If on a Winter's Night

by Touchstone67

One fateful, winter's night, Edward and Jasper's lives are turned upside down. Is their relationship strong enough to withstand the aftermath, or will they be driven apart forever? Rated M for sexual situations, language. AH J/E slash

25. When I Get You Alone

Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N-Sorry for the delay in posting, but it was nice to be able to concentrate on M&A and then write 3 chapters of WN in a row. I don't anticipate another delay, but RL is going to get very hectic soon and I'm working on several projects at once, including an original fiction. Please know if there is another delay, I will never abandon this story and it will be completed.

Now let's see what those boys have been up to. This chapter goes back in time to just before Edward's game, but it's nice to recap what's been going on with them. I probably should have split this into two, but thought you guys might not like that (you all want to hear the answer to the big question). So hopefully, you will like a long chapter, it's almost 25k. I could have cut some smut out, but where's the fun in that!

Thank you to everyone that reads, reviews, and supports this story.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine. Special thanks to Dannie, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Jasper's pov

"**~~**"

If on a winter's night he hadn't said yes…

"**~~**"

Wheelchair or not, I wasn't going to let my boy win.

Besides, he'd kill me if he thought I'd let him win. It wasn't how we worked. I loved him, I breathed and lived for him, but I wasn't going to let him win. After all, he'd kicked my able-bodied ass at basketball the night before. He hadn't held back then and neither would I.

We'd gone inside after our little impromptu one on one basketball session and immediately collapsed onto the bed completely clothed. When I woke to an insistent nudging in my side, I found myself draped over Edward's still body. He was so warm and solid, and after a long stretch, his heartbeat lulled me back to sleep. Life didn't get any more perfect than waking up with him under me or next to me or on me. It was something I craved, and not just for that morning, but for the rest of my life.

I could go into all the details about why and how and where, but it all came down to one simple thing.

I loved and needed him.

Originally, I had planned to run seven miles before leaving for his game, but there was no way in hell, no matter how much he argued, I was going to let him push his chair for seven miles, especially not when he had a basketball game to play. After dressing, I loosened up while he watched, and when I told him we were only doing a mile, he grumbled but finally gave in.

A few hundred yards ahead of us, the halfway point loomed in the early morning clouds. His new upper body strength allowed him to do one push for about every two strides of mine. It was hard to stop my eyes from glancing down next to me, from watching the way his gloved hands gripped the handrims in the same practiced rhythm. The tee shirt he was wearing showed off his developed arms and the muscles that flexed under his pale skin with each forward motion. Tearing my eyes away from him, I chided myself.

I refused to get hard while running.

Though it wouldn't be the first time.

I vowed to myself the next time we raced, I was going to wear blinders like a horse. My pace was even and he matched it easily and was barely winded by the time we reached the end of the street to turn around. I felt his eyes on me, the skin on my legs crawled as he stared at them while I ran. No matter how hard I tried to deny it, guilt started to flow through me. I might not have wanted to let him win, but that didn't mean I didn't wish like motherfucking hell he was running right next to me. I would have given anything, including my own ability to run, to just hear the slap of his feet hitting the pavement along with mine, or look at him as he stood eye level with me.

Anything.

We were heading back toward his house, and with half a mile to go he was moving along pretty easily. It wasn't going to be an effortless win. I thought back to all our other races, how many times I'd beaten him over and over, but he never once refused to race me no matter how many times I'd won. Then again, I always seemed to be on the losing end of the score whenever we played basketball. I knew once we went downhill he was going to have a huge advantage. The wheels of the chair were going to allow him to cruise down the hill much faster than I could run. Perhaps breaking his concentration and rhythm would be helpful.

"I can't wait to suck you off tomorrow," I announced, glancing down at him to see sweat beading on his arms. My cock stirred in my shorts.

Fuck, I shouldn't have looked at him.

"Your distraction technique isn't going to work this time, love. I'm going to kick your ass," he countered and I couldn't help laughing.

God, I fucking loved my boy.

Reaching the bottom of the hill, I increased my pace, keeping about one stride in front of him. I probably could have pulled away even further because we were going uphill, but I wanted to stay close just in case something happened. It was the first time we'd done something like this and while I knew he could physically handle the distance, I wasn't sure on the mechanics of the chair. It wasn't made for racing, and if he hit a rock or a bump, I didn't know if it might fall over, trapping Edward under it. My eyes were on the pavement. Knowing he was following me and probably not paying attention to the ground, I watched for any bumps or dips that might send him and the chair reeling. The last thing I wanted was to carry home a bleeding Edward in my arms with an expensive broken chair in tow. If anything ever happened to Edward, his father would kill me. But he knew as well as I did Edward needed to do certain things in order to feel normal, to feel like his life wasn't as fucked up as it sometimes seemed.

Like playing basketball. One of my last thoughts before I had fallen asleep in Edward's arms had been of the upcoming game and what I could do to help ease his anxiety. When he played for the high school team, he used to like to shoot alone for awhile before the rest of the team arrived. I remembered meeting him there before big games to wish him luck. His first wheelchair game wasn't going to be any different. I decided we should leave early so he could practice alone in the gym just like he used to.

I put about six strides between us, close enough that I could hear his breaths becoming labored and heavy as he pushed himself up the hill. Arriving at the top, I could almost feel his relief. The rest of the race was easy for him. It was my turn to work now. We crested the hill and the six strides I'd gained going up were eaten by one giant push of his as he flew by me, coasting down the hill at an incredible speed.

"That's cheating," I yelled out as he pulled further away.

I smiled as I saw him lean forward and tuck his body into a ball to have as little wind resistance as possible. His hair blew wildly in every direction possible and I swear I heard him laughing in early victory. He was out to win just like I was. My heart pounded, not from the exertion but the worry of not being able to keep up with him, and if he fell over at that speed he was going to do some serious damage. Maybe letting him go with me hadn't been a good idea, but when I heard his laugh, I knew I'd made the right decision. He needed the act of normalcy.

Instinctively, my competitive nature flared and I surged forward, increasing my stride to final kick mode. There was only few hundred yards from the bottom of the hill, where Edward was, to his house. I had some serious ground to make up. As soon as the road leveled out, his hands returned to the wheels and he looked back to see where I was. He had about fifty yards on me but I was gaining fast.

Within a few seconds I was right behind him, my eyes once again falling on the motion of his arms. There was something so fucking hot about the way the veins bulged against the skin with each push of the wheel. My cock twitched, having past the stirring stage already, and started to lengthen. It wasn't Edward I needed to distract, it was me. Before I could stop them, the words from an inspirational song began to run through my head. It wasn't The Beatles, or something just as epic. No, it was corny and stupid and perfect.

I began singing "Eye of the Tiger" under my breath.

It was either that or "The Wind Beneath My Wings", but even I had my limits on cheesiness. Usually.

With the wind rushing by his ears, he didn't hear me until I was even with him, and as soon as he recognized what I was singing, he began to laugh. It was such a beautiful sound, free and light and just fucking happy. Stride for push, we battled it out for the next hundred yards. My lungs began to burn with from singing, but I didn't stop. Edward's house was across the street, and I checked for traffic before darting across with him hot my heels. When I hit the sidewalk, I leapt over it, landing ungracefully on his yard before falling forward and rolling onto my back. Lying there, I panted for breaths, feeling as though I'd just run one of my track races.

"Totally not fair," Edward complained from the driveway.

Staring at the sky, I replied, "Oh? And coasting downhill was?"

"Not like I had a choice."

"True. Call it a tie?"

"Until we can have a rematch," he nodded. "Ready to shower and get some breakfast?"

My stomach chose that second to growl, probably loud enough to wake up a few neighbors. I jumped up and brushed the grass off my butt. "If it's okay, I want to leave early for the game today. I'll text Bella and let her know."

"Sure, why?"

"You'll see." I took his porch steps in one jump and opened his door as he came up the ramp. "Now about food…"

He was still shaking his head as he crossed the threshold. Closing the door behind us, I followed him down the hall to his room. He went to the bathroom across from his room while I grabbed clothes and went upstairs to use their second bathroom. I had hoped we would be early enough to shower together without anyone knowing, but even though I'd promised to behave and keep a strict 'hands off' policy, he refused. Even my pout didn't work.

Instead, I stood under the spray alone debating whether or not to jack off. It felt deviant to touch myself in someone else's bathroom, but if I didn't, I was going to be sitting at his game with a throbbing erection. Fuck, even if I did wank, I would still get hard at his game.

"Fuck it," I mumbled and began stroking. Lolling my head back and letting the water spray on my shoulders, I closed my eyes and saw flashes of Edward, each one progressively hotter than the last. I saw him during our run with his muscles flexing, I saw him playing basketball and commanding his team, I saw him lying naked under me, and finally I saw his straining cock as I took it in my mouth. I couldn't fucking wait to taste his heady flavor again. My tongue licked my lips in anticipation and my cock pulsed in my hand, erupting in short bursts onto the tiled floor. Lifting one hand, I braced it against the wall for balance as I rode out the orgasm.

"Jasper?" a female voice called out from the other side of the door.

It was not his mother.

"Yeah?" I squeaked out, pumping my sensitive cock as the last of my cum shot from it, my body still riding the high of my climax.

"You almost done? I need to shower before we leave," Alice said.

"Um, yeah, sure. I'll be out in a minute," I said quickly, releasing my cock as if she'd actually been able to see me. Turning off the shower, I shook my head to rid the excess water and opened the door, grabbing the towel off the shelf. Stepping out, I wrapped it around my hips and went to the door. When I opened it, I found her leaning against the opposite wall, her arms folded across her chest and her head tilted as she eyed me.

And my wet body.

Her eyes started at my feet and went up until they settled on my face. Taking in my flushed cheeks, she raised an eyebrow.

"That's just gross," she said with a crinkled nose. "And I supposed you were thinking of my brother? I hope you at least rinsed it down the drain."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lied and practically bolted past her and down the hall, holding my towel with one hand as I took the stairs as quickly as I could.

Back in Edward's room, I closed his door and leaned against it, my heart racing more than it had when I'd run earlier. It still freaked me out that Alice knew about us, and talked about it so openly. It freaked me out even more that she could tell what I'd been doing in the shower. A few seconds sooner and she probably would have heard me grunting as I came.

Suddenly feeling exposed, I unwrapped the towel and dried off before throwing on my jeans and a tee shirt. Picking up my phone, I sent Bella a text to let her know we'd be by earlier to pick her up. She replied and said she was ready to go whenever we got there. I was worried about the drive and how Edward was going to be when he couldn't sit next to me, but before I could think about it too much, his door opened and Edward entered. I debated on telling him about Alice, but decided it might worry him rather than make him laugh. Besides, the second he pushed inside and closed his door, any coherent thought I'd had left me.

Edward was naked except for a towel covering his lap.

Naked.

Just the way I liked him.

He went to push past me to go to his dresser for clothes, but I stood in his way. When he said we didn't have time, I shook my head. It wasn't sex I wanted. I directed him to his bed and had him lay face down, resting his head flat on the bed so his arms were out straight above him. Starting at his forearms, I began to massage his muscles. Knowing we were short on time, I quickly worked from one side to the other, trying to ignore the moans of pleasure he released as I kneaded his upper back.

"I thought you could use this before the game," I whispered as I worked the knots in his spine.

When I reached his scar, I rubbed my thumb along the raised flesh. It had faded some but was still red. Even though I ventured below the scar only a few inches, I knew he didn't feel it. Once I was done, I grabbed his game uniform from his drawer while he rolled over. Then it was my turn to moan when his thick cock rested on his thigh as he began to pull his briefs up his legs and shifted his weight back and forth to get him over his ass. He put on the silky tank top and then I handed him his shorts.

He didn't want to wear them. He was embarrassed of his legs, not only of their uselessness, but the way they looked. Edward feared atrophy was already setting in, common with paraplegics. While their upper bodies flourished from weight training and pushing the chair, their leg muscles faded from lack of use. PT helped slow it down, but it still happened. And it was really only a matter of time before it happened to Edward, but he had no reason to worry yet, his legs were only slightly smaller than before the accident, and someone who didn't know his body like I did wouldn't be able to tell a difference.

"Your legs are beautiful, babe," I assured him when he hesitated on taking the shorts. Sighing, he took them and put them on before covering them up with the warm-up pants.

Once he was dressed, he moved back to the chair and we headed to the kitchen for some breakfast. Edward opened the fridge and dug through the contents, handing me cream cheese and a carton of OJ. I popped it open, bringing it to my lips and guzzling.

"We have glasses, Jasper," Mrs. Cullen said behind me and I yanked the carton from my mouth.

"Sorry," I mumbled, closing the carton and putting it on the counter. Edward dropped two bagels in the toaster. "I know what I'm getting you for Christmas, Mrs. C."

"What?" she asked as poured some coffee.

"Star Wars pancake molds. Greatest invention ever," I said, dangling my legs off the edge of the island I was sitting on. Edward rolled his eyes as he opened the drawer to get a knife.

"Oh? I've never heard of such a thing," she replied with her back to me.

I gasped and put my hand on my heart. "What kind of life do you deviants lead?" My comment earned me a deep chuckle from behind me.

"Apparently, the kind who allow our son's friends to sit on our countertop," Dr. Cullen said.

Laughing, I hopped down and leaned against it instead. Dr. Cullen was already showered, shaved and dressed. After kissing his wife, she gave him a mug of coffee. The bagels popped and Edward spread cream cheese on his and peanut butter on mine. Then he grabbed the OJ carton and drank out of it. His mother just sighed.

