Evie sat alone on the jet on the way back home. She hadn't spoken much at all since she had shot the unsub in the theater. She constantly felt sick. There was so much blood. It wasn't like she hadn't seen blood before, but it was never caused by her. She had splattered it everywhere. She had buried the bullet in a human being skull. She had never felt so... scared of herself in her entire life. She had just ended another person's life. She put a hand over her stomach that was churning, threatening to send her dinner back up. She didn't know whether to cry, or scream, or throw up. She didn't do any of those. She just sat there, numb.
She could feel Spencer keep glancing over at her from his seat diagonal from hers, across the aisle. He had saved a seat for her before she got on the plane, but she needed to think alone for a while. Luckily he gave her some space. The events of an hour ago went so quickly. She remembered the unsub lunging forward, and before she knew it, she had pulled the trigger. The sound of the deafening bang seemed to still echo in her head. She tried to shake away, but nothing worked.
Spencer had rushed in after that, Rossi behind him. She couldn't even quite remember what he was saying. She remembered hearing someone say she was in shock. She guessed she had been.
Evelyn had no idea how much time went by on the plane while she stared out of the window at the dark night, wallowing in her thoughts. Sometime after take off though, Rossi appeared in the seat across from her. She kept her eyes outside of the window, watching him clasp his hands together on his lap out of the corner of her eye. He watched her silently, seeming to wait until she recognized his appearance. Finally she did turn, giving him a small forced smile.
"So... Do you want to talk?" Rossi asked, sounding as if there wasn't much of a choice anyway. Evie sighed and looked down at her lap, trying to find the words to speak. What was she supposed to say? She just killed a person.
"I ended someone's life, Rossi." she bluntly restated her thoughts. She looked up to see his reactions. His face stared sympathetically back at hers, his eyes sparkling with a friendly gleam that told her that he understood. She knew he did. Everyone on that plane understood.
"You protected yourself." he corrected, looking deep into her eyes. Evie looked back, knowing he was right. But... she killed someone. She did exactly what the people they chased down do; kill.
"Evelyn..." Rossi began, sitting further forward in his seat to get closer to her. She listened intently, wanting anything to make her better in that moment. He took a deep breath and she knew she was about to get one of the famous Rossi speeches.
"You did exactly what you had to do. One of you was going to make it out alive. There was no other way. Now, you aren't expected to just be okay with killing. We are human. It's not supposed to make us feel okay. But if it means that you can live your future years with the ones you love..." he said, tilting his head to the side to gesture towards Spencer. "... then it's worth the sacrifice. I'm not saying you will ever get used to it. If you did, then well... that's when you become the monsters we hunt. But I know that won't happen. Once you can accept the fact that you did what you had to do, it will help you sleep better at night." Rossi said, patting her knee. Evie took a deep breath, feeling like she was breathing out all of her awful feelings. She knew he was right. She would never feel comfortable with this, but it was part of the job.
"I'm going to go take a nap before we land. I suggest you try the same." Rossi suggested, giving her one last glance with his sparkling eyes before he rose out of his seat and made his way back to his seat across from Hotch.
"Rossi," Evie called before he could get to far. He turned back with his eyebrows raised expectantly. "Thank you." she said, giving him a small smile. He smiled back and nodded, carrying on down the aisle to his seat. Evie turned back to look out of the window. She knew this job wasn't going to be easy. If she didn't have the team and Spencer, she didn't know what she'd do.
Speaking of Spencer, she felt someone slide into the seat next to her. Evie turn to see Spencer looking up at her through unsure eyes, obviously worried about how she'd react. Evie let out another breath and reached forward to take his hand in hers. Spencer gave her a sad smile and leaned forward to kiss her forhead She savored the feeling of his warm soft lips on her skin. This is what she would've given up if she hadn't taken the shot. She knew she did the only thing she could. It didn't get rid of the guilty feeling inside of her, but it was enough.
"Want to talk about it, or no?" he asked soothingly, looking into her eyes. Evie bit her lip in thought. She realized she really didn't. She just really wanted to be with him.
"No, just hold me." she said, letting herself fall into his chest. She heard Spencer chuckle as he wrapped his arms around her. She took a deep breath of the smell of Spencer. He kissed the top of her head and tightened his arms. God, she loved him.
"Oh my gosh, what if we get him a little vest so he can be like his Uncle Spencer?" Garcia chirped excitedly, bustling through the aisles of the kid's store in the middle of the mall. She already had three bags filled with things for Henry. Her and Spencer had gone Christmas shopping every year for Henry since he was born. Spencer just followed her around and let Penelope do the choosing while he just agreed and then paid for whatever he needed to. He really didn't like shopping, but luckily Garcia was a pro. Otherwise, he'd be lost without her.
"Didn't we just get him one?" Spencer asked, looking at the filled bags she already carried. Garcia froze and frowned in thought.
"Huh, I think you're right." she said, putting the small vest back on the rack. Spencer chuckled and shook his head. They had so much stuff that she was forgetting what they'd already gotten.
