If on a Winter's Night

by Touchstone67

One fateful, winter's night, Edward and Jasper's lives are turned upside down. Is their relationship strong enough to withstand the aftermath, or will they be driven apart forever? Rated M for sexual situations, language. AH J/E slash

30. I Believe in Yesterday

Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N- Edward's pov of the race and more, which is probably a good thing considering how long it's been…

My apologies for the delay with this chapter. Thank you for sticking with the boys. This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

Now Edward's pov

"**~~**"

If on a winter's night our dream hadn't ended…

"**~~**"

Loved.

The same emotion I felt every time I woke up with him in my arms. His leg was still over mine, one arm folded under him while the other rested on my stomach, the tips of his fingers languidly brushing my side. As relaxed as he appeared to be, I knew he was nervous, probably already mapping the route of the race in his slowly waking mind. Jasper might be impulsive, but when it came to running, I swear he planned every step. It was the one thing he seemed methodical in the way he went about it.

I loved the weight of him on me, the warmth of his body surrounding me even where I could no longer feel. He was heavy in his drowsiness, muscles limp before they would be asked to carry him thirteen miles. Even though I'd seen him training and gathering money, I still couldn't believe he was going to run for me.

Hell, some days I still couldn't believe he was mine.

In the month since he'd asked me to marry him, our lives been busier than ever. Between track and basketball practices, games and meets, PT, and the piano lessons I'd begun to give, our time alone was more limited than ever. Some activities took more time than others, and Jasper was with me a lot, even if only hovering in the background. For the piano lessons that were in the late afternoon, Jasper would often be on my couch doing his homework. Sometimes lying on his stomach tapping a pencil against his lips as he read, other times sitting up with his socked feet on the table and his book open on his thighs.

The kids I was teaching didn't seem to mind Jasper being around, in fact, I think Claire had a crush on him. She was new to playing the piano but was already showing a lot of potential. Nate, on the other hand, had been playing for a long time but had never had any real lessons and was still green. Jenna was a solid player but lacked emotion behind her notes. Tony, a sophomore, was the most talented of them all. He possessed natural ability, a skilled ear, and unlike Jenna, felt the music. I enjoyed teaching him the most.

Before each lesson, I would practice alone, well, except for my audience of one. He would pretend to study and I would pretend to not watch him. Neither of us succeeded much and eventually gave up. The music filled the room, I would use it to reach out to him, to grasp him and pull him closer. I put us both in the notes, playing songs that meant something to us. He would try to keep his concentration but always ended up looking at me, his eyes filled with everything he felt. Not that he could hide it even if he wanted to. Since I'd said yes to marrying him and with graduation quickly approaching, Jasper rarely tried to hide anything anymore. Physically he still kept his hands to himself in front of others, but if anyone took the time to really look at him, they would know he was in love, and who with.

"You're quite the distraction," I muttered over the music.

"Me?" he asked innocently as he tried to suppress a dimpled grin of satisfaction. With a thud, he closed his WWII book. "I'm just studying."

"Yeah, right," I snorted, my eyes never leaving the black and white keys.

They didn't have to in order to know what Jasper was doing. He was leaning back against the couch, an arm now outstretched along the back as he laid his head on it and stared at me. Jasper was always enamored when I played, but since the accident he was prouder than ever before.

"No, I will not play naked," I answered his unasked request and he chuckled.

"Something else then?" he suggested. Giving him an amused glance, I raised a brow. "I will settle for shirtless."

"Settle?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, well it'll do for now."

"I have a lesson coming in ten minutes," I reminded him.

"Fun sucker," he huffed and opened his book again, but his eyes hardly remained on it.

Seamlessly, I went from our banter into playing "Imagine".

Playing was the one thing I did that still felt like me. With the exception of not being able to use the pedals, which frustrated me, it was as if I wasn't hurt when I played. Everything I did was different now, from getting around to sex with Jasper, but sitting on the bench in front of my piano was the one thing I could still do. And it might be what allowed me to stay with Jasper.

I was expecting the letter from OSU any day and held my breath each time I saw the mail on the kitchen table. Nervously, I would roll over to it, hesitantly flipping through the envelopes and catalogs, partially relieved when there was no letter for me.

Two days later it arrived.

Jasper was at track practice and I'd just gotten home from school and went into the kitchen for a sandwich before Tony's piano lesson when I saw it on the table. It was under a few other envelopes but I couldn't miss the orange and black logo in the top corner. Suddenly losing my appetite, I wondered if my mom had seen it. I'd only told my father that I'd applied, but even though my mother hadn't mentioned it to me, I was pretty sure my dad had told her. My hand shook slightly as I reached out and picked it up. It didn't feel exceptionally thick, but my UW letter hadn't been either. Placing it in my lap face down, I pushed down the hallway to my room, closing the door behind me. Flipping the envelope over, I traced the logo, so different from the one I'd dreamed of wearing for as long as I could remember. But it wasn't the logo that mattered, it was being with Jasper, supporting him while he made his dream come true.

With a deep breath, I slid my finger under the flap and ripped it open. Pulling out a piece of ivory paper, I closed my eyes as I unfolded it. Our entire future, apart or together, was riding on this one piece of paper. Forcing my eyes open, I read the words.

Dear Edward,

Congratulations! After careful review of your academic credentials and other accomplishments, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Oregon State University. In addition, we would like to offer you a music scholarship in the amount of seventeen thousand dollars for your outstanding accomplishments in piano. We look forward to hearing from you….

I'd been accepted.

Relief powerfully crashed through me as I finished the letter and then immediately read it again.

I was in.

Jasper and I would be together.

On my fourth time reading, I was wiping the tears off the papers so they didn't stain it. My heart raced with excitement and I wanted desperately to call Jasper. Picking up my phone, I paused before pressing his button. As much as I wanted to tell him, as excited as I knew he would be, I slowly put my phone down.

For two years, Jasper had been by my side. Even when I pushed him away, telling him I didn't want him anymore, he refused to leave me. There wasn't a minute of happiness in the past two years that I didn't owe to him. For weeks, I'd been debating what to get him for graduation. There were the standard engraved items, but I wanted something more creative, more us. I'd thought about tickets to something, but that was one night out of many and I wanted my present to show much I loved him, how much he meant to me. Unable to go shopping at the mall on my own, I scoured websites looking for just the right thing, but until I held that letter in my hands, I hadn't realized that what I wanted to give Jasper couldn't be put in a box and wrapped with a bow, what I wanted to give him was something far more meaningful. I'd finally found something I could give him for his graduation present.

Our future together.

After one more read through, I carefully folded the paper and put it back in the envelope. Moving to my desk, I opened the drawer and buried it under some old homework. I would tell my parents after Jasper knew. Keeping the secret wasn't going to be easy, I knew the second I saw Jasper I would want to blurt it out, or he'd see my smile and know something was going on. For once, I hoped he would be too tired to notice.

Graduation was less than two weeks away, then I could tell him we would be at college together. Meanwhile, I would accept their offer and begin the paperwork they said would be coming shortly.

Jasper stirred on me, bringing me back to him. My hand sought his hair, twirling the ends to assure him I was there before letting memories from the past few weeks carry me away again.