As soon as he finished his bagel, Edward used the bathroom one more time because he didn't want to have to use it while we were gone. Mrs. Cullen handed me a container of brownies for the road, and Dr. Cullen told me to be careful and they would see us there. I went back to Edward's room and grabbed his duffle bag, tossing the brownies in it and slinging it over my shoulder. When I returned to the living room, Edward was already done and waiting for me. After a quick goodbye, we went outside and I helped Edward into the truck before securing his chair in the back and getting in. Mrs. Cullen was watching from the porch while his son pretended to wave calmly. I backed out of the driveway and was barely out of sight of his house before I pulled over and offered to let him move closer. Worried Bella might see us, he refused. Instead, I held his hand on the seat between us, feeling calming waves from him as he took deep breaths.

He'd made the right decision because when we pulled into Bella's driveway she was waiting on her front steps. I parked next to her dad's cruiser and opened my door to let her get in my side. She was already buckled in by the time I got back in and closed the door. After a worried glance at Edward, I shifted into drive and backed out of her driveway.

She. Never. Shut. Up.

She asked Edward who he was playing, and I answered for him, wanting to direct her attention away from his tense body. It was easy to do, she quickly engaged me in a conversation, and as long as I kept asking questions, she kept answering them. Edward spoke up a few times, but only when directly asked something. Bella didn't seem to notice his hand fisted on his lap so tightly I was sure his nails left marks in his palm, or his other hand gripping the door handle so hard that his knuckles were white. I saw the vivid fear in his eyes when mine caught his a few times, and I lost count on how many times I was tempted to say fuck it, pull over, push Bella out of the way and drag him over to me. It was in those moments I didn't give a shit if Bella saw me hold his hand or caress his thigh. He needed me and I wasn't going to let anyone stand, or sit, in the way.

Except Edward.

He didn't want that. He didn't want her or anyone else to know about us until he was ready, and as much as I wanted to soothe his fear right then, I respected his decision. If he needed me bad enough, he would shove Bella out of the way himself. That image made me chuckle.

During a short lull in the conversation, Bella went to change the radio. Reaching out, I slapped her hand. "We listen to The Beatles in here."

"Is he as big a fan as you are? I remember when we were dating you never listened to anything else. It was adorable." She remembered fondly and I winced at the words 'dating' and 'adorable'. Only I could call anything Edward did adorable.

"Yeah, he's a pretty big fan. He likes all kinds of music. Even eighties," Edward answered tersely.

"Eighties? Really?" Bella asked, turning to me in shock.

"Got a problem with that?"

"No, just always pictured you more as the classic rock kind of guy."

"I'm just full of surprises," I growled.

I felt Edward relax as soon as we exited the freeway. It was only a few more minutes before I was pulling into the parking lot of the gym and getting Edward's chair out of the truck. Bella waited to the side as I opened Edward's door and reached for him. Without saying a word, we spoke to each other. I gave him an extra squeeze of encouragement after I scooped him into my arms. Grabbing the bag from the cab, Bella and I followed Edward up the ramp and into the building.

Inside the gym, I unzipped his duffle bag and pulled out his basketball. "Go shoot," I told him.

It was then he realized why we were early. While I had remembered he liked to shoot around before the game, he'd been too worried about the drive and the game itself to remember. Sitting in the chair in his tank top and shiny pants with the ball on his lap, he looked up at me, surprised mixing with knowing on his face. I don't know why he was surprised. Didn't he know I remembered everything? That I would do anything?

"You remembered?"

"Course," I said, brushing off his emotions so he didn't get embarrassed with Bella there.

He asked me to rebound, and while Bella watched from against the wall under the basket, I rebounded. Edward performed his pregame routine, shooting from the places he liked in a certain order. Instead of watching the delicious way his wrists flicked after he shot or the way he gnawed on the inside of his cheek, or the fucking incredible way his shoulders looked under the maroon tank top, I stared at the floor, or the ball, or even Bella, anything to keep my mind off how hot Edward looked.

Our alone time ran out, and after his last shot, I dribbled the ball over to him. "Good?"

"Yeah, I think so. Thanks to you," he whispered looking up at me.

"I didn't make the baskets."

He didn't reply, but he stared up at me, thanking me in a way he couldn't verbalize. Bella's presence was the only thing that kept me from reaching out and taking his hand. Mine clutched with the effort of resistance. Just before I gave in to my need, Riley entered the gym, saving both Edward and I from exposing ourselves. Smiling, Riley wheeled over to us, greeting us and asking Edward if he was ready. It was time to hand my boy over to his team, hoping I had shown him he could do it. Sam entered and turned on the lights, which was my cue to leave.

"I'm going to take Bella and find a seat," I said to Edward, waiting until Riley was far enough away to speak again. "You can do this, babe. Just use your mad Cullen skills."

Leaving Edward, I went to Bella. "Ready to go sit down?" She stared at me for a second before smiling and nodding, letting me lead her to the bleachers. Being the only ones there, we had our choice of rows. "Where do you want to sit?"

"Um, how about halfway up?" Letting her go first, I followed her up the steps and then down a row. She stopped and looked at me. "This okay?"

"Yep," I said, sitting down. Sprawling out, I put my feet on the bench below us while I leaned back on my elbows on the row behind us. Bella did the opposite of me, bringing her knees up, she wrapped her arms around them and watched as the team began to warm up.

Then the questions began.

She wanted to know who each person was, where they were from, how old they were, and how why they were in a wheelchair. When I didn't know the answers, she would sigh and grow frustrated.

"It's Edward's team, not mine," I reminded her after she huffed when I said I didn't know someone's name.

"Who's the super hot guy Edward keeps talking to? I saw you talking to him too." She pointed to Riley, who was talking with Edward and looking at the other team. "You must know him."

I nodded curtly. "I do."

Tilting her head, she raised an eyebrow, and when I didn't say anything further, she rolled her eyes. "Who is he?"

"His name is Riley. He graduated last year, he lives in this area but I don't know where, and he was in a mountain biking accident," I replied, hoping to answer all her questions in one statement.

"Is he in college?"

I shrugged. "I think so."

She continued to watch Riley closely, which freed me up to watch Edward. He looked our way a few times, quick glances just to reassure himself I was still there. Each time, he would catch my gaze, hold it for a second, then exhale a breath and look away. As they ran a layup drill, Edward's gaze worriedly wandered to the other team, sizing them up, making himself even more nervous.

"Don't worry about them," I muttered to myself when he began chewing on his bottom lip.

"What?"

I had forgotten she was next to me. "Nothing."

Returning her attention back to the teams, she began asking me questions about the other team. Just when I was about to put my hands around her neck to strangle her, I heard Mrs. Cullen. It was then I noticed the bleachers had been filling up and were about half full with fans for both teams. Sitting up, I put my feet on the row in front of me and braced my elbows on my knees.

"Hello, Jasper, Bella," she said as she reached the bench we were sitting on.

"Hi," Bella squealed as she stood and hugged his parents and Alice. I smiled and said hi. I assumed they were going to sit next to us, but they sat in the row behind us, Alice directly behind me. I swear I heard her snickering.

"How do they look?" Dr. Cullen asked me.

Turning to my side a bit, I looked up at him. "Pretty good, they've been shooting well. Edward seems nervous, but I think once he starts to play, he'll get his mojo."

"Mojo, huh? Is that a technical basketball term?" He chuckled. "And the other team?"

I honestly hadn't watched them at all, I'd been too preoccupied with Edward. "They seem okay." It seemed like a fair response.

The teams gathered on the sidelines, some drank water, while others took off their warm-up uniforms. I watched Edward lean down and unsnap his pants all the way up his legs until he could slide them off. Tossing them on his bag, he revealed his beautiful legs, as pale as ever, but covered with a light dusting of reddish-brown hair. He looked so fucking hot in his uniform. Shifting my weight, I swallowed and forced myself to look away.

As the starting five for each team was announced, I had to resist standing and hollering when Edward's name was called. Finally, the teams were called onto the court for the start of the game. I heard Bella say something in the distance, her hand might have even been on my knee, but all I saw were forest green eyes begging me from the other side of the court. He was scared, nervous he was going to fuck up and make a fool of himself and his team. I had no wise words of wisdom, I knew nothing about the pressure he was feeling, I only knew the one thing I said to him before the start of every game.

"Love you," I mouthed barely moving my lips. When he nodded, I knew he'd seen me. I think my heart was beating as fast as anyone's on the team when the referee tossed the ball into the air and Riley's tapped it in Edward's direction. I don't even think he thought before he was instinctively passing it down the court to his teammate, who scored. Twenty seconds into the game and Edward already had an assist.

"Nice pass!" Bella yelled and I cringed.

"Now I remember why I hate going to his games with you," I laughed.

"What? I can't cheer him on?"

"Sure…less loudly."

She shoved my shoulder and promptly told me to shut the hell up. Behind me, I heard Mrs. Cullen drilling her husband on the safety of Edward's chair. Dr. Cullen explained all the ways the chairs were designed to stabilize the players and prevent them from tipping over, as well as avoid pinching and jamming fingers.

I watched Edward's opponent get a pass around Edward.

Come on, baby. Focus.

"You talking to me?" Bella asked.

Had I said it aloud? I just shook my head, but she was slow to bring her attention back to the game. Mrs. Cullen gasped when the guy guarding Edward slammed his chair into Edward's just as he passed the ball. Riley made the shot and the Blazer's fans clapped.

"He's hot," Bella said with a grin.

The game went back and forth, although I had no idea what the score was because my eyes never left Edward. With Bella and his parents near me, I tried to not be obvious, to be nothing more than a guy watching his friend play, but no matter how many times I ripped my eyes from Edward to someone else, usually Riley, they always found their way back to my boy. Edward missed his first shot and the defeated look on his face was clear even from across the court. His nerves were beating him. Chairs constantly bumped into each other, metal hitting metal filled the gym along with cheering and clapping. Bella asked a constant stream of questions about the game.

Then her questions changed topic.

"Come on, you've been coming to all Edward's practices and you don't know anything about Riley?"

"Bella," I sighed, then lied, "You might find it hard to believe but when I come here, I concentrate on my homework, not the team's personal lives."

"Oh my God," Mrs. Cullen cried when one of Edward's teammates was knocked over. He was upright almost as soon as he was hit, but she covered her eyes anyway. "I don't know if I can watch this. What if he gets hurt again?"

"He won't," Dr. Cullen answered confidently. "He needs to play, Esme. This is good for him, physically and emotionally." Glancing behind me, I saw him take his wife's hand from her eyes and hold it on his lap, forcing her to watch. It was probably a good thing she hadn't seen her son racing down the hill earlier that morning.

The first period ended and the team went to their benches. I watched Edward wipe his face with a towel and drink some water while he listened to Sam's instructions for the next period. Edward sat on the sidelines as his team went back on the court. Nervously, I chewed on the inside of my cheek and held his gaze.

"I'm failing."

"No, you're not. You can do this." I assured him with a slight nod.

"I can't."

"Mad Cullen skills, baby."

Leaning toward me, Bella tapped my arm. "The girl, what is she again?"

"A post," I answered, my eyes never wavering from Edward's. It wasn't until he looked away that I did the same. I could see his frustration, his defeat, on his face and his body. His strong shoulders slumped, fingers loosely gripped the handrims, and his full lips were downturned. The Edward I knew would have been sitting there focusing so intently on the game, he wouldn't have noticed if the gym had exploded. He would have been cheering on his team and calling out plays. But the new Edward was sitting in his prison, barely able to focus on the game he loved so much.

Swallowing, I took a few deep breaths. My body felt like it was on fire, burning with the need to go to him, to kneel in front of him, hold his hand, and tell him he was doing fine and not to worry. I knew he had to do this, I knew he could do it, it wasn't me who doubted him.

It was himself.

Edward's life had turned upside down and he was doing what he could reclaim it, to retake control and do what he loved. In order to do that, he had to prove to himself he belonged there with his team.

My boy was worthy.

"Hey," Bella said, putting her hand on my knee that I didn't know was frantically bouncing up and down, "you okay?"

I gave her a half smile. "Yeah, course."

She stared at me, reading my expression and looking into my eyes. Afraid she was going to find what she was looking for, I turned back to the game.

I needed to get to him.

Glancing at the clock, I saw there were two minutes until halftime. I would tell everyone I had to use the restroom, then go to Edward and talk to him. As soon as the halftime buzzer rang, I jumped up, scaring the shit out of Bella.

"I gotta use the bathroom," I announced. Not bothering to use the steps, I went down the benches, almost breaking into a jog when I my feet landed on the court. Hopefully out of sight of Bella and his parents I shifted my weight back and forth while I waited for Edward in the corner. The team was in a circle talking with Sam. When he told them to go shoot, Edward turned around and saw me. He said something to Riley before coming over. I saw everything he was feeling, all the frustration and doubt.

Crouching, I looked up at him as he rolled to a stop. "What's going on, babe?"

"I don't know. I just can't shoot, or dribble, or do any fucking thing without fucking up."

"Bullshit. This is all in your head. You were shooting eighty percent before the game. You're letting your nerves get to you. You're your own worst enemy right now. It's not that the other team is better, because they're not. Just let it go. Go out there, do your thing and don't give a shit. Pretend it's just you and me shooting in your driveway like last night. Remember? When you kicked my ass?"

"Yeah," he sighed.

"You can do this, babe. I know you can. Just relax and have fun." I stood up, stuffing my hands in my pockets so I wouldn't reach out to wipe the worry from his face. "Now I have to get back to Miss Chatterbox over there. Oh, and your legs look fucking hot."

"Thanks, love," he smiled.

"Good luck."

I love you.

I strode back to my seat, completely unaware of the stupid grin on my face until Bella looked at me. Forcing the smile away, I went up the steps and climbed over her to take my seat.

