If on a Winter's Night

by Touchstone67

One fateful, winter's night, Edward and Jasper's lives are turned upside down. Is their relationship strong enough to withstand the aftermath, or will they be driven apart forever? Rated M for sexual situations, language. AH J/E slash

17. In Times of Trouble

Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N-I'm trying to keep my head above water with these chapters, between this, M&A, my chapter in the BGS and my submission for the Fuck Me Friday, I've done nothing but write for the past ten days. It's a good thing I have no life already. That being said, thank you for being patient, I don't expect huge delays, but you never know.

This chapter might require some tissues...we're back to some angst.

Thank you to everyone that has read, recommended, reviewed, and learned from these boys.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, the boys wouldn't be here.

Thank you to OftheTurningAway for her beta on this.

Now Jasper pov

"**~~**"

If on a winter's night I hadn't pushed him…

"**~~**"

I was fucking nervous as hell.

Holding his hand the entire drive to Port Angels, I tried to convince myself that I was doing the right thing. I knew Edward. I knew that he needed a push in the right direction sometimes, and not only since the accident, but long before. Hell, it was why I had to kiss him first, push him into something that he might have considered, but would never do unless he was sure. He was the realist, the one who planned, and I was the dreamer, one who leapt first, looked later. Sometimes my impulsiveness worked, sometimes….it didn't.

I really fucking hoped this was one of those times when it worked.

Since I had begun doing researching on SCIs, I had known that there were leagued sports for those with disabilities. From school sports to the Paralympics, there were organizations that specialized in providing the coaching and training for those not able to do sports the traditional way. Even though I had known the organizations existed, it wasn't until Senior Night, when in the dark cab of my truck Edward admitted how much he missed playing basketball, that I began looking into it a bit more. It had taken me about a week of exploring websites and sending emails before I was finally able to set something up.

I knew my boy was ready.

I just hoped he thought so too.

"The meadow?" he asked hopefully, interrupting my thoughts.

"No, but as soon as it's nicer out, we are going there and staying for days," I chuckled. "So how's PT going?"

"Good," he replied slowly, already suspicious. He was too fucking smart for his own good, or he just knew me as well as I knew him.

"Emmett give you any restrictions?"

"Not really. He tells me to make sure I have a spotter if I do heavier weights, but I can pretty much do just about everything now."

"What about your dad?"

"He said everything is healing well, that I need to listen to my body to know when I've done too much."

"Cardio?"

"I haven't done much, but I'm still in good shape from before. What's with the questions, Dr. Whitlock?"

"No reason," I lied. "Just curious."

I could do a lot of things well, like suck Edward's cock and run a minute mile in under five minutes, but lying was not one of my strong points. The words were barely out of my mouth and he was eyeing me warily. I kept singing, hoping it would be enough to distract him.

And it was.

Until he saw the signs for Port Angeles.

"Jas, where are we going?"

"You'll see," I answered and then continued singing. Suspicious or not, he trusted me, and began singing along with me.

About half an hour later, we reached Port Angeles, and I followed the GPS directions through the town until I found the building. I had expected some athletic complex, but it was more like an old school, tall and brick with a lot of windows. There were a lot of handicapped spots in the parking lot and I noticed the ramps and wide sidewalks. Wondering how long it would be until Edward noticed the same things, I got his chair and put him in it, shifting back and forth while he adjusted his feet. My stomach was in knots, churning and twisting as we made our way up the ramp and into the building through the automatic doors, neither of us saying a word the entire time. I shouldn't have been surprised to see a few other kids in wheelchairs in the hallway, but I was anyway. Since Edward's accident, I hadn't seen anyone except him in a wheelchair. Following the directions in the email I'd received, I turned down a long corridor.

I knew as soon as he heard it he would know.

There was some clapping and cheering, and my heart skipped a beat when I heard the whistle and saw the look on Edward's face. I stopped at the end of the hallway, tugging my bottom lip into my mouth as Edward pulled up next to me.

In front of us was a full sized gym, complete with shiny lacquered wood floor and bleachers. On the court were ten teenagers dressed in two different colored team uniforms racing up and down the court in wheelchairs. Two referees in their traditional black and white stripes ran alongside the players. On the sidelines, teammates sat next to their coaches while their parents and friends cheered them all on from the bleachers. It was…different.

There was no squeaking of sneakers on the floor or slam dunks, but there were layups and passes and dribbling.

"What the fuck is this?" Edward growled beside me. Looking at him, I saw him glaring at the game through narrowed eyes, his brows furrowed so close they were almost one.

My heart sank.

"Basketball," I said a lot more confidently than I felt. His glared moved from the game to me. "NWBA." He glared harder, and I swallowed, "National Wheelchair Basketball Association. It's the Seattle Junior Sonics versus the Port Angeles Blazers."

"Why are we here?" he said through clenched teeth.

"I thought you might want to play," I admitted quietly, averting my eyes from his.

"You thought wrong," he snapped, returning his edgy stare to the game, but made no move to enter the gym or leave. I glanced up the scoreboard and saw there were only three minutes left in the first half. I just had to keep him there for three more minutes.

"This is stupid," he mumbled, shaking his head, and before I could stop him, Edward whipped his chair around and was pushing himself toward the exit. I glanced at the coaches on the sidelines and then followed Edward. His upper body strength had given him speed he hadn't had before and he cruised down the corridor. Not even having to wait for the automatic doors to open, he pushed himself down the ramp at an incredible acceleration, maneuvering the chair easily around the corners before hitting the sidewalk and wheeling toward the truck.

"Edward, wait," I called out, jogging to catch up with him. He didn't stop until he reached the truck, where he spun the chair around with a blinding swiftness to face me.

"What the fuck did you do, Jasper?"

"I brought you to a basketball game," I stated the obvious.

"You fucking ambushed me," he spat. The air around him sparked from his anger, his upper body tensed while his hands gripped the rims repeatedly.

"It's just basketball," I stumbled for the right thing to say. I had expected he might not be happy, but I hadn't counted on the rage that had quickly enveloped him.

"For handicapped people," he snarled. "The other day you told me I'm not handicapped and now you fucking throw it in my face!"

"I'm not throwing it in your face," I said defensively.

"Tell me, Jasper. All those times you told me that I could it, you meant do it in a chair, didn't you?" he accused deeply.

Unable to hold his cold stare, I looked away, silently admitting he was right. "I'm trying to show you what's possible, that you can still play," I countered.

"What if I don't want to?" he challenged, arching a brow over his stormy eyes.

"Then you don't, but you should at least talk to the guy. You owe yourself that much. You owe me that much." It was a low blow, but I hoped it might work.

"Stop trying to pretend the chair doesn't exist," he scowled, but his voice was calmer.

It wasn't me that was trying to pretend the chair didn't exist.

"I'm not," I sighed. "I'm trying to show you what you're fucking capable of in the damn chair. On Senior Night you said you missed it, I thought if you knew that you could still play, be part of a team again, you would want to."

"Bringing me here doesn't make me better, it doesn't bring me back to who I was before. I told you, you can't make me whole again, Jasper," he argued.

"And I told you I wasn't going to give up."

"Maybe you should," he mumbled.

"Never," I reiterated. "Now will you at least talk to the coach? For me?"

He glanced at the building and then back to me, studying me before silently moving the chair around me and heading back toward the ramp. Relieved, I followed him.

Just as we reached the gym, the buzzer signaled halftime. The two teams went to the sidelines, gathering in circles around one of their coaches. One of the coaches from the Port Angeles Blazers team looked over at me and waved. After saying something to the other coach, he started to make his way toward us. Edward eyed him the entire time, taking in the different style chair, gloves, uniform, and the way the man's legs were strapped to his chair. The coach appeared to be in his late twenties with short black hair and dark skin.

"Jasper?" he asked as he rolled to a stop and I nodded. "I'm Sam Uley, nice to meet you." He held out his hand and I shook it. His eyes were almost black, but they had a friendly sparkle in them.

"This is my friend Edward Cullen," I introduced Edward and he shook Sam's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Edward. So, what do you think?" Sam asked, motioning to the teams across the court. His pride in his team was obvious in his smile and eyes. "Pretty neat, huh?"

"Yeah, pretty neat," Edward finally replied, sarcasm brewing on the edge of each word. If Sam caught the inflection, he didn't respond.

"Jasper tells me that you're quite the basketball player," Sam hedged, trying to remain positive.

"Used to be. I don't play anymore."

