With Or Without You
Chapter 6
BPOV
Carlisle stood at the gate of my Father's house and just stared, then his face broke into an enormous grin.
"Bella. I can't believe it. All our prayers have been answered."
He strode down the path and grabbed me into a bear hug that would do his eldest son proud.
"You have probably saved Edward's life. Tell me everything."
"Where is Edward?" I replied. "I kind of expected him to insist on coming with you."
"Oh he would have, no doubt at all, but he's away at the moment. Visiting Boston."
"Boston? I was just there," I growled. "I only arrived here yesterday. Jake and I have been sitting on the computer waiting for an answer from you."
"I'm not sure whether to call him or not. He's been under so much stress I fear he could have a medical incident if he hears this news via a phone call. Better we just ask him to come home."
He called my husband's phone and put his cell on speaker mode so I could hear Edward's velvety voice.
"Edward? I was hoping you might have spent enough time away from us now, and that you'd come home as soon as possible."
"Has something happened to Kristie?" Edward panicked.
"No. She's fine. She misses her Daddy."
"I'm booked on the noon flight on Thursday already. It was the first seat available. Is there anything that can't wait two more days?"
"No, of course not. See you then, son."
I kissed the phone impulsively and smothered a giggle.
"Dad? Did you just kiss your cell phone?"
"Of course not. That would be a very unmanly thing to do. Emmett would take away my Man Card."
"He would. See you soon. Kiss the baby for me. You know, a live warm blooded human being rather than a plastic device."
"I shall do as you ask. Bye son."
Carlisle ended the call and ruffled my hair.
"Thanks for that, Bella. Now my son thinks I've gone all touchy feely in my old age."
xxxx
"Thanks so much for coming here so quickly," I stated.
"I knew Jacob and Charlie would never put a message like that on their blog if it wasn't earth shakingly important. And it certainly was. Now tell what happened, and how you escaped the blast? And where you have been hiding."
" Marcus and Cass told me so many lies all I can tell you is what they told me and what we've put together ourselves.
Jake and I were shopping for trinkets to decorate Charlie's late lamented house. My car got a flat. Jacob came back and fixed it so I arrived later than I'd hoped. Jake had called Alice for me and asked her to go and sit with Kristie at our house, so Edward could go on shift.
I'd bought two matching yellow jugs, and filled one of them with wildflowers, then placed it on the windowsill in the front room.
That's when Marcus drove by and saw me.
Then I went out the backdoor to pick more flowers for the second jug. The flowers near the house were virtually all picked, by hikers so I was grumbling about having to walk down the path into the forest, and that's when the house blew up.
I remember falling to the ground and hitting my head. I may have blacked out. Then my ears hurt a whole lot and my head felt like it was splitting open. I wandered around to the front yard, called out to Marcus who was on the ground...and nothing. I woke up weeks later in Boston Private Nursing Facility.
Marcus told me Charlie was dead.
Cass told me Marcus was on assignment, but he was dead. Really dead. Heart attack. They kept me hospitalized and finally Cass admitted Dad was alive and the entire Cullen family were dead. Luckily I didn't believe him.
Just thinking now that it may have been true is scary.
I assumed Marcus had hidden you all in Witness Protection. Off the books. I had no clue how to find you all, so I came to La Push to see Charlie and Jake, in case they were missing me.
Jacob told me you and Emmett had faked your deaths in the three cars on the cliff and he saw you all walk off into the night.
He and Dad told me they suspected their blog was more for Edward's sake than theirs, so Jake wrote the message hoping you and Edward would come out of hiding. Are you sure Edward is okay?"
"His life is about to get a whole lot better," Carlisle replied with a grin, hugging my shoulders with his arm.
"I hope he's ready for another kid," Jake said stealing my thunder.
"Bella?" Carlisle said happily. "When did this happen? Edward has no idea. He'd have grieved all the harder if he knew you were pregnant."
"Well, the thing is, I didn't tell him I'd stopped taking the Pill," I admitted. "My period was due the day of the explosion. I guess this nudger is one very determined little baby."
"Or maybe he just gripped on really tightly," Jake suggested.
I looked at Carlisle's beaming face.
"Edward is going to be so relieved to find out that you are alive, I doubt he'd mind if you came home with octuplets in your belly. Oh this is undoubtedly the very best day of our lives. We have all missed you, Bella. It goes without saying that Edward has been a cot case, but Esme has suffered deeply as well. I can't wait to see her face when she sees you."
