If on a Winter's Night

by Touchstone67

One fateful, winter's night, Edward and Jasper's lives are turned upside down. Is their relationship strong enough to withstand the aftermath, or will they be driven apart forever? Rated M for sexual situations, language. AH J/E slash

13. Still a Light that Shines on Me

Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N-New Year's is an important time in the lives of these boys. It was NYE that they had planned to have sex for the first time. It was NYE that their lives changed in a few seconds, two lives forever different because of a guy who made a really bad decision. It was NY Day that they had planned on sleeping in and enjoying the afterglow of their first time by doing it a second and third time. It was NYD that they spent in a hospital, one clinging to his life while the other waited for him in the darkness.

I'm glad to be posting today, given its meaning to the boys. I hope everyone got though last night safely. Needless to say, after writing this story, I'm more than nervous about New Year's Eve accidents. I hope the New Year brings you all lots of love, laughter and good fics to read!

As always hugs to Dannie for her many prereads and beta on this chapter. Also for her knowledge of all things WoW.

Now Jasper pov

"**~~**"

If on a winter's night he hadn't decided to fight for his life …

"**~~**"

She knew.

Alice knew.

The cab of the truck was still cold as I pulled up to the stop sign at the end of Edward's street. More than a little paranoid about accidents now, I looked both ways three times before pulling through the intersection. While watching the road, I hit play on the stereo, smiling a little when "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" started.

I would actually be satisfied with just holding his hand.

For awhile anyway.

Hell, I was seventeen, I used to think about sex - having it, wanting it, imagining it - about every thirty seconds, but since Edward's accident, my priorities had shifted. Getting into Edward's pants was much less important than just being with him in any capacity I could. I knew the physical shit would come eventually, and if it didn't, it didn't. It was Edward I loved, not his dick.

I hadn't meant to fall asleep in his bed, in his arms, but I was more tired than I had expected after the meadow the night before and then school the next day. I had found it harder than usual to concentrate at school; the thoughts in my head were not differential equations or Newton's law, but rather fiery hair and a heroic soul. When I arrived at Edward's after school, I found him as tired as I was. Seeing him so…vulnerable on his bed, his eyes drifting closed from exhaustion, I just had to hold him. Not hesitating when he had spread his arms, I had curled up next to his warmth, pressing myself to him as close as I could. My body was forced to stay outside his no matter how hard I tried to crawl inside him, however my soul easily traveled through our flesh and blood and melded with his.

After I promised I wouldn't have any regrets for staying with him, I had kissed him.

And it had been simply incredible.

Then I made the mistake of laying my head on his chest, of listening to his heart beating strong and steady beneath his ribs, and letting the sound lull me to sleep. I woke up to his fingers urgently tugging my hair and his worried voice.

"Alice caught us."

I bolted upright, my hand remaining on his chest as I regained my senses. Edward hadn't moved of course, but his arm was still loosely around my back, his other had fallen onto his stomach when I sat up. One of my legs was over his and my shirt had ridden up a few inches. Our position could only be described as intimate, surely one of lovers and not just friends.

I offered to talk to her right then, but he said no, he would do it. I apologized for having fallen asleep, but he admitted he had too. He was more exhausted than I was; it showed on his face and slow movements and in his eyes that he fought to keep open.

As I shoved my feet into my sneakers and pulled on my sweatshirt, I watched him, fearing he would revert back to pushing me away now that we'd been exposed. Instead, I found him to be calm, even resigned to what had happened. Even so, when I asked to kiss him before I left I had expected him to say no.

But he didn't.

He nodded and I sat on the bed, placing one hand next to his hip, I leaned forward and swept my chapped lips over his. As usual when we touched, my heart skipped a few beats prior to falling into perfect time with his. Before I pulled away, I felt his hand on my shoulder, his fingers digging into my skin as he resisted tasting me. I couldn't help but smile when we parted.

I pulled into my driveway and turned off the truck. Bringing my fingers up to my lips, I traced them, swearing I could still feel the pressure of Edward's against them. Smiling, I got out of the truck and went inside. I didn't even make it to the stairs before my mother called me into the family room.

"Have you eaten?"

I shook my head.

"Here, have some," she said, pushing a half empty pizza box on the table toward me. "How's Edward?"

Sitting down in the chair next to the couch, I picked up a slice of pizza. "Pretty good," I mumbled as chewed. Picking up the remote, she turned down the TV and stretched.

"And Esme? I talked to Carlisle at work today, but I haven't talked to Esme in almost a week."

"They're good. Still worried about everything Edward does."

"Of course they are. I don't blame them, I'd be the same way if it was you," she agreed.

"You would?"

"Definitely. Carlisle and I might be at an advantage because we know what to expect with his injury, but at the same time, we also know how quickly and easily things can go wrong."

"That makes sense I guess," I shrugged.

"Esme's worried because that's what mother's do. We worry about our children."

Watching me pick up another slice, she smiled.

"What?"

"You're eating."

"Yeah, so?"

"You haven't voluntarily eaten since the accident."

I shrugged again and took another bite.

"Edward must be better," she assumed correctly. "How's their place coming along? You're father said they're making good progress."

"It looks really good. Edward's bathroom is done and the kitchen is close. Then they just need to widen a few doorways and add a ramp into the garage I think."

"I feel so bad for them," she sighed. "I mean, beyond what happened to Edward."

"Why?"

"The hospital bills, the work on the house, and all with college right around the corner…"

I stopped mid-chew. "What do you mean?"

Folding her legs under her, she pulled her bathrobe tighter. "Jasper, just because he's a doctor doesn't mean this won't cost them. Edward will probably lose his scholarship to college, so they will have to use the money they had saved for college and the on top of that, they will have thousands of dollars of medical bills."

"Oh."

"You're father has saved them a lot by doing the work for free, but they've had to purchase a lot of the supplies."

"But doesn't Dr. Cullen have insurance?"

"Sure, but it's not going to cover everything, like the work on the house. Even with Carlisle's income, this is going to hit them hard," she explained. Suddenly losing my appetite, I put the unfinished slice back in the box.

"I'm going to go play WoW," I lied. She nodded and I kissed her goodnight before shuffling up the steps and into my bedroom. I changed into a pair of pajamas and then booted up my computer. Opening a browser, I went to a few sites on SCIs I had bookmarked. Scrolling through one, I click on a link on the side and skimmed the page, stopping to read when I found some estimates.

SCI: Aspects of Specialized Care at the Bronx VAMC, total medical costs for a person with SCI in 2007 averaged about $250,000 per year: renovations to the home cost an average of $20,000; medication and supplies cost an average of $35,000 per year; caregivers cost anywhere from $11,00 to $21,000 per year. Long-term injuries can run to over $30 million.

I felt sick as I closed the browser. Shutting down the computer, I turned off my light and collapsed onto my bed. I knew the Cullens had saved a lot of money by keeping Edward home for rehab, and my father was saving them even more, but there were still Edward's medical supplies and hospital bills. Sighing, I started Edward's playlist and laid my head on my pillow. It might have been too early for bed but my lids were heavy and I couldn't stop them from closing, and I saw Edward's smile and felt his fingers in my hair as I drifted off to sleep.

"What are they?" he asked as he peeked into the container, pulling back the plastic wrap to reveal a few dozen sugar cookies.

"Cookies."

"You made me cookies?"

"Yep."

"What do you want?" he asked me suspiciously.

Laughing, I leaned toward him and kissed him, lips parted, tongue entering and breaths quickening before I pulled away. "Nothing. I just made them for you."

"Thanks." He picked up the first cookie and inspected it, his head tilting, part curious and part habit. He smelled it and furrowed his brows as he took in the unique shape. "Jasper, this kinda looks like a spaceship."

"That's because it is," I replied, flopping onto his bed and grabbing my graphic novel I'd left there a few days before from his bedside table.

"You made me spaceship cookies?" he asked as he brought it to his mouth and bit into the cookie. "Didn't even know such things existed."

I looked up and sighed. "Yeah, well, you've led a sheltered life, but I won't hold it against you." I flipped open my book. "And they're not just spaceship cookies; they are TIE fighters, X-wings, the Falcon and the Space Station."

"Oh, right. Which one did I just eat?" he asked, crumbs spraying from his mouth as he held up the half eaten cookie.

"You just bit the wing off a TIE fighter."

"They're good," he mumbled surprised and then shoved the rest of the cookie into his mouth.

"Sorry they're not decorated, I tried but it was too hard to get all those lines on the frosting."

He looked through the container again. "I don't see any frosted ones," he said sadly.

"Because I ate them."

"What did you do that for?"

"They were mistakes," I replied and looked up to see him pouting. I rolled my eyes. "Fine. Next time, I will give you the frosted ones even if they a mess."

He lay down on his stomach next me, brushing the crumbs off his blanket when he chewed. Keeping the cookies in front of him, he ate one after the other. "You know I don't care if they're a mess, right? You made them for me, that's all that matters."

Turning my head toward him, I leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, baby."

"When did you cook them?"

"Last night. I was bored."

"You could have called me, we could have had phone sex," he teased as he bit into a Space Station.

"Jesus, Edward, you can't say shit like that," I warned him with a soft moan as my cock twitched in my pants. "Gets me hard in like one-point-five parsecs."

"That long, eh? Maybe I need to work harder," he offered, wiggling his eyebrows. Even with the crumbs gathered in the corners of his lips, he was sexy as hell.

"Where are you parents?" I asked, swallowing.

"Dad's at work, Mom went to meet her sister for dinner."

"Alice?"

"Not sure, she mentioned going over to her friend's, but I don't know when she'll be back. Why?"

"I think we should…um…practice," I whispered huskily. At first he looked confused, then his eyes widened as he realized what I was suggesting.

"Now?"

I nodded and closed my graphic novel. "Don't you want to?"

"No. I mean, yeah I do, but right now I just kinda want to hang out with you," he murmured, almost ashamed. He moved his gaze from me to his cookies as he pretended to find just the right one.

"Then let's hang out," I said with a smile. "What do you want to do? Watch a movie?"

Slowly, he brought his eyes back to mine. "You're not mad?"

"No," I scoffed. "Why would I be mad?"

"Because I don't want to do…that," he finished in a whisper, as if someone would hear him.

"Babe, not everything we do has to be about sex, ya know. I love just being with you. Being with you naked is just an added benefit, but it's not why I'm here."