"Why not?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Edward scoffed and almost rolled his eyes.

"The chair is just a state of mind," Sam advised. "It only holds you back as long as you let it."

"Actually it's the not walking that is holding me back," Edward challenged sharply.

"That's the wrong attitude," Sam shook his head.

"Sorry to disappoint you but it's the only one I've got. It was nice to meet you," Edward finished and without another word, turned his chair and left.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Uley," I apologized.

"Maybe it's too soon," he reasoned. "Some take longer than others to adjust, and it's only been a few months. Give him some time."

Give him some time.

"If he changes his mind, feel free to contact me. I watched some film of him playing, he was phenomenal, and it would be a shame to let a talent like his go to waste. We could use a point guard with an outside shot like his," he offered as he held out his hand. I shook it again and nodded.

"I will, thanks for seeing us."

He smiled and then turned his chair to return to his team, greeting their huge smiles with high fives as he passed them. Sighing, I turned and left. Edward was already at the truck waiting for me. I opened his door, lifted him in and put his chair in the back before getting in the cab. The air inside was thick and heavy with a suffocating silence.

Backing out of the space, I shifted into drive and pulled onto the street, following the GPS back to the highway. I placed my hand on the seat between us. It wasn't long before his hand reached for mine and grasped it weakly, but I couldn't tell if he held it out of habit or because he wanted to feel my skin against his. He leaned his head against the window, his eyes never leaving the scenery as it breezed by us in the darkness. The Beatles played on the CD player, but there was no singing or laughing.

"I'm not like them," he whispered suddenly. I just squeezed his hand.

How could I tell him that he was exactly like them?

They were kids just like him, their ability to use their legs stolen from them just like his. They were kids who went to school, had friends, broken bathrooms, dealt with restaurants that discriminated, and principals who underestimated their determination. They all had parents who worried, friends who cared, and people that supported them. Not one of them walked into their house, stood in their shower, or ran with their boyfriend.

They were exactly like my boy, and he was exactly like them.

It was me that wasn't like them.

And it was only a matter of time before Edward realized that.

We arrived at his house without saying another word. I parked the truck and turned it off. When I glanced at him, he was still looking out the window, staring blankly. Releasing his hand, I got out.

There was no goodnight kiss.

After I got his chair, I opened the door and reached for him. He wrapped his arms around my neck as I lowered him into the chair before straightening and closing the door. I followed him up the ramp, then he opened the front door and pushed himself inside.

"Have fun?" his father asked from the couch as we entered. The television was muted and a he had an open book resting on his lap. Edward nodded weakly, but said nothing and headed right for his room. "Too soon?"

Looking after Edward, I sighed. I hated to admit I was wrong, but I nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

He glanced down the hall. "Give him some time."

Give him some time.

"You said he was ready."

"I said he was physically ready. He's still working on the emotionally ready part. He's an athlete, he used to know his body and what he was capable of, but since the accident all that knowledge has gone away. He questions everything now, and with good reason." Dr. Cullen paused and sipped his coffee. "He needs to want it like he wanted gym class."

My eyes shot to his, and he smiled.

"I know my son, Jasper. He wasn't going to let them keep him out of gym too long."

I wondered if he had already known, or just suspected and my reaction confirmed it.

"Is it okay?"

"Yes, as long as he is careful. Remember, if something happens to his legs, he can't feel it. He could even break one and not know it, but he needs to be physically active. That part of him can't be denied for too long. It's who he is."

"Then why didn't he like the basketball game?"

"Because it was in a wheelchair. Gym class is him and his able bodied classmates, it allows him to think he is still one of them. What you asked him to do tonight was accept the chair, not pretend it's not there."

"But he does accept it," I countered, remembering him in the shower, claiming he was going to fight for his new life.

"Here, with you and his family, and even at school a little, but out there in the real world…he's just not quite there yet."

"I fuc-messed up," I sighed.

"No, you didn't. You've planted the idea, let's see if it grows." He looked back down the hall. "Are you sleeping over?"

"I was going to, but not sure he will want me to now. He's pretty mad at me."

"No, he's not. He's scared, he's not mad."

"Either way, he's not talking to me. He said I ambushed him."

"And you did. But he wouldn't have gone if you hadn't." He set his coffee down and leaned back against the couch. "He needs you, Jasper. Especially if he's scared."

"You think I should stay," I stated, not asked.

"It's up to you," he shrugged. "If you're too uncomfortable, don't. But something tells me you've got some stubbornness left in you."

He was wrong, my will and stubbornness to butt heads with Edward again was quickly fading. I felt bad I had brought him to the game, and I didn't want to make him feel worse by staying when I wasn't wanted. But in the end, I knew I would, I simply wanted to be where he was, no matter if he was mad or scared, or anything else.

"I think it's time for me to head to bed myself," Dr. Cullen said as he stood and turned off the television. "I'll see you in the morning. Night, Jasper."

He already knew I was going to stay.

"Night, Dr. Cullen."

Turning, I headed to Edward's room and found it empty. He was in the bathroom doing his routine. I spread my sleeping bag on the floor, almost certain I was going to need it for the entire night and not only for the few early morning hours I had been using it. When Edward returned, I was sitting on his bed in my pajamas and tee shirt. He looked at me, slightly surprised to see me there, before he went to his dresser for his clothes. Leaving, I went to the bathroom, brushing my teeth quickly before going back to the bedroom. Edward was on his bed, struggling with his pants, and I saw the frustration growing dark in his eyes as he rocked his body back and forth trying to get his pants over the curve of his ass.

I wanted to let him struggle. I wanted him to see he could do it no matter how hard it seemed.

But I didn't.

Instead, I reached out and stilled his movements. He rolled onto his back and stared up at me as I moved his hands to his sides and gripped the waistband of his jeans, lowering them down his legs. When they bunched up at his feet, I pulled off his shoes and socks, and then finished tugging off his pants. Parting his legs, I placed one kiss on the inside of his left thigh before taking his Star Wars pajamas and putting his legs through them, sliding them up to his thighs. Feeling his gaze on me, I lifted him with one arm under him and finished pulling his pants up to his hips. Standing, I watched him as he dragged his legs up the bed until his head was on his pillows. His eyes darted from me to the corner of the room a few times before he finally looked out the window.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, but he ignored me.

I knew we should have talked, but I let him turn the light out. Getting into my sleeping bag, I laid my head on my folded arms and stared up at the ceiling. The room was completely dark except for the slight moonlight coming in through the window. It was also silent…except for Edward's sniffling.

Closing my eyes, I willed him to fight it.

He was my boy, I knew he could, he just had to believe it himself.

Please, baby, you can do this. Please….

The words rolled in my head, spinning and tumbling into a long string of pleas to whoever might be listening. My heart ached with each second that passed, each second that he doubted himself, that he fought the battle of acceptance versus hope.

When I heard a sob escape him, I knew my pleas had gone unanswered. Climbing out of the sleeping bag, I moved to his bed, and without asking, crawled under his blanket. I curled my body into his, pressing myself against his side from shoulder to feet. My head rested on the pillow next to his, my arm across his chest. In the faint glimmer of the moonlight, I saw the wetness on his cheeks as the tears continued to roll down them. His eyes were open, staring into the corner as he took shallow breaths.

"You can do it," I whispered, brushing the backs of my fingers down his tear streaked cheek. He frantically shook his head, clenching his eyes shut. "Baby, you can. I know it's scary, but remember, I'm not going anywhere."

I will always be here to pick you back up.

Always.

"I'm not like them," he repeated from earlier.

"I know, baby," I murmured. Moving closer, I put my leg over his and held him even tighter. I could do nothing more than try to hold him together as he fell to pieces. His eyes opened and looked right to the corner of his room where the medical supplies were. Glancing over there, I saw nothing but darkness. It wasn't too long before his crying faded and his breaths evened out. I watched over him until his eyes drifted closed, unable to fight the exhaustion of his body any longer. Barely above a whisper, I sang to him.

"Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby"

Lying there next to his warmth, I gazed at him. I rarely got to watch Edward sleep. He was almost always up later than me, and usually up earlier in the mornings.

He was so beautiful.

His hair was a mess, standing up on its ends from his hands running through it, but the way it fell over his forehead was imperfectly perfect. High cheek bones still glistened from his pain, a faint pink tinting the soft skin. His eyelashes were long and dark and clumped together from the tears. Behind his closed lids were eyes so incredible they rivaled that of a forest on a summer day for shades of green. Looking at his lips alone was enough to make my cock hard, much less their touch or taste or the way they parted when he slept. His square jaw was covered by a little scuff, and I resisted the urge to rub my cheek against it.

