If on a Winter's Night

by Touchstone67

One fateful, winter's night, Edward and Jasper's lives are turned upside down. Is their relationship strong enough to withstand the aftermath, or will they be driven apart forever? Rated M for sexual situations, language. AH J/E slash

24. Strawberry Fields Forever

Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N-I ended up cutting almost 3k from this chapter, however I left the activities from Friday (piano playing etc) intact because I really wanted to hear Edward's thoughts that day. The beginning of this chapter goes a bit back in time. Oh, and this chapter is dialogue heavy.

Thank you to everyone that reads and reviews and supports this story.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Edward's pov

"**~~**"

If on a winter's night I hadn't been willing to give up on a dream…

"**~~**"

"I've got some homework to do before practice," I said to my mother as I pushed past her and headed down the hallway to my room.

"Do you want anything to eat?"

"No, I'm good," I called out over my shoulder as I entered my room and closed the door.

Not even glancing at the corner to make sure I was alone, I tossed my backpack onto my bed and wheeled over to my desk. My bottom lip was firmly between my teeth as I opened my laptop and booted it up. Jasper was going to be by to pick me up for practice in a few hours, I didn't have much time.

I sighed at the just the thought of him. I felt foolish, girly, stupid, and utterly in love. It was that love I knew he returned with equal passion that had lifted us up and helped us through the hard times. It seemed the world had been against for the past few months, staring with New Year's Eve, but somehow we had made it through all the obstacles that had been thrown at us.

All except one.

Attending college four hours apart.

It could easily be solved if Jasper was accepted into UW, but if he didn't get a scholarship, if he couldn't run for them, it wouldn't matter. My talented boy deserved to run on a team, he deserved the opportunity he'd been given, and there was no way I was going to let him refuse it. Talking, even fighting, about him going to OSU wasn't something I was going to shy away from. No matter the topic, no matter how difficult the conversation, I never doubted we would come out on the other side together, hand in hand, and as strong as ever. And that was all that mattered, that we were together even when we were apart.

I thought back to the night before, how adamant he had been about going to school in Seattle. How frustrated he quickly grew with me when I didn't accept his reasoning. Deep down he knew I was right, and that was what scared him.

And me.

Then he told me what he wanted to do for a career and, if it was possible, I fell more in love with him. I was proud of him for finding his mission, something he was passionate about, but to know that his passion included helping others like me…he just simply took my breath away.

Jasper and I had always supported each other's interests. I went to his meets, he went to my games. Clueless about classical music, he listened to me play the piano as he read his comic books on the couch. For hours, he would play WoW while I studied. We might have been in love, but we kept our own interests, neither of us ever got so lost in the other that we lost ourselves. Until my accident. Our world had been tipped on its axis since then, and suddenly our level ground was level no more. This tipping meshed our worlds more closely together than we'd ever thought possible. Before the accident, we had been able clearly define each other, but since that night, we had become one, a united front against fate. We struggled to remind each other of our interests, of what made us Edward and Jasper. Jasper's running brought him guilt, my basketball brought me pain. Jasper put aside his games and focused on research for me, I put aside music and focused on surviving. We would never again be the boys we were before that night. Those guys were only part of who we had both become together, as one. The accident had brought on more than just changes in interests. Suddenly the shy quiet one was exposing his protective nature that I had always knew existed. And I let him. I relished in the fired up Jasper that got angry at the unfairness of it all before he would turn around and sweetly kiss me. Since New Years, Jasper had become my advocate. He had been the one who pushed me, challenged me to do things for myself, who fought for my access to restaurants and through the school lunch line. I knew that a determined Jasper was a force not to be fucked with, but the rest of the world had no idea what was about to be unleashed on it.

There was the Jasper who everyone else saw, and there was the one who I knew.

And I loved them both.

During school that day, I'd seen him withdrawing. I knew he was battling the decision we had come to the night before, questioning and waiting until the right time to tell me he'd changed his mind and that he was going to go to Seattle anyway.

After witnessing Jasper struggle all day, I watched him walk out of gym class to the locker room to get ready for practice. I saw his defeated stance, his slumped shoulders and hanging head, and hated knowing he felt like that because of me. I stopped by my locker and then headed to the parking lot, sighing when I saw my mother's car parked in a handicapped space.

As we pulled away, I looked at the track in the distance, easily able to make out Jasper as he ran.

He was doing what he loved to do. What he dreamed about doing.

His dream of running, one he'd never really spoke about, was becoming a reality, just like mine of playing basketball for UW almost did. A dreamed he'd shared with me.

Something in me clicked and suddenly I knew what I had to do. I knew what might be able to save us.

Anxiously, I looked out the car window, focusing on what we were going by instead of what was passing us on the other side. I hated driving with anyone except Jasper, but explaining to my mother why I was clutching my backpack until my knuckles turned white wasn't an option. So I concentrated on my breathing and hoped the few miles to my house would go by quickly.

The laptop dinged, signaling it was ready. My hands shook as I typed Oregon State University in the search bar of Google. Clicking on the top result, I opened a page with their logo at the top and filled with information, news, and pictures. From there I clicked on the academics button and then the undergraduate degrees and scanned the page.

It was there. They had it.

Music.

My heart raced at the word and all the possibilities that went with it. Skimming the description, I clicked on programs, which listed the different options for music majors. Not only did they have music education, they also had piano performance.

Within seconds, with just a few words on a webpage, my dream began to shift.

Before I got too excited, I went back to the main menu and went to the admissions section to find their application deadline. My eyes welled up when I saw the date.

Two days.

I had two days. It was irrational of me to apply so late, but when it came to Jasper, I didn't care about irrationality. I only cared about him and being where he was. Not hesitating, I selected the 'apply online' button and waited while it loaded. Then my new future was sitting in front of me, just waiting for me to fill it in and send it off.

Could I do it? Could I give up my dream just like that? For as long as I could remember, I wanted to wear purple and yellow and be a Husky, could I wear black and orange and be happy about it? Since I had told Jasper my college plans, he'd supported me, shared my excitement and made it his own. Over the years my dream had become his. He'd been willing to put his desire to run aside for me. Now it was time for me to my dream aside for him, to share and pursue his dream with him. To take his dream and make it mine. Instead of him sitting at my basketball games and cheering me on, I would be sitting at his track meets cheering him on.

Taking a deep breath, I began to fill in the form. I was vaguely aware of time ticking away as I entered information about my grades, references, and future plans. There was a short essay required on an important event in your life. Scoffing to myself, I began to tell my story about the car accident and the boy who helped me through it. It took well over an hour before I finally reached the last page and realized I needed to pay a fifty dollar application fee.

"Fuck," I muttered. Closing my laptop a little, I backed my chair up and left my room. My mother was in the kitchen making dinner when I rolled in. "Can I borrow your credit card? I need fifty dollars."

"For?"

"Basketball," I lied. "I'll pay you back when I can get to the bank."

"Don't worry about it. It's in my pocketbook."

Relieved, I went grabbed her wallet from her purse on the table and took her card from it. Back in my room, I entered the credit card information and then paused.

All I had to do was click submit, and then his dream would become ours.

Jasper had done so much for me, particularly in the past five months, and while he claimed he needed me more, it was me that needed him. Jasper was my one piece of sacred ground. If I'd thought for a second I could survive with him four hours away, I'd been foolish. It was about time the tables turned and I did something for him.

I was going all in for my boy.

Oddly enough, as nervous as I was, my heart was beating steadily and my hands were no longer shaking. Closing my eyes, images of us flashed through my mind; me watching Jasper race around a track, Jasper eating pizza next to me on worn couch as we watched TV, our lips meeting in a goodnight kiss that would surely lead to more, waking up in his arms in the middle of the night, excited simply because he was next to me.

It was the right thing to do. It was what he wanted, and now what I wanted.

Opening my eyes, I focused on the button for a second before I finally clicked it and officially applied to OSU to be with Jasper. Encouraged, I returned to the music major page and read over the information more closely. The links on the side listed the faculty, programs, and room scheduling, but it was the scholarship auditions that caught my attention first. There were two ways to apply, in person in front of a committee or via a CD or DVD of a performance. It needed to be eight to ten minutes long and consist of two types of music styles, singing optional. Swallowing, I continued to read the details, and then printed out the necessary forms. The odds of getting a scholarship were unlikely, all their money had probably already been given out, but receiving a scholarship in any amount would only be icing on the cake. Going there with Jasper was the real goal.

My heart skipped a beat when I read through the athletics page and how they were reestablishing their men's track program. Curious, I went to You Tube and searched for Oregon college eight-hundred meter races and after watching a few, ended up on an Olympic Trials video. In awe, I watched the guys race around the track, my heart beating as fast as theirs when one of them came from behind and flew by everyone with his finishing kick. He was so fast and determined. Then the announcer said it was an 'Oregon sweep'.

My boy could be a part of that. Someday, he could be one of them, he could be part of an Oregon sweep while I watched him do it. Jasper would deny he was good enough for anything more than college level track and field, but I dreamed enough for the boy of us. If anyone could make it to the level of these guys, it was Jasper. After skipping a beat, my heart caught up to my thoughts and pounded with possibility.

Whether or not I was there with him, it could all happen. But I knew we were stronger together, if I was at college with him, he could be more focused on his studies and running and not worrying about me being so far away. I just needed to get in to OSU.

I was pretty confident I would be accepted, but I Googled their acceptance information anyway. According to the website I found, my GPA and SAT scores were above what they required. Relieved, I closed the browser and began looking at the scholarship papers I'd printed out. They wanted to know my music history, lessons, accomplishments, references, and a brief essay on why I was applying.

Because I wanted to be with my boy.

Because we had a dream and I wanted to see it come true.

I already knew what I wanted to play for the audition, I just needed to film myself doing it. To some, music was lyrics and notes and melodies, but to me it was so much more. It was more than I could write on an application, but I could show it. If I played for Jasper, I would express what music meant to me without even trying. I needed Jasper to film me, but he couldn't know why. I could also send the CD I'd made for him at Christmas. That had been some of my best composing.

Since my basketball scholarship had been yanked, my parents were already planning on paying for college, but because it was in Oregon, I would be out of state. Instead of going to UW for twenty thousand, OSU was going to cost more like thirty thousand. Several thousand more than my parents were expecting. I was going to have to tell them I had applied.

I was going to have to tell them why.

With a smile, I closed the laptop, leaving behind one dream and beginning another.

I dug through my bag and pulled out my phone. I sent Emmett a text and let him know I couldn't do PT on Friday because my basketball teammate was coming to my house. He replied, asking if I'd had anymore spasms and if I had told my father. Sighing, I told him no to both questions. Then he scolded me and said I had to tell my father and he would see me on Monday for our scheduled appointment. His last text wished me luck at the game. Tossing my phone aside, I began to get ready for practice.

I had barely finished changing when I my heart suddenly sped up. He was close. Picking up my duffel bag, I put it on my lap and after a quick goodbye to my mother, opened the front door to find Jasper just pulling into the driveway. He got out of the truck and gave me a relieved smile.

And every doubt I had about what I'd done earlier disappeared.

It was that smile I wanted to wake up to every morning. Those eyes, that hair, all of it. I wanted it all, I wanted him, I wanted us.

"Hey, love," I greeted as I went down the ramp.

After putting me in the cab and securing my chair, he hopped in and waited for me to move over before backing out. There was a silence for most of the ride to practice. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward, but it was unusual. Not that we weren't ever quiet, we were, but it was a different kind of silence. Jasper was still worried about college and all it was all I could do not blurt out what I'd spent the past few hours doing. I was afraid to tell him. I didn't want his hopes raised unnecessarily.

No, until I heard back from OSU, I couldn't tell Jasper I'd applied.

Instead of talking, I put my head on his shoulder and my hand on his thigh. For the moment, everything was as it should be.

I felt guilty at practice when he pouted about my homework, but he grabbed his bag and brought it inside. While Jasper made his way to the bleachers, I joined my teammates that were there already. Everyone seemed excited for the first game and Sam went over the practice schedule before sending us off to run through warm up drills. The scrimmage went well, I felt a bit more confident in using the chair for defense, but I still felt uncomfortable dribbling. Maybe it was something I would never get used to. I glanced over at Jasper a few times, finding him either watching me or texting on his phone. Rarely was he actually doing homework. After the scrimmage Sam called us all over to the sidelines where we gathered in a circle.

"Game is at noon on Saturday, I'll need you all here by eleven. If anyone needs a ride, let me know and I can swing by and pick you up. We're playing the Sonics, and those that played last year remember they've got that huge post player and will probably play zone defense." He paused and glanced at me before turning to Brady. "We're going to need an outside shot, Brady, so I'm going to start Edward."

I swallowed the lump that instantly rose in my throat. Start me? I wasn't ready to start. Hell, I felt like I barely ready to play much less run the offense. There were still plays I was uncertain of, much less my dribbling. Looking for Jasper, I found him leaning against the door waiting for me.

Brady nodded. "No problem."

Sam gave him a thankful smile and continued. "The starting five will be Cullen, Biers, Leah, Colin, and Paul. Any questions?"

Yeah, is it too late to quit?

We all shook our heads. He released us and I began packing my bag. "Congratulations," Riley said quietly as he pushed over to me.

"Thanks," I sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just feel bad about Brady. He's been playing longer."

"Maybe chair ball but not basketball. Sam made the right call," he confirmed. "We still on for tomorrow?"

"Yep. Three o'clock okay?"

"Works for me."

I headed toward Jasper with Riley by my side. When I reached him, I saw the pout on face, his full bottom lip sticking out. The lust was already storming in his eyes as they raked over my sweaty hair and shoulders. After Riley and Jasper greeted each other, we headed for the truck, Jasper eager to know the reason behind my smile. Unable to contain myself, I couldn't stop moving while I waited for him to put my chair in the back and get in.

"Spill."