As much as I wanted to, I still hadn't driven yet. There had been a few times I'd thought about getting behind the wheel again and even went out to my mother's car, but as soon as my hand touched the door, my heart started pounding and I began shaking. The darkness that Jasper's presence kept away once again swirled near me, beckoning me with promises of no worry or fear. Refusing to listen, I backed the chair up and quickly pushed up the ramp into my house. Instead of going to my room where I would surely face it, I found myself at my piano. After moving to the bench, I played the first thing that came to me, anything to keep my mind off my repeated failure. I hated the thought of relying on someone else to drive me everywhere even though Jasper volunteered. I feared I was just going to have to face that driving might not be something I was ever going to be able to do again.

Perhaps it had been the conversation a week before that had caused my fear of driving to flare uncontrollably.

I'd been lifting in the dining room when my dad walked in. With one glance I knew something was wrong. The doctor face I'd grown used to seeing on him had been replaced by his rarely seen dad one. Letting the weights down, I bit my lip and waited for him to speak.

Many scenarios ran through my mind. Had he seen one of Jasper's looks he wasn't hiding anymore, or perhaps spoken to one of my many doctors and had bad news? Maybe Emmett had slipped about my physical therapy with the braces? Or maybe it was about college…

Sitting down on the bench next to me, he put his hands on his knees. Anxiously and with a racing pulse, I waited.

"It's James."

James.

A simple, common name that had come to mean everything bad in my life. Before I could speak around the lump rising in my throat, he continued.

"I just came from a meeting with our attorneys. They wanted to meet to discuss how to proceed with the lawsuit. James had his hearing the other day."

I had purposely stayed away from the legalities of what had happened. I didn't understand it much anyway, and it only brought back memories I didn't want to relive. Hell, I'd kept myself so sheltered I didn't even know what James looked like. My father had told me that when the time came, I might be questioned by lawyers about the events on the night of my accident, but he assured me that would be unlikely.

"What happened?"

"The prosecutors offered him a plea bargain and he accepted. The hearing was basically to plead guilty."

"What was the deal?"

"He pleads guilty to vehicular assault and he gets one month in jail, fined five thousand dollars, and loses his license for a year," he explained quietly.

"That's it? That's all he gets?" I growled.

"Afraid so. I spoke with the lawyer about the lawsuit and while they advise continuing with it, they admit it might be years before we see much result. Meanwhile, we're paying for every phone call and meeting. Your mother and I will discuss it, but we might take the insurance company's settlement offer."

It wasn't until I lowered my eyes that I noticed his hands had moved from his knees to mine. "How much?"

"They're offering seventy-five thousand."

Seventy-five thousand was a lot of money.

But to someone facing life in a wheelchair it was nothing. It wouldn't be enough to make a dent in the medical bills, and while it would cover the changes made to the house, it wouldn't last long if I wasn't able to work. All the suffering I'd been through, the sleepless nights, the battles with the darkness, the exhausting PT, was apparently only worth seventy-five thousand. They'd put a price tag on what my life and future were worth, and that was the amount decided.

"It's not enough," I mumbled sadly.

"We'll be fine," my father assured me with a small smile.

A few minutes later, I was alone in my bedroom staring at the pool when Jasper walked in. He came up behind me and wrapped his long arms around my shoulders, kissing my head.

"Hey, baby," he murmured into my hair. "How are you doing?"

I knew what he was really asking, I don't know how he knew, but he did. "He's getting away with it, Jasper. He put me in this chair for the rest of my life and he's getting away with it. Some jail time and a fine. That's all he got for taking my life away from me, Jasper."

Releasing me, he straightened and walked around to the front of me, his broad body blocking my view out the window forcing my eyes to rise and lock with his. He reached down and took my hand in his, and holding it, he lowered himself to his knees in front of me. How many times had he done that, gotten on his knees for me? Not sexually, but to comfort me, to allow me to look at him without feeling small, to put us back on the level playing field I feared we'd hadn't been on since the accident. It was second nature for him now, to lower himself for me.

"I know, babe," was all he said.

He didn't reason with me or explain the pros and cons of the justice system, he simply understood my frustration and let me feel as I did. As he had done months before, he laid his head on my lap and sighed. My free hand went to his hair, weaving in it deeply so as to never let go. With each strand that slid through my fingers, I felt a little lighter. What had happened to me would never be fair, I would never understand why me, but those questions were easier to bear with Jasper near me. It was long minutes later before he spoke again.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I sighed sadly and he gripped my hand tighter.

My eyes never returned to the view outside the window, they never left my boy's head on my lap.

Much like they were as he kissed my chest and slowly lifted his head, blinking away the morning sunlight. Turning his head, he looked at me, his grumpy morning smile mixing with a nervous one. Lifting my hand, I pushed his bedhead waves off his face.

"You can do it," I whispered.

Words I'd heard him say hundreds of times. It was time for him to hear them, for him to know that I believed he could do it. His lips moved and stopped a few times, as if he wanted to say something but wasn't sure what. No words were necessary, I saw it all his eyes, gratefulness, anxiousness, and most importantly, love. Instead of speaking, he settled on a light kiss and then buried his face in the crook of my neck and moved his body even closer to my side. Gently, I scratched his scalp, tangling his hair further.

I couldn't believe after all his training the day of the race had finally arrived. Jasper had faithfully run and solicited donations for over a month. He hadn't been nervous about any of it until his mother set up a meeting with the board of directors of the hospital she and my father worked at.

As soon as he had climbed into the truck, I knew something was wrong. He told me about the presentation he would have to give if he wanted the possibility of receiving a donation from Forks General. They certainly weren't going to hand over their money without reason. I assured him he didn't have to do it, we would make do without their donation, but as worried as he was, he insisted on going through with it. With a kiss, I promised to help him put something together.

Throughout school, I jotted down ideas and points I thought he should make, not only on my behalf but the community's as a whole. I knew he caught me a few times, but he remained silent, occasionally scowling at me. While he was at practice, I moved my notes to my laptop, fleshing them out into a PowerPoint presentation complete with effects. By the time Jasper walked in, I was almost done and looked up at him with a smile. He wasted no time climbing onto my bed and kneeling next to me to kiss me hard and let me absorb his fears. Each time I ran my hand through his hair, I pulled him even closer and inhaled his manly scent. The parts of my body that could, shuddered when his lips left mine and moved over my jaw. Before either of us found ourselves naked, I regretfully pushed him away and told him I had something to show him.

"Fine, what is it?" he grumbled, sitting back on his calves.

Turning the laptop, I showed him the PowerPoint document. His eyes scanned the first page, then he clicked to the second and read it. His eyes flickered over each page, slightly confused. I began to worry I had overstepped. Perhaps he had wanted to do it on his own. I had intended to help him, not to it entirely, but once I had started, I couldn't stop.

"It's for your presentation," I said nervously when he finally looked at me.

I expected him to argue with me, to once again show me his stubbornness, but he was quickly thanking me with a kiss. At my suggestion, he hopped off the bed and practiced the presentation, often having us in laughter before he completed it. We discussed what he should wear and then did some homework before we were making out again, my hand stroking Jasper through his shorts until he was bucking into my hand and grunting as he came. When we went out to the dining room table for dinner, the scent of his cum mingled with his sweat.

The next day, he dropped me off after school and went home to get ready for the meeting. I was doing physics homework when he burst into my room. The navy of his suit jacket showed off the blue in his eyes while his white shirt contrasted them. His pants fit perfectly, the pressed material covering his long legs as he stood before me and let me devour him.

"Love, you're breathtaking," I mumbled.