Things had been going good, but I wasn't foolish. I knew uncertainty haunted him, lurking around every corner of the long and winding road we traveled together. It was his demon, one he bore the brunt of, refusing to tell me when it had tightened its ugly grasp on him. I hoped I had been saying and doing what he needed in order to help keep the ghosts of his former life away, and until that night, I'd been doing okay.

It was tiring, but I did it for him. I would do it for the rest of my life if he let me.

He was worth the exhaustion and so much more.

However, taking him to the basketball game had done nothing but throw his old life in his face, and with one trip to Port Angeles, the world I had been precariously balancing on my shoulders crashed down around us. I wanted to watch over him all night, fending off anything that threatened his fragile sleep, but my eyes closed against my will. As my lids fell, I saw a slight smile on his face.

"Love you," I barely breathed before succumbing to sleep.

"**~~**"

The sun filtered through the curtains, falling across my empty sleeping bag on the floor and Edward's bed with us entwined in it. Opening my eyes slowly, I panicked when I realized I had never set the alarm and had spent the entire night in Edward's bed.

"Shit," I mumbled, lifting my head from the pillow and glancing at the door, unable to tell if it had been opened or not. I lay there and stared at Edward, not wanting to move and wake him up. Sleeping was the only time he seemed truly at peace. Even when he was awake, laughing and singing by my side, I saw it there around him, a darkness hiding in his eyes that waited for the moment to strike.

His head lolled toward me and his beautiful eyes slowly fluttered open.

Then I saw it.

Those first few seconds of his consciousness when the light that he used to have inside him was in his eyes again before they quickly clouded over with his new reality. There was a tightening in my chest as sadness clawed at my heart. I could be there for him, I could push him into things he wasn't sure he could do. I could love and encourage, but as long as I lived, I could never fix that for him.

I could never give him that permanent light back.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hey."

"I forgot to set the alarm."

He glanced worriedly at the corner, taking his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah. I need to do my routine though."

I sighed. I knew reality was going to barge in, but I had hoped he would want to cuddle or talk or something.

"Listen, I'm sorry I brought you there last night. I honestly thought you might like to try it. I know how much you miss playing and thought…"

"I do miss it. Every day. But I'm not ready for something like that. It's not for me."

It was like his father had said, being around people in wheelchairs was only a reminder that he was in one himself. As confident as Edward seemed about the chair sometimes, facing a life in it still scared him. He still clung to the day that he might wake up and discover it had all been a bad dream. Surrounding himself with able bodied people was a way of denying the awful turn his life had taken.

"I should go do my routine. Are you helping your dad today?"

He didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Yeah, in a few hours."

I got out of bed and pushed his chair over to him. He transferred over and then went to get a kit before heading for the bathroom. While he was gone, I dressed and packed my stuff up. It was about half an hour later when he came back in, looking a little better than before.

"You okay?" I asked him, sitting on his bed. He glanced behind him, then to the corner of his room and finally settled on me, giving me weak smile.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"I'll call you after I'm done with my dad," I promised.

"Okay," he nodded. "I'm going to work out and do my homework." He pushed himself closer until our knees were touching. Taking a chance, I wrapped a hand around his neck and leaned toward him, almost anticipating his rejection, but sighed into the kiss as our lips met. Pliable and warm, his lips melded to mine for a long minute before I pulled away.

"I love you."

"Love you too," he murmured. I stood and went to the door.

"Be safe, baby."

"See ya, love," he said right before I closed the door behind me. Quickly I walked to the truck, letting it warm up for a few minutes before backing out and heading home. The drive was routine, allowing my mind to wander.

It had been a week since I had woken up on Edward's floor to find him scowling at me and asking who Jake was. I had been scared to tell him, I didn't want him to worry that I was leaving him or be embarrassed I had talked to someone about his condition, but I went to him. Holding his hand, I told him everything, how I had been alone and just needed someone to be myself with. No one had known the agony I had been in those first few weeks, and having Jake helped save my sanity. Edward listened, and more importantly, accepted what I had done.

When I had run into Dr. Cullen had spoken to me so cryptically about Edward, my guilty conscience had assumed he knew something about Edward and me, and our relationship. It wasn't until I was chatting with Jake a few days later and he mentioned that Embry was attending a friend's basketball game that I began to think that maybe Dr. Cullen had meant something completely different. After a few searches, I had found what I was looking for. There were a few wheelchair basketball teams in the Seattle area, but only one closer to us in Port Angeles. They played other teams in the region and were all part of the NWBA, an organization that had been started after WWII when injured military men returned home from the war and wanted to continue their lives. Immediately, I had sent an email asking for more information about the Port Angeles team. When I found out they had a game on Saturday night, I got directions and asked to meet the head coach, Sam Uley.

A few nights later at Edward's, I found Dr. Cullen alone in the kitchen after dinner.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Jasper, what's up?"

"Well, I was thinking about what you said last weekend, about options for Edward, and…I started looking into wheelchair basketball."

He smiled knowingly and nodded as he loaded the dishwasher. "And you want to know if he can do it?"

"Yeah. I mean, I know he can play basketball, but is it too soon for him to do something like that? I watched some videos and they can get kinda rough."

"He's has clearance to do what he wants, within reason of course. His endurance might be lacking a little, but his upper body strength is good."

"There's a game this weekend in Port Angeles and I want to take him so he can watch."

"I think that's fine."

"I'm not going to tell him," I admitted.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"No, but if I tell him, he probably won't go. I'm going to try to ease him into the idea."

"Ease him into it how?" he almost laughed.

"I don't know, like mention it, or get him talking about it or something."

"Well, if you're not going to tell Edward, then I'm not going to tell Esme. She doesn't need to be fretting over this until we know for certain he is going to play. So I will keep your secret if you keep mine. Deal?"

"Deal."

He had kept his word, and so had I.

My date night with Edward ended up being something totally different than I had planned. At first when we had run into Bella, Newton, Angela and Eric, I was pissed. I had just wanted one night alone with my boy and suddenly it was a group thing.

But then I saw the look on Edward's face, how…normal he felt.

Meeting everyone at the movies was something we would have done without a second thought before the accident. I had no problem sharing him when I saw a slight sparkle in his eyes. I actually had fun at the movies, teasing him with brushes of my arm and flirty smiles. By the time the movie was over, Edward was as worked up as I was.

It was at the restaurant that things got really fucked up. Bella had asked us to go for pizza, which wasn't nearly as nice as the dinner I had planned, but I agreed anyway. As soon as the hostess said they had no way for Edward to get upstairs, I swear I wanted to punch her no matter how much my mom had taught me that hitting a girl was wrong. It took the cold air outside and Edwards soothing voice to calm me down. His kiss in the truck didn't hurt either. Then we ended up at McDonald's, laughing and singing and eating. Back at Edward's, I put a basketball game on, hoping to finally approach the subject. I asked questions I already knew the answers to while trying to work up the courage to mention him playing again. He got angry, I stayed calm. He accused, I encouraged.

Then I asked another question.

"Are you really okay with Newton and Swan?"

Edward loved me. I knew that with every breath and beat of my heart, but he also loved her, differently of course, but it was there. She was his first relationship, his first kiss and blowjob, the first person he had heard the words 'I love you' from. There was a history there that I could not rewrite. I knew that, especially since the accident, holding onto his past was important to him.

"I think it's good for her to move on, stop following you around like a little puppy," I continued when he didn't answer.

"You just want her away from me."

He was a smart boy.

"Maybe. But I still think it's good."

"You're probably right, but…"

"You're jealous," I filled in the blank.

"A little, but it's not in that way," he defended.

"Not mostly anyway," I chuckled. "I know you, baby, I saw it in the restaurant. The way you looked at her when Newton asked you."

Hell, I was jealous of Bella. I always had been. Not only did she have most of my boy's firsts, she could be close to him in public. No one thought twice or gave a nasty look if she whispered in his ear or ran a hand down his back. There was a flash of his own jealousy when he looked at her in the restaurant, but the way he looked at her was nothing compared to the way he looked at me, and I knew it.

"There's a history there."

"Key word…history."

Bringing his eyes to mine nodded, "She's part of my history, but you're my now."