"I love the cookies," he said softly, blushing.

"I love you," I returned.

"I love you too."

"So, what should we do? It's pretty warm out for November, we could go for a run?"

"Or we could pop in a movie and cuddle," he countered.

"Run, then movie?"

"Deal."

The word was barely out of mouth before he was getting off the bed and pulling off his shirt. I licked my lips at the way his muscles rolled under the skin of his back when he bent over to open his drawer.

"Do you have shorts?" he asked me.

"No, I need to borrow a pair."

He tossed a pair at me without looking and they landed on my head. Resisting the urge to whip them back at him, I got off the bed and began to change. He turned around just as I undid my pants and he paused, watching me intently. Knowing his eyes were on me, I stripped teasingly for him, enjoying that he was just as affected by me as I was him. We continued to undress together, our eyes never leaving each other's bodies. Without touching once, we were both half hard by the time we were ready to go.

"Gonna need a cold shower after this," he muttered as we headed for the door. "How far?"

"I haven't run in a few days and you've got practice tomorrow, so how about three miles?" I said, bringing my knee up and holding it to my stomach. Stretching, Edward put his foot on his porch and brought his head down to his leg.

"Sounds good," he said, standing upright and bringing his arms over his head, twisting his upper body side to side. "Ready?"

"You know I'm gonna kick your ass, right?"

"Oh, really? Should we have a friendly wager?"

"Don't we always?" I raised an eyebrow.

It was our competitive nature that made us the athletes we were. While Edward was a team player, he would often pass the ball instead of taking the shot himself, I was more of a loner, preferring individual sports to teams ones. Even in track, you didn't compete against those in the race with you, you competed against the clock.

"The winner gets head first?"

"Rules?"

"We keep pace the first two miles, the last is all out."

"Got it," I said as I finished stretching. ""Just don't choke on my dust, because you're gonna need your throat to suck my cock later."

"Dork," he answered, shaking his head as he broke into an easy gait.

I matched his stride and we fell into a steady rhythm, our feet hitting the pavement at almost the exact same time. Even though Edward was a sprinter, he kept pace with me, his breaths even as he pushed himself. Distance running was in my blood. My dad had been a cross country runner in high school and ran a marathon or two when he was in college.

For me, running was therapeutic and purifying. My mind always cleared as I outran my troubles, focusing only on my breathing, pace and the rhythmic sound of my feet along ground. The only thing that made me feel better than running was being with Edward. The runner's high I got from a jog was just as easily attained by seeing him.

Edward and I talked casually back and forth, even going over the homework that had been assigned for that weekend. We waved to a few neighbors as we passed them and then turned onto Main Street. The cold had reddened both our cheeks and noses, our breaths became heavy as we subconsciously quickened our pace. When the end of the street was in sight, we knew we had hit the two mile mark.

"You're going down, Whitlock," he smirked at his innuendo.

"No fucking way, Cullen," I argued.

Glancing at him with one last smile, I increased my speed. It was easy, simple, the way my legs carried me over the road, never missing a stride, never faltering no matter how much I asked of them. My breaths were slightly labored, my lungs began to burn and my face was numb from the early winter air, but there was no way I was going to slow down. Sweat ran down my face and my curls stuck to the quickly dampening skin. Pumping my arms, I felt my entire body in sync, every muscle working in a joint effort to propel me forward. There was no stopping me as my strides ate up the ground under me. I sensed Edward about a stride behind me and I glanced over my shoulder at him. He winked at me and then with a burst of speed, caught up to me and was once again by my side.

"It's cute, how you won't give up," I teased him.

"Fuck you," he huffed.

I let him keep even with me for about a quarter of a mile. My heart thudded in my chest, the beats fast but steady. Just before I entered my final kick, I looked at Edward.

"Be safe, baby," I said under my breath and then sped up, covering the pavement in long strides. I never looked back but I knew he was behind me. He wasn't struggling by any means, but he'd just didn't have it in him to keep up with me.

"God fucking damn it," he muttered under his breath and I smiled at his frustration.

Maybe another boyfriend would have let him win, but not me. It wasn't who we were. Keeping my eyes in front of me, Edward's house came into view. Ignoring my body's protests, I took a deep breath and increased my pace even more, leaving Edward further behind. Just as I reached his house, I looked behind me and saw Edward about an eight of a mile away. Racing into his house, I took the stairs to his room two by two.

"Alice?" I called out at the top, waiting for a reply. When I didn't get one, I went into his room and peeled off my sweaty shirt. I heard the front door open and close downstairs and couldn't help but grin as I stood there waiting for him. Breathless, he entered his room and closed his door and glared at me.

"Aw, don't be mad, baby. You did really well."

He pulled off his own shirt and tossed it onto the floor. "Someday, when you least expect it, I will kick your ass."

Ignoring him, I pointed down to my crotch. "I believe you owe me. Down, Edward."

Keeping his eyes on me, he dropped to his knees and waited. I moved to him, running my fingers through his sweaty hair as his thumbs hooked under the elastic of my shorts and he lowered them over my ass. My cock was semi-erect just from him kneeling before me but as soon as his fingers gripped it and his tongue swirled around the flared head, I got hard. Holding my cock in his grasp, he ran his nose up its length, inhaling deeply.

"You smell so good," he whispered just before he dipped the end of his tongue into my slit. Just when I couldn't take anymore teasing, he wrapped his lips around me.

"Fuck," I groaned, letting my head fall back while Edward's bobbed up and down my length. My hands never left his hair and I buried my fingers deep into his thick auburn locks when my hips began to gently pump into his mouth. "So good, baby, so fucking good."

Moaning around my cock, he kept one hand on my hip while his other went between his legs to put some pressure on his own erection. Dropping my chin to my chest, I watched him through a lust laden haze, fisting his hair when my cock tapped the back of his throat.

"You're so hot like this, those lips on me while you touch yourself."

He looked up at me and began stroking himself through his shorts. My eyes dropped from his to the motion of his hand and my breaths became short and heavy. He yanked down his shorts just enough to free his engorged erection and I saw his eyes roll back a bit when he gripped himself again. Edward's hand pumped his shaft in time with his mouth on mine.

"So close," I murmured. His hand was a blur as it moved over himself and I saw his hips thrusting into his fist. No matter how many times I'd watched Edward touch himself, it never failed to make me-

"Coming," I grunted, my hips bucking forward before stilling. Edward swallowed around me and then my cock pulsed and emptied down this throat. Moaning, I watched him as I filled his mouth with my cum and my breath caught in my throat when I saw it dribble from the corner of his lips. Releasing me, he licked his lips and bowed his head, concentrating on his own impending climax. Falling to my knees, our sweaty bodies only inches from each other, I grabbed his wrist.

"Let me," I whispered as I removed his hand, replacing it with mine. With a slight nod, he leaned forward and captured my lips with his, the kiss instantly deep and needy with moans as our tongues met. My cock hung between my legs, used and sated and still seeping cum onto the floor. The elastic of my shorts was stretched tight across my thighs, digging into my flesh. With one hand on his cock, I curved my other around his neck, fingering the ends of his hair. Gasping, he broke the kiss and dropped his forehead to my shoulder, watching my hand work his length. His hips thrust forward, fucking my fist eagerly. Strong fingers twisted in my hair, desperately clinging to me.

"Need you," he growled. Ragged breaths washed over my chest and I gripped his hair tightly and lowered my mouth to his ear to give him what he needed.

As I spoke in a low whisper, my tongue darted out to flicker over his earlobe. "You like watching me stroke you, baby? Like seeing my hand around your cock just like I like seeing my cock in your mouth and my cum running down your chin."

Resting my head on his shoulder, I watched my hand, my fingers curved under his cock, my thumb on top, as I stroked up. On the tip of his head was a drop of precum and I swiped my thumb over it to spread it around his velvet flesh. When I heard him grunt and saw his ab muscles tense, I knew he was close.

"Yeah, that's it, baby, come for me, shoot your load," I encouraged. "Wanna see you come so hard."

The words were working as much as my touch was and Edward groaned just as his cock jerked in my hand. A strangled cry escaped through clenched teeth and Edward came, his cock releasing short streams of cum onto my stomach and the floor.

"Fuck, baby," I moaned, stroking him through his orgasm, watching his body as it contracted and relaxed with each wave of his climax that hit him, I licked my lips. My stroke on him slowed, eventually stopping all together but never letting him go.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he sighed. Lifting his head, he wore a lazy, satisfied smile. "Totally fucking worth losing for."

Nodding, I returned his smile. We stayed like that, our foreheads resting together, his cock softening in my grasp as the last of his cum ran over my fingers and onto the floor. Shared breaths mingled between us as we inhaled the scent of sex and sweat.

"Fuck, baby, that felt so good," I sighed happily. "Wanna watch a movie?"

"Yeah, let's clean up." He lifted his head and stood. Looking down at me, he held out his hand and I took it, letting him pull me up. Bolting across the hall to the bathroom, we took off our shorts and wiped ourselves off with a damp towel before redressing and going back to his room. Edward wiped up the mess on the floor, then put a movie in this DVD player and joined me on his bed. I leaned back against the head board while Edward lay next to me, his head resting on my thigh. As the movie started, my hands found his hair, threading through the satiny pieces over and over until he was purring against me.

"Jas?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you be upset if I told you I was scared of practicing?" He kept his attention on the television.

"No, of course not. I'm scared too."

He lifted his head and looked at me. Stilling my hands in his hair, I waited for him.

"You are?"

"Yes, but we can be scared together."

"Thanks, Jas." He put his head back on my lap, laughing at whatever was happening in the movie.

I don't even know what we watched, but it didn't matter. He was with me and I was with him. It never mattered what we did, whether we were running, giving head or watching a movie, as long as we were together.

"Someday I'm going to beat you, Jasper," he mumbled randomly.

"I'll be waiting," I chuckled. "But until then, I like getting my blowjob first."

My alarm went off earlier than I was ready to be awake and I hit snooze, rolling over onto my stomach and burying my face back into my pillows. It wasn't until I heard the pounding on my door that I actually opened my eyes.

"What?" I said, my voice muffled by the pillows. I must have kicked the blanket off because I could feel the cool air creeping along my back.

"I have to work a double shift today, what are your plans?" My mother opened the door and stepped inside.

As if she didn't already know.