"Close game," Dr. Cullen observed and I looked at the score for the first time and realized the other team was within four. "There are some good players on Edward's team."

"Yeah, there are," I agreed absently. Mrs. Cullen continued with her questions, and I briefly wondered if it was a girl thing, although Alice stayed pretty quiet except for when she tapped my shoulder.

"Who's the guy with the hair?"

What was it about him? "Riley," I answered.

The third period started and I felt the weight of Bella staring at me with narrow eyes. Not looking her way, I watched as Edward's team inbounded the ball. Edward made a nice pass, which eventually ended up in Riley's hands, but when he didn't have a shot, he passed it back to Edward, who was sitting at the top of the arc in his sweet spot.

"Go on, baby, shoot," I mumbled. As if he heard me, his long arms reached up and with the perfect flick of his wrist, he released the ball into the air. It sailed through the net for his first three points. I gripped the bench to prevent myself from leaping to my feet and yelling out "That's my boyfriend" to everyone there.

Less than five minutes later, Edward had made two more three-pointers and the other coach was calling a timeout to figure out how to deal with the kid who'd suddenly learned to shoot. As Edward left the court, he glanced up at me. The grin I'd been trying to hide earlier was back, dimples and all. My boy was kicking the ass I knew he could.

I loved being right.

"Looks like he's getting his mojo," Dr. Cullen chuckled behind me. "Whatever you said to him at halftime must have worked."

Swallow, I just nodded. Apparently I hadn't been as hidden as I'd thought.

The teams returned from the timeout and I leaned forward, as if I could get closer to him. Before I'd been too worried about him to admire the way he skillfully maneuvered the chair, weaving it in and out of other players, using it as an extension of himself to stop opponents and block plays, just as he would have used his body before. I licked my lips when I saw the sweat run down his face and gather in the tasty dip at the base of his neck. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen were talking to each other, cheering on their son while Alice joined in, louder than both of them combined.

It was then my world went still.

"Do you like Edward?" Bella asked so quietly I almost didn't hear her. At some point, she had moved closer and her side was pressed to mine.

"What kind of fucked up question is that? He's my best friend, of course I like him," I replied, shaking my head at her absurdity.

She sighed and put her lips close to my ear. "No, I mean do you like him."

I attempted to swallow the lump that immediately clogged my throat. Between that and my racing heart, there was no air getting to my lungs and I held my breath.

"Like," she glanced behind us before saying, "do you have a crush on him?"

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!

I rubbed my palms along my thighs and chewed on my lower lip.

It would have been easy to say no, to deny I loved the boy we were there to watch. The lie would have fallen effortlessly from my lips as it had many times before, followed by a disgusted look to be sure she got the point. It wasn't that I thought Bella had a problem with gay guys, it was that she was Edward's ex, and second to his parents, the one person he didn't want knowing about us. Alice was the only one who knew, and that had been by accident. If I told Bella, she would be the first person I willingly told I was gay.

Not just gay, but in love with Edward, a fucking lot more than a crush.

If it had been up to me, I would have shouted my love for him from the rooftops long ago, but for him I remained silent. There were days I thought it would be so much easier if everyone knew, but it wasn't only my choice, it was his, ours. And if he didn't want people to know, then it wasn't my right to tell them. But no one had ever directly asked me like she just had.

"It's okay if you do, I won't tell him," she assured me, putting her hand on mine, stilling its movement over my thigh.

For almost two years, Edward and I had been able to fly below the gaydar of our friends, and not entirely because of our ability to pretend we weren't something we were, but mostly because our friends were too wrapped up in their own lives to care about others. It wasn't a bad thing, it was typical teenage behavior, and it worked to our advantage. Hell, I was just as guilty of it. I could care less about Newton's love life, I only cared about Edward and me. We'd probably been lucky to have made it two years without anyone noticing or caring about the looks, slight touches, and the reason we were always together. It'd been easier since his accident, people just assumed I was with him to help, but Bella…Bella had seen me at lunch while Edward was in the hospital. She had been the only one who had dared to sit with me. For weeks, she tried to cheer me up, asked tentative questions and supported me in the only way she could. At the time, she'd been a thorn in my side, I had other things way more important than to answer her incessant questions about Edward's condition. Still, as much as I growled, snapped, and threw dirty looks her way, she remained at the table, never giving up on me.

Maybe I owed her the truth.

Maybe I wanted to tell someone the truth.

But it was going to come at a price. She had to keep quiet, I needed her word not another living soul would ever find out, including Edward. Edward had put his faith in her while they dated, they had remained close after their breakup, and with what I was about to trust her with, I hoped she was the person he always claimed she was.

So in the middle of Edward's game in a crowded gym with his parents sitting only feet behind me, I outed us to Bella. He was going to kill me if he found out.

"He already knows," I whispered softly to her, my eyes on Edward as he rolled back on defense. Bella didn't stiffen or take her hand from mine, but she did follow my eyes and saw my gaze on Edward.

"Oh my God," she mumbled.

"Bella…"

"Oh my God," she repeated as quietly as the first time.

"Bella," I warned her under my breath. Fuck, maybe I'd been wrong. Maybe she couldn't handle it.

"How did I not know? Why didn't he tell me?" she asked me, hurt and confusion weaving in her voice. It wasn't the hurt of an ex being jealous, it was one of a friend not being trusted.

Chancing a glance behind me, I saw the Cullens watching their son and paying no attention the conversation his best friend and ex-girlfriend were having. "Listen, I know this is a lot to take in, but can we talk about this later?" Gnawing on her cheek, she nodded. "I just need you to promise you won't say a word to him, please. He doesn't want you to know. I'll explain everything later, I swear."

"I won't say anything," she vowed, squeezing my hand.

"Thanks." I gave her a weak smile, hoping like hell I could trust her.

"You're right, you are full of surprises," she murmured, referring to my comment in the truck.

Taking a deep breath, I turned back to the game, my eyes tracking Edward like they'd never stopped. The game was getting more physical, there were chairs ramming into each other, players trying to pass and block, and a lot of fouls called. But through it all, Edward was on his game, he was making shots and hard passes. I saw him high five Riley, smile, and even laugh once. My boy was enjoying playing basketball again.

And it was a beautiful sight.

We continued to watch the teams battle it out during the fourth period. The other team tried to make some adjustments to keep Edward covered more but it only freed up another player to shoot. Mrs. Cullen cringed every time chairs collided and Dr. Cullen talked her through it. Alice continued to drool over Riley, and Bella cheered Edward on as loudly as ever. It was all completely normal, just like any other game we'd all attended, except Bella knew our secret.

I watched the last few seconds of the game tick away until the buzzer signaled the end of the game. Grinning, freely that time, I watched as Edward stopped his chair and looked up at me.

He'd won.

He had not only kicked the other team's ass, but his own demon's as well. The darkness that followed him around telling him he wasn't good enough could go to hell. Edward was good enough, he'd just proven it to himself and everyone else in that gym. Even though he was at half court, I could see the relief in his eyes as he glanced at his parents, and then Bella.

"That was awesome," she said, looking at me. When I didn't answer her right away, she followed the line of my gaze and then gave Edward a wave.

"Remember what you promised," I reminded her through my smile.

"I will," she replied.

"He looks so happy," Mrs. Cullen sighed. "I haven't seen him smile like that in months."

I had. Edward smiled a lot when he was alone with me, but it was a smile he didn't grace others with often.

The teams went through their lines and then gathered on the sidelines to pack up their gear. Edward's parents followed Bella, Alice, and I down the blenchers to the court where we waited for Edward to finish up with his team. He rolled across the gym with his bag on his lap, sweat still glistening on his skin and I shuffled my feet and forced my eyes away from his shoulders and to his smile as he approached. Before he reached us, his mother rushed him, hugging him tightly before letting Dr. Cullen do the same.

"How do you feel? Anything hurting?" Dr. Cullen asked with the same tone my mother often used on me. After assuring his father he was fine, there was another round of quick hugs before his family headed for the exit.

Then it was just us. Bella and me and Edward.

And I got nervous.

Shifting, I put my hands in my pockets. It was hard to face him knowing what I'd done behind his back, so I hung my head shamefully but couldn't stop myself from looking at him through my lashes. Bella congratulated him, giving him a hug and telling him how nice it was to see him play again. I entirely agreed.

"Hey," he said and I could feel his desire to bump his chair into me like he had the night before.

"Hey. Ready to go?"

But before we could get far, Riley stopped us. "Hey, guys. Great game, Edward. Sam is right, you're our secret weapon."

When I saw Riley eyeing Bella, I raised a brow at Edward, and almost coughed when Riley asked if Bella was Edward's girlfriend. He introduced them and we watched as Bella giggled and shook Riley's hand. Apparently his charm worked on both sexes. When it looked like their flirting was going to continue, I grabbed Bella's arm and started to drag her unwillingly toward the doors, calling out a goodbye to Riley and leaving Edward behind.

"What the hell was that?" I grumbled to her as we walked through the gym and into the corridor.

"What?"

"The flirting. Don't you have a boyfriend?"

"Mike? We've gone out, but we're not dating dating. Besides, are you blind? Did you see him?"

"Yeah, I've seen him, the hair, the smile, the…"

"Eyes," she offered dreamily.

I laughed. It felt nice…and really fucking strange, to comment on another guy to Bella.

"Make sure you behave on the way home," I said to her quieter than I needed to.

"I will, but you better call me tonight," she threatened.

"I have to run, but when I get back I'll call."

"And tell me everything."

"Most everything," I compromised as I opened the door to the truck. "Get in."

She climbed in and I waited for Edward, watching him as he came down the ramp and pushed over to the truck. The ease I'd felt with Bella only a minute before disappeared as soon as him. The guilt returned, and even though I knew I'd had every right to tell her about me I didn't have the right to out Edward or our relationship, no matter how proud I was to be his boyfriend. I didn't want him mad at me, or hurt or disappointed. I knew I could eventually make him understand, but until then, the guilt similar to the one I had when I hadn't told him about OSU, was going to dwell in me.

I lifted Edward into the truck, smiling when he was hit with a barrage of questions about Riley from Bella. After securing his chair in the back, I got in and started the ignition.

"Gesh, Bella, let me answer one before the next," he growled.

"She was like this all during the game. I kept telling her I didn't know anything about 'the super hot guy that Edward kept passing the ball to'," I imitated her, smiling when she laughed and hit my shoulder.

I pulled out onto the street, glancing at Edward before heading toward the highway. He was staring out the window, attempting to focus and answer Bella's questions. True to her word, she behaved no differently on the way home than she had on the way there. If anything, she tried to keep Edward occupied, even soothingly patting his leg a couple of times. I don't think she realized he couldn't feel her touch.

Hungry, I had Bella get the brownies from the bag and ate the two that she gave me. The cab filled with the faint Beatles music and Bella's constant chatter. Brushing crumbs off my tee shirt, I glanced over at Edward and found his hands clenched on his thighs.

Only a little further, baby, hang in there.

We finally pulled into Bella's driveway and I heard Edward sigh. He seemed to be able to handle local driving better than the highway. Opening my door, I hopped out and waited for Bella to say goodbye to Edward before she scooted across the seat and got out. Before I could move out of her way, she reached up and wrapped her tiny arms around my neck, pulling me down to her.

"Take care of him," she whispered softly in my ear, and I closed my eyes and nodded. "And you better call me later or I'm hunting you down."

Releasing me, she gave me a quick smile and headed for her door. Avoiding Edward's curious stare and raised brow, I climbed in and buckled up. I didn't have to look at him to know he knew something was going on.

"Jasper?"

I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him in the few miles it was to his house about what had happened, why I'd told her. I knew the distance was an excuse, it was really I was a fucking wimp. Shaking my head, I pulled over to the side of the road out of view from Bella's and waited for him to slide across the seat. Once his warmth was soaking into me and his palm was resting on my thigh, I relaxed and shifted into drive.

In his driveway, I parked behind his dad's car and Edward lifted his head off my shoulder. We'd been silent for the short drive, but it wasn't uncomfortable or tense.

"Is it bad?" he asked quietly.

"No." At least I hoped it wasn't.

"Will you tell me someday?"

I wanted to tell him everything right then, but after the game, the drive, it had been a really fucking long day. It wasn't the time to get buried in a heavy conversation. "Someday," I agreed. His mood shifted when I pressed my lips to his forehead.

"Can you stay for dinner? My dad wants to celebrate. I'm going to see if he'll cook on the grill."

"I want to, but I need to run and I promised my mom I'd be home tonight."

"You okay, love?"

He was worried about me.

"Of course, just tired. You're probably tired too, huh?" I gave him a genuine smile.

I told him I was proud of him, but he didn't want to take the credit he deserved. Then he asked what time I would be by to pick him up for the meadow. Given all that had happened, I had forgotten about our little getaway.

"Seven. I want all day with you. Just you and me. No parents, no Bella, no team."

"Make it nine and you've got yourself a boyfriend for the day," he yawned.

"Deal. I'll be here at nine." After a quick kiss, I got his chair and helped him into it. "Be safe, baby."

"See ya, love."

Edward sat at the bottom of the ramp and watched me leave, waving as I pulled away. I'd never been able to hid shit from him and this wasn't going to be any different. The meadow would be the perfect place to explain it all, but selfishly I didn't want anything negative to interfere with our time there.

"Shit," I groaned when I realized I still had to go home and run…and call Bella.

"Mom?" I called out, slamming the front door to my house.

"In here," she yelled from the kitchen. I walked in to find her pulling a casserole dish from the oven. "My son, right?"

"Depends, what's for dinner?" I answered, opening the fridge for a bottle of water.

"Chicken, cheese, broccoli casserole."

I made a face. "Then I'm definitely not your son."

