stay in the medical ward was more like a hotel room than a hospital room, though the half-Gallifreyan was continually reminded that he was never truly alone in the accommodations thanks to the security cameras and two-way mirrors. His rational mind understood the necessity for the precautions, that they were to insure his safety, but it didn't stop him from feeling a bit violated.

During those first two days, through careful testing and observation, Harry and Laurel discovered that the drug was just as the Doctor had told Rose: a stronger, more addictive version of the prescription Laurel had given him. Once they understood his habits and what he was taking, they laid out a regimen to wean him from his addiction once and for all. Alex's own homemade drugs were properly destroyed, forcing the half-Gallifreyan to take the less addictive version. Whereas the Doctor had taken his doses based on how much he felt he needed and in a haphazard manner, Laurel gave him a new prescription with specific instructions on its use. She immediately dropped his intake to 3 pills four times a day, a nurse insuring that he received only what was prescribed.

Alex seemed to take the change of medication well. He spent most of the next three days either reading or meditating. While he had a couple of times been short with the staff who came to check on him and ensure he was well fed, he always apologized immediately afterwards. He also behaved well for his appointments with Laurel and Harry for counseling and testing respectively. It appeared that the side effects to the treatment would be far less volatile than the Doctor had warned.

On the sixth day after Alex was admitted, Harry and Laurel came to his room, clearly pleased.

"You're doing extraordinarily well, Alex," Laurel complimented. "I'm glad you're taking the regimen so seriously."

"Thanks," he murmured, his eyes focused on his fingernails as he scratched at his cuticles.

"In fact, having seen your last test results, Harry and I agree that your dosage should be lowered. Starting tonight, I'm reducing your dosage to two pills four times a day."

Her words were sufficient for him to switch his focus to her. "Two pills? But that's taking away four pills a day. That's a whole regular dose. I thought you were going to do this gradually."

"We are, Doctor. At this point in your treatment, you don't need more than two pills a dose."

"Like hell I don't!" he stated with increased anger.

Harry raised his hand to try to sooth the agitated half-alien. "Please, Alex, hear us out."

"No! You have no idea what this is like, what it's like to go through withdrawals! It hurts, damn it! And I won't endure any more of this than I absolutely have to."

"We are only acting out of your best interests," Laurel emphasized.

"How in the Eternals' Realm would you know what's best for me? You know nothing about my biology that I didn't show you! I'm the expert with my own health and I refuse to accept a drop in dosage until I say so!"

She gave him an authoritative glare. "I'm your psychiatrist and you've put yourself in my care. You will do what you are told to do."

"How dare you talk to me like that!" he countered furiously. "Compared to me, you stupid apes are nothing! And I am certainly not going to allow you to keep me locked up against my will while you continue to rattle a painted gourd over me! I'd get better medical attention from an Aboriginal shaman!"

There was a moment of stunned silence. "We'll talk about this after you've calmed down a little," Laurel stated, clearly angered by Alex's obvious insult to their medical expertise. She and Harry then started towards the door.

"I'm not done with you, human!" Alex growled, marching up to her and grabbing her arm tightly, thus halting her.

Harry immediately reacted to the blatant assault, yanking Alex's hand away from Laurel's arm and pushing him away. "Get your hands off of her!"

"Don't tell me what to do, Harry! You always were an imbecile and you always will be so I don't have to listen to a damned thing you say!" He reached for the psychiatrist once again, determined to force her to listen to his tirade.

Harry once again grabbed the Doctor's arm, pulling him back before he could touch Laurel. In retaliation, the half-Gallifreyan attempted to punch the physician who, being a veteran of the Royal Air Force and a long-time Torchwood employee, reacted quickly by snatching Alex's wrist. In one quick move, he wrapped the enraged patient's arm behind his back and forced him against the nearest wall.

"Get help," Harry ordered Laurel as he used every ounce of his strength to keep Alex in place in spite of his intense struggling. "He's stronger than he looks and I'm not as young as I used to be."

Without even waiting for reassurance, the psychiatrist hurried out.

"Let go of me!" Alex demanded as he thrashed about. He reached over his shoulder with his free hand, trying to get some leverage. It was a mistake, he quickly discovered, as Harry took the opportunity to grasp his elbow, further immobilizing him. "You fucking son of a bitch, let me go!"

"Not… going to happen," Harry grunted back. His hold on Alex was slipping – the half-alien was a lot stronger than he looked – and he wasn't sure how long he'd be able to keep it up. He soon found out that it wasn't long enough. Just as the door to the room opened once again, Alex broke free of the elder man's grip and pushed him violently away, causing Harry to stumble and fall, cracking his head against an end table.