"I'm the starting point guard on Saturday," I almost yelled.

"Serious? Babe, I'm so proud of you!"

Then I was in his arms, his lips on mine, his tongue in my mouth. However when he went to straddle me, I stopped him.

"Not tonight, I need to show you something," I said, half hoping he would ignore me. He did and climbed onto my lap. Fingertips brushed the nape of my neck as he toyed with the ends of my hair, sending a shiver down my broken spine. By the time he asked about Riley coming over, his lips were sucking on my earlobe as my head rested against the seat. My hands were gripping his hips when I felt his teeth on my neck, threatening to mark me.

"He already saw one hickey," I reminded him, whimpering when he bit down. God, I fucking loved it when he was that.

Moving my hands up his sides, I slid them under his shirt and let them glide along the heated skin that covered his ropey muscles. Reaching his chest, I ran my thumbs over both his nipples and he arched toward me. We were barely touching each other, but the spark between us was burning bright even at the slight touches, igniting into something neither of us could ever contain.

"Jesus, the shit you do to me," he murmured right before smashing his mouth to mine, forcing his tongue into my mouth as mine eagerly met his.

Yeah, there was no way I would ever make it with him four hours away. It might have been raw and primal, but I needed him, and judging by his keening sounds and writhing on my lap, I was pretty fucking sure he needed me too. Keeping one hand on his chest, I returned the other to his hips to feel them grind onto my lap. When his head dropped to my shoulder, I looked down between us and saw his covered erection rubbing along mine in an unmatched need. Seconds later, our shirts were off and the contours of our chest were pressed together. Our lips barely parted before meeting again and again. Reaching up, I took his hair into my hand and pulled his head back, allowing me access to his delicious neck. When his hips bucked forward and I felt the vibration of his groan, I ran my hand down his back, leaving marks from my nails in their wake. There was no space between us, but I needed him closer, my fingers were digging into his flesh, but I needed him more. There wasn't enough of us, I wanted more.

"Jasper," I breathed into the air between us. "Jasper, Jasper…"

It was all I could think of, he filled me.

"Fuck, I need you to touch me, please," he begged, bucking his hips forward. Silently obeying, I slowly dragged my hand along the tense muscles of his back and around his side. With his forehead to mine, his breaths covering me, I asked him if I was his.

"Always mine. No one else's."

My responding moan was accompanied by the grazing of my fingers along his thigh toward his erection.

"Oh God, Oh God," he cried out just as the backs of my fingers brushed over his cock. Tensing, he grunted and thrust forward, coming hard in his pants.

"Fucking hot," I whispered hoarsely before capturing the rest of his moans with my mouth as he convulsed and shook on me.

"I just jizzed in my pants," he admitted shyly with a beautiful blush creeping over his cheeks.

"I was going to jerk you off but you were too quick," I chuckled, brushing back his damp hair. "I love it when you lose control."

After he caught his breath, I reached around him into my bag and pulled out my iPhone. I told him I didn't do our homework because I had been researching. I opened the video of the track meet I had found earlier and showed it to him. His temple rested against mine while his fingers played with my hair as we watched the video together. As his eyes followed the runners around the track, I watched his reaction. There was no hiding the excitement that flared in his sky blue eyes.

"You have to go, Jasper," I said quietly when the runners crossed the finish line. "An Oregon sweep. How can you not want to be a part of this? The history this college has is amazing. They produce Olympic athletes."

"I'm not Olympic quality, baby."

With moisture brightening his eyes as he confessed what had been on his mind all day. "I don't think I can do it without you. I've been trying to imagine it all day and…I just can't."

Determined to not let him give up, I whispered, "I'm not letting you throw away your future for me. You have to go."

"I have to be with you."

I wanted to tell him he wouldn't be with me, but I would be with him, but I clenched my jaw and swallowed the temptation. He said he wanted to be able to touch me and sit on my lap. When I reasoned further, he sighed and closed his eyes. His words were a salve on my worried soul, the one that had sat in my room and given up my dream. Knowing how devoted he was to us, how much he needed me, made the decision so much easier.

A storm brewed in his eyes as he considered the pros and cons, weighing his options and debating how much our love was worth. Finally, without taking his eyes from mine, he cupped my cheek and brushed his lips over mine.

"I'll do it for us," he agreed softly and kissed me. Our tongues had just met when he pulled away and asked to see the video again. I hit play and watched a smile bloom across his face. Then he told me the runners weren't from OSU, but University of Oregon.

"My bad. I just saw the Oregon and got all excited." I blushed at my stupid mistake.

Taking my bottom lip between us, he mumbled. "I fucking love you."

It was over half and hour later that we finally separated enough to put on our shirts. Jasper started the truck and I dragged myself next to him and buckled up before he backed out of the space. The ride home was just as silent as the one up there but for an entirely different reason. Jasper's sated body was relaxed next to me, the tenseness from earlier no longer contained in his muscles. Humming with The Beatles, he squeezed my hand briefly before murmuring all we needed was love.

We certainly had plenty of that.

"**~~**"

At school the next day, Jasper tried to be upbeat about our decision but I knew he was still weary about it. It showed at lunch the most. He ignored the conversation going on at the table and laid his head on his folded arms, his eyes drifting close under the weight of his thoughts. To ease his mind, to remind him we were in this fight together, I placed my hand on his thigh. His eyelids fluttered open at the slight touch and then he gave me the most amazing lazy smile.

It said nothing and everything, but most importantly it said 'I love you', and that was all I needed to know. No matter what, he loved me.

He held my gaze for a few long seconds before his brow knitted and he glanced at Bella next to me. Normally my gut reaction at his warning look would have been to whip my hand back, but right then covering up what we meant to each other was the least of my concerns. Comforting Jasper in the only way I could was my priority. I don't know if she saw anything or not, but she never said a word.

After school I was shooting around when I heard the van pull up and park in front of my house. Spinning my chair around, I saw the side door open and a ramp unfold out before Riley wheeled onto it rolled to the ground. Once he was off it, he pressed a button and the ramp automatically folded up and the door closed.

Riley had an independence I wondered if I would ever achieve. He lived on his own, he went to school, and he drove. I didn't think there was anything he couldn't do if he wanted to. God knows he certainly wouldn't hesitate to try something new. Had he always been so confident and comfortable with the paralysis? Would I ever be like that?

Part me thought I would never accept it like he had.

"Hey, Cullen," he smiled as he pushed up my driveway. "Nice place."

"Thanks." I went over to him and fist bumped his extended one.

"I brought some cones for dribbling drills. Then we can go over any plays you're not sure of. Sound good?"

"Sounds great. Jasper's coming over after his practice, maybe he can help," I said, offering my boyfriend's assistance.

For the next hour, Riley ran me through different drills, working on my balance in the chair as I bounced the ball next to me. He was patient even when I got frustrated, laughed when I made a mistake, and always smiled. While we practiced Riley talked about the other team, their players, which ones he knew were back on the team and how we could defend them. When I heard Jasper's truck in the distance and my heart began to beat the slightly faster rate it did anticipating his arrival.

He parked by the curb and watched me for a second before getting out and striding up the driveway. Jasper's eyes were on mine as he said 'hey' in only the way Jasper could before he greeted Riley. Jasper agreed to rebounding for us as we ran through all the team's plays. We'd been going over them for almost an hour when my mother came home and I introduced her to Riley. He politely refused her offer to stay for dinner, seeming slightly surprised when my mother automatically included Jasper in our dinner plans. After running through the plays a few more times, Riley said I was ready and he needed to get home, promising to see me at the game the next day. Jasper and I watched as Riley used the electronic ramp to get back into his van. He waved as he drove off.

Then Jasper and I went inside to film.

After changing into a nicer shirt, we went to the living room and I moved to the bench and instructed Jasper on what I needed him to do. I tried to stay calm but my stomach was churning. My entire future could be riding on the video. Even if it didn't mean a scholarship, they would see it before they decided to accept me into their music program. If they didn't think I had any real talent, they wouldn't take me, no matter how good my grades were.

I began warming up with a favorite of mine, one I played so often I could do it in my sleep. Focusing on my hands, I played Claire de Lune, using the familiar notes to warm up. I knew the next song would surprise Jasper. Not so much the song as what I was going to do with it. Hitting record, Jasper held my phone up and I began. As soon as my fingers struck the first keys, he knew what it song it was and I swear he gasped. Watching my hands, I began to sing.

The music flowed around us as I swayed back and forth, playing our song for him and only him as he moved around the piano to get different angles. Right before the last verse, I raised my eyes to his and sang directly to the boy behind the camera. Holding his gaze, I finished the song, letting the last of the notes fade away. He swallowed thickly and hit pause. By the look on his face, I knew I had been successful.

I didn't just want to play the music for the audition, I wanted them to feel what I felt. If Jasper felt it, so would they. At least, I hoped they would. What worried me was the lack of pedal use. The paralysis didn't allow me to play the way I was used to, it was harder to fade in and out of notes, to hold them like I wanted to. Jasper's untrained ears couldn't hear a difference, but I knew the audition committee would be able to. I would have to be sure to make a note of it on the application somewhere. They would know I was paralyzed from my application already, I just hoped they understood.

Jasper sat next to me and kissed my cheek. "That was beautiful, baby," he whispered before telling me that whoever watched the video would know I was singing to the person filming. I chewed on my lip. Maybe Jasper was uncomfortable with others knowing. These people were strangers to us, they would have no idea that I had sung to a boy, and even if they did, I was sure I wasn't the first gay music major.

I began to play the classical piece, losing myself in the music as Jasper filmed. Playing basketball was incredible, it gave me a physical high I yearned for but it was music and my piano that fulfilled me more than anything. There were no words to describe how I felt when I played. A sense of freedom rushed through me, filling me with happiness. When I played the piano, I forgot I was paralyzed. Playing basketball in a wheelchair was a constant reminder of my situation, but sitting at the piano wasn't. It was just me and the music.

Smiling, I looked up at Jasper. "How was that?"

"Fucking perfect," he sighed. "You're amazing."

Closing the cover, I blushed and slid along the bench to the chair. With Jasper following, I went back to my room to upload and edit the video. Jasper flopped on the bed as I opened the program and connected my phone. Together we watched the video and I agreed with Jasper. Whoever watched it would know I was singing to someone I loved, but they wouldn't know if it was boy or girl. Once I was done, I emailed the link to Mr. Harter to get his opinion and then closed everything out. I should have known that Jasper suspected something was up but his question about what the video was for still took me slightly off guard. I decided to tell him about the scholarship that Mr. Harter wanted me to apply for, perhaps it would enough to satisfy Jasper's curiosity. Understandably, he was hurt I hadn't told him, and I felt guilty knowing he was going to feel a lot more hurt when he finally found out why I was really doing it. I didn't like lying to him, but I didn't want to tell him until I knew for sure. I still had to tell my dad.

I told Jasper I had papers to fill out and suddenly his eyes dropped from mine and stared at the bed.

"Jasper?"

Something was up.

He sighed and looked at me. "I have a paper to sign too." I didn't have time to ask what he meant because my mother called us to dinner.

Dinner went quick. Jasper inhaled his garlic bread and spaghetti, answering my dad's questions and updating everyone on the amount of money he'd raised. After clearing the table, Jasper followed me to the workout room and I showed him the exercises that Emmett had given me. Working out ended up becoming dancing to Emmett's CD. Jasper laughed and danced, bouncing and spinning in circles around me while I played my air drums. Then he was in front of me, his hands on my shoulders as he circled his hips.

It was moments like that I would miss the most if we were apart. Just being stupid with someone and not caring.

He thrust his hips forward and in a brave moment, I buried my face in his crotch before giving him a wink. We couldn't stay in there much longer, something was bound to happen. Not wanting to risk getting caught with my face pressed against his cock, we returned to my room. While Jasper changed, I used the bathroom, quickly inserting the catheter and emptying my bladder before washing my hands and brushing my teeth.

"…ass if you touch him again." I heard him say as I pushed my door opened.

"You okay?"

He jumped. "Yeah, just talking to myself."

Closing the distance between us, I bumped my chair into his legs and looked up him. The desire from dancing and the emotions from playing flooded me.

"Hey."

"Hey."

That was all it took before he was folding himself onto my lap and pressing his lips to mine in a soft kiss. Our hands found each other, clasping as our lips met repeatedly. Finally pulling apart, he laid his head on my shoulder and I asked what was bothering him. He was afraid. I didn't know why or from what, but it was obvious he was scared.

"You can tell me, love."

Keeping his head on my shoulder, he whispered, "I have the papers I need to sign to accept the scholarship in my duffel bag. I couldn't… sign them alone."

"You wanted to give me a chance to change my mind."

Then he showed me the letter from UW. My heart pounded so hard I thought it might bruise my ribs. My brain swam with the possibilities of what that letter might contain. Maybe my dream was still intact.

Nervously, I told him to open it. Jasper got the letter from his bag and fingered the envelope, turning it over a few times. It took him a few minutes before he finally put his thumb under the tab. Looking at me, he swallowed.

"You can do it."

Our hearts raced in tandem as he pulled the letter out and unfolded it.

Dear Jasper,

We are pleased to inform you that after great review of your academic career, we would like to offer you admittance to the University of Washington for the fall of 2011. We are excited you have decided to further your education and know that you will find our university the best choice for you. Enclosed please find the necessary forms to be signed and returned to us to hold your place for the upcoming semester…

My boy had done it, he got in.

Wrapping my arms around him, I crushed his shaking body to me. "You did it, love. You got in."

"I got in. Oh my God, I got in," he said disbelievingly.

Lifting his head, I captured his mouth in a deep, intense kiss. Our tongues darting around while his hand fisted my hair and he angled his head to let me have more of him. Everything was right, he had gotten in. We would be together at UW. All my worrying earlier had been for nothing. Then I remember the money…and more importantly, the running.