"Edward's," I replied.

"You're father wants to know if you want to meet him for dinner?"

"Sure, I'll call him when I leave Edward's."

"I'll let him know. Tell Esme and Edward I said hi," she said as she closed the door.

I nodded into my pillow and closed my eyes again. It was over an hour later before I dragged my ass out of bed, took a shower and ate a Fluff sandwich for lunch. I had barely finished the last bite before I was out the door with my backpack on. At the end of my driveway, I started to jog, my pace increasing the closer I got to Edward's.

Mrs. Cullen answered the door and let me inside. After telling her my mother said hi, I headed down the hall to Edward's room and found Alice coming toward me. I could see it in the way she looked at me, she knew.

It wasn't just that she had caught us wrapped up in each other but she knew for certain that Edward and I were more than friends. Before I could avert my eyes, she grinned at me and then winked.

Fucking winked, like all knowing and shit.

Too stunned to respond, I stood at Edward's door as she passed me. I watched her as she turned into the kitchen and then took a deep breath as I opened Edward's door without knocking.

She was there, sitting in front of him on the edge of his bed, and a hand in his lap while her head was burrowed into his neck. My eyes went to his hand on her back, slowly moving up and down. I caught myself before letting the endearment slip and I cringed internally seeing them so comfortable. Immediately, Bella sat back, but kept her hand on Edward's. I wanted to leave, I wanted to hide the jealousy I knew that had flared in my eyes, but it was too late. Edward had seen it and stopped me.

I argued with him, but Bella stood up and said she was leaving. Then she did something I'd longed to do in front of someone else. She leaned down and kissed Edward.

On the lips.

It was brief, a kiss between friends, but it was still a kiss.

Keeping my chin down, I tried not to watch them but found myself looking at them through my lashes. Finally, Bella left and I closed the door behind her.

Then it was my turn with my boy.

I sat down on his bed, right where she had been, and smiled at him. Reaching up, I ran a finger down his cheek and over his lips, right where she had been. Then I kissed him. Soft and quick, but enough to taste her on him. Scowling, I pulled away, disgusted by the sickly sweet taste of her on his lips.

Then he laughed.

He laughed so hard and so real and so honest that it made me cry.

I had no idea what he was laughing at but it didn't fucking matter. I hadn't heard Edward laugh since New Year's Eve, and the sound was more beautiful than any Beatles song, or even Edward's compositions. After he told me it was me, and had always been me, I wanted to kiss him again, but I resisted, instead, asking him about his visit with Bella and telling him about Alice winking at me.

Then he laughed again.

It sounded just as beautiful as it had before.

"She told me she has a crush on you."

My eyes grew wide and I jumped back from him in shock. "What? She has a what…wait, what? Are you serious?" I stuttered.

Apparently he was.

After telling me about his talk with Alice, how she had suspected there was something between Edward and me for awhile because of some looks, he told me she asked if he was gay.

I had always known I was, well, at least since a guy had made me hard, but Edward had gotten to the same place via a different route. While my path had been easy and clear, Edward's way had been complicated by a girl that he cared about. Before Edward, I had never kissed anyone, much less touch another's cock, but he'd been physical with Bella and had even enjoyed it. I could understand why he would question his sexuality, but whether he was gay or bisexual made no difference to me.

"I told her I think I am, but that I knew I loved you."

I tried hard not to smile, to let him know how much him admitting that to someone else made me happy, but he knew anyway. Then I frowned when I realized that because one person knew, the odds of others finding out were higher. I thought maybe it was better to go on the offensive than the defensive and tell them before they found out some other way. Edward's eyes grew dark at my suggestion, worry clouding the forest green as he shook his head and adamantly refused.

"Not after this," he began, motioning to his legs. "It's bad enough that I'm going to be the freak in a wheelchair, I don't need to be the queer in the wheelchair too."

There was a hard edge to his voice, one that I had grown accustomed to over the past month and I needed to soothe his anger before it festered. Pushing myself forward, I glanced over my shoulder to make sure the door was tightly closed before taking his hands in mine. I smiled at him, letting him know it was okay, we were okay, and that no matter what he decided to, I would follow his wishes.

While I told him I understood why he wanted to wait, I also knew I could stand by his side everyday for the rest of our lives and I would never understand what it felt like to be in his position, to have had the ability to walk violently and suddenly taken away. The least I could do for him was agree to support his decision in coming out. I had just gotten him back into my life, our relationship holding together by the thread of our past, I wasn't going to force him into doing something he felt so strongly against. Graduation wasn't that far away, I could easily make it another six months if it was what he wanted.

"Babe, when do you think I'll hear back from U of W? What if I don't get in?"

"Probably early March. I don't know if I'll get in now, they might revoke more than my scholarship. They're not going to want me if I can't play basketball for them."

For as long as I known Edward it had been his dream to go to the University of Washington and play basketball and study music. His dream had been fulfilled when he had been scouted by the school and following some interviews and try outs, they offered him a full scholarship. Then our future together depended on me being accepted into the school with him.

What if I wasn't? What if they said no and I was forced to attend another college? How would I make it through four years of seeing Edward only during summers and breaks? I had been so worried about it that I had applied to four other schools in Seattle without telling Edward. At least if I didn't get into University of Washington, I might be able to stay nearby. It had been with trembling hands that I had submitted my applications, praying that at least one of the schools would keep me in the same city as Edward.

Sitting before me, he felt my worry, my doubt on being good enough and he pushed my hair off my face so I couldn't hide behind it anymore. Using his superhero power in knowing the right thing to say, he told me he wasn't going anywhere without me and my heart calmed.

He meant it, and not only in the literal sense.

After drawing in long breaths of each other, we finally parted. I teased him and he called me an ass. With a natural ease, I flirted back and just like that, we had fallen back into the way we were. It wasn't the exact same, and it never would be again, but we could make a new us, as long as he willing to try.

Edward maneuvered to his pile of books on his floor and he bent over, his fingers stretching to reach his history book. Keeping my head down, I watched him from behind my waves as he struggled to reach it. I heard him grunt and swear and sigh in frustration.

And I let him do it.

Because that was what love was.

I had thought I had known what love was the second I had seen Edward that first day. Then I thought I knew what it was when I had kissed him for the first time. Then again when we had lay naked for the first time and the words slipped so effortlessly from our lips to each other.

I love you.

It was so much more than a word, and I knew that now.

Now I knew that love was watching someone try and fail and pick themselves up just so they can try again. And I would stand by him while he did all those things, never more than a glance away if he really needed help. It wasn't until Edward's accident and I was faced with the possibility of losing him that I really understood what it meant to truly love someone.

Really love them.

It was not running away when you were scared.

It was not letting them push you away no matter how hard they tried.

It was standing proudly by them even when they couldn't.

It was knowing when to reach out and help and when to just stand by and watch.

It was Edward and me.

No matter how many times I told him, I knew Edward expected me to get up and walk away any moment. Deep down, I knew he was preparing himself for a day that would never come.

I would never leave him.

He thought I wasn't getting anything out of our relationship, but I was. I was getting him, and that was more than I could ever want.

When Dr. Cullen came in a few hours later, I was on Edward's bed, my head bobbing to "Real Love". I nodded to him, then turned away hoping he wouldn't see the blush on my cheeks when I remembered what had happened after taking Edward to the meadow. I think I held my breath the entire time he was in the room, only releasing it when he closed the door behind him. We studied for about another half hour before I had to leave to meet my dad. I packed up my stuff and then without asking, I leaned forward and brushed my lips twice over Edward's before pulling away.

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

I turned for the door and grabbed the knob. Gripping it, the words fell from my mouth.

"Be safe, baby."

I tensed, gnawing on my bottom lips while I waited, hoped, to hear the words.

"See ya soon, love," he whispered just loud enough for me to hear.

My shoulders fell and I gasped and then smiled before opening the door and walking out.

Love was saying what you needed to say.

It was telling the other person what they wanted to hear.

"Jasper, can I see you for a minute?" Dr. Cullen called out from the living room as I walked down the hallway.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath before pasting a smile on my face and turning into the room. "Sir?"

"Come sit down for a minute," he said, pointing to the chair across from him. He sipped on his coffee as I sat down. "How are you doing? Everything okay?"

"Yes, sir," I nodded, shifting my weight. He returned my nod as he pulled the mug from his mouth and motioned to my hand.

"I've seen that on you a few times now. It must be important to you."

I looked down at my left hand and saw the cuff of my sweatshirt had ridden up, exposing the leather braid around my wrist. Pulling my cuff down to cover it, I felt my cheeks heat up and I nodded.

"It was a gift," I mumbled.

He let my reply sit in the air for a few fucking long seconds before speaking again. Resting against the back of the chair with his mug in his hand, he began again. "I know how badly Edward wants to go back to school on Monday, and Esme and I are happy he wants to get out of the house, but we still have concerns."

"Concerns?"

"Jasper, most people in his situation go through months of rehab before they attempt something like what he wants to do. We're at an advantage because I'm a doctor and have access to things the average patient wouldn't, but Edward is still behind where he should be for returning to school."

"But he's getting stronger," I argued.

"Yes, and because the location of his injury, he has full use of his arms and hands, which helps tremendously, but he still lacks a lot of coordination in the chair. Then there is the strain of being back at school can have on his body, to say nothing of his mind."

"Like?"

"He's going to be stressed, whether he acknowledges it or not. This stress will make him tire quicker, make him think less clearly. If he gets tired here he can lie down, but there he will have to go through six hours of classes and teachers and kids without a break."

"What can I do?"

Dr. Cullen smiled, as if he knew that was what I was going to say. "I'm glad you asked, because I was going to ask you a favor."

"A favor?"

"You see him through most of the day, right?"

"Yeah, we have four classes and lunch together."

"Stay with him, by his side, keep an eye on him," he requested.

For the rest of my life.

"What should I look for?"

He took another sip of his coffee. "Signs of physical fatigue, like unable to keep his eyes open, excessively slow movement, slurred speech. Mental fatigue too, like outbursts of anger or…crying."

Hell, he did all those things every day.

"What do I do if I notice something?"

"Get him home."

He was trusting me with his son.

I wanted to smile.

I wanted to burst.

"Also, make sure he goes to the bathroom. I think he's going to be so preoccupied with all the people and getting to classes on time that he'll forget."

