If on a Winter's Night

by Touchstone67

One fateful, winter's night, Edward and Jasper's lives are turned upside down. Is their relationship strong enough to withstand the aftermath, or will they be driven apart forever? Rated M for sexual situations, language. AH J/E slash

22. We Can Work It Out

Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N-Yes, there are some repeated scenes in here, as well as some new ones we didn't hear from Jasper on, but they are vital to Edward and I feel we need to hear them from him. The chapter is dialogue heavy.

Thank you to everyone that reads and reviews. I appreciate it more than I say.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Edward pov

"**~~**"

If on a winter's night he hadn't doubted himself…

"**~~**"

I had done it.

And he was still there.

I had told Jasper about the darkness and he was still holding me, still by my side. Each his caresses soothed my nerves but nothing could stop the shaking. It was like I was cold but I wasn't. Even my teeth were chattering. Seeing the headlights had brought it all back, the crunching metal, the warm blood running down my face, the lack of pain in my legs before I passed out. It had been Jasper that had been able to get me back into a car after the accident, eventually even luring me to feel remotely comfortable. As long as I could hold his hand, I could do it.

We must have sat in the truck for over an hour as he listened, asked questions, and warily looked around the cab, wondering if I was being stalked. When we went to leave, I sat next to him, glued to his side with my hand on his thigh and my face buried in his shoulder.

At my house, he followed me inside with the new chair. My parents admired it and I really wanted to show it off, even sit in it, but I was exhausted and too shaken up to make small talk. I said goodnight and went to my room, entering it anxiously, expecting the darkness to immediately jump out at me. Jasper followed me, standing in my doorway as his eyes scanned the room, concentrating on the corner. It was empty when I grabbed a kit, but I knew as soon as I returned, as soon as Jasper was gone, it would haunt me. But when I got back to my room I didn't find the darkness, I found a half dressed Jasper. He told me he was sleeping over, even though earlier we had decided he wouldn't sleep over because he had to work at five-thirty in the morning.

"I'm not leaving you alone," he replied when I reminded him about work. "Got some sweatpants I can borrow?"

Without waiting for an answer he pulled out a pair of my sweatpants and put them on while I moved to my bed. I couldn't decide if I was frustrated that he felt he had to babysit me, or thankful that he was staying. Honestly, after what had happened, I didn't want to be alone. I needed to be with him, but I didn't want him to feel like he had to stay. When I told him he was only there because he knew about the darkness, he said I better get used to it because he was there for the rest of my life.

His words weren't practiced or rehearsed, they were honest and real and came from his heart. Over the two years we'd been together, we had made a lot of plans, some were really stupid and silly, like backpacking in Europe after graduating college, some were more realistic, like what our majors were going to be in college. Although, Jasper seemed to change his mind a lot on that. We knew the real plans from the ones we dreamed about doing someday, but the words he spoke then weren't a dream. They were definite, undeniable, and concrete. Jasper was going to be with me forever. The darkness might try to tell me otherwise, but I had no doubt that the vow that he made in my dark room was one he intended to keep. After four months of staying by my side even when even when I had pushed him away, hit him, yelled at him, and refused to believe him, he was still there, lying in my bed next to me with his lips at my ear.

"Promise?" I asked, turning to look into his eyes, to see if his words were a reality for him too. I saw nothing but his never ending devotion. How the hell he had so much of it, I will never know.

"Forever."

"Thanks, love," I sighed, my eyes already closing under the watchful security of his embrace.

That night I dreamed of graduation, of walking and kissing my boy. The excitement was still in my heart when I woke up in the middle of the night. Jasper was still next to me in the same position he had fallen asleep in, snoring with his head on my shoulder, his arm still on me. There was only one difference.

At some point in our sleep, my hand and found his and our fingers were threaded together.

Looking at our clasped hands on my belly, I smiled. Even in our sleep when our bodies were already connected, we sought each other out. Like magnets, there was no keeping us apart.

Sunday I woke up to an empty bed. There was a note scribbled on my nightstand and I smiled as I picked it up and read it.

I love waking up with you in my arms. Will call you tonight. Miss you.

Even when he wasn't with me, he knew exactly what to say.

I spent the day catching up on a few things for school and working out. After, I went to my room, quickly grabbing my laptop from my desk and moving to my bed. I put on some music and then opened a browser. Rarely had I done any searches on my condition. I was afraid of what might see. Thinking I might not walk again was difficult enough, but to see it splashed across my monitor was something I wasn't sure I could handle. After clicking on many different links, I found my way to a forum where they talked about research for SCIs. It was mostly centered on stem cell research, but there were a few other things mentioned as well. Feeling overwhelmed by not having Jasper there with me, I bookmarked the site for another day and turned off the computer.

There was some information I couldn't handle reading alone.

Deciding I need a distraction, I went out to the living room to my basketball chair. It sat near the door where Jasper had left it and approaching it, I sighed. I knew I should be excited about having it, and I was, but I couldn't deny I would rather have never needed it. Moving my chair in front of it, I transferred into the basketball chair. I opened the front door and went down the ramp, immediately noticing a change. The chair was much lighter and easier to push, and the wheels were angled. My father had said it was so that fingers didn't get pinched when chairs collided in games. Then there were the extra wheels in the front and one in the back for stability, and seatbelt that fastened around my thighs. Going to the garage door, I struggled to open it. The seat was higher than I my other chair and I had to bend over even more to reach the handle on the door, but I finally did and yanked it open. After I found my basketball, I returned to the driveway. Bouncing the ball next to me, I dribbled while sitting still before trying to dribble while moving. I was able to do it a few times, although it still seemed awkward. More often than not, I lost it and had to chase it down. The chair was more fluid than mine, and I could see why Riley wheeled so effortlessly at basketball.

Determined, I kept dribbling up and down my driveway, bouncing the ball, then pushing to catch up with it. When I got hot, I pulled off my tee shirt and kept going until I could circle my driveway once without losing the ball. Satisfied I wasn't going to get any better right then, I parked on the faded arc and shot. It barely went in, so I adjusted my next shot for the difference of height in the seat and it swished through the net. I continued shooting for awhile, rebounding my own shots and dribbling back out to the line. If I hadn't been sitting in a wheelchair with my legs strapped to it, I would have said it was pretty much like any other Sunday. It wasn't until my mother came to the door and told me dinner would be ready shortly that I realized I'd been outside for almost three hours. I put the ball away and closed the garage doors before going inside and eating dinner.

"You stink," Alice said, scrunching her nose up at me.

"Sorry," I shrugged, but I really wasn't. My mother asked a few questions about the chair and basketball, and I answered carefully. Without Jasper or my dad there to back me up, I didn't want to say the wrong thing and worry her. As soon as I was done eating, I showered, sitting under the spray of hot water until it went cold.

My day was complete when Jasper called later that night. The exhaustion in his voice was clear even from across town. He'd drive eight hours in a day, then spent the night watching over me only to crawl out of bed before sunrise and go work with his dad. Then he went the hospital and got donations for the race. He had begun to call it 'our' race, but when I corrected him and said he was the only one running, he shook his head and said that I would be there right next to him every step even if I couldn't feel it. Because of me, his words were soft and mumbled as he updated me on his long day. He needed time off from his life, even if only for a few hours.

"Hey, Jas?"

"Yeah?" he yawned.

"Why don't you just go home after practice tomorrow?"

"Ed-"

"Don't argue. Go home, get your homework done and then sleep." I knew what his reply would be even before he said it, so I had my counter argument ready to go.

"But I don't want you to be alone."

"I won't be. Alice will be around, probably my mother too. I can practice outside. I'll be fine." He sighed, not happy with my suggestion. I decided to try a different tactic. "Tell you what, you stay home tomorrow and I'll make it up to you on Tuesday at practice."

"How?"

"I don't know yet, but I will," I promised.

"Fuck, babe, you're making me hard. How about you talk dirty to me?"

I laughed. "No phone sex, you need sleep. I'll see you in the morning. Love you."

"Love you too. Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love."

I hung up, set my alarm and closed my eyes. Alone in my bed, I was aware of the slight snickering in the corner, but I kept my eyes shut and imagined Jasper next to me, watching over me, and soon the sounds faded and I fell into a light sleep.

"I can't do it, I'm too nervous," I sighed. He shook his head and cupped my cheek.

"Why, baby? They're going to love you."

"Says you," I groaned. "What if I get up there and they laugh at me? What if I can't get up the ramp or I run into some wires or something? What if the microphone is too high?"

Kneeling in front of me, he looked up at me. "Babe, none of that is going to happen. You're going to go up there, wow them with your speech, and they will cheer you like they should."

Hanging my head, I felt his hand move from my cheek through my hair until it rested on the back of my neck. "You can do this. I know you can."

"I want to walk up there, Jasper. Not wheel."

He shrugged. "Then do it. Walk."

"Yeah, right," I scoffed. "You been sniffing glue or something?"

He smiled. "Babe, all I know is you can do whatever you set your mind to. You believe you can do it, you will."

We were next to Jasper's truck in the parking lot outside the school right before we had to be with the rest of our graduating class for our march. Well, everyone else was going to march, I was going to push, down the hill and onto the field.

"Come on, we're going to be late," Jasper said, standing. I pushed, admiring his long strides as he walked next to me. At the top of the hill, we had to split up to go alphabetically. With a side wink and a 'you can do it' mouthed before 'I love you', he turned and went to the back of the line while I took my spot with the rest of the 'C' kids. Pomp and Circumstance began to play and we headed to our seats. Jasper's hand brushed mine as he turned the corner to walk down the center aisle toward the back. My heart skipped at the light touch, the spark we shared ignited and my faith in him, in his beliefs, grew.

When I was called to the stage, I looked behind me at Jasper. He was sitting at the end of the last row on the opposite side. Grinning, he gave me the thumbs up. Suddenly there was no one between us and I could feel him right behind me, his hands on my shoulder as he whispered how proud he was in my ear. I turned around and reached down to my feet. Lifting one, I placed it on the ground and then did the same with the other. Taking a deep breath, I braced my hands and pushed myself up until I was standing, amazed when I didn't fall. Encouraged, I took a small step forward on shaky legs. Then another and another. There was no mistaking the cheering from the back row. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw tears on his cheeks as he beamed with pride. Looking at my parents, I saw a similar expression. I slowly made my way to the stage, the stairs not the ramp, and joined Mr. Bradshaw at the microphone. Stunned, he shook my hand and stepped aside as I faced my classmates and parents.

Standing.

"Congratulations, fellow graduates. Together we have faced and preserved through four years of high school. These years have taught us so much more than what you can learn in a classroom, they have armed us for our future. There will be places and people you remember all your life, some will change, some remain the same. All these places had their moments, but in your life, there will be one you will love more. For me, that person has stood by me in the face of tragedy. I honestly don't know if I would be here without…." my eyes fell on Jasper as he stood and started walking down the aisle, "him."