"Please take me to wherever you guys are living now. I have to see Kristie."
I wasn't sure if I would ever share the news that for months I'd forgotten my daughter existed.
"Charlie? Can you bear to let her go yet? This must have been such a shock for you."
"She belongs to Edward now," my Dad said sagely. "Bella, bring my granddaughter to visit, soon."
It was harder than I expected, saying Goodbye to everyone already but my arms ached to hold Kristie, if Edward was not available.
"Where are we going?"I asked as Jake dropped us off at the wharf, and waved as he went back to his family.
"The island. Where else?"
"I never thought of the island. Of course it's obvious now. It's the best possible place to hide."
My father-in-law updated me on all the progress the various babies had made in my absence but naturally I just wanted more and more news of my daughter.
I couldn't hear enough about how well she was talking now, and how Jasper had taught her to swim in the warm lagoon. I moved restlessly in my seat, thinking about things we had done in that same lagoon.
Wow, we'd have to behave and act like grown-ups now when Kristie or the other kids were around.
Carlisle was getting more and more excited as we neared the island. It was clear how much he lived to make Esme happy. I guess I was one good gift.
He cut the motor and jumped onto the dock, tying up the ropes.
"Take my hand. I can hardly keep myself from running you inside," he laughed as he hurried us both to the main house.
I looked around. The island hadn't changed one bit.
"Edward and Kristie live in the lighthouse normally," he informed me. "She's staying with us this week while he's away."
"Does he go away a lot?" I asked.
"First time. Esme will explain why. Come on, hurry it up girl."
They were all there, except Esme, sitting in the main sitting room, drinking coffee and chatting. One by one they looked up, stopped talking, and froze in turn.
"Bella!" Emmett finally roared, jumping to his feet and heading straight for me. "The ghost who walks."
"Lady with a baby. Take care, Emmett," his father warned him.
"Say what? Dare I ask?" Emmett smirked.
"It's Edward's, you tool," I retorted.
"Hey. It was my idea. I never gave it a single thought, if you'd succeeded or not while you were..." Rose faltered.
"Dead?" I replied. "Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated, as they say."
"Mine too," she replied, taking my hands and surveying my bump.
"Very nice. Maybe this will put a smile on Edward's face."
"You have told him, right?" Alice asked, pushing in front of Rose to kiss my cheek.
"I've contacted Edward and asked him to come home," Carlisle replied. "That's all. Do not tell him anything if he calls any of you. He's on the first available flight, but in two days time. I don't want him rushing about looking for some dodgy private pilot to bring him earlier."
Jasper walked to my side and put his arms around me.
"Welcome home, Bella."
xxxx
Carlisle led me outside where his wife sat surrounded by short people. Bree was rounding up small boys like a sheepdog.
I waved and put my finger to my lips, and she beamed, clapping her hands silently.
Kristie was demolishing a garden bed and her gran was urging her to 'be gentle.'
I sat down beside her on the grass and she turned.
"Alice, I..."
Her mouth gaped like a fish.
"Bella. Dear God in Heaven. Is it really you?"
"Seems to be. Thanks for taking such good care of my daughter while I couldn't."
"Are you hurt? Is everything okay? What happened?"
I guess I'd be repeatedly answering the same questions over and over until everyone knew everything.
"Long story. I'm fine. About six and half months pregnant but fine."
I stretched out and my eyes stayed glued on my daughter as she stood there, looking confused.
"We don't get visitors," Esme explained. "She's gotten used to the same small group of people. I'm sure she will remember you."
"Let her be. I want her to decide for herself if she wants to come to me."
Carlisle and Bree gathered up the other children and took them inside and I sat there with the woman who had been more of a mother to me than Renee ever was.
"I missed you all, but especially you. After Edward and Kristie ,of course," I laughed.
"Oh, does Edward know? Is he on his way home?"
"He doesn't know but Carlisle doesn't want him told until he gets here. In two days. He fears Edward may do something reckless to get here sooner if he knows. What is he doing in Boston?"
"Oh. Bella, first please believe me when I tell you he only went because he wants what's best for Kristie."
"And him going to Boston is good for her how?"
She looked uncomfortable.
