If on a Winter's Night

by Touchstone67

One fateful, winter's night, Edward and Jasper's lives are turned upside down. Is their relationship strong enough to withstand the aftermath, or will they be driven apart forever? Rated M for sexual situations, language. AH J/E slash

18. In My Hour of Darkness

Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N-I know I say this every chapter, and I swear I don't really want to repeat everything in both POVs, but some things are just too damn important to them both, and I think we really need to see what was going on in Edward's mind the night of the game, as well as what lead him to decide to want to go back.

There is a lot of basketball terminology used in this chapter, there is a link at the bottom for anyone that wants to brush up on basketball terms. This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

This chapter might be angsty...at least in the beginning. Oh, and when you get to the italics, put Imagine by John Lennon on repeat. Trust me.

Thank you to everyone that has read, recommended, reviewed, and learned from these boys.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Edward pov

"**~~**"

If on a winter's night he hadn't given me everything I needed…

"**~~**"

I wasn't handicapped.

But Jasper obviously thought I was.

Why else would he have brought me to a basketball game for people in wheelchairs?

I was nothing like them.

Playing a fucked up version of basketball was their lives, not mine.

"I'm not like them," I whispered in the dark cab of the truck. Instead of replying, he squeezed my hand.

He thought I was exactly like them.

Looking out the window, I felt something near me, something besides Jasper, and I shivered, afraid to take my eyes away from the passing scenery. No matter how many times I had coaxed the darkness away from me, it was in control of my life now, not me. I feared if I looked over at Jasper, I would see it driving the truck instead of him, driving me toward the fate of a life sitting down, of watching people run around and do shit I could no longer do.

Jasper's hand was warm in mine, not cold like the darkness, and I chanced to look at him when his thumb stroked the back of my hand. Quickly, I glanced at him and saw him, just him, driving us home. Relieved, I turned back to the window, staring at absolutely nothing for the rest of the drive.

He pulled into the driveway and got me into the chair. Silently, I pushed up the ramp and into the house, barely acknowledging my father as I went straight to my room. Hesitantly, I entered, almost expecting something to jump out at me. I wasted no time in grabbing a catheter kit and heading to the bathroom. I just wanted to go to bed and forget the night had ever happened. In the bathroom, I put on the latex gloves and cleaned my dick before inserting the tube, pushing it into my bladder so it could drain. Even though we had made plans for him to sleepover, I knew Jasper had probably talked to my father for a minute and then left. I was sure he wouldn't admit to driving me an hour from home to see a basketball game.

When the catheter bag was full, I emptied it in the toilet and tossed it into the trash. After wiping the iodine over the head of my cock, I shoved it back into my pants, not bothering to do them up before taking off the gloves, washing my hands and brushing my teeth. I returned my room, surprised to see Jasper sitting in his pajamas on my bed.

I should have known better. My boy was too stubborn.

Barely looking at me, he stood and left the room. I moved to the bed, balancing on my feet for just a second before sitting on the edge of the bed. Lying back, I began to pull my jeans down, but they kept getting stuck on my ass no matter how many times I rocked my body side to side. I struggled, growing more frustrated with each second, and was just about to give up when Jasper returned. He stood in front of me, watching me for a few seconds before he grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand away from my pants. Without asking for permission, he gripped my jeans and tugged them down my legs. I heard my sneakers hit the floor and stared at him as he parted my knees and then placed a kiss on the inside of my left thigh. It was light and brief, an apology of sorts, and I felt his soft lips on my flesh, sending a tremor from my neck down through my arms. Before it had reached my fingertips, he was pushing my pajamas up my legs, lifting me to pull them over my hips. Behind me I heard the blackness, creeping down the wall and in through the window to the corner.

As soon as Jasper was done, I dragged myself up to the pillows, turning onto my back and straightening my legs out. The darkness was louder, snickering in the corner, and I knew just Jasper presence wasn't enough to keep it away, my superhero no longer strong enough to keep it at bay. Glancing at the corner where my medical supplies were, I saw it smirking at me, practically rubbing its ghostly black hands together as it waited to pounce. Yanking my eyes to window, I looked out it, the pool, the night sky, anything but the corner.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, but I ignored him.

Jasper stood by my bed staring at me. Even without looking at him I could tell he was deciding between getting into my bed or the crumbled sleeping bag on the floor. Not giving him the choice, I turned the light out on my table and watched as he climbed into his sleeping bag. Refusing to look at the corner, I gazed at Jasper, wishing him to hear it, to get up and fight it before it reached my bed, because once it touched me, there was no turning back. I wondered how he didn't hear it, the slight sound the shadow made as it eased its way from the corner across my floor toward my bed.

But that was before I knew that Jasper thought of me as handicapped.

The same boy that had told me I wasn't handicapped, that I was normal, that I could do anything I wanted to.

The whispers were faint, barely audible, but I clearly heard them. The words of doubt floating around the translucent haze, telling me that Jasper only meant I could do anything that kept me in the chair. The darkness reminded me that if I wanted to get up and run with him, I couldn't, if I wanted to walk upstairs to my old room, I couldn't, if I wanted to make love to Jasper, I couldn't. For weeks, Jasper let me believe it was all okay, that as long as we were together, everything would just be okay.

He had lied, the murkiness convinced me that Jasper had known all along that it wasn't okay.

When it reached the end of my bed, I gasped. It was larger and denser than usual; the long, smoky fingers wafted over the blanket toward my feet while it smiled sympathetically, tilting its wispy head and promising no more pain if I just let it all go. With the black haze I would never feel the rejection, the agony of knowing what people really thought of me. I could ignore the looks of pity and disgust, it promised protection from it all, it would shroud me in a thick blanket of indifference, of numbness. I would be safe from everything I was afraid of.

As the darkness waited at the end of my bed, pausing while I considered its offer, I felt a tear slid down my cheek, because there was one thing it couldn't offer me.

Jasper.

As much as it hurt to know that he thought of me as handicapped, a cripple, I wasn't sure I could survive anything without him.

The gloomy mist shook its head, telling me Jasper wouldn't always be with me, someday, perhaps sooner than I expected, he would leave. He could get into college while I was forced to stay home, and while he might promise to love me and stay loyal while he was gone, someone would walk into his life, literally, and I would be nothing more than a wasted two years for him. Under the shadow's guidance, there would be no anguish from Jasper leaving me if I left him first.

No!

I refused, and it almost sighed, spreading low and even over my bed, only inches from my immobile feet. There was no escape, I couldn't get up and move, I couldn't even fucking twitch my toe to scare it off. I was completely helpless. Even my voice seemed to have been stolen from me as the sneering promises got louder.

It would be easy.

So easy.

It skittered back to the corner as the mattress shifted under my boy's weight. I hadn't even seen him get up or move the blanket to get under it, but I suddenly felt Jasper next to me, curling his body into mine. He laid his head on the pillow next to me and put his arm solidly across my chest. Making no attempt to stop them, the tears rolled freely down my cheeks as I warily watched the ghostly blackness crouching in the corner.

"You can do it," Jasper whispered to me, brushing my damp cheeks with his fingers, trying to will me his strength through his touch. Shaking my head, I clenched my eyes shut. "Baby, you can. I know it's scary, but remember, I'm not going anywhere."

I couldn't. The darkness was there, it always would be, I couldn't keep it away any longer. It was only a matter of time before it seeped into my useless body, my lax muscles absorbing it while it fed my black soul and mind with thoughts of nothing but hopelessness and anger.

Giving up would be so easy.

With what little fight I had in me, I murmured, "I'm not like them." I wasn't sure if I was saying it to Jasper or the darkness. Both of them waited for me to commit, to decide what I wanted.

Live my life with passion and hope, accepting failure and pain with it, or survive through it without feeling any emotions but anger and resentment.

"I know, baby," he replied softly before moving even closer.

He held me while my soul cracked, while my world of seventeen years disappeared from my grasp, my legs transforming from flesh and bone to metal and rubber. My life crumbled and he scrambled to rebuild it with his touch and promises before it fell down around us both. For some reason, Jasper thought my life was worth fighting for. I only hoped he was right. Opening my eyes, I dared to glance at the shadow, relieved when I saw it was smaller and fainter. Having Jasper next to me kept it hovering near my supplies, hatefully leering at my boy, its enemy and my hero, who had unknowingly saved me once again. I stared at the cold corner, feeling nothing but Jasper's warmth, his fingers drawing soothing circles on my chest, his breaths washing over my cheek as he gazed at me in the moonlit room.

Fighting was exhausting.

Gradually the tears lessened, my cheeks still wet as my eyes drifted closed, shutting out the darkness and Jasper. A palm flatted over my heart, feeling the uncertain beat beneath it. It was his, it was always his, but I was too tired to tell him.

Even if he thought I was crippled, I was still his boy.

Just before sleep took me from him for a few hours, I heard his whispered lullaby.

"Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby"

I sat in the front row dressed in a maroon robe with the gold silk valedictorian ribbon lying over my shoulders as I listened to Mr. Bradshaw speaking to the graduating class. My eyes roamed the students around me. I saw Jessica twirling her hair around her finger, and Eric staring at Angela as she listened intently to the principal. A few rows behind me was Bella, her long hair pulled back in the early summer heat. Even though the dress code had stated shirts and ties for the boys and dresses for the girls, I knew Bella probably had on nothing fancier than shorts under her robe. Glancing a few rows over from her, I saw Newton. He nodded and gave me a wave before looking toward Bella.

Jasper was sitting in the back row, but his presence was so strong that it felt like he was right behind me with his hands on my shoulders as he laughed in my ear. Looking over my shoulder, I found him easily, his grin wide as he winked at me before wiggling his eyebrows.

For days we had worked on my speech, Jasper had listened to it so many times he had it memorized as well as I did. I had rehearsed it as we floated in the pool, lay in bed, even when we had sat in the meadow earlier that day. When I had called him in a panic that morning, he'd come picked me up and we went straight to the meadow. I kept telling him I was scared of going up on the stage in the wheelchair even though there would be a ramp, and he pushed my hair back and shook his head.

"Baby, you just have to imagine you can walk and you will," he assured me with bright eyes. "You'll be amazing."

I don't know how he did it, I never would, how he just always said exactly what I needed to hear. I rolled my eyes at him, trying to lighten the mood that had taken on a sudden serious tone. We were surrounded by wildflowers and butterflies, the sun beaming down on us as I rehearsed my speech one last time before we had to get home and ready for graduation. Leaning forward, he kissed me, and showed me just how amazing he could be.

Mr. Bradshaw finished his introduction and I took a deep breath. "Please welcome the valedictorian of the class of two thousand eleven, Mr. Edward Cullen," he smiled. Everyone clapped and the students cheered, the loudest coming from my boy in the back row.

"…you just have to imagine you can walk and you will."

Believing him, I took off my gloves, setting them in the empty chair next to me, the chair that I would have been sitting in had I not already been in one. Reaching down, I gripped my pants, lifting each foot off the pedal and onto the ground. Taking my bare hands, I put them on the armrests of the chair and then waited until I felt him.

He hadn't left the back row, but he didn't need to. He was there, his hands on me, supporting me just like he always had, and I pushed off the chair with all the strength I had.

"...you can walk…"

My balance wavered as I straightened and let go of the chair with one hand, then the other. Grinning, I glanced at him over my shoulder and saw my angel bathed in a halo of sunlight as he smiled knowingly at me. Of course he had been right, he always was.