"Oh! What about this little bird stuffed animal? Henry likes birds!" Garcia said, clicking in her heels over to a display of different stuffed animals. Spencer let an amused smile cross his face as he followed her, shrugging his shoulders.
"Sure. You are the creative one here." He reminded her. Garcia examined the little bird stuffed animals and turned it around in her hand, nodding with approval.
"Yeah, I think he'll like this." She concluded, adding it to the toy trucks and clothes that they were already about to buy. She looked around the store again, and Spencer knew she was itching to buy something else. "Do you think that's enough?" she asked more to herself then to Spence. He looked at her armful of bags, reaching forward to take one off of her hands.
"Yes. I think that's enough, Garcia." he said, taking another bag from her hands to hold. Garcia smiled at Spencer at his sarcastic tone. He knew before she even opened her mouth to speak that he was about to get the whole 'I need to spoil my godson' spiel.
"And yes, I know. I love spoiling Henry too. JJ is going to kill us if we overspoil him though, and you know it." He said through a half smile as they made their way to the counter. Garcia sighed and nodded. It had taken from eight AM to now noon to finsih their shopping. Spencer prepared himself for an afternoon of wrapping too.
On the way out of the store, their items bought and Garcia and Spencer carrying colored shopping bags, Garcia's phone rang. Her hands were full with bags of toys and clothes so she struggled to get a hold of her purse. Spencer chuckled and took more bags off of her hands so she could reach into her purse and grab her ringing phone. She gave him a grateful smile before answering. Spencer really hoped it wasn't a case.
"Hey, you." Garcia said, a smile spreading across her lips. "How's it going? Mhm... Mhm... Oh, you do know how to spoil a girl... Yes, my chocolate thunder." she said, carrying on a conversation with what had to be Morgan. Evie and Derek had gone... somewhere while Spencer and Garcia were out shopping. Evie had told him it was top secret business with her evil little smirk. Spencer knew she had been sneaking around, trying to avoid him finding out what she was getting him for Christmas. He honestly had no idea, but she seemed really excited.
"Alright." Garcia said to Spencer after hanging up the phone. "Derek and Evelyn are going to meet us Ciatti's for lunch at twelve thirty. We have time to go pick up the necklace beforehand." She told Spencer, beginning to walk into the bustling crowd of the mall again.
Evie had her sights set on one specific necklace for a long time. She could never find it, and Spencer hadn't had much luck either for a while. He ended up having to get it shipped in from France at one of the jewelry stores here. It was definitely worth it to make her happy, and it was a gorgeous necklace.
Once they made it to the store, it was pretty packed. Garcia pushed through the crowd first, accidentally hitting people with her bags and shouting sorry a million times over and over again. They finally made it to the counter where a bored looking man with glasses lying far down on his nose looked at them.
Spencer signed all the papers and paid for the shipping and the necklace itself. They gave it to him in a tiny little gift bag with a case inside. Garcia squealed with excitement from beside him upon looking at the tiny package.
"You are too cute, wonder boy." she said as they exited the shop. "Can I see it?"
Spencer stopped at the edge of the giant hall of the mall to fish out the little box. He opened it to show the the ruby heart-cut gem stone held in a winding white gold frame with small diamonds lining the frame. Garcia squealed again and beamed in her bright pink lipstick. She carefully touched the pendant of the necklace with her bright purple nails.
"It's gorgeous, Reid." She breathed.
"Thank god she kind of picked it out herself subconsciously. I would have no idea how to shop for a girl."
"Oh girls are easy. Come to me anytime you want." Garcia assured him as they began walking to lunch. On the way there, Spencer started to feel pain flare up in his side around his rib cage. He still felt pain there sometimes out of no where. It was right around where he had broken a rib, and it had been a pain to heal in the first place. It wasn't just a quick shoot of pain like usual though, this time it felt as if Spencer could feel the unsub's kick land right into his chest. Suddenly he wasn't in the brightly lit busy hall of the mall. He was in a blurry dim room with cement walls and floors. He could hear the chuckling of the unsub above him as he repeatedly drove a pipe into his chest and back and...
"SPENCER REID!" Garcia's voice infiltrated his flashback. Spencer blinked and suddenly he was in the mall again. He was standing on the side of the hall with Garcia gripping his shoulders so tightly that it was starting to hurt. His eyes were wide and staring off into the distance at nothing and his breathing was completely out of control. He looked into Garcia's frightened eyes and surprised expression. "Oh my god, are you okay?" she asked in her famous high pitched worried Garcia voice. "You- you just stopped and started breathing really fast and you weren't answering me and- and-" she continued to ramble on.
"Garcia..." Spencer said, halting her mumbling of endless words. She looked to him with her eyes still wide. "Please, please don't tell Evie about this." he said through pleading eyes. Garcia opened her mouth as if to say something and shook her head.