"You approve?" he asked as I whistled at his ass when he spun around.

Suddenly we were no longer in my room, but rather standing in a field of tall grass and flowers under a sunny sky, Jasper beaming at me as he reciting vows of love to me. It was so clear, so easy to picture.

"More than approve. I think you should wear it on our wedding day," I confessed, then added, "Hell, every day."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Come here."

When he sat on the edge of the bed, I tucked some curls behind his ear and he leaned into my touch, letting free his worry. I wanted to tell him how proud I was of him, but he knew. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, but he knew. He always knew.

"You can do this. Don't doubt it, love," I attempted to reassure him with my words as much as my touch. Closing the gap between us, he kissed me softly. "You should go, don't want to be late."

Hesitantly, he nodded and left. While he was gone, I tried to concentrate on my homework but found myself thinking of him too often. When I heard his ringtone, I snapped the phone off the table. The second he spoke, I knew it was good news. I had never doubted he could do it, there wasn't anyone he couldn't charm.

The hospital donation might have been the largest he received but it wasn't the most surprising. Only a few days before we were making our way through the lunch line as Jasper teased the lunch ladies about how relieved they would be when he was gone. As he reached the end of the line, the cashier swiped his card and then handed him an envelope. Instantly, he was overwhelmed by the unexpected donation, even without knowing the amount. After six months of listening to him bitch daily, they had finally done something that shut him up. Jasper picked up our tray and they all clapped and wished him luck.

At the table, he opened the envelope and counted three hundred dollars.

"Guess they like your bitching," I laughed.

Like I said, there wasn't anyone Jasper couldn't charm, including grumpy lunch ladies.

As the day of the race got closer, I began to feel guilty. Jasper had been running and getting money for me and I had done nothing. I wracked my brain with ideas on how to help, but beyond offering encouragement, I came up empty handed…until Alice walked into my room one day after school. I don't even remember what she came in for, all I recalled was her tee shirt.

GO TEAM

Jasper and I were a team, stronger together than apart. Our families and friends were supporters of our team. We were all for the same goal and for the same person to accomplish it. Opening my laptop, I began to search for something to unite us all. When Bella called and I told her what I was doing, she offered to help and suggested I get extras for our friends. Finding a local shop, I called and placed an order to be picked up the day before the race. They were all the same except for one, the one I hoped Jasper would wear.

Jasper had arrived the night before, his nervousness not only in his eyes but in his rough words and motions. Minutes after walking into my room, he was sprawled on my lap gradually sinking into me with each touch of my fingers on his body. Once lulled into relaxation, he admitted to being worried about finishing the entire thirteen miles. I didn't understand where his doubt was coming from. His body was young and strong, his legs worked perfectly, his muscles were toned and ready. If Jasper could run ten miles, he could run thirteen.

When I asked him if his coach would be mad he skipped track practice, he mumbled it didn't matter because it was the last practice anyway. Before he'd finished, I stiffened. It shouldn't have been the last practice, there was still the state meet. It didn't make sense. Questions tumbled from me as I lifted my head from his, eyeing him warily.

"The qualifying meet is tomorrow," he confessed quietly.

"You're missing the meet to run in the race. Love, you can't, you need to do the meet," I implored softly.

He shook his head, and as I always expected him to, argued with me, claiming it wasn't a big deal, telling me it meant nothing to him anymore.

"You've wanted to be the state champion since you moved here," I whispered.

"Dreams change," he mumbled.

Jasper was giving up so much for me. Every day more of himself was devoted to me and my needs. His college dreams had almost been destroyed because of me, and now four years of practices and running and meets only to not be able to even attempt to accomplish his dream. Guilt flooded me and I didn't bother to try to stop it. It was the least I deserved as payment for his sacrifices. Jasper wouldn't accept it though, and he wiped it from my damp cheek.

"Don't," he begged.

"You're given up your dream for me, just like you were going to for college," I choked out, trying to look away.

"I'm not giving up my dream, Edward, just doing something different. Instead of being state champion, I can say I ran thirteen miles and raised fifteen thousand dollars. That's more of an accomplishment than a trophy sitting on my shelf."

Logically, he was right. What he was doing was far more important than a trophy to collect dust, but it was hard to accept he'd once again given up something for me. Exhaling, I calmed myself as Jasper gazed at me. Eyes bluer than any clear sky held mine, refusing to let me go and forcing me to look inside them, to see he was really okay with what he was doing. Our lips met in a salty kiss and my hand dropped from his hair down his back to press him closer. His skin was on fire, burning up and glistening with beads of sweat.

I suggested he go for a swim to cool off and he said not without me. At first I thought he was joking, but then he was jumping off me and digging through my dresser. When he found my swim suit and tossed it to me, I found myself on the bed and changing, complaining to him the entire time. It wasn't until I rolled out onto the patio and saw the pool, the water lapping the cement edges as it lit up with the last rays of the sun that I quieted. Almost two years before, Jasper had kissed me in it, holding me against the side with his weight. Since then, we'd spent many hours floating, swimming, kissing, giving head, all things I longed to be able to in there again. I saw myself diving off the board, splashing Jasper with water, swimming under the surface the entire length before coming up for a deep breath. Sitting still in the chair, I could almost feel the cool water skimming over me, easing my muscles as they worked.

My heart ached, tightening in my chest painfully. Going out there had been a stupid idea. Just as my hands gripped the wheel to back turn the chair around and return to my room, I was being lifted by Jasper. Part of me wanted to fight him, but I found myself leaning against him as he walked down the steps into the pool.

"What are you doing?" I sighed.

"Swimming, what does it look like?"

Secure in his arms, I watched the water rise higher around us as he walked over to a noodle in the deep end. He slid his arm out from under my knees and let the noodle support my legs, then he shifted so he was behind me, resting my back to his chest. The water slapped gently against me, soaking my tee shirt. Lying back against Jasper and soothed by the sound of the water, I laid my head on his shoulder and let him hold us both up.

"It's cold."

"I can warm you up," he murmured hotly in my ear.

With breathless whispers, he reminded me our first kiss, how scared he'd been, never once ceasing moving us evenly around the pool. He sang our song to me and I turned my head and watched his lips as they moved. When they brushed over mine, I quivered from the mixture of his touch and fear. We were in the open and at any time my parents could have looked out a window or walked outside and caught us. But Jasper didn't think the same way, he didn't care if someone saw us, and on that alone I let my tongue slip into his mouth. The second it touched his, I moaned and pulled him closer. The kiss deepened, his fingers dug into my sides and I fisted his hair. Pulling away, I smiled at him.

"I thought we were out here to cool off," I chuckled.

He continued to guide us around the pool until it was completely dark, but when I shivered he walked us out of the pool and sat me in the chair. While I was drying off my arms and hair, he kneeled in front of me with another towel and dried my legs. I hadn't asked him to, and I was certainly capable of doing it myself, but he wasn't doing because he felt a duty or obligation, he was doing it simply because he wanted to. It was a hard concept for me, to realize it was just how he was wired. I'd never noticed before because we were both healthy and able-bodied, but Jasper just instinctively took care of those he loved, putting their needs far and above his own. Focused on his work, I watched the way his eyes tracked the movement of his hands, his head dipped with his hair covering his face in wet ringlets. With a sharp shake of his head, he looked up at me.

"What?"

"Thank you." It was a stupid response to his question, but it was all I could think of to say.