Breaking the kiss, I asked him if the letter mentioned a scholarship. Still breathing heavily, he silently read it over and I could tell by the look on his face, there was no mention.

"Fuck," I sighed.

Jasper tried to tell me it didn't matter, but it did. He glared at me. "Schematics," he argued. "I'm sure they have a running club I could do. As for paying, loans aren't a big deal, I'll be able to-"

No, it was all wrong. He was supposed to go for free, he was supposed to run.

Reaching up, I slammed my palm over his mouth. "Jasper, I can't do it. I won't let you give up OSU. If you had gotten a scholarship to UW and could run for them, sure, but not like this. You have to go to OSU."

Saying it aloud made it more real. The tear sliding down his face told me he knew I was right. Pulling my hand away, I brushed my lips over his. I needed him to be strong for us because I was a heartbeat away from agreeing with him.

"You still don't want me to go to UW," he sighed.

It wasn't that at all. I wanted him at UW, but only if he had the same opportunities as OSU, and he wouldn't. Instead of him following me, I was going to follow him. I needed him to sign those papers. Putting the UW letter on the bed, he pulled out a paper from the other envelope. I scanned the letter, smiling when I saw the words "full scholarship".

"I'm so fucking proud of you."

With Jasper on my lap, I pushed over to my desk and handed him a pen and a book. The pen hovered over the signature line.

He was so beautiful, so fucking perfect. I couldn't imagine not waking up to his face every day like we'd planned for the past two years. I didn't want to wake up with some strange roommate, I wanted Jasper. He stared at me, searching for doubt. He wasn't going to find any. As terrified as I was, this was how it was supposed to be.

"I'm sure," I whispered, taking his hand in mine. "This is the right thing."

His hand shook as he signed his name on the line. Once he finished the date, I swept my lips over his. "I love you."

"I love you too," he sighed.

He was scared , so was I.

Picking up his UW acceptance letter, I read it over again before folding it up and putting it away.

It was done.

Jasper was going to OSU, and hopefully, I was too.

"Let's get into bed and we can do my scholarship application."

"Ya know you say all those words but I didn't hear anything after 'bed'."

Shaking my head, I shoved him off me and moved to my bed. I took my jeans off, letting them fall to the floor, and went to reach for my pajamas. Jasper dropped between my legs and began putting my pants on for me, asking if I'd had anymore spasms. When I told him I hadn't seen Emmett since Monday, he stood up and began to knead my left thigh.

"How do you know how to do that? You've researched it, haven't you?"

His answer was full of sadness and resignation. "I wanted to know how to take care of you when we lived together."

He continued to massage both my legs from hip to foot, pulling my pants up once he was done. A few minutes later, he was helping me fill in the scholarship application for Mr. Harter. I wanted his help on the other one too, but the OSU logo in the top corner would have given it away. Stuffing the finished paper in my bag, I rolled onto my side and looked at him. Immediately, I was on my back and he was on top of me, our hands clasped over my head.

"Hey," I breathed.

"Hey," he returned, running his nose along my cheek.

Moaning, I tilted my head and shivered when he sucked on my skin, warning him and chuckling when he said I was his dessert. We talked as he held my hands, moved on me, and then whispered in my ears.

"I want you to suck me."

"Then put your dick in my mouth," I murmured.

Within seconds, he was stripped and lying naked on me. Holding him above me, I craned my neck and lifted my head to lavish his nipples into tight buds. When I suggested he turn around, he responded eagerly, trembling as he lowered his cock until it was resting against my lips. He panted for breath when I began to run my tongue around his entrance and slurped one of his heavy balls into my mouth. Constantly teasing his hole with my fingers, I released his balls and moved so his cock slid into my mouth. I wet my index finger and eased it deep inside him. A few short thrust of his hips later, he came. His warm, salty seed filled my mouth and I swallowed around him as he jerked above me until he was spent.

"Babe, wanna suck you so bad…please."

As much as he wanted to do it, I was still nervous. The thought made my stomach clench for so many reasons. His cock fell from my mouth. "I…"

"I know you're scared. How about a lick, just one, I promise."

"Just one."

My eyes were closed and I felt nothing, I wasn't even sure he was touching me until I opened my eyes and looked down to see his tongue swirling around the ridge of my limp cock. Instantly, I tugged on his hips to stop him. We kissed again, sharing his essence between us. Just when my fingers grazed over his ass, he broke the kiss and reached for his clothes. He told me he wanted to get up early and run. When I asked to go with him, he dragged the reason why out of me in only the way Jasper could. I had to tell him I was nervous about the game, about showing my legs, about fucking up and not being what they all expected. He soothed my fears, promising everything would be okay. While Jasper ran to the bathroom, I shifted until I was lying on my pillows. He returned and coiled his body to mine. Sleep came to us swiftly.

It was so loud I could barely hear the announcer as he called the start of the race. My eyes were focused on one runner in particular, standing tall in lane two waiting for the gun. I unconsciously leaned forward with him as the gun went off and he bolted from the starting line. Unlike at Forks High, I was able to wheel the chair up a ramp on the bleachers to watch his race unobstructed.

Behind me hundreds and hundreds of people were hollering and applauding. When I glanced over my shoulder, all I saw was a sea of black and orange. The school colors matched Jasper's uniform Jasper and the tee shirt I was wearing. The runners reached the second turn and Jasper was exactly where he wanted to be. As the racers approached the grandstands, I started yelling and clapping as loudly as I could.

It was barely visible, and unless someone had seen him run a thousand times they probably missed it, but I saw it. The determination that suddenly filled Jasper's stride, his arms moved slightly faster as he readied for his final kick at the last corner. Sure enough, half a dozen strides later, Jasper was passing the two people in front of him, and by the time they exited the final turn, Jasper was pulling away.

Screaming, I cheered him on.

Watching him run didn't hurt like it used to. There was still a twinge of ache in my chest with each step he took, but it was accompanied by so much pride that I barely felt it. Jasper might be able to run like the wind, but I was working on my own thing and maybe in time I could at least stand next to him.

He crossed the finish line, his hands going behind his head as he gulped in air. Backing my chair up, I made my way down the ramp to the gate where he would exit. I waited there as he walked through the crowd of athletes to me. Once blue met green, every sound around us faded away. I heard his breaths and his heartbeat, but nothing else.

"Hey, love," I smiled, tilting my head up when he stopped in front of me. "Awesome race."

"Thanks, baby," he murmured before fingering my hair and leaning down to place a sweet kiss on my lips. "I could hear you screaming my name."

"That must have been your other boyfriend," I teased.

"Oh, right. I forgot he was coming. I was thinking of inviting him to our place tonight, maybe a little threesome action," he teased right back.

"I'm all for it," I shrugged. "As long as I get some one on one later."

"Always," he promised. "I've got one more race, then I'm yours."

"Good because I want to fuck you senseless," I said boldly, proud of the blush that tainted his cheeks. "We're celebrating tonight. No mac and cheese. Tonight, we get pizza."

"Take out or frozen?"

"Take out."

"Mmm, baby, you do know the way to my heart," he laughed and kissed me again. "Meet me here with my other boyfriend after the race. Dinner is on him."

I was still laughing as he walked back out onto the track. Back in the bleachers, I watched his race, cheering him on as loudly as before. Regardless of my support, Jasper didn't win, but he did come in a respectable third against older runners. By the time I made it down the ramp, he was already there waiting for me. I could see the disappointment on his face and reached up and took his hand with mine.

"You did awesome," I said.

He shook his head. "I lost. I should have at least had second," he growled, looking toward the track through squinty eyes.

"You hardly lost. They're older, they've been running longer," I reasoned, squeezing his hand. Sighing, he dragged his eyes back to me.

"Can't you let me wallow for a few minutes?" he chuckled.

"Nope. This is a no wallowing zone." With my other hand, I gripped the wheel of my chair. "Come on, we've got a pizza to order and ESPN to watch."

At our apartment, I called in the pizza while Jasper took a quick shower. By the time he got out, I had sodas on the table and some cookies he'd baked for a marathon study session I'd had the night before. Dressed only in shorts, he plopped down on the couch, stretching out and putting his head in my lap. I stroked his hair while we talked and watched television. The knock on the door roused him and he answered it, paying for our pizza. Then he grabbed some napkins and brought the pizza over to me. We ate and debated over the upcoming NBA playoff game.

Hours later, Jasper carried me to bed and stripped off my clothes. With a nightly hunger in his eyes, he crawled up my body, lying and writhing on me until neither of us could wait any longer. He quickly readied himself while I stroked my cock and watched him. His hand took mine as he impaled himself completely on my bare cock, the pleasure that crossed his face immeasurable. Leaning forward, his mouth was everywhere on me, pulling on my nipple rings, my hair, my ears, and my neck as he sucked and marked me at will until I felt the orgasm I had grown used to wash through me. They were weaker than the ones I remembered from before the accident, but it didn't matter when I looked up into his eyes and saw how much pleasure my excitement gave him. He rode me with abandon until he was grunting and calling my name and coming over my chest.

Collapsing on me, he licked me clean before rolling to the side. I wrapped an arm around him and pulled him even closer.

"This is perfect," he sighed. "I could stay here forever."

"Hmm, we might get hungry at some point. Might miss showering too," I laughed.

"How about I could stay in this apartment forever with you?"

"That'll do, but you know it doesn't matter, Jas."

Unable to resist, his tongue darted out and flicked the silver ring through my nipple. "What doesn't matter?"

"Our location. It doesn't matter where we are because wherever you are-"

"Is where I'll be," he finished.

Of course he finished my sentence, because it was just how we worked. Kissing his forehead, I closed my eyes.

"Love you," I whispered before yawning and glancing at the corner of the room. Against the table of medical supplies leaned the braces and crutches I used for walking. It was still difficult, but I could walk across a room with them on and Jasper holding me. He promised me that someday, I would do it on my own.

"Love you too," he murmured before snuggling impossibly closer. With his head over my heart and my arm around his back, we fell asleep. Just like every other night.

Perfect and in love and together. Just like it should be.

Except for the slight beam of moonlight through the curtains on the window, the room was completely dark when I opened my eyes. Remnants from the dream still coursed through me when I touched my nipple, almost expecting to feel a ring. The snickering in the corner was faint, but I heard it. Refusing to look at it, I stared at the window, forcing my thoughts away from my fears about the game. Instead, I thought about the dream I'd had. Jasper and I were together at OSU. He was running for them and working hard to find a way for me to walk.

But it had just been a dream.

It wasn't reality. I probably wasn't going to walk even with braces, and I hadn't even gotten into OSU yet. Refusing to look at it, I felt the darkness edging slightly closer and knew with a few more negative thoughts it would be hovering at the bottom of my bed waiting to pounce. I kept my eyes averted as my mind raced between the dream and reality, and the upcoming game.

Suddenly it stopped. The snickering was gone, and when I dared a glance to the corner, I found it empty. Next to me, draped over my body, Jasper trembled and then moaned. He stilled for only a second, then began shaking and moaning some more. Blue eyes finally blinked open and darted around my room.

"You okay?" I asked him sleepily.

"Yeah. Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," he apologized, running his fingers down my arm.

"You didn't. I've been awake for awhile. That must have been some dream. You were twitching and moaning like mad."

"Really?" He nodded. "It was pretty cool…we were at OSU together. At a track meet, then we went home to our apartment."

My heart skipped a beat. It was impossible. There was no way he could have known what I had dreamt. Before I could wonder what it meant, he asked why I was awake and I told him the truth. In typical Jasper manner, he promised that none of my fears would become reality.

"I just wish..."

I could walk. I could run. I could be normal.

"What?"

"I don't know. That I had more time? That I wasn't starting? That they didn't know who I was before I was this way?"

Maybe if the expectations were lower, I would be less nervous. The team was expecting a superstar, they were expecting me to be their secret weapon, and I wasn't sure I could be.

Then there was the dream I'd had. Jasper and I at an OSU track meet. Obviously we were going to there and living together. Was my dream nothing more than my graduation dream, an unattainable fantasy that would forever remain in my nightly dreams, or did it mean something more? There were so many what ifs in our lives right now. It seems everything hung in the balance of something else. Everything except our love for each other, that remained unwavering, something I could count on being there no matter what.

Before I could say anything else, Jasper was climbing off the bed and telling me to get up. Next thing I knew, I was coasting down the ramp outside.

"Jasper?" I called out in a quiet whisper. He reappeared from under a half opened garage door with my basketball. "You want to play now?"

"You said you wanted more time. No sense wasting it lying in bed when you could be out here practicing," he said convincingly.

"You are insane, you know that, right?"

"It's one of the many things you love about me. So, what do say? A little one on one, babe?"

He wanted to play basketball. At two in the morning. It had to have been one of the craziest things we'd ever done, but as I looked up at him standing there with a hopeful look and holding the basketball, I felt anything but crazy. I felt loved and grateful he was in my life, crazy or not.

As soon as I smiled, he tossed me the ball.

Jasper didn't go easy on me. He guarded me as toughly as he would have if I was standing eye level with him. He blocked a few of my shots, ran into my chair, and shoved me out of the way when he was on offense. The competitive nature in us came out, and wheelchair or not, he was out to win. I didn't want to tell him he didn't have a chance in hell. Besides, he was too cute when he made a basket, giving me a different victory dance each time. Being out there with him gave me extra practice on dribbling with someone on me trying to steal the ball. His long arms would reach for it and I had to react quickly to protect the ball. Part of me hoped that if I could keep it away from an able bodied person, I could keep it away from someone in a wheelchair.

Jasper had the ball. I watched his feet as he dribbled, debating on left or right. Decision made, he stepped left, and just as I moved to block him, he stepped back and shot a fade away. The ball went through the basket and Jasper broke into a running man dance.

"Who da' man?"

"That makes it what? Twenty to ten?"