I could do that.

"Okay. Anything else?"

"Make sure he eats at lunch, preferably something healthy, and drinks plenty of water. Esme talked to Mr. Bradshaw and he told her there will be an empty desk in the front row of each room for Edward to sit at, although I don't know how they are going to deal with labs in science yet. They are also giving him extra time to get to his classes." He sighed a bit before continuing. "I don't know if he is ready for this, Jasper, but I know he needs to try. I can't be there for him, so I need you to be there instead."

"I will be, I promise."

Forever.

"I'm trusting you with my boy, Jasper," he said quietly, his eyes on his mug of coffee.

"I know, sir. I'll take care of him," I vowed just as quietly. Lifting his head, he smiled at me.

"I know he can do this, but that doesn't mean I don't worry about him."

"I know."

"Thank you, Jasper. You're a good friend to him."

"He's a good friend to me too."

I love him.

"I know he is."

After a few seconds of silence, I stood up and slung my bag on my shoulder. I turned and headed for the door. When I reached it, I turned to face him.

"I won't let you down. I'll take care of him."

"I know you will," he nodded. I opened the door and left, breaking in a slow jog before the end of the driveway.

I smiled all the way home.

"**~~**"

I told him he could do it.

I knew he could. I also knew it wouldn't be easy.

There was fear in his voice as we sat in the cab of the truck, our hands gripping each other's on the seat between us while "Let It Be" played softly on the CD player. I watched him as he stared out the window at the other kids. They were all walking and jumping and dancing and running.

Things that Edward might never do again, at least not in the same way.

With one final squeeze, I let him go and got out, getting his chair from the bed of the truck on my way to his side. After I lifted him into the chair, he adjusted himself and I handed him his backpack. We turned toward the entrance and without looking, I felt their eyes on us, on him.

Edward felt them too.

"They're all staring at me."

"Maybe they're just glad to see you," I said, hoping he'd believe me.

I knew they were curious, after all Edward was the first student in a wheelchair at Forks in many years. Suddenly the boy who had been known for his skill on a basketball court couldn't even stand. We reached the entrance and I walked up the ramp to get the door for Edward, slightly angered when I didn't see a wheelchair button. I knew how difficult getting through some doors could be for him and those buttons made it much easier. His parents were waiting by the office and I left Edward with them. I could hear the worry in his voice even though he tried to hide it, and as much as I wanted to lean down and hold him, I just smiled and told him I'd meet him in English. Turning, I went down the hall, pausing at the corner to look back at him.

He was staring at me, the hope in his eyes fading with each step that put me further from him.

"You can do it," I mouthed, then winked and ran to class.

Skidding to a stop at our English class, I got through the door just as the bell rang and spotted Edward's empty desk in the front row. Relieved to find the one next to it empty, I sat down and took out my book.

Mrs. Goddard was writing on the whiteboard. "Cutting it close, Jasper," she said without turning around.

"Yes, ma'am."

We were just starting to review the reading from the night before when the door opened and Edward fumbled his way inside. The fear that had been in his voice earlier was now in his eyes. I knew everyone was staring at him as he pushed himself toward his desk. I kept my eyes straight ahead, and beside me, I felt him relax and I smiled.

Having him next to me again felt almost normal.

At the end of class, the kids approached Edward, some tossing out questions like he was a lab experiment, others watching him from a safe distance. Stuffing my books into my bag, I stood up.

"Ready?"

The rest of our morning classes went relatively smoothly. Even with the crowded hallways, we made it to all of our classes on time. I didn't even mind Bella stopping us in the hall, or walking between Edward and me on the way to calculus because Edward needed all the support he could get. While I was proud to walk with Edward in the corridors and sit next to him in class, I also felt protective. If I heard kids whispering behind us, I would talk to Edward, drowning out their voices before he could hear them. If I saw someone looking oddly at him in the hallway, I would do something to keep his focus on me and not them.

It worked.

Until we were separated.

I stared at him as he left after physics to go to music appreciation and my heart raced in my chest. I headed for WWII history, watching his back as he pushed himself down the hall with his backpack on his lap. Entering my class, I sat in the back, spreading my legs out before me when I sank into the chair. The other students filed in and took their seats, some nodding to me, others ignoring me all together. Except for one.

Fucking Newton.

He fell into the chair next to me and shook his hair out of his eyes before looking at me.

"So he's back, huh?"

"Yep."

"That's cool. I saw him in the hall, pretty fucking weird to see him all crippled like that. He used to be a cool guy," he finished with a sigh.

My pencil snapped in two when I crushed it between my thumb and forefinger.

He didn't even notice.

My jaw clenched as I tried to keep my mouth shut.

He didn't even notice.

"I feel bad for him, ya know? What kind of shitty future is he going to have?"

Exhaling slowly, I closed my eyes and imagined Edward's smile instead of my hand hitting Newton's nose.

"Newton?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut the fuck up about stuff you don't know shit about."

He leaned back, shocked at my calm, but angry outburst. "Calm down, man, I was just curious."

Glancing at him, I spoke again, somewhat apologetically. "He's still the same guy, nothing has changed except he can't walk. That's it."

"Okay," he finally replied quietly. Turning away, I reached into my bag for another pencil. I had a feeling I was going to need a lot of them to get through the day. Newton eyed me warily before finally turning his attention to Mr. Beatty.

We were just about to read a chapter for the test the next day when there was a quiet knock on the door. Lifting my eyes from my book, they landed right on his and my heart stopped. I grabbed my bag and stared shoving my things into it.

He needed me.

"Where ya going?" Newton asked as I stood up.

"None of your fucking business," I mumbled as I walked by him and up the aisle toward the door.

"I gotta go, Mr. Beatty," I said as I pushed past him to get to my boy. He was slumped over in his chair, trying to hide his face as the tears streamed down his cheeks and fell onto his backpack.

"Mr. Whitlock, you need to come back in here right now."

Ignoring him, I kneeled in front of Edward. "You okay? Are you hurt?"

Sobs erupted from him, his upper body shaking and trembling.

"Mr. Whitlock?"

"I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Beatty."

As soon as I heard the door click closed, I looked at Edward. "Baby, what's wrong?"

My hands were on him, skimming up his arms to his face. I lifted his chin and ignoring the tears, checked him over for an injury. I checked his pupils, his color and then casually put my finger on his wrist to feel his racing pulse.

"Get me out of here, please," he gasped.

Anything. Anything for him.

I pushed him out of the school as fast as I could without running and got him to the truck. Once he was inside and his chair was in the back, I got in.

"Baby, tell me what happened?"

"Just take me home," he sighed, looking out the window. I reached for his hand and saw him flinch. Lifting them, I found several blisters beginning to form all over his palms.

"Jesus," I mumbled. I pulled out of the parking lot, listening to Edward cry all the way to his house. I pulled into his driveway and got his chair out. When I lifted him from the truck, he clung to me, his face buried in my neck. I wanted to do so much for him, I wanted to apologize for not being there, I wanted to hold him right back, I wanted to whisper that I loved him.

I wanted all those and more.

Yet all I managed was telling him it was okay when we both fucking knew it wasn't. I was about to try to make it all go away by telling him I loved him when I felt something wet on my stomach. The rain was lightly falling and I was standing in a puddle, but this was different, like a water bottle was leaking on me.

Or Edward was.

As soon as he realized what it was, his darkness returned like a clap of thunder, loud and powerful and intimidating. He snapped at me and wanted me to put him down. I followed him into the house and down the hall, the entire time trying to let him know it was no big deal and offering to help.

"You want to clean up my piss?" he snarled.

"You would do it for me," I shrugged.

He would too. He knew it.

I wasn't really sure how it happened, but somehow we were naked and I was carrying him to the shower. It was only a few steps but he felt so good, so warm and familiar against me. The heat poured from him as I held him tight when he leaned down and opened the shower door for us. After I sat him on the chair, I entered and closed the door.

I washed his hair and he let me, moaning, actually fucking moaning, when I massaged his scalp. His tired body relaxed under my touch and I felt him shiver, his skin covered in goose bumps. Then he told me what happened, what the fucking assholes in his class had said and my heart shattered right there onto the shower floor. All I had wanted to do was protect him but I had left him alone in a class and I had forgotten to remind him to use the bathroom.

I had failed him.

I let him finish his rant, he needed nothing more than to get it off his chest and I began to wash his body, reveling in the fact that he let me. He was letting me help him. Trying to look at things less emotionally and more factually, I began to break down his problems, to see how they could be solved one by one. Sometimes there was nothing fucking scarier than the big picture, but when it was broken down into pieces, it wasn't nearly as overwhelming. Kind of like in WoW when you're facing a new instance with a pug group only to realize that everyone actually knows what they are doing. We just had to take one battle at a time.

Continuing to wash him as we talked, I came to the one spot left. Glancing up at him for permission, I held his cock and squeezed soap onto it before lathering it up with my hand. It had been too long since I'd felt him like that, too long since we'd touched in an intimate way. Wanting to focus on something other than his cock in my hand, I kept the conversation going.

"Okay, now the assholes in your class. There isn't much we can do about them other than ignore them, but I do have an idea."

"Jasper, no, don't do anything stupid."

"Who me? Stupid? Never," I smirked, trying to alleviate his worry. "Anything else?"

"My hands hurt," he whispered. I lifted his hands and kissed them.

"I'll take care of these too."

"How?"

I have no idea.

"You'll see."

"Mr. Beatty is going to be pissed at you for leaving without reason."

"I had a reason."

"He'll still be mad. Maybe give you a detention."

"I don't care," I shrugged. His fingers were at my wrist, tracing the braided leather.

"Do you always wear it in the shower?"

"I never take it off," I assured him.

Then he said it. He was tired. Over the past few weeks, Edward had gradually admitted his fears to me, one by one they had invaded his thoughts, haunting his will to reclaim his life. It wasn't until he expressed them all, that he admitted them to himself, that he was going to be able to face them. If he didn't, his fears were going to control his life.

It was okay to be scared.

I was scared too. A fucking lot, but I felt much stronger with him by my side.

Laying my head in his lap, my hands on his hips, I offered what little comfort I could. I realized that as much as I wanted to take it all away from him, protect him from all the bad shit out there, I wasn't going to be able to. All I could do was be there to help him back up and dust him off, and I told him that.