Gingerly, I moved one foot, taking a small, unsteady step. Encouraged when I didn't fall, I took another, then another, and then I was walking toward the stage to the sound of even louder cheering. Looking out into the audience, I spotted my parents smiling proudly as they watched their son. Nearing the stage, I ignored the ramp to the side and went right to the stairs, easily going up them. When I reached Mr. Bradshaw, he shook my hand and then sat in his seat right behind me. I saw hundreds of eyes staring at me, but only two that I cared about. Tilting his head, Jasper beamed as our dream became a reality.

Standing, fucking standing, in front of my peers, friends, and the love of my life, I spoke into the microphone.

"Congratulations class of two thousand and eleven," I began, and then paused as I gazed at Jasper, lost in everything that he was for a moment. When he nodded I continued, "A brilliant songwriter once wrote that all we had to was imagine a better world and it would happen. He promised there would be no greed or hunger, that we could live in a brotherhood of man. More recently, another brilliant man told me that if I imagined something, it would be true. He was right. I am proof that it doesn't have to all be a dream. So I stand before you all today to tell you the same thing. You can achieve anything you imagine, anything you dream about is within your grasp, you only have to want it badly enough and let it be. Imagine it…dream it…live it."

It was not the speech I had practiced for hours on end, it was the one inspired by my blond boy sitting in the back row as the sun glistened off the one tear that rolled down his cheek. He stood, as did all the other students as they applauded me, but Jasper moved from his seat, working his way to the isle where he strode up it. The gown swirled around his feet with his long strides as he broke into a sprint toward the stage, taking all five stairs in one leap, he swept me into his arms, swinging me around as he buried his face into my neck and wrapped his arms around my waist. The cheers of the crowd faded until all I could hear was his voice in my ear.

"You did it, baby, you did it," he breathed. "I love you."

I had done it. Just like he had always told me I could.

Eye level with him, I pressed my lips to his, and in front of everyone, I kissed my beautiful boy.

The sunlight was dimming, not nearly as warm as it should have been for early June. Lazily, I turned my head to the side, knowing that my angel would be there when I opened my eyes. I was tired, my body heavy and my mind foggy. I couldn't remember moving inside from graduation to a bed, but then I realized, Jasper was next to me and I must have been tired from making love to him all night, my body was sated and exhausted. Slowly, I pried my eyes open, torn between wanting to see Jasper and having

to face the world outside of our bed, but we had all summer before we moved to college, ready to start our lives and future.

He was there, with sleepy eyes and mussed waves in his face, looking as tired as I felt.

Then it hit me.

The sun was weak because it was March. He was next to me because I had cried myself to sleep and he had watched over me all night.

My body was heavy because I couldn't walk.

It was that way every morning. I would go from the beautiful dreams to the fucking awful reality of my life. No matter how many times I slept and woke up, it never changed.

"Hey," he whispered before I could look at the corner.

"Hey."

"I forgot to set the alarm."

Worriedly, I glance at the door, immediately tugging on my lip nervously. Alice had already caught us in bed once, it was probably only a matter of time before someone else did. It had been because of his weight next to me all night that I'd had the dream. It was worth the risk of getting caught for the unconscious moments of serenity, of being normal again.

That was all it had been. A dream.

There would be no walking onto the stage at graduation for me no matter how much I imagined it. There would be no Jasper swinging me around, no kiss in front of everyone. Graduation would be nothing but the beginning of the end.

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah. I need to do my routine though," I told him quietly.

"Listen, I'm sorry I brought you there last night. I honestly thought you might like to try it. I know how much you miss playing and thought…"

I knew he was sorry, he didn't have to tell me, but it didn't fix what I now knew; that he thought of me as nothing more than those other kids in the wheelchairs. They weren't me. I wasn't them.

"I do miss it. Every day. But I'm not ready for something like that. It's not for me. I should go do my routine. Are you helping your dad today?" I asked, hoping to move on from basketball. I wanted nothing to do with that place or those people that I didn't belong with.

I was nothing like them.

"Yeah, in a few hours," he answered as he got out of bed and moved my chair to the bed.

Quickly, I moved into it, snatching a kit from the table, almost closing my eyes as I reached for it before spinning the chair and going to the bathroom, leaving Jasper alone in my room. I numbly pulled my dick out and put on the gloves, moving automatically, not even noticing as the urine drained from my bladder into the clear plastic bag. When it was about three-quarters filled, I ease the tube out a few inches and waited to see if anymore came out. After a minute, I pulled it all the way out and emptied it before cleaning the head of my cock with the iodine. Taking the gloves off, I transitioned to the toilet and worked my pants down enough to reach myself before putting on some new gloves and drizzling lube on my finger. After I stimulated myself, I straightened and waited for gravity to kick in. I looked around the room, the wider shower with the chair and rails inside it, the lower counter and mirror, the medical supplies piled up on a small table next to the towels. There were small things from my previous life, my toothbrush and shaving cream on the counter, but the bathroom had been transformed into my new reality right along with me. Hell, the entire house had, from the ramp outside to the rearranged furniture to the remolded kitchen. Even my bedroom wasn't where it used to be. I'd been living in the house for months, watching it morph into a new version of my home, all to accommodate me and the chair. I moved around in the chair much easier, but it still wasn't a part of me, it never would be. I refused to willingly let it into my life.

As I looked around the room, I thought I saw the shadows creeping along the handrails in shower and gathering under the counter where the cabinets used to be. Closing my eyes, I pictured Jasper standing in front of me with a smile as he told me I could do it. The vapor's whispers got louder, Jasper's image no longer enough to keep it away.

Part of me just wanted to give in to it.

I kept my eyes closed until I was done, then I cleaned up as quickly as possible and rushed back to the room. When I entered, he was just finishing rolling up his sleeping bag.

"You okay?" he asked me as he sat on my bed with the nylon bag in his lap.

Glancing behind me and then to the corner of my room, I was relieved to find them both empty. "Yeah, I'm good," I sighed.

"I'll call you after I'm done with my dad," he promised.

"Okay. I'm going to workout and do my homework." Pushing closer to him, I brought our knees together. I couldn't feel his, but I saw his jeans against my flannel. Slowly, hesitantly, he leaned forward, wrapping a hand around my neck. When our lips met, he sighed, and then melded his lips to mine with soft brushes across them. He pulled away, a sweet smile on his face.

"I love you."

"Love you too," I murmured. And I did. Even if he thought I was handicapped, and even if I didn't like that he thought so, it didn't change the love I had for him.

Standing, he went to the door. "Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love," I replied.

The door clicked closed behind him and I shivered, a chill traveling down my stunted spine, goose bumps rising over my forearms. I didn't have to turn around to know it was behind me, lurking and waiting, sensing my weakness and doubt, but the knock on my door had it scampering toward the corner again.

"Come in."

The door pushed opened and my father leaned against the door jamb, his head tilted as he eyed me. I was still in my pajamas with my bed head hair, and I probably looked as tired as I felt.

"You feeling okay?" he asked with fatherly concern but in his doctor voice.

"Just tired," I said, turning the chair toward him a bit more.

"He was only trying to help," he said quietly. It took me a minute to realize what he meant and my eyes narrowed.

"You knew," I accused.

"He came to me with the idea, yes," he confirmed with a short nod. "He wanted to be sure you were physically able."

"Jesus, I wasn't ambushed by just him, but you too," I growled, suddenly furious that my own father had been in on it. The tag in the car told me my mother thought I was handicapped, Jasper taking me to a wheelchair game told me he thought I was, and now my father was admitting he did too.

"He didn't ambush you," he sighed. Arching a brow, I glared at him until he shrugged. "Okay, maybe he did a little, but would you have gone otherwise?" When I didn't reply, he continued, "Exactly why he didn't tell you." He glanced down the hall, then stepped into my room and sat on my bed. "Edward, I'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through. I might be a doctor, but I can't even begin to understand what you're facing. Honestly, I don't know if I could do what you're doing, but you're much stronger than me. You have something inside you that won't let you give up, and it will be that strength that gets you through this. Plus, you have something else…."

Curious, I relaxed my jaw and sighed. "What?"

"Jasper. Not many people get to have someone that stand by their side no matter what, knowing when to push you, helping you fight the battles."

"You have mom," I argued, then realized that he meant a best friend, not a lover. For me, there was no difference.

"I do, and she challenges me just like Jasper does you. Granted, she challenges me in different ways, like testing my patience," he chuckled quietly. "Don't be so hard on him, Edward. He was only trying to help you see what is possible for you."

"He thinks I'm handicapped," I whispered, looking down at my thinning, lifeless legs. My father reached out, placing his hand on my knee. It looked like he squeezed it, but I couldn't tell.

"Even if he does, you are still the same person, Edward, and he knows that. The chair only defines you if you let it. Even if he acknowledges the chair, he doesn't want you to let it be all that you are," he reasoned.

"I don't want to be handicapped," I mumbled, refusing to look up at him even though I felt his gaze on me.

"I know." He paused, glancing around my room, the pile of dirty clothes on the floor, the half opened drawers of my dresser, the scattered homework on my desk. "Edward, look around this room. Everything in here is you, in a wheelchair or not. You've never been one to pick up your laundry or close your drawers, and I have no idea how you managed straight A's when you can't even seen the top of your desk. Those things, those tiny things, are what define you. That is who you are, not some chair."

I followed his eyes around the room, avoiding the corner. Turning back to him, I saw a small smile on his face.

"Don't be too hard on him, he's feeling pretty guilty right now. He thought he was helping." Hanging my head, I nodded. "And…give it some thought." Standing, he put his hand on my shoulder until I looked up at him.

"I'll try," I promised, but I wasn't sure if I could follow through.

With another half smile, he went to the door, leaving it half open as he walked out. Sighing, I turned the chair and went to the window, stopping in feeble warmth of the sunlight. I stared out at the covered pool, remembering splashing Jasper and Alice on any given hot summer day. The competitive nature of Jasper and I had led to many races down and back the length of the pool, or seeing who could do a better backflip off the cement edge. I couldn't do any of it anymore, swimming, running, backflips…basketball.

Moving to my television, I turned on my DVD player before reaching down to the stack of DVDs on the shelf under it, taking a few off the top and reading the date and title written in marker on each shiny surface. Taking one, I slid it into the player and then grabbed the remote and hit play.

As soon as it started, there was an immediate tightening in my chest, a vise-like grip around my heart that was agonizing. I hit pause, stopping even before the two centers had even jumped for the ball. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. Watching it was going to be like pouring salt on an open wound, it was going to sting like hell at first, but the sharp pain would eventually fade to a throbbing ache that would never go away. Watching my teammates on Senior Night had been hard enough, but watching myself run up and down the court was going to be so much harder. With the remote clutched in my hand and my eyes still shut, I hit play, listening to the sounds of the game, the sneakers on the floor, the crowd, the whistles, the coaches calling out plays. Each sound added to the ache, building on each other until the pain was piercing my chest. Slowly, I opened my eyes to see myself run down the court for a fast break open layup. I kept my eyes on the television, but I knew I wasn't alone.

It sat next to me with a gloomy, gauzy arm lying across my shoulders, offering a cold comfort as I stared at my able-bodied self moving around the court, darting in and out of players, diving for loose balls, jumping for rebounds. Each move I made was something I could no longer do. There was nothing about the me sitting in the chair that remotely resembled the boy playing basketball except hair color. The dark vapor nodded, leaning toward me and promising no pain if I only went along with it.

Forget basketball, forget Jasper and your friends, they will only leave you anyway…I will never leave you.