"How was the game?"

"Great, they won. Edward played really good."

"Well."

"Huh?"

"He played really well, not good."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes, "He kicked as-butt. What time is dinner?"

"Not for awhile, why?"

"I need to run, I'll be back in about forty minutes, but don't wait for me, I can heat it up after I shower."

I didn't wait for her reply, I was already bounding up the stairs and taking off my clothes. I quickly changed into a pair of running shorts and pulled my running sneakers out of my bag I'd brought to Edward's. Once my sneakers were tied, I went back downstairs, drinking my water along the way. Outside, I stretched for a few minutes before walking to the end of the driveway and breaking into a comfortable jog.

As they always do, my thoughts drifted to Edward and to his game. I wished he knew how strong and inspirational he was. The way he faced his fear head-on was amazing and he had no idea. Of course, I could tell him but he would just laugh it off, he'd never believe me. I could walk, I could run, I could dance and move my hips in just the right way but I would never be strong as Edward was.

And he thought I was the superhero, I had nothing on him.

Before I even realized I was doing it, I was humming "Eye of the Tiger" to myself. Lengthening my stride, I kept my eyes on the horizon in front of me.

Only five more miles to go.

"**~~**"

"Hello?"

"Hey, Bella," I said quietly as if someone could hear me in my room on the phone. I leaned against the headboard of my bed and crossed my feet. My skin was still damp from my shower, drops of water running from the ends of my waves down the nape of my neck.

The rest of my run had gone pretty good…well…whichever, averaging just over a five minute mile each of the six miles I'd run. I was exhausted, my body craved sleep but I had a few phone calls to make first. After my run, I had showered and grabbed a quick plate of the mysterious chicken casserole my mother had cooked and a can of Coke before heading to my bedroom. It didn't look appetizing but by that point, I would have eaten anything. My unopened backpack full of homework sat on my desk chair and I dropped it to the ground before sitting down and booting up my computer. I checked my email and replied to one from Jake as I ate. Pushing my plate aside, I closed my email and picked up my iPhone. Might as well get it over with. As the phone rang, I moved to my bed.

"Hey." I could hear her moving around, probably getting comfortable like I had. "How's it going?"

"Pretty good, I just got back from my run and ate dinner. I need to call Edward but wanted to call you first."

"Before you say anything, Jasper, I want you to know I won't say a word to him, I swear. I know he and I have past that you and I don't, but I still consider you my friend, and if you ask me to keep a secret, I will."

"Even from Edward?"

She hesitated but finally said, "Yes."

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything. When, how…"

"Not sure I have time for all the gory details, but I can tell you nothing happened between us while he was with you. It was months after you'd broken up. He didn't cheat on you."

"I know," she sighed. "He would never do that. So when…"

"My birthday that summer. I was at his place. We were in the pool and I… kissed him," I said so quietly I wasn't even sure she could hear me.

"You just kissed him?"

"We'd spent a lot of time together, and there had been some signs, but neither of us ever said anything. I just hoped like fucking hell when I kissed him that he wanted me to."

"And he did, huh?"

"Yeah," I sighed happily , "he did. We went out on our first date a week later."

"But no one knows?"

"Alice knows because one morning she caught us—"

"Caught you?" she interrupted.

"Yeah, I'd slept over and she came in his room the next morning and saw us-"

"I don't need details, Jas."

"Sleeping, Bella, we were just sleeping, but it was the way we were sleeping. We were…close."

"Why doesn't he want to come out?"

"We've talked about it. Before the accident we'd always planned to come out after graduation because we would be going to college and it didn't matter if people in Forks didn't accept us, but then the accident happened…and now he says it's bad enough he's the crippled kid, he doesn't want to be the fag in the chair. He feels it would be a burden to his parents, and after all they've gone through, he doesn't want to put them under more stress," I explained softly.

"I'm sure they'd be fine with it. He's their son."

"I know. I agree, but he doesn't want to, so we haven't."

"But why didn't he tell me, Jasper? He used to tell me all kinds of stuff," she pressed gently.

"Because he didn't want to hurt you. He didn't want you think he'd never loved you or had lied to you. You know Edward, he's considerate like that."

"He thought I'd be mad?" She sounded more hurt over that than the thought of Edward and me dating.

"Maybe. Mad, hurt, upset. He felt bad enough he broke up with you, but then to tell you he was gay and dating me just seemed like salt in the wound to him."

"Jesus, all those nights I dreamt about getting back together with him, he was actually out fucking you," she sighed. The words were harsh but she said them calmly.

I didn't deny it. I was willing to open up to her about him and me, but some things were off limits, and our sex life was one of them. "Bella-"

"Don't," she snapped, stopping me, "just let me deal for a minute, okay? This is kind of big news."

"Okay," I said, nodding even though she couldn't see me. There was a long silence and if I hadn't heard her breaths I would have thought she hung up, but then she sniffled and spoke again.

"You've been together for almost two years?"

"Yeah."

"So it's love then, huh?"

I didn't think she was clinging to hope Edward and I were some fling or experiment, but I thought she needed to hear it directly. "Yes. I love him and he loves me."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Jas, but I still love him too. Not in the creepy stalker ex-girlfriend kind of way, but in the my-first-real-boyfriend kind of way. He'll always be important to me."

"I know," I answered.

It was in every look she gave him, every time she cheered him on at a game, or walked with him down the hall. Her friendship with him didn't mean she hadn't moved on, it meant she was mature enough to keep him in her life in a different capacity. Something very few girls her age were capable of doing. The more I got to know Bella, the more I understood why Edward had dated her, she and he were a lot alike.

"Are you sure he didn't tell me because he didn't think he could trust me to keep his secret?"

"I'm sure. He just didn't want to hurt you. Believe me, Bella, we've talked about it, even fought about it. I wanted to come out and he refused, but in the end, I'm going to do whatever he wants when he wants."

"You're whipped," she teased.

"I am," I admitted.

"When did you know you were gay? God, that sounds so weird to ask you," she chuckled.

"Right before I moved here. There was a guy in Texas I had a crush on for a few months. Whenever he was close, I …well, ya know, so I kinda figured it out."

"Is Edward you're first boyfriend?"

Boyfriend seemed like such an insignificant word to describe what Edward was to me. He was so much more than a boyfriend. He was the light and dark, breath and heartbeat.

"Yes. How did you know anyway?"

"About you liking him?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know. A bunch of little stuff. Mostly the way you look at him. Like at lunch the other day, you looked really tired and you had your head on your arms and your eyes were closed, but then suddenly they opened and you just looked at him and smiled at him like he was the only person in the room."

"His put his hand on my knee," I confessed before I could stop myself. "That's why I opened my eyes."

"It was stuff like that. And you're very protective of him, scary protective. Then today at the game, I don't know, just the way you watched him, and I heard you talking to him under your breath. Not many guys call their friends 'baby'."

"Sorry," I mumbled. I hadn't meant for her to hear me, hell, I hadn't meant to say anything aloud.

"It's okay. I admit it's wigging me out a little, but I'm glad I know."

"Do you think other kids suspect?"

"If they do, they haven't said anything to me. Besides, they're stuck in their own dramas. Thanks for trusting me, Jasper. You could have lied but you didn't."

"Welcome," I replied, relieved she didn't think anyone else knew. "Anything else?"

"Tons, but I know you want to call him. Can we talk again sometime?"

"Sure, just not when he's around. He can't know you know, he's dealing with so much since the accident, I don't want him worried about this too."

"I won't say anything to him or anyone else," she sighed, growing frustrated with my repetitiveness.

"Thanks. And for what it's worth, Bella, I'm glad you know. Though it is irony at its best."

"That the ex of the boyfriend is the first to know?"

"Yeah. We haven't exactly been close." I remembered the times I'd wished her to move far, far away.

"Maybe not, but I think we got closer since his accident."

"I should go, I need to call Edward."

"Okay, I'll see ya Monday. I won't say a word," she promised one final time.

"Thanks. See ya Monday. Bye."

"Bye," she said quietly before hanging up. I tossed my phone on my bed and exhaled. She seemed to take the news pretty good, but I felt bad she found out from me and not Edward. My eyes were closed when there was a knock at my door and it opened before I could say anything.

"You're not working tomorrow, right?" my mother asked, standing in the doorway.

"No, I'm hanging out with Edward. We've got a physics project we need to get done for the end of the year. I already told dad," I lied, opening my eyes and yawning. My vision was blurred from the long day, and I had to squint to see what was in her hand, and my breath caught in my throat when I realized what she was holding.

"You left them in the kitchen, I didn't want you to lose them," she said, letting my keys hang from her index finger. I was too tired to bother hiding the fear I was sure crossed my face. It wasn't the keys themselves that were a big deal - it was the keychain they were dangling from.

Saint Christopher.

I reached up and snatched them from her grasp, curling my fingers around the silver disk and fisting it in my hand. "Thanks."

"Who's the guy in the toga?"

Shit. She'd seen it.

"Saint Christopher," I replied.

"It's nice," she smiled. "Better than that spaceship you used to have."

"It wasn't just a spaceship, it was the Millennium Falcon, Mom," I corrected. Hadn't she grown up with Star Wars?

"Oh, right. God, Han was cute. I had the biggest crush on him."

"Ew, Mom, he's old enough to be your father. Go, I need to sleep," I said, shaking my head to rid the images from my mind.

"I work day shift tomorrow, dinner will be late."

"No problem, I might be late too."

"Night," she said, closing my door.

"Night."

Relieved, I opened my fist and saw the medallion in my palm, the edges of it having left an impression from my tight grip. Rolling onto my side, I leaned off the bed and fished blindly underneath it until I felt the fur I was searching for. Pulling it out, I lifted the Teddy bear and couldn't help but smile. It was dusty from its hiding spot, but I had to keep him there to avoid the questions he would surely bring. I wanted to put him on my dresser or on my bed and show him off proudly like everyone else who got something for Valentine's Day did. Instead, I kept him safely tucked under my bed, but always within reach. Brushing the dust off his blond fur, I cleaned him before kissing his nose and then setting him on my nightstand. Then I put my keys and the medallion in front of him.

If my mom had seen the picture on the front, she'd probably seen the engraving on the back. But she hadn't said anything, didn't even seem suspicious. Maybe she hadn't seen it, or didn't realize it meant anything. Maybe she thought it'd come that way and wasn't done on purpose. Maybe I was overreacting because I was so fucking tired. My sore body groaned as I returned to my back and picked my phone up again. It was a little after nine and I was due to pick Edward up in twelve hours.

Twelve really fucking long hours.

I needed to see him sooner. Hitting his speed dial number, I spoke the second I heard him pick up. "So, I was thinking about tomorrow-"

"Of course you were."

"—and I think we should leave earlier."

"How early?"

"I'll be there at eight," I answered. I really wanted seven, or hell, leave my house right then. I'd give just about anything to go to the meadow and spend the night there with him. Soon, I vowed to myself.

"I'll be ready."

"I can't wait to be alone with you," I admitted freely, as if I was saying 'hey, it was nice out today'.

"Me either."

"So…"

"So…"

"Whatta wearing?" Nothing would be better than rubbing one out to his attempt at dirty talk and then falling asleep to his heavy breaths.

"I love you," he sighed.

"I was expecting sweatpants and a tee shirt, but I'll take it," I laughed.

It wasn't the kind of dirty talk I was looking for, but it would do. For the next few hours, we talked about anything and everything, the details of his game to the Mariner's schedule. I never mentioned Bella or the conversation she and I had had, and he didn't ask. When it was time for his nightly routine, I made him take me to the bathroom with him and put me on speakerphone. I had an insatiable need to be with him even when apart, it was crazy and girly and all that shit, but I didn't care. A little after eleven, knowing I was going to succumb pretty damn soon I told him in a sleepy voice I loved him. He said he loved me too, right before he yawned and his breaths grew heavy.

Miles separated us, but that night, like all others, we slept together.

"**~~**"

It was more beautiful than I remembered.

Maybe it was the rare spring sun or colorful flowers swaying back and forth in the breeze, or more likely it was the boy next to me, but the meadow seemed even more magical than ever before. Sweat beaded on Edward's forehead and his chest heaved from pushing his chair up the path, but he'd done it. It was a good thing I'd led the way because if I'd been behind him, watching those arms work to push the chair, we would have never made it to the top without a pit stop or two along the way. Even though I wouldn't have minded carrying him, I was proud of him for making it.

I'd gotten up early, even before my alarm went off, and went for a three mile run. As soon as I was home, I quickly showered, ignoring my erection in order to save it all for Edward. Dressed, I packed my bag with stuff I thought we would need; my iHome, a blanket, a sweatshirt in case it got cold, and a few graphic novels. Carrying my bag, I went to the kitchen and made some Fluffernutter sandwiches, tossing them in a small cooler with grapes, sodas, cookies, and chips. Then I squished paper plates and napkins on top and zippered it up.

Fluffernutter sandwiches and graphic novels.

I was totally going to romance my boy.

Slinging both bags over my shoulder, I went to the truck and headed to Edward's. When I pulled into his driveway and my stomach growled, I realized I'd forgotten to eat breakfast. I could have grabbed something at the Cullen's, but instead, I rushed Edward out of the house and took him to breakfast at our favorite diner. Because of his chair, we sat at a table instead of a booth like we used, and ordered enough food for a family of four.

"Make sure you get enough protein," I reminded him as I poured maple syrup on my pancakes. "You're going to need it later." I winked, biting a piece of bacon. When he smiled, rolling his eyes, it lit up the entire diner and I knew it was going to be a perfect day.

Inhaling the scent of the flowers and surrounding woods, I said, "Smells so good. It's been too long."