"How can you always be so fucking sure?" he sighed, his fingers finding their way into my wet hair.

Lifting my head, I looked up at him and answered simply, "Because I have you."

His bottom lip quivered and I laid my head back on his lap so he could cry without me watching. I felt his body slump forward, one arm wrapped around me while his other hand stayed in my hair and he rested on top of me. My own tears traveled down my cheeks and onto his thigh. We gasped, sobbed and clung to each other's damp bodies. Willing what strength I had to him, I held him.

Slowly his breaths even out. I swear I felt his soul rebuilding itself inside his broken body, scratching and clawing for the light it remembered from a month before. I knew he had it in him, the resiliency that he was going to need. It was there, deep and hidden and waiting to be discovered, he just needed to look hard enough.

I don't know if I heard his soft voice first or felt his lips moving against my head, but it didn't matter.

It was what he sang that mattered.

"When I find myself in times of trouble, my beautiful comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness you are standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be."

He just needed to let it be.

Suddenly, his warmth was gone and he was sitting up, tugging on my hair until I lifted my head. Water from the shower ran down my face, mixing with the tears that flowed so freely and unashamedly.

"We can do this," he whispered.

We.

I smiled.

"I just need to figure out who I am in the chair and I need to be that person, not who I was before. There's no use trying to be him because he doesn't exist. Not like he used to. I need to discover this new life."

He wouldn't be the same person he was before, but he would still be him and he was realizing that now. My body shook at his words, at the fear and excitement they brought. Excitement that he was ready to claim his new life, and fear that his new life might be without me.

"Does that include me?" I asked quietly. Did he know I would do anything for him, that I would do it all again and again to keep him in my life?

I would go to hell and back for him, with him, if I had to.

"Yes," he finally whispered.

Grinning, I began crying again. Only they weren't tears of worry, they were tears of hope.

My boy was going to fight.

And he was going to win.

Staring at me, I saw his eyes had eyes cleared of the storm and filled with determination. I could see and feel the love even if he didn't say the words.

There had been some dark days, some days where I thought all might be lost, and the only thing that had kept me coming back to him over and over again was the glimmer of hope that this moment might happen. That he might feel it to.

There was so much to say.

We were silent.

We were naked and wet in his shower but all I could think of was how much I loved him. His fingers constantly brushed the hair out of my eyes and mine rhythmically stroked his hip. Lips murmured words of wisdom and phrases of apology as we sat and held each other. Our eyes never moved from one another as the water continued to spray down on us until it ran cold. It was hitting my back, covering me in sheets of frigid water and I began to shiver, the chill traveling right down my spine.

"You're shivering," he whispered.

I shook my head. "I'm okay."

I didn't want to leave the shower. I didn't want to risk things changing outside the frosted glass door.

Moving his hand to my back, he felt my rapidly cooling skin. "You're cold. We need to get out of here."

"No," I growled, putting my head back in his lap. "I want to stay here."

"Why?" he asked in a hushed voice. Sighing, I lifted my head again.

"Because I'm afraid that it won't be the same out there."

Tilting his head, he gazed down at me and smiled. "It won't change, I promise."

"Promise?"

"Jasper, I swear, I'm here with you. Trust me," he vowed.

I studied him for a long moment before kissing the top of his thigh and standing up. I turned the water off, then opened the door and got us each a towel. I dried off right outside the shower while he sat on the shower chair, running the towel over his body. His movements weren't efficient, but they got the job done. I put my foot on the toilet to dry my leg.

I barely heard the snap of the towel just before it made contact with my ass, and it fucking hurt.

"Jesus," I yelped and jumped forward. I turned around to find Edward laughing, twisting the towel up for another smack.

"I still got it," he grinned.

Yeah, you do, baby.

Rubbing my hand over my ass, I glared at him. "Fucking hurt."

"Aw," he mocked, a slight mischievous flare in his eyes. Standing just outside the shower, I started twisting my own damp towel.

"Ya know, don't think that because you're in a wheelchair that payback ain't still a bitch," I chuckled as I wound it tighter.

"You wouldn't," he challenged.

"Oh, baby, yeah, I would," I returned, wiggling my eyebrows.

"You would pick on the handicapped?" he teased.

"Nope, but I would pick on you," I said just as I whipped the towel back and let it loose. The end of it hit the side of his thigh before retreating back to my hands. He didn't move or wince or even fucking flinch. He just looked down at the red mark on his leg and then looked up and me and started laughing.

"Fuck," I groaned.

"Do it again," he encouraged. I did as he asked, hitting him in about the same spot, and again, no reaction except laughter. "What was that you were saying about payback?"

Throwing my towel on the floor, I smiled. "Fuck off. If you're not nice to me, I'll leave you in here," I said even as I went in to lift him from the chair. He was still laughing when I carried him to his room and sat him on his bed. Lying back, he propped himself up on his elbows and gazed at me.

"Want me to kiss it and make it better," he joked, nodding toward my ass.

Licking my lips at his suggestive comment, I couldn't help but let my eyes skim appreciatively over his body. Muscles were still firm and defined, his skin still velvet and pale, and his cock lay framed in his brown curls between his legs. The air between us hummed with a current of energy, and even if he was paralyzed, I knew he felt it because his eyes slowly wandered from my head down my chest and abs to rest on my cock.

It twitched under the weight of his gaze.

"Edward," I murmured reverently, wanting permission to touch him.

To be touched.

Ragged breaths were all I heard as he stared at me and me at him. His eyes traveled back up my body, leaving goose bumps in their wake, and when they stopped at mine, I saw his lust beginning to flourish.

"C'mere," he said, lifting his hand toward me.

Tentatively, I took a step toward him, my knees brushing his as I bent over and put a hand on his bed beside his hip. Hovering over him, I placed my other hand by his shoulder. Watching my lips, his fingers ran up my arm and across my shoulder to my neck, where he curved around it and pulled me toward him. I could feel his shallow breaths just as our lips were about to touch.

The front door slammed and I bolted back from the bed, my eyes wide with panic.

"I'm home, boys, stop making out," she yelled from the living room.

"Shit!" I growled. My clothes were on the floor, still wet and reeking of urine. Amused, Edward watched me dart around the room, finally kneeling in front of his dresser to get a pair of sweatpants. Standing, I shoved one foot in and almost fell on my ass when I put in the other foot.

"Fucking God damn it," I cursed as I slid the elastic over my hips. Pausing, I heard her moving around the kitchen.

"I know you're here, Jasper, I saw your truck."

"Fuck," I gulped.

Edward lay on his bed.

Still completely naked.

"You're not dressed," I huffed as I looked through his dirty laundry for a shirt, settling on Abbey Road. When I pulled it on over my head, I looked at Edward. "You think because she knows, you can lie around naked when I'm here?"

His eyes had watched me move around his room the entire time, a slight smile on his face. "I can't reach my chair to get to my clothes, and besides, it takes me a half an hour to dress anyway, she's going t be in here by then. But above all that, I like watching you panic. It's entertaining."

"Entertaining?" I scoffed and he nodded.

"Very."

Rolling my eyes, I tossed him a pair of sweatpants and then helped him pull them to his thighs. Rolling to his side, he began tugging them up over his ass.

The footsteps in the hall got closer.

"Boys?" She stopped outside Edward's door and I jumped when it opened before slamming it closed in her face.

"Jesus, Jasper, it's not like I didn't warn you I was here," she complained. As soon as Edward's dick was covered, I opened the door. She looked up at me, tilting her head and tapping her foot.

"Sorry, the wind blew it shut," I said, shifting my weight back and forth.

"Through a closed window?" Ignoring me, she looked at Edward. "Mom called me and said you came home. She wanted me to check on you when I got here. So, I'm checking on you."

"Thanks, I'm fine," Edward said, pushing himself upright.

"Why'd you leave school?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"Just a really shitty day," Edward replied. She accepted his answer and moved to me, holding the door open in Edward's tee shirt and sweatpants.

"That's Edward's favorite shirt," she said, then turned to Edward. "Wow, it must be love if you're letting him wear tha-wait," she turned back to me, "why are you wearing Edward's clothes?" I went to reply her, but she put a hand up. "Wait, don't answer that, I don't think I want to know. I'm just gonna go upstairs, but remember these walls are thin. I hear things….oh, and mom said she would be home within the hour. Just warning you."

Without anything further, she left and I closed the door behind her.

"That was weird."

"Tell me about it," he sighed. "I can't decide if I like her knowing or not."

Edward was still propped up on his elbows when I sat next to him on the edge of the bed and took his hand into my, palm up so I could examine the blisters.

"They look a little better."

"They feel okay," he shrugged. "Hey, Jasper?"

"Yeah?" I turned his hand over, pretending to look it over more thoroughly but actually just enjoying the feeling of his hand in mine.

"Kiss me."

My eyes jumped to his, to ask what my lips couldn't.

Are you sure?

"Yes," he whispered.

Tangling our fingers together, I put my other hand over his heart and then leaned down and gently kissed him. His lips were soft as they moved against mine. When I felt his hand in my hair, fingering the curls before tightening in a fist around them, I moaned and parted my lips, inviting him in. When he accepted, when his tongue entered my mouth and touched mine for the first time in over a month, my heart pounded.

He tasted so fucking good, cinnamon and mint and fresh.

Lowering his head to his bed, he encouraged me to follow by tugging on my hair. Then he angled his head and deepened the kiss further. My thumb caressed the soft skin of his chest, my fingers wandering to his nipple. Habitually, I tweaked it between my thumb and index finger and he groaned.

Pretty fucking loudly.

Edward has always enjoyed his nipples being sucked, tweaked, pinched, but his reaction then was more intense than ever before. Our lips parted and met repeatedly, our tongues flickering out to meet in the middle before chasing the other into a mouth. Curious, I pinched his nipple again, pleased when his loud groan was accompanied by a slight arching of his back. Pulling away, I watched him as I did it again.

Without my lips to muffle the sound, his throaty moan was long and unbroken, escaping through swollen lips. He lifted his back off the bed, pressing his shoulders into the mattress, his body seeking out more of my touch. There was deep flush to his cheeks and his eyes were half closed, his lids heavy from the increasing desire. Smiling down at him, I released his nipple and kissed him again and again. There was only one way to describe what we were doing.

We were making out.