"And your future," I quickly reminded him. I had no real concerns about Bella and Edward, I knew damn well he was my future, and hell, he knew he was my life.

"And my future."

We were quiet for a long time, his eyes were on the basketball game, watching the players run back and forth. I felt his body relax as his mind began to accept the possibilities of what his future in the chair might hold. He needed to find out there was that there was a full life within his grasp, but like his father had said, he just needed to want it. Sometimes I just needed to push him in the direction of wanting it.

"Do you really think I can still play?" he asked, uncertain.

"I know you can," I answered softly.

And I did.

The date might not have started perfect, but it sure ended that way when Edward fell asleep in my arms. Wanting to feel him even more, I stripped off my pants and underwear and lay next to him under the blanket. Hours later, when my naked body was slung over his, I felt his thumb moving over my hip, coaxing me from my sleep. Instantly, I wanted more. Kissing his neck, I told him I wanted him to touch me. Then he said he wanted to taste me, and I just about fucking came from those words alone.

Straddling Edward, feeling his hands on my ass and hips, and looking down at him as he watched me through his eyelashes while my cock slipped between his parted lips was so fucking erotic. He teased me with his mouth, sucking on only the head of my cock, and my body trembled with effort as I resisted the urge to thrust deep into his throat.

"You can fuck my mouth," he told me.

My boy knew what I needed.

I brushed the backs of my fingers down his cheek, along his lips, inhaling sharply when he sucked my finger into his mouth. I replaced my finger with my cock, a throaty groan escaping me as I guided it past his lips. He sensed my hesitation and squeezed my ass, encouraging me. Moving into his mouth, I watched him swallow my cock over and over until I was panting for breath and telling him how close I was. A few thrusts later and my rhythm was gone, the pace frantic and urgent. Then he took my balls into his hand and tugged on them as he swallowed. I came hard, my cock emptying into his mouth in pulses of cum down his throat. Euphoria spread throughout me, tickling everywhere before gradually ebbing away.

After leaving Edward later that morning, I went home and immediately raced upstairs to my computer. I was printing out the ADA when my mother knocked on my door and came in.

"Hey, you vaguely look like the son I used to have," she chuckled, standing in my doorway. "I think his hair was longer though."

"Damn, my evil plot to steal his identity had been foiled," I laughed, never taking my attention of the document I was furiously typing.

"What are you doing?"

"Typing a letter to the editor of the Peninsula Daily News," I replied.

"You're what?"

Sighing, I spun my desk chair around to face her. "Edward and I went out with some friends last night. We went to the movies and then to Rolando's for pizza. We waited for a few minutes and everything was fine until they said the only table they had big enough for a group of six was upstairs."

"Ah, I see."

"I got pis-" I stopped at her raised brow, "upset and told the hostess I would be in today with the ADA and that I was going to write a letter to the editor. Then Edward and I left."

She nodded thoughtfully. "Want me to look it over before you send it in?"

"You'd do that? You don't think it's a stupid idea?"

She shook her head. "Not at all, Edward has the right to eat wherever he wants. I don't know much about the ADA except where government buildings are concerned, but if they are supposed to have accommodations for him, then they should. As for the letter, I see nothing wrong in letting the public know what happened."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Now, are you staying home today or should I take a picture to remember you by?" she smirked.

"I'm home until about five, but then I have to go get Edward. I'm bringing him to a wheelchair basketball game in Port Angeles tonight."

"Jasper?" she said in that way that only mothers can. I looked away, I knew what was coming.

"No, he doesn't know," I sighed.

"That's not very fair of you," she scolded.

"I know, but he wouldn't go if he knew. I'm hoping once he gets there and sees it, he'll change his mind."

"Good luck," she said in a sing song tone. "Leave the letter with me when you're done and I'll look it over tonight."

"Thanks." She left and I turned back to my computer, the words coming out faster than I could type.

When I was done, I printed out the letter, grabbed the ADA and went downstairs. My mother was in the kitchen when I poked my head inside.

"I'm running to Ronaldo's. Here's the letter for the newspaper," I said, putting it on the counter.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"Nah, I got this. Thanks though."

"Go get 'em," she said, letting a hint of her drawl show through.

Smiling, I nodded and headed to the truck, rehearsing what I was going to say the entire drive and panicking when it didn't take more than a few minutes to get there. I parked, taking several long breaths before getting out. My heart pounded with each step I took. Even with all the anger I had the night before, I was nervous. I opened the door and stepped inside, taking in all the customers that were there for lunch. The same hostess from the night before walked up, her eyes widening when she recognized me.

"Is the owner here?" I asked, glancing around.

"No, but the manager is," she said. "I'll go get him." She turned and went into the kitchen. I paced while she was gone, clutching the papers in my fist. When she returned a few minutes later, she was followed closely by an older man with graying hair.

"Can I help you?" he offered.

I hadn't even spoken yet and I was already trying to keep the anger I already felt rising under control. "I was here last night with some friends, and one of them was in a wheelchair. The hostess informed us that the only tables for parties our size were upstairs, which wasn't exactly wheelchair accessible. When I asked about an elevator, she said there wasn't one. I suggested putting tables together on the lower level and she said it was full. Needless to say, my friend and I left."

"So did your other friends," the hostess cut in. "Right after you did."

I wanted to smile, but kept a straight face.

"I'm sorry we weren't able to accommodate your party last night," the manager began. "If you had waited, we might have been able to put together a few tables down here."

"That's nice, but unacceptable. I don't mind waiting, but not having something available without having to inconvenience others isn't right. I brought a copy of the Americans with Disabilities Act which, as I informed your employee last night, requires all public businesses to have accommodations for the handicapped, including parking spaces, ramps, bathrooms, and tables. There are exceptions, but I'm pretty sure this place doesn't qualify for them." I finally finished, holding out the papers to him.

He eyed me, slowly reaching out to take the papers from me.

"I should also tell you that I've written a letter to the editor of Peninsula Daily News that goes into detail as to why what happened last night qualifies as discrimination."

"I can assure you, sir, that it was not discrimination," he said defensively.

"We had to leave because your restaurant didn't have appropriate seating for my party," I countered. "I'm willing to bet that the small bathrooms you have don't have handicapped stalls either. You don't readily have features of your restaurant accessible to all. That's discrimination."

He didn't reply, but narrowed his eyes at me. My heart still raced and I hoped I looked calmer on the outside than I felt on the inside.

"If I ever come here again, I hope to see some changes," I finished before glancing at the hostess and then turning and leaving. Exhaling as soon as I was outside, I walked to the truck with a satisfied smile on my face.

I was still smiling from the memory when I pulled into my driveway next to my mother's car and got out. I walked in, heading right to the kitchen for breakfast and found my mother pouring coffee.

"Jasper…right?" she smirked.

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and dumped cereal into it before pouring the milk on and grabbing a spoon. I pulled out a stool at the island and sat down.

"So tell me, how'd it go?" she asked, taking a bite of her bagel.

Hunched over my bowl, I glanced up at her. "It was horrible. He was even more pis-mad than I thought he would be. It was too soon."

Leaning a hip against the counter, she nodded. "I'm not surprised. It's only been a few months, Jasper. Give him some time."

Give him some time.

"Why does everyone keep saying that," I mumbled to myself.

"Because time usually fixes everything, or at least eases the pain. You can't rush him into the rest of his life, not when it's so different from what he was expecting. Basketball is in his blood, he wants to play, just give him time to let him figure it out on his own."

I sighed and nodded. I was sure she and Dr. Cullen were right, but it didn't make it any easier.

"He's lucky to have you," she said quietly, chewing her food.

"He's not thinking that right now," I huffed.

"Yes, he is. No matter how mad he gets at you, he knows he's lucky. You both are. To have a close friendship like what you two have is rare."

I glanced up at her, wondering if Dr. Cullen had given her lessons in speaking to me cryptically.

"Oh," she moved from the counter and went to the table behind us, "you might want to tone this down. It's a bit…angry." She slid my letter across the marble island top to me.

"I am angry, it wasn't right."

"No, it wasn't, but you're not going to get anywhere with rage. You make a great point, but make it clearer, confident, use facts to back up your statement. You will get their attention that way and they won't write you off like some hormonal, angry teenager."

"Fine," I sighed. "I'll revise it."