Everyone turned and watched Jasper as he broke into a sprint. The long maroon gown flowed around his feet as he ran toward me, taking the steps in two leaps before reaching me, sweeping me up into his arms and spinning me in a circle. Pulling back, he looked at me, the tears still fresh on his cheeks.

"You did it, babe."

"No. We did it," I corrected him and then, in front of everyone, I kissed Jasper. There might have been shocked gasps or whispered 'I told you so's but it didn't matter. All that mattered was he was in my arms and I was standing in his.

The boy that had saved my life.

"**~~**"

"So how are things?" Emmett asked as he set his bag down next to the bench.

"Okay," I said, pushing my chair under the weights. Emmett adjusted them, watching as I began to do a set of shoulder presses.

"I saw the new chair out there. Pretty fly," he smiled."How do you like it?"

"I haven't had a practice in it yet, but I used it yesterday in the driveway and it seemed really nice. Much lighter."

"I bet." Confident I was okay on my own, Emmett crossed the room and put his music on. "I notice you haven't changed the CD yet."

"It's growing on me," I huffed as I lifted the bar.

"Told ya." He kneeled in front of his bag and took a few things out before joining me again. I switched to a different exercise, one he had showed me the week before. "I saw Jasper at the hospital yesterday. He hit me up for a donation to a race he's running."

"Yeah. He is running a half marathon to try to raise money for my parents to help pay for the chair and stuff."

"Thirteen miles? No thanks," he laughed. "He asked for some ideas on gaining some leg muscle. I'll show you some things today and you can pass them on to him."

"Sure."

We continued through the workout, doing a few sets of the shoulder, chest, and arm exercises I had, and then he showed me some squats, lunges, and two strange exercises involving a stool, actually doing them so I could tell Jasper exactly what to do.

"Any questions?"

"Nope, I think I got it."

He had me transfer to the bench and lay on my back. Emmett stood at the end and picked up my right leg. Pushing it toward me, he automatically moved through the motions.

"What are the parallel bars for?"

Emmett glanced at them over his shoulder before answering. "Therapy. People use them for balance when they have braces or straps on."

Turning my head, I stared at the two bars in the corner. "Can I do them?"

"Yeah, but not yet. It's too soon."

"Is it? I mean, why not do it before I lose too much muscle."

His jaw flinched as he considered what I said. "I'll bring some braces next week. We'll try it on Monday, okay?"

Grinning, I nodded. I wanted to call Jasper right away and tell him but I decided to wait until after it happened. Emmett changed the subject, bringing it back to basketball. He teased me about going one on one again. Once he was finished with my right leg, he set it down and moved to my left.

Then it happened.

As soon as he lifted my leg holding my foot in his palms as he bent it and pushed the knee toward my chest, I cried out as a sharp pain radiated through my thigh. Instinctively, my hands went to my leg, gripping my thigh.

"It hurts," I screamed in both pain and shock.

Immediately he straightened my leg, placing it on the bench. Gritting my teeth, I lifted my head and watched his hands massage my thigh, his brows knitted in concentration as he slipped from joking Emmett into nurse mode. The pain ceased, but it left my gasping for breath.

"What the fuck was that?" I sighed, laying my head back down, taking in gulps of air to calm my heart.

"A muscle spasm," he answered. I couldn't feel his hands on me, but I knew he was still massaging the muscles. "It's not uncommon for paraplegics to have them."

"But I felt it," I lifted my head and looked at him. "I felt it, Emmett."

He nodded. "Do you feel anything now?"

Looking down at my leg, I willed the pain to return, but I there was nothing. Then under his hands, my entire leg started twitching, jerking off the bench.

"Damn it," he mumbled. He held my leg tight enough to keep it on the bench but not stop it from moving. Amazed, I watched with wide eyes.

My leg was moving.

On its own. It was moving.

I wanted to call Jasper and tell him. "Oh my God," I murmured.

Emmett glanced up at me. "Edward…" he started but then stopped, focusing on my leg instead.

"I felt it. It hurt like fucking hell, but I felt it," I was almost smiling. Then as quickly as it had started, it stopped. My leg was completely still, lifeless like before. "What's happening? Where did it go?"

Emmett kept massaging, but began to explain. "These spasms are common, Edward. They don't mean anything."

"What? How come?"

He thought before answering. "It's technical, but I'll try to explain. After a SCI the nerves below the injury were disconnected from the brain, right?" I nodded. "Scar tissue forms around the damaged area and blocks messages from below the injury from reaching the brain. These spasms, called spasticity, don't usually happen right after the SCI because your spinal cord goes into shock. Are you with me so far?"

"Yeah," I sighed. It didn't sound promising.

"Once the shock starts to wear off, these spasms can happen anytime the body is stimulated below the injury, usually stretching or some kind of pain. Because these muscles can't send the signal to the brain anymore, they trigger a reflex, causing it to contract or spasm, though they don't usually hurt. I'm not surprised you haven't had any until now."

"Why not?" He finally stopped massaging my leg, but kept his eyes on it.

"Because one way to prevent them is daily PT. Basically moving around and you do that. Even when I don't come, you work out."

"But I don't always work my legs."

"No, but we do it three times a week and you move from chair to bed to toilet to shower. I know that doesn't seem like exercise for your legs, but it is."

"So this doesn't mean anything?" I looked up at him, forcing to keep the emotions that threatened me away. I refused to let him know just how excited it had gotten.

"I means your body is doing and responding exactly like it should. Which is good. But," he finally brought his eyes to mine, "it doesn't mean anything more."

"Fuck," I let my head fall back on the bench. "It was nice for a few seconds. Even if it did hurt."

"Sorry, Edward."

"It's okay."

But it wasn't okay. I wanted to feel the pain again, I wanted to watch my legs move even if I wasn't controlling them.

"Ready to continue?"

Looking to the side, I nodded. Emmett picked up my leg and began again. Only that time, I didn't pay attention. I didn't talk or watch him. I stared at the corner, waiting until I heard the distinct snickering before I closed my eyes.

After we were done in the dining room, Emmett wanted to do a full body massage, especially after the spasm. I got onto my bed and took off my clothes before I called him. He immediately went to work, rubbing his large, oiled hands over me. I avoided looking at the corner, instead, I tried to concentrate on holding a conversation with Emmett. He returned to his joking self, debating with me on the best basketball play of all time. When he was done, he went to wash his hands and I put on some shorts and waited for him to return. He packed his bag and looked over my leg one last time.

"If it happens again, try moving it to a different position. If that doesn't work, then massage it like this," he told me, using his hands to knead the muscles. "If it doesn't hurt, you can let it continue, but if it does, this will stop it, or at least slow it down. When is your next check up?"

"Week after next, I think."

"Make sure you mention it to your doctor. There are meds you can take for it, but I don't think he will do anything if it only happens a few times, but he will want to keep an eye on it."

"Okay. Do I need to tell my dad?"

"Yes, he should know." He stood up. "We meet again on Wednesday-"

"I can't," I interrupted. "Jasper has a track meet after school and I promised him I'd be there."

"Track meet, huh? Does that kid ever stop running?"

"No. Before his dad got a new truck for work, Jasper used to run everywhere."

"What events does he run?"

"The eight hundred and the sixteen hundred. He used to do a four hundred and high jump, but he doesn't anymore. He focuses on the distance races now."

"I never did track. Football and baseball were my things. Football was better, I got to hit people and not get in trouble for it," he grinned. "Have fun at the meet, tell Jasper I said good luck."

"I will."

"Okay, I got to go, you all set?"

"Yeah, thanks, Emmett."

He held his fist out for me to bump. "Anytime, Cullen. See ya Friday."

After he left, I clenched my eyes shut. I didn't want to see the darkness as it neared me. Hearing it approach was frightening enough. My phone rang and I reached for it, sighing in relief when I saw his name. He didn't even wait for me to say hello.

"So I've been thinking about my reward."

I smiled. "Yeah?" Holding the phone to my ear, I rolled onto my back. "What about it?"

"Can it involve you being sweaty?"

"Sweaty, huh?"

"And naked. Naked is always good."

I couldn't help laughing. "Love?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"Your perfect timing."

"I do what I can," he chuckled. "But I tell ya, this superhero cape is damn uncomfortable."

"Dork."

"Your dork."

"How was practice?" I glanced over my shoulder to find the corner empty. Jasper truly was my superhero.

"Same ole, same ole," he yawned. "How was PT?" I didn't answer right away and instantly he knew something was wrong. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Everything okay?"

Again, I paused. Yes, everything was fine and no, nothing was okay. Nothing but him.

I heard movement before he spoke again. "I'm coming over."

"No!" I snapped. "Don't. Everything's fine, love. I'm fine."

"Tell me," he coaxed. I knew him, I knew he was getting me to talk while he got his keys and headed for his truck.

"First, you go back to your room."

"Fuck," he muttered. "How the hell did you know?" I almost smiled when I heard his keys being dropped on his table.

"Because I know you. Now if you sit down, I'll tell you."

"I'm sitting."

"Jasper," I scolded him.

"Fine. Now I'm sitting. Tell me what happened? Did Emmett say something?"

"No, nothing like that. We went through the weightlifting part and then he showed me some things for you."

"Oh cool. Thanks."

"Then I moved to the bench so he could do PT on my legs like we always do. He did the right first and it was fine but then he did the left, and…"

"And what?"

I didn't want to tell Jasper because I didn't want his hopes to be raised like mine had only to be crushed with reality. Jasper was optimistic enough, if I let him know what happened, he'd have me walking in a week. But he'd made me promise him to tell him everything, the good and the bad. Although, I hadn't decided which one this was.

"I had a muscle spasm," I whispered.

"What? Where? In your leg?"

"Yeah. When Emmett pushed it toward my chest, it cramped up and it hurt like hell. Really sharp pain went all around my thigh."

"Edward, that's amazing."

"No, it's not. Apparently it's normal and doesn't mean anything. Emmett explained what was happening and why, then he massaged my leg until it went away."

"Did you feel anything?" he asked softly, hopefully.

"Only the pain for a few second when it happened. I didn't feel him massaging it. Except for that one spot."

"Oh, baby," he sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Then I just watched as my leg twitched like mad, just bouncing up and down and I couldn't control it." I swiped at the stupid fucking tears rolling down my cheeks. "Ya know, Jas, for a few seconds, I got so fucking excited. I thought…" I took a deep breath. "I thought maybe, just maybe, I might walk again."

"Maybe you still will," he murmured.

"Come on, you know I won't. You've done the research. Hell, you probably already knew about these spasms before I did." His silence confirmed I was right.

"Do you want me to come over? I can be there in ten minutes," he offered. Taking shallow breaths, I stopped crying and dried my tears with the palm of my hand.