The scores rose while I sat there and watched. It was all I could ever do now, sit and watch, like I had on Senior Night. They included me, they made me feel like one of them, but deep down we all knew it wasn't true, I wasn't a part of that team anymore. The game ended and I put in another, watching myself do all the same things again, each time distancing myself a bit more from the boy on the television to the boy I was now.

Bitter, angry, hallow.

Such easy emotions to give in to.

With each minute of game film I watched, the haze next to me thickened, growing in strength and confidence, and without Jasper around to convince me otherwise, I began to give in. At first it was only one or two, but by the end of the third quarter, the tears were steadily rolling down my cheeks. Occasionally, I reached up and swiped at them, but mostly I let them fall, until they landed on my shirt, leaving evidence of their existence behind on the cotton. I barely heard my phone beep, but then it vibrated. Pausing the video, I went to the table and picked up my phone.

At work with my dad. Miss you and love you

Reading the words over and over again, I glanced at the paused game to see the smokiness fading, almost sighing as it retreated to the corner, leaving behind a sheer trail of promises to return.

Wish you were here. I love you too I replied before setting the phone down.

Hitting stop, I turned the television off and went to my computer. Opening up Google, I stared at the rainbow letters, not quite brave enough to type in the words. Closing it, I grabbed my books and moved to my bed where I spread my work out and began to read. The words blended together, making little sense no matter how much I read them, but I crawled through the homework, scribbling down answers to questions I couldn't have cared less about. Each time I made it through a few successfully, I would pick up my phone and read Jasper's text again. I knew if I scrolled through all his messages, I would find the same thing repeated.

I love you.

Alice popped in my room, asking what I wanted to for lunch. Mom and dad had gone out to do some shopping and Alice was cooking. When I couldn't think of anything, she shook her head and left, returning a few minutes later with a grilled cheese sandwich and soup. I let it sit on the tray for a few minutes before I finally bit into the sandwich and slurped the soup. Alice appeared in the doorway in her baggy sweatpants and tee shirt.

"Taste okay?"

"Yeah, it's good."

"I think you should do it," she said, entering and sitting on my bed. "It'd be good for you." I stopped chewing and glared at her. She shrugged, "What? I pay attention. Sue me. I still think you should do it."

"You didn't see them. They were all handicapped."

"You're point?"

"I'm not like them," I growled defensively.

"You're in a chair like them, the why part doesn't matter," she countered with a raised brow. Narrowing my eyes, I challenged her. "Whatever. I still think you should do it. Get you out of here and socializing like you used to." She stood and went to the door, but stopped before leaving. "Jasper wouldn't have brought you if he didn't think you couldn't do it." She left before I could argue.

Finishing lunch, I worked out, playing "Eye of the Tiger" so loud the walls shook. I didn't even hear Alice complain when she stood in the doorway yelling at me, finally leaving when she realized I was ignoring her. I don't know how long I was in there, finding the motions soothing, taking small comfort in being able to control half my body, enjoying the ache that constricted my muscles as I pushed them past their limit. By the time I went back to my bedroom, I heard my parents in the kitchen, whispering something as I rolled past them down the hallway to my room. Tired, I moved to my bed and turned the television back on.

"Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking, nerf-herder!" Princess Leia exclaimed. Tossing the remote on the bed, I leaned back against my pillows. She had barely kissed Luke before my eyes were closing, dreaming of my own scruffy-looking nerf herder.

"Who's the master now?" Jasper laughed as his shot went through the hoop. Standing on the edge of the painted arc on the driveway, he grinned at me. "Come on, baby, admit it. I am the master," he teased.

Shaking my head, I rebounded the ball and went to where he was.

Horse was normally my game. I could stand anywhere outside the three point line and sink one after the other, watching Jasper fail at the shots he tried to make, quickly getting all the letters and losing. But he was having an exceptionally good day, and I wasn't. He stood next to me, his hands on his hips as I lined up my shot. Tilting his head, his hair in his face, he arched a brow and waited. Raising my arms, I jumped up and released the ball, sighing when it bounced off the rim.

"That's an R for you," he reminded me as he went to retrieve the ball.

"Shut the fuck up," I laughed, flipping him the finger.

"Aw, having an off day?" He walked to the corner of the driveway and after a wink at me, took his shot.

"Ohhhhh," he yelled as it went in. "Bow down, baby, bow down."

"Fuck off," I called out as I got the ball and went to the spot he had been standing in. "This is how it's done." Jumping, I released the ball, which spun in and out of the hoop. "God damn it."

"S," he winked, grabbing the ball and moving to a new spot. He knew better than to shoot anything close, even on an off day there was no way I'd miss anything inside the paint. Standing about four feet past the line, he jumped up and shot.

And made it.

"I'm not bowing," I glared as I got the ball and he laughed. Standing where he had been, I took the shot, knowing as soon as it left my hands, it wasn't going in.

"E!" His victory dance was absurd, first the running man and then his arms stretched above his head as he swayed his hips. I couldn't help but laugh as I walked up to him. He kept dancing, watching me with sparkling eyes as he teased me. "I'm the master."

"For an hour."

"Now is all that matters," he chuckled. "So do I get my prize?"

It was our standard prize, whoever won got head, just like the race up the trail. It was pretty much a given that he was going to win any race and I was going to win any game of Horse. It all evened out.

"You just want me to bow."

"Fucking right I do. Preferably with my cock in your mouth."

"Double or nothing?" I challenged. Not that I didn't want Jasper's cock between my lips, but I needed to redeem myself first. Even if I won the next game, he would still get his prize.

"Only if I am still the master, win or lose."

"You're the master…today."

"Works for me," he shrugged as he went to get the ball. I won the next game by one letter, but I still bowed before Jasper in my room, the floor scraping my knees as I sucked his cock until he came, almost screaming my name. As he fell onto my bed, completely sated, I looked at him.

"Who's the master now?"

"Always you, baby," he finally agreed, his cock still seeping onto his hip.

My mother shook me, waking me. "Dinner's done."

"What time is it," I yawned.

"A little after six."

"I'll be right there," I said and she smiled and left. I moved to my chair and used a catheter before joining them for dinner. Alice dominated most of the conversation while we ate. My thoughts were never on what was being said, but rather how much I was missing Jasper. After dinner, I helped clean up as much as I could and then went back to my room. I was still wading through homework when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, baby," he greeted, sounding exhausted.

"Hey," I smiled, just glad to hear him. "How was work?"

"Long. I don't know how my dad does it every day. It's tiring as fuck. This job is almost done though, so that's good. What did you do today?"

"Homework, napped and…" I paused, not sure if I should tell him everything I had done.

"And?"

"Umm…I watched some old game film," I admitted softly.

"Oh, baby," he sighed.

"It's okay. I mean, it was hard, but it was okay," I lied.

"I wish you had waited until I was there with you, we could have watched them together."

I couldn't tell him that I hadn't been alone, that the darkness had kept me company. "No, it was better this way. I needed to do it. Part of giving up my old life I think," I murmured.

"You don't have to give it up, Edward. You just have to be ready to try a different one."

"And that means no more basketball," I whispered.

"No, but it means a different kind of basketball," he offered. "Just like us. Remember you told me you couldn't get hard and you thought we would never do anything sexual again? But we do, it's different than before, but it's still just as amazing."

"Yeah." The words from Alice, what she had said, ran through my mind a few times.

Jasper wouldn't have brought you if he didn't think you couldn't do it.

I held the phone closer to my ear, listening to his steady breaths while he waited for me. The pain in my chest was back, I needed a diversion. "Are you driving me to school tomorrow?"

"Yeah, but I can't give you a ride home. It's the first day of track practice. But I will be by your place as soon as it's over. Probably around five."

"I hate my mother picking me up," I groaned. "I can't wait until I can drive again."

The words were out before I could stop them, even if it was habit, it seemed odd to hear myself say them so casually. I hadn't considered driving again, honestly, I didn't want to drive ever again, but a part of me was curious about whether or not it was even possible.

"Tired of being chauffeured?" he teased.

"I like being chauffeured by you, but not my parents. It's harder with them." Not only did Jasper's truck not have the tag, but I felt calmer with him by side, with his hand in mine as he sang to distract me. With my mother, I clutched at the seat, my eyes constantly looking around for the next car coming toward us.

"How come?"

"They don't hold my hand," I murmured truthfully.

"Sorry, baby," he sighed.

I knew my boy, I could practically see his eyes darting to his keys, wondering how soon he could be at my house, how soon I could be in his arms. Part of me wanted him to give into the urge, not matter the time, and come hold me again. Tell me it was going to all be okay.

Even if he didn't believe it himself.

But it was late, he was tired.

"Are you glad track is starting up again?" I asked, steering him away from his thoughts of coming over, but glancing to the corner I wondered if I could make it through the night without him.

"Not really."

"Why?"

"Because it takes time away from being with you," he whispered.

"Yeah, but you need to run again. Kicking some ass on the track is good for you," I tried to smile. It was good for him, nothing made Jasper feel more alive than running.

"I'd still rather be with you."

"Me too."

"Will you come to my meets? Cheer me on like you used to?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course," I replied quickly, but I couldn't stop the sadness that seeped into my voice. I'd been to all of Jasper's home meets and most of his away ones. Sitting in the stands on the spring afternoons, watching him run around the track passing his competition in long, agile strides used to one of my favorite things to do. Now I couldn't get to the away meets, and I wasn't even sure I could get on the bleachers at my own school. Even if I could, I wasn't sure I could watch so many people doing something I couldn't.

"You okay?" Jasper asked, sensing my worry.

"Yeah," I sighed. "It just really sucks sometimes."

"I know, baby," he comforted.

We were silent, I listened to him breathe, my own falling in sync with his before long. He stifled a yawn, but I heard it. He was doing everything for everyone else, working with his dad, helping me, at the end of the day, there wasn't anything left for him.

"I should go. I'm going to shower so I don't have to do in the morning. I'll see you tomorrow?" I said, hoping he would hang up and go right to bed.

"Yep, I'll be there at seven. Be safe, baby," he replied, containing another yawn.

"See ya soon, love," I replied before hanging up.

I seemed slower than usual, getting my clothes off was awkward and I fumbled with each step, but I finally got into the shower and sat under the scalding spray of water. Letting it run over me, I hung my head, closing my eyes so I didn't have to see my betraying legs, the ones that used to easily move me around the court I had watched in the film.

"Love," I called out to him even though he was miles away. "Please…"

It was useless, I knew that, but it didn't stop my need to have him there with me in the shower, his head on my lap, telling me to just let it be.

"I can't," I replied aloud to his voice in my head. Just like the shadow, I felt his touch pushing my hair back, I could see his sad smile telling me I could, I could do anything. "I can't play…"

He sighed, the water soaking his hair to his head as he told me of course I could, it would just be different. I shook my head. I didn't want it different. Understanding, he kissed my thigh, murmuring that basketball was more than running and jumping. My hands curled his hair, feeling his wet waves tangled between my fingers as I leaned forward, resting my chin on his head.

"Don't leave me…"

A heavy sigh escaped me as he shook his head in my loose grasp before promising he would never leave, smiling when he said the world would end long before we would be separated. Alone in the shower, I battled myself as Jasper whispered his words of wisdom, words of strength, bravery, love. Admiration slipped from his lips in a hushed voice, so quiet I almost didn't hear him. The voice grew faint, his hair began to slide from my fingers and I reached out to grasp at him again, clawing at the air when I couldn't reach him.

He was leaving me.

"I need you," I cried out, clenching my eyes.