"Just drying your legs, no need to thank me," he said with a shrug as if every seventeen-year-old kid dried their boyfriend's legs.

He would never realize what he did for me, how many times he's unknowingly saved me just by being there. The darkness I'd woken up to after the accident was strong and sure, but Jasper was stronger. It was his challenge tomorrow, and yet, he was still taking care of me.

"That's not what I mean. Thank you for…for everything, Jasper. For tomorrow, for yesterday, today…for kissing me two years ago," I clarified.

"Every second has been my pleasure. Now let's get you inside and changed," he said as he cupped my cheek.

I turned the chair and followed him inside to my room where we changed into dry clothes and got into bed. Seconds after I leaned back against the pillows, he was straddling my thighs and struggling to look at my face and not my bare chest.

"Ya know, Sunday makes three weeks," he murmured as he ran a finger lazily up and down my torso. "And since that's only two nights away, do you think I could touch them?"

Shuddering in anticipation, I nodded. Honestly, I was surprised he had held off as long as he had. There had been a few times when I found himself kissing too near or his finger grazing them, but never once had he pushed for more. I watched his finger gradually tighten the circle around my nipple. The second his finger danced over the barbell, I lost it. Immediately, my body tensed and I lifted off the pillows, there were the familiar tingles at the base of my neck and I trembled. I gripped his shoulder and groaned, pleading for more. Obliging, he twisted the piercing and brought his other hand to my hair. He gathered it in his fist and forced my head back to give him room to run his tongue up the length of my neck to my ear.

"Fuck, holy shit, fuck…" I panted, moving toward him and away at the same time.

"You make me so hard. You're so fucking hot," he whispered.

Gasping, I reached for his pants, yanking the elastic until I felt it slide over his ass. When he raised his hips off me, I pulled his pants down to his thighs. Once his erection was free, I wrapped my hand around it and began stroking him. His breath was moist in my ear when he spoke to me, his nails scratching my scalp as his other fingers taunted my nipple. I wanted to feel him on me, his warm skin against mine, his hard cock rubbing along my abs, the contours of his ass has he thrust. I didn't want any more barriers between us.

"Take my pants off," I whispered in a moment of rare bravery.

Jasper wasted no time moving down me and taking my pants with him before he took off his and tossed them to the side. He took a moment to stare at me in the darkening room, the moonlight replacing the sunbeams from hours before. Slowly he crawled to me, stalking me like I was prey as he positioned himself over my cock. Grinding his hips onto me, his hand returned to my nipple. I attempted to stroke him with a steady rhythm but every time he pinched my nipple, I lost my control. He gazed at my chest as his fingers easily made me writhe. Licking his lips, he forced his eyes up to mine.

"Can I lick them?"

The thought of it not being three weeks didn't even enter my mind as I moaned yes and arched toward him. Keeping his ass on my dick, he bent over and flicked the top of his tongue over a piercing. The tingling returned with force, expanding out my shoulders while charges of electricity heated up my chest. Suddenly his fingers were everywhere, I could feel the trail of sparks they left behind, I felt the rough pads of fingertips, the wet heat of his tongue, the tickling of the ends of his hair, the pool of precum that dripped from his cock onto my abs. When I groaned, Jasper moved his lips to my ear and warned me to be quiet.

"Please touch me," I whimpered.

He kissed his way back to my nipples, latching onto one. Letting go of his cock, both my hands tunneled through his hair, holding him to me as he lavished and worshipped me. I could feel his body rocking and knew he was seeking relief in the friction of running his cock against me. When he raised his head, my hands went to push him back but he spoke.

"You're hard, babe."

Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked down our bodies. The head of my erection was captured under Jasper and I watched as he thrust his hips, gliding his ass over me while his mouth returned to my chest. He devoured me in every way and I lost myself in the sensations he graced me with. Lips were on my collarbone, my neck, sucking and nipping and licking until they were at my ear again.

"Feel so fuckin' good under me, so hard against my ass," he mumbled.

His words were quickly my undoing.

"I think I'm gonna come," I cried out, holding onto him.

White flashes brightened my closed eyes and my upper body tensed, my fingers digging into his flesh as I hissed. Lifting myself of the pillows, my abs tightened and it hit me. The waves weren't the strength I'd felt before the accident but they were the strongest I'd felt since it. The tingling crept down my spine, around my sides and flooded me with warmth. My upper body jerked and flexed until I fell exhausted onto the pillows. Panting, I kissed him, swallowing his moans as he pumped himself. He came a few strokes later, his cries quieted by my body as he buried his face in my neck.

"So fucking hot when you come like that, love you so much," I whispered as he collapsed on me and I held him.

He redressed us before lying next to me. Unlike when he had first arrived, his body was loose and pliable against mine. Exhaustion quickly took both of us and while there was no singing, his arms were around me and his heart beat in time with mine.

Shifting and sighing, Jasper lifted his head from my neck and looked at me with sleepy eyes, forcing my thoughts back to the current and not the night before.

"I should get going," he mumbled. Even though he had said the words, he made no motion to get up. Instead, he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and bit down, lowering his eyes to my chest before allowing them to meet my gaze. "Will you be there?"

How could he ever think I wouldn't be?

"Every step of the way," I answered, reaching for his iPhone on the table.

Smiling, he remembered the playlist I'd made. After a quick kiss, he pulled himself away and got dressed so he could go home and change. Pushing myself up onto my elbows, I watched as he gathered his things and ran his hand through his hair a hundred times. Finally, he swung the strap of his bag over his shoulder and leaned over to kiss me the last time before the race.

"I'll see you there," I vowed when he broke the kiss.

"Be safe, baby," he said as he opened the door.

"See you soon, love."

The door closed and I lowered myself back to the pillows. I had a lot to get done before I left for the race, but I turned onto my side and inhaled the scent he'd left behind.

I missed him already.

"**~~**"

"Jasper is going to kill you," his mother laughed as I handed her one of the tee shirts I'd had made. His father was already pulling his on over his head.

"Yeah, probably," I agreed.

Jasper never liked being the center of attention, he much preferred being in the background watching and not being watched. Though with his looks, he was often watched, he just never realized it.

My parents were already wearing their shirts, and Bella had taken a dozen of them to give to everyone who showed up to support Jasper. I had one left and it was sitting on my lap waiting for Jasper. I said goodbye to his parents and returned to mine on the grassy field next to the street. There were a few vendor booths set up, as well as tables for registration and information. Runners dressed in shorts and bright shirts with numbers pinned to them were everywhere. Some were stretching, some chatting with their families, others jogging slowly to warm up. None of them realize how fucking lucky they were just to be standing.

Envious, I watched their legs move effortlessly, muscles working perfectly. They didn't need straps and metal and plastic encasing their legs or bars to hold themselves upright. The warm air chilled around me and I knew I wasn't alone. It was more daring than ever before, coming after with when my parents were near. The darkness knew they were unable to fight it off, it knew there was only one strong enough to fight the battle. Gripping the handrims, I kept facing the same way, but my eyes glanced to the ground next to me, not surprised when I saw wisps of black coasting over the blades of grass.

"We're going to go get water," my mother said.

I found myself nodding in acknowledgement but unable to speak as they turned and headed for booth nearby. My heart raced erratically, skipping and halting as the fight for my soul began. There might have been hundreds of people around, but I'd never felt more alone. None of them were like me, I was different, crippled, useless. I could feel them staring at me, whispering to each other, wondering why I was there. I had no right to be there, I wasn't like them. Any of them. Swallowing, I took a deep breath to calm myself. Raising my eyes, they cut through the crowds to see only his mop of hair flopping as he jogged over.