"No, stay there and get your work done. Get some sleep. I'll be okay."

"I don't like you going through this alone, babe."

"I'm going to have to sometimes. You can't always be with me."

"Wanna bet? Are you alone now? I mean, is the…"

"I'm alone."

Relieved, he sighed. "I want to come over."

"I know you do, but then you won't get your reward tomorrow."

"Naked and sweaty?"

"How about I promise one of two?"

"Mmm," he moaned. "Sounds good. Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you get the answer to number four on the physics homework?" he asked innocently, but it was anything but innocent. Just because I had told him to stay home apparently didn't mean he couldn't talk to me all night. Before I could call him out on it, he spoke up. "You said I had to stay here, you didn't say I couldn't call."

He was right.

"So, number four?"

"Hold on, let me get some shorts on," I said.

"Whoa, what? Wait, are you naked?" He suddenly sounded a little breathless.

"Emmett just left, I've had the chance to dress yet," I explained.

"Ya know, babe, another boyfriend might worry at that comment," he laughed. "You're lucky I'm so understanding."

"I'm definitely lucky, but not only because you're understanding. Now hold on a minute." I put the phone down and grabbed my shorts. Rolling onto my back, I worked them up my legs and over my ass. Feeling a bit more covered, I picked the phone back up. "There?"

"Yeah," he sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"I liked it better when you were naked."

"Jas, you didn't know I was naked. Besides, we're doing physics and we know what physics does to you."

"Exactly why you should be naked," he chuckled.

"Yeah, well, my mom and sister might not understand. Number four, right?" I reached for my physics notebook and dragged it over. For the next two hours, we went over homework, pausing only when he interrupted to offer suggestions for his reward for 'being a good boy'. By the time we hung up, my mother was home and dinner was done. He'd made me promise that I would call him as soon as I was done eating. After I took a shower, I got into bed and called him back. He answered right away and caught me up to date on the past hour of his life. Only Jasper could make cooking grilled cheese sound interesting. It got late, my eyes started to close, but I could still hear him chattering in my ear.

"Love?"

"Yeah, babe?" his voice was so quiet, even dreamlike. I almost wondered if I wasn't imagining the entire conversation.

"Sing to me," I whispered.

"There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy

There's nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need"

He made it all the way through before he yawned again, but before I could tell him to stop, he continued onto our song, singing reverently to me through the phone. My eyes drifted closed and I fell asleep to the sweetest voice ever, my heart full of everything that he was.

"**~~**"

I stuffed my bag on the floor and slid across the seat, waiting for Jasper to secure my chair in the back of the truck. He climbed in a few minutes later, kissing my cheek before buckling up. Once my hand was on his thigh, he started the truck and backed out. With my head on his shoulder, he headed out of town toward the highway and Port Angeles. Even though he had stayed home the night before, fulfilling his promise to me, I had fallen asleep while he was singing to me. I had actually woken up that morning to find the call still connected.

Jasper had never hung up.

Even in his sleep in his bed across town, he watched over me.

When he had arrived to pick me up for school, I told him it was a damn good thing he had unlimited minutes. "I didn't want you to be alone," he confessed with a shrug.

The drive to practice was quick, Jasper talked the entire way, never shutting up about useless stuff, all to keep my mind occupied on listening to him and not on the traffic around us.

"You doing okay?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "Just nervous about practice."

"Nervous? The Great Cullen doesn't get nervous," he laughed. "How come?"

"Because I've got the chair I can do the scrimmage. What if I'm not any good? They are expecting this whiz, but what if I'm not?"

"You will be exactly what they expect. You're not going to be perfect, babe, that will take time, but you will still wow them."

"Sometimes I can see your cape hiding under your clothes," I said, kissing his arm.

"Damn. And here I thought my secret identity was…well, a secret."

"Nope. You don't have secrets with me."

It was barely noticeable, and had my head not been on his shoulder, I wouldn't have felt it, but his body tensed right then. Slightly and quickly, but it did. I brushed it aside, telling myself he was tired, his body was stiff from running, that it was nothing more than that.

"So what's my reward?" he smirked.

"You'll see after practice," I answered, glancing down at my bag. I wasn't sure he'd be okay with what I had planned. I was going to do an intimate thing in a very public place. It'd been months since I had fingered him, since I'd seen that look on his face that only happened when I hit that sweet spot deep inside him. Nothing was more beautiful then Jasper on the edge of coming while my fingers were inside him.

"You're a fucking tease," he sighed. "How about a hint?"

"Umm, it involves you and me."

"Naked and sweaty?" he asked, eagerly.

"You're not getting any more from me."

"Ugh," he groaned.

"And you say I ask too many questions."

When we arrived at practice, Jasper helped me into the chair and I wheeled it across the parking lot, noticing how much easier just getting up the long ramp was in the lighter chair. "I'm counting the minutes until this is over," Jasper winked at me before heading to the bleachers.

Smiling, I rolled over the group, high fiving Brady and Collin when they saw the new chair. Sam was thrilled I would be able to do the entire practice because he announced we had our first game coming up that weekend.

"It will be Saturday at noon here against the Seattle Junior Sonics. If anyone can't make it, let me know so I can adjust the team accordingly. I'll have the starting five at Thursday's practice. Let's warm up with some layups and then a three man weave."

Still a bit nervous, I got in line and began the warm up. Leah passed me the ball and I bounced it beside me and dribbled to the basket. I still felt awkward as hell, but I didn't lose it and was able to reach up and shoot a halfway decent layup. We continued through a few drills, then went over the offense plays Sam had showed us the week before. Once we had a good grasp on them, Sam called us to the middle.

"With Edward, we've got enough for a four on four scrimmage. I left the pennies in my van so let's do shirts versus skins. Riley, Edward, Jared and Quil, you guys are skins. Brady, Collin, Leah, and Paul are shirts."

Looking to the bleachers, I saw Jasper leaning forward, his homework spread open on the bleacher in front of him. His eyes were not on the books but rather on me as I reached for the hem of my tank top and dragged it up my torso and over my head. I tossed it to the sidelines with the rest of the shirts. Jasper swallowed. Really fucking hard.

Everyone else was in shorts, but even though the atrophy hadn't set in yet, I was still too self-conscious to show my legs, so I had sweatpants on. From across the gym, I felt Jasper's eyes on me, devouring every inch of my chest, arms, and shoulders. I swear I felt his tongue licking along the curves of my new muscles.

"Ready, Cullen?" Riley asked and I nodded, pushing my chair to the outside of the circle where he was tipping off against Brady. Sam tossed the ball up and Riley tapped it to me. I caught it, quickly looking down court to see Jared on his way to the net. Whipping the ball, I timed it so it landed about three feet in front of him. He caught it, did one dribble and made a layup.

"Hell yeah," Riley cheered.

With her long arms, Leah had a few nice blocks, but Riley and I were quick with the passes. If he didn't have a clear shot, he passed it back to me and I took the shot myself or found another open man. As the scrimmage continued, sweat ran down my face and chest, and it felt good. I got out of breath, I pushed myself, concentrating on dribbling and moving the chair in a synchronized motion. Sometimes I did okay, other times I felt like I'd never dribbled a ball before.

"Jared, backdoor," I called out, motioning behind Brady, who caught on and stopped him. But it freed Riley on the other side and I passed him the ball for an easy layup.

Grinning, he wheeled up to me, fist bumping me as I pushed my chair backwards to get back on defense. Paul ran the other team's offense from the top of the arc. He called out to Leah but his eyes went to Collin. Like I had with Riley, I concentrated on Paul's hands, watching them to show me which way he was going. When his left hand slid back, I knew he was cutting right and pushed into him, jarring his chair. He got the pass off but missed Collin's hands. Jared grabbed it and passed it back to me as he started down the court again. Riley and Quil were already half way down there.

"Quil, run Texas," I yelled. He went around his player and I threw the ball to him. Catching it, he lined up his shot but it was too hard and bounced off the backboard, but Riley rebounded it.

"Cullen," he called out, trying to avoid Brady, who was guarding him. Reaching around, Riley bounced passed it to me. I had barely caught it before I shot, swishing it through the net. Satisfied, Riley high fived me and we moved back on defense. "Nice move."

While I waited for the other team to set up, I glanced over at Jasper. He hadn't moved from his position, his elbows on his knees as he intently stared at me. It was like there wasn't a basketball game going on for him at all. Smiling at him, I turned back to the game. Sam finally called practice when my team was up by ten. Riley pulled up next to me as we headed for the sidelines.

"How do you like the chair?" he asked with what had become his trademark head toss to get the damp hair out of his brilliant eyes. There was no tank top to hide his upper body and now that practice was over, I let my eyes appreciate it with a lingering glance. There was a thin film of sweat covering his sculpted shoulders and upper chest, which bulged with his tired muscles. His skin was evenly tanned and completely smooth. The guy could have been a swimsuit model if he wasn't in a wheelchair.

"It's great. So much faster."

"Told ya." A wide smile exposed perfect teeth as he tilted his head at me, his hair falling strategically back over his eyes. "Are you excited for our first game?"

"More like nervous."

"You'll be fine. If you want to go over anything, let me know. I'm less than an hour from you, I can drive down Forks. Got any courts in town?"

"Yeah, a few. That'd be great, thanks."

It was a good suggestion. I wouldn't mind going over things one on one, asking any questions I had on plays. Plus he could fill me in on past games and other teams. I used to watch other team's game film before games so I knew what to expect.

"Tomorrow good?" he asked as he reached down for his tee shirt. Instead of putting it on, he swiped his chest with it and then laid it on his lap. I glanced over at Jasper who was already packed and waiting excitedly by the door.

"No, I've got plans afterschool, but I can do Friday," I suggested and he nodded. I picked up my duffel and shirt, setting them on my lap.

"That works for me. What time?"

"I get home about two-thirty."

"Three work?"

"Sure. Thanks, I appreciate it." I upped his trademark hair flip with my own trademarked crooked smiles.

Sam gathered us in a circle, made a few comments on the practice then sent us on our way. After saying goodnight to Sam, Riley and I headed across the gym. Jasper was practically bouncing up and down, his eyes filled with nothing but lust, and it had nothing to do with the cute boy next to me.

"Hey, Jasper," Riley smiled at him. "How are you?"

"Hey. Pretty good, you?" Jasper returned in a slight drawl, telling me he was already pretty fucking turned on. The boy used his accent to his advantage, usually when he had to convince someone to do something for him. I called it his 'aw shucks' voice, but sometimes he just slipped into it, usually when he was really turned on. He might have been talking to Riley, but Jasper's eyes never strayed from me, they continued to roam over me until I was almost trembling in anticipation.

"Not bad, thanks. Good practice, Cullen," Riley said as he moved past Jasper, "See ya Thursday. Bye, Jasper."