Long minutes turned into almost thirty of us laying just like that, never going further, but enjoying the intimacy we were rediscovering. My cock had begun to grow in the sweatpants, but never hardened completely, but that didn't mean my desire for him had waned. I wanted nothing more than to let my hands wander his half naked body, or see if he would react the same way to my mouth on his nipple as he did my fingers, but I didn't do any of those things.

We simply kissed, tongue fucking the hell out of each other.

Breathless, I broke away and dropped my forehead to his chest, purring when I felt his fingers carding through my hair. I hoped he wouldn't feel it fall onto his skin, but he did and was immediately lifting my head to see if there were more. Furrowing his brows, he saw the next one roll down my cheek.

"They're happy ones," I sniffled.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. For all the shit I said ove-"

"No, don't apologize. You don't need to, I don't want it," I said, shaking my head.

"I hurt you."

"And I hurt you."

"No. You saved me," he whispered, a tear of his own falling from the corner of his eye and down the side of his face toward his ear. Leaning down, I kissed it away and left my lips at his ear.

"And you saved me right back," I murmured. Taking a deep breath, he nodded and I lifted my head. "No more tears, baby." I wiped his away with my thumb.

"I can't promise that."

"Me either," I agreed. "How about no more tonight?"

"That I might be able to do."

"Will your mom think it's strange I'm in your clothes?"

"Nah, she won't notice."

"Want to watch a movie and do homework?"

Smiling he nodded and I got off the bed so he could move himself around. I went over to his DVDs and chose one.

"My bag is in the truck," he said as he pushed himself up to the pillows, dragging his legs behind him.

"I'll get it. Got to get mine too." Putting my sneakers on, I went outside and grabbed our bags from the cab, bringing them back to his room.

"Want something to drink?" I asked as I put his bag on the bed within his reach.

"Yeah, and mom baked sugar cookies yesterday."

"Star Wars shapes?"

"Sorry, love, just circles."

"Boring," I called out as I left the room to get some sodas and cookies. When I returned, the movie had started and we sat on his bed and began to work.

It was just like it always was.

Except Edward couldn't walk.

We hadn't been working long before we heard the front door close and his mother call out.

"Down here," Edward replied, never taking his eyes off the book on his lap. I was lying next to him, facing the opposite direction, when his mother knocked once and then opened the door.

"Everything okay? How are you feeling?" She walked over to him and put the back of her hand on his forehead.

"I'm fine, just doing some homework."

"I'll call Mr. Bradshaw in the morning and tell him you won't be in until next week."

Edward's eyes shot to hers. "What?"

"I'll just explain it was too soon and you're not quite ready yet. You can try again next Monday."

"NO!" Edward roared and I jumped. "I'm going back tomorrow."

"Ed-"

"I'm going back tomorrow," he repeated firmly. I kept my eyes on my notebook, but I felt the tension between them.

"I'll talk to your father," she finally said after a long minute of silence.

"Fine, but I'm going."

She ignored his defiance. "Dinner will be ready around five. Are you joining us, Jasper?"

"No, thanks. I've got an errand to run," I answered, looking up from my homework.

"Okay then. I'll call when it's ready," she said to Edward. She shut the door and Edward slammed his book closed.

"God damn it, I'm not a little kid," he growled. Closing my own book, I sat up and faced him.

I was amazed at how much the fight in him had grown in just a matter of hours. It was good, he was going to need it. Reaching out, I covered his hand on his thigh. Staring at him, I squeezed his hand. He read my unasked question and sighed softly.

"Yes, I'm sure, Jasper. I need to, I can't let them win. I can't let the chair win," he told me quietly.

"I know, baby."

"You're the only one that does," he scoffed.

"They know, they're just worried about you."

"Yeah, I get that. I am too, but Jesus, let me try." He sighed and closed his eyes. "I don't know what I would do without you, Jasper."

"You will never have to find out," I assured him.

"Thanks," he tried to smile. "You can't stay for dinner?"

"I gotta get the truck home but if you want me to run back, I will."

"No, that's okay. Can you drive me to school tomorrow?"

"I'll ask and let you know. Can I wear these clothes home?" I had to smile when I saw his worry as he looked at the tee shirt. "I promise to take care of it."

He nodded slowly, reluctantly agreeing.

"I gotta go, it's getting late." I packed my bag and put my sneakers on before sitting on the edge of his bed. "I'll call you about school."

"Okay," he said sadly.

"What's wrong?"

He reached for my hand and took it. "I don't want you to leave."

"I'll see you tomorrow morning. If I can't drive us, I'll meet you in the parking lot." I glanced at his closed door. "Can I kiss you again, because I really liked doing that earlier."

"Me too," he almost blushed. I leaned toward him and brushed my lips over his, feeling my heart halt and hearing his breath hitch just as we made contact. Not wanting to risk getting caught, I sat back.

"I'll call you in awhile." I stood and grabbed my bag. "Be safe, baby."

His head turned to the side as he watched me leave. "See ya soon, love," he whispered. With one last smile, I opened his door and left.

"Jasper, can you come here for a minute," his mother asked as I walked by the kitchen. "How was he today? Do you know what happened?"

"He was fine until music class, then he heard some kids saying some shi-" I stopped myself before I swore, "stuff and it upset him. He asked me to bring him home so I did." I purposely neglected to tell her about him forgetting to use the bathroom. Some things she didn't need to know.

"Thank you," was all she said.

"Anytime." I turned to leave but stopped. "I'll take care of those kids in his music class."

"Jasper," she warned but I was walking away.

"Bye, Mrs. Cullen."

I got in the truck and checked the time while it was warming up. There was still an hour before they closed. Shifting into reverse, I backed out and headed to the store.

"Good evening," he said without looking up as soon as the doorbell rang when I entered.

"Hey," I said, walking over the counter where he stood reading a sports magazine. When he finally looked up and realized it was me, he couldn't hide his surprise.

"Hey," Newton replied slowly.

"Um, sorry about today," I said, looking around to see if we were alone. Closing his magazine he shrugged.

"No problem." We just stood there while I shifted my weight back and forth and he wondered why the fuck I was there. "Is that why you're here or did you need sneakers for track or something?"

"Actually, I'm here for some gloves."

"Gloves. We've got some over there," he directed, pointing to his left and I followed his hand and saw the display of winter gloves.

"Not those. I need like, thin leather ones." I made motions with my hands, as if that would help.

"For driving?"

Even though it wasn't his fault, I grew frustrated. "No, like, I don't know, bike gloves? Or weightlifting gloves? They have these padded palms…" Again, I was pointing to my palm and wiggling my fingers uselessly.

"Oh, I know what you mean. Over this way," he said as he walked around the counter and led me toward the back. "We don't have many because it's not exactly biking season, but there are a few here."

"Great, thanks," I said, hoping he would get the hint and leave.

He didn't.

Sticking his hands in his pockets he rocked back and forth. "Taking up biking?"

I picked up one pair and felt the suede palms for cushioning, and then picked up a second pair to compare them. The fingers were only covered to the first knuckle so Edward would be able to grip doors and pick things up easily.

"No, they're not for me." I felt them both again and then checked a third pair. All seemed to have a good grip and enough cushion for his palms. "I think I'll take these." I held up one pair and put the other ones back.

He turned and I followed him back to the counter. Handing him the gloves, I pulled out my wallet from the sweatpants.

"Twenty-three-fifty," he said as he rang them in. I handed him the money and grabbed the gloves.

"Don't suppose you have a box, huh?"

"Actually, we've got some left over from Christmas." He reached under the counter and then slid it over to me.

"Great, thanks, man."

"Sure, see ya tomorrow."

"Yep, see ya."

With the box and Edward's gloves, I finally headed home.

"**~~**"

We were parked in the same spot as the day before. My father had let me have the truck, telling me he could use his work truck, but that he would need his back the next day. The drive to school had gone a little smoother than the day before. Edward tried to hide it, but I saw him wince as other cars approached and he would look at me, my face, my legs or hands, any part to keep his mind occupied until the other car had passed.

As we sat in the parked truck, Edward looked slightly less nervous as he watched the kids mingling around the parking lot. I couldn't help but stare at him a bit. Dressed in his varsity basketball sweatshirt and jeans, his hair was shiny and clean and sticky up everywhere. He'd even shaved.

"What did I think this was a good idea again?" he sighed.

"You can do it."

"Seems I recall you telling me that yesterday too, and look what happened."

"Today will be better. They've all seen you now."

He nodded, but I wasn't sure he was convinced. Nervously, he raked his fingers through his already mussed hair and sighed.

"Did you set your alarm?"

"Yeah, every two hours."

"Good."

"Should we go?"

"Yeah, but first I've got something for you."

"What?" he asked, finally turning his attention completely on me. I picked up the box that was between us and gave it to him.

"A late Christmas present."

"What is it?" he asked just like always. He shook it and then furrowed his brows as he took in the simple shape.

Some things never changed.

"Open it and find out."

Popping the top off, he looked inside and saw the pair of black leather and suede bike gloves.

"Gloves," he murmured as he picked them up. "You bought me gloves." Slipping one on, he stretched out his fingers and wiggled them before turning his hand over and pressing on the cushioned palm. "They're perfect. I…Jasper…I don't know what to say…thank you."

I beamed, fucking beamed, next to him as he put on the other one.

"You're welcome."

"I can't believe you got these for me." He put the box on the seat and then looked at me with a tear rolling down his cheek. "I really want to kiss you right now."

I started laughing and took his gloved hand in mine. "Me too. Maybe later we can," I offered and he nodded.

"Let's do this."

"I'll be right by your side," I reminded him.

"I know."

I walked next to him to the entrance, glaring at anyone that even dared look in our direction. There were still curious glances, but they seemed fewer than the day before. We got inside and headed to English where we took our new seats at the front of the class. I knew if I listened close enough, I could probably hear Edward's heart pounding in his chest, but on the outside, he seemed perfectly calm.

A few kids nodded to him when they entered, one of his basketball teammates came up and slapped his shoulder before asking him about the upcoming game.

"Coach wants to see you," the other player said.

"What about?"

"Something about the game Friday night," he said as he took his seat. Edward turned to me after.

"Will you go with me to see Coach?"

"Sure, we can go at lunch."

We made it through English and then headed to calculus. Bella caught up with us in the hall again and walked with us. Once settled in class, Edward took off his gloves and sat them on his desk.

"Are they helping?"