Relief swept through me as quickly as the dread had, and I found myself grinning. The darkness skittered away before Jasper reached me and he had once again fought unseen forces. Someday I would tell him all the battles he'd faced. He stopped in front of me and glanced around for my parents.

"You ready?" I asked him and he nodded uncertainly. Before I could think about it, I mouthed my love to him and he returned it with a smile.

I knew my parents had walked up behind me strictly from the look of amusement on Jasper's face. He'd seen the tee shirts they were wearing.

"Not you guys too," he groaned.

"Blame him, it was his idea," my mother said as if Jasper hadn't already figured it out.

I pulled off the sweatshirt I was wearing, revealing my Team Whitlock jersey underneath. He shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"There's one for you too," I said as I handed him the one folded in my lap.

He took it and unfolded it, reading the Team Cullen on the front. Seconds later, his discarded tee shirt was on my lap and he was tugging the new one down his chest and pinning his number on the front.

"Thanks," he smiled at me as the announcer called the runners to the starting line.

"Good luck. See you at the finish line."

We shared one last look, his eyes full of love before he waved to my parents and headed for the starting line. The swarm of people waited until the gun went off, then they all moved forward uniformly, hundreds of heads bounced up and down as they crossed the line and began to spread out. Even without Jasper's height, hair color or red tee shirt, I would have known his stride anywhere. I'd spent hours watching it and running next to it, I knew exactly how he breathed and the length of his steps.

My eyes were fixed on him alone as he put the earbuds in his ear and settled into his pace. With each stride, he pulled further and further away and my heart began to ache. While I logically knew why, watching him run away from me wasn't something I ever wanted to see. As I lost sight of him, I sighed and felt my father's hand on my shoulder.

"Should we head to the finish line?" he asked quietly.

Nodding, I turned the chair around and followed them over to the Whitlocks, who walked with us to the car. I got into the passenger side while my mother sat in the back and my father followed the Whitlocks and chatted idly with my mother about the race. A few minutes later, we reached the end of the course and I moved back into the chair. Mrs. Whitlock walked next to my mother and my father spoke with Jasper's dad about a few more changes he wanted to make the house.

I pushed the chair along the edge of the closed road, my eyes scanning the growing crowd for Bella, relieved when I spotted her with Angela, both wearing their Team Whitlock tee shirts.

"Bella," I called out and she turned with a grin. Walking over, she carried a piece of poster board in her hand. "What's that?"

Stopping in front of me, she held it up. GO WHITLOCK was written in huge brightly colored bubble letters. She beamed proudly.

"Like it?"

"He's going to kill you," I chuckled, echoing his mother's words to me earlier.

"Let him try," she shrugged. "How is he?"

"Nervous, but he will be fine. Did you hand out some shirts?"

"Yep, all of them," she replied.

My eyebrows shot up. "I gave you a dozen."

"There's so many people here," she said. Turning, she pointed to the grassy patch across the street. "There some track kids, Mr. Beatty and Mrs. Goddard. Oh, and the lunch ladies."

"Seriously?" I squinted into the sun.

"I know, right? Who knew?" She turned back to me. "Want to wait with us?"

"Yeah, let me tell my parents."

She remained there while I pushed over to where my parents and the Whitlocks were. "I'm going to hang out with Bella and everyone if that's all right."

"Sure," my dad said with a smile. "We'll be around."

"Thanks," I mumbled, turning the chair toward Bella.

She walked next to me over to Eric and Angela, who told us Newton was on his way. They talked excitedly and I sat there thinking about how much I wanted to be with Jasper. He was always there for me when I needed him and when I wanted to be by his side for him, I couldn't.

Jasper hadn't missed a basketball game since he'd met me. He might not always be the loudest one there, though sometimes I knew he wanted to be, but I could feel his heart all the way on the court, the same heart that swelled when he was at my PT sessions.

I had used the braces once a week since the first time. Even though I wanted to use them every time, Emmett didn't allow it, giving me some speech about recovery time and pushing myself. He didn't understand I needed to push myself. There was no way I would ever walk again if I didn't push myself.

Jasper wasn't able to come to every therapy session, but he came to all the ones where I used the KAFOs. Standing in front of me with a hand on my chest and another on my hip, his eyes watched in awe as my feet stuttered forward with Emmett's help. Slowly, Jasper would lift his gaze to me and smile. He listened to every word Emmett said, from directions to advice, Jasper took it all in. More than once, I'd found him writing things down, 'Emmett's words of wisdom' he called it. It might have been Emmett physically pushing my feet and swinging my hips but it was Jasper who helped me walk. It was his strength on loan, his words I breathed in, his looks that didn't doubt me.

"One more step," Emmett warned behind me.

My arms trembled from the strain but I slid my hand along the bar and exhaled a breath. Countering my weight, he pushed against me as I leaned toward him.

"That's it," Jasper murmured, "you got this, baby."

"Tired," I grumbled.

"I know," he acknowledge before shifting to start guiding me backwards with Emmett.

Gradually they eased me to the end of the bars. Jasper's arms replaced Emmett's around me as Emmett moved my chair. Supporting me easily, Jasper gave me a brief kiss before Emmett released the latch and with a loud click, the other release let go and I was sitting down panting for breath. They worked quickly to get the braces off and Jasper immediately began rubbing my legs where the tight straps had been. Ignoring Emmett, I reached up and touched Jasper's hair. Meeting my eyes, he turned his head and kissed the palm of my hand before finishing his task.

I was up to walking ten steps in a row with the KAFOs. It was more than I had been doing a month before but not nearly enough to allow me to walk onto the graduation stage in a week. Like a child, I was clinging to dream I knew wasn't possible, but it didn't stop me from wishing for it nightly. I wanted to show them all I wasn't a cripple.

I was just Edward.

The wind ruffled my hair and swept away the thoughts. I couldn't allow doubt to seep in when Jasper was so far away from me.

"So what is your guess?" Angela asked me.

"What?" I asked, furrowing my brows.

"On Jasper's time, we're taking bets on what time he finishes in," she explained.

I could probably have guessed his time down to the second if I thought about it. "I have an unfair advantage, I know his running."

"Aw, c'mon," she whined.

"Fine. One hour, thirty-seven minutes and ten seconds," I answered.

Angela wrote it down and then asked Newton his. I hadn't even noticed he'd arrived. "Cullen must be close, I'll say one hour forty minutes," he said looking down at me.

Parking the chair next to the sidewalk, I stared down the street waiting for the first of the runners to come into view. Jasper's teammates and teachers stood mixed with our friends as we all waited. Some of them had signs like Bella's and most were in the tee shirts she had handed out. I wasn't surprised by the amount of support Jasper had, but I knew he would be. He'd never expected anyone but me and his parents to be there for him.

Bella had just handed me a water when the first runner turned the corner and headed toward us. Once the crowd saw him, they began to applaud. We all watched as he quickened his pace briefly before crossing the finish line and glancing up at the digital race clock to see his time. About a minute later, another man rounded the turn and crossed the line. They began to appear closer together, the first woman finishing about ten minutes after the first guy.

My father walked over. "How long?" he asked as he looked down the road with me.