"Bye," Jasper replied absently.

"Ready to go?" I swear he would have sprinted to the truck if he could have.

By the time we reached the truck, I was already shivering from the cold drizzle that was falling from the night sky. He was barely in the cab before he was turning on the heat and undoing his jeans, sighing in relief as his erection bounced free. When he moved to straddle me, I put a hand on his chest.

"Take them all the way off," I told him before reaching for my bag on the floor and pulling out the lube I had put in there earlier. "C'mere."

Jasper put his knees on either side of me, sitting on my lap. He ran his hands over me, sending shudders through me, as I did the same to him. "You're shaking. Are you warm enough?"

I was plenty warm enough. With Jasper's perfect body sitting on me, I was bordering on hot.

"Yeah, I'm not cold," I told him. Then we kissed, our tongues quickly meeting again and again as he began to writhe on my lap. It was only seconds later that I yanked his sweatshirt off. Jasper might like my more muscular body, but there was nothing like his lean, runner's body and the tight muscles that roped around his chest and abs. They held a strength that was deceptive. Jasper didn't look nearly as strong as he was, nor as fast, but I knew otherwise. I took the time to openly adnure at him, the way his body responded to just my eyes was amazing, but it was his cock that drew my attention again and again.

He begged for my touch, and unable to resist anything Jasper wanted, I gave it to him. Slowly, teasingly, lazily. We kissed again, our mouths smashing together urgently, my stroking never ceasing as I grabbed the lube and popped it open. The second my slick finger ran along the velvet skin behind his balls, he was shoving his hips forward, wanting more. I licked and kissed along his shoulders while he worked his body over my finger until he was trembling as much as I was. As if I didn't know, I asked him what he wanted, needing to hear him say it.

"You, I want you."

"You want my finger in your ass?"

"Yes," he gasped. "Fucking yes."

"Tell me, love, have you done this to yourself lately?"

"No, not since the last time with you."

I remembered the time well. We were in the back of my Volvo, having just gotten out of the movies. It was too late for the meadow, but we were both horny as hell so we drove to the trail and parked on the side of the path. We couldn't crawl into the back fast enough. Stripping out of our clothes, we lay naked next to each other, both of us stroking ourselves, our eyes on each other's cocks. I asked him to finger himself. It was something we hadn't done often, but both of us loved to watch. He bit his lip but nodded. After wetting his finger in my mouth, he slipped it inside himself and I watched in awe as his back arched and he cried out, my name falling from his lips repeatedly. He kept telling me how he imagined it was my cock in him, which made me impossibly harder. He came a few minutes later, his chest was still heaving when I climbed on top of him, straddling him as I continued to stroke myself and shot my seed on his beautiful face.

That had been only a few days before the accident. We would have made love that night if we had known that we never would have the chance again. But we didn't. Now putting my fingers up his ass was about as close as we were going to get.

"My Jasper," I breathed as I slowly slid my finger into him, pausing and waiting for him to adjust. Gradually, his knees fell apart and he began to push down, inserting my finger past the tight ring of muscle. Once he had a rhythm going, I began stroking him again. His blue eyes, filled with lust and greed and love, held mine as he continued to move. A second finger joined the first, and I wiggled them to stretch his entrance. "That's it, fuck my fingers."

Naked and unashamedly, he thrust on me, fucking himself with my fingers, pleading for a third and grunting when I gave it to him. Sinking them in deeper, I brushed his gland with the tip of my middle finger and his entire body jerked, followed by a strong shudder. His ass clenched around me and I knew he was coming.

"You're gonna make me come," he moaned the five fucking hottest words every said to anyone. There was nothing more powerful than making someone come, giving them that natural high, a euphoria they couldn't reach themselves. It was addictive. Just as our lips met in a bruising kiss, his orgasm hurled through him, leaving his body shaken and convulsing on my lap and in my arms.

"That's it, love, give me your load," I groaned as his cock pulsed and exploded. With each wave that hit him, his ass clenched around my fingers and I kept stroking him and milking his cock. "This," I murmured, wiggling his fingers inside him, "was your reward for being a good boy yesterday."

Leaving wet kisses along his shoulder, I nibbled my way up his neck, occasionally sucking and teasing with my teeth. He knew what I wanted, what I yearned to do to him as he had so often done to me. Jasper was mine and I wanted the world to know it. Even if they didn't know who had claimed him, who his body belonged to, who pleasured him wildly, they would know he belonged to someone.

He was mine.

"Do it," he begged with a throaty murmur. "Please."

He wanted it as much as I did. I had always scolded him for doing it to me, it was hard to hide it, especially from those at work or school. I didn't often do it to him, and when I did it was where no one would see him. Needing no more encouragement, I took the skin between my lips and sucked hard, tasting his sweat and skin as I drew his blood to the surface. He moaned, fisting my hair and tilting his head, giving me all the room I needed to feast on his delicious skin. Knowing the mark would last for days, I lapped it with my tongue, soothing the teeth marks left behind before lifting my head and eyeing the spot proudly.

It was higher than I had thought. There was no way he was going to be able to hid it, and fuck, that turned me on. "No tee shirt is going to cover it."

"I don't care. I want people to see it." He always knew what to say.

"You'll have questions to answer," I reminded him, all too familiar with the questions myself.

"Bug bite," he smiled, repeating the excuse I always used when I was asked about hickeys he left on me. Releasing his cock, I gently slipped my fingers from him and pulled him to me for a kiss. It was languid and erotic. His nose nuzzled along my jaw, his mouth found mine over and over while my hands traveled up and down his able spine. When he offered to return the favor, to touch me, I stiffened.

"It's too late," I sighed. "Besides, I'm probably not hard."

"If you're not, I could get you that way. I'm sitting naked on your lap," he promised, as if that was all it would ever take. How I wished that to be true.

"Maybe this weekend," I suggested. Instantly he sat back, gazing at me as he ran his fingers down my cheek.

"You're okay with me touching you, right?"

Yes.

No.

Maybe.

Before the accident, we couldn't keep our hands off each other's cocks. Each time we were together, we discovered something new about the other, and after almost two years, we knew each other's bodies as well as our own.

Except now.

I didn't know my body anymore.

Desperately I wanted him to touch me, explore my body with his mouth and hands. Desperately, I wanted him to never touch me again. I didn't want to disappoint him when I wasn't hard or when my body didn't react to his the same way he was used to. How could someone have a boy like Jasper naked on their lap and not be hard? What kind of blow would it be to his ego to rub his bare ass over my cock only to have it not be interested? I couldn't do that to him. I didn't want Jasper to feel obligated to touch me, to try to please me when I didn't feel anything he did.

"Sometimes," I answered, meeting some place in the middle of yes and no.

Running his fingers through my hair, he fisted it and forced my eyes to his. "I want to touch you, Edward. It doesn't have to be now, but I still want to touch you. I know you can't feel it, but I like it, it's just as hot as ever, and I want to do it as much as ever did."

My perfect, beautiful boy.

"Which was pretty much all the time," I smiled.

"Exactly. I'm just saying…it's not something I feel I should do, I want to. Desperately. A lot. I want to feel your skin, I want to see it, taste it, and smell it."

All the right things fell effortlessly and honestly from his soft lips. How could one person understand another so well, so intuitively, that it was frightening? His words sent a tremor down my stunted spine and a weak warmth spread down my arms.

"Jesus, love, I want to fucking kiss you all night, I want to make you come again and again, and I want to let you touch me, but we've gotta go. They're going to worry."

Regretfully, he sighed and cleaned us off. I laughed watching him dress in the small space, rubbing his head after he banged it on the roof. He pouted when I reached for my tee shirt, but I put it on anyway. Once we were dressed, I scooted across the seat until I was pressed to his side. I did up my seatbelt and gripped his thigh as he backed out of the space. Keeping my head on his shoulder, I stared at his profile, smiling possessively at the red mark on his neck.

"**~~**"

"Edward," Mr. Richards my music appreciation teacher began, "Mr. Harter wants to see you after school today, can you stop by his office?"

"What about?" I asked, looking up from my desk.

"I don't know."

"Um, okay, sure," I answered. For the rest of the day, I was curious what Mr. Harter, the head of the music department, would want with me. He had been my piano teacher from my first lesson at six until I was fourteen. In high school I'd had him as a teacher for two classes my freshman and sophomore years, but hadn't had him since.

Jasper met me after class and we headed to lunch. Figuring I'd wait until I knew more, I didn't tell him about my meeting with Mr. Harter. I followed Jasper through the line, shaking my head when he bitched to the food service ladies about the accommodations. Some day one of them was going to reach over the counter and slap him.

"You know you're just pissing them off, they probably spit in your food," I told him as we went to the table. He glanced down at his sandwich on the tray, relived when he saw it was wrapped.

He sat down and handed me my food. Bella was next to join us, then Eric and Angela and Mike. I was laughing at something Eric said when I heard Jasper mumbled "Oh, shit," under his breath. Following his gaze, I glanced behind me and saw Jessica approaching. She stopped behind Jasper and put her hands on his shoulders, her long red nails rested on his sweatshirt. Bending over, she put her glossy lips at his ear. I fisted my hand so I wouldn't reach and smack her across the head. Biting my lip was the only way to keep me from telling her to get her hands off my boy.

"I hear you're running a race," she murmured. "That's so cool. You must have really strong legs."Jasper's eyes went to the table and he shrugged. "Imagine what you can do with those legs. I bet you'd be able to hold me up."

Jasper had had enough and he shrugged out of her hold. "Are you here to donate to it?"

"Maybe," she purred. "I'm coming to your meet today to cheer you on."

Encouraged by his silence, she sat down next him. For the next ten minutes, she smiled and flirted and flipped her hair. Jasper was polite enough, answering her questions, but he never responded to anything else. I smiled when he shrunk away from her advances. The bell couldn't ring soon enough.

In gym we played tennis. Jasper and I played doubles and lost because he was saving his energy for the track meet. As soon gym was over, Jasper changed into his track uniform in the locker room. I might have glanced at him a few times while he changed, sighing when he pulled his silky shorts up over his fine ass. When he was done, he barely had to time to give me a smile before he was jogging down the hill to the track to start warming up. Watching him leave, my heart sank a little and I thought I heard the darkness. Spinning my chair around, I headed for Mr. Harter's office in the music department.

"Come in," he called when I knocked on his door. Pushing the door open, I hoped I would fit into his office. "Edward, good to see you."

"Hi, Mr. Harter. Mr. Richards said you wanted to see me?"

"I do." Standing he pulled one of the chairs in front of his desk away so that I could move my chair in its place. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay."

"Adjusting back to school all right?"

"Yes."

"Good, good. Are you still playing?"

"Basketball?"