"Good boy," she teased, ruffling my hair as I tried to duck away from her touch. "I've got to run a few errands. Your father said to meet him at the jobsite at ten. It's the one out on Maple. I'll see you at dinner."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye," she called out as she headed out the door with her bag and keys. I followed behind her a few minutes later to go meet my father for work, already counting the hours until I was going to talk Edward again.

"**~~**"

I was nervous about calling him. My day had been spent worrying about him, about what he was facing without me.

"Hey, baby," I greeted when he answered the phone. I had been home just long enough to shower the construction dust off me and change before sitting at my desk and calling my boy.

"Hey," he returned. He was tired, I could tell by his voice, but I could almost see his attempt at a smile. "How was work?"

"Long. I don't know how my dad does it every day. It's tiring as fuck. This job is almost done though, so that's good. What did you do today?"

"Homework, napped and…" He stopped and my heart skipped a beat before pounding its way out of my chest.

"And?" I hedged.

"Umm….I watched some old game film," he admitted softly.

"Oh, baby," I sighed, closing my eyes.

"It's okay. I mean, it was hard, but it was okay," he said unconvincingly.

"I wish you had waited until I was there with you, we could have watched them together."

All I could see was him sitting alone in his chair, his prison, as he watched himself on television, running up and down the court, high fiving his teammates after a good play. He saw himself happy…normal. I knew he had cried, I knew he had closed his eyes a few times, hoping that when he opened them the metal and rubber surrounding him would be gone.

It never was.

"No, it was better this way. I needed to do it. Part of giving up my old life I think," he murmured.

"You don't have to give it up, Edward. You just have to be ready to try a different one," I said quietly.

"And that means no more basketball," he whispered.

"No, but it means a different kind of basketball," I offered. "Just like us. Remember you told me you couldn't get hard and you thought we would never do anything sexual again? But we do, it's different than before, but it's still just as amazing."

"Yeah," he conceded a little. I listened to him breathe for a few minutes while he tossed things over in his mind. When he was ready to talk again, I was there. "Are you driving me to school tomorrow?"

I let him change the subject, I wasn't going to push.

"Yeah, but I can't give you a ride home. It's the first day of track practice," I reminded him. "But I will be by your place as soon as it's over. Probably around five."

"I hate my mother picking me up," he groaned. "I can't wait until I can drive again."

We were both silent, I think we were both surprised at his words. While he had a good reason, since the accident, he hadn't said anything or shown any interest in driving again.

"Tired of being chauffeured?"

"I like being chauffeured by you, but not my parents. It's harder with them."

"How come?"

"They don't hold my hand," he murmured.

"Sorry, baby," I sighed, my heart clenching tightly for him. I was tempted to grab my keys and go to his house right then. I didn't care if it was almost eight, I wanted to hold him, tell him it was all going to be okay.

Even if I wasn't sure that it was myself.

"Are you glad track is starting up again?" he asked, bringing the subject back to me again. I could almost see him on his bed, his eyes darting around his room, trying to avoid the corner with the medical supplies he seemed to hate so much.

"Not really," I admitted.

"Why?"

"Because it takes time away from being with you," I whispered.

"Yeah, but you need to run again. Kicking some ass on the track is good for you."

I laughed. "I'd still rather be with you."

"Me too."

"Will you come to my meets? Cheer me on like you used to?"

"Of course," he answered, but I heard a hint of sadness in his voice.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "It just really sucks sometimes."

"I know, baby."

There was a long moment of just his soft breaths.

"I should go. I'm going to shower so I don't have to do in the morning. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yep, I'll be there at seven. Be safe, baby."

"See ya, love," he mumbled before hanging up.

I wanted to call him back and tell him to fight what was growing inside him, but instead I just stared at my phone, willing my strength to him through it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop the world and all the bad shit in it to just melt with my boy.

"Come in," I said when I heard a knock on my door, and my mother opened it.

"This sounds much better," she said, tossing the revised letter to the editor on my bed. "I think it's good to send in."

"Thanks," I said, trying to smile.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah."

"Edward?"

"He seemed to be doing pretty good for awhile but since the game, he's been down and I don't know how to help him. What if I can't?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"Is he talking to anyone?"

"What do you mean?"

"A therapist of some kind."

"No. He's got his PT guy, but I don't know how much they talk. Right after the accident, Mrs. Cullen suggested therapy to him but he refused."

"Well, it won't do much good to just sit across the desk from someone you refuse to talk to. Then it just becomes a staring contest."

"Yeah, and he's pretty stubborn."

"Sounds familiar," she quipped. "Jasper, you need to accept that there are going to be times that you can't make it right," she said wisely.

"But I'm the reason he's down. I screwed up, I need to fix it," I growled.

"You can't. He needs to make this decision on his own. Let him try to fix it, just be there if he needs backup. That's what your father and I do with you. We let you mess up and try to fix, and just be there if you can't."

I smiled. "Thanks, Mom."

"Anytime. Night."

"Night."

I spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling wishing Edward was next to me, remembering better times, times when worrying about having sex had been our biggest fear.

It was a few weeks after his birthday, the autumn days were getting shorter and we were getting more anxious for the end of December. Edward had a rare Saturday off and we told our parents we were going hiking. We wanted to be completely alone and not worry about being caught. After packing a bag with a blanket, lube and the dildo, we headed for our meadow. Edward was a nervous wreck the entire way there, but he still raced me up the trail, shaking his head when he realized I let him win. Minutes after walking into the clearing, we were naked and I was on my knees with his delicious cock filling my mouth. The scent of the forest was strong in the wind as it blew over us. Dark clouds loomed ominously in the sky, but Edward didn't notice. I stopped before he came, wanting to keep him on the brink of his orgasm, his body hovering on that line, so he was needy when the time came for the dildo. When I released his cock from my mouth, he swayed backwards and I gripped his hips, gently guiding him to his knees. With a dazed smile, he lay on his back and I crawled over him, staring down at his face as he ran a hand up and down my arm.

"I don't know if I can do this," he admitted in a shaky voice.

"You can. We'll go slow," I promised.

We had talked many times about our first time, where we wanted to be and of course, who would top and who would bottom. I was eager for either one, but Edward always said that he wanted to bottom first because he didn't want to hurt me. I told him I didn't want to hurt him either, but I wanted to make love to him, give him my virginity. We had watched porn together, we'd seen the pained expressions on the bottom's faces as their lovers entered them. We had also seen the expressions turn to ones of desire.

"I'm scared," he said quietly.

"Me too. But I have to admit, I'm pretty fucking excited too," I chuckled.

"Wait until it's your ass, then let's see how excited you are," he countered with a smile.

Lowering myself, I captured his lips in a long, deep kiss, brushing my lips over his and sharing his flavor as my hips began to grind into his. There was nothing better than feeling our slickened cocks move along each other as I fisted his hair and groaned into the kiss. He hands ran down my back, briefly groping my ass before moving to my hips, his nails digging into my flesh. Ripping his mouth from me, he pressed his head into the ground, the tendons in his throat bulging.

"Stop, stop," he cried out, pushing my weight off his hips. "Too close."

I rolled off him, panting as I watched him close his eyes and take deep breaths calm himself. Lying by his side, I skimmed a light touch along his skin, watching the goose bumps rise in its wake.

"Better?" I asked, my fingers threading through the short copper hairs that framed his cock.

"I might be if you stopped touching me," he chuckled, his hand reaching down to grab my wrist and stop my teasing. "You know what goes around, comes around, right?" His gazed at me, even without the sun, there was a light dancing in his eyes.

"I'm counting on it," I challenged, my hand breaking free of his weak grasp and moving to his balls. Tugging on them, I rolled them in my palm before tickling the soft skin behind them. His hand fell to his side, clutching the blanket when I moved my touch to his needy cock.

"Fuck, yeah," he sighed, content when I began a loose stroke, just enough to keep him on that edge. Leaning down, I took his nipple into my mouth, sucking it hard. Long fingers were tangled in my hair, tugging on the waves to keep me fused to his body.

As if I wanted to be anyplace else.

He groaned and arched his back, lifting himself off the blanket. I released his nipple and looked down at him. Even though he hadn't told me he was close, I could tell from the look on his face, the way it scrunched up in effort to hold off. Slowing my pace, I flicked my tongue along his collarbone, tasting the slight hint of pine on him.

"No, don't stop," he complained, clenching his eyes as his hips bucked up to fuck my hand when I paused.