"One twenty," I answered without looking at the clock.

"How much longer?"

"Less than twenty minutes," I said, glancing up at him.

"I'm going to go get him a water for when he's done."

He wandered off and I watched as he spoke to my mom before going to the water table. The cheers around us were getting louder as more and more runners finished, some looking like they could run another thirteen miles while others fell to their knees and were helped to the medical tent by volunteers. With each one who finished, I looked harder for Jasper, wishing him to materialize out of thin air in front of me. There was constant clapping and people shouting out names of runners as they passed. Jasper's group was on both sides of me holding their signs for him but cheering for everyone.

The clock hit one hour thirty minutes and my heart began to race. I could almost see him tiring, having to use his arms more as his stride slowed, sucking in gulps of air.

"Aw, Bella you lost," Newton laughed when the time exceeded Bella's guess and started to close in on mine.

I glanced up to see her shove him and before rolling her eyes. Chuckling, I turned my attention back to the runners.

Then I saw him.

Damp blond curls bounced slightly, his stride slightly shorter than usual and his arms moving more as he turned the corner and headed down the last quarter mile. I exhaled the breath I'd apparently been holding.

"There he is!" Bella shouted.

Everyone looked as she pointed to him and then they applauded and yelled out his name. Even at that distance, I could tell he saw them, his face clouding with confusion before surprise. I watched his feet solidly hit the pavement, springing him forward one more stride closer to me. His calf muscles bulged and pushed against his skin as he shifted into his final kick and began to run faster, using what energy he had left.

He was only a few hundred yards away when Bella leaned down to me. "Go to him," she encouraged quietly.

Not even glancing at her, I pushed forward from the crowd and into the street, smiling when his eyes landed on me. I knew what song he was listening too, I'd timed it that way, I wanted him to finished to "Maybe I'm Amazed" because I was amazed by him. Unable to contain a smile, I held his gaze as he reached up and pulled the earbuds from his ear. Less than fifty yards to go and he began to sprint, his eyes never wavering until he crossed the finish line and he glanced at the clock for his time before slowing to a walk. Runners finished around him, but I saw no one else. Ignoring the volunteer who asked how he was and recorded his number and time, Jasper immediately made his way to me. As he neared, my smile grew.

He'd finished.

His legs had carried him thirteen miles, his legs had carried him to me. His Team Cullen tee shirt was marred with dark spots and clung to him, sweat rolled down his tired face, his lips were dry and his legs quivered from strain.

I wasn't sure I'd even seen him look more beautiful.

Stopping in front of me, he crouched down and placed his palms on my thighs. His eyes closed and he dropped his forehead to my knees as he gasped to catch his breath. There were people all around us, volunteers, runners, even our friends and families, but they weren't my concern.

My boy was.

Lifting my hand, the tips of my fingers brushed through his damp, tangled waves and I watched his shoulders and back rise and expand with each deep breath he took. He hadn't run because he had to, he had run because he wanted to.

"I'm never running that far again," he gasped between breaths and I laughed and held his hair a bit tighter. Slowly, he lifted his head and looked at me. I'd never seen his eyes bluer or more intense than they were then. Desire and love and exhaustion all mingled, darkening his normally light eyes to that of a stormy sky.

"Thank you," I whispered, finally releasing his hair.

The words of love were readying to pass his lips when his eyes strayed over my shoulder and I knew we were no longer alone. Slowly, he stood, taking his hands from my legs. Even though I hadn't felt them, I missed their presence and the warmth I was sure they provided.

The second he was upright, his mother was hugging him and he was bending over to return it with tired arms. His father patted him on the back as they both congratulated him. I'd never seen parents so happy for their child, beaming with pride at his accomplishment. There was a hand on my shoulder and I glanced up at my father to find him smiling at Jasper. Once Jasper had pried his mother from him, mine took her place, and I swear I saw tears in her eyes, tears for a boy who could do things her own son never would.

Watching them, I wondered if they would ever look at me like that again, like they had when I had been recruited by UW. There was nothing I could do again that would make them proud, that would make them look at me the way they were looking at Jasper.

I certainly wouldn't ever be able to run thirteen miles.

Or stand on my own. Or walk alone. Or drive.

I would always be their son who had so much potential if not for a on a winter's night his life had all but ended.

Finally, Jasper was released from everyone's hold only to be surrounded by our friends, teammates, and teachers. One by one they congratulated him, and I watched as he accepted their words and thanked them for their posters and support. Jasper wanted nothing more than to go home, shower, and rest but he patiently answered their streams of questions. Gradually, the crowd around him thinned and it was just us and our families.

"Your father and I were thinking about going out to dinner to celebrate, your choice," his mother offered. Jasper glanced at me, then to my father behind me before answering.

"If it's okay, I'm going to hang out at Edward's tonight." Hoping to ease the blow, he gave her a smile, letting one of his dimples show.

She sighed slightly but nodded. "Of course. We can go out another night."

"Thanks, Mom," he said, hugging her quickly again before telling his father, "I'll be at work in the morning."

"Don't worry about it. I can handle tomorrow," his dad replied.

They wandered off and Jasper turned to my parents. "I hope it's okay with you guys."

"I would have spoken up if it wasn't," my father said. "Do you need to do anything before we leave?"

"I need to be cleared by the medical tent, then I can leave."

Jasper walked toward the tent, waiting in a short line before he was ushered inside.

"I can't believe he did it," my mother said in awe.

How could anyone have ever doubted him?

Including me.

"**~~**"

I breathed in his freshly showered scent as he laid his head on my chest while my fingers drew light circles on his upper back, the cotton of his tee shirt still damp from his dripping curls. Purring, he nuzzled his cheek against my bare chest. Like a moth to the flame, the tips of his fingers skimmed the skin around my nipple, leaving goose bumps in their wake.

"This is the life," he sighed in perfect contentedness.

Was it? Was it the life he was meant to have or was Jasper fated for bigger things than cuddling his crippled boyfriend.

"You were amazing today," I said softly into his hair and he shrugged.

"Not sure amazing qualifies, but I did finish," he countered.

"Are you sore?"

"Fuck yeah. I don't think I will be able to get up tomorrow," he chuckled.

Suddenly, his head bolted up and he was scrambling his aching body over me to lean over the edge of the bed. I heard him unzipping his bag and shuffling through the contents before he finally slid back over me, keeping one of his hands tightly fisted around something.

"I brought you a surprise," he announced excitedly. For someone as exhausted as he was, he was practically bouncing next to me.

"What is it?"

"You and your questions," he laughed. Grinning, he held his hand out palm up and opened it. Cradled in it was one of the ring boxes. "Open it."

Doing as he asked, I reached for the box and pried it open, inhaling sharply when I saw the silver band nestled in black velvet. Nibbling on my bottom lip, I tugged the ring out of the slit it sat in. Jasper snapped the box closed and put it on the nightstand. Tilting his head, he studied me as I studied the ring. It was as perfect as I remembered, smooth and shiny with the words that meant so much to us both engraved inside.

"I thought you might want to see it," he reasoned, his eyes flickering between mine and my finger tracing the ring. "I get to look at them every night but you don't."

Peeling my eyes from the band, I looked up at his eager face. "Come here," I murmured and he instantly leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine.

Just as I went to push my tongue into his mouth, he pulled away and returned to his place beside me, stretching out his long, tired body. Laying his head back on my chest, he watched me turn the ring around and around.