He smiled and shook his head. "No, sorry. The piano, do you still play?"

"Not as much as I used to, but yeah, I play a few times a week." It was a slight exaggeration but I felt guilty when he asked.

His smile widened. "That's very good news. Care to show me?"

"Excuse me?"

"Will you go down to the music room with me and play a piece for me? I miss hearing your talent."

"Um, sure, I guess," I shrugged. Still smiling, he stood and walked out of his room and I followed him down the hall, hoping I wasn't going to be late for Jasper's meet. We went a few doors down and Mr. Harter held the door while I pushed inside. He walked by me and moved the bench out of the way so I could pull my chair up the piano. It'd been over a year since I had played the piano at school, but as soon as my fingers touched the keys, I remembered it clearly.

"I can't do the pedals," I said.

"No problem."

"Anything particular you want to hear?"

"Whatever you feel like playing," he answered. Biting my lip, I debated on what to play. There was some sheet music sitting in front of me but it wasn't anything I liked so I glanced around the room. There were instruments, posters of Mozart and Beethoven, a few desks and a lot of chairs and yet all I could think of was…Jasper.

Before I even knew I was playing, my fingers were moving over the keys. It was a song I knew well, a song I had played and heard and sung more than any other.

A song that meant everything to a very special boy.

Mr. Harter stood next to me, smiling when he recognized the song. My body moved with the notes, swaying a little back and forth as my fingers stretched and reached over the keys. Closing my eyes, I could feel Jasper next to me, singing the words that were only in my head.

Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Love Me All The Time
Maybe I'm Afraid Of The Way I Love You
Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Pulled Me Out Of Time
And Hung Me On A Line
Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way I Really Need You

When I hit the last note, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. Mr. Harter was still smiling.

"Still a Beatles fan, I see?"

I nodded. "Always."

"How's your classical? Rusty at all?"

Instead of answering, I flawlessly began a Chopin piece I liked. I made it about a third of the way through before he stopped me.

"Okay, okay, you proved your point. And without sheet music, I'm impressed," he shook his head almost disbelievingly. "Are you still majoring in music at UW?"

"Yes. I was thinking about maybe being a music teacher," I blushed.

"Funny you should say that because that is what I wanted to talk to you about," he said. Turning, he grabbed a chair and pulled it up to me before straddling it and sitting down.

"College?"

"Teaching." He paused, as if trying to decide what to say. "My wife is taking a sabbatical next semester and she wants to do some traveling to Europe to visit family this summer. However, she didn't tell me this until I had already made arrangements to teach this summer. I've got over twenty students lined up for piano lessons and no one to teach them. So I was wondering if you would be willing to help me out and take my students off my hands for the summer."

"You want me to teach the piano?"

"I do. Some are beginners, have never touched a piano before, a few are intermediate, but no one is at your level. Not even close. You would get the pay of course. It would really help me out. I trust you, I know your skill, and at the end of the summer, we can catch up on where they are and I can take over."

I was shocked, and excited. "Would I do it at my house?"

"Yep. I can pay for a tune up if the piano needs one."

"No, it's fine."

"So what do you think? Are you interested?"

My mom always told me when one door closes, another opens. Sitting there in that room being offered a summer job that would make up for losing the one at the sub shop was proof she might be right.

"It will pay twenty dollars an hour," he offered, as if that would sway me. I imagined the apartment Jasper and I would have in Seattle. That would definitely be enough to make up the other thousand I needed.

"Deal," I said smiling.

"Fantastic! I will get in touch with all the students and let them know. I know some eager to start before summer if that is okay."

"I've got basketball on Tuesday and Thursday and some games on the weekends but other than that, I'm free."

"Sounds good. I will be in touch. My wife will be happy."

I backed up from the piano. "Thanks, Mr. Harter, I really appreciate you thinking of me."

"There's no one more qualified, Edward. You'll do great."

"Thanks," I said, turning my chair to leave.

"Edward, wait." Stopping, I spun the chair around. "You said music teacher, right? Have you applied for the scholarship the music department offers?"

"I don't think so."

"It's not much, I think about four thousand, but it helps a little. You should definitely apply."

"Thanks, I will." With one last smile, I headed out of the room and down the hall. Reaching the doors, I pushed through them and went down the long ramp. I could already hear the cheers from the stands and worried I was late for the meet.

There was a light rain falling as I reached the bottom of the ramp and stopped at the top of the hill looking down over the track. At the far end, I saw Jasper getting ready to run his eight hundred. Pushing forward a little, I saw him move to the inside lane and I sighed. Jasper loved the inside lane, he liked seeing his competition in front of him so he knew exactly how hard he needed to work to catch them. All the way on the outside was the kid from La Push. Jasper looked calm but I knew inside he was nervous, it was the first meet of the year and he was so tired. I saw him looking around for me, and when they finally fell on me, I waved and mouthed 'I love you', though at that distance there was no way he could see it. All our other friends were in the bleachers cheering on the team, but I couldn't even get onto the bleachers.

He bent over, preparing for the starter's gun. It went off and Jasper lunged forward, quickly easing into his pace. I'd seen Jasper run countless times, in meets, jogging with me, in races against me up the trail, and while I had always admired his endurance and stride, I had always done so while being able to match it myself. I had always been able to run next to him, laughing and teasing before he would pull away from me and my sprinter's body.

Before we had always been even, on a level playing field, but not anymore.

As I sat in my prison, watching my boy effortlessly pass his competition, I watched his legs pound the track, his feet hitting it again and again. Never once did his body falter on him. His muscles worked in perfect synchronization as he moved around the track on strong flesh and bone. Jasper would never cease to amaze me, from the beautiful and unique way his mind thought to the unending devotion of his heart, to the way his body just…worked.

It was as simple as that.

As much as I tried to look away, tried to look at anything but his legs, my eyes were dragged back to them every time. It wasn't that I didn't want to watch Jasper run. I loved watching him run, but every step he took was a reminder of something that I no longer could. I would never feel the ache in my legs or feel my feet forcibly hit the pavement. There was a flare of jealousy in me as I witnessed him do something I dreamed about doing every fucking night. There was a flare of grief for something I had once been able to do as easily as he could. There was a flare of anger for having that ability taken away from me. But above them all, more powerful than any of them, was pride.

I was simply proud of my boy and what he could do. How talented and fast and beautiful he was as he ran and passed every racer but one. As he neared the turn by me for the second time, I clapped and whistled as loud as could. The leader was a few strides ahead, and Jasper would have to make his move soon if he was going to have a chance to win.

"You can do it, Jas," I mumbled to him just as he slipped into his finishing kick. In awe, I witnessed his lean body speed up, his long legs reaching out further ahead of him until he had caught the leader. The kid from La Push and Jasper ran side by side, matching each other stride for stride. Even at that distance, I saw the determination in Jasper's face. His exhaustion wasn't an issue when his stubbornness took over. The mist was heavy as they headed down the straight side in front of the bleachers and cheers erupted from the fans at the close race.

Then, as I watched proudly, Jasper surged ahead and crossed the line half a stride before the other runner.

My boy had won.

I had never cheered louder than I did then.

As he cooled down, I moved my chair to the paved path and started heading down the hill to meet him. I reached the gate a few seconds before he did.

"Hey," I greeted. When he looked into my eyes, he saw everything I had gone through and felt on the hill. There was no hiding from him anymore. I was sure he wondered if the darkness was there with us.

Sweat ran down his face and he wiped it with his sweatshirt. "Hey."

"You kicked ass!"

"I won…barely. Hardly an ass kicking," he denied as he pulled on his sweatshirt. He walked past me and I followed him until he stopped away from the crowds. Instantly, he was on his knees with his hands on my lap. "You okay? I understand if you want to leave."

Yes.

No.

"No, I'm fine, really. I'm not going to say it's easy. I sat up there thinking about last year and how I would sit on the bleachers with your mom and watch the races, but it's okay." It was a lie, he knew, but he let me tell it anyway. "Sorry I was late, I was talking with Mr. Harter about something."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'll tell you later. You need to go run another race."

"I've got about twenty minutes before first call. Are you warm enough?" Always so concerned with my wellbeing.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You should see what Bella did." He pointed to the concession stand behind me.

"What?"

"Go see."

Spinning the chair, I pushed toward the concession stand as Bella waved to me from behind the counter. "Edward!" she called out as if I hadn't seen her practically jumping up and down.

"Hi," I said, rolling to a stop. She reached over the counter and fluffed my hair. "What's all this?"

"I baked it for Jasper. Well, for his race. The money we make here today we are donating to the race he's running."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. It's been pretty busy too, I think we'll make a few hundred dollars."

"You baked all this for Jasper?"

"Technically, I baked it for the people to buy…but so I could give the money to Jasper, yeah. I wanted to do something to help, and this seemed like a good thing."

I shook my head. All the times I had thought they disliked each other. All the snide remarks and narrowed glances and yet, here she was supporting his efforts. "This is really great, Bella, thanks."

"I'm going to hold bake sales at lunch too," she beamed. "Want something? Jasper wants one of everything."

"A brownie sounds good." Bella had made me brownies a lot when we dated and they were always moist and thick. "Thanks. I should get back before Jasper's race."

"Tell him I said good luck."

"I will." With the brownies on my lap, I returned to Jasper. By the time I reached him to find his stormy blue eyes looking at me I had forgotten to wish him luck.

"Pretty neat, huh?"

"Yeah, pretty nice of her to think of that."

"She still cares about you, about what happens to you, regardless of who she's dating."

"I know," I sighed. My eyes kept drifting to the other runners, every one there was able to do something I couldn't. I kind of hated them all. Then Jasper was in front of me again, drawing my attention back to him.

"Do you want to come over my house today, babe?"

How did he always fucking know exactly what I needed? Moments alone with him, just him. I didn't care if we were talking or sleeping or just sitting. I just needed to be with him.

"Are your parents home?"

"My dad's on a job in Port Hadlock, so he probably won't be home until around eight. My mom is working three to eleven. Want come over and have some pizza? I was going to order some for dinner, my mom left some money."

I felt like a foolish and needy boyfriend. Looking at my lap, I bit my lip. "Would that be okay? You'd have to drive me home later."

"I'd love to have you over, and I can drive you home."

"You sure?"

"Positive." Before he could say anything else, they announced his race. "I gotta run…literally."

"Kick their ass, love," I whispered, resisting the urge to lean forward and capture his lips with mine.

"I'll try. See you in a few minutes," he said, the stood and winked before jogging across the track.

I sat there and watched him warm up and prepare for his sixteen hundred meter race. I looked away a few times, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths. Internally, I scolded myself for being such a wimp and horrible boyfriend. Jasper sat and watched every one of my practices and I could barely stand to look at him when he ran. It was different though. When he watched me, he could easily trot down the bleachers and join the game, I could never again jog across the track and fall in step with him.