"Yeah, my hands feel much better," he replied.

Newton walked in and nodded to Edward. "Hey, Cullen."

"Newton," Edward returned. Mike came toward us, walking down the aisle between Edward and me. Glancing down, he spotted the gloves on Edward's desk but knew better than to say anything.

When Edward's alarm went off, he left the room without a word and his backpack on his lap to use the bathroom, returning a few minutes later. Edward even answered a few questions about the homework and talked to one kid on the way out. After calculus we had physics and history, and both went about as well as could be expected. Edward felt a little behind in physics, but seemed to understand what was going on.

Before each class began, I kept his focus on me. Just like the day before, I heard the whispered rumors behind us, but I couldn't say anything to any of them with Edward there. Instead I deflected his attention by asking him a question or just smiling at him, distracting him from anything else. Then there were the looks, the curious stares or awkward glances, but I did my best to make sure that Edward didn't see or hear any of it.

Perhaps I shouldn't have protected him so much, perhaps he needed to hear them and see them and deal with them on his own, but his strength and determination were so fragile, I didn't want anything to sever the progress he'd made. I was going to do anything I could to make sure he continued to see that light at the end of his tunnel and move toward it. One setback was one too many.

At the end of physics, we left the room and Edward spoke. "I need to hit the bathroom," he said. I was grateful he would be gone for a few minutes.

"Are you going to be okay in music?"

Biting his lip, he thought for a few seconds, then looked up at me and nodded. "Yeah, I have to do it eventually."

"I'll meet you outside music and we can go meet Coach, then lunch, okay?"

"Yep."

"Be safe…"

"See ya soon…"

He turned for the bathroom and I turned in the other direction. Sprinting down the hall once I was out of his view, I pushed my way through the crowds of students until I reached his music class. I peeked in the doorway to make sure they were all there. I was going to be late for WWII but I didn't care. Reaching into my bag, I pulled out the four newspaper articles I had printed out the night before. Each one an account of Edward's accident, giving details on the cause and those involved, there were even pictures of his totaled Volvo.

One was on the arraignment of James Veli.

Unfolding them, I walked up to Karen, Steve, Micah and Beth as they sat next to each other. Beth eyed me like prey while Karen kept her eyes downcast. Micah didn't notice and Steve nodded.

"Whitlock," he said.

Ignoring him, I slammed an article on each of their desks. "If any of you assholes can read, you might find these interesting. Next time, before you talk behind someone's back, get your fucking facts straight."

Jaws dropped and eyes narrowed, but I just turned and left. Smiling to myself and whistling on my way to WWII. It was time to deal with Mr. Beatty.

Opening the door, I slanted a quick look at him as he stood in front of the whiteboard with his back to the class.

"You're late, Mr. Whitlock," he said without even looking over his shoulder.

"Sorry, I had to do something," I replied as I sat in my seat.

"To do with Mr. Cullen?" He finally turned to face me and I shrugged.

Throughout the rest of class, I found myself glancing at the door constantly. My body was coiled and tense, waiting for the knock I hoped wouldn't come. Mr. Beatty droned on and on about the invasion of Normandy and when the bell rang, I actually jumped, not realizing so much time had passed. I smiled to myself as I packed my bag, hoping no sign of Edward had meant my little visit to his class had helped. Standing up, I swung my backpack onto my shoulder and headed for the door.

"Mr. Whitlock," Mr. Beatty said right before I was about to exit. I stopped and turned, trying to keep the annoyed look off my face. "What you did for Mr. Cullen yesterday was admirable, so I'm going let it slide, but don't make it a habit."

"Yes, sir," I nodded and even smiled a bit.

"It's good to see him back."

"Yeah, it is," I agreed. "Speaking of…"

"Go, and don't forget the reading for tonight."

"Thanks, Mr. Beatty," I called over my shoulder as I started walking down the hall.

"Hey, Whitlock, wait up," a kid from my class yelled out. Slowing, I let him catch up, but kept on route to meet Edward. "I saw Cullen earlier, damn shame."

I nodded and kept walking.

"He used to be such a great athlete too, ya know?" His voice was full of pity.

"He still is," I corrected him sharply.

He matched me stride for stride even when I began to walk faster.

"Yeah, maybe for the Special Olympics," he laughed.

He didn't even see it coming when I slammed his back up against the row of lockers, sending a loud bang throughout the hallway. Fisting his sweatshirt in both my hands, I held him there, enjoying the look of shook on his face.

"What the-"

"It's the Paralympics you asshole," I spat at him before letting him go and turning. I didn't look back before I broke into a sprint. When I turned the corner, I almost ran into Edward coming the other way.

"Hey, I thought I was going to meet you outside your class?"

"You were late," he said, stopping his chair. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, Mr. Beatty just wanted to talk to me for a minute. How was music?"

He bit his lip and tilted his head back to look up at me. "You said something to them, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit. I know you said something to them," he argued and I sighed. When I didn't say anything, he just nodded. "Let's go see Coach."

The crowds in the hall had thinned as most kids were at lunch or their next class. At the gym, Edward knocked on his coach's office and waited. Mr. Griffith, his basketball coach, opened his door and reached out to shake Edward's hand.

"Great to see you, Edward, how are you doing? The last time I saw you, you were unconscious." He smiled and patted Edward's shoulder. "You look great."

"I'm okay, I guess," Edward replied quietly, his mood suddenly solemn. "I heard you wanted to see me?"

"I did, come on in," Coach Griffith said, stepping aside for Edward to enter. Edward peeked into the room before pushing his chair through the doorway. Just before Coach Griffith closed the door, Edward looked over his shoulder at me with worried eyes. Just as I was going to follow him in, Coach Griffith closed the door.

"Fuck," I sighed, falling back against the wall. They weren't in there long, but it was enough time for me to pace back and forth several times and start gnawing on my thumbnail. By the time I ran my hand through my hair for the third time, the door opened and Edward exited.

"Thanks, Coach, I'll let you know," he said as let the door swing closed.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

Edward swallowed and keeping his eyes on the floor, spoke. "He apologized for not coming to see me at my house and he wants me to go to the game on Friday night. It's our last home game and senior night and he wants me there with the rest of the team."

"Really? That's great," I said relieved.

"How is it great, Jasper? People stare at me here in the fucking hallways, but a game will have their parents, the other team, their fans….I don't know if I can handle that…" His voice began to quiver and I immediately dropped to my knees. Without glancing around, I put my hand on his lap.

"Babe, you don't have to go."

Sniffling, he ran the back of his hand across his nose to stave off any tears that were threatening to fall. "I can't stay cooped up forever. There's more to the world than Forks High School."

"Yeah, but you don't have to face all of the world in one week, Edward. This isn't a race or something, you need to do it in your own time and if you're not comfortable with it, then don't go."

"I'm never going to be comfortable doing anything again, I guess I gotta get used to it," he reasoned quietly.

Squeezing his knee, I stared at him, lost in the hurt and fear that were churning up the storm in his eyes. Neither of us heard the footsteps behind him. It wasn't until he spoke that I yanked my hand off Edward like I'd been burned. Lifting my eyes over Edward's shoulder, I saw Newton standing there.

"I said, is Coach Griffith in?"

Blankly, I nodded and Newton eyed me for a few seconds before knocking on the office door.

"Come on, let's go to lunch," I said to Edward. I stood up and walked by his side toward the cafeteria.

"Do you think Newton saw us?" he asked as he pushed himself next to me. Edward had enough to worry about without having to wonder if people thought there was something between us.

"Nah, he was too far away," I said, hoping to alleviate his fear, but I honestly wasn't sure. My heart started racing.

We got to the lunch room and Edward rolled by the rows of tables, maneuvering around trashcans and students until he reached the lunch line. He kept his eyes on the floor right in front of his chair, never rising to meet anyone else's. When someone walked in front of him and he had to stop quickly, his backpack slipped off his lap and onto the floor.

"Damn it," he rumbled, bending forward to pick it up.

Around us I heard the chattering and gossiping. Hundreds of pairs of eyes watching every move Edward made, some with curiosity, some with pity, others just confused or disgusted. Apparently, I had only been able to control a small portion of the Forks High population and my threat in his music class hadn't done shit outside of it.

We finally reached the lunch line and I growled. How the fuck was he supposed to get lunch? Each person had to get a tray and slide it along a railing as they picked out their main meal, side dishes and desert. Sitting in the chair, Edward couldn't even see some of the selections, much less push the tray and his chair simultaneously.

"God fucking damn it," I sighed behind him. "How the hell is he supposed to do this?" I complained to the lunch lady behind the counter, but she just shrugged.

"It's okay, Jasper."

Edward tried to calm me down but it didn't work. I grabbed a tray and slammed it on the counter, making everyone around me jump. Then I grabbed another and did the same thing. I went through the line in front of Edward, telling him everything that was available and then putting the stuff he wanted on his tray, making sure to grab an apple for him so his father wouldn't be mad. At the end, another woman swiped our cards and we went to our table. I carried both trays.

The weights of all the eyes on us began to wear at my patience and by the time we arrived at our table, I was practically humming with nervous energy. I set the trays down and then glared at everyone around us. The looks stopped, but then whispers began. Edward pulled up to the end of the table and I sat next to him. He just stared at his food.

"You gotta eat," I told him.

"Don't really feel like it," he sighed, pushing his tray away. I bit into my apple and scowled at the kids at the next table when they glanced at Edward and his chair. "I thought it'd be easier."

"What?"

"Seeing them all at once, I thought it would get it over with, but it just seems worse." He lowered his head and took a few deep breaths.

"It's not right," I said under my breath. "You're still you, damn it," I slammed my fist on the table, shaking the trays.

If everyone's attention wasn't on us before, it was then.

With one last look at Edward, I stood up.

"Listen, you all need to get a fucking life. It's Edward for fucks sake, he's the same guy he was two months ago, the same guy most you have gone to school with your entire lives. Nothing has changed, he hasn't changed. " My voice was loud, determined and protective. Still standing, I looked from table to table, waiting for someone to challenge me, to dare tell me otherwise, but no one did. Slowly, I sat back down and bit into my apple again. Gradually, everyone turned around and paid us no more attention than they would have any other day before the accident.

"That wasn't necessary," he said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, it was."

Edward looked outside the window at the end of our table for a minute before whispering, "Thanks."