The delicate touch was behind me, the voice now in my ear as he told me I didn't need him, I only needed to let it be. Relieved, he was still there, I opened my eyes only to find myself alone. Jasper was not there, he wasn't behind me or kneeling with his head in my lap. Looking down at my legs, I saw the deteriorating muscle. No matter how much PT I had, there was no stopping it. It was only a matter of time before I looked just like the coach of the wheelchair team with his legs strapped to his chair. Fisting my hand, I slammed it down on my thigh, only slightly surprised when I felt nothing. No pain or the water running over it, absolutely fucking nothing. Unless…

I ran my index finger over the small spot on the inside of my thigh, feeling the slight sensation of the touch. Over and over I traced the one area that worked, willing the rest of my legs to do the same. Concentrating, I stared at my toes, just one fucking twitch, a flinch, anything. Defeated, I picked up the shampoo and squirted some on my hand before lathering my hair with it. I washed as quickly as I could, going through the motions and trying to ignore the lack of response when I scrubbed my legs so hard they turned an angry red. When I was done, I closed my eyes again, willing him to be there with me.

His hair was back in my hands, his eyes gazing up at me, telling me he was always with me, he was always in my heart.

It was on that vow that I had the courage to open my eyes again and face the empty shower. Grabbing the towel I had brought in, I dried myself off and moved to my chair, resting the towel over my hips and thighs before going back to my room where I moved to the bed and dressed in clean pajamas. I didn't remember what was on television or what I'd had for dinner, but I did remember Jasper's sweet voice as I closed my eyes and wished for my boy's warmth next to me as I fell asleep.

"**~~**"

Without him by my side, I had slept like shit. My mind constantly haunted by visions of playing basketball and running and walking, and I woke up after each one. Unable to face its growing power, my eyes avoided the corner where the dense blackness dwelled.

By the time Jasper arrived, I had already been up for several hours, most of them spent lying in my bed staring at the ceiling, my mind exhausted and almost numb. When he walked into my room, I looked up at him and he immediately came to me, kneeling in front of me.

"Babe?"

His voice was concerned, soothing, and the way it washed over me was exactly what I needed.

"I'm okay. Just tired. I missed you last night."

"I missed you too. Just think, once we're at college, we can sleep together every night," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. "C'mon, hot lips, let's go to school."

He led the way to his truck, and when he lifted me, I clung to him, resting my head on his shoulder a few seconds longer than usual, taking from him what little strength he had left to offer. On the way to school, I gripped his hand and stared out the window. We passed all the usual things, only I saw none of them. He parked the truck at school and we headed inside.

During class he was next to me, observing me, but he wasn't the only one. I felt the darkness with me as well, its sheer fingers grasping for the wheels of my hair, hovering over my shoulder, whispering words of doubt into my ear even as Jasper watched protectively over me. I worked my way through class, trying desperately to focus on the notes given by the teacher and not what I felt behind me.

We continued through the day like that, Jasper eyeing me intently while I did everything I could to keep ahead of the murkiness following me. Jasper even followed me into the bathroom, claiming he had to go himself, but I know he just leaned against the wall and waited until I was done.

When it came time for my music class, I sat in the doorway, glancing in the room before I pushed through it. I was half way to my chair when I looked back at the door and saw him staring at me. He was torn, he wanted to come inside, he wanted to ask me what I was so afraid of, and then he wanted to take me away from it.

But he didn't.

The bell rang as I pulled up to my desk and glanced at the doorway just in time to see him turn away.

He left you.

I won't leave you.

Closing my eyes, I pictured Jasper sitting next to me.

"Everything okay, Edward?" the teacher asked. I opened my eyes and nodded.

As the class pulled out their books, Mr. Richards began his lecture. I didn't hear a word, I only heard the murmurs of the shadow behind me, each one convincing me to just give in. Class ended and I felt drained, barely able to push the chair to the cafeteria where I stared down the hall, desperately looking for his wheat curls. I wasn't surprised when I finally spotted him, I was surprised when I saw the long, brunette hair next to him. Shrugging, he approached with Bella by his side. She greeted me with a smile and then I followed them both toward the lunch line, staying behind Jasper while he snapped at the lunch ladies and he pulled food from the counter onto our tray.

Eric and Angela were already eating when Bella sat next to Newton at the table, who grinned and then turned to me. "Cullen."

"Newton," I replied as I took my food from the tray, not really hungry enough to eat any of it. Jasper sighed before pushing his away and picking up the apple instead.

Bella cleared her throat. "Jasper said you guys went to McDonald's the other night."

"Yeah."

"We left too."

"You did?" My eyes shot to hers, and then to each of them.

"Yeah, fuck that place. I mean, I can see not having an elevator, but they should have that other shit that Whitlock reeled off," Newton said. "I won't be going there again."

"Me neither," Angela agreed.

"Me neither," Eric said, backing up his girlfriend.

The night of the date, I hadn't thought about whether or not they had left. In the way that only he could, Jasper had entranced me too much to care. It hadn't been until the next day that I had wondered about what they had done, even considering texting Bella to ask. I wouldn't have felt any different toward them if they hadn't left. They weren't the ones in the chair, they were unaffected.

But to know they had left and supported me eased the ache I felt. "Thanks, guys."

I ate a few bites, glancing at Jasper when Mike mentioned having a birthday party at his house, wondering if Jasper remembered the last part we had gone to at Mike's. After lunch, Jasper and I headed for gym, Bella trailing with Mike behind us. While Jasper changed, I went into the empty gym. The overhead lights weren't on; only the small ones at each end were lit as I wheeled onto the court and stopped at the top of the three point line. It had been the spot where I had scored most of my points, the one shot that always made the crowd cheer. It was that perfect shot that had made the college scouts take notice of a kid shorter than their preferred six and a half feet. It wasn't just that I could shoot from the three point line, but I could easily make it from three feet behind it, even with someone guarding me. Looking up at the basket, I felt the blackness floating around me, ready to cloak me as soon as I let the fear slip through.

The fear never playing again…the fear of playing again and failing.

The door opened and closed, but I didn't need to look up to see who it was, I knew he had rushed to come be with me. Walking over, he stood next to me.

"This used to be my shot. I was almost guaranteed to make it from here. Didn't matter if someone was on me, I'd just fake an upshot, dribble to the left once and shoot," I told him, even though he already knew. He had seen me do it enough. Hell, he had been the one that had fallen for the fake when he guarded me when we played at my house.

"You have a beautiful jump shot," he said.

"Had," I corrected him. "What if I'm no good anymore?" I brought my eyes to meet his.

"You won't know unless you try, but I don't think talent like yours just goes away."

I wanted to ask how he knew, how he was so sure I could do it, but the other kids entered. I tried to smile as Bella neared us, Newton following behind her like a puppy.

"You're going down," Jasper promised her when the dodgeball game began.

Weaving in and out of the people and the balls wasn't easy, but I was determined to not let the chair hinder me. My natural competitiveness came out and I used my new upper body strength to whip the heavy balls across the gym and hit the other team. Part of me wondered if they hit me less because they felt bad hitting someone in a wheelchair, or if I had actually gotten more skilled at moving around in the chair.

Class ended and Jasper and I headed toward the parking lot. My mother's Volvo was parked in a handicapped spot and I sighed.

"It doesn't mean anything," Jasper said. I nodded even though I thought he was wrong. It did mean something.

Something I wasn't ready to accept.

"I'll be by when practice is over."

"Okay."

"Be safe…"

"See ya soon…" I answered as I pushed myself to the car. I opened the door while my mother got out and waited for me. Once I was in the car, she took my chair and put it in the trunk. The back door opened and Alice slid into the backseat as my mother got in and started to back out. I looked at Jasper standing in the light drizzle as he waved at me. Keeping my eyes out my window, I refused to look at the tag mocking me as it swayed from the mirror.

"How was school?" my mother asked, glancing at me and Alice.

"Good," Alice replied.

"Is Jasper excited about track starting?"

"A little," I lied. Wringing my hands in my lap, I focused on taking a few deep breaths, trying force away memories of screeching tires and smashing glass.

"Does he think he will finally beat that boy from LaPush?"

"I don't know," I sighed, closing my eyes.

"Oh, Mom, can you hit the store while you're out? I need some cereal," Alice chirped behind me. My mother's attention easily went from me to Alice, and I looked over my shoulder to see her give me a small shrug.

We arrived home and Alice went inside while my mother got the chair out for me. I moved to it and then backed away from the car.

"I'm going to run to the store for Alice and then I have to drop something off at the hospital for your father and then I'm meeting Jane for coffee. Will you be okay here with Alice?"

"I'll be fine," I called out over my shoulder as I wheeled myself up the ramp and into the house. Entering the kitchen, I saw Alice grabbing two sodas from the fridge. She closed the door and turned around, handing me one.

"Thanks."

"You know she means well, right?"

"Yeah, but…"

"Yeah, I know. Just give her a break sometimes," she replied before grabbing her backpack off the table and heading up the stairs. Alone, I went down to my room, not sure I had the will to face what I might find in there.

The room hadn't changed since I had left it earlier, and before I could even look in the corner, I went to the window. While Jasper was running around the track, something I wished I could do, I sat in my room, which had just become a larger prison than the chair. In the bag on the back of the chair, my phone beeped and I reached around to take it out.

Can't make PT today. We will double up tomorrow with a work out and massage. See ya!

Relieved to not to face Emmett and his eighties music, I tossed the phone on my bed, and then taking a deep breath, looked around my room. The pile of dirty clothes, the messy desk, the drawers sticking out were all still there. Maybe my father was right, I might have changed physically but I was still me, the basics were still the same. I loved basketball, I loved competing, but it wasn't all that I made me who I was. I turned on the television and hit play on the DVD player, my breath halting when I saw myself again. Staring at the video, I watched my teammates and I work so well together, so in tune with each other. Our team chemistry had been something that had developed over time, and it had paid off.

Looking on top of my dresser, I saw the trophies lined up, some over a foot tall, all for basketball championships I had won on the various teams I had been on through the years. There was also a collection of medals that dangled from red, white, and blue ribbons. In between the trophies were two pictures, the one of Jasper and I, and the one of my Spartans team. Moving to the bureau, I stretched, barely grasping the picture of my team. Holding it, I stared at the image, the smiles of my teammates, the way Sullivan had his arm slung over my shoulder as the entire team held up their index fingers claiming number one. Closing my eyes, I remembered the game clearly.

We had trudged through the playoffs, barely winning our semifinal game, earning a spot in the state finals for our division. The team practiced for hours every day, working on perfecting our plays and watching film of the opposing team. The day of championship game, I arrived at the school about two hours early and found Jasper leaning against father's truck in the parking space next to mine.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I closed the door to my car and walked over to him. "How'd you know…"

"I know my boy," he smirked, then shrugged. "You're always about two hours early because you like to shoot alone."

He was right of course. He also knew exactly what I needed. Without another word, he opened his door and got in, knowing I'd follow. Inside his truck, I put my bag on the floor and leaned back against the seat.

"I'm nervous," I admitted. It wasn't that we hadn't played difficult teams before, it was the college scouts I knew would be watching from the stands.

"Babe," he said, turning so he was facing me. "Just play."

"Easy for you to say," I scoffed. "That's like someone telling you to just run fast."

"You can do this. You will be fantastic and wow those scouts."

Shaking my head, I closed my eyes. "I just feel like my entire future is riding on this one game."

"They won't judge you on just one game, they've got the film, they've seen what you can do. Just go out there and show them your mad Cullen skills," he teased.

Lolling my head toward him, I opened my eyes and drank him in.

Always so beautiful.