"Wow, way to bring a guy down, babe. That hurt," he feigned pain. Going back out the arc unguarded, I shot and it went in. "Why were you worried again?"

Jasper rebounded the ball and returned to me. When I looked up at him the spark that was between us, the chemistry, the fire, whatever you want to call it, suddenly ignited. I was vaguely aware that he dropped the ball as he took the few steps separating us, stopping when his legs were against my feet. Reaching down, he took my hand from the wheel and climbed onto my lap. It was something that was becoming habit, him sitting on my lap. I think he was in my lap as much as I was in his arms when he lifted me. He asked if it was okay we were sitting like that in public.

Coming out scared me. A lot. But I thought less and less about it. My focus had shifted from coming out to just wanting to be with Jasper. I still actively hid our true relationship, but there were things that were more important than whether or not people knew we were in love. At the moment, letting Jasper sit on my lap and kiss me was one of those things.

The ever stubborn Jasper tried to tell me that doing stuff like middle of the night one on one basketball games was why we needed to be together next year. Before I could reply, he drew me in for a lingering kiss, sucking firmly on my bottom lip. My mind was hazy when he pulled away.

"Don't you know?" I asked him.

"Know what?"

I thought back to the dream, the one that we had apparently shared in our sleep. "Jas, it doesn't matter if you're in Forks or Seattle or at OSU, wherever you are-"

"Is where I'll be…" he finished quietly. I knew he was going to fill in the words I was going to say, I don't know how, but I knew.

"Exactly. With us, distance doesn't matter. All in, remember?"

"All in," he promised. "All in forever."

"Forever," I repeated before leaning toward him for another kiss. His lips were soft and plump and wet from my tongue running over them. Blunt nails dug into my forearm as he tilted his head and deepened the kiss. I felt the tugging on my hair as he tangled his hand in a desperate need to be even closer. Panting, he tore his lips away and just stared at me.

His blue eyes never looked more brilliant as they did in the moonlit driveway. Under the blanket of stars in the cool of the night air, we gazed at each other silently. I didn't wonder what he was thinking about, I already knew. I knew because I was thinking the same things.

How is it possible to feel this way about someone? Is it healthy? Would it always be like this? So intense and amazing?

"Yes," I mumbled an answer to his unasked questions. The corner of his lips curved up a little and he shook his head.

"We should probably go back inside, huh?"

"Yeah," I sighed, although I was content to just stay there until the sun rose. I wheeled us up the ramp and opened the door. Inside, Jasper got off my lap and tiptoed down to my room. We didn't even bother taking off our shoes, we just crawled into bed and resumed our position from before.

"**~~**"

"Down to the end and back?" Jasper asked as he stretched his hamstrings on my front steps. I was rocking my chair back and forth, my gloved hands gripping the handrims while I waited.

When Jasper's alarm had gone off, I woke up finding it hard to breathe. As I blindly reached for his phone on my table, I realized why my chest felt so heavy.

Jasper 's body was completely draped over me, his face burrowed in the crook of my neck as his snores grazed my skin like I was his own personal warm, live mattress. Nudging his side a few times, I woke him up and couldn't help but smile when he stretched like a cat and then snuggled back into me. I swear he even purred in contentment. It was a few minutes later I was actually able to get him to open his eyes and move off me.

While he used the bathroom upstairs, I used the one across the hall from my room. There were dark circles under both our eyes from the lack of sleep, but the cost was worth it as we shared one more secret between us, pulling us even closer together.

"That's only a mile, I thought you wanted to go longer?" I asked him.

"Babe, you have a game later. You're going to be going up and down a court for an hour, I'm not letting you go seven miles with me. You can't possibly have that much nervous energy to burn off."

"But-"

"We're going a mile. I'll run later after the game," he said with a definite end to the debate.

"Fine," I grumbled following him to the end of the driveway.

"Usual prize?" he asked as he twisted his torso side to side. My heart flipped that he was not going to go easy on me. Just like the basketball game the night before, Jasper was racing to win.

"Yep." I nodded curtly. "But we can do it until tomorrow."

Jasper smirked as he motioned he was ready and we moved to the street. It was cloudy but there was no rain as he stepped into a slow jog. I pushed along next to him, keeping even with him as he tried to judge the speed of the chair. There were early morning spring sounds around us, birds chirping, dogs barking, a few people outside as they retrieved their newspapers. Then there was the sound of Jasper's feet hitting the ground. A sound I'd heard hundreds of times, but there was something missing. It took me a few minutes to realize the missing sound was that of my own feet. It was the first time I'd 'run' with Jasper since the accident.

With the exception of one hill, the road was pretty level and the increase of muscle in my upper body allowed me to do about two pushes for every four strides of Jasper. Beside me, Jasper kept an even pace, his strides long and sound as he ran with his head up and looking ahead. His was no more out of breath than I was.

I'd always been amazed at Jasper's ability to run distances, but seeing his legs up close, watching the way his feet slapped the pavement, the way his calf muscles propelled him forward, the way his thighs bulged with each stride was even more impressive. He was so strong. As Jasper increased the speed, I matched it easily.

"Okay?" he asked me without looking at me.

"I'm good," I said, only just starting to get slightly out of breath. As we reached the turnaround point, Jasper glanced over his shoulder to make sure the road was clear before we crossed it and headed back toward my house.

"I can't wait to suck you off tomorrow," he said, looking down at me.

I shook my head. "Your distraction technique isn't going to work this time, love. I'm going to kick your ass," I huffed.

He laughed and increased his pace. We reached the bottom of the hill and I knew he was going to have an advantage going up and be able to pull away. A burn grew in my biceps as I gripped the wheel and slid my hands down it, repeating the motion over and over. My breaths got heavier, but I kept going. Next to me, Jasper looked like he was barely working and he was putting distance between us.

"Fuck," I growled. Determined to not let him win, I pushed faster. I just had to make it to the top of the hill, then it would be easier. At the crest, Jasper was about four strides in front of me, but as soon as we made it over the top, the chair began to speed up. I caught up to him easily and began passing him with a few surges forward.

"That's cheating," he called out from behind me as I coasted down the hill an increasing speed. My arms couldn't even keep up with how fast the chair was going, so I just tucked my upper body low to cut back on the wide and coasted down the hill. The wind blew through my hair, cooling me off, and for a few seconds I almost forgot I was in a chair. It was freeing. My house was in sight, and I had the win within my grasp, I just had to last another few hundred yards. I could hear him behind me as he ran faster to try to catch me. I reached the bottom of the hill and began pushing again, glancing behind me to see how far back he was.

He was gaining ground.

Putting everything I had into it, I gripped and pushed, gripped and pushed, willing myself to go faster. Tears from the wind rolled down my face, but I didn't take the time to swipe them away. Before I realized it, Jasper was only a stride or two behind me.

Only it wasn't just the sound of his feet I heard. There was something else, something familiar.

Jasper was singing.

So many times, it happens too fast
You change your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

Laughter bubbled out of me in panting gasps. My arms burned like hell and I was out of breath, but it felt great. His breathless singing continued as we battled it out until we reached my house where Jasper leapt over the sidewalk and into my yard while I had to go up the driveway.

"Totally not fair," I bitched at him as he lay flat on my lawn, his chest heaving for breath.

"Oh? And coasting downhill was?"

"Not like I had a choice," I countered.

"True," he said, lifting his head and raising himself to his elbows. "Call it a tie?"

"Until we can have a rematch," I agreed. "Ready to shower and get some breakfast?"

He bolted to his feet. Nothing made Jasper move like the promise of food or sex. "If it's okay, I want to leave early for the game today. I'll text Bella and let her know."

"Sure, why?"

"You'll see." He headed toward the door, taking the steps to my house in one leap. "Now about food…"

"**~~**"

"Are you sure you have everything?" My mother asked me for the tenth time.

"Yes, Mom, I'm all set," I sighed. Jasper was waiting by the door, my duffle bag slung over his shoulder and he smiled at me from behind her.

"I packed you some brownies, I gave them to Jasper," she said, kissing my forehead.

"Okay, thanks. I'll see you and dad there."

I pushed past her to Jasper and he opened the door and said goodbye to my mom as I rolled down the ramp to his truck. After I was in the cab, he put my chair in the back and slid behind the wheel. My mother stood on the porch watching us as Jasper backed out the truck. I remained on my side, gripping the handle on the door as I tried to wave calmly to my mother. Jasper drove down the street about half a mile before he pulled over.

"Do you want to ride next to me to Bella's?"

"Yes, but I should probably stay here in case she's outside or something."

Nodding, he checked his mirror and pulled back onto the street. His right hand left the wheel and he reached for mine. My racing heart slowed as soon as his fingers laced with mine.

We had showered after the run earlier, although Jasper pouted when I insisted we do it separately. When we were done, he met me in my room, licking his lips when I entered with nothing but a towel over my lap. Before I could go to my dresser, he stopped me. Already dressed in jeans and tee shirt, he told me to move to the bed.

"We don't have time for that," I smiled but he shook his head.

"Not that," he said.

Once I was on the bed, he had me lay face down and then he began the most fantastic massage. His strong hands griped the muscles in my shoulders, arms, and back as he quickly worked his way from one side to the other. Relaxed and tired from the race, I closed my eyes and enjoyed his skillful touch.

"I thought you could use this before the game," he mumbled as he kneaded my back. I just moaned in response. As soon as he was done, he let me up and handed me my game uniform. I put on my briefs and the uniform tank top before taking the shorts from his hand. Biting my lip, I looked up at him.

"Your legs are beautiful, babe," he murmured. Sighing, I put on the shorts before covering them with the warm-up pants I had. We grabbed bagels with cream cheese and some orange juice before gathering our stuff for the game.

It was a good thing we stayed apart in the truck because as Jasper pulled into Bella's driveway, she stood from the front steps and jogged over. Jasper got out and held his door open for her as she climbed in. She greeted me with a big smile and hello as she settled into the middle seat, she practically bounced around as Jasper backed out of her driveway.

"Oh my God, this is so exciting. Aren't you excited?" she asked, looking back and forth between Jasper and me.

"We are," Jasper said. My heart was thundering and I fisted my hand on my lap as I stared out the window, following the same routine I did when I was in a car with my mother.

"Who are you playing?"

"Seattle Sonics," Jasper supplied. "They're pretty good, but not as good as Edward's team. What's new with you, Bella?"

It wasn't like Jasper to make small talk with her, at least not without being forced, but he was trying to keep her focus on him and not my panicking. If she was busy answering his questions, she might not notice I looked like I was going to be sick. Bella sat slightly closer to me than Jasper, but she looked at him or out the front windshield as she spoke. I was tempted to take her hand, to see if that might help ease my fear, but I knew it wouldn't. Jasper's touch was the only one that could make me calm me.

They continued to chatter the entire way, and while I answered some of the questions asked, I mostly stared out the window and focused on breathing. Jasper glanced over at me worriedly often, catching my eyes a few times. A short silence hovered in the cab and Bella leaned forward to change the radio station but Jasper slapped her hand away.

"We listen to The Beatles in here," he scolded her.

She chuckled and looked at me. "Is he as big a fan as you are? I remember when we were dating you never listened to anything else. It was adorable." Her words were innocent but Jasper cringed at her memory.

"Yeah, he's a pretty big fan," I replied quietly. The muscles that had been so relaxed after Jasper's massage were tense and stiffening up. "He likes all kinds of music. Even eighties."

Turning to Jasper, she asked, "Eighties? Really?"

"Got a problem with that?" he said gruffly and she shrugged.

"No, just always pictured you more as the classic rock kind of guy."

"I'm just full of surprises," Jasper deadpanned. I almost smiled.

Their music debate continued until it was heated with friendly teasing. On more than one occasion I wanted to tell Jasper to pull over so I could switch places with Bella, but I managed to make it all the way to Port Angeles. Once we were off the highway, I relaxed a little and exhaled a long breath when Jasper finally shifted into park. Jasper and Bella got out of his side and I waited while Jasper crawled in the back and grabbed my chair. Bella stood to the side while Jasper opened my door and reached for me. His eyes meet mine and an entire conversation was silently spoken in seconds.

"You okay, babe?"

"Yeah."

"Her chatter drives me nuts."

"I know, she's just excited."

He rolled his eyes as he slid an arm under my knees and lifted me out of the truck. Lowering me into the chair, Jasper grabbed my duffle bag from the floor of the cab. As I spun the chair around, I realized we were the only ones there. Bella grinned at me while Jasper closed the door and locked the truck. I led the way up the ramp and into the building, surprised to find it was unlocked. The corridor inside was dark and quiet except for the sound of their footsteps and the wheels as we headed toward the gym.

"Wow, this is really nice," Bella said as we entered. "It's huge."

The skylights in the ceiling lit up the dark court enough to see. Bella wondered toward the end of the court. Jasper took my bag off his shoulder and unzipped it, pulling out my basketball.

"Go shoot," he smiled, handing it to me and motioning to the basket.

That's why we were early. He remembered I liked to shoot alone for awhile before my games. There was a slight ache in my chest as it swelled with all that was Jasper. Holding the ball, I looked up at him. "You remembered?"

"Course," he scoffed as the ridiculous question.

I pushed forward, but rolled to a stop and looked over my shoulder at him. "Rebound for me?"

"Thought you'd never ask."

Bella leaned against the wall watching us as I went through my pregame routine shooting from specific spots in an order. Jasper was familiar with it, he knew exactly what I needed to do and he anticipated my actions. Other than asking a few questions and telling me I was shooting really well, Bella was quiet as she studied us. To my relief, my shots were sailing through the net with ease and I began to feel slightly less nauseas. Jasper loped over to the ball and passed it back to me.

"Ten minutes," he said, letting me know the time left until the others were due to start showing up. Nodding, I shot two more shots and then stopped. Jasper walked over, dribbling the ball next to him.

"Good?"

"Yeah, I think so." Looking up at him, I whispered, "Thanks to you."