"Baby, you can't come yet," I murmured into his skin. He breathed through the brink of his climax before nodding. I moved my mouth to his, kissing him deeply, our tongues swirling several times before I broke the kiss and sat up. His cock was red and swollen with desire as I released it, letting it bounce against his abdomen.

"Jesus," he growled, clearly frustrated.

I reached for the bag, pulling out the lube and dildo, putting them on the blanket before tossing the bag aside. Moving, I spread his legs apart and kneeled between them. He watched me as I dripped some lube on my fingers and snapped the bottle closed.

"Just my fingers, nothing we haven't done," I assured him as I lowered my hand. Taking his cock into one hand, I traced his hole with my slick finger a few times before pressing against it. He winced for only a second before he was actively pushing against me.

"Please," he moaned, his eyes begging me for more.

I slipped my finger inside him, amazed at how tight he was, and wondering how he would ever stretch to fit something as large as the dildo…or me. Between my legs, my cock ached at the thought of being sheathed by something so tight, so hot and deep.

"Mmm, yeah, more, love," he groaned as I eased my finger into him a few times.

I slid a second finger inside, feeling his muscles clamping around them, simultaneously welcoming and forcing out the intrusion. A few strokes later, he was writhing on the blanket, lifting his ass to meet my hand, silently wanting more. His own hands traveled over his body, pinching his nipples, running a finger over his lips, gripping his balls, even lightly resting on my hand that lazily pumped him. His body was tight with need, his abs flexing as he moved his hips, his eyes were closed and he released a long groan.

"Are you ready?"

Snapping his eyes open, he looked at me. Immediately the lust in them faded to fear, and I pulled my fingers from him, running my hand up and down his thigh.

"We don't have to do this, baby," I told him.

He furrowed his brows for a second before speaking. "It's going to hurt whether it's you or the toy," he reasoned.

"Not if you don't bottom. I'll do it instead," I offered. I was just as fucking scared as he was, maybe even more, but there wasn't any amount of fear or pain that I wouldn't endure to be with him.

"No, I want to, I'm just nervous."

"If you need me to stop, just tell me okay? Should we use a safe word?"

"You mean like Fluffernutter?" he teased.

"I was just trying to help," I said, defeated and looking at a spot on the blanket.

Pushing himself up until he was sitting in front of me, he tugged on my waist, pulling me closer, until my cock was pressed against his ass. Placing a finger under my chin, he lifted it so that I was forced to look into his eyes.

"Hey, don't be like that. I was just trying to lighten the mood. I love you, I want to share this with you. We're both scared, but it'll be fine. I know it will," he breathed into the air between us, and I nodded.

"I love you too," I whispered before leaning forward for a kiss, sweeping my lips over his several times before I reached up to his shoulder and pushed him back to the blanket. Lowering himself, he watched me as I grabbed the dildo and lube. I poured the lube on it, spreading it out with my fingers until it was completely covered. Placing his feet firmly on the blanket, he spread his legs even further. I'd seen him naked many times, tasted him and felt him, but I'd never seen Edward like that, so vulnerable and open for me. It was breathtaking. His body was incredible, but it was the trust that he had in me that made what we were about to do even better. He was giving me something that no one had ever had, and that alone was beautiful.

"Breathe through it," I instructed him as I placed the flared head of the toy at his entrance. I held my own breath as I pushed the dildo forward, watching the puckered skin of his hole stretch to accept the toy. Edward winced, squeezing his eyes shut as he took short breaths through clenched teeth. Every muscle in his body tensed in protest to the pain.

"Fucking burns," he hissed, both of his hands gripping the blanket so hard his knuckles were turning white. Lying on his hip, his cock had begun to soften.

"Do you want me to stop?" I asked, caressing his thigh.

"No, keep going," he gasped.

I slowly eased the dildo into him, pausing after every inch to let him adjust to the new sensation, the more intense pain. Edward groaned a few times, biting down on his lip as he tried to even out his breathing. Once the toy was completely inside him, I stopped, waiting for a sign from him to continue. Gradually I saw his body begin to relax, his hands loosened their hold on the blanket, and he released his swollen lip from his teeth. When he nodded, I pulled the toy until it was almost all the way out before pushing it back in as gently as before.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, it still burns, but it's a little better," he said quietly, his voice deepening slightly. When I pressed the toy in further than before, Edward's eyes rolled back into his head and his cock twitched. "Oh fuck!"

"What, what?" I panicked, stopping. Edward let go of the blanket and took his cock into his hand, stroking it back to life.

"Do that again," he demanded, not answering my question. Watching him intently, I pulled the toy out and steadily pushed it back in the same depth as before. "Oh my God. Right there, Jesus."

Excited by his reaction, I began to slide the dildo in and out of him at an even pace. My own cock was rigid, throbbing between my legs, and I gripped it, hoping to find some relief. I knew fucking Edward with a toy would be a turn on, but I never expected seeing his body's reaction to it to be so fucking erotic.

His hand quickened the pace on his own cock, while his other hand went to a nipple and tugged on the hard bud.

"Does it feel good, baby?" I whispered huskily. The musky scent of our arousals hung thick in the humid air.

Unable to respond, he moaned and arched his back when I struck his gland again.

Then I saw a drop of water land on his stomach. Glancing up to the sky, another landed on my face. The sky was darker than before and there was a clap of thunder in the far distance.

"Babe," I began, feeling another drop on my shoulder.

"Don't you fucking stop now," he warned me with a throaty growl, his hand furiously stroking himself. My own pace increased the more I watched him, and I felt my own orgasm sitting low in my belly.

"You look so fucking hot right now, baby. Your ass is so tight," I murmured. The random drops turned into a light rain, but I never stopped moving the toy in him.

"Fucking close, so close…" he babbled endlessly through staggered breaths until the sound of thunder overpowered him. It was closer, the storm was less than a few miles away, and we were naked in the middle of a meadow. Edward shamelessly moved against the toy, wanting it deeper. I obliged, knowing the tip of it was striking his prostate and sending bolts of pleasure through his body that overrode any pain he had felt before. Desperate to reach the orgasm that had teased him for almost an hour, he frantically stroked himself, his hand moving over his cock at a blinding pace before his entire body stilled.

And then, as the sky opened up and the rain crashed down around us, he came.

"Coming," he cried out. There wasn't a muscle that didn't tighten just before his cock erupted, releasing long ribbons of cum onto his chest and abs. The spasms of his ass embraced the toy, and my own cock pulsed at the sight. I looked up at his face, at the look of pure ecstasy on it, and there was no more holding back. The sweet fire in my balls spread up and out, and my orgasm traveled through me in strong waves that matched the rumbling thunder in the dark sky. Edward lifted his head and looked at me just as I came, my cock spraying cum over him, mixing with his own. Panting, I lolled my head back on my shoulders and felt the rain cooling my heated skin.

"Wow," Edward chuckled, falling back onto the blanket. Lifting my head, I saw him gasping for breath, his chest still heaving from his orgasm.

"I'm going to take it out, baby," I said as began to ease the toy from his body. His used hole pulsed at the absence, lube still shining around it. "You okay?" I asked, putting the dildo on the blanket. Edward was soaked, his hair was flattened to his head when he nodded.

"Yeah," he sighed, and then started laughing.

"What are you laughing at?" I smiled, shaking my wet hair off my face.

"I was thinking it was a good thing the dildo was rubber," he chuckled.

"Why?"

"It meant we were grounded in case there was lightning."

I slapped his thigh. "Dork. Are you sore?"

"A little. It stings, but nothing I can't handle."

Another clap of thunder, even closer than the last, boomed over us.

"We should probably go, huh?" he said, pushing himself up onto his hands.

"Yeah, but not before I do this," I replied, curling a hand around his neck and drawing him to me for a kiss, licking the raindrops off his lips with my tongue. His hands gripped my arms as he lay back and pulled me down with him, my body flush on his, our cocks pressed together. Kissing Edward was enough to make me forget there was a thunderstorm happening, that the sky was streaking with a rare flash of lightning over the tree line as the heart of storm approached. Fingers carded through hair, lips parted and met again and again, and breaths were exchanged as we shared all that we were. Finally breaking the kiss, I lifted my head and stared down at my beautiful, and very wet, boy.

"I love you," I whispered reverently. Tilting his head, he gazed at me with such adoration it stole my breath from my lungs.

"I'm yours forever," he mouthed before kissing me again. When the ground shook beneath us from the thunder over us, I pulled away, resisting the urge to keep kissing his bruised lips.