An ache in my chest grew, making the shallow breaths I took sharp and painful. Nothing would ease it, watching him, looking away, it didn't matter. The gun went off and my eyes immediately went to him, and remained on him every step of the way, every stride he pulled further and further ahead. He was simply amazing, and no amount of pain or jealousy was going to stop me from thinking that. By the time he passed by me, I was cheering as loudly as could.

Because regardless of what torture it was to watch, I was fucking proud of every step he took.

Later at his house, I ordered the pizza while he got us some drinks. When he returned, I moved to the couch next to him, grabbing my jeans and lifting my legs onto the table in front of me. Jasper turned on ESPN and sat back, his foot falling to the side to rest against my numb one. He laid his physics book on our laps and we began the homework. We worked as easily together as we ever did, which included debating over the answers. I remembered the first time we had done homework together. He'd only lived in Forks for a week before I was inviting over my house to do homework. I had had no idea what had possessed me to ask him. I was dating Bella and I had never asked her to do homework with me, but there was something about Jasper that made me want to spend more time with him, to get to know him.

"Are you sure this is okay?" he asked nervously as he sat down on the edge of my bed, his leg bouncing up and down as he glanced around my room. I had no idea what the hell he was so anxious about. Trigonometry wasn't that hard.

I flopped into the desk chair and spun it around all in one smooth motion. "Of course. My dad is at work, and my mother won't care."

With his lip tucked between his teeth, he nodded. "Okay."

I swear his hands shook as he opened his backpack and pulled out his books. "Page one-fifty, right?"

"Yep." I mimicked his movements, pulling out my own book and setting in on my bed between us. I should have been reading over the problems, but I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from the way his hair fell over his face. It was the longest hair I'd ever seen on a guy, almost down to his lips. It looked soft, even silky, and I wondered if it felt as good as it looked. Swallowing at that thought, my heart skipped a beat. Why would I notice or even care how his hair looked or felt? My next thought wasn't how awful that was, but rather, what his reaction might be if I reached out and touched it. There were so many shades of blond in it, dark, light, honey, wheat, each one complimenting the other. Then there were the slight curls. I bet when it was wet, it was really curly and I thought about asking him to swim in my pool later that summer so I could find out. At the image of Jasper wet and in my pool, a warmth rushed through me, like after I'd masturbated or come with Bella. Suddenly the room was really fucking hot, stifling, and my body tingled all over.

Jasper in a swimsuit. A wet clinging swimsuit. Bare-chested and dripping with water.

Licking my dry lips, I stared at my very new friend completely clothed in front of me, and imagined him there on my bed…naked.

Fuck.

"You okay?" he asked, bringing me out of my wet dream. "You looked a little red."

"Um, yeah," I nodded, hoping the motion would clear my head. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just hot." His lip curled up a little and instantly, I imagined them on my lips, pressing against them as he pushed me down onto the bed.

"So then what did you get for number five?"

Number five? What the hell was he talking about? I heard him, but all I saw were his lips moving. Lips that looked softer than Bella's, and I bet they tasted better too.

Jesus.

"Edward? Number five?"

My name. Number five.

I wasn't shy. I had friends in school, I was pretty popular and had a girlfriend. What I'd always lacked was a best friend, one that knew all my deepest, darkest secrets.

But what if my strange feelings for my new best friend were my deepest, darkest secrets?

Until Jasper had walked into school I had just never clicked with anyone like that, never had the desire to hang out with anyone that much. These thoughts about him, about any guy, were new. I might have looked at another guy and thought he was nice looking or something, but I'd never looked at any of them and wondered the things I was thinking about Jasper. All I knew was that I didn't wonder those things about Bella.

"Dude, do you need a drink or something?" Jasper asked from my bed.

"No, I'm fine." I got up and went the window and opened it, letting in the cool March air and taking in deep breaths. He eyed me, but never complained as I sat back down, a little clearer headed. "Number five?" I asked, picking up my pencil.

"Yeah, I think it's twenty, what did you get?"

Looking down at the problem, I solved it quickly, agreeing with his answer. Then I glanced back up at him, seeing him shake his head to move his hair out of his eyes. My hand shook with effort as I resisted doing it for him. I didn't know what the fuck was going on, but I knew I wasn't scared. I had never felt anything more right or real before. I knew I had to get to know him better. In every way.

I felt the couch shift as Jasper got up to get the pizza, returning with it and napkins. When the pizza was half gone, I took his hand in mine and held it on his lap. He sighed and dropped his head to my shoulder.

My legs didn't work. I had dreams that terrorized me every night. My life was confined to a chair. But I had a beautiful boy by my side for the rest of my life. One that was going to be with me no matter what. Even if it was only just to hold my hand and put his head on my shoulder.

"Thank you very much, by the way."

"What?"

Reaching up, he pulled down the neck of my tee shirt. "Bella saw it."

"Oh. Hey, you can't complain, you begged me for it. What did she say?"

"I told her it was a bug bite, she thought it was Jessica."

I shuddered. I'd had enough of her hands on him. He saw the jealousy and teased me. When I saw the twinkle in his eyes, the same possessive one I felt, I had an urgent need to have Jasper, have him the way I used to.

Kissing his temple, I asked, "Speaking of bedroom, can we go to yours?"

In seconds, I was swooped up into his arms, my weight resting against his as I kissed his neck while he carried me up the stairs. He sat me on his bed and took off his tee shirt while I moved to lie on my side. When he was next to me, I took off my own shirt and holding his gaze, moved down his body. His hand went to my hair, running fingers through it as he smiled down at me. He expected me to suck him, but I skipped over his bulging erection and moved to his legs. Turning to my side, I pulled off his sock and kissed the top of his foot. My ticklish boy giggled and I smiled.

Not stopping with his foot, I kissed along his shin bone, the light hair caressing my lips as I moved up to his knee, then back down again.

To someone else, what I was doing might have looked strange, but to me, now, it seemed perfectly natural. Just as he did me, I admired everything about Jasper, his mind, heart, and his body. It would never fail to excite me, but it had taken on a new meaning since my accident. Mine no longer worked like his. I felt like…I felt like we shared his now. That his legs had somehow become mine. When he ran, he ran for us, when he carried me, he carried us, when he walked next to me, he walked for us.

His legs, strong enough for us both, needed to be appreciated as much as any other part of him did. Putting a hand under his knee, I bent his leg and kissed along the firm, thick muscles that formed his calf. Using my upper body, I twisted around and started to lavish his knee. It was bumpy and a little rough, but it was perfect. His thigh wasn't massive like a sprinter's, it was full of sinewy muscle that roped and curved along the bone and tendons. Nudging his silky shorts with my nose, I kissed all the way up to his hip, my hands kneading in the wake of my wet kisses. Every inch of flesh was touched by either my lips or my hands, not one soft, smooth piece of skin was missed. While his hands moved through my hair, I worshipped his strength, speed, endurance and sheer ability that his legs possessed.

All those things had worked for him today, allowing him to beat his opponents and win his races. Hard, tight muscle allowed him to do many things.

"They're so strong," I mumbled. "I don't think I ever realized how strong you were. Watching you run today was amazing. You made it look so easy." Lifting my head, I left a hand on him, sliding it up under his loose shorts. "You can do so many things."

"So can you."

"Not like you, not anymore. Promise me something."

"Anything."

I knew he meant it. If I asked for the moon, he would immediately try to figure out how to get it.

What I wanted was much simpler. I wanted him to promise me that not a day would go by that he wouldn't appreciate what he could do. That he could not only run around a track, but that he could jump out of bed in the morning, that he could stroke his own dick and feel it, that he could sway his hips and dance. Every day things that were no longer within my grasp. I needed to know that he would always appreciate that he could do every one of those. But I didn't need to tell him all that, I didn't need to go into great detail about the how and why.

"Don't ever take them for granted."

Running the backs of his fingers down my cheek, he stared at me. I knew he saw it, he always did. My need for him, the pain that I felt every fucking second of every God damned day, but it was because of him that I could face both those things. It was because of him that I not only faced them, but even sometimes smiled and laughed through them.

"I won't. Ever. I promise, baby," he vowed.

My eyes closed at the words, they were all I needed to hear.

When I opened them, he was still watching me and I kissed his leg one last time before pulling myself up to his face. We kissed and our hands began to roam over shoulders and up shorts, breaths drew short, our hearts raced, his cock throbbed. His body writhed next to me, eager for me to touch the one spot I'd been avoiding. In his impatience, he went to roll me onto my back, but I gripped his wrist and stopped him.

I wanted to have him. I wanted to feel him under me, as much as I could anyway. Before the accident, it was usually me on top of him, loving the flat plans of his hard body under me, feeling his back arch up only to be pushed back down by my weight.

"I want to be on top this time," I whispered. A minute later, his shorts and briefs were on the foot of the bed and Jasper lay nude next to me. The urgency suddenly gone, I slowed down and gazed at every perfect inch of him. My hands teased him with light caresses, tracing his abs, dancing through the short blond hair framing his erection, and tweaking his nipples. A steady stream of fluid dripped from the slit in his cock and he moaned and started to thrust up into air, desperate for some kind of touch.

"I don't think anyone will see a hickey down there," he laughed as I sucked on his hipbone.

"I want to mark you everywhere."

And I did.

I wanted everyone to know that he was taken, whether or not they could see it, that boy was mine.

Then I was kissing him again, hard and rough enough to bruise both our lips, but there was a hunger I needed to feed. Bracing one hand next to his shoulder, I used it to pull myself onto him. My legs fell between his parted ones, and they were probably tangled with each other, but right then I didn't care.

His naked body was under me again.

Our chests heaved against each other as he looked at up me with those incredibly clear eyes. I wasn't a light guy, in fact, I weighed more than Jasper did, but before I had been able to use my knees to keep all my weight off him. Now, I was on him completely.

"You okay?" I asked, pushing his hair back. "Am I crushing you?"

"It feels amazing to have you on me again," he murmured and I blushed. "Does it feel okay for you?"

"Yeah," I breathed right before crushing my lips to his. My arms curled under his shoulders and I buried my fingers in his waves, scratching his scalp when I became too eager. Sounds from both us filled the room, reminding me a bit of a porn movie with the grunts and whimpers and whispers for more. Jasper's hands were all over me, my arms, back, hair, digging into flesh. I didn't have to feel to know his hips were moving against mine, but it wasn't until I heard my zipper being lowered that I realized his hands had left my back and were undoing my jeans.

He was trying to take my pants off.

Jasper wanting to touch me and want me…sexually was still something I was getting used to. Every time he wanted to, I was afraid I wouldn't be hard or be able to get hard, and not being able to come. I knew it frustrated him, but it frustrated me to see him touch me and not have an end result of cum coating his hand or flowing down his throat. Lifting my lips from his neck, I looked down at him. He paused his work and tunneled his hand through my hair to soothe me.