Reaching up, I cupped his cheek, content when he leaned into my touch. "Thank you for coming."

"I wouldn't miss it."

"I mean for coming now, before the game," I clarified. "I needed this." Even if it was only five minutes alone with him, it was enough to calm my nerves.

"I know," he said simply.

He looked around before moving closer and curving a hand around my neck to draw me in for a kiss. The cab of the truck ignited when our lips touched, moving over each other only briefly before I tilted my head, begging him to deepen it. Moaning, he parted my lips with his tongue, tasting me for the first time that day. My free hand went to his thigh, resting high on it, my thumb barely grazing his crotch, earning another moan from him. We melted into each other easily, touching as much as we dared. Panting, he pulled away, putting his forehead on my shoulder.

"Damn, baby," he gasped, then a shudder wracked his body. "We gotta stop or you're going to be playing with a raging erection. Not sure if that's what you should be impressing the scouts with."

My body shook with laughter, but I was so much calmer than I was when I had arrived. He held my hand for a few more minutes before kissing me again.

"If you win, I'll give you head later," he promised with a hungry stare.

"Love, you'd give me head win or lose," I corrected him.

"Point taken. Now go kick ass."

"I love you," I breathed, and he smiled, dimples framing his swollen lips.

"I love you," he whispered. With one last look, I grabbed my bag and got out, waving to him as he pulled out of the space. Then I turned and headed into the gym.

Alone, I stood at the three point line with the ball rack next to me. I shot, immediately grab another ball and shot again until I worked my way through the rack, then I gathered them all up and started again. Moving around the arc, I performed the same move each time, relieved each time I sank one. I shot until I heard the rest of the team arriving, then I joined them in the locker room, where we changed into our uniforms before heading to the gym. The other team had arrived and was running their drills, and the crowd had started to fill the bleachers. Cheering us on, there were posters and signs for each player hanging on the walls and loud music playing as we ran through our warm up. The gym was full of energy and excitement coming from the players and fans.

When Coach called us over the bench, we readied for the game, standing in a circle with our arms around each other as he gave us last minute instructions, reminding us of what we had to do. My heart pounded as I looked at all my teammate's anxious faces. We had been playing together for three years and it was coming down to one game. As we headed onto the court, I felt lightheaded, my nerves getting the best of me. I closed my eyes for a second and when I opened them, they fell right on my personal cheerleader sitting in the bleachers.

The movement of his lips was barely visible, but there was no doubt of the words he mouthed.

I love you.

Instantly, my heart rate slowed and my mind cleared.

I didn't remember all the details of the game, but I remembered my game winning outside shot with only a few seconds left, I remembered the scouts approaching me after the game, congratulating me on the win and telling me they'd be in touch, I remembered the cheers from the crowd and hugging my teammates, jumping up and down, finally calming enough to take the picture I was holding in my hands.

I remembered how I felt so…alive.

Every year when basketball season ended I missed the practices and team bonding. I would go to Jasper's track meets and watch him with the track team, laughing and joking. I missed being part of a team.

Putting the picture back up on the dresser, I picked up the trophy we had each gotten that day.

State champions.

Whether I could walk or not, winning the state championship was something that no one could ever take away from me. Setting it back down, I turned my chair and headed out of my room and down the hall. There was no ramp into the garage so I had to go out the front door and down the ramp until I was in front of the large white doors. Leaning over as much as I could, I grabbed the handle and pulled up, surprised when it opened easily. Pushing it up, I rolled under it and went to the corner where my mother kept most of my sports stuff.

I ignored the rollerblades and baseball bats and reached for the basketball. Holding it, feeling the small bumps under my skin again, was comforting. Squeezing it to check the air, I put it on my lap and went back out to the driveway. The drizzle from earlier changed to a light rain as I took the ball in my hand and held it out over the chair. It bounced back up when I dropped, and I hit it, experimentally dribbling it next to the chair. It felt familiar and odd at the same time. I had certainly dribbled a ball while sitting down, I used to do it all the time at practices while waiting for the coach, but my mobility was more restricted now. After dribbling for a minute, I stopped and put it back on my lap. Spinning the chair around, I faced the hoop.

It seemed so much higher than ever before.

I moved to the top of the painted white line on the pavement, placing my wheels about where my feet would have been if I was standing. When I looked at the hoop, it seemed ominous.

Give up.

The darkness followed me, moving lightly over the ground, resting at my still feet, waiting for me to fail, offering to comfort me when I did. Shaking my head, I picked up the ball, holding it just as I would have any other time, and keeping my eye on the hoop, released the ball.

It swished through the net.

Shocked, I moved my chair to block the ball from rolling down the driveway and picked it up. Moving back to the line, I turned and shot again.

Another swish.

I heard him behind me.

The ball bounced and he ran over to it, dribbling it before bounce passing it to me. Instinctively, I caught it, barely touching it before I released it into the air again for another basket. Jasper rebounded and threw a hard chest pass to me. I caught it and shot all in one motion. Closing my eyes, I could practically feel my legs springing off the ground as I jumped into the air. The thick smokiness hovered around me, dancing around my wheels, weaving in and out of the spokes, giggling with excitement at my weakness.

Suddenly, I wasn't in my driveway anymore, I was at gym, a basketball court with players and people cheering. There was no darkness around me there, I was free and happy, even high fiving my teammates as we got in a circle before the game. The coach gave us advice and then sent us onto the court for the game. Just like every other time, my heart pounded until I spotted Jasper in the bleachers, his smile brightening up the room as he mouthed 'I love you' to me. The referee tossed the ball in the air and our center tapped it toward me. I caught it, placed it on my lap and pushed myself down the court, making a quick, easy layup. Spinning my chair around, I saw the smiles of my teammates.

I was part of a team again.

By bringing me to the game, Jasper hadn't been saying I couldn't play basketball, he had tried to show me I could play, I could be part of a team again.

The dark storm that had followed me around for so long sighed in defeat, promising to be back as it crawled away along the pavement. The rain fell heavier as I opened my eyes and saw a drained and drenched Jasper standing there, his clothes hanging off him, his hair plastered to his head. He stared at me with a look of hope on his face. I was exhausted, my mind and heart weak and sore, but I was sure of one thing.

"I want to go back," I whispered.

He tried to suppress a smile as he exhaled a long breath and nodded. "Okay. I can arrange that," he said carefully, like he was afraid if I heard the words I might change my mind.

"Do you believe I'll ever walk again?" I asked him softly. Walking over to me, he kneeled on the wet driveway and put his hands casually on the armrests. We were outside where we could be seen by anyone, he wouldn't risk anything more.

"I think anything is possible," he murmured.

Tilting my head, I gazed into his sea blue eyes, reading them as I had thousands of times before. "But you've done all the research, what has it told you?"

"Edward," he sighed, then dropped his head for a few long seconds before looking back at me. "There is a chance you could regain some of your sensation for pain and touch, but motor function is harder. If you walk, it will probably have to be with a walker and braces, and probably not for a long time."

"I want to walk," I mumbled. "I want to run and stand and jump."

"I know," he said just as quietly.

Reaching up, I touched the ends of his hair, pulling them from his damp skin. Even wet, it was just like silk. "I can't do it without you."

"You don't have to," he vowed. I could tell he wanted to touch me, hold me. It was a look I'd seen on him many times when others were around and he had to stop himself. The skies poured down on us as I fingered Jasper's hair and his hand moved to my thigh.

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time," I whispered.

"Baby, won't you help me understand," he returned with sad smile. I shook my head, knowing what he was asking. Someday I might be able to tell him about the darkness, but not then, not when it still lurked so close. Understanding, he nodded. "Let's go inside and dry off."

Standing, he looked around, and then held out his hand. Not hesitating, I took it, using my other to push the chair toward the ramp. It wasn't wide enough to go up it side by side so Jasper released my hand and let me go up it alone. When I reached the top, I turned around and saw him staring at me from the bottom of the ramp.

"Coming?" I asked, holding out my hand. Smiling, he walked up the ramp to me and I swore when he got close, the dampness on his face wasn't only from the rain.

Inside, Jasper followed me down to my room, closing the door behind him. He peeled off his wet clothes before crouching in front of my dresser and pulling out two dry shirts and a pair of my sweatpants. I took off my own sweatshirt and tee shirt and tossed them in the pile on the floor before taking the one of the shirts Jasper handed me and putting it on while he slipped on some sweatpants and shirt. His hair was still dripping when he came over to me and sat sideways on my lap, wrapping an arm around my neck and resting his head on my shoulder. It was almost exactly the same position that he held me whenever he carried me. My pants were wet, probably soaking through his sweatpants but he didn't care. His fingers played with the hair at my nape, twisting the wet locks around while I took his other hand, watching our fingers entwine as he released a contented sigh. Within minutes, his body grew heavy and limp, his fingers, no longer caressing the back of my neck, fell to my shoulder where they rested.

"Jas?"

The only response was a deep breath. His tired eyes were closed, his body secure against me as he slept. Leaning my head against his, I couldn't help but smile. For the first time in a long time, I was the one holding him. My own eyes never closed, I watched over him as he slept in my arms, finally able to briefly share some of the burden he had carried for us both. I never glanced over at the corner, but I knew if I did, it would be empty because my own personal superhero was letting me comfort him.

For almost an hour, I just held him, whispering words from our song into his hair.

"Jas, wake up."

He nuzzled his nose into my neck, his moist breath heating up my skin and sending a ticklish shiver through me. Turning my head, I pressed my mouth to his, the shiver growing to a shudder when I felt his lips move against mine, his free hand slipping under my shirt to graze along my flesh. Before we could get too carried away, I broke the kiss.

"I want to wake up like that all the time," he chuckled. "I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"Don't be. It was nice."

"It was nice," he agreed. "I like sitting on your lap."

He climbed off me and stretched, lifting his arms above his head as he twisted his torso side to side. My eyes never left the sliver of skin showing above his sweatpants when the hem of my shirt rode up his abdomen.

"What time is it?"

"Almost six."

"Shit, I gotta go. I told my mom I'd be home for dinner tonight. She keeps cracking jokes about having to put my face on a milk carton."

"Hey, love?"

"Hmmm?" He picked up his wet clothes.

"Can I go over your place?"

"You want to come over to my house?"

"Yeah. I mean not right now, but we used to go there all the time but since…well, we don't anymore."

"Sure, anytime you want, baby," he said before bending over and putting his forehead to mine. "I'll call you later and let you know about basketball."

"Okay," I said weakly. As much as I had decided to go back, I was still scared. With one last kiss, he went to the door and I spun the chair around.

"Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love."

He winked and left. I glanced over my shoulder to the corner.

There was nothing there but boxes of medical supplies.

"**~~**"

It was after dinner before I heard from Jasper.

"Hey."

"Hey," I smiled at just hearing his voice.

"So I emailed the coach and heard back already. He's pretty excited you changed your mind."

"He is?"

"Very. He said there's a practice tomorrow night and we can come watch and you could talk to him, get some more information."

"Okay."

"Practice starts at six, so if I pick you up right after track, we should be there on time."

"Okay, I'll be ready."

"Baby," he whispered. "It's going to be okay."

"How did you…"

"Because I know you. You're sitting there with your shirt between your fingers twisting it around them so hard they are turning white."

I looked down at the hem of my shirt wrapped tightly around two of my fingers and sighed. "Well, of course I'm sitting here," I teased and he laughed.

"You know what I mean. You're amazing, baby, they would be lucky to have you."

"I'm amazing only to you."

"To everyone. I'll be there in the morning," he said before I could argue. "Love you. Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love."