"He's been so depressed ever since that awful day. Carlisle asked him to talk online to bed bound patients and he struck up a friendship with a girl in Boston Private. He thought there might be some tenuous connection between them, but it's nothing, Bella. He just wanted to meet her face to face and see if they could be friends. He felt he owed it to his daughter to try to find her a possible future stepmom, but I assure you,nothing's going on. He called last night.
She's been released and he couldn't convince anyone to tell him her name or where she lived. They just talked every evening after Kristie went to sleep. Once he knows you are alive and back with us, he'll never give Girl Next Door another thought."
"He doesn't call himself GreekGod by any chance?" I said with a grin. Now I thought about it, everything I knew about GG fitted.
"Yes. How did you know that?"
I put out my hand.
"Pleased to meet you, GreekGod's mother. Allow me to formally introduce myself. I'm his Girl Next Door. He's been talking to me for months."
xxxx
Kristie had been circling us, sneaking up to drop a single bloom onto Esme's lap while keeping a wary eye on me. I knew better than to rush her. When Laird was a baby and strangers tried to grab him and kiss his face,he'd panicked and screamed blue murder. I didn't want that as the beginning of our renewed relationship.
We'd been apart half a year. I could wait a few more days.
She fetched another flower and cautiously tossed it to me from several paces away.
I picked it up and sniffed it.
"Hello Kristie," I said quietly."Thank you for the flower. It's very pretty."
She moved closer.
"I'm your Mama."
"Mama," she repeated, testing the word on her lips.
Esme leaned in and kissed me loudly on the cheek. "I love Mama so much. Mama is our friend," she exclaimed, rubbing my arm and making a big show of affection.
"Mama," Kristie repeated again, looking me over.
Carlisle appeared with very welcome cups of tea and a feeding cup for Kristie. He sat down and she plonked onto his lap and drank her drink, never taking her eyes off me. She pulled the spout from her mouth and pointed at me.
"Mama."
"Yes, that's your Mama," he agreed. When she'd finished drinking, she wandered over toward me and stood a few feet away.
Carlisle leaned forward and slipped a cookie into my hand. I held it up.
"Yum. I love cookies. Do you like cookies?"
I had a feeling this was not the usual sugar laden variety and I wondered if it was indeed a broccoli cookie. I wouldn't put it past Edward to insist his child never ate sugar any more.
Kristie took the offered cookie from my hand and bit into it. Then she broke it into two and handed me one of the halves.
It was a small victory, but very meaningful to me. She didn't recognise me but she was willing to accept my presence.
Later I stood by and watched the children being bathed and dressed in their pajamas. Alice and Rose had the routine perfected so I didn't interfere. Tommy suddenly looked at me with a grin.
"Bella. You are Bella. "
"No," Kristie objected. "She is Mama."
"Bella is Kristie's Mama," Alice told Tommy.
And when we went back down the hallway to the sitting room, Kristie put her warm little hand inside mine.
xxxx
I sat there staring at the sleeping child curled in my lap and finally got why Edward always found it fascinating to watch the girls he loved sleep. I smoothed the auburn ringlets from her face and catalogued the changes in her face and body since I'd last been with her. She was taller, and slimmer, and her face was less babyish and rounded than I remembered.
I regretted all the yesterdays that we had missed out on, but more than that I looked forward to the tomorrow's yet to come that we would share.
Esme insisted I sleep in the last remaining guest room until her son returned ,so I slipped into the small bed beside my daughter's crib, and enjoyed the feeling of anticipation in my belly.
One more night after this night, and Edward would come home to me.
xxxx
It was amazing how seamlessly Kristie and I slipped back into old routines. Esme let the toddler make all the decisions. I was chosen to help her with her breakfast. She wanted Gran to dress her for the day, but then she toddled to where I sat and handed me her hairbrush.
"Mama do Kristie's pretty hair please."
I gently brushed her soft auburn curls and longed once again for Edward. Her hair was his hair, and touching hers made me long to run my fingers through his hair. As I tied up little bunches of curls with two blue ribbons, I guess I sighed out loud.
"I guess it's been way too long to be apart from Romeo," Rose suggested.
"How has he been? Really?" I asked her. Rose would tell the truth and not sugar coat it.
"You know Edward. It's been the hardest thing he has ever endured. Now and then he looks longingly down from the cliff top and wishes he could just jump and end his anguish, but then he remembers how he promised you he would always put his child first, and he walks away. If not for her, he wouldn't have even lasted long enough to come to the island.