"I didn't make the baskets," he grinned.

My fingers twitched with the need to reach out and take his hand, to curl mine around his and hold it, even if only for a few seconds. To prevent myself from doing just that, I gripped the wheels tighter. My gaze fell from his eyes to his clenching hands by his side. He was fighting the same urge.

"Hey, Cullen," a voice called out from the entrance. "You're here early." Riley wheeled over to me wearing his team uniform and trademark smile. "What's up, Jasper?"

"Not much. Ready for the game?"

"Damn right," Riley grinned. "How about you, Cullen? You ready?"

"I hope so," I answered quietly. Suddenly the overhead lights flickered to life and I looked over and saw Sam by the doors.

"Hey guys," he waved.

"I'm going to take Bella and find a seat," Jasper said softly. Riley pushed his way toward Sam and Jasper looked at me. "You can do this, babe. Just use your mad Cullen skills."

My superhero's job was done, as least for awhile.

Spinning the chair, I went over the bench where Sam and Riley were and set my bag on the floor. Leah and Jared arrived a few minutes later, followed closely by Paul, Quin, Brady, and Collin. Sam opened his ball bag and gave us a few basketballs to warm up with. Riley called out the drill and we all took our positions. For the moment, Jasper was sprawled out on the bleachers with Bella next to him, her arms wrapped around her knees as she watched. Sometimes when I would look over, I saw them talking, other times they were quiet. We had just finished our first drill when the other team started filing in. I watched the players push across the court. My chair was bumped and I looked at Riley, the wheels of his chair against mine.

"They're huge," I whispered. Riley glanced at them, but quickly brought his eyes back to me.

"Size doesn't matter much in chairball, you know that. Besides, we've got you," he said with a wink.

Sighing, I rejoined the drill, but I couldn't help stop myself from occasionally look at other team as they ran their drills. People began to enter the gym and fill up the bleachers. We were in the middle of a layup drill when I saw my parents and Alice walked in. My mom and Alice waved to me and my dad smiled as he directed my mother toward the stands and Jasper.

The sounds in the gym were the same as any other basketball game; dribbling balls, coaches calling out to their team, players talking to each other, but there was one sound noticeably missing.

Feet.

There were no feet hitting the floor, no sneakers squeaking on the parquet, no slapping of rubber soles as players ran.

Each time I checked the other team and saw them make a hard shot or dribble with no problem, my nerves increased.

"You're going to do fine," Riley said, placing his hand on my forearm. "Don't worry."

"I'm trying not to, but I don't want to let you guys down," I confessed.

"Impossible," he chuckled. "C'mon, let's get these guys ready."

We finished the drill and went back to the bench. In the time we'd been warming up, the bleachers had filled about halfway and the referees had arrived and were standing by the officials table. I was surprised to find they weren't in wheelchairs.

Everyone took off their warm-up jerseys, and I noticed a white C on the top corner of Riley's tank top representing his captain status as he began unsnapping the shiny nylon pants covering his legs. Chewing on my lip, I reached down to my feet to grab the snaps and started undoing them, working up my legs to my waist. Shifting in the chair, I slid the pants off and tossed them onto my bag, purposely not looking down at my pale legs sticking out uselessly from the maroon shorts.

Riley went to center court with the other captain and shook the official's hands. After Riley rejoined us, the national anthem played and everyone stood. Everyone but the players. The announcer at the desk introduced the starting players on each team and the crowd applauded for each of us.

Before we went onto the court, Sam gathered us in a circle. "You guys got this. Just remember, have patience with the plays, and if you don't have a shot under the basket, pass it back out to Edward and let him shoot the three. They aren't expecting him, but as soon as they figure out what he can do, they will cover him heavier, which should open up one of you two under the basket. Team on three," Sam said as he put his hand in the middle. We all did the same as he counted down. "One, two, three, team!"

My heart raced when the refs called us out to the court. Grabbing the handrims, I looked across the gym to Jasper. Staring at me, he smiled. The movement of his lips was barely noticeable, but I saw it.

Love you.

Taking a deep breath, I nodded and made my way to the center of the court. The ref tossed the ball up and Riley and other team's center both stretched for it. Riley's fingertips brushed the bottom of the ball enough to send it in my direction. Reaching out, I snagged it and immediately looked down court. Just as she should have been, Leah was on her way to the basket. With a well time throw, the ball bounced in front of her and she caught it and made a layup. The cheers got louder in the stands and I let out a relieved breath. Backing up my chair, I went on defense, eyeing their point guard as he approached half court with the ball. Intently, I watched his hands as he called out a play. I went to go left with him but he stopped short and passed the ball to a teammate who made a shot.

"Damn it," I mumbled, catching the ball as Colin inbounded it to me.

Nervous and feeling clumsy, I dribbled down the court. It was a good thing they didn't challenge me because they probably could have stolen it. I called out a play and my teammates moved into position. The guy guarding me was smaller than their other players, but he was quick. He kept his distance, waiting for me to make a move. As soon as I did, he slammed his chair into mine, sending me rolling backwards as I passed the ball. Paul caught it and passed it to Riley, who made the shot. Relieved, I turned and went back on defense, determined to not let the guy get by me again. Spinning my chair, I waited for him, concentrating on his hands more closely than before. That time, I called it right and was able to reach up and block his pass, sending the ball into Colin's hands. He dribbled down court and scored a basket.

The other team scored on their next play and the ball was ours again. Sitting at the arc, I called out the play and watched my team move. The guy guarding Riley was good. He kept hitting Riley's chair, pushing Riley just out of reach of where he needed to be. I made the pass to him but he didn't have a shot. Glancing at the shot clock, I called for the ball and he passed it back. Reaching up, I took a shot and watched as the ball hit the rim and bounced out.

Defeated, I turned and went back up court.

Even though we were up by six points, I felt like I couldn't do anything right. Riley rolled up next to me.

"You're doing fine," he assured me. "Just take your time and don't worry so much."

He moved past me and guarded his player. When they missed a shot, we had a fast break and scored again. On our next offense, we ran a newer play and it worked except Colin missed the shot, but Riley rebounded and put it back up. His arm was slapped as he shot and the ref called a foul. Riley shot his foul shots and put us up by ten. On the next play, I was chasing down a player and someone slammed into me from the side, sending me off course. There was constant bumping of chairs, the sound of metal hitting metal filled the gym as players vied for position. I couldn't help but worry about tipping over. I knew it was part of the game, and I couldn't get much more hurt than I already was, but it was something I was paranoid about. So far only two people had been knocked over and they both pushed themselves upright and immediately got back into the game.

At the end of the first period, we were still up by eight. Sam called us over and we all guzzled water as he spoke to us.

"Things are going good. Edward, you're doing great, don't be afraid to keep shooting. Riley, keep getting fouled, they're calling them on that guy each time. I'm going to put Brady in and give Edward a rest, Jared, go in for Paul."

The next period started and I sat on the sidelines and watched. My eyes drifted to the stands where I saw my parents smiling proudly. Jasper was gnawing on the inside of his cheek as he stared at me. Bella was watching the game intently, occasionally tapping Jasper's arm to get his attention and ask him something. Never taking his eyes from me, he answered her. My gaze flickered to the game and I watched the teams go up and down the court, players calling out to each other, chairs hitting one another.

It was so different, and yet the same, as what I had done for so many years. I had yet to feel the calmness that came with the confidence I had for doing something I knew I could. Now I wasn't so sure anymore. Especially after missing my first shot. I hadn't attempted another since then. It was irrational, I knew that, but I couldn't help it, my nerves were getting the best of me. I had been worried I wouldn't live up their expectations, and it was coming true.

The second period ended with my team up by four, and the teams went to the ends of court. Sam held a whiteboard and went over a few changes he wanted to make. We all listened and then he let us go shoot. I wasn't surprised when I turned the chair and Jasper was standing in the corner waiting for me.

"I'll be right back," I said to Riley and headed toward Jasper. When I reached him, there was no hiding the frustration on my face.

Crouching, he looked at me. "What's going on, babe?"

I sighed heavily. "I don't know. I just can't shoot, or dribble, or do any fucking thing without fucking up."

"Bullshit. This is all in your head. You were shooting eighty percent before the game. You're letting your nerves get to you. You're your own worst enemy right now. It's not that the other team is better, because they're not."

He was right, I knew he was right, but it didn't solve the problem.

"Just let it go. Go out there, do your thing and don't give a shit. Pretend it's just you and me shooting in your driveway like last night. Remember? When you kicked my ass?"

"Yeah," I sighed again.

"You can do this, babe. I know you can. Just relax and have fun." He smiled as he stood. "Now I have to get back to Miss Chatterbox over there. Oh, and your legs look fucking hot."

I almost laughed. "Thanks, love."

"Good luck." Then he turned and walked back to the bleachers, using his long legs to make his way back to my parents and Bella. I rejoined my team on the court, already feeling slightly better.

The very first play of the third period, I had the ball at the top of the arc. Jasper called it my sweet spot, usually giggling when he said it because we both knew where my real sweet spot was…and it wasn't anywhere near a basketball court. I passed the ball to Leah, who made a nice pass to Riley. He didn't have a shot so he threw it back to me.

The gym grew dark except for the moonlight above me. A cool night breeze messed my hair and grazed my skin. Jasper's arms were everywhere trying to anticipate my shot. With one push the right, I was in the clear and heard him mumble 'fuck' as the ball left my hand. There were no wild cheers from fans when the ball sailed into the net, only Jasper's chuckle when he ran to rebound the ball. Each shot I took increased my confidence that Jasper was right. Maybe I could do this after all.

Before my guy could get on me, I took a breath and shot.

Just like in the movies it seemed the ball was in the air forever but it finally went through the net and the ref raised his hands for three points. It was the first three-pointer of the game. Riley high-fived me on our way down the court. The game picked up in intensity, I was bumped and shoved and pushed, but I managed to keep the ball in play and not lose it, although I thought I was going to a few times. I made two more three point shots in a row and their coach started yelling at his team.

"Somebody get on that guy!"

After my third three-pointer, I took a chance and glanced up at the bleachers. Jasper was beaming, his dimples deep on either side of his grin.

He just loved being right.

The third period ended with us up by seven. The other team had made some adjustments on their offense and began to score a little more. Still, they had no outside shooter. They began to double team me but it only freed up Riley and he was able to get some easy shots. Just like with every other game, there was some trash talking going on. I heard happy-go-lucky Riley swear at his man a few times when he got bumped too hard and didn't get called on the foul.

The fourth and final period began. Sam pulled me for the first few minutes to let me rest. Brady was better at dribbling than I was, but his shots were off and when there was only six minutes left, Sam called a timeout and the team came over. Everyone was sweaty and out of breath. Riley's shirt was sticking to every inch of him, and Colin's hair was slick with sweat. Sam gave us final instructions and put me back in the game.

"Let's do this," Riley said to me with his confident smile.

Colin tossed the ball in and I dribbled down the court. The guy guarding me reached up as I shot, but the arc on the ball was too high and it sailed over his reach and into the basket. The crowd clapped and whistled. One was especially louder than them all.

On defense, I was able to bump my player's chair and throw him off enough so he missed his shot. The game went back and forth until there was under a minute left and we were up by six. Each team had one possession left. My arms burned, my hands were cramping, and I had sweat dripping down my face. The game was ours as long as we didn't screw up. I read the other team's defense and called out a play. It was one Riley and I had practiced many times the day before. Like a well oiled machine, he moved around the players and ended up where he needed go, but his player was right with him. It wouldn't work. Catching his eyes and without saying a word, I told him to move. He spun his chair and went backdoor on his player. The ball was in his hands a second later and he made a layup.

The other team still had time for one last shot but they didn't even bother, they just threw the ball up the court.

We'd won.

Relieve, I smiled and looked at the bleachers, my eyes immediately falling on my boy. He was grinning proudly. Next to him, Bella was looking at him and then followed his gaze to me, giving me a shy smile and wave. Then Jasper said something to her and she nodded, but her eyes didn't leave me.

Sweaty, I joined my team and got into a line, one behind the other, and high fived the other team as we wheeled past each other. Sam was grinning as he hugged Riley and ruffled his hair, and then fist bumped everyone else. I was picking up my water when Sam came over to me.

"You are definitely our secret weapon," he laughed. "I knew they wouldn't have an answer for you. You did great, Edward."

"Thanks," I smiled, relieved. "I had fun, thanks for letting me on the team."

Riley spoke up. "Are you kidding? We're glad you're here. We're going all the way this year."

Everyone nodded and congratulated me on my first game and the team's win. I picked up my bag and began stuffing my things into it, keeping my water out. Setting my bag on my lap, I turned my chair and crossed the court for the bleachers. Jasper and Bella were standing next to my family. Before I even reached them, my mother came over to me and was hugging me, telling me how proud she was. My dad was behind her as soon as she let me go, he took her place and hugged me.

"How do you feel? Anything hurting?" he asked in his doctor voice when he straightened.

"No, my hands and arms are sore, but other than that, I'm okay."

"Good," he said with relief. He might have pretended to not be worried about me playing but deep down I knew he had been. "I assume you're riding home with Jasper and Bella?"

"Yeah."

"We'll see you at home then."

"Good game," Alice piped in. Always on the lookout for cute boys, her eyes were not on me but on my teammates, especially Riley and Brady.

"Okay, see you guys in awhile, thanks for coming," I said, and after one more hug, they followed the other people out the doors. When I looked back at Jasper, I found him shifting his weight back and forth nervously. His hands were shoved in his jean pockets and his head was dipped low but his eyes were raised, watching me through his lashes. He almost looked embarrassed.

Bella stepped forward and hugged me, crinkling her nose when she got a whiff of my sweaty body. "Congratulations, Edward."

"Thanks, Bella."