"Spencer, you can't just pretend this isn't happening. You just had a panic attack! We all know you aren't entirely okay. You can't just-"
"Yes I can. I'm fine. It's getting better, I don't need help." he said a little more aggressively than he meant to. He instantly regretted it and sighed, his features softening. Evie couldn't find out. She'd worry and blow it out of proportion. He was fine. He was going to get better on his own.
"Please, Garcia. I'll- I'll tell her if it happens again." he lied. She frowned and closed her mouth, eyeing him suspiciously.
"I don't feel right not telling her." Penelope said. Spencer gave her his best puppy dog pleading eyes.
"Please. Don't let it ruin Christmas. I'll do it afterwards." Spencer asked hopefully, watching Garcia mull it over. She closed her eyes in frustration and took a deep breath, shaking her head and making her bouncy blond curls flow over her shoulders.
"Fine, fine... But if you don't tell her soon, I will." Garcia said. Spencer nodded, avoiding eye contact. Garcia technically wasn't a profiler, but she knew her fair share of tells when someone was lying. Even Spencer could tell he was showing it. Before she could notice he began walking once again to lunch.
"I can't believe we got it." Evie said, holding the bag with Spencer present in it. Some guy that Morgan knew had 'connections' in getting old memorabilia and hard to find items. Spence had most first editions of Charles Dickens works, but it was driving him insane that he didn't have one for Great Expectations. Evie tried to find one available that wasn't thousands of dollars, and luckily Morgan was able to set her up. It was still expensive, but so much better than getting the one for twenty thousands of dollars by one seller she found online.
"Pretty Boy will love it. You did good, kid." Morgan said, turning to wheel to turn the car into the mall parking lot.
"I couldn't have found it without you. Thank you so much." Evie thanked for the millionth time that day.
"Don't mention it." Morgan said, parking as close as he could with the tons of cars around them. They found Garcia and Spencer easily at the restaurant. They had to have at least six bags of things with them. Evie knew Garcia and Spence loved to spoil Henry, but she didn't know the full gravity of it until she saw how much stuff they had piled up around them at the table.
"You took spoiling to the next level." Evie said, sliding into the booth next to Spencer, gawking at all of the clothes and toys.
"That is one lucky kid." Morgan agreed while sliding into the booth across from them with Garcia who smiled down at the gifts proudly.
"Garcia deserves most of the credit." Spencer said, looking at all of the items as well, smiling with sparkling eyes. Evie loved when he smiled like that. She knew he was thinking of Henry. She couldn't get over how good of a father he'd be someday.
He caught her looking at him and gave her a confused smile. She just pecked a kiss on his cheek. They all had a great lunch. It was almost like having a couple to double date with except for the fact that Pen and Derek weren't dating. Evie hadn't met Savannah yet, but she heard she was wonderful. She wasn't surprised. Morgan used to love having lots of girls around him at once, it must've taken a very special one to have him wanting to spend forever with just her.
Later that day after they had all helped wrap Henry's presents, Evie and Spencer walked through the door. Evie dropped her bag on the counter and let herself flop down on the couch. She sighed and stretched out, still tired from getting in late last night from the case and getting up early this morning to pick up Spencer's present. There was still a small part of her that kept poking at her chest with the knowledge that she had killed someone, but whenever it got bad she just crawled into Spencer's arms and everything seemed suddenly so much better.
She glanced over the back of the couch to see Spencer frozen in the middle of the kitchen, his eyes slightly wider than usual like he was staring at something that wasn't there. Evie frowned and tilted her head to the side.
"Sweetheart?" she called out to him. No response. She sat up on the couch, leaning forward to get a better look at his face. "Spence!" she tried again. He jumped and looked at her through scared eyes.
"Wh- what?" he asked. Evie frowned at him and stood.
"Spence, are you okay?" she asked, watching as he fidgeted uncomfortably and fiddled with the hem of his cardigan without looking up at her.
"Y- yeah. Just-"
"Tired?" Evie instantly finished his sentence. She'd heard it so many times before. She knew he was lying. He always fidgeted and diverted his eyes to everywhere but her own.
"Yeah." Spencer said, glancing up at her but then instantly down again. Evie sighed and walked around the couch to where Spencer stood in the kitchen. She knew he sensed her coming, he tensed and still when she put a hand on his arm.
"Spencer. Please tell me the truth." she said, tilting her head to the side, trying so hard to sound as comforting and calm as she could. Every time she asked, she had hopes that Spencer would finally break and tell her what was making him not okay. Every time, her hopes were torn down.
"I'm fine, Evs." he said, looking up at her with glimmering eyes. She could see through those eyes though. She could see that he was lying.
"Spence..."
"I'm fine, okay?" he snapped, pulling his arm away and walking around her to their bedroom. Evie watched him go, her mouth agape. He never snapped at her like that. Why wouldn't he tell her? She already knew he was showing signs of PTSD. She thought about going after him and pressing for more answers, but he seemed way to tense to have a clam conversation. She didn't want it to turn into a fight so she took a deep breath and decided to give him some time and space.