"We gotta go, babe," I said loudly over the rain. The next round of thunder was even louder and closer and Edward jumped. Laughing, we scrambled for our clothes, struggling to tug the wet jeans and tee shirts on over our soaked bodies. Edward folded up the blanket, cramming it into the bag while I held it open for him. He put the toy and lube in an outside zippered pocket and then we sprinted for the tree line bordering the meadow. Once we were under the cover of the huge redwoods, we slowed to a jog. We shoved and pushed each other down the trail, laughing and jumping over puddles and fallen logs. Edward didn't move as gingerly as I expected him to, but he was slightly slower than usual.

When we reached the car, we were completely drenched and our sides hurt from laughing. Getting into the Volvo, he started it and turned on the heat to take off the chill. Edward rested his head against the seat, his body still shaking from the laughter bubbling up in him. Without warning, I yanked him to me, kissing him hard and deep, my tongue plunging into his mouth and sweeping deep over his. I felt his fingers fisting my tee shirt as he angled his head. It wasn't until we heard clap of thunder that we pulled away, gasping for breath.

"I can't get enough of you," I admitted quietly. Being with him stirred something feral in me, and my greedy body took over. Part of me thought it must be wrong to want somebody so much, with so much passion and love that it clouded everything else. No one could ever know how it felt.

Except one.

"I know. I feel the same way," he smiled.

The rain fell in sheets outside the car, but me and my boy made out, fogging up the windows for close to an hour. When his hand went to my cock, and I felt myself growing hard under his touch, I jerked back. We were well off the road, there was no way anyone could see Edward's car unless they were hiking up the trail, which in that weather, wasn't going to happen. Staring at him, I pleaded, licking my lips as he considered my unspoken suggestion. We got out and opened the back doors and put the seat down, opening up the back for us to lie in. Seconds later, the doors were closed and Edward was lying beside me, fingers fumbling with the buttons and zippers of our jeans. As soon as mine were undone, I pulled my briefs down over my erection and watched as Edward did the same.

"Do you want to…" he trailed off, his eyes glued to my dick.

"Yeah," I swallowed, pulling off my shirt before lifting my hips and pulling my pants down to my thighs. Arching his back, Edward tugged his pants down and yanked his shirt off before moving on top of me. Placing his hands beside my head, he rocked against me so our bare cocks glided along each other. The sound of the rain pounding the outside of the car was deafening. Looking out the window behind him, I saw lightning streak across the almost black sky.

"Fuck," I moaned loudly before pulling him to me for a kiss, clutching at his hair and clawing at his back. "Feels so fucking good, baby. I love way you feel on me."

He nodded, moving his lips from my mouth, over my jaw and down my neck, nipping at the tender skin as I strained to angle my head and give him more space. The once rhythmic movement of his hips soon became impatient.

No matter how much we kissed, how naked we were, or how many times we saw ecstasy in each other's eyes, we could never get close enough. We exchanged guttural moans, soft breaths and words of love as each snap of his hips brought us that much closer. Our bodies melded together perfectly as our cocks massaged each other.

"I fucking love you," I whispered in his ear, his head buried in the bend of my neck. We devoured each other with soft kisses until we were both sitting on the brink of our orgasms again. "I can't wait until you fuck me, baby. I want to feel your cock inside me."

"Fuck," he groaned, his body trembling above me.

"Are you close?"

Because I was really fucking close.

The coil inside me was ready to spring, it wasn't going to take anymore than a few thrusts of his talented hips.

"Yeah," he gasped, lifting his head to look down at me, capturing me in his fixed gaze. "I want to watch you come."

Sweat dripped from his forehead into my face. One hard thrust and my orgasm ripped through me and I grunted as my cock emptied warm cum between us.

"Jesus," he murmured above me. "Gonna come."

And he did. His cock jerked against mine and then I felt his cum warming my abdomen. Edward's eyes glazed over as his orgasm hit him hard. Dropping his forehead to mine, he sighed. Our bodies were sated and heavy.

"Babe…fucking amazing."

"You are one horny guy," he smiled.

"Got a problem with that?"

"Not at all," he denied. "But I do want to dry off before round three. I think I've got a towel." He moved off me, reaching to the back of the car and coming back to me with two towels in his hand. I sat up and peeled my wet clothes off me, using the towel to wipe off the cum.

"Wish there was a way to dry our clothes. Maybe we can lay them out on the defroster?" I suggested.

"That'll take forever."

"So? Not like we can't find anything to do," I winked.

Laughing, he climbed over the front seat and spread our clothes out along the dashboard, hanging them down over the vents before joining me in the back again. His hair stuck up everywhere from my hands pulling on the drying ends. He ran a hand through it and looked at me, his eyes traveling down my bare chest to the towel lying over my hips. As sated as I was, my cock twitched under his rapt stare.

"Babe?" I gulped.

Hesitantly, he brought his eyes back up to mine. The stereo softly played "Come Together" as he leaned toward me, and just as his lips met mine, my breath hitched with anticipation. Every time we kissed, it was like our first time all over again.

I never wanted that feeling to end.

While our clothes dried, we thrust, stroked, kissed, and came two more times while the thunderstorm surged around us.

Sighing, I adjusted my erection tenting my pajama pants, the memory of being with Edward in the meadow, of our time practicing, triggered an ache as well as desire. I remembered the way Edward had smelled, I remembered the way his ass embraced the toy, and the way he looked when the dildo tapped deep inside him. My cock hardened even further and I stood.

I was going to need to hit the shower again for some relief.

"**~~**"

I arrived at Edward's house a little before seven the next morning and went down to his room to find him packing his bag on the back of the chair. He looked up at me with tired eyes and dark circles under them. Whatever he had battled through the night without me had worn him down. Moving to him, I knelt and put my hands on his knees.

"Babe?"

He closed his eyes. "I'm okay. Just tired. I missed you last night."

"I missed you too. Just think, once we're at college, we can sleep together every night," I said, wiggling my eyebrows, earning me a small smile. "C'mon, hot lips, let's go to school."

He followed me outside and down the ramp. When I lifted him into the truck, he clung to me longer than usual before releasing me and moving across the seat. He clenched my hand all the way to school, his eyes always staring out his window at nothing. At school, I parked and got him into his chair. We headed into school, making our way to my locker before going to English.

I walked next to him.

I sat next to him.

I watched him.

He would glance behind his chair, or over his shoulder, sometimes sighing in relief, other times looking even more tired. Scribbling notes down on paper, he listened half heartedly to the teacher while I didn't listen at all. English was not my concern, Edward was. Wordless we went from class to class, splitting up for his music and my history class.

"I'll meet you at the cafeteria," I said as I left him at the door. He glanced inside the room and then nodded before pushing himself through the door. Torn between going in there and getting him and letting him fight it on his own, I stood and watched him as he went to his desk. He looked completely and utterly defeated.

Maybe it was time to step in, maybe he couldn't fight the battle alone anymore. Just as I went to open the door, the bell rang.

"Fuck," I muttered. One last glance to my distraught boy and I turned and left, breaking into a run to make it to WWll on time.

"Mr. Whitlock," Mr. Beatty said as I slipped through the door at the last second. I nodded and went to my seat in the back. I heard none of the lecture on Normandy. I heard nothing but Edward's quiet sobs from a few nights earlier.

The sound of him giving up.

After class, I walked quickly toward the cafeteria.

"So where did you guys end up the other night?" she asked, walking up beside me.

"The fanciest place in town," I smirked. "McDonald's. How about you?"

She raised an eyebrow.

"I know you guys left."

"What? How?"

"I went back the next day to drop off the ADA and the hostess was there, she said you guys left too."

"Yeah, we did. It didn't feel right to stay. The place has great pizza but they suck at customer service. The girl went to lead us to the table and none of us moved. It was like we all had decided what to do without even saying anything. We left and went to Mike's for a while."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really. Why do you say it like that?" she asked, already suspicious.

"Anything interesting happen?"

"You mean like Mike asking me out?" she quipped.

"Umm, yeah, like that. What did you say?"

"I told him I'd think about it."

I rolled my eyes and groaned. "Bella, that's like the kiss of death. You might as well have said no."

"Well, I wanted to talk to Edward first."

"He's fine with it, don't worry about him. If you want to go out with Newton, just go."

"Mike is a nice guy," she tossed out.

"Yeah, a real winner," I teased and she shoved me. Before we turned the corner to the lunchroom, I grabbed her arm. "I think you should tell Edward that you guys left the restaurant too."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I think he'd like to know that you guys backed him up."