"The jeans hurt. I just want to feel you, not them."

Of course they hurt. I hadn't even thought that his cock was rubbing against the dead weight of my hips.

"Please," he begged, lifting his head to kiss my chin, "let me feel you against me, baby. Just you."

My fears released with his soft spoken words. He wanted to feel me, hard or not, he just wanted to feel me. How could I deny someone the need to feel when I couldn't do that very thing? I'd barely nodded and his hands were back on my jeans. Lifting myself for him, I felt nothing as he pulled them down. I wasn't even sure how far down he got them.

"Oh fuck," he moaned suddenly, his body shuddering powerfully. Curious, I looked down his body to where my cock hung.

Limp.

Sighing, I felt his hand on my cheek and I slowly brought my eyes back up to his.

"You're beautiful. So beautiful, baby," he whispered lovingly before pulling my hands out from me. I collapsed onto him and grabbed his wrists, dragging them above his head where I entwined our fingers tightly. His body settled under me, his heart pounded and his breaths were short and excited.

"You like this?"

I knew he did. It was no secret that sometimes he like being overpowered.

"Fuck yeah," he groaned, squirming uselessly under me. With his hands solidly in mine, I kissed his neck, tasting and licking everywhere I could reach. What part of me I could move, I did, rubbing my upper body along his sweaty one, our nipples grazing each other into tight nubs. Dipping my head, I flicked my tongue over one of his hard nipples. His reaction was instant as he arched off the bed the almost through me off balance. Every move of mine was done to keep him on that edge, keep his cock throbbing and his heart racing.

"I love it when you're like this," he murmured as I bit his bottom lip. "You're so fucking strong."

Instinctively I squeezed his hand and lifted my head, giving him room to bite my neck. I could tell from the way his upper body moved that his hips were thrusting against mine, that our cocks were rubbing along each other, his hard, mine not. The fog that floated into the blue of his eyes, darkening them slightly, was one I had seen often.

"Love you so damn much," he confessed.

Before the accident, those words would have made me come as easily as any dirty ones he whispered in my ear. I dropped my head again, sucking on his neck.

"Babe, you're hard. And you feel so fucking good sliding against me. It's going to make me come."

I couldn't help but smile.

He'd done it again. He'd made me hard.

I smashed my mouth to his, my tongue plunged into his mouth, seeking his to taste and tangle. He was using me, my body, to get off, and it was hot. Above his head, his fingers grasped mine and I felt his body tense.

He was close.

"Fuck…yeah, baby, make me come…fuck, yeah," he whimpered deep in his throat. He was so hot when he lost himself in that moment of bliss. Breaking the kiss, I looked down at him to witness it.

"Come for me, let me feel it," I encouraged. By the way my body was rocking on his, I assumed he was bucking up against me, that his cock was pulsing against mine.

"Coming."

As his body gave way to the rush of his orgasm, I watched him, holding his hands. There was a flush to his cheeks as his eyes clenched shut and his lips parted. The look that crossed his face was almost one of pain, but I knew better, I remembered the euphoria that coursed through him. Sated, we continued to kiss and tease about getting caught. His hands weren't on my back, so I knew they were below my waist, probably on my ass. I ached to feel him grope me again.

"Do you want me to touch you?" he offered. "See if you can have one of those…see if you can come again?"

"No, that's okay. I just wanted to be on you again." I paused, almost afraid to ask. "Am I…am I still hard?"

"Mmm, very. Feels amazing against me. Someday, baby, me and you, completely naked debauchery."

Laughing, I shook my head. "Maybe when we can get to the meadow again. Some place where we won't get caught."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

It was so easy to say yes to my boy.

"You'll let me suck you?"

I shouldn't have been surprised he wanted to give me a blowjob, but it scared me as much as it aroused me. Could I sit and watch him with me in his mouth when I couldn't feel it, when I couldn't thrust into him like I used to.

"Yes," I finally answered.

"Fuck. We're going tomorrow, I don't care if I have to carry you all the way up the trail. I want your cock in my mouth so fucking much, baby," he replied quickly.

"We can't. Practice."

"Soon then. Maybe this weekend if it's warm enough."

I kissed him, inhaling his desire for me and how amazing he made me feel all the fucking time. I don't know how long we were together like that, my body on his, his cum drying between us, our lips constantly meeting over and over, but I finally rolled off him. Breathless and with my jeans still down my legs, I watched as Jasper grabbed his shorts and put them on. His eyes were on me, looking at me, at my cock that had softened while we kissed. I covered myself with my hand, but he stopped me.

"Don't."

I let him pull my hand away, I let him unabashedly stare at me. I tried to return it, but I got embarrassed and looked away. "Stop objectifying me," I teased, trying to lighten the intensity. "Am I nothing more to you than your play toy? I feel so used."

"My life-size toy." He kissed me. "I'll be right back."

He left the room and I sighed, already missing him. Jesus, sometimes I felt like such a fucking girl. Soon I would be writing our initials on my notebooks with a heart around them.

Jasper was gone for a few minutes, and I was undecided if I should do up my pants or keep myself exposed for him. Worried someone might come home, I reached down and buttoned and zipped my jeans. Wanting to appear as casual as possible in case we were surprised by his dad, I twisted to my side and opened the drawer on Jasper's nightstand, knowing that was where he kept the remote to the television.

But my fingers didn't feel the hard plastic, they felt paper. Thinking it was a love note to me or homework, I pulled it out. The folded paper fell open, exposing anything but a love note.

In his room, with the scent of his arousal still heavy in the air, I read the words that would define our future.

Dear Jasper,

Congratulations! After careful review of your academic credentials and other accomplishments, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Oregon State University. In addition, we are in the process of reinstating and rebuilding our men's track and field program for the spring of 2012 and would like to offer you a full scholarship covering your tuition and fees for your career at Oregon State University for your outstanding accomplishments in track and field…

I read the words, I even repeated them in my head, and I stared at the name of the college. It wasn't the University of Washington. Suddenly I couldn't breathe. My chest constricted painfully, my heart tightened with the realization of what had been bothering Jasper for the past week. It hadn't been the track meet at all. It was this.

The darkness had been right.

Jasper was leaving me.

"Oh God," I mumbled. I felt sick as my stomach churned. There was no bucket to throw up in and I couldn't make it to the toilet. Swallowing the bile that had risen in my throat, I took a few shallow breaths trying to keep the nausea away. My fear quickly morphed to anger, anger that he hadn't told me that he had applied to someplace else without telling me, anger that he had gotten in and hadn't told me.

There was no mistaking the look of happiness on his face when he returned, his cheeks were still red, his eyes were still bright and hazy. The second they fell on me and the letter in my hands, he knew.

"What is this?" I spat at him, my eyes narrowing as he swallowed thickly. "No, you know what, don't even bother to answer. I can read, I can see what the fuck it is. My question is were you going to tell me or just let me think we were going to college together all summer, then pack your bags in August and leave for Oregon?"

"Edward," he said calmly, "it's not like that."

"Oh really? Fuck you, Jasper. I'm crippled, not retarded. I know exactly what it's like," I growled at him, my lip curling up over my teeth.

"No," he shook his head, "you don't. You think you do, but you don't."

I threw the letter at him, but he let it fall to the floor. I pushed myself up so I was at least sitting. "Then by all means, please explain it to me," I sneered.

Bravely, he sat on the edge of the bed with his head down, his chin resting on his chest. The letter that had destroyed me still lay on his floor. "I've always admired you, Edward. Everything about you, but mostly your ability to think things through. You make plans and then work at it until they become reality. I never could. I dreamed of a doing bunch of shit, but that's all it was. Dreams. Not for you though."

As pissed as I was, I listened to him. It wasn't until I looked down at my leg that I saw his hand resting on my thigh. He didn't move it off when I noticed it, in fact, I watched him squeeze my leg.

"Going to UW was going to happen for you. There was no doubt in your mind. I knew that every time you talked about it, it was going to happen. Then you got the scholarship." He stared into my eyes as he said his next words. "And your dream to be a Huskie became mine."

Had it? Had I just assumed it was where Jasper wanted to go? That he wanted to go to UW as much as I did? He always seemed so excited about going, talking about our futures as much as I did. But the more I thought about it, the less I could recall him talking about the university itself, it was more the living together that he dreamed about.

"If you didn't want to go there-"

"It wasn't that at all. I did. I mean," he sighed heavily, "I didn't care where I went, Edward. As long as I was with you, I didn't care."

The anger slowly began to diffuse inside me. Maybe it had been me that had driven him to another college. Regardless of what he had just said, maybe he wanted time apart. "I thought…"

"Don't. Don't even think I didn't want to go with you. Because I did. But it wasn't that I wanted to go to UW as much as I wanted to be with you wherever you went. Every breath I take is for you, Edward, you know that. Making the decision to go to UW was easy. If that was where you were, it was where I wanted to be."

It was my turn to sigh. What he said sounded beautiful, but it didn't answer my question. "Then why do you have an acceptance letter from OSU?" I growled softly.

He bit his lip for a few seconds, then replied, "Because I don't have one from UW."

"They didn't take you?"

"I don't know. I haven't heard yet. Let's face it, you're smarter than I am, you get better grades." I went to argue with him but he put his hand up. "Let me finish. When you applied to UW, you were guaranteed to get in, but I wasn't. So after I applied there, I applied to a few others schools around Seattle just in case. I figured if I didn't get in to UW, then we would at least be in the same city. Maybe we could live in a place off campus close enough to both colleges. I still had my dreams of living with you even if I didn't get in to UW. I never told you I applied to other places because I was hoping I'd get into UW and the other places wouldn't matter."

"OSU isn't in Seattle, Jasper," I reminded him harshly.

"I know. They were a last minute addition for me. I'd been doing some research online for colleges in the Pacific Northwest and found them. Then I remembered they had sent me a few things, so I dug through the pile of mail I had from colleges and found them. They wanted me to apply, even waived the application fee. So I did. But I honestly never thought anything would come of it. Certainly nothing like this."

My piercing pain heart had slowed only to ache. For months he'd walked around with the secret of applying to other schools because he didn't think he was good enough. He had applied at other places to stay close to me. How could I fault him for that? Reaching down I covered his hand on my leg with mine and he tugged his lip between his teeth.

"Why didn't you tell me you got in?"

"Because I wanted to decide what I was going to do first. If I wasn't going there, then I wasn't going to tell you I had gotten in."

"And if you decided to go?"

"I never would have. I just didn't know that until I got the letter." His palm turned up and his fingers threaded with mine. "Until the chance of me going became a reality, I hadn't thought about it much. It wasn't even a factor to me. I applied and that was the end of it. But these past few days, I've realized I knew all along even I got in, I couldn't go. I couldn't be that far away from you."