She smiled as she stood, running her fingertips over my shoulder and down my arm to my hand. "It was nice to see you play again. Tough sport too. I didn't expect it to be so physical."

"I guess there isn't much to lose," I shrugged. "They're hurt already."

Jasper was extraordinarily quiet for a after a game, and I knew seeing my sweaty body in a tank top and shorts was probably driving him insane. It must have been uncomfortable to sit next to Bella and hide his erection during the game. Then again, he didn't look aroused.

He looked…anxious.

"Hey."

"Hey," he returned. "Ready to go?"

"Sure."

As we made our way to the door, Riley came over. "Hey, guys. Great game, Edward. Sam is right, you're our secret weapon."

"Thanks," I smiled back at him. It was hard not to smile at Riley. His own was contagious…and directed at Bella. A blush covered her cheeks as she stared at Riley, the flick of his head and curling of his pink lips.

"Is this your girlfriend?" he asked.

"Umm…no, just a friend," I mumbled.

"You're a fool," Riley laughed.

"Bella this is Riley, our team captain. Riley, this is Bella," I introduced.

Riley put his hand out and Bella took it. "Nice to meet you."

"You too," she giggled. Apparently Jasper and I weren't the only ones that thought Riley was good looking.

"I hope to see you at more games."

"Definitely," she nodded.

"We should go. Good game, Riley, congrats on the win," Jasper said, pulling on an entirely smitten Bella.

"Bye, Riley," she purred as Jasper dragged her backwards.

"Bye, Bella," he chuckled before turning to me. "She's cute."

"Yeah, she is. I gotta go, I'll see you on Tuesday."

"You bet."

"Thanks again for yesterday, I think it helped a lot."

"My pleasure," he said, tilting his head and letting his hair fall over his deep blue eyes.

Swallowing, I pushed toward the door. Bella were already in the truck and Jasper was leaning against it when I arrived. I felt the tenseness in his body when he lifted me into the truck. Inside, Bella hit me with a ton of questions about Riley.

"Gesh, Bella, let me answer one before the next," I complained when she didn't slow down.

"She was like this all during the game. I kept telling her I didn't know anything about 'the super hot guy that Edward kept passing the ball to'," he mimicked her voice almost perfectly. She laughed and hit him, finally pulling a smile from his worried face.

The ride home was more difficult than the ride there. Without the distraction of the game, I was more aware of what was going on outside the truck, but Bella's questions forced me to focus on her and not the oncoming traffic. Jasper looked over at me a few times, making sure I was okay. Remembering the brownies, he had Bella get them from his bag and then she handed us each one, but I refused mine. The last thing I wanted to do was throw up in the truck with Bella there. My stomach remained in knots the entire ride home.

By the time Jasper pulled into Bella's driveway my nails had left permanent marks on my palms from fisting my hands. Jasper got out and waited for Bella to unbuckle. She gave me a kiss on my cheek and congratulated me again on the game before sliding across the seat and out of the truck. What she did next surprised me. Instead of just brushing by Jasper with a quick goodbye, she stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her. Glancing at me over her shoulder, he curved his arms around her waist and gave her a light squeeze. She must have said something to him, because his eyes closed and he nodded in response. She held him for a long few seconds before letting him go and giving him a smile and moving past him toward her house. Jasper climbed back in and buckled up, purposely ignoring my raised brow.

Something was up.

But I could tell by the look on his face, he wasn't going to willingly tell me.

"Jasper?" I prodded as he backed out.

He just shook his head, ending the conversation before it started. As soon as we were out of sight of Bella's, Jasper pulled over. He didn't have to say what he wanted. Undoing my buckle, I gladly dragged myself across the seat until I was pressed against him. When my palm flatted on his thigh, I felt him relax. My heart that had been pounding the entire way home finally slowed.

Silently he drove us back to my place.

After he shifted into park, I lifted my head from his shoulder. "Is it bad?"

"No," he answered, knowing exactly what I was referring to, but not telling me anything further.

"Will you tell me someday?"

"Someday," he agreed, then kissed my forehead.

I knew my boy, he would tell me sooner than later.

"Can you stay for dinner? My dad wants to celebrate. I'm going to see if he'll cook on the grill."

Jasper glanced at my house and sighed. "I want to, but I need to run and I promised my mom I'd be home tonight."

"You okay, love?"

He gave me a sweet smile. "Of course, just tired. You're probably tired too, huh?"

"Yeah, a little."

"You did awesome today, babe. I'm so proud of you," he whispered. "I knew you could do it."

"I did it because of you, last night, this morning."

"Nope, I'm not taking any credit. I didn't shoot any of those shots, you did," he countered with a shake of his head, the ends of his curls brushing over my cheek.

"But I was able to shoot them because of you." Before he could argue anymore, I asked, "What time tomorrow?"

"Seven," he grinned. "I want all day with you. Just you and me. No parents, no Bella, or Riley."

"Make it nine and you've got yourself a boyfriend for the day," I compromised.

"Deal. I'll be here at nine." Turning his head, he gave me a quick, innocent kiss before opening his door and getting the chair. "Be safe, baby."

"See ya, love." I watched as he got into the truck and pulled out. There was a storm hovering around my boy, and I was pretty sure I knew what it was, but I couldn't be sure until he told me.

I showered and changed into some sweatpants and tee shirt. It felt good to sit under the hot spray of the water and I let it run over my back and shoulders for a long time. I wished Jasper was in there with me to massage me like he had after the race that morning. My stomach still churned slightly with worry over what was bothering him. I hoped at the meadow, when it was just us, he would tell me.

My father easily agreed to grill some steaks. It'd been two days since I had applied to OSU and I had to tell him about it, let him know about the additional cost and the scholarship. While my mother was inside making a salad and vegetables to go with the steak, I offered to help my dad.

I joined my father on the patio. He was standing in front of the grill wearing his 'Chef of the Year' apron as he tossed the steaks on. Rolling to stop next to him, I watched the flames come up and dance around the edges of the steak.

"Jasper's not staying for dinner?" he asked, clearly surprised.

"Not tonight. He wants to go on a long run and he promised his mom he'd be home early tonight."

"I imagine he is probably pretty tired," he said, then glanced at me from the corner of his eyes. "You too."

"Yeah, the game was tiring."

"Actually," he cleared his throat, "I was referring to your late night one on one."

The lump in my dry throat was thick and large, and no matter how many times I tried to swallow, it wouldn't go away. How much had he seen? Had he just seen the basketball, or had he seen the kissing afterward? No matter how much I pretended to be okay with it, I wasn't ready to come out. I didn't want to be the gay cripple kid. I told myself being with Jasper was more important than anything, but when faced with the thought that my dad knew about us, I felt sick.

"Don't worry," he began, looking up at the kitchen window, "I won't tell your mother."

Tell her what? That her only son was gay? That the Cullen name was going to end with me? That her only hope for grandchildren was Alice? Of course, I asked him none of these questions. Instead, I stared at him blankly, hoping that the shock and fear on my face was somewhat hidden.

"Tell her what?" I finally choked out.

Flipping the steaks, he looked at me. "That you and Jasper were outside at two in the morning playing basketball. She'd be worried about you not sleeping, and waking the neighbors. I just happened to be up to use the bathroom and heard the ball bouncing."

Relief swept through me so fast I felt lightheaded. "I was nervous about the game and couldn't sleep. Jasper suggested we got play so I wouldn't be so nervous anymore," I explained in a shaky voice.

"Did it work?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Good, but let's try to keep the games to daylight hours, okay?"

"Sure." I watched him for a few minutes as he turned and checked the meat. "I need to tell you something."

"What's up?"

I debated on where to start. "I had a muscle spasm during PT on Monday," I began and his eyes narrowed a little, telling me he was familiar with what I was talking about. "It hurt, a lot. But Emmett massaged it away and then I was back to… back to feeling nothing. He explained what had happened."

"He told you they're normal?"

"Yeah. He told me what causes them. Jasper told me a lot about them too. He said it's a good sign because it means my spine isn't in shock anymore."

A slight smile crossed his lips and he nodded. "Jasper would be correct. It is a good sign, but I know that's not what you want to hear, is it?"

"I want to hear I'm going to walk again," I admitted softly.

He looked away for a second before bringing his eyes back to mine. They were glassy. "I know. And I wish I could tell you that for certain."

Lifting my chin, I announced, "I told Emmet I want to start using the parallel bars. Jasper said if I'm not in shock anymore, I can do more physical things."

"And what did Emmett say?"

"He said I could start them."

"Then I agree. When we have your checkup next week, we will tell Dr. Sullivan about the spasms and your PT progress. Have you had any more spasms?"

"No, just that one."

"Let me know if you do, if they get too severe there are meds we can put you on, but I don't think it will be necessary. You're very active, apparently even at two AM," he chuckled, "and that will help."

Staring at my lap, I tugged on my bottom lip, my heart still pounding from the thought of being discovered. "There's something else."

"Oh?"

"I applied to Oregon State University," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

There was no hiding his surprise when his eyes widened and his lips formed an 'o'. "What brought that on? I thought it was UW or nothing at all?"

Jasper.

I love him, Dad. He's my life.

Trying to act as casual as possible, I shrugged. "Jasper got accepted to OSU on a full scholarship for track-"

"He did?" He grinned proudly as if Jasper was his own son. "That's wonderful."

Suddenly, I worried that my dad would tell Jasper, and I had to stop him from mentioning it to Jasper. "He hasn't told anyone yet, so don't say anything to him, okay?"

"Sure, sure. I understand. So you applied to Oregon so you two could still go to college together?"

I nodded. "I checked them out, and they have both music education and piano instrumental for majors. They also have music scholarships, but I missed the deadline for them. I'm going to apply anyway, but I probably won't get anything. Is…is that okay?"

"That you applied there?"

"Yeah."

He tilted his head and stared at me for a few seconds before speaking. "Of course. Where you go to college is your choice, Edward, it always has been. If you want to go to Oregon, and they have your major, then I'll support that. Although we never toured the campus, I'm not even sure where it is."

"It's about six hours from here."

Something crossed his face, an acknowledgement or realization of some kind, and he smiled as if he had figured a puzzle out. "I see. That's pretty far. We'd have to set you up with a doctor and PT down there."

"Well, I have to get in first."

"I'm sure you will," he smiled. "I think this is a good idea, Edward. I like the thought of Jasper nearby in case anything happens. As long as you're sure this is what you want."

Without a doubt.

"It is. The problem is because they are out of state, it's going to cost more than UW," I said worriedly. "And if I don't get a music scholarship then…"

He put a hand up to stop me. "Let your mother and I figure that out. You just get into the college and we'll deal with the tuition when the time comes."

"It's just with all the medical bills, and now a more expensive college...it just seems like a lot," I sighed.

"We'll figure something out. Just keep me updated on the application, let me know how it goes."

"I will."

"Can you tell your mother these will be done in about five minutes?" he asked, flipping the meat one last time.

"Sure," I said, backing the chair up.

We ate dinner outside at the round table on the patio. The conversation centered on my game and Alice's questions about my teammates. It was a nice celebration dinner. The only thing missing was my boy. More than once, my eyes wandered to his empty chair.

After dinner, I helped clear the table and then went to my room. I transferred to my bed, bringing my laptop with me. I don't know why I did it, maybe it was too reassure myself that I had done the right thing, but I opened the OSU website again and read over all the information they had on their music program. Curious, I went back to the athletic pages and found a list of teams and clubs. I scanned through it, stopping about halfway down.

They had adaptive sports, including wheelchair basketball.

Excited, I clicked on the link that brought me to a webpage devoted to the team. There was a schedule and pictures of the team.

They had wheelchair basketball.

I kept repeating it over and over. Until the night of the accident, my life had been pretty easy with few bumps along the way, but since that night it seemed everything had gotten in my way. Sometimes literally.

Until now.

Now it looked like things might actually work out just like Jasper and I'd always imagined. I could play ball and study music, he could run and study PT, and most importantly, we could live together. Honestly, it felt too good to be true and it scared me. I held back my excitement, expecting something to go wrong, like not getting accepted. I had never been a pessimistic person, but when my easy life had suddenly become filled with catheters and ramps, my outlook had changed. Tempted to call Jasper and tell him everything, I bookmarked the site and closed the laptop.

I had just rolled over and was staring at the ceiling when my phone rang with Jasper's ringtone. He'd kill me if he knew I'd changed it to "Eye of the Tiger".

"So, I was thinking about tomorrow-"

"Of course you were."

"—and I think we should leave earlier."

"How early?"

"I'll be there at eight," he said.

"I'll be ready."

"I can't wait to be alone with you," he sighed.

"Me either," I agreed.

"So…"

"So…"

"Whatta wearing?"

Leave it to Jasper to take any and all fears I had and sweep them away with just two words. He had an uncanny sense of timing, and innate way of making me smile.

"I love you," I blurted.

"I was expecting sweatpants and a tee shirt, but I'll take it," he chuckled.

We spent the rest of the night on the phone. He even insisted I take him into the bathroom with me when I did my nightly routine. Once I was in bed, I turned onto my side so I could lay the phone on my ear while we talked and eventually we fell asleep together. It wasn't as good as having his body pressed to me, but it was the next best thing.

The chairs slammed into each other and the crowd applauded. I could barely hear my own teammates as they called for the ball. The other team was guarding us closely, their hands seemingly everywhere. Looking to my left, I saw an open man as he headed toward the basket. I bounced pass it to him, timing it perfectly, but his shot was off and the ball came back at him. I called for it and he lobbed it back out to me. As soon as I caught it, I shot and made it.

Backing my chair up, I glanced at the people in the stands. Without having to scan the crowd or guess where he was, my eyes immediately fell on him. He was smiling, leaning forward and cheering. I should have been concentrating on the game, but all I could think of was how hot he looked. At the other end of the court, the other team ran their play but fumbled a pass and it was intercepted by our wing player. He passed it up to me and I caught it, dribbling it effortlessly by my side as I pushed down the court and made an easy layup. The fans got even louder and I looked out at the sea of orange and black that surrounded Jasper.