With a mouth full of apple, I smiled at him.

You're welcome, baby.

"Good thing Bella wasn't here," I smirked.

"No shit," he agreed.

We made it through lunch with little attention paid to either of us. When we were finished, I emptied our trays and walked out with Edward, glaring at anyone that dare glance in his direction. We split up at the door, he went to study hall and I headed for gym.

The final bell of the day rang and I jogged down the hall to meet up with Edward.

"Hey," he said when I ran up to him.

"Hey," I returned, lifting my backpack further onto my shoulder and shaking my head to move the hair from my face. I looked at Edward and saw him smiling at me. "What?"

Still smiling, he motioned toward the door. "Nothing, let's go."

Side by side, just like it should always be, we walked out and headed for the truck. I lifted Edward into it and put his chair in the back before climbing in.

"I can't have the truck tomorrow."

"That's okay. I'd rather ride with you, but my dad can bring me in on his way to work."

Holding his hand, and squeezing when I felt he needed the strength, I drove us to his house.

"Whose car is that?"

"I don't know," he answered as I opened my door and went to get his chair. I lifted him into it and followed him up the ramp and into his house. "Mom?"

Emmett stepped out from the kitchen, a piece of pie on a plate in his hand.

"Hey, boys," he greeted as he shoveled in a fork full.

"Hey, Emmett, where's my mother?" Edward asked as I closed the door behind me.

"Throwing in a load of laundry. How was school?"

"Fine," Edward answered hesitantly.

"Ready for therapy?" Emmett asked and in one more bite, finished off the pie.

"Yeah," Edward replied even more slowly than before. "Can you give me a minute?"

"Sure, I'll meet you in the dining room. See ya, Jasper." He turned and headed through the kitchen the dining room.

"Bye." I looked down at Edward. "Dining room? Do you lift tables or something?"

"No, my dad put some workout equipment in there, moved the table against the wall." He looked down at his lap and sighed.

"What's wrong?" I wanted to kneel, take his hands, but his mother or Emmett could return at any second.

Keeping his gaze fixed on his motionless legs, he mumbled, "I don't want to workout, I wanted to spend time with you."

"Me too, but therapy is more important than me right now."

"Edward, how was school?" his mother asked as she rushed around the corner with a basket of laundry.

"Not bad," he answered and her eyes shot to me for confirmation. Standing behind him, I nodded and she smiled at Edward.

"Good to hear. Emmett's here."

"Yeah, he's waiting for me in the dining room."

"I'm gonna go," I said, turning to leave. He spun his chair around.

"Wait!"

I stopped and he glanced over his shoulder at his mother before looking back at me. "Um…can…can you call me in awhile?"

"Sure," I smiled. "Have fun at therapy."

Be safe, baby.

"Yeah, right," he snorted.

See ya soon, love.

His mother returned to the kitchen and I winked at Edward quickly before opening the door and leaving. Not able to contain the smile on my face, I drove home with "Let it Be" turned all the way up, drowning out my voice as I sang along as loud as I could.

"**~~**"

"You look…amazing," I said breathlessly as I sat on the edge of his bed. I just literally gazed at him. There was a color to his cheeks that had long been missing, his eyes nervously flickered around the room, but were bright and clear. Messy, shiny tufts of bronze and copper stuck up everywhere and his lips were pink and soft and looked irresistible.

I had arrived about ten minutes before to drive him to the basketball game. After a few days of debating, he had decided to go and told his coach on Thursday that he'd be at the game for senior night. He told his parents the night before at the dinner, which he had begged me to be present for. Dr. Cullen respected his son's decision but it took more effort to convince his mother. When she finally agreed, Edward asked his parents to meet him there and me to drive him.

The previous two days at school had gone okay. There were still stares and whispers, but Edward kept his chin up most of the time. Lunch still proved to be our biggest problem, but there were smaller problems that happened throughout the day, like the handicapped stall in one of the bathrooms being out of service and Edward not being able to go up the ramp on his own one morning because it was icy and hadn't been salted. Sometimes he grew frustrated and I could see it building behind his eyes but he would take a few breaths before he let his anger control him.

We argued over whether or not to tell his parents about lunch and the difficulty Edward had seeing the food and moving through the line. Edward didn't want to tell them, but refused to go see Mr. Bradshaw on his own. When I threatened to go to Mr. Bradshaw myself, he finally agreed to tell them. Needless to say once he'd told her, she called the school and informed them that other arrangements needed to be made to serve Edward's needs. They claimed they would work on all the issues it right away.

Blushing, he looked down at his jeans and shirt and tie. "Took me forever to shower and get dressed."

"It was worth it, trust me," I sighed, my eyes traveling up every delicious inch of him.

"I hate having to wear a tie." He reached up and adjusted it for the fourth time since I had arrived. "Just going to have my varsity jacket on over it anyway."

Ignoring him, I told him what was really on my mind. "I really want to kiss you right now."

His blush deepened and he glanced at his half opened door. "Maybe later."

He turned his chair toward the window and took his familiar spot, staring out the panes of glass at the darkened backyard.

"Do you think I'm doing the wrong thing by going tonight?" he asked quietly. I leaned back on the palms of my hands and stared at the back of his head.

"No, but I don't know if I could do it," I answered honestly. "You're so brave, baby."

Immediately he was shaking his head in denial. "No, I'm not. I'm scared shitless, Jasper. All the fucking time. I'm fucking petrified about tonight…all those people..."

I got up and moved in front of him and kneeled. "Exactly why you're so brave. Even when you're so scared, you keep going."

"No matter how hard I wish for this to not be true, that I keep hoping it's a bad dream that I'm going to wake up from, this is my life now." Moving his eyes from the window, he looked down at me as he spoke. "I don't want to just fade away, Jasper. I want…"

"What?"

He reached up and softly brushed my hair back and I let my eyes drift closed for just a second before opening them again.

"I want my life back," he whispered.

"Then let's get it back," I mumbled.

Bowing my head, I rested it in the palm of his hand. We stayed like that, his hand on my face and my hands on his knees until it was time to go.

"Ready?" I sighed, standing. He nodded, grabbed his varsity jacket off his bed and turned for the door.

"Not sure I should wear this," he said, holding the jacket.

"Why not?"

"It's not like I'm part of the team anymore."

I stopped at the door. "What do you mean? Of course you are. It's why they want you there tonight."

"It's not the same," he shook his head. "They don't need me."

"They do to win," I corrected him.

Together we headed down the hallway and met his parents in the living room. His father was just putting on his coat.

"You look handsome," his mother smiled at him.

"Very," his father agreed.

"Thanks," Edward mumbled. I stood behind him, shifting my weight as I waited to leave.

"Edward, are you sure about this?"

"Yeah, Mom, I'm sure. I'll meet you guys there," he said and with a quick glance to me, I opened the door and held it for him. "Bye."

I nodded to his parents and then followed Edward down the ramp toward my truck. He positioned himself near the passenger door and waited for me to open it. There was no protest when I bent over and lifted him from the chair to the cab.

"You need a shorter car," he chuckled as he scooted over in the seat and moved his legs inside.

"I'll get right on that," I teased before closing his door and putting his chair in the back of the truck. When I got inside, I started it up and turned the heat on. "Warm enough?"

"Yeah."

Just as I was about to back out of the driveway, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen came out of their house, waving as they walked to their car. As soon as I shifted into drive and we pulled away, Edward reached over and took my hand from the wheel to hold tightly in his. He held it all the way to school on the seat, his soft skin against mine.

"Jasper?"

"Mmmm?"

He kept staring out his window and I glanced over at him, squeezing his hand in encouragement. His other hand went to his cheek to swipe away his worry.

"Hey, baby, it's going to be okay."

Sighing, he nodded slightly. "I hope you're right."

Me too.

We pulled up to the school parking lot and I found a space as close as I could without cars on either side so I had enough room to get Edward out. I released his hand and leaned toward him, brushing my lips across his once before pulling away and getting out. After I got his chair out, I opened his door. Darkness surrounded us but students and parents were walking by behind the truck. Slipping my arms under his knees and behind his back, I lifted him up, holding him a bit longer than necessary before setting him in his chair. He lifted his feet onto the pedals and adjusted his legs before looking up at me.

"I don't want to go in there," he admitted quietly.

But I knew he would.

"I know."

Turning his chair, he headed for the door and I fell into step by his side. His parents were standing by the door and they both smiled proudly at him when we approached.

"Ready?" his father asked.

"Yeah, Coach said to meet him at the bench and you guys to wait by the bleachers. When they call us, we all go out to center court and they take our picture."

"We're proud of you for doing this," Dr. Cullen told Edward.

"Thanks, Dad."

His parents turned and went inside. Once they were inside, Edward closed his eyes and took a deep breath. A few people walked by us, giving us a few looks before going inside.

"You can do this," I whispered.

"So many people," he said, opening his eyes.

"Focus on me and your parents, not them."

"I wish you could stay with me."

"Me too, but I will stay as close as I can. When you're on the court, just focus on your parents."

He nodded and then I reached for the door. Edward pushed himself over the threshold and then waited for me to get the second door. We could hear the familiar sounds of the cheers and laughing and music coming from the gym as the teams warmed up. Once we were all the way inside, we crossed the hall to the open doors of the gym.

Just outside of them, I felt Edward tense even more, his nerves rolling off him in tidal waves. I wanted nothing more than to hold his hand as we walked in there, give him the only support I could offer. As the Spartans were finishing their warm up and heading toward the bench, we entered.

Simultaneously the music stopped, the crowed grew completely silent and every head in the place turned toward us, all eyes falling onto Edward and me as we stopped just inside the door.

It was like something out of bad movie or dream, only it was really happening. The silence so heavy and sudden, you could hear a pin drop. We both felt the weight of hundreds of pairs of eyes on us and I bit my lip nervously.

"Fuck," Edward muttered.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Star Wars cookie cutters are available at Williams and Sonoma (I bought some for my brother for Christmas-along with a SW cookbook)

Parsecs: A measurement of speed in Star Wars "You've never heard of the Millennium Falcon? It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs"

Wheelchair accessories: http:/www DOT 1800wheelchair DOT com/

Have questions about the boys? Follow me on Twitter theslashawards or visit the M&A thread on Twilighted http:/www DOT twilighted DOT net/forum/viewtopic DOT php?f=44&t=9674