"Put it on," he requested. I slipped the band down the ring finger of my left hand and then held it out for Jasper. "Perfect. I can't wait until it's there permanently."

"Me either," I sighed. "We should really start planning."

"What's to plan? Me, you, the rings…." He laughed, his body shaking against me.

"True," I agreed, "but what about vows?"

Lifting his hand, he laced his fingers with my left one. He brought it to his mouth and kissed the ring before placing them both on my chest. "I think we should say our own."

"Me too."

My mind quickly wandered to what I would say to him that day. How could I even put into words what Jasper meant to me? He never gave up on me, he pushed me, loved me, and never left my side even when I forced him to. There were no words for that…

"What about after?" I whispered.

Jasper moaned in response. "Don't worry, baby, I will take care of it."

"But on your wedding night, you're supposed to…and I can't…" I couldn't finish and let the words hang in the dark air.

He squeezed my hand. "Babe, we won't do anything you're not ready for."

Exhaling a breath, I nodded and kissed his head. "We're really getting married."

"Few more weeks," he yawned, his eyes drifting closed.

I felt his body grow heavy as a deserved sleep took him. My own eyes closed shortly after, the ring still on my finger as I joined Jasper in a deep slumber.

"**~~**"

Putting me in the truck, he put the chair in the back and then climbed in behind the wheel. Even if I hadn't noticed how quiet he was, I would have noticed his tense shoulders and furrowed brows. I'd been with him throughout most of the day, and he'd been fine until he asked me to wait for him outside his coach's office. I sat alone in the hallway staring at Jasper's back through the window in the door and watched as his shoulders slumped and he hung his head. With a curt nod, he turned and yanked the door open, a frown on his face. There was anxiousness in his eyes, but he remained silent as he strode down the corridor and I pushed to keep up with him. He pushed through the door and held it open for me. I coasted down the ramp, his footsteps heavy behind me.

In the two days since the race, he walked a little slower, and I'd since him wince more than once when moving too quickly, but he never once complained. We'd spent Sunday together watching movies in my room and he listened to me play the piano for a while. I suggested a swim and he looked longing at the pool. He refused even though I told him the water would feel good on his sore muscles. Instead, we made sandwiches and napped on my bed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he grumbled.

"Jas," I warned as he put the key in the ignition and sighed.

Keeping his eyes straight ahead, he spoke. "Coach spoke to some of the other coaches at the qualifier on Saturday. They asked where I was and he told them. They said that if I still wanted to qualify I could do it tomorrow. I would have to go to Rainier and run on their track using one of their officials, but if I make the time, I can go to States."

"Seriously?" I grinned. It was almost too good to be true. "That's great."

His frown deepened and his forehead creased. "How is it great?"

"You'll qualify," I scoffed, assuming he was thinking he would be too slow or tired.

"It's not that," he said with a shake of his head. "I wanted to go with you."

Then I realized what he meant. My doctor's appointment was in Seattle the next day and Jasper had planned on making the drive with my father and me. We'd been planning since we knew the date. Jasper had already gotten his parents' consent to skip school and go with me, and then he was going to drive me to practice that night.

"Jasp-"

"Don't" he growled, tossing me a glare. "I'm not doing it."

Reaching over, I put my hand on his thigh, hoping my touch would soothe his quickly fraying nerves. "Love," I began in a low voice, "you need to. You have to do this for yourself."

He was refusing before I'd even finished. "It's not important."

It was my turn to grow frustrated. "So it's okay to do shit for me, but not for yourself?"

Pursing his lips, he took in my words. "It's not like tomorrow it just another checkup, Edward, it's big and I want to be there."

"It won't make a difference," I sighed, "whether you're there or not, they're still going to tell me I'll never walk again."

His hand covered mine. "Then I want to be there if they do."

Leaning toward, I rested my head on his shoulder. "I know, but I want you to go Rainier. If not for you, then for me."

He didn't speak but his thoughts were loud, I could hear him tossing them around in his mind as he started the truck and shifted into reverse. He was torn between doing what he wanted and doing what he should. There was no doubt he wanted to be with me, but he needed to run.

"Love, you can't come in the room with me anyway, and my dad will be with us on the drive there and back. It's not like we can celebrate or..." I stopped there knowing he understood the missing words. If I got bad news at the doctors, I was going to need him, a lot, but with my dad around it wasn't like Jasper would be able to hold me or kiss me or whisper it would be all right.

"But I could just be there," he argued quietly as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"If you're there, I'm going to want to touch you, maybe it's better this way. Plus, you get to qualify for States and kick all their asses."

"What about your practice?"

"Riley can bring me," I answered.

Jasper sighed heavily. It was obvious he didn't want to go, but I knew he would.

"Please?"

"Fine," he mumbled, "but I don't like it."

We pulled into my driveway and I sat up and slid over to wait for Jasper. He lifted me into the chair, holding me a few seconds longer than necessary. Entering the house, Jasper immediately headed or the kitchen, giving me a 'hell yeah' when he discovered the baked brownies on the counter. Grabbing a few sodas, he headed for the couch while I moved to the piano bench to get ready for a lesson with Tony. When my mother asked if Jasper was staying for dinner, he nodded eagerly without even asking what it was. Once dinner was done and the dishes were cleared, Jasper and I went to my room to do homework.

Neither of us opened a book.

Instead we sat in the dark room and listened to music. Jasper held me and I held him. He might have been a dreamer, imagining great things for us both, but Jasper had never once promised me I would walk again. Not once did he say he knew the news would be good. Jasper was smart, he knew better, just like I did. No, we didn't talk at all. While most kids were planning graduation parties, Jasper and I silently prepared ourselves for the inevitable.

The clock hit midnight and Jasper sighed. I knew he wanted to say longer, even spend the night again, but it wasn't an option this time. He needed to get up and go to school and I needed to get up and go to Seattle. Jasper lifted his head and kissed me.

I held onto him tighter.

"I don't want you to leave." The words I'd been thinking for hours finally slipped from me.

"Then I won't," he said easily, as if it was already done.

"They won't let you stay again," I sighed.

"Then don't have to know," he returned. Confused, stared at him and then he motioned to the window overlooking the backyard.

"Jas—"

His lips were pressed to mine, stopping my words before saying, "I'll park the truck down the street and be right back."

"You can't," I argued quietly and weakly.

I wanted nothing more.

"I'll be right back," he promised with a kiss before putting on his sneakers.

He was out the door with his keys before I could think to stop him. Listening, I could hear his footsteps in the hall and the front door open and close, then the start of the truck's engine. Glancing at the window, I realized he wasn't going to be able to get in from the outside. The window was open, but the screen was down and locked. Sitting up, I reached for the chair and transferred to it. Rolling to the window, I opened the screen as high as it would go and waited in the dark. There was movement outside nearby, the rustling of bushes and under the breath swearing.

Jasper appeared in the window, a twinkle in his eye when he said, "Dear Edward, won't you come out to play?"

Shaking my head, I smiled as he placed his hands on the window sill and lifted himself up. Leaning forward, I grabbed his hands and pulled him onto me so he didn't fall onto the floor. He stood up and closed the screen before kicking off his sneakers

"They're going to kill you if they find out," I mumbled as I lifted my feet to the floor and moved my ass to the bed, dragging myself up to my pillows.

"They won't find out. I'll set my alarm and leave before they get up."