Hanging up, I went down the hall to try to find my father. When I heard movement in the kitchen I headed toward it.

"Dad?"

Jumping, he closed the fridge door and turned around holding a glass of milk. "Scared me. You mother doesn't know," he chuckled, lifting a brownie toward me before biting into it.

"I want to try basketball," I blurted out before I lost my nerve. He glanced around before holding a finger to his lips and I looked at him, confused.

"I don't want to worry your mother unnecessarily, so let's not tell her until it's certain you're going to play," he whispered.

"She won't want me to?"

"She's a mother, she doesn't want you to do anything that might hurt you," he answered.

"Driving hurt me," I countered.

"Yes, but it's hard to keep your kids chained to the house. You've got to let them drive sooner or later, but it doesn't mean ever stop worrying."

"Should she be worried? I mean, it is okay to play?"

"Yes, you are physically able to play, but, as with everything, there is a risk involved." He continued when I sighed. "Edward, try it. If it's not for you, then it's not for you, but you won't know until you try."Finishing off the brownie and milk, he put the glass in the sink. "Now this is a stupid question, but is Jasper going to take you?"

"Yeah, there is a practice the day after tomorrow."

"They have practices?" he asked, his brows suddenly furrowing.

"Um, yeah."

"How many?"

"I don't know yet."

He nodded, trying to cover up the concern he had let slip. "Well, let me know how it goes and we can decide what and when to tell your mother." He gave me a smile and then left.

"**~~**"

Emmett arrived at my house shortly after I got home from school the next day. I'd had barely enough time to change into sweatpants before he was knocking on my bedroom door.

"Getting pretty buff, Cullen," he whistled when he opened the door and found me shirtless. "You must be driving all the girls wild."

"Not exactly," I replied sarcastically as I tugged a shirt on. "Ready?" I followed him to the old dining room, groaning when he hit play on the stereo. "Can't we listen to something else for once? Please?"

He padded the bench for me to transfer over to and shook his head. "I think you partially owe this new buff body to Survivor and the Village People for their inspirational music." I lay back on the bench and he lifted my legs for me, placing them on the padding before he picked one up and moved it toward my chest and then back out in a peddling motion. "So how's everything going? You been feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I still get tired easier, but I've been working out on your off days."

"Everything okay at school?"

"Yeah. It's going okay."

"No problems using the catheters? Having regular bowel movements? Any pain?" he asked, never pausing his movements.

"No and yes and no."

"Now all that business is out of the way, what's new?"

I folded my arms under my head, lifting it so I could look at him. "I think I'm going to try to play basketball."

He paused, a grin slowly spreading across his face. "Oh really?"

"Yeah, there's a team in Port Angeles that Jasper found. I'm going to go talk to them tomorrow." I left out the part about having already been there. "You think it's okay?"

"Sure. You've definitely got the upper strength for it, the endurance will come with some time. Just be careful, they can get pretty physical."

"I miss that about playing. The pushing and shoving."

"Well this pushing and shoving comes with chairs attached. Lots of pinched hands and fingers, bruised forearms."

"I can handle those."

He placed my foot back on the floor and picked up the other one, repeating the motion. We finished the hour in the workout room, and then we went to my room for a massage. I still felt awkward being naked in front of him, but Emmett never even seemed to notice. He gave me some advice on playing basketball, and I rolled my eyes when he said he could take me one on one.

"Anytime, anyplace," I challenged as he kneaded my shoulders.

"You got it," he replied. "I'm, not here again until Friday, but instead of doing PT, we're shooting hoops."

"You really want to get your ass kicked by a kid in a wheelchair?"

"Oh, you're sassy," he teased before slapping my back. "And I think you're done."

He picked up a small rag off the bed and wiped the massage oil off his hands while I held the towel to my hips and rolled onto my back.

"You sure basketball is okay?"

"Positive," he answered, putting the rag and his oil in his bag. "I know it doesn't feel much like it anymore, but you're an athlete, Edward. Just listen to your body, just like you did when you played before. You'll know if you're pushing it." Slinging the strap of his bag over his shoulder, he stood by the door. "I'll see you Friday."

"Bring it," I smiled as he closed the door behind him.

"**~~**"

"I'm nervous," I admitted as he turned onto the highway, his fingers laced with mine on the seat between us.

After Emmett had left the day before, I had showered and waited for Jasper to arrive. When he dragged his ass into my room and collapsed on my bed, he looked utterly exhausted. Lying on his stomach, he folded his arms and put his head down on them.

"Hard practice?"

He nodded, his eyes already drifting closed. "But I wanna show you something," he mumbled as he lifted his head and forced his eyes open. He motioned to my laptop on my desk and I went over and got it for him. Sitting up, he yawned as he booted it up and went right to You Tube. After entering a search, he clicked on a video and then turned the computer so I could see it too. I pulled my chair up the edge of the bed and leaned my elbows on the mattress. Jasper moved so he was lying on his stomach again, his arms folded as he rested his chin on them.

It was a wheelchair basketball game, a championship game according to the title.

"It's the junior division for the southwest, not your team, but same idea," he explained, watching me as I watched the video. I could hear the people in the bleachers cheering, I saw the referees, one in a wheelchair himself while the other was on foot, moving along the sidelines. The players were both boys and girls, some were definitely better than others.

"Do you know why the NWBA was started?" he asked quietly and I shook my head. "After WWII, a lot of the men came home injured and were confined to wheelchairs for the rest of their lives. These were all young men in their prime. They had been active before the war and when they came home, they still wanted to be and were frustrated when they couldn't. So they got together and started wheelchair sports like ping pong and bowling, then volleyball and finally basketball and touch football. Basketball became the most popular and the NWBA was born."

Taking my eyes from the screen, I glanced at him. "How do you know all this?"

"Who needs to do English homework," he shrugged with a smile. "I did a little research on it. What I'm saying is, it must be a pretty admirable thing if it was started by soldiers."

Turning back to the screen, I watched the rest of the video with Jasper next to me. "You really think I can do this?" I asked cautiously.

"No."

Surprised, I looked at him.

"I know you can."

Leaning toward, I rested my temple to his as we finished watching the video. It ended and he clicked on another one. We watched a few more, all the NWBA junior division. I paid special attention to the boys, the way they moved so easily and quickly in the chairs. They were all in good shape, their muscled shoulders and arms visible in the tank top uniforms. There was a fast break, and a guy passed it to his teammate who sat on the three point line and sank the ball in the basket.

"Did you see that?" When Jasper didn't reply, I glance at him. His eyes were closed, his lips apart as he slept. I sighed, brushing his hair back, he stirred, but didn't wake. Letting him sleep, I clicked through more videos of not only basketball but other sports. I found one kid doing backflips in his chair, another that surfed, one that skied. All paralyzed teenagers doing what they loved to do.

If they could do it, then maybe I could too.

Jasper slept on my bed until his phone rang. He jumped up to his knees, his hand going to his pocket to dig it out before he mumbled into it.

"Hello?" He listened before answering. "Yeah, I'll be home soon. Okay, see ya." He tossed the phone on the bed and lay back down. "Just my mom." Even as he finished saying the words, his eyes were fluttering closed again.

"Jas, you need to go home. You're tired."

"I'm fine," he mumbled sleepily.

"What if you fall asleep driving? I don't think I…" Before I finished, he had lifted his head was cupping my cheek with his hand.

"Babe, I'll be fine. But you're right, I should go," he apologized as he rolled onto his side. "Did you like the videos?"

"Yeah, they were cool." He smiled. My boy thinks he knows me well, and he does, but I know him just as well and his blue eyes were worn with all that he'd been carrying around. "Go home and sleep."

"I've got some homework to do, but straight to bed after that, I promise," he winked. After a quick kiss, he was climbing off my bed and practically stumbling to my door.

"Text me when you get home please," I requested, knowing I was going to worry about him driving so tired. If he nodded off for just a second it would be long enough to cross the lanes into oncoming traffic.

"I will. Be safe, baby," he said as he opened my door.

"You too, love," I replied, changing the routine for the first time. He gave me his best pout. "See ya soon, love," I sighed, shaking my head. Beaming, he closed the door and left. I turned back to the computer and played more videos until my phone buzzed.

Home safe mom. *wink* Love you, see you in the morning.

I replied. Good boy, now do your homework and go to bed. I love you

The squeeze of Jasper's hand on mine brought me from my memories and back to him, back to the cab of the truck as he navigated it along the highway. My fingers played with the hem of my sweatshirt, I had worn sweatpants and a tee shirt with a sweatshirt over it, hoping the captain's 'C' on my sweatshirt might impress them. It had been a long time since I had to try out for a team; usually it was the teams that wanted me.

"Don't be nervous," he replied.

"Why not?"

"Sam, the coach you met? He's seen some of your game film."

"What? How?"

"I may have told him it was on You Tube," he shrugged innocently.

"Jasper," I groaned.

"What?"

"That's not me. I can't do that shit anymore," I sighed.

"Excuse me?" he mocked me with an arched brow. "That wasn't you sinking three pointers left and right the other day?"

"That was different. We were alone, there weren't people trying to block the shot. I don't even know if can shoot while I'm moving."

"You could shoot while running," he reasoned. I turned and looked out the window. "Babe, it's going to be fine. Just do your thing."

"My thing?" I tried not to smile.

"Yeah, you know, you're basketball thing. The mad Cullen skills," he said, referring to the championship game the year before when the scouts had come.

"Cullen mad skills," I repeated and he nodded.

"You got them, flaunt them," he agreed before turning the music up and drowning out the rest of my fears.

He pulled into the parking lot of the building about thirty minutes later and wasted no time hopping out and getting my chair. Once I was in it, we headed for the sidewalk. Jasper led the way up the wide ramp to the automatic doors. We entered and turned left toward the gym.

"Ready?" Jasper asked as we reached the entrance to the court. Taking a deep breath, I nodded and pushed the chair inside onto the hardwood floor. Jasper stood next to me as we watched Sam approach with a big smile.

"Edward, good to see you back," he greeted, sticking out his hand and I shook it.

"Thanks."

"Decided to try it?"

"Yeah, but it's been awhile."

"Doesn't matter. Talent like yours doesn't fade, it just might take some getting used to. Why don't you come over here and I'll introduce you to the team and then you can run some drills with us?"

"Sure," I said softly.

"Jasper, you can have seat on the bleachers," Sam told him as he turned and went toward the other sidelines. Yanking off my gloves, I handed them to Jasper, and knowing I was scared, he smiled at me. He could probably hear my heart pounding in my chest.

"You can do this," he whispered quietly to me. "Mad Cullen skills."

I almost smiled as I grabbed the handrails and pushed myself across the court to the rest of the team. A few looked up as I approached, some were adjusting their chairs while others were putting on practice jerseys. There were seven of them sitting in a semicircle, all in a different kind of chair than mine. They were more streamlined with a much smaller seat and wheels that were angled in at the top. Even more different was the framework between the wheels that held four smaller wheels on it, two in the front touching the ground, and two in the back slightly raised off the ground. There was also a bar along the front of the chair right above those wheels that resembled a fender. I hadn't gone very fast in my chair yet, but from watching the videos I knew the wheels were to help prevent the chairs from tipping over when turning too quickly or when they were bumped in to.

"Guys, this is Edward, he's here to check the team out," Sam introduced me. I rolled to a stop next to him and looked around at the other players, all boys except for one. She seemed tall, her long legs were strapped to her chair and her black hair was pulled back. The boys eyed me as something between a potential friend or a potential threat. The first to speak up was a boy about my age with straight, light brown hair that fell over his forehead, covering one extremely dark blue eye. He flicked his head, the lock of hair moving gracefully to the side as he smiled bright and wide and friendly.