Even so, I think some days he wishes he'd been in his car when it exploded."
"The Volvo?" I said in surprise. "Aro blew up the Volvo?"
"Minutes after Edward got to the hospital car park that night. Carlisle went to get him and by luck he didn't drive off the road, just waited for Edward to run over to him, so nobody got hurt."
"I wish I'd gotten to put the lethal injection into his arm myself," I growled.
"No way. If anyone got to kill that mofo it should have been me," she replied."It was my turn to screw him."
xxxx
We played on the beach most of the afternoon and we'd just fed, bathed and put the children to bed when Carlisle came in and pulled me aside.
"Edward got a standby seat. He's due to arrive here on the island around eleven tonight. What do you want to do? How are we handling this? I've told him to leave the baby with us until morning."
"Good. I want to leave Kristie here in the crib and go wait for him in the lighthouse alone. He won't have a heart attack or anything, right?"
"He's young, and fit, and healthy. He should be okay. Forgive him if he bursts into tears. It's going to be very emotional."
"I think tears are inevitable," I replied. But I wanted more than tears. I wanted the hole in my chest to close, and I wanted to feel real again.
Esme and I had cleaned the top bedroom and made the bed. She wished roses grew here so we could scatter their petals everywhere, up the winding staircase, all over the bed, but I felt things could easily get way too heavy if we tried that caper.
I said my goodnights and headed for the door.
"Hey Bella," Emmett called. "Don't let him break all the furniture in his enthusiasm."
"Sorry Emmett, it's going to happen," I yelled back. "You might want to wear headphones to bed. We get pretty noisy at times."
I walked along the sand and wondered if I would be able to avoid having a heart attack myself.
I could feel my heart beating like a trapped bird in my chest.
It was important to make this all about us, but it had to be a happy reunion. I didn't want us to be overwhelmed, and so fraught with anxiety that it felt too much to bear.
Suddenly I knew just what to do.
I skipped over the remaining distance to the lighthouse and headed upstairs.
xxxx
EPOV
What the fuck had I been thinking?
As if I was ready yet to make any kind of contact with other women. To tell the truth, I'd been relieved when the kindly nurse Gloria admitted she knew the girl I was looking for, then informed she had gone. And she honestly had no idea where.
She even refused to give me the girl's real name but I understood. It was more than her job was worth.
"Anything else I can help you with?" she asked with a hint of a flirtatious smile. "Boy,if I was twenty years younger..."
Even if she had been, I was already going ice cold on the whole idea of trying to meet other women. I'd been temporarily insane. I couldn't do this, not even for Kristie. How would I ever cope if I had to actually have sex with some other woman?
If I found my daughter a stepmom, I dare say the woman would expect making love to be part of the deal and I'd never manage.
The wind ripped through my hair. I was tired and relieved when the lights of the houses on the island appeared in front of me.
I docked and tied up, and briefly considered ignoring my father's request that I leave the baby there. But it would mean dragging the crib back to the lighthouse, and it all seemed like too much trouble.
"I just want a shower, and a soft pillow under my head, and to dream about Bella. That's all."
The door was open, so I mounted the stairs, discarding my clothing as I went.
Ah yes. Nice hot water.
Steam filled the room and I reluctantly turned the tap off. Towelling across my shoulders, I went up the final steps and tried to slip naked into bed.
"What the fuck?"
Oh wonderful.
My bed had been short sheeted.
"Very funny, Emmett you douche," I growled into the darkness, pulling the linen free and falling onto the resulting mess of bedclothes. I grabbed my pillow and punched it into submission.
"Have I told you lately that I hate you, you juvenile prick?"
This was not the night to be messing with me. Tomorrow I'd have my revenge but now I just wanted to sleep for twelve hours straight.
The sound of soft small feet on the steps reached my ears.
Great.
It had to be Alice.
Only she owned tiny delicate feet.
I pulled the pillow from my face and looked towards the door.
Bella danced into the room wearing a soft blue flowing dress, her little feet bare as she twirled around.
I was hallucinating?
She did look exactly as I always wanted her to look when she came back to me.
She walked closer and perched on the edge of the bed, leaning in to catch my lips in hers. My hands reached out and enclosed her inside my arms.
She felt real.
She smelled real.
She even tasted real.
Finally she pulled back, and her hand reached up and raked through my hair.
"Hi Honey. I'm home."
xxxx