"Yeah, it has," he agreed.

"Our strawberry fields forever."

Taking wide, crooked steps, I pressed down as much grass and weeds and even flowers as I could so Edward could follow me in the chair. I heard him pause a few times behind me to pull grass from his wheels, but he eventually reached me in the middle of the field, at our spot. Lifting him from the chair, I sat him on the blanket I'd spread out and then plopped down next to him. As soon as I started his playlist on the iHome, I turned to him, ready to ravage him over and over.

Kissing him, feeling his pliable lips so willing against mine, made my heart beat as fast as any race I'd ever run. My heart skipped the second his hand curled into my hair and when I moved my lips down his neck, the butterflies fluttered wildly around us and in my stomach. Finally, we were alone and he was all mine.

"I brought a surprise for you. Lay down," I said, handing him the sweatshirt to use as a pillow.

He did as I asked, and then I lay perpendicular to him, using his hip as my own pillow, and picked up one of the graphic novels I'd brought. Being sure to hold the book so he could see all the artwork, I began reading it, using the voices I always imagined in my head for the different characters. His fingers were my hair, seeking the purchase they always found there as he twisted the tangled waves. I could feel him drifting away from me, getting lost in the sensation of my hair against his skin and sighing in contentment, but with a clearing of my throat, he would mumble an apology and give me a coy smile. I continued to read until the sun was high in the sky and warming us with brilliant rays. Edward's hand never wavered, he never asked questions about the story, he just listened and touched.

The days we had left at the meadow were already diminishing. Graduation was only a little over a month away, and then we only had the ten weeks of summer before we would be going our separate ways. I would never dreaded the end of summer as much as I would then, not even when I was a kid and spent all day outside playing with my friends. When I let myself think about it, which wasn't often, I didn't know if I could go through with it and move to Oregon while Edward went to Seattle.

Forcing the thoughts from my head, I reminded myself we were there to celebrate, to spend time alone, and to give him head. When I was done with the book, I put it down and asked if he liked it. He chuckled and said comic books were my version of romantic poetry.

"Graphic novels, babe," I scolded him.

"Ya know you don't have to woo me anymore. I'm kind of yours already," he returned, brushing the hair out of my squinting eyes.

"Just want to be sure you stay that way."

"And reading graphic novels to me will do that?"

"That, and sucking your cock." I rolled onto my side and looked down at him. "Speaking of…."

"Was reading that your idea of foreplay?" He was trying to delay it, distract me with conversation but while my mind might be distracted, my cock never would be.

"It was like porn for geeks, didn't you see the guys in tight pants with huge bulges?"

He was silent, avoiding my eyes while his doubt filled his own. The nerves had returned, filling his body with an irrational fear. Didn't he know it didn't matter to me? It wasn't about whether or not he got hard, it wasn't about him coming, or even me tasting him again, it was about his trust in me to let me touch him freely like we used to. I understood his worry, his embarrassment, and honestly, if he was touching me and I didn't get hard, I would be embarrassed too, but for Edward it was different. It was medical, physical. It wasn't like he didn't desire me, his cock staying soft wasn't a sign of him not wanting me, it was simply his body's inability to react to the stimulation. Regardless of what his cock did, I knew his mind and heart wanted me, all of me.

And that was all that mattered.

But if he was too nervous, too scared, then I would wait.

"Babe, I want to do this, a fucking lot actually, but if you don't want to, if you want to wait, we can."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Wait? Fuck yeah, of course. I'll wait as long as you want."

Even forever.

Running his hand long my jaw, he admitted he was scared. I pushed myself onto my elbow so I could see his face better and asked what he was afraid of. His long fingers never left my hair as they parted the waves and tucked them behind my ear.

"Everything. Not feeling you, you not liking it. Not getting hard…"

Just as I had suspected.

"You don't have to be hard for me to give you head, baby. And c'mon, me not like giving you a bj? That's just crazy. But I can understand about not feeling it. I can't even begin imagine what that's like. But…you remember, right? What it felt like?"

"Sometimes I think so, other times, I don't know."

Angling my head, I studied him, looking into those grassy eyes that often enraptured me for hours, I judged his stubbornness. It wasn't he didn't want me to touch him, it was he was afraid of me not enjoying it if he couldn't get hard. But I knew Edward, as well as I knew myself, and I knew he was curious as well as scared. I knew he wanted to watch even if he couldn't feel, but I still wasn't sure if those desires outweighed his fear.

"How about we try it. If it bothers you, I'll stop." Pausing, I grinned, "and you can do me."

Before he'd was even finished nodding, I was straddling his thighs and undoing his jeans. He was laughing easily by the time I was tugging them down his hips. He might have been laughing at my eagerness, but the second I revealed his briefs outlining his cock beneath them, my own twitched and I licked my lips.

"Tee shirt off," I demanded and he obeyed, lifting his upper body and pulling his shirt over his head.

Jesus, he was fucking gorgeous.

Edward had always been hot, lean and slightly muscular, but his PT had added muscle to his muscle. His chest had expanded and tightened, defining his pecs. Shoulders that had been slim and average before were now wide and thick, each movement showcasing the muscles rolling under his skin. My gaze tracked down his chest to his abs. After years of basketball, they were in shape, but since he relied on his core strength so much more now, the lines between the small squares were deeper and sharper. Under his navel, a light trail of hair led to the elastic of his briefs, teasing me by going under them to where I wanted to be. Hungrily, I watched him as took off my own shirt before standing over him and undoing my jeans. Kicking off my sneakers, I stepped out of my pants and pushed everything aside. He stared up at me as I quickly stripped, his eyes drinking in every part of me as I bared it, but falling on my contained erection the longest. Dropping to my knees next to him, I stared at his cock.

The black cotton might have been covering it, but it hid nothing. I could see every line of his length, the ridge of the head and the thick vein running along the bottom. It looked fucking delicious. Unable to wait any longer to touch him, I let the tips of my fingers skim over his chest. He arched off the blanket,

already wanting more regardless of his nerves.

"I fucking love how responsive you are. I'm barely touching you," I murmured, continuing to tease him before bringing my eyes to his. "You sure?"

Instead of answering, he held my stare and grabbed my wrist, pushing it slowly down his abdomen to the soft bulge in his underwear. In a final act of permission, he released my hand and watched as I slipped my hand under his briefs and wrapped my fingers around his cock. He felt amazing, silky and thick and heavy, as I began to stroke him under the cotton. Wanting him to enjoy it as much as I was, I leaned down and took his nipple into my mouth.

"OH FUCK!" he cried out in surprise, lifting his back off the blanket to give me more access.

Before he lowered himself all the way, I slipped an arm under him, using it to hold him up so I could reach his nipples easier. The pebbled bud tightened under the attention of my tongue and teeth as I pulled it. Edward's head lolled back, having given into my ministrations along ago, he moaned and I felt it vibrate through his chest. Licking along the way, I dragged my unshaven jaw over his skin, scraping him in the best way until I reached his other nipple. Repeating my actions from before, I bit and licked. My hand never stopped moving over his cock.

The longer I lavished him, the more his head thrashed and the deeper his moans. Every part of him was tuned into what I was doing, focusing on the one inch of skin I worked, heightening his arousal. Against his back, I moved my fingers as much as possible, pressing into the taut flesh with my nails, earning me throaty growl. I was still trying to get used to my boy's new body and how it worked, and while I knew he liked what I was doing, it was hard to judge what was going on inside him. Before the accident, his cock would twitch, his legs would tremble, or his toes would curl, and I knew he was close to coming. It was different now, I had to pay more attention to the smaller details, the licking of lips, the way his eyes screwed shut, or how his breaths quickened. As I sucked his nipple, I felt a warmth on my back, lightly running up and down the dip of my spine. The simple touch, the fact he did it while I was touching him, turned me on and I groaned. Shifting my weight, I gave him better access.

"Fuck, babe," I gasped when he stuck his hand inside my underwear and groped my ass. My focus momentarily broken, I put my forehead on his chest while he kneaded my ass. Even if I'd wanted to, there was no stopping the moans I released.

I'd done my research on Edward's condition. I knew there were two types of erections, brought on by either thought or touch. While Edward's incomplete status didn't make it impossible for him to have a psychogenic erection, it wasn't as easy as before. More likely he would get hard from direct stimulation, by hand or mouth or…ass. I'd read pages and pages on websites and books explaining it was more difficult for a man with an incomplete SCI to become hard simply by seeing a sexy image or thinking dirty thoughts. They could still excite him, just in a different way. But once again, my boy went against the odds, because the second he ran his finger along the crease of my ass, his cock grew in my hand until it was completely hard.

Since I'd begun touching him, his cock had twitched a few times and even lengthened slightly, but it wasn't until he touched me so intimately, and heard my carnal reaction, that he become hard. I was pretty sure the images that went through my mind as his finger reached my hole were the same ones in his.

Me riding him.

My cock throbbed with the light touch of his finger on my ass and I realized I was panting for breath already. Kissing his warmed skin, I gradually moved my lips along his collarbone, licking the sweat shining on it, before reaching his ear. Sliding my arm out from under him, I buried my hand in his hair, gripping a fistful and tugging on it.

"So fucking hot. Feeling you in my hand, feeling you move under me, for me," I whispered huskily in his ear. My hand was still stroking him, even faster now he was hard. His eyes were still shut, he had no idea of the impressive erection he was sporting, he couldn't feel the pulsing or ache as it filled with need. "Babe, you're hard."

His eyes remained closed, almost as if he was worried about seeing but not feeling it. Leaving his ear, I returned to his nipples, biting and salving each one. I couldn't stop my body from rocking against his hand and spreading my knees further to let his finger reach the spot he was seeking. He was so close, the rough pad of his middle finger stroked the skin just behind my entrance. Groaning in both excitement and frustration, I took his brown bud between my teeth and twisted it hard. Encouraged, I released his cock and moved my freed hand to his other nipple, tugging on it roughly.

That did it. He fell over the preverbal edge and climaxed.

"Jasper, Jasper, fuck, Jasper…" he whimpered, his upper body trembling as he rode out the orgasm. I got harder hearing my name fall softly from his ripe lips as he came.

"Fucking hot when you come," I sighed as I moved to lie down next to him as he gradually returned to me. "Feel good?"

"Yeah. Really good," he smiled lazily.

"So…can I…" I bit my lip, internally pleading for him to say yes. Once he nodded, my body suddenly hummed with anticipation, I pressed my lips to his in a brief kiss before moving down his long body, settling between his parted legs. His hips were still as I lifted them to pull his underwear down over his ass. His cock hovered lowly over his abs as I ran my tongue over the vein along the bottom, just enough to let his musky flavor gather in my mouth. As much as I wanted to look at him, my eyes involuntarily closed as I lapped his length from base to tip, worshipping what I'd been denied for five very long months. The brief touches he'd allowed me since the accident were nothing compared to the freedom I had to touch him, lick and taste him at will right then. I laid both hands on his hips, even after all that time, still expecting them to buck up wanting more, and continued to flick my tongue over him. My own erection ached and I thrust my hips against the ground trying to get some relief. Opening my eyes again, I looked up the slopes of Edward's body and found his eyes closed tightly as his hands clutched the blanket. I reached up and pried his fingers loose until he turned his palm up. Threading my fingers with his, I ran my thumb over the back of his hand.

"Open your eyes, baby," he requested quietly but he shook his head, squeezing his eyes in defiance. "Please. I want to see you."

As eager as I was, I could feel his fear emanating from him, clashing with my own excitement in the air above us. He had no idea how fucking beautiful he looked lying there naked on the blanket with the sun sparkling off the thin layer of sweat on his skin. Sighing, he opened his eyes, but kept his gaze fixed on the blue sky above us.

"Look at me," I whispered before taking the head of his cock between my lips, wetting it as I took him deeper and reveled in the full, potent taste of him again. It seemed to take forever for his eyes to work their way from the sky to me, but they finally reached mine and we moaned in unison. While he continued to stare at me, I swirled my tongue over the head and dipped it in the slit, forcing out what fluid he had to offer. Firmly wrapping my lips around his cock, I filled my mouth with him.

"Fuck. Holy fucking shit."

Still holding his hand with one of mine, I grabbed his cock with the other and lapped up and down him, my eyes never leaving his. A bead of precum seeped out and I swiped it with my tongue, groaning as his essence flooded my taste buds. He watched as I released his cock and dragged my nose down it, inhaling his sweet scent mixed with sweat and nerves, until my lips were taking one of his balls into my mouth. I'd never tasted anything better, and I wanted to tell him but my own needs were overwhelming me as I continued to grind my cock in the blanket. Sucking on his sac, I tugged on the hot, wrinkled skin and closed my eyes. My hips were constantly moving, the coil eager to spring. When his fingers brushed my hair aside, I lifted my lids and found him watching me so intently I thought I might come. The fear from earlier had been replaced by wonder and desire, a look I'd longed to see fill him again. Then I noticed his body trembling again, the fingers he'd left in my hair began to tug on it. I was outright fucking the ground, lifting my hips and slamming them down as I devoured his cock. Dancing my hand up his abs, I reached for his nipple and tweaked it, knowing it was what he needed now. My mouth on his cock might be nice to watch, but it didn't do much for him physically. His erogenous zones had shifted, and it was his upper body that needed the attention to make him climax. I deep throated him, feeling the head of his cock slide past my gag reflex, and he shook.

"Jasper, fuck, coming," he grunted, pulling me over with him.