"Hey, I'm Riley," he said, leaning forward with his hand curled into a fist for me to bump. I mirrored his motion, tapping his fist with my own.

"Edward," I said nervously with my trademark crooked grin. "Nice to meet you."

The rest of team joined in and quickly reeled off their names, and I tried desperately to catch them all.

The girl was Leah.

The boy with freckles and red hair was Collin.

The one with glasses was Brady.

Even though they weren't related, Jared, Paul and Quil all looked alike with black hair, dark skin and brown eyes. It was a good thing their hair was different lengths because it was the only way to tell them apart. They were all friendly, smiling and joking as they introduced themselves and told me what positions they played. When they were done, Riley spoke up again.

"How long?" he asked, motioning to my chair.

"New Year's Eve," I mumbled, not yet comfortable talking about it with a complete stranger.

"That's tough," he sympathized. "Been a little under two years for me. T7 complete." His statistics were like a badge of honor he wore with pride, something he had suffered through and now could easily say without it making him feel bad.

Sam pulled a rack of balls over, dragging them behind his chair as he moved them to the edge of court. "Okay guys, let's get started."

They all pushed away, going right to the rack of basketballs and grabbing one before they split into two lines for a layup drill.

"Everyone's really friendly. They're all in the same situation, just everyday kids that had something happen and now they're in a chair," Sam said to me as we watched the players.

"Are they all paralyzed?"

"No, Brady has spina bifida, Leah can walk with braces and crutches. The rest are paralyzed in some form, not all are completes, the highest we have is Jared with a T2 incomplete. His hand motion is limited, he can shoot but not dribble." I watched them on the court, running the drill just like they would have it they had been standing. "Jasper tells me you're a T12 incomplete?"

"Yeah."

"Any feeling?"

"One spot on my thigh," I shrugged.

"Better than nothing," he winked. "I'm a T12 myself. Complete though. My legs are nothing but added weight now," he joked. He eyed me for a few minutes, watching his team as they switched to another warm up drill. "I've seen you play, you're very good."

"I used to be. I don't know anymore."

"Trust me, I'm a coach, I know," he smiled, and then motioned to the team. "Riley's our captain, he's been on the team since about four months after his accident. Always at practice, always smiling, one of the most athletic kids I've seen in a long time…until you."

While Sam spoke about Riley, I watched him. He moved like an athlete, his coordination was good, smoothly weaving the chair around, spinning and turning sharply. He wore a white cotton tank top, the muscles in his shoulders and upper arms were even more defined than mine, and I found myself watching them roll under his tanned skin. There was never a time he wasn't smiling or calling out encouraging words to his teammates. He seemed so comfortable…so happy.

I wondered if I would ever reach that point.

"What happened to him?" I asked Sam quietly so Riley wouldn't hear me.

"He was sixteen and one of the best competitive mountain bikers in the country. He was in the semifinals of the northwest championship and hit something, sent him over the front of his bike and he hit a rock. They say his helmet saved his life, but it didn't save his spine," Sam explained.

The circumstances of Riley's accident were different than mine, but the outcome had been the same, young, athletic guy who had had his future stolen from him in the blink of an eye.

Just like me.

As I looked out at the rest of them practicing shots and passes, I realized they were all like me. Maybe because of different reasons, but they had been sentenced to life in the same prison I was. Somehow we all shared the same fate, it didn't matter how we got there, but we were in the battle together.

Sam interrupted my revelation. "You can do some things tonight, but until you get a chair, you shouldn't do much more than some shooting drills. Riley," Sam called out, and Riley stopped dribbling and looked over. "Come take Edward down to the other end and go over a few things."

Smiling, Riley motioned to me to join him as he pushed his chair toward the other end, easily dribbling the ball next to him. As I gripped the handrails to move, I looked at Jasper sitting on the bleachers. He was leaning back, his elbows on the row behind him, his long legs stretched in front of him, crossed at the ankles. Tilting his head to the side, he smiled at me, his blue eyes sparkling all the way across the gym. Blushing under his attention, I gave him quick smile and then headed to the other end where Riley waited for me.

"What did you play?" Riley asked as I stopped in front of him. When I looked at him, I realized how odd it seemed to look into someone's eyes and not have to be looking up. It was a nice change.

"Point," I answered.

"Who for?"

"Forks, Spartans."

"Wait, are you Cullen?" he asked, a grin coming to his face as he shook his head.

"Yeah," I answered hesitantly.

"Shit. We've played you before," he chuckled, then continued at my confused look. "The Port Angeles Roughriders?"

"Yeah, we played the Roughriders. You were on the team?

"Yep. It was my junior year, the winter before my accident. I remember you. Hell of an outside shooter, you killed us downtown. You've got fantastic court vision."

"Thanks," I mumbled, the blush from Jasper's grin deepening under the compliment.

Mad Cullen skills.

"We're going to be unbeatable this year with you," he said devilishly.

"Don't count on it. I've never done this."

"You'll get the hang of it," he assured me before tossing me the ball. "I'll rebound."

I waited until he was near the basket and I backed my chair up the top of the arc.

You can do it. I could practically hear Jasper whisper across the gym.

Without hesitating, I released the ball, my wrist following through perfectly putting just the right amount of backspin on the ball as it swished through the net. Riley reached out and snagged it, quickly bounce passing it to me. Catching it, I performed the same move again, sinking another shot. Shaking his head, Riley grabbed the ball and passed it again. We continued like that, all my shots from the three point line at different spots, and I easily made three quarters of them. Riley rebounded them all, grinning more with each one I made, mumbling to himself about how the team was going to kick ass.

"Try a layup," he suggested, moving his chair out of the way. I looked down at my lap, at my useless legs, the ones that used to run me to the hoop and propel me into the air.

"I don't know how."

"I've seen you do layups, man," he argued and I shook my head.

"I don't know how in the chair."

"Here," he said as he wheeled over to me, "try dribbling just sitting there."

I dribbled the ball next to my chair on both sides while he watched.

"Now, dribble as you push, like this." He took the ball and showed me, making it look effortless as he dribbled, then pushed his chair so quick that he was able to pick up the dribble again after only one bounce. The chair moved smoothly over the floor with a lot of speed considering he had only pushed it once. My chair was heavier and bulkier, there was no way it would be as easy. When he passed me the ball, I tried it, feeling clumsy and slow, losing control of the ball a few times.

"These chairs have less friction, so they move smoother. They also only weigh about twenty-five pounds," he tried to excuse my lack of skill. "We give one good push and we can get going pretty fast. Do you know anything about the rules of wheelchair ball?"

Shaking my head, I kept trying to dribble and then push, trying to time it just right so that I could catch the ball to dribble again.

"There's no double dribble, but we do have traveling. You can put the ball on your lap to push to gain some momentum, but you can only push twice before it's a travel. If you're still, you can only swing to the side twice before it's a travel."

Keeping those in mind, I tried again, failing only slightly less. I was growing frustrated with myself. Something that had been second nature to me before, something I could do sitting, standing, walking, running, hell, even blindfolded, suddenly seemed almost impossible as I constantly fucked up. I kept expecting to hear the darkness near me, giggling at my failure and telling me to give up, but all I felt was the loving weight of Jasper's gaze as he watched every move I made.

"There ya go," Riley encouraged, sitting in his chair he moved it side to side as he watched me move around him. Sweat dripped down my face and I stopped when I felt it stinging my eyes. Putting the ball on my lap, I pulled my sweatshirt off and threw it to the sidelines.

"How's it going?" Sam asked as he rolled up.

"Good," Riley answered. "Turns out, we're former competitors. Course, he kicked our ass."

Sam laughed and then looked at me. "What do you think?"

"I can't dribble, much less do anything like a layup," I complained.

"But he has the most beautiful outside shot," Riley countered.

"Yeah, I've seen it. Be nice to have someone not afraid of the three," Sam offered.

"Hey, I don't mind taking it, it's just I feel better underneath."

"Riley is our post," Sam told me. "He likes to get down and dirty under the basket."

I glanced Riley to see him wiggling his eyebrows. "Did you play post with the Roughriders?" I asked.

"Yep."

He had the bulk of a post player, his wide shoulders would have offered him plenty of room to block out his defender as he turned to the hoop. It would be nice to have someone dependable under the basket to pass to again, the teamwork between the entire team was important, but it was always nice to have that connection between your post and point. Sullivan and I worked so well together that I had always known exactly where he was going to be and when.

But I wasn't going to be playing point if I couldn't dribble the dam ball.

Sam called the other players down and they quickly joined us. "Why don't we show Edward here some basic plays, let's do a three on three."

I moved to the side with a few players while Sam put the whistle in his mouth and toss the ball up. They only used half the court, the six players passing and dribbling and shooting. Chairs banged into each other as defenders collided with offenders, there was a lot of laughing, but they took it competitively too. Perhaps not as much as I did, but they weren't just doing it for fun either, they each had a seriousness about them. They played for about six minutes before Sam substituted Brady in for Collin. Collin seemed to be their point guard, and he was pretty good. Much better at dribbling then I was and he had a nice shot, but his passes were slower than mine. I eyed each of them, dissecting their skill level, learning how they moved, how they defended, but my eyes kept going back to Riley, his beaming smile and fit body as he high fived his Quil after a nice block. Everything he did seemed effortless, his body moved deftly and if I hadn't seen the chair he was strapped in, I never would have known he was a paraplegic. The others moved almost as aptly as him, but none quite the same way. Glancing down the court, I saw Jasper in the bleachers, still in the same position, watching the game with genuine interest. When he saw me look at him, he gave me little wave and I smiled.

My boy was pretty damn perfect.

Jared pulled up next to me. "Do you like it?"

"Basketball was my life, but I kinda at it suck now."

"It'll come back. I didn't play for almost a year and it took awhile to get back into it."

When Sam blew the whistle, Jared went in and Leah came out. She parked her chair a few feet from mine, darting her eyes to me shyly before focusing on the game. Silently, we watched the scrimmage for a few minutes until Sam finally called it. Sweaty and tired, the team headed for the sidelines. I followed behind them, feeling awkward and not really sure what to do. Riley casually rolled by a water bottle on the floor and without pausing leaned over the side of his chair and picked it up as he kept moving.

"Show off," I muttered under my breath. He finally stopped at the bench and picked up a towel, rubbing his face with it before draping it around his neck. When he saw me lagging behind, he waved me over.

"Come on, Cullen" he said, calling me into their circle. Pulling up, I stopped next to him and Sam began to speak.

"We've got the Timberwolves on Saturday, then practice twice next week. If you can't make it, email me. Same time, same nights. Edward, I'll email you a schedule and the forms I need you to fill out."

"But…" I began but my words were lost in the chatter. The team broke up, each kid gathering up their stuff and shoving it in their duffle bags before heading toward the exit. Riley stayed to help Sam clean up and I retrieved a few balls and tossed them back to Riley as he put them on the rack.

"Thanks," he smiled before grabbing his sweatshirt. I reached down and picked up my own, sliding it on. "So you going to play?"

"I don't know why you'd want me," I grumbled as my head poked through the hole of the sweatshirt.

"It'll come," he assured me. It seemed to be a reoccurring theme with them all. "When Sam sends out the email, my address will be listed, feel free to drop me an email if you have any questions or anything."

"Great, thanks," I smiled.

"See ya, Cullen," he said as he spun his chair around and headed toward the exit. Sam pushed the cart aside and picked up his own duffle bag, hanging it on his chair.