"Because I'm in the chair?"

I had to ask. I had to know if my being crippled was holding him back from the future he was supposed to have.

"No." His answer was definite.

"Then why?" I asked with a shaky voice.

He gave me a half smile and reached up to touch my cheek with his other hand. "Because I love you."

He meant it. Our plans for college had been made long before the accident, long before I was in a wheelchair. He wasn't going to college with me because he pitied me or because he thought I couldn't function without him. Above all, Jasper knew what I was capable of doing. Since the accident, he was the one that had never coddled me, he had always pushed me, letting me do things on my own.

The first tear fell before I could stop it and he wiped it away for me. What had I done to deserve him in my life? Before I could stop myself, I was asking that very question. "What did I do?"

"Do?" He tilted his head.

"To get your attention, what did I do?" The tears had stopped but my voice still trembled.

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

"You were sitting in biology," he shrugged.

"I'm serious," I frowned.

"So am I." Leaning forward, he swept his lips across mine. "That's all it took for me, baby. You were breathtaking in every way. You still are."

"And you're a dork," I whispered.

"Your dork," he chuckled. Exhaling, I tightened my hold on his hand, as if that would keep him near me, because what was coming next was even harder than what we had discussed already.

"A full scholarship is huge." As I suspected he would, he shrugged. "Your parents must be relieved."

"Doesn't matter."

"Why not?"

"Weren't you listening?" He grew frustrated. "I told you I'm not going to OSU. I'm going to wait until I hear from UW and go there with you."

He stated it so matter of factly, that I had a hard time comprehending what he was really saying. He was giving up over thirty thousand dollars to go to school with me. I needed to challenge him, I needed him to think. It was going to hurt, but it had to be done. "What if you don't get into UW? What if you tell OSU no and then can't go with me anyway? What then? You've wasted a chance to go for free and you're still not at the same school as me."

I could tell by the turmoil in his eyes that he had already thought about that. It had been the very thing that had kept him up at night and quiet during the day.

"Then I hope I get into one of the other places in Seattle I applied to."

"Are any of them as good as OSU?" Shrugging, he looked away. He knew damn well what he was risking. "You can't do this, Jasper. You can't give up this scholarship for me. I won't let you."

He glared at me. "It's not your choice."

"No, it's not. But do you want me to feel guilty that you gave up a chance like this for me? Do you think that will make me feel good?"

Instantly, he let go of my hand and was standing. Pacing back and forth in front of his bed, his hands went to his hair and he fisted it. "This is exactly why I didn't fucking tell you. I knew you would try to pull some shit like this. I fucking knew it. I knew you'd tell me to go, asshole."

I pushed myself up higher to confront him. "I would be an asshole if I let you give up a chance like this for me. What kind of person would that make me, huh, Jasper? What kind of guy lets his boyfriend give up a chance of a lifetime?"

Rubbing his face with his hands, he still. His chest heaved with his tensioned breaths. "So you're telling me I need to go so you don't feel guilty?"

"Yes…I mean no."

"Which is it?" he snarled.

It was my turn to get frustrated. "Fuck, Jasper. Up until five minutes ago, I didn't even know this was an option. Give me some fucking time to get used to the idea, okay?"

Sighing, he lolled his head back. "Can we just pretend you didn't see the letter?"

It almost made me smile. It was such a typical Jasper thing to say. "Afraid not. We've talked about college a lot, but now I realize we really didn't. I talked about UW, you talked about living together."

"I told you, I don't care where I go."

"That's just it. You should care. It's your fucking future too, Jasper. I love you, I want to be with you, but I can't be responsible for you going to a school you don't want to go to."

"Damn it, I told you I only applied to OSU because it was free and the campus looked nice."

There was more, I felt it. He wasn't telling me everything. "Are you sure about that?" Guiltily, he turned away, not able to face me as he shook his head. He was still shirtless, his muscles coiled and bunched under his skin. "Then why did you apply?"

With his back to me, he spoke quietly. "I want to run, Edward."

He was so ashamed that he wanted to do something I couldn't that he couldn't even look at me while he explained.

"You're good at so many things, but running is all I'm good at. I'm not the best by any means, but I love it." His sniffled and I knew if he turned around, I would see tears. I yearned for my legs so I could get off the fucking bed and comfort him. "In Texas, running kept me sane when I was so confused about liking boys. Up until your accident, running made me feel so alive and strong. Now…it's different now. But I still want to do it. It's part of who I am. I can't stop."

"Then don't," I murmured. He was silent, his shoulders slight shaking as he considered my words. Even though he couldn't see it, I lifted my hand to reach for him, willing him to turn around.

"I shouldn't want to run."

"Why? Because I can't?" He shrugged and I sighed. "Jas, you can't do this to yourself. You can't give up your life for me. I won't let you."

"You can't stop me," he challenged, almost daring to glance at me over his shoulder.

"So fucking stubborn," I muttered, sighing. "You said you want to run. You can't run at UW?"

"Not like I can at OSU. In the 1980's, they had some really big budget cuts and had to cut some of their athletic programs. One of them was track and field. They've got more money now, so they have started to reestablish the sport. They started with the girls' team and now they are working on the boys. Spring of next year will be their first team since then. The scholarship is for that."

"They want you to run for them?"He nodded slightly and as confused and upset as I was, I smiled. Proudly. They wanted my boy. "Jasper, that's…awesome." Still not facing me, he shook his head in denial. "Do you have any idea how special that is?"

"What do you mean?" he mumbled.

"They are putting together a new program, they want to get the best they can find to start it off, right? And they picked you, Jas. They think you are one of the best."

"I didn't even win states last year."

"You were coming off a fucking broken ankle, and you came in second by less than a second. Don't you get it? OSU thinks you are worth taking a thirty thousand dollar chance on, and trust me, they're right."

It was the exact same thing everyone had told me when I had gotten my scholarship. When I was afraid of competing at that level they told me that UW wouldn't have picked me if they didn't think I could do it. They had more faith in me than I did.

"Maybe it means they're desperate," he suggested.

"No. After you applied and told them you ran, they checked you out."

"It doesn't matter anyway. I'm not going."

"Jesus fucking Christ, I could kill you sometimes. Turn around," I demanded. Why did I love such a stubborn ass again?

Slowly, he turned, the damp streaks on his cheeks confirmed the tears I had suspected. "I'm not going, Edward."

"Love, you have to."

"What I have to do is be with you. UW will take me, I know it."

I decided to try a different tactic. "Jas, answer this honestly, okay? If it were me, what would you tell me to do? Say I got offered a scholarship to a school for wheelchair basketball. If our roles were reversed, and it was me that would be going further away, what would you want me to do to?"

His reply was barely audible but I heard him. "I'd tell you to go."

"Then why won't you listen to me when I say the same thing?"

"Because it's different. You don't need me as much as I need you."

Shaking my head, I closed my eyes. "You're so wrong. But it doesn't matter. Do your parents know?"

"My mom does."

"What did she say?" I asked, opening my eyes.

"She said I shouldn't make my decision based on you. That maybe you needed space from me."

Well, she was partially wrong. I didn't need space from him. That was the last thing I needed. "Does she know you're not going?"

"Not yet. I need to let OSU know by May first. I should hear from UW within the next week or so. I looked online and their letters go out this week."

It was only a few weeks away. "What are the odds of running for them?"

"Not likely. Unlike OSU, UW already has a very established team. They recruit from other colleges and stuff. Not kids like me."

"So you probably won't get a scholarship from them?"

"No."

Even if he got into UW, he couldn't give up the scholarship. "Jas-"

"Don't fucking say it, Edward," he warned. He came to the bed and sat down on the edge again, staring at me. "I'm. Not. Going."

"It's the chance of a lifetime, love. You have to," I told him. Reaching out, I took his hand in mine, lacing our fingers together. "We can do it. How far away is it?"

"Four hours."

"That's not too far."

"It's four hours too far. Edward, sometimes I feel like I can't breathe when you make me stay home for a night. How am I supposed to do it for weeks on end?"

"We'll figure out a way. There's webcams and we can text and talk all the time."

Resigned, he looked down at our hands on my lap, fingers so meshed together it was hard to tell where one of us ended and the other began. "But what about our dream of living at college together?" he whispered.

"Maybe I can transfer after the first year. Maybe all we have to do is get through one year. We'll see each other on holidays and some weekends. Then next May, we'll be together."

Exhaling heavily, he dragged his eyes back up to mine. "I don't want to be apart from you for a year."

"Me either, but I'm not letting you give this up. It's too good an offer."

Understanding, he nodded. "Are you still mad I didn't tell you?"

"Hell yes. I can't believe you were going to make this decision without asking me."

"Because I knew you would tell me go to," he confessed softly, his eyes dropping to our clasped hands. It was the simplest sign of affection, one we did naturally and easily, one that I would miss.

"And you knew you would listen to me," I assumed correctly and he nodded, a few tears slipped from his eyes. "Jasper, you know whatever happens, whether we are five feet apart or four hours, wherever tomorrow brings us, I'll be there."

When his eyes caught mine again, they were glistening. "Who's going to cook you pasta?" he asked, referring back to the vision I had told him about in the truck.

"You can cook it when you visit," I smiled, although inside I was frightened about being without him for a night, much less a year.

"Who will fight the darkness?" he asked quietly.

Lifting my hand, I fingered the ends of his silky hair. "I'm sure it'll be gone by then. It gets tired of fighting you all the time."

"But what if it comes back? I can't let it get you," he said softly.

So fucking devoted. So determined.

"As long as you love me, it won't. I swear. You gotta go, love. We need to let it be and see what happens." Sniffling he nodded. Releasing his hand, I shifted myself back to the headboard of his bed and held out my hand. "C'mere."

Moving he stretched out next to me and curled into my arm, draping his around me. His breaths were moist on my neck as he exhaled. I didn't care if we got caught. I didn't care if my own father, or hell, half the town, walked in right then. Jasper needed me to hold him and that was exactly what I was going to do. I wasn't sure I had convinced him to go. I knew he still had huge doubts about what I was suggesting, but he was at least going to think about it, and with Jasper that was all I could ask.

"Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"You know I'm all in, right? Like, for life?"

Turning my head, I nuzzled his hair and inhaled his scent, still strong from his races. "Me too, love, I'm all in too."

The letter that had changed our futures, that had turned our already fragile lives upside down, remained on the ground by his bed.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

I was very proud of the boys for working through that as well as they did. Sometimes they surprise me. Think they can be away from each other for a year? I had so many favorite parts in this chapter: E waking up and they are holding hands, the phone call that lasted all night after E's spasm, how E knew J was leaving to come see him, and then a frustrated J finally giving in and knowing E was right at the end...like I've said, they OWN me.

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