His orgasm plummeted through him everywhere above his waist. It was strange to see the pleasure on his face and know he was climaxing, but not feel his warm seed shooting down my throat. I swallowed reflexively as I would have if he'd come, but there were no more than a few drops of fluid that escaped him. Letting his cock slip from my lips, I dropped my forehead to his hip, gasping for breath. Two thrusts of my pelvis later, while he was still in the middle of his orgasm, my own rocketed through me, setting my insides on fire while my cock emptied in short, strong bursts. Tethering myself to him, I clutched his hand, gripping it as I came. Weak, I took in a few deeps breaths, the tingling from my orgasm still flowing through me, and lifted my head.

"Wow," I smiled. He returned it, and let his head fall back onto the sweatshirt as his hand fell from my hair to his thigh. "That was hot."

I crawled up him, and soon as I reached them, I captured his lips with mine in a possessive kiss. Not that he had any doubt who he belonged to, but a little reminder was always good. Lying flush on his torso, I threaded my fingers through his silky hair and ground my used cock against his. It was still hard and felt incredible along my overly sensitive one. We kissed for what seemed hours, until our lips were swollen and bruised and our moans grew louder. Breaking the kiss, I grinned and announced I was hungry. Rolling off him, I grabbed the cooler and unzipped it. I didn't have to look behind me to know he was feeling self conscious lying there naked and hard, and wanted his briefs back on.

"Don't even think about getting dressed," I warned.

"You're not naked."

Easily problem to remedy. I yanked my underwear off, wet cum stain and all, and kicked them aside.

"Now I am." I handed Edward a plate, then opened the cooler and pulled out the food I'd brought. "Lunch is served."

"Our first date."

I sighed. He remembered. Sometimes it was the small stupid stuff that made me love him more.

"Minus the pesky clothing," I teased.

We laughed and smiled and I attempted to sing. The sun warmed our skin, the food filled our stomachs, and the looks we gave each other melted our hearts. It was one of the most perfect days in a long time. The freedom of just being alone with him, touching him and being naked with him was amazing, and it made me feel sad. Having that freedom was something I'd been looking forward to when we lived together. But I needed to enjoy him right then and not to worry about the next day, much less the next year. My overstuffed Fluff sandwich was oozing from the crusts of the bread and with a wicked smirk, I leaned forward and held it out over his limp cock. He watched me with a raised brow while I waited not so patiently for the white marshmallow to fall onto him.

Stupid fucking Fluff.

"Aw, damn. Sorry, babe. Let me clean that up for you," I apologized when it finally landed on him. Leaning over, I licked the sweet stickiness of the head of his cock. I loved Fluff sandwiches, but I loved them even more with a hint of Edward to them. Laughing, he tugged on my hair until he was able to pull me off, and promptly pushed me onto my back. Sitting back up, I grabbed a cookie and handed him one.

"Did you make these?" he asked.

"A few days ago."

"They're really good," he said, crumbs spraying from his mouth as he spoke. He brushed them off his thigh and gave me an idea. Breaking off a tiny piece of the chocolate chip cookie, I held it over his lap and crushed it, dropping the crumbs onto his cock, still shiny from my licking off the Fluff.

"Oh, will you look at that? I'm awfully clumsy today," I giggled before bending over and lapping up every crumb off him. His hand found its way to my hair and I nuzzled his cock aside to make sure no cookie fell on his balls. When I straightened, he tilted his head.

"Done?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said innocently as I grabbed a grape and threw it into the air, catching it with my mouth.

"Sure you don't," he chuckled. "I think you've licked more food off me than you've eaten with your hands."

Leaning forward, I snuck a kiss. "Don't you know everything tastes better ala cock?" I tossed another grape up and it bounced off my nose and landed between his legs. My eyes shot to his. "Complete accident, I swear."

"Sure," he said, nodding knowingly.

"But since it's there, I better go find it. Don't want to waste a good grape."

"Jasper…"

I ignored him and searched for my lost grape, pushing his legs apart while I licked along the velvet of the inside of his thighs, paying close attention the one spot he felt, until I found the grape almost near his entrance. Groaning, I picked it up and bit it before kissing my way back up his leg.

"You could have used your hand," he suggested as I sat up.

"Where's the fun in that?" I pouted.

Once the sodas were empty and our sandwiches and snacks were gone, I packed up the remains. When I turned around, Edward was reaching over me for his duffle bag, telling me he brought something for me. Almost giddy with excitement, I tried to peek at what he was getting. I'd forgotten how huge it was until he pulled it out of the bag and I saw its length and fucking huge width.

"My turn," he said with a glimmer in his eyes as he held up the dildo.

"Baby…"

"Do you want to? It's just I can't make love to you, this is as close as I can get," he confessed quietly.

I hoped like hell he was wrong, that some day he could make love to me.

"It's so big," I mumbled, my eyes taking in the lifelike head and ridged length.

"I know. I remember."

Then it was me who was nervous, whose heart was racing. Before the accident Edward and I had planned on both bottoming and topping, wanting to experience everything. But when and if we ever made love, I was going to have to bottom, and it was something I was going to want to try sooner or later. He'd already taken a risk with me that day, shown me the trust I wanted, and I would do the same for him.

"I want to," I finally replied, cupping his cheek and kissing him.

Lying down in front of him, I hooked my legs over his and moved closer until my ass was tucked between his thighs. I felt completely vulnerable and exposed and wanton. Just lying like that and seeing the way he looked at me made me hard and he hadn't even done anything yet. Still, I was nervous as he dribbled lube on his fingers and slicked up my hole. When he inserted the first finger inside, I groaned and pushed down for more. Soon he'd added a second and was curling them inside me, brushing across my prostate. My upper body lifted off the blanket while I begged for more. Slipping his fingers from me, he readied the dildo with lube. I'd never had anything more than three of his fingers in me before.

"Just breathe," he whispered as he held my hand.

I used my other to grip behind my knee and lift my leg, exposing myself more. He held my eyes as he placed the silicone head at my hole and began to press it forward. "Aw, fuck, fuck, fuck," I cried out, digging my fingers into the tender flesh behind my knee.

It burned like nothing I'd ever felt, like I was being split in two. I swear I could feel every nerve ending as my entrance stretched and widened to accommodate the toy. Edward paused, waiting for me to give him the signal to continue. As slowly as possible, he eased the dildo in until he hit the resistant muscle. The pain increased, spreading through my entire pelvis. I tried to relax, but failed, my body instinctively resisting the intrusion.

"It fucking burns," I hissed through clenched teeth. "Splitting me in two." Remembering when I'd done the same thing to Edward in the same place, I exhaled long breaths.

"Want me to stop?" he offered.

"No!" I was going to do it, I wanted to do it. It was an experience I wanted to share with him, only him. I kept waiting for the pleasure to kick in. I'd watched porn, and while the bottoms sometimes looked like they were in pain, they always begged for more. It must feel good eventually. Another stinging pain rushed through me as he pushed the fake dick in further until there was nothing left. He left it still for a few minutes while I breathed through the sharp waves of pain.

"I'm going to move it," he said.

Our clasped hands rested low on my abs right above my limp cock. I was sure I was hurting him but I couldn't bring myself to loosen my hold. As he told me he loved me, he slid the toy out and then back in again. He repeated it a few times, always slow and gentle, as I began to relax under his soothing words. The burn remained, but faded to something different, and just like with the pain, the pleasure it gave way to was unlike any I'd known before. Then the tip of the dildo caressed my gland and my body exploded. My breaths quickened from the controlled ones and my cock hardened. Again and again, a sweet fire ignited inside me with each pass of the toy over my prostate.

"Fuck, babe, right there. Jesus," I groaned.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yeah, burns but…aw fuck!" The toy filled and stretched me so much more than his fingers ever had, and it made me desire to feel his cock inside me more than ever before. Letting go of my knee, I pumped my cock impatiently, each stroke bringing me closer. "Shit, feels so full…so full…"

Instinctively, my body began to respond just as it should, and I began thrusting my hips up and toward him to meet the dildo.

"More, baby, faster," I begged, barely conscious of doing so as I stroked furiously to meet his pace. Free to be as loud as I wanted, I groaned, pleading for more in a constant stream of airy words. I was so fucking close to coming, my cock ached with each pump. He angled the dildo again and struck me deep and I lost it. Holding his gaze, I squeezed his hand and grunted as my body gave in and my climax violently hurled through me. Never had I come so hard. In my hand, my cock erupted, emptying onto me as my ass clenched around the toy. It was still buried in me, and when my ass clamped around it, it was pulled in further and hit my sweet spot again and again, milking my orgasm. My entire body flexed and released with each wave of bliss until I fell back on the blanket gasping for breath. I was dimly aware of Edward pulling the toy out, but as soon as he did, I took his hand and pulled him onto of me, his legs tangling awkwardly between mine. Speechless, I just kissed him as deeply and securely as I could, moaning when our cocks rubbed and his hands found my hair as he rested his weight completely on me. I loved seeing his face look down at me, I loved seeing him above me.

"That was amazing," I whispered, breaking the kiss.

It had hurt like a motherfucker at first, but nothing could compare to how incredible it felt after. While the pain never entirely went away, the pleasure brought on by it far outweighed the discomfort. The only thing that would ever be better was the real thing and having Edward's cock buried deep inside me hitting my prostate in the same way. I now understood the looks on the faces of the boys in the porn I'd seen, the mix between pleasure and pain, and how it was all fucking worth it. I'd just come, my body was tired and used, and I still wanted more.

"When can we do it again?" I smirked up at him. He called me his slutty bottom boyfriend and I laughed and confirmed he might be right.

He rolled off me onto his back, untangling his legs from mine. I followed him, curling into his side and laying my head on his chest. Unable to resist, I let my thumb graze his nipple and smiled against his skin when he shivered.

It was utterly perfect. Everything about the day was perfect, from the sun shining to the lack of bugs flying around. Selfishly, I wanted more time like that with him. The freedom to be us, to lie naked and covered in cum, to not care how loud we were, or worry about getting caught if we fell asleep in each other's arms. I mean, wasn't that where we belonged? Forever in each other's arms? It was where I wanted to be, and hoped he did too. I hated that soon there would be a day when he would not only not be in my arms, but he'd be six hours away.

There had to be a way to keep him close even when we weren't together. We would have video chat and talk all the time, but it wasn't the same. Nothing could replace touching him. My eyes fell on the bracelet on my wrist, faded and worn from all the showers and daily abuse. The leather was soft and frayed in a few places, making it even more valuable. The simple braided band had seen a lot. It was a symbol of all Edward meant to me, all we'd been through together.

Edward lifted his hand to rest it on mine, and when our skin touched, I swear I saw the glint of gold around the base of his ring finger. My breath hitched in my throat as I blinked and focused on his hand again, finding no ring there. It had been in my imagination, but it didn't have to stay there. My stomach flipped with the thought, and I sighed.

"What's the sigh for?"

"Just thinking," I mumbled.

"About?"

I lifted my head and put my chin on his chest so I could see him. "Spending last night at home was awful. I mean, it wasn't awful, but it felt like a week not seeing you all night. I was just thinking if one night fell like fucking forever, how the fuck am I supposed to make it weeks on end?"

"It's not like you won't see me, love. We'll have the webcams."

"Yeah, yeah, and that's awesome, but babe, I want to feel you, like this. I want to roll over in bed and find you next to me no matter what time it is."

"I know, me too. I want that a lot."

"Then—"

Why can't I go to UW and be with you…

"No."

"Fucking stubborn boyfriend."

"Yep."

Closing my eyes, I sighed. Wearing rings on our hands meant something. It wasn't like the gift of a bracelet. To wear a ring meant to be married. Edward was mine, I was his, we knew that, and after graduation so would everyone else, so why not make it official? Why not show our commitment to each other in the form of wedding bands to let the world know we were spoken for, we were loved by another? I wanted to be guaranteed Edward was mine forever.

If we were going to be so far apart, knowing he was wearing a symbol of our love comforted me. I had thought about marrying Edward before, probably more than I would care to admit. I wasn't all girly in dreaming of the perfect wedding dress, but rather how it what it would be like to know he was mine in every way, and that he wanted it too. We'd talked about getting married, but neither of us had asked the other, we had just assumed it would happen. I wanted to make it official. I wanted him to know before we were separated for a year that he was undoubtedly mine and I was his. I realized I wanted it more than I'd ever wanted anything.

I wanted to be Edward's husband.

Opening my eyes, I licked my lips. "Edward?"

"Mmm?"

"I want to guarantee you're going to be there every day, even when we're apart. I know we're young, and I know, well I know we've mentioned it before but we've never…ya know done anything more than talk about it, and it wasn't even really serious, but…um…" I babbled uselessly.

"What, love?"

Pushing myself onto my knees, I rested my ass on my calves and took his right hand into mine. The sun shone on us, glinting off his burnished hair and curious green eyes as he stared up at me, growing leery with each second I didn't speak. In order to get him to be my husband, I had to ask him to marry me…and he had to say yes.

"Edward, will-will you-will you marry me?" I stuttered, but not because I was uncertain. I had never been more certain of anything it was what I wanted. It was his response I feared.

There was a second or two of shock, but he quickly smiled, the delicious crooked one that made me hard. "Love, I know that was an amazing orgasm, but…"

I shook my head. "It's the not orgasm talking, Edward. It's me. I want to marry you. I want to be your husband and know you're mine forever. I want to be able to kiss you freely, anyplace anytime I want and not feel guilty or ashamed about it. I want to know when we're six hours apart and you're sitting in a classroom full of hot pianists, that it's me you belong to. I want them to all know it too. I'm all in, baby."

Reaching up, he brushed back the hair that fallen in front of my face. "Jasper, we have all that now."

"I can't kiss you freely. People don't know you're mine, or I'm yours," I reminded him more sharply than I intended to. "We're coming out after graduation, right? So why not?"