"So what do you think?"

"It was nice to shoot again, but I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to do anything else," I admitted.

"You will. Like Riley said, it'll come. You just need to practice. Speaking of, our practices are Tuesdays and Thursdays six to seven-thirty, can you make those?"

I hadn't even considered practices or how I was going to get there. I hadn't really thought much past that first night. "I'll have to find out."

"Do you drive?"

I shook my head.

"You will also need to get a chair. I can recommend a place in Seattle, they're great and give the team a decent discount. There are some other supplies you'll need, the basics like a uniform, bottle, and bag. Then there are fees for the use of the gym, officials, travel expenses to games."

"How much are the chairs?"

"Depends on which one you get, but most are around two thousand."

I swallowed around the lump that had quickly risen in my throat. I'd had no idea they were so expensive.

"So I'll email you the schedule and we'll go from there," he smiled as he put his hand out for me to shake. "I'm glad you decided to come back."

"Me too, thanks," I replied as I backed my chair up and then turned toward the door. Jasper was leaning against it, his hands in his jean's pockets as he pushed off it when I got closer.

"How'd it go?" he asked as we left the gym and went down the darkened hallway.

"Okay, I guess," I shrugged. "I'm not very good. I can't dribble for shit."

"Babe, you're not going to be perfect you're first time."

"I used to be."

"Sure, after years of practice. You'll pick it up," he tried to reassure me. The automatic doors opened and we went out into the chilly night air, Jasper following me down the ramp. We reached the truck and he lifted me inside and then put my chair in the back. He started the truck up as soon as he was inside and turned the heat on, but didn't immediately buckle his seatbelt. Instead, he moved closer to me, putting a finger under my chin, he drew my lips to his for a soft, brief kiss.

"I'm so proud of you, baby," he murmured against my lips.

I couldn't help but smile and I lifted my hand to brush my fingers along the scruff on his jaw line. Closing his eyes at my touch, he sighed and leaned toward me again, his lips meeting mine in a deeper, more intense kiss. Without saying another word, or breaking the kiss, he straddled me, the seat creaking under his knees as he placed them on either side of my thighs. Automatically, my hands went to his hips to help settle him on my lap, my tongue swirling with his.

"I need you to touch me," he murmured, moving his lips down my neck, nibbling on the tender skin before finally reaching my ear. "I need you so bad, baby."

"We're in a parking lot," I reminded him even as I closed my eyes and trembled at the feeling of his warm breath on my skin.

"It's empty."

"It's public."

"Remember what we used to do after your games? You know what watching you play does to me, and I can't wait until we get home."

I blushed, recalling all the times Jasper had practically dragged me to my car after my games, insisting we went someplace where we could be alone. After our clothes were shed and I lay on top of him in the back of the car, he would tell him how watching me play excited him, then he would inhale my scent and groan. I could sympathize because watching Jasper run turned me on just as much.

"I think I shot more loads in my car than anywhere else. Well, besides your mouth," I chuckled. "Remember the night we took the truck to the field out by Emerson's and lay in the back?"

"Mmmm, that was so fucking hot," he moaned. Licking his lips, he gazed at me, his eyes three shades darker than they had been only minutes before. The control he had over me, the way he made me feel, was overwhelming. "Me too," he whispered, replying to the unspoken thoughts in my head.

Sometimes I wondered where he ended and I began.

"We…should…go," I stuttered, completely entranced by his rapture. Just then Paul began singing our song and Jasper smirked at me.

"Baby, we've done this at school during the day before. It's dark, there's no one around and I'm fucking hard as a rock after watching you play."

A tingling went down my arms at thought of him still getting excited by simply watching me. I glanced around outside the truck. He was right, it was empty except for us, and there were no lights near us.

"Just touch me," he begged, dropping his forehead to my shoulder and moving his hips along my thighs. Learning my head against his, his silky hair caressing my cheek, I moved a hand from his hip and palmed his cock through his jeans, immediately earning a throaty moan. "More." He slid his hips back, giving me room to work and my hands quickly popped the button and lowered the zipper of his jeans. His breaths were already heavy as I opened the flaps of his jeans and shoved his briefs down. There was nothing between his cock and my hand. It was hard and red, pleading for my touch.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I mumbled as my fingers brushed over the head, smearing the fluid that had already beaded there. Jasper groaned loudly, never lifting his head from my shoulder while the tips of my fingers teased the flared head of his cock. "I never knew I had such a slutty boyfriend."

Finally, he lifted his head, his eyes glazed and barely opened as he stared at me. "I can't help it, you're so fucking hot," he answered simply, honestly.

Just as my fingers wrapped around his length, he leaned forward and kissed me, hard and deep, his tongue plunging into my mouth, seeking and exploring everything he already knew but seemed to never get enough of. I couldn't feel his weight on me, but his hips started to slowly move over my thighs, bucking into my grip as much as possible. My nails dug into his jeans as I coaxed him to move even more. Our lips mashed together, noses bumping in urgency as he tilted his head to deepen it even further. Whimpering into the kiss, he pulled away with short shallow breaths, his hips moving in a circular motion as my hand began to stroke him. Suddenly, a shudder traveled through his body and he sat up straight. Never taking his eyes from mine, he pulled his sweatshirt off and tossed it aside before grabbing the bottom of his tee shirt and pulling it up behind his head, exposing his chest and abdomen. Then he leaned back against the dashboard, allowing me to see him better and giving him more room to move. Lifting his hand, he curved it around my neck, fisting the hair on the back of my head as he began to thrust up into my hand. I was filled with the need to strip his clothes off, to see him completely naked and vulnerable on me, but considering our circumstances, I settled for his bare chest and throbbing cock in my hand.

"Fucking hot," I whispered, watching him as his tongue darted out and ran along his swollen bottom lip, the lids of his eyes half closed as he watched me through his lashes. "I love it when you can't help yourself."

The corner of his lip curled up but he couldn't reply as his eyes glanced from mine to his cock on my hand.

"Fuck yeah, baby, feels so good," he barely got out in intelligible words before his head lolled back and he began to thrust harder. Precum slid down his cock, running over the back of my hand and I was tempted to bring it up to my mouth to taste him. I could almost see his ass flexing, the muscles working to lift his pelvis. Releasing his hip, I ran my hand up his chest, enjoying the way his skin quivered from my touch, the way his nipples were pebbled and longing. Bringing my hand down his abdomen, I watched his muscles tense as I lowered my hand further and pushed his jeans and briefs down more. When my fingers skimmed his hot, wrinkled skin of his balls, he arched his back and tried to widen his stance.

"Fuck, please, ba…baby," he babbled.

My boy wanted more.

Holding him tightly, I let him fuck my hand, wantonly and shameless as he chased down the orgasm he desired to so much. The cab of the truck filled with the musky scent of his arousal and the keening sounds that poured endlessly from his mouth.

"I wanna see my slutty boy come," I told him, amazed at the way his cock twitched at the words, as if it knew what I meant. It was no secret that I loved Jasper's dirty talk when he touched me, and while he rarely admitted it, my words turned him on just as much.

"Jesus, so close," he groaned, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Fucking close."

I could already tell he was from the flush over his chest, the panting breaths, and the way his hips had lost all semblance of rhythm. He lifted his hips as I stroked him hard and fast, drawing his orgasm from him. It took effort, but he lifted his head, his eyes meeting mine in a lust induced haze.

"Fuck," he cried out, the cordons in his throat straining just as his orgasm crashed over him. In my hand, his cock pulsed, and then erupted long, thick streams of warm cum onto his stomach. His hand tightened further in my hair, tugging on it so hard it hurt as he was swept away by the sensations in his body, each wave of his climax hitting him only slightly weaker than the one before it. He remained thrusting until his cum was dribbling from the slit and down onto my hand as I continued to milk him, gradually slowing my strokes.

"Babe," he sighed, "that was…fucking wow."

My hand still on his cock, I enjoyed the way his body responded to me, quivering and shaking because of my touch, my words, my looks. It didn't matter if I was paralyzed, for some reason, Jasper still wanted me, his body still yearned for mine as much as it ever had. I could still bring him the same pleasure, the same intense releases, as before. Sated, he smiled at me, his eyes almost rolling back into his head when I stroked his cum slickened cock one last time.

I was still holding his cock when he leaned forward and kissed me, finally easing the hold on my hair, threading his fingers gently through it as he traced my lips with his tongue. His body continued to jerk and tremble with the remains of his climax. Breaking the kiss, he moved his mouth to my ear.

"I love you so fucking much," he breathed softly.

It was my turn to shiver, little bolts of energy traveling down my arms and spine. I didn't know if it was his words or his breath on my ear, but I wanted him.

"I gotta to clean up," he said, glancing around for something he could use. When he didn't see anything in the cab, he took his shirt off. Regretfully, I let go to his cock, letting it fall limp against his pants while he began wiping off his chest and abs. Watching him, I brought my hand up to my mouth and when he realized what I was doing, he stopped and stared me at as I licked his cum off my fingers, twirling my tongue around and moaning as his potent flavor filled my mouth.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he groaned, practically drooling. "You're going to make me fucking hard again." Throwing the shirt aside, he kissed me again, sampling the taste. My hands returned to his hips and he began to move them again.

"We gotta go," I mumbled, trying to push him, chuckling when he sighed as he climbed off me. He put his sweatshirt on and did up his seatbelt as I did the same. Finally, he shifted into reverse and backed out. Once he turned onto the main road, he took my hand in his, bring it to his nose and inhaling deeply.

"Mmmm, smells good," he said, kissing it before dropping them both to the seat. "Thank you. I really needed that."

"My pleasure," I smiled. Instead of watching the passing scenery out the window, I gazed at Jasper the entire ride home, my eyes never leaving his profile, his flushed cheeks and bruised lips.

My eyes never strayed from my boy.

"**~~**"

The next day my mother dropped me off after school, then immediately left again to go get Alice from something she had stayed after for. I entered the house alone and went down to my room, relived to see it was still empty of anything but the furniture and my stuff. Bored, I went booted up my computer to watch more videos and see if I could learn from them. When I saw an email from Sam, I opened it and found the schedule and forms that I needed to complete attached. I printed them out and then read them over, filling them all out, but my parents had to sign a permission and release form. Remembering what my father had said about my mom not knowing, I folded up the papers and went out to the living room where they had moved his office desk to. Looking around his desk, I tried to find someplace to put the papers where my mother wouldn't see them. As I shuffled through the stack of envelopes on his desk, I began to notice they were all from hospitals, doctors, medical supply companies. Curious, I looked inside a few that were opened.

They were all bills.

Not just bills, but bills for thousands and thousands of dollars.

Some of what they said made no sense to me, and they all used codes for procedures, but I could read the numbers at the bottom next to 'total amount due'. One for twelve thousand, one for a little over fifteen thousand, and one for nearly seventy thousand from the hospital I had been at in Seattle where my surgery had been done. There was even a letter from Jasper's dad with a bill attached for two thousand strictly for supplies. And those were only the ones that were opened, there were more unopened ones.

My dad made good money, we had always had enough to take vacations, buy everything we needed and some extras, and pay our bills, but even if insurance paid some the bills I held in my hand, we were still going to owe thousands.

Everything I had cost them, the money, rearranging and remodeling their house, having to drive me everywhere, the appointments, the PT…it all screamed one thing to me.

I was handicapped.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Edward's dream got me every time I read it…

Basketball terms: http:/www DOT growtall DOT com/basketball-glossary DOT htm

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