The lead went back and forth right up until the last few seconds. I was at the arc with the ball waiting for my post player to get his spot. The other team's defense was good and they were covering my players well. Watching the shot clock, I knew I had to make a quick decision. I was sitting past the three point line, taking a shot would be risky, but if it went in, we would win.

Glancing to my side, I saw Jasper. He was alone. There was no one around him. He mouthed, "You can do it". Turning back to the basket, I raised the ball over my head, took a deep breath and shot.

It sailed through the air and into the basket.

The crowd rushed down onto the court, congratulating me as they neared, but it was Jasper I wanted to see.

"Told you," he smirked as he reached me.

"You know everything," I teased and he laughed. "Ready to head home?"

He nodded and followed me to the bench, waiting while I packed my bag with my team gear of a black warm up shirt and pants. Jasper followed me outside and down the ramp, stopping when people came to congratulate me.

"I think we need to celebrate," he said.

"Yeah?"

"Def. I think we should get some subs, watch a movie, and then have lots of sex."

"That sounds like a perfect night to me."

We reached the parking lot and I unlocked the van, waiting for the ramp to lower before pushing up it. I transferred to the driver's seat and started the van. Backing out of the space, I drove out of the lot and turned onto the street. At the sub shop a few miles away, Jasper hopped out and went inside to order.

At home, we went inside and I moved to the couch while Jasper got us some sodas and brownies he'd made. We spent the night watching a movie and spooning on the couch. Before it was too late, I went to take a shower, not refusing when Jasper offered his help, which usually consisted of him sitting on my lap and writhing while I soaped him up and jerked him off. Then he would turn around and work me with his lathered ass until I was rock hard and wanting in. He would apply a little lube to his hole before straddling and impaling himself on my cock. As I watched his pleasure, the pleasure I was giving him, I wanted nothing more than to feel how tight and hot I imagined he must be. He would tug on my nipple rings and suck on every inch of skin he could reach until I shuddered with a ghostgasm. Of course, my horny boy was hard again and while my cock was still buried in his ass, I jerked him off again. After his cum was rinsed from my chest, he carried me to bed, curled up into me and sang in my ear until I fell asleep.

"**~~**"

"Wow," I exclaimed as we breached the forest line and entered the sunny meadow. It was filled with tall grass and flowers of just about every color. Jasper used to joke and call it our very own strawberry fields, and even searched for a strawberry bush once, insisting there must be one there, but he'd never found it.

My chest was still heaving as I took in deep breaths. Unlike the last time we'd been there, I had pushed myself up the entire trail alone. Jasper had to move a few things out of my way and help out of a rut once but he never had to carry me.

I think he was disappointed.

Standing next to me dressed in jeans and an AC/DC shirt, he carried a backpack and small cooler. My own duffle bag was hanging on the back of the chair.

Jasper had shown up right at eight, almost bouncing with energy as he rushed me out of my room and to the truck. However instead of going directly to the trail, he'd taken me to a diner in town and bought me breakfast. While I was trying to decide what to order, he grinned and told me I'd better eat lots of protein because I was going to need my strength. He ate more than a humanly possible amount of pancakes and bacon while I had an omelet and home fries. We took our time eating, talking about the game the day before and gossiping about a few people that walked by. It was mid morning by the time we left.

Jasper inhaled the fresh scent of the grass and forest and flowers with a deep breath. "Smells so good. It's been too long."

"Yeah, it has."

"Our strawberry fields forever," he said, winking at me.

Stepping forward, he blazed a trail for me to follow, squishing down a path wide enough for the chair. The grass got tangled in the wheels a few times and I had to reach over and yank it out, but I eventually made it to the middle where Jasper was already slipping his bag off and pulling out the quilt he'd brought. Rolling to a stop, I waited until he spread the blanket out before tossing my bag on it. He came over to me and lifted me from the chair and sat me on the blanket. Sitting next to me, he pulled out his iHome, a sweatshirt, and a few comic books. After setting up his phone, he started my playlist and moved it to the edge of the blanket. Then he turned to me with a primal look in his eyes.

"Hey," he murmured right before his lips brushed over mine.

Every part of me that still worked shivered when his hand curled around my neck and into my hair, pulling me closer. No matter how many times I felt his tongue against mine, that I tasted his sweetness, or swallowed his moans, it would never get old. Each time we kissed was like the first time all over again, right down to the butterflies in my stomach. Though, sometimes not kissing Jasper was almost as hot. There was something about the anticipation of knowing what was coming that was such a turn on. Feeling his breath on my face, seeing his eyes darken, knowing his heart was racing like my own, it all excited me as much as the actual feel of his lips on mine. After a few long minutes of kissing, he pulled away and kissed along my jaw and down my neck.

"Finally, I get you alone. You're all mine today," he smiled against my skin.

"I'm all yours every day," I reminded him as he bit down. Running his tongue over the bite mark, he lifted his head.

"I brought a surprise for you," he said, reaching behind him for the comic books. "Lay down."

He bunched up his sweatshirt and handed it to me. Once I was lying down, Jasper lay on his back, using my hips as his pillow. He lifted the colorful book and began. I listened carefully to every single word that came out of his beautiful mouth about the Green Lantern and Sinestro. Jasper even did different voices for each character and held the book at an angle so I could see all the pages. He was very description with his fight sounds and when I giggled, his head would bounce with the movement. Reaching down, my fingers toyed with his hair, occasionally twisting and catching the waves as the wind blew them. Sometimes the wheat colored strands distracted me, but Jasper caught me each time, clearing his throat and bringing my attention back to the battle he was reading to me. The sun rose higher in the sky as Jasper continued to read the entire book, never wavering in his character voices.

Jasper was the dreamer, the romantic. It was always him that did these grand gestures. If he knew what I truly thought about us, if he knew that he was my star, my other half, my heart, he would probably blush and then laugh it off. I kept such embarrassing things to myself.

Mostly.

But there were sometimes when I would look at him, just look at him, and I knew he knew. He knew he was my everything. He would catch me staring at him, hold my gaze, his eyes filling with all the same stuff that was in mine before he would look away.

In those moments, those few seconds, my boy knew he was what made my life worth living.

When he finished, he sighed and put it down next to him. Turning his head to me, he squinted in the sun, one eye almost completely closed.

"Did you like it?"

"It was awesome," I smiled at him.

"Yeah?"

"It's like comic books are your version of reading romantic poetry," I chuckled.

"Graphic novels, babe," he chided.

I brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Ya know you don't have to woo me anymore. I'm kind of yours already."

He grinned. "Just want to be sure you stay that way."

"And reading graphic novels to me will do that?"

"That, and sucking your cock." I couldn't help but laugh. He rolled onto his side and stared at me. "Speaking of…."

The time had come. He really wanted to give me a blowjob even though I couldn't feel a thing.

"Was reading that your idea of foreplay?"

"It was like porn for geeks, didn't you see the guys in tight pants with huge bulges?" When I didn't speak, he sighed. "Babe, I want to do this, a fucking lot actually, but if you don't want to, if you want to wait, we can."

"You'd do that for me?" I swallowed thickly.

"Wait? Fuck yeah, of course. I'll wait as long as you want."

I ran my hand along his unshaven jaw and looked into eyes that matched the cloudless sky above us. "I'm just scared."

Shifting, he rose up a bit so he could study me easier. My hand never left his hair. "Of what?"

"Everything," I confessed shyly. "Not feeling you, you not liking it. Not getting hard…"

"You don't have to be hard for me to give you head, baby. And c'mon, me not like giving you a bj? That's just crazy. But I can understand about not feeling it. I can't even begin imagine what that's like. But…" He looked down at my crotch, then back to my eyes. "You remember, right? What it felt like?"

"Sometimes I think so, other times, I don't know."

Tilting his head, he judged my resolve. I could see him wondering just how much I didn't want to do this, how much he could push me before it was too far.

"How about we try it. If it bothers you, I'll stop." He wiggled his eyebrows. "And you can do me."

The stubborn streak that I both loved and hated in him reared its head. He wasn't going to give up trying. Sighing, I considered his offer before finally nodding. I'd never seen Jasper move so fast. Within a blink of an eye, my jeans were unbuttoned and unzipped and he was tugging them down my hips. Even with nerves churning my stomach, I laughed at his eagerness.

"Tee shirt off," he demanded and I obeyed. Lifting my upper body, I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head, shivering when the air danced over my chest, hardening my nipples. Jasper looked at me, and like a kid in a candy store with too many options, he just stared. "I don't know what I want first."

Lying back, I rested my head on the folded sweatshirt and watched as he took off his own shirt. Standing, he undid his jeans and let them fall down his legs before he toed out of his sneakers and stepped out of his pants. Kicking them aside, he dropped to his knees and looked at my cotton covered cock like a starving man.

"You warm enough?" he asked.

"Yeah."

It was probably close to noon, the sun was almost directly above us, almost blinding if we looked up at it. Reaching out, the tips of his fingers skimmed over my chest in the lightest of touches. I arched up, already wanting more and he smiled.

"I fucking love how responsive you are. I'm barely touching you," he murmured in awe. He spent a few minutes teasing me with those lingering touches before he brought his eyes to mine. "You sure?"

Instead of answering, I grabbed his wrist and pushed his hand down my abdomen to my cock, placing it on the soft bulge in my briefs. Letting his hand go, I watched as he slipped his hand under the elastic and palmed me. He moaned at the feeling of me in his hand and I saw his hand begin to move up and down, the cotton stretched tight over it. It looked hot, and I imagined it might have felt the same way. He watched his movements for a minute before he leaned over and latched onto a nipple without warning.

"OH FUCK!" I cried out. When my back lifted off the blanket, he snuck an arm under me, supporting my weight as he held me up, closer to his mouth as he lavished my skin before dragging his scruffy jaw over my chest until his mouth reached the other nipple and he showed it the same care. "Jesus, oh, God."

My head rocked side to side. His tongue felt rough and soft and fucking amazing, so much more than I ever remembered. When I moaned and it vibrated through me, he returned the sound with a deeper one of need. Clenching my eyes, I focused on the incredible sensations running through my chest and arms and neck. A tingling swirled around me, traveling at great speed from the tips of my fingers to the base of my neck. I felt the tickling teasing my spine as it worked its way down until it could proceed no further. Finally regaining some muscle control, I lifted my hand from the blanket and ran it up the knots in his back, knowing they still worked for him. He groaned and shifted to allow me to reach him better. Running a hand down the muscles in his back, I reached the elastic of his underwear and stuck my hand inside to grope his ass.

Gasping, he released my nipple and put his forehead on my chest. "Fuck, babe."

Encouraged, I continued to knead the flesh of his ass, angling my head for him as he kissed along my collarbone and landed on my earlobe.

Having set me back down on the blanket, his freed hand went into my hair, tugging enough to send bolts of pain coated with pleasure through me.

With his lips at my ear, he whispered, "So fucking hot. Feeling you in my hand, feeling you move under me, for me." Each word was broken up by the tip of his tongue tracing the shell of my ear before his breaths made me shiver. For a few long seconds all I could hear was our shortened breaths. Then he said the words I wasn't sure I would hear.

"Babe, you're hard," he murmured.

I was tempted to open my eyes and look for myself, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. When Jasper's mouth left my ear, it was to return to my nipples and kiss along my chest. My hair was still wrapped tightly in his hair and he began to move against my hand in his pants. The more he moved, the more he groaned, the more worked up I got. Every touch was heightened in way I'd never felt before; the wetness of his lips, the sandpaper roughness of his jaw, the feather of his lashes, the tender and urgent touch of his hands. The tingling increased when he bit down on my nipple, taking it between his teeth and twisting it hard. It seemed like his mouth was everywhere at once, and then I was floating as the ghostgasm hit me and the tingling rushed through me. I didn't know he'd pulled his hand from my underwear until I was aware of it pinching my other nipple as I whimpered and trembled. The feeling went down my back, courting outward before settling as a warmth low in my belly. His lips returned to my ear, nibbling on the lobe.

"Fucking hot when you come," he said quietly.

I might have smiled, I couldn't tell, but I know I was repeating his name over and over as he continued to worship me while the remains of the pseudo orgasm continued through me. Finally, he released my ear and lay down next to me, his heated skin pressed against mine. My eyes were still closed, but I knew I wore a silly grin.

"Feel good?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "Really good."

"So…can I…."

Opening an eye, I looked at him all eager and shit as he bit his bottom lip waiting. When I nodded, he planted a brief kiss on my lips before sliding down my body. As soon as I couldn't feel him anymore, I closed my eyes again. I couldn't watch.

I was vaguely aware of him lifting my hips to pull my briefs down over my ass, but then I felt nothing except the sun on my torso. My hands fell to my sides, unconsciously gripping the blanket. His hand was on mine, prying my fingers loose from the quilt until I willingly turned up my palm and laced my fingers with his.

"Open your eyes, baby," he said softly. I shook my head. "Please. I want to see you."

Sighing, I opened them, but refused to look at him. His hand tightened in mine.

"Look at me," he clarified. As slowly as possible, I lowered my eyes until I was looking down the newly muscled slopes of my chest and abdomen.

The head of my hard cock between the beautiful lips I loved to suck and kiss. They were firmly wrapped around the head and I imagined that his tongue was tracing the ridge, swirling over the top and even dipping into the slit to coax out some precum. Blue eyes in a shade I never seen before watched me reverently through long lashes. Moaning loudly when our eyes meet, he began to slide his mouth down my length, taking it inch by inch into his wet heat.

"Fuck," I mumbled as I watched my saliva coated cock disappear between his lush lips. "Holy fucking shit."