"Jasper—"

"Don't say it," I warned him. "Don't say we're too young. You know age doesn't matter with us, not after all we've been through. It's about getting to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. All that matters is being together in every way we can. If not physically, then by marriage."

"Jasper, you don't have to marry me to know I'm yours," he said softly.

"I know, but I want to. I want to call you my husband. When I'm at school and people see the ring on my finger, I want them to know I'm taken by the most beautiful boy in the world," I whispered, my eyes searching his. His words spoke of practicality, but his eyes told me something else. They shined with excitement and possibility, a slight fear in hoping it might come true.

Tilting his head, his crooked smile turned into an amazing grin, slightly lopsided as his lush lips spread wide. "That does sound nice."

Exhaling, I bit my lip and repeated my question. "So…will you marry me, Edward?"

Then with one word, he made life worth living.

"Yes," he breathed.

I flung myself down onto him, pressing my lips to his through my smile. Happiness bubbled out of us both and our hearts raced in unison against each other. One of his hands went to my back, rubbing along it while the other went to my ass. Flush on him, I kissed him madly between burst of laughter. I don't think I'd ever been so happy in my life.

He'd said yes.

Fiancé. Edward was my fiancé. It sounded so fucking girly, but giving my giddiness over the thought, over one silly word, I was already acting like a girl anyway. Breaking the kiss, I lifted my head and sighed. "I want to get married this summer, before we leave for college."

"Okay," he nodded, "but there are a few problems with that."

"What?"

"Washington doesn't allow gay marriage, neither does Oregon."

"I'm not going to let that stand in my way," I challenged.

"My rebel," he murmured, kissing me.

"Damn right." I pulled back, putting so little space between us that I could feel his breaths on my wet lips. "They really don't allow it?"

"Nope. In fact, they don't even recognize it. We could get married legally in another state, but if we moved back here, they wouldn't accept it. Both states have domestic partnerships, but that's it."

Apparently, Edward had been doing his own research.

"You said a few problems, what's the other one?"

"I won't be eighteen until October."

"Fuck," I groaned, dropping my head. "So even if we did a road trip to someplace else to get married, you couldn't do it anyway."

"Not until October thirteenth." Defeated, I closed my eyes. He brushed the backs of his fingers down my cheek. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah." Not being allowed to get married didn't mean he didn't want to marry me. It wasn't like he said no. It was the government, people who didn't know or care about us, who said what we had was wrong and shameful. How little they knew. I refused to let some stranger stop me from marrying the boy I loved. "Let's get married anyway," I suggested.

"Where, love? No one will marry us."

"Then we'll get married here, in the meadow. Just you and me."

"Here?"

"Yep, right here. Our spot."

Smiling, he teased, "I was thinking someplace with running water might be nice."

"There's a stream on the other side of those pine trees," I reminded him.

"Not exactly the kind of running water I meant," he chuckled.

"C'mon, baby. Just us, here, saying our vows. Then you can sing our song and we can dance…" I trailed off, daydreaming a bit more with each suggestion. "We can buy rings and put them on each other. It might not be legal by the law but it will be for us. I can still call you my husband."

He stared at me for a few long seconds, his fingers tracing every line, every inch of my face before twirling the strands of hair around. "Okay, we'll get married here. Just you and me."

"All in?" I asked excitedly.

"All in."

"Dance with me?" I asked, pushing off him and standing up.

"Now?"

"Yep, I want to celebrate," I said as I squatted next to him. Before he could protest, I slid one arm under his knees and the other under his back and lifted him. Once his body fell against mine and his arms went around my neck, I stood, stumbling back a step on my post orgasm weakened legs. Edward's naked body rested against my chest as he let his fingers linger in the curls at the nape of my neck. The music changed to "All You Need is Love", and I began swaying us back and forth, singing as I did so.

He put his temple to mine, singing with me, although he actually sang in tune. My fingers rubbed the skin on his side and his knee as I held him tighter to me. My cock reacted to having his body pressed so closely.

"All you need is love…"

"All together now," I laughed, mimicking Paul in the background.

The song ended and changed to "In My Life", one of Edward's favorites. Laying his head on my shoulder, he kissed my neck, occasionally nibbling as I continued to move us in a small circle. The fragrance of the flowers floated around us, but all I could smell was him. The more his lips worked my neck, the harder I got.

"Babe, you better stop that."

"Why?"

"Because it's making me hard," I admitted.

"Do you want to fuck my mouth?" he mumbled brazenly against my neck. My knees almost buckled and my cock twitched at his offer. Right then, I wanted nothing more. "Hmmm, love? Maybe come down my throat, or on my face?"

"Fuck, baby," I groaned. His lips continued up my jaw, along the scruff there and then back to my ear where he sucked on the lobe.

"Wanna come again?"

"Yes," I gasped.

"Put me down," he said in a husky, demanding tone. As slowly as I could, I crouched down again and leaned forward, almost dropping him onto the blanket. He moved so his head was on the bunched up sweatshirt and motioned for me to sit on him. "Come fuck my mouth, love. Give it me."

"Jesus, where's this coming from?" I asked as I straddled his chest.

"What? I can't want to suck my future husband's cock?" he said, his eyes burning with a fire. Edward didn't talk dirty often, and when he did, he was usually embarrassed and blushed.

He lifted his arms, letting me get closer to his face, and put his hands on my hips. Gripping my erection, I guided it into his waiting mouth. Dark green eyes laced with desire gazed up at me as I pushed my cock passed his parted lips. Falling forward, I braced my hands above his head, giving me some leverage to thrust. Looking down my body, I watched him swallow my cock as I bucked into him. He sucked me hard when I paused inside him, his tongue licking everywhere before I pulled out again and began a steady rhythm. While one hand stayed on my hip, his other went to my balls and he tugged on them, trying in vain to hold off my climax. It didn't work, because the second his finger wandered to the skin behind my sac, my cock swelled. Jerking my hips back, I yanked my cock out of his mouth and watched as it twitched and emptied on his face, painting warm, milky stripes across his cheeks, nose, and lips. Moaning, his tongue darted out to lick along his lip, gathering my cum. I grunted with each burst while his fingers still teased my entrance. Edward was fucking sexy, but marked by me made him even hotter. With the last thrust of my hips toward his face, I collapsed, twisting myself to the side to avoid falling on him. Landing on my back, I put a hand on my pounding heart and took in gulps of air.

"Jesus, baby," I panted. Edward moved until his body was level with mine, his cum covered face looking at me with a very self satisfied smile. Reaching up, I swiped some of it from him with my thumb and placed it his lips. Promptly, he parted them and took my thumb inside, swirling his tongue and licking it clean. I repeated the action a few times until there was none left. "Why is so hot to see my cum on you?"

"Because you like making me yours," he answered simply, as right as ever.

"Mmm," I moaned.

Chuckling, he flipped onto his back, using the sweatshirt as a pillow, and closed his eyes. Like a magnet, I followed him. Rolling onto my stomach, I stretched out perpendicular to him and laid my head low on his abdomen, making sure I wasn't putting pressure on his bladder, my mouth and nose at the base of his soft cock. I could smell his manly scent as my eyes drifted closed. My hand rested on his thigh as rubbed his sensitive spot, and my elbow dipped between his legs. Just before a sated sleep took me, I felt his hand in my hair, holding it loosely as his breaths evened out.

"Love you," I mumbled.

"Love you too…"

I'd never been more comfortable in my life as we both fell asleep in our bed of clover.

"**~~**"

The sun had moved low in the sky when I felt a warm hand stroking my back. Fingers lightly grazed up and down my spine, and under my ear, his body vibrated with the song he was humming.

"You awake?"

I groaned, his scent filling my nostrils, then unable to resist, darted my tongue to flick along his limp cock. I felt high, my body drunk from the orgasms and sleep, and his one word answer of 'yes'.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked, his fingers, having never left my hair, toyed with the edges.

"Very," I said as I turned to face him. "Did you?"

Looking down his chest at me, he nodded. "I had a dream."

"A sexy dream?" I wiggled my eyebrows.

"Sort of," he replied cryptically.

Curious, I lifted my head. "Tell me. I want details."

The sun was pinking his skin. Having Texas blood in me, I only darkened in the sun, but Edward's pale skin tended to burn after a few hours. One thing I'd forgotten to bring was sunscreen. Maybe he needed to put his clothes back on, I didn't want any of his important parts getting burned. Then again, I could just lie on top of him and protect him from the sun with my body.

"Okay, but first I need to…um…I need to use my catheter."

"Oh, shit, I forgot, I'm sorry," I mumbled, bolting upright.

"I did too." He pushed himself up and reached for his bag.

"How did you want to do this?"

He opened his bag and pulled out a kit. "I can do it here if it doesn't bother you."

"Nothing you do would ever bother me."

Efficiently, he yanked on some gloves and attached the tubing to the bag. After cleaning the head of his penis with an iodine pad, he easily inserted the tube, pushing steadily with practice fingers. I wanted to give him privacy but I couldn't help but watch as his urine began to flow through the tubing and into the bag. It looked so uncomfortable but he didn't flinch once. The bag filled to about halfway and he pulled the tubing out a little before pausing. More urine traveled into the bag, and after a few minutes, he pulled it all the way out and clamped the bag closed.

"I don't know what do to with it," he said, looking around. "I'm afraid it will burst in my bag."

"Want me to empty it? I can take it over there," I offered, pointing to a wooded spot.

"You sure?"

"Yeah." I kissed him. "But tell me how to do it."

He explained the clamp and how to take the tube off, and then I took the bag filled with warm urine and walked over the edge of the woods. Doing as he showed me, I squeezed the bag toward the ground until it was empty. Returning to Edward, I handed it to him and he put it in his backpack.

"I marked our territory for us," I said with a laugh and he rolled his eyes. "Now about that dream."

He lay back down and I took my position again before he returned his hand to my hair, the strands slipping between his fingers several times before he spoke again. "I've had it a few times now. The little details change but the main part doesn't."

"Then tell me about the one you just had," I encouraged, sneaking a hand out to rest on his nipple. When I pinched it, he flinched and sucked in a breath.

"I was playing in a basketball game… wheelchair basketball," he clarified, "and you were there watching. The gym was crowded, there were lots of fans in the bleachers. I had a chance to make the winning shot, so I looked up at you and you mouthed 'you can do it'. So I shot and made it."

"See? I'm always right," I reminded him with a wink.

Smiling, he continued, "Then you ran down and kissed me in front of everyone, my teammates and all the people there. You said we needed to celebrate, so we left and went out the parking lot."

"Did I ravage you in the truck?"

My head bobbed up and down with the movement of his laughter. "Actually, no. We got into a van, my van, and I drove us home."

"Home?" I asked, confused. "Yours or mine?"

"Ours," he answered wistfully, brushing my waves off my face.

"Mmm, I love the sound of that."

"We were living together. We made dinner, then watched TV and took a shower-"

"It's getting better and better," I interrupted.

"After the shower, we went to bed—"

"Did I ravage you there?"

"Yeah, you did," he answered quietly.

"Did we…"

"Yeah. I was on my back and you rode me. We watched each other and I jerked you off until you came. Then I came and you didn't even get off me, you just collapsed on my chest and we fell asleep like that," he said. The pink tinting his cheeks wasn't just from the sun. Taking my fingers from his nipple, I moved them to his flushed cheek.

"That sounds like a really good dream."

"It was."

"That can happen, ya know. If you just let me go to UW with you," I scowled.

"It can happen in a year when I transfer to OSU," he retorted.

"And you say I'm stubborn? I've got nothing on you."

He only shrugged. "It'll go by quickly, I promise."

"Gonna be the longest fucking nine months ever," I sighed heavily.

He drew me to him for a kiss, pressing his lips to mine gently before murmuring against them. "We can do it."

I trusted Edward with everything I was, and if he believed we could do it, then I had to as well. We made out for a long time, soft, lingering caresses of lips and tongues with shallow breaths in between. My pelvis thrust forward when he wrapped his fingers around my growing erection. Using his free hand, he braced it behind him and pushed himself upright, placing my head in his lap. Gazing adoringly down at me, he swept my hair out of my eyes and pumped me once. My body responded with a whimper as my hips lifted to fuck his loose fist.

"Love, remember the first blowjob I gave you?"

"I came in about thirty seconds," I recalled. I remembered it like it had been the day before, the innocence in his green eyes as he took my cock into his mouth, the scrape of his teeth when I forced myself deeper. His mouth was so hot and wet and tight.

"Not sure you even lasted that long," he laughed, his hand tightening his hold on me. "Want me to make you come again?" Staring up at him, I nodded, bucking my hips up, and he smiled. "I love how shameless you are, how you just lie here letting me jerk you off."

Moaning, I bit my lip. Even though his hands were only in my hair and on my cock, it seemed like he was touching me everywhere, my body became a livewire with his words. He knew exactly what wanted, because he was good like that.

"I was so nervous giving you head that first time. I remember kneeling and looking up at you as I undid your pants. I was so embarrassed, but I couldn't look away. The way you stared at me was so fucking hot, made me so hard my cock ached. I remember thinking your cock would never fit in my mouth. Then while I watched you, I stuck my tongue out and lick the head. It was salty and soft and smooth like velvet."

I was trembling by then, pleading for more between gasps. His pace on my cock was steady, deliberate drags enough to get me to the edge, but not push me over.

"I pulled down your pants and made sure you were leaning against the door. We were worried someone was going to catch us. Then I licked your cock, and you begged for me to suck you. Your voice was so hoarse and sexy. I had no idea what I was doing, but I put my hand on your hip and held your cock with my other, and then opened my mouth…"

"More," I said in part growl part plea from his lap, looking up into his eyes as he worked me. His lips were swollen from all our kisses, and each time he spoke and I could see his tongue, my cock twitched in his hand.