Laurel, who had just returned with three strong men and a strait jacket, gasped in shock as she saw Harry fall. A second later, the men were tackling Alex to the floor, fighting to keep him still while they forced the strait jacket on him.

"You can't do this to me! Get off of me!" the hybrid demanded, not stopping for a second as he wrestled his attackers. He fought as they wrapped his arms around himself and buckled them into place, making him effectively helpless against them. He continued to scream protests as they pushed and pulled him out of the room.

Laurel hurried over to Harry, who was gently pressing his hand to the back of his skull. "Are you okay?" she questioned with concern.

"I think so," he murmured.

"Let's have that look at, just in case," she insisted, helping him to his feet and guiding him from the room.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Rose wanted to visit with Alex before she left for home. It was one of her habits while the hybrid was being treated for his addiction. Visiting him showed her not only his progress towards freedom but also, she hoped, gave him a morale boost – a pep talk to assure him that he would get better with every day. As usual when she went for a visit, she first went to find Harry or Laurel to get permission, which so far had not been rejected. Therefore, she was stunned when she found the couple in an examination room with Harry being treated by one of the other Torchwood physicians.

"What happened?" she questioned with concern.

"Alex did," Harry told her, wincing as the gash on the back of his head was cleaned with an antiseptic.

"What?!"

"He didn't react well to being told that we're going to reduce his intake by four pills a day," Laurel clarified. "Besmirched the human species in general and us specifically by comparing us to voodoo shamans. When we decided to leave to give him time to cool down, he attacked us."

"He became so violent that we were forced to restrain him," Harry continued the narration. "I had him against the wall, keeping him still until Laurel got help but I couldn't hold him for long. He pushed me off of him and, in the process, caused me to hit my head on the end table. Got a nasty bump for it too."

"More like a gouge," the doctor tending him stated. "You're lucky you don't have a concussion or need stitches."

"Tell that to my pounding headache," the elder physician grumbled in response. "Fortunately for all of us, some interns were able to get him into a jacket and into a cell but he put up one hell of a fight."

"He's in a padded cell?" Rose questioned, still trying to understand how any of this could have happened.

"I dislike the need to confine him in such a manner but we didn't have a choice," Laurel stated gently. "If you had been there, you'd understand. He was clearly out of control and a danger not only to us but also to himself."

"But he was fine this morning," came the vehement protest even as one of the interns entered the room. Rose couldn't help but notice he had an odd circular shaped wound on his cheek.

"Dr. Smith is secured," the man informed them, his focus on Laurel.

"Good," she responded quietly, her tone indicating just how upset she was with the necessity.

Rose could no longer hold back her curiosity concerning the obviously fresh wound. "What happened to you?"

The intern looked decidedly embarrassed. "He… bit me."

"He bit you?" she asked, stunned.

"Yes, ma'am."

"The Doctor… bit you."

"Yes, ma'am. I never saw a person lose it like that. Kept ranting on about his superiority and how stupid humans were. He even screamed in some gobble-dee-gook alien language. And after we closed the door, he started to throw himself against it. He's probably still doing it with how much of a raving lunatic he was."

"Don't call him that! The Doctor isn't insane," she countered angrily. She turned to Harry and Laurel. "You can't keep him in there! So he overreacted. Alex does that. But he'd never actually hurt anyone. There has to be a rational explanation for his actions."

Harry raised his hand. "You forgot about me, old thing. And believe me when I tell you he wasn't acting in any way rationally."

"That doesn't mean you had to lock him up! You could have just sedated him."

"With his half-alien biology, sedating him is a tricky process and, with how he reacted, it just wouldn't have been possible to sedate him safely without restraining him," he countered. "Remember the last time we sedated him? He was asleep for twenty-eight hours."

"Sedating him in his current condition, with him detoxing from antipsychotics, the drug interactions could be extremely serious," Laurel agreed.

"Besides," Harry added, "Alex himself warned us against sedating him as it could stop his heart. Until we know for certain what kind of sedative we can use without harming him and then what amount of sedative won't impede on his progress, we just can't risk it."

"But you have to let him go. He isn't dangerous. He isn't!" A moment later, a flash of inspiration came to her eyes and she turned to Laurel. "If I can prove he isn't dangerous to himself or others, will you let him out?"

"I'll consider it… if I am certain about his mental health," the psychiatrist conceded.

"Well, then, grab your keys. You're going to need them," Rose stated firmly as she exited the room, plainly certain that the older woman would follow her.