"Okay."

We met Edward at the entrance. I shrugged when I saw his raised brow at Bella and me walking so close together. Going through the line, I grabbed food for us both, I didn't have to ask what he wanted, I already knew. I left my usual sarcastic remarks for the lunch ladies about their inadequate set up for Edward. They were used to it, I did it every day, but I wasn't going stop until the changes were made. Edward followed quietly behind me, not even apologizing to the workers like he usually did. We went to our table to find Newton, Eric and Angela already there. Bella sat next to Mike and he practically beamed.

"Cullen," Newton nodded as Edward rolled up the end of the table. I sat next to him on the corner to share the tray with our food on it.

"Newton," Edward returned.

Bella cleared her throat. "Jasper said you guys went to McDonald's the other night."

Confused, Edward nodded and then glanced at me.

"We left too," she said as casually as possible.

"You did?" he asked.

"Yeah, fuck that place. I mean, I can see not having an elevator, but they should have that other shit that Whitlock reeled off," Newton said, shifting in his chair. "I won't be going there again."

"Me neither," Angela agreed.

"Me neither," Eric said, backing up his girlfriend.

"Thanks, guys," Edward said, his voice a bit lighter than before.

"There are plenty of other places to get pizza," Bella suggested as she drank her milk.

"Speaking of," Mike began. "I'm thinking about having a birthday party at my place next weekend."

"You're birthday is like a month from now," Eric said.

"Yeah, but my parents are going away this weekend. You guys are all invited," Mike explained. "It's not going to be big like the Halloween party, just some friends hanging out."

"Sounds fun," I said, looking knowingly at Bella. She blushed and looked down at her food. When I looked at Edward, I saw a slight tint to his cheeks as well, and I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was.

Laundry room.

After lunch, Edward and I headed to gym class. I changed into sweatpants and a tee shirt in the locker room while he went into the gym. When I walked in, he was sitting at the three point line staring at the basket in front of him.

We were alone and I walked over and stood next to him.

"This used to be my shot. I was almost guaranteed to make it from here. Didn't matter if someone was on me, I'd just fake an upshot, dribble to the left once and shoot."

"You have a beautiful jump shot," I said.

"Had."

It was quiet in the gym, but we could hear the muffled sounds of the rest of the class as they made their way into the locker rooms.

"What if I'm no good anymore?" he whispered, finally taking his eyes from the basket and bringing them to me.

"You won't know unless you try, but I don't think skill like yours just goes away."

Before he could reply, the other kids filtered in and he put on the brave face he wore with everyone else. We made it through a few games of dodgeball without any problems. One might think Edward was an easier target in the chair, but he was getting better at weaving it around people. Edward took out his frustrations on the other team, nailing a few of them pretty fucking hard. After class, I stayed in my gym clothes for track practice and walked Edward out to the parking lot. Mrs. Cullen was there waiting in the handicapped spot and Edward sighed.

"It doesn't mean anything," I said to him. Sighing, he nodded, but I don't think he believed me. "I'll be by when practice is over."

"Okay."

"Be safe…"

"See ya…"

I watched him as he wheeled himself to his mother's car. She got out and went to his side. He moved into her car easily and then she put his chair in the trunk. As she back out and pulled away, Edward looked at me. I waved but he didn't wave back.

Practice sucked.

I hadn't run much distance in weeks, all my running had pretty much consisted of jogging to school or Edward's when I didn't have the truck. A cold drizzle fell and by the time I finished the warm up lap, my lungs burned and my tee shirt was damp with rain and sweat. After a meeting with the team and the coaches to go over expectations and rules, the upperclassmen were all sent off to do our own workouts while the freshmen continued with the coaches. I stretched for a few minutes before starting my run. At first my pace was easy, my breaths even and rhythmic, matching the slapping of my feet against the track. I stayed on the outside lane, pumping my arms as I gradually increased my speed over each quarter mile. Just as I hit the two mile mark, my lungs began to sting in protest as I gulped air into them, and the muscles in my calves and thighs ached with the strain of my strides. Each one was longer and harder than the one before it, and I began passing sprinters who were running along the inside of the track. I'd never been a sprinter, even Edward could beat me in a short race because he was trained for quick bursts of speed for basketball. I was a distance runner, I had a beautiful pace that my body fell into effortlessly, but I also had a nice finishing kick that usually kept me in the top three places.

Whenever I ran, each time my foot hit the pavement, I was reminded of what Edward couldn't do. He would never get out of his chair and run next to me again, I would never hear his laughter as I teased him about being slow, or hear his growl of determination when I began to pull away from him. Never again would he feel the burn in his legs that I felt, that pain that hovered between pleasurable and excruciating.

I used to love running. It cleared my head, made me feel alive and free.

Now all it did was make me feel guilty.

Thoughts weaved in my mind, tangling in each other as they morphed from one to the next, fogging up my head and blurring my vision. I had fucked up Edward by bringing him to the basketball game, I had forced him to face something he wasn't emotionally ready to handle all because I thought he needed it. Regardless of thinking I was doing the right thing, I didn't, and I needed to fix it, fix him. It was the how that I didn't know. My boy's soul was broken, and there didn't seem to be anything I could do to help. The progress he had made over the past few weeks had been wiped clean by me assuming I knew what was best.

Taking heaving breaths, I barely saw the track in front of me as the tears welled in my eyes before spilling over the edge. I pounded the track with each stride, the frosty air bit my cheeks and nose, and the wind blew my hair back, knotting the waves together. I lost track of the distance I had gone, only vaguely aware of the other students running on the track with me. It wasn't until I heard someone yelling my name several times that I noticed my teammates were heading toward the gym.

Gradually slowing to a walk, I followed them, stretching my aching muscles along the way. I wanted to get to Edward's as soon as possible, I needed to see him and be with him. I needed him to tell me how to fix him. Not even bothering to shower, I dressed and jogged to the truck, tossing my bag on the seat before jumping in and starting it. "Let It Be" played on the stereo, and I turned it up, hoping the lyrics might drown out my thoughts as I drove to his house.

There were no cars in Edward's driveway but it wasn't empty. I pulled up to the curb in front of his house and watched the movement through my windshield, not sure if I should smile or not. Taking a deep breath, I got out and walked up the drive.

There was a painted semicircle on the wide driveway that he and I had painted a few summers before when he had decided he needed to work on his outside shot. We had even measured the distance so that it was a perfect three point arc. The wheels of his chair sat right behind the fading white line as he reached up with his arms and effortlessly shot the basketball, swishing it through the net. He was soaked, his hair was flattened and his tee shirt clung to his muscular shoulders.

His arms dropped to his side and he cocked his head as he heard me approach behind him. There was a storm around him, a thick haziness that seemed to envelop him in an opaque cloud. The ball bounced a few times on the wet pavement and I ran over to it, dribbling it before passing it to him. Instinctively, he caught it, his hands barely touching it before he was releasing it into the air again for another perfect shot. Neither of us said a word as I rebounded it again and passed it back to him.

He sank another.

As soon the ball was through the net, he closed his eyes.

I wanted to know what was going to in his beautiful mind, what tortured memories were haunting him as he sat there so still, so quiet. The ball rolled onto the grass as I stood there in the rain and stared at him only a few feet away, witnessing him fight his battle against the dark storm shrouding him.

"C'mon, baby," I mouthed to myself. "You can do it."

As if he heard me, his eyes opened, immediately capturing mine. They were a thousand different shades of green, from the color of moss to the pale petals of a flower, but beyond the facets of color was something else.

They were clear.

The fog around him gradually faded, the storm finally beginning to move on, leaving him exhausted, but the victor of the battle. Holding my gaze, he was completely still, taking from me what strength I offered to rebuild his own. I felt what little I had drain from me and move to him as his eyes brightened ever so slightly. Biting my lip, I waited.

Then I saw a small flicker of hope.

"I want to go back," he breathed.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

The Seattle team for the NWBA is the Jr Sonics (named after the defunct NBA team), however I took creative license with the Port Angeles team because there is none, and I didn't want the boys driving 3 hrs to a game.

I have added two banners made my LostImortal to my profile, thank YOU!

M&A won Best Group Sex the Golden Lemon Awards, (the J/E/R DP outtake) thank you so, so much for those that read, nominated and voted. Riley would be so proud! The banner is on my profile, thank you all again!

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