"I leaned forward just a little, and you were so eager you jerked your hips and shoved your cock into my mouth, apologizing as soon as you did it. Like you couldn't control it, which was hot. I liked knowing I turned you on so much you couldn't control yourself. I remember thinking you tasted different, but really good. I let my tongue touch you, lap along the bottom, and then your hands were in my hair, and oh my God, it felt so amazing. I swallowed, and then you practically screamed you were coming and I felt your cock move and my mouth filled with so much cum so fast, I started choking. Remember?"

"Yeah," I said breathlessly. I remembered looking down at him through my haze and seeing my cum running down his chin with my cock still in his mouth. Maybe that was when I had become fascinated seeing my cum on his face. Without me having to beg him, he began stroking my cock furiously with a firm fist, giving me the hot friction I craved.

"Come for me, show me how hard you can come, my…fiancé," he murmured the last word reverently and it sent me reeling. It was almost the most perfect word ever, second only to husband.

My body contorted through the waves of the climax as they crested over me, cum jettisoning from my cock in long, thin streams, decorating my abs and his hand until there was nothing left me. The muscles that had been tense as I had neared my orgasm relaxed and I sank into his body and the blanket. Edward continued to milk me with a lazy rhythm, and I shuddered until I finally had the strength to reach down and grab his wrist to stop him.

"Had enough?" he smirked.

"Never, but need a few minutes," I rasped.

"I'll never get tired of seeing you come."

"Good thing, because I plan on doing it a lot." Raising my upper body, I curved a hand behind his neck and forced him to meet me half way in a heated kiss. When he finally lifted his head, he glanced around, noting the setting sun over the tree line.

"We should head down before dark," he said.

"I don't want to go," I whined.

"Me either, but we've got school tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure you haven't done your homework yet."

I sighed and shook my head. "It's just been too perfect to leave. I want it like this forever."

"Me too, and someday it will be. But for now, we should get dressed and head home."

I hated his practical side, but nodded and sat up anyway. It took some time to get dressed and pack up our things. When I lifted Edward into his chair, he kissed my neck.

"We smell like cum. They're going to smell it on us when we get home."

"I don't care," I replied, setting him in the chair.

We still had a half mile walk down the path, I had more than enough time to tell him about my mother finding the keychain and Bella, but I didn't want to. It had been beyond a perfect day without any thoughts or distractions of the outside world. Until then, I hadn't thought of anyone besides Edward, and I wanted him to have thought of no one but me. I wasn't going to tarnish the day with a possible argument. There would be plenty of time to tell him another day.

Slinging the bags over my shoulder, I looked down at my beautiful boy, his cheeks still colored from the sun and love making. "Ready?" I asked, holding out my hand. He took it and let me hold it a few strides before he had to let go to push.

It seemed far too soon before I was pulling into his driveway under the darkening skies and helping him into his chair. When I went to follow him inside, he stopped me.

"Go home, get your homework done," he instructed, leaving no room for debate. Leaning against the truck, I pouted, giving him my sad eyes, but it didn't work. The corners of his lips curled up, but he shook his head. "Love, you need to get it done. I'll see you in the morning."

"Fine," I grumbled, then bent over and leaned close. "Thank you for letting me suck you again. I love you."

"Mmm, welcome. I love you too," he murmured.

"I'll call you later."

"After your homework is done," he said as he pushed toward the ramp.

"Yeah, yeah. Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love."

I got into the truck and waited until he was inside before turning the key in the ignition and pulling out of the driveway.

Shifting into park in front of my house, I got out and grabbed my bag and cooler from the back. My legs were still weak from the orgasms, remnants of them still trickling through me as I went inside.

"Jas?" my father called out.

"Yeah," I said, walking into the living room to find him sprawled on the couch watching television. After Edward had said they would be able to smell us, I made sure to stay several feet away.

"Did you get the project done?"

Apparently my mother had told him. "Yeah, mostly. I've more to write up tonight, but the hard stuff is done." I should have felt guilty for lying, but I just accepted it as part of my life now. Keeping Edward a secret, keeping my sexuality, part of who I was, a secret. "Where's mom?"

"She got an OT shift tonight, someone called in sick. I ordered pizza for dinner. There are leftovers in the fridge if you want some."

"Thanks, I'm starving."

He looked at me, his eyes roaming up and down me in a different way and I shifted side to side. "Are you feeling okay?"

Way more than okay.

"Yeah, why?"

"You look a little flushed."

"Oh, yeah, um, we were outside by the pool at Edward's. Probably just from the sun." More lies. My cheeks were red because I'd come four times with my boyfri-fiancé. Even though my dad's eyes narrowed at my lie, he nodded. "I'm gonna grab that pizza and go get that paper written."

"Okay, have fun," he chuckled and turned back to the TV.

Bolting to the kitchen, I took the pizza box and two Cokes from the fridge and went to my room, closing the door behind me. I tossed the food into my bed and dropped my bags on the floor before falling onto my mattress.

I spent the next two hours doing my homework like Edward had told me to, while finishing off the pizza and two sodas. By the time I crawled off my bed to take a shower, I was constantly yawning. My shower was quick, washing my hair and rinsing cum off me before I got out and dried off. It was almost ten by the time I picked up my phone to call Edward.

"Hey," he answered sleepily. "Get your homework done?"

"Yep. I've got some reading left, but fuck it, I'm too tired."

"Me too."

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for saying yes," I said, wearing a silly grin as I laid my head on my pillow.

"Thanks for asking me," he whispered happily.

"Fiancé. Have to admit it sounds hot, doesn't it?" I giggled.

"Not as hot hearing my fiancé is naked in bed."

"I am in bed but not quite naked."

"Want a bedtime story?"

"Yeah." I snuggled down into my pillow and braced the phone against my ear and listened as Edward got comfortable. "Okay, I'm ready."

"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away there were these two boys who were madly in love…"

Edward continued with the story in a sweet, tired voice, and I shivered with happiness when I realized it a voice I would get to hear every night for the rest of my life. My heavy lids covered my eyes and I smiled when he went into detail about how one boy saved the other. His words grew fainter as sleep took me from his grasp, promising to return me the next morning.

"**~~**"

"You look hot, fiancé," I whispered in his ear as I sat him in the truck. Blushing, he stuffed his bag on the floor before moving over to the middle. After his chair was in the back, I got in and buckled up. "Another exciting day of school. Yippee."

"Not many left though."

"Thank God."

He kept his hand on my thigh until we reached school. Then he moved over as I pulled into a parking space. Once he was in the chair, we turned to head inside and found Bella leaning against the back of her old truck watching us. Our eyes met, and I hoped she heard the silent warning I was sending her. I fucking hoped like hell she was going to keep her word. Edward was observant and would notice immediately if something wasn't right. Bella bounced over, a smile on her face as she greeted us, her eyes meeting mine for a bit too long. The three of us walked in together, my heart pounding more with each step.

The morning went by pretty fast, I was able to partially focus on my classes, though every other word I heard was 'fiancé'. After my WWII class, I headed to meet Edward for lunch.

"Hey," I grinned as I approached him in the corridor just outside his music class. It didn't take much to make me happy, just the way his eyes brightened when he saw me was enough.

"Hey." He gave his chair a push when I motioned toward the lunchroom. "I was thinking in class."

"Good as place as any to think," I teased, giving him an amused glance.

"And I don't think you should come over today," he announced coolly. I stopped short and the kid behind me bumped into me. I snarled at him and he ran off.

Fucking freshmen.

"Why?" I growled at Edward.

"Because I've got PT and it will be a long session. I also have a shitload of homework, and I know you do too. I should practice on a few pieces on the piano because my first lesson is in a few weeks."

"I can watch or do homework or something."I said, following him when he rolled away.

"I'll be really tired, Jas, and regardless of what you say, I know you're tired too. It's just better this way."

I was tired, I wouldn't deny it, but I was always tired, that wasn't going to change, it was just something I needed to learn to live with. "Fuck, no it's not. Baby," I said softly, trying a different approach, "we're kind of on borrowed time here. I don't want to spend a second, much less another night, away from you. This will make three nights in a row."

"I know you don't, neither do I, but it will give us a chance to get some stuff done, and if PT runs late, you won't be stuck waiting for me."

Didn't he know I'd wait a thousand years for him?

"Fine," I snapped, walking faster toward the cafeteria. I knew I was acting like a spoiled child, but I didn't give a shit. The day after I'd asked him to marry me, he tells me not to come over to his house. How could he think I didn't want to spend every free second available with him? I didn't care if I had to wait for PT, I just wanted to be near him.

We reached the lunch line. Edward was right behind me and we went through like usual. I filled our tray with stuff, glaring at the lunch ladies as I did so. "You'd think after five months, you would have been able to figure out how to solve this problem," I bitched to them as I walked by. Behind me, Edward cringed. There was a tension in the air that followed us to our table where I slammed the tray down. Newton and Angela jumped.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Fine," I replied curtly.

I sat in my spot, ignoring Edward as he reached for his food. Opening my milk, I drank it in one gulp and wiped the remainder off my lip before setting the carton down. Bella came over, sitting next to Mike and opening her juice.

"How'd the game go?" Newton asked Edward, but before he could answer, Bella spoke up.

"Oh my God, it was awesome. Edward was amazing…"

She continued to fill them in on all the details of the game while my stomach clenched with each word she said. I was so fucking afraid she was going to slip and say 'and they're in love', but she never did. When she was done, her eyes fell on me in a long, knowing look. Narrowing mine sharply, I returned her stare, warning her once again. She glanced at Edward, who was looking down at his food, before turning back to the other kids. Newton asked Edward a few questions about the game, and Edward answered politely, but I knew it was the last thing on his mind.

Lunch ended and I picked up the tray to empty it before we left. When I looked down at it, I realized neither Edward nor I had touched our food.

"Fuck," I mumbled to myself. I returned to the table and found Edward and Bella waiting for me. Heading out of the lunchroom, I let Edward wheel a head of us before grabbing Bella's elbow.

"Stop with the looks," I warned her coldly.

"What looks?" she asked, yanking her arm from me.

"The ones like you know something no one else does."

"Fine, no more looks," she said under her breath. "I said I wouldn't say anything and I won't." Then she sped up to catch Edward.

Was there anyone I wasn't going to piss off that day?

We jointly suffered through gym and the baseball game we were supposed to be playing. Edward barely looked at me, and I tried to pretend I wasn't hurt about it. It was my fault, but I was too mad to do anything about it. I wanted to wallow in some teenage angst for a few hours. I was his fucking fiancé, and I didn't like being told not to come over when he knew how much I needed to see him, especially after what had happened in the meadow.

Gym ended and Edward didn't follow me into the locker room like he usually did. Instead, he gave me a little nod and a glance of his sad eyes before he turned and pushed toward the exit. In the locker room, I smashed my fist into the metal lockers as I walked by them, making everyone around me jump and stare at me. I changed for practice and went down to the track, barely stretching before I broke into a fast run.

By the time I hit two miles, my lungs were burning and my legs were throbbing in protest. I wasn't pacing myself at all, I was at an all out sprint the entire time. Pumping my arms, I pushed myself even faster, wanting the sharp pain that invaded my entire body. The more I ran, the angrier I became. Edward thought whatever he said was how it was, but that was bullshit. I had a say in whether or not we saw each other. If I wanted to skip my homework or not sleep, that was my decision, not his.

As I neared four miles, I became lightheaded. Slowing to a walk, I locked my hands behind my head and took in deep breaths to gradually ease the sting in my lungs. Spotting my coach, I went over to him.

"I'm going to head out, I just finished a little over four miles."

"Okay, see you tomorrow. Oh, don't forget the meet on Thursday changed time," he said.

I'd completely forgotten we had a meet that week. "To what?"

"We're leaving for Elma before last period."

The look of panic must have been on my face, because my coach asked me if I was okay. I mumbled a reply and turned to leave. I wasn't even a few steps away before I broke into a sprint to get to the gym. Not even bothering to change, I grabbed my bag and headed for the truck. Tossing my bag on the seat, I got in and turned the key, shifting into drive and pulling out of the parking lot before I'd even buckled up. I drove too fast, letting the frustration fester in me, and even ejected his CD and put on a classic radio station, turning it up loudly. I was halfway home when "Maybe I'm Amazed" came on the radio.

"FUCK," I yelled in the cab, slamming my fist down on the steering wheel. Coming to a stop sign, I looked both ways before turning the wheel tightly and doing a U-turn. Sweaty, hungry, and breathless, I headed to Edward's. I needed to see him, even if it pissed him off.

After breaking several speeding laws, I pulled into his driveway only a few minutes later and parked next to Emmett's car. I was going to have to wait until Edward was done with PT to really talk to him, but at least I could see him, let him know things were okay. Getting out, I bounded up the steps to his house. I smiled when I heard the eighties music as I entered and quickly headed through the kitchen to the dining room.

Pushing the door opened, I gasped in shock, my tired gaze automatically going to my boy.

There was something very different in the room. It wasn't the strange bag on the floor or the new equipment in the corner, or even Emmett's arms around Edward. What was different was Edward himself.

My boy was standing.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Did you miss them?

Winter's Night won a few Hopeless Romantic Awards: Best Kiss, Best Daddisle, Best Original Storyline, and Best Title. M&A won Best Swinger (non canon pairing sex sequence), Best Original Character (Spencer!), Best Adapted Twi Character (Riley), and Best Non Canon pairing.

Banners are on my profile, a full list of nominees and winners can be seen here http:/hopelessromanticawards DOTblogspot DOT com/

Thank you to all that nominated and voted, congratulations to all the other winners as well. It's to see slash represented with het fics!