Moving his mouth back up, he released me, and holding the base of my cock, lapped his way up and down it with his tongue like he was eating an ice cream cone. His eyes never left mine as he flicked the tip of his tongue over the satiny head, groaning when he licked a bead of fluid. Still holding my hand, he took my cock in his mouth again, taking me deeper and deeper until I knew I must be hitting the back of his throat. His Adam's apple lowered as he swallowed around me, creating a tight grip of suction.

It was one of the most erotic things I'd ever seen, except I couldn't feel a fucking thing. Desperately I wanted to feel the rough of his tongue, his spit slickening my skin, and his lips stroking me as his head moved. He must have sensed I wanted to look away because his fingers gripped mine even more, pulling my attention back to him. He let my cock fall from his mouth, but he didn't move. In fact, he held the base while he ran his nose down it, inhaling the scent deeply, until his mouth was at my balls. Pushing my dick forward against my abs, he looked up at me while his tongue darted out and ran along the wrinkled skin of my balls. While I'd handled my cock a lot to insert catheters, I only touched my balls in the shower. They were useless now. Even if they were full of seed, they couldn't empty it. I kept expecting to see my hips to begin thrusting up, to fuck his mouth like I used to, like I wanted to.

But my hips never moved, my legs remained completely still and lifeless.

I was tempted to reach down with my other hand and stop him, but his rapt gaze held mind and I was transfixed by him, by his desire for me even though I felt nothing. Using the flat of his tongue, he lifted a ball into his mouth and then I heard the noises; suckling, moaning, and the slight sound of his hips as he sought friction against the blanket. His golden waves fell in front of his face and his eyes closed as he reveled in his work. Lifting my hand, I stretched out my fingers and pushed his hair to the side, tucking it behind his ear so I had an unobstructed view of his face. His eyes fluttered opened as he released one ball and moved to the other. By the look of sheer desire and need on his face, there was no doubt he was enjoying himself.

The longer I watched him, his head moving, his ass lifting and lowering as he dry humped the ground, the more I felt the tingling beginning again. It was fainter than before, but it made me quiver none the less. Jasper's hand stroked my cock with long, deliberate drags, pulling on the skin with each one. My love does it good.

I was still hard.

Dropping my sac, his mouth returned to my cock, slowing engulfing it as his free hand slid up my abs, outlining the defined muscles before continuing to my nipples, where he tweaked one so hard my upper body rose off the blanket. The weak tickling grew in strength and the second I looked down and saw Jasper's moist lips pressed against the short hairs framing my cock, the tickling spread through my body again. Powerful convulsions wracked me repeatedly as my eyes screwed shut and I grunted as the waves washed over me.

"Jasper, fuck, coming," I groaned and gave into the sensations wrenching me.

They were words I'd never thought I would hear myself say ever again. And even though I said them, they probably weren't completely accurate, at least not in the way I was familiar with. I never felt my balls draw up tight to my body or my cock pulse, but I did feel a euphoria flood my body, reaching all the working nerves in surges.

Gasping for breath, I slowly opened my eyes and lowered them to find Jasper's forehead resting on my hip. Blond curls shielded him from me, but I saw the muscles in his back twitching under his smooth skin and I felt his nails digging into the palm of my hand. His hips were erratically bucking forward as he rutted his cock into the blanket.

Jasper had come too.

Lifting his head, he wore a satisfied smile and his eyes were bright with bliss. "Wow," he chuckled. Lazily my hand fell from his hair that I'd been fisting and I let my head drop back onto the sweatshirt. "That was hot."

I nodded, taking a deep breath to slow my heart. Jasper crawled up my body until he was lying flat on me and his lips smashed onto mine in a claiming kiss that rocked me. His hands buried themselves in my hair while mine went to his ass, pushing him down on me until he was grinding his spent cock against mine. Moans wafted from us, filling the air along with the chirping of birds and crickets, the wind blowing through the grass and flowers, and John and Paul crooning to us. With no worries about being caught or being late, we made out in drowsy kisses until our lips were bruised. It seemed hours later that he finally ripped his mouth from mine and gave me the most amazing grin.

"I'm hungry," he announced, rolling off me. Pushing myself up onto my elbows, I dared a glance down my naked body. My pale skin was blinding under the bright sun, my cock was still hard and hovering just above my abs. Jasper sat up and began going through his bag and the cooler. While he wasn't looking, I reached for my briefs he'd taken off me.

"Don't even think about getting dressed," he warned without turning around.

"You're not naked," I challenged. Instead of agreeing, he pulled his underwear down his legs and kicked it aside.

"Now I am," he said. Sitting down, he opened the cooler and pulled out two sodas and paper plates, handing one to me. Then he proceeded to pull out grapes, chips, two Fluffernutter sandwiches and homemade cookies. "Lunch is served."

It was all the same food as our first date.

Smiling, I picked up a sandwich and put it on my plate, then took some cookies and a small bag of chips. "Our first date."

"Minus the pesky clothing," he grinned as he bit into his sandwich. We ate, completely naked, with the flowers and trees around us. Jasper sang along with the music and I laughed at him. When a bee landed on the edge of the blanket, he motioned to it and warned, "Protect the goods, babe."

There was only one bite of his sandwich left when he suddenly held it a few inches above my now soft cock. "Jas?"

He was quiet, occasionally glancing up at my raised brow and waiting patiently until his overfilled Fluff slowly dripped from the bread to my cock. Jasper's head snapped up.

"Aw, damn. Sorry, babe. Let me clean that up for you." Before I could stop him, he leaned over and began licking the Fluff off my cock. I tugged on his hair until he finally stopped and sat back up, coyly licking his lips. "Sweet," he groaned. I shoved his shoulder and he fell onto his back laughing.

Jasper continued eating, which included accidently dropping crumbs on my cock that needed to be licked off, and losing his grapes between my legs, which needed to be searched out by his mouth. When we were both done, he put everything away. I reached over him and grabbed my bag.

"Whatcha doing?"

"I brought something for you," I answered, unzipping my backpack. Intrigued, he tried to look in my bag. When I pulled out the toy, his eyes grew wide. "My turn."

"Baby…"

In my hands was the dildo he'd gotten me for my birthday the year before. We'd only used it once, the night he used it on me in the meadow during a thunderstorm. I might not be able to make love to Jasper in the traditional way, but I could do this. If he'd let me.

"Do you want to? It's just I can't make love to you, this is as close as I can get," I explained nervously.

"It's so big," he mumbled.

"I know. I remember."

He was quiet as he just stared at the thick, silicone cock. I was just about to give up hope when he cupped my cheek with his palm.

"I want to," he murmured as he leaned forward and kissed me.

Parting, he lay down on his back, his legs spread around me. Wary eyes watched me as I poured some lube on my fingers and then rubbed them around his hole, slicking it up before gently pushing a finger inside him. He groaned and pushed down for more. His body was loose and relaxed as I pumped my finger a few times before adding a second to stretch him. There was a few seconds of tenseness with the additional finger, but he soon relaxed again, even asking for more. Curling them inside him, I brushed his glad and smiled when he screamed and craned off the blanket. When his whimpering was constant, I slipped my fingers from him and drizzled lube on the dildo, smearing it until it was completely covered.

"Just breathe," I whispered, taking his hand into mine.

He used his other to grip his knee and bring his leg up, further opening himself up for me. I stared at his tiny, pink hole, wondering just how the hell the toy was going to fit. Putting the head of the dildo against his entrance, I brought my eyes to his and held them as I slowly pressed it forward.

"Aw, fuck, fuck, fuck," he chanted, his knuckles turning white as he clutched his knee.

I saw the muscles in his forearm straining against his skin while he fought for control over the pain as his body tried to reject the intrusion. I paused, the head of the fake cock not even in him yet, and let him take a few deep breaths. When he nodded, I continued. I was torn between wanting to watch the toy enter him and watch his face as it did so. He looked so beautiful with a mixture of pleasure and pain etched onto his features. Easing it in further, I met the resistant of his tight ring and stopped again.

"It fucking burns," he hissed through clenched teeth. "Splitting me in two."

"Want me to stop?"

"No!" he demanded.

Obeying, I pushed the toy in past the barrier of muscle, pausing every few seconds for him to breathe through the pain. Finally, the dildo was seated deeply in him and I tore my eyes from his face to look at his ass. His tiny entrance was stretched to accommodate the toy, holding it snug in place. My eyes traveled up his limp cock, taut abs flexing with his breaths, over the sculptured planes of his chest, to the cords in his throat. Jasper was simply a work of art.

"I'm going to move it," I warned him.

Our hands were still clasped low on his stomach, his gripping mine to tightly it hurt. As gently as I could, I pulled the toy out and then slid it back in again in one consistent motion. After a few times, I noticed his body began to relax, his breathing quickened to shallow, excited breaths. Tilting the dildo, I hoped I was striking the right spot inside him, and when he released his knee to grab his hardening cock, I was pretty sure I had.

"Fuck, babe, right there. Jesus," he said, lolling his head to the side.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yeah, burns but…aw fuck!" He cried out, his hand began furiously pumping his cock. "Shit, feels so full…so full…"

While we had planned for me to be the first one to bottom, we'd always known that we would share the bottoming duties. As I watched him stroke his cock, I missed the urge to want to do the same. My own dick hung flaccid between my legs. Before the accident, seeing Jasper shameless and vulnerable would have made me come even without touching myself, but now…it did nothing for my cock. Sex had changed. It wasn't about getting off with him anymore, it was about getting him off, watching the pleasure I could still bring him.

His body began to respond to the toy, his hips started thrusting to meet the dildo, precum dripped from his slit, and his lips were parted as he groaned, his keening sounds uncontained in the meadow. Wantonly, he begged for more as his stroked hard and fast to match the pace of the dildo. Before he said the words, I knew he was close to coming. The way his breaths grew labored, the arching of his back, the curling of his toes, and the way his eyes rolled back into his head.

I squeezed his hand, forcing his eyes to mine and held them while a guttural groan escaped him and he lifted his shoulders off the blanket. Two more hard pumps of his cock and his cries pierced the air around us. His cock erupted, shooting thin streams of milky cum and painting his chest in stripes. His ass clenched around the toy as he rode out his orgasm until he finally fell sated onto the blanket, gasping for breath. Releasing his cock, now shiny with his cum, he brought his hand back to his knee to hold his leg. Almost as slowly as I had inserted it, I pulled the toy from him and set it on the blanket. His hole fluttered a bit, still slightly stretched, as he released his leg and let it drop next to me. Holding his hand up for me, I took it and let him pull me forward until I was lying on him.

A strong hand wrapped around my neck and he slanted his mouth to mine in a sweet kiss before running his tongue over the seam of my lips. Ragged breaths filled the time when our lips parted, and I was dimly aware of the cum adhering us together. My dead legs lay between his, but he didn't seem to care as he kissed me over and over.

"That was amazing," he whispered softly. We continued to do nothing but stare at each other until the corner of his lips turned up in a wicked smirk. "When can we do it again?"

"You liked it?"

"Mmm, like might be an understatement."

"Are you saying I've got a slutty bottom boyfriend?"

"I think I am," his confirmed, his eyes sparkling mischievously. "Don't tell me you don't fucking love that."

"It's fucking hot," I agreed. Laughing, I rolled off him, reaching down to lift my legs over his. Immediately, he felt we were too far apart and he rolled onto his side and coiled into me. He sighed heavily as he laid his head on my chest, his thumb circling my nipple. He was well aware of the shivers traveling through my body with each loop of his thumb.

"What's the sigh for?"

"Just thinking," he mumbled against me.

"About?"

He put his chin on my chest so he could look at me. "Spending last night at home was awful. I mean, it wasn't awful, but it felt like a week not seeing you all night. I was just thinking if one night fell like fucking forever, how the fuck am I supposed to make it weeks on end?"

Hopefully you won't.

"It's not like you won't see me, love. We'll have the webcam." I felt like I was lying to him, but I had to let him think this was how it was going to be just in case I didn't get in to OSU.

"Yeah, yeah, and that's awesome, but babe, I want to feel you, like this. I want to roll over in bed and find you next to me no matter what time it is."

"I know, me too," I sighed as heavily as he did. "I want that a lot."

"Then—"

"No."

He sighed again. "Fucking stubborn boyfriend."

"Yep."

Closing his eyes for a few seconds, he seemed to be considering something, probably trying to think of another tactic. The song changed to "My Love" and his eyes opened. There was a clarity in them, the kind that comes from a decision made. Gone was the lust from earlier, only love was left in its wake. He licked his kiss-swollen lips anxiously as I reached up and brushed the waves blowing across his face. His skin was warm from the sun.

"Edward?"

"Mmm?"

"I want to guarantee you're going to be there every day, even when we're apart. I know we're young, and I know, well I know we've mentioned it before but we've never…ya know done anything more than talk about it, and it was even really serious, but…um…" He stuttered and I could feel his heart pounding hard against my side.

"What, love?"

Exhaling, he pushed himself up until he was on his knees with his ass resting on his calves. He picked up my hand and held it in one of his own as he stared down at me. He was starting to make me pretty fucking nervous too. Looking down at our hands, he watched as our fingers effortlessly wove together before dragging his eyes back to mine.

"Edward, will-will you-will you marry me?"

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Edward especially owns me right now, giving up his dream to be with his boy.

The next installment of WN might be delayed. I've got two more chapters of M&A to write and I want to focus on them until M&A is complete. In addition, there is a lot of RL stuff coming up the next two weeks. Meanwhile, I will try to write WN as well, but I would rather take my time and get it right than rush.

Dannie's story "The Claiming" has been published! Go here for details and to purchase. http:/www DOT torquerebooks DOT com/index DOT php?main_page=product_info&cPath=74&products_id=3176

Winter's Night won a few Slash Awards; Best AH J/E, Best Geeksper, Best Friends to Lovers, Best WIP, and Best Handjob and was recommended on A Slice of Lemon http:/lemonsliced DOT blogspot Dot