Jasper crawled in right behind me, returning his head to my chest and pressing his long body to mine. My arm went under him to his back where I lifted his shirt and stroked his warm skin. Sighing, I kissed his head. Then it all hit me at once, what the next day meant, what I might learn, what might happen.

"I'm scared," I whispered to him.

By the time he raised his head my tears were already falling. He looked on the edge of releasing his own as he stared at me for a moment, his blue eyes, full of nothing but love, mirrored my own. He was as scared as me, he didn't need to say, I just knew he felt the same way I did.

"Let it be," he whispered sweetly.

It was all we could do. Everything was out of our control, we were powerless against what was coming our way, all we could do was hold on tight and hope like hell we could get through it. I knew if I looked at the corner, I would see the darkness lurking, waiting for me to finally succumb to its smoky tentacles. Instead, I closed my eyes, squeezing out more tears. Jasper's lips captured them, pressing against my cheeks and neck in a mad race to stop the sorrow. Images of my past and future flashed behind closed lids, memories of running and playing, of being what I no longer was, wistful ones of a future with Jasper, and darker ones of a future without him. If I was told I would never walk again, I would have to accept my life in a chair, looking up at people while they looked down on me. Jasper tried to console me, resting his forehead on my cheek, his hair absorbing tears as they rolled down. His breath was hot as he began.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

With each word, I calmed. I don't know if it was the words, the meaning behind them or his voice, but my body relaxed and the tears eventually slowed. When I opened my eyes, he was still singing, my fingers tangled in his waves when I tugged on them. He looked at me and I gave him a half smile and began to mouth the words with him. Jasper continued to sing, his voice fading in and out as I fell asleep with him in my arms.

The next thing I remember was hearing his alarm in the distance and his muttering as he released my hand and turned off his alarm. His head returned to my chest and he snuggled into me. Once he realized I was awake, he kissed my neck and jaw and lips before I opened my eyes.

"I love you," he whispered reverently, "No matter what they say, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

He said the words I needed to hear, the words he honestly believed with all his heart. I should have never doubted Jasper could fix me. He was the only one that could.

"I love you too," I returned.

"All in," he reminded me.

"All in," I returned. "You should go."

Nodding, he got off the bed and put his sneakers on before grabbing his bag. "Call me as soon as you can."

"I will, I promise."

He gave me one more kiss before opening my window and sneaking out. Rolling on my side as best I could, I laid my hand in the warm spot he'd left behind. I wasn't sure when the first tear fell, but I felt the pillow dampening under me.

Behind me my phone vibrated with a text message, but I didn't have to look to know it was him or what he said.

All in

Jasper understood me better than anyone, but he couldn't understand this. There was no way he would understand what it was like to have someone tell you that you wouldn't walk again, that the rest of your life would be filled with catheters and ramps. No one but those in chairs like me could understand what it was like, the frustration, anger, the bitterness and resentment for all those around who were normal. They say people eventually accept their fate, and I didn't want to accept mine.

But I had a feeling after that day, I wouldn't have much choice.

"**~~**"

"But will I walk again?" I muttered the words for the third time.

Each of the two times previously they had been ignored, brushed away with a lengthy explanation about autonomic dysreflexia and Central Cord Syndrome. It was a simple yes or no answer, but they refused to give me either. I'd been stripped, questioned, prodded, tapped, poked, and yet I still didn't know what was going on. After I'd been allowed to redress, and after refusing anyone's help doing it, I had been told to wait until my parents were ushered back into an examination room to discuss the results.

I shivered. The room was cold. Stark white walls decorated with impersonal paintings and white furnishings didn't help warm it up. Even the daylight filtering in through the small window or the sweatshirt I was wearing did nothing to keep the chill away. But it wasn't those things that made the room so cold, it was something else, it was the unanswered question that remained in the air.

Dressed in a shirt, tie, and slacks with a stethoscope hanging around his neck, Dr. Sullivan looked at me over the rim of his glasses and sighed. Glancing at my father, who sat in a chair next to me, he waited for permission to continue. He apparently received it because he finally dragged his eyes back to mine and spoke.

"Edward, the damage to your spine was more severe than we first thought. Six months ago it was difficult to tell the amount of the damage with the swelling from the injury and operation. Now it's—"

"Dr. Sullivan," I pleaded.

My father reached over, covering my hand with his and drawing my attention to him. Through blurry vision, I looked at him, watching his lips move as they said the words I'd dreaded for six months.

"Edward, you won't be able to walk without assistance," he choked out in his rare fatherly voice. My mother wept quietly as I glanced back and forth between them.

"Are you sure?" I asked, turning back to Dr. Sullivan.

He nodded.

"But the spot on my leg, I can feel there," I challenged thickly, my hand pressing down on the spot, sending bolts of pain through me.

"It's not unusual for some sensory nerve signals to be getting through, but it won't ever be more than that," he confirmed.

It was done.

I was done.

My life as I had known it was done.

The chair was forever a part of me now, as were plastic tubes and MRIs and ramps. For weeks, I'd been preparing myself for this news, but it didn't lessen the blow at all. The boy in me had still hoped and wished and prayed for a miracle, for something that would tell me I didn't deserve this, that it was just some cruel joke.

But it wasn't a joke, it was reality.

My reality.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I wish there was something we could…"

The doctor's voice faded away as my thoughts gained volume in my head. No amount of words were going to comfort. What did he know, he was going to stand and walk out of that room, none of them understood what I was going through. They couldn't.

I pulled my hand out from under my fathers and put it back on the handrim. Not looking at any of them, I backed the chair up and spun it around. At the door, I clumsily opened it and rolled into the hallway, gathering speed with each forceful push of my wheels. Ignoring everyone around me and the calls from behind me, I made my way out of the building. Forgetting where the car was parked, I stopped just outside the automatic doors and hung my head.

"Jasper," I murmured to my lap, my useless, still lap. "I need you." I debating taking out my phone and calling him, but he was in class and his phone would be on silent. All I could do was wait.

"What? Can't keep up, Cullen?" he teased as he glanced at me.

Keeping my eyes on the horizon in front of us, I shook my head. "Fuck off, Whitlock," I huffed, disturbed that even with his long strides and the distance we'd run, he wasn't even winded. It was like he wasn't human.

While I sucked in gulps of air, he breathed quietly and picked up the pace. The synchronized sound of our feet hitting the pavement was soothing. No matter how many times I ran with him, I would never grow old of the feeling. It was more than the wind in my hair or the burn in my lungs and ache in my muscles, it was sharing something he loved. It was worth every bit of soreness I felt after to run alongside him, watch his body work so perfectly while his heart soured with the freedom running gave him. It was his sanctuary, a place where he was alone with his thoughts. Jasper ran for more than to win, he ran to solve problems, to make decisions, to daydream. There would never be a day we wouldn't run together, even if it was short sprints to help me for basketball or around the track when he needed to figure something out. We would discuss the problem and work out a solution together.

That day we were running for fun. Jasper had grown restless at my house, practically bouncing around me room with uncontainable energy. Even the two handjobs I'd given him hadn't calmed him. I should have known better than to suggest a run, but figured it was the quickest way to burn off energy.

Big mistake.

His pace was faster than usual and he never shut up.

We passed two miles with no hint of slowing down. Refusing to give up, I matched his pace until I was ready to pass out. Chuckling, he slowed to a moderate jog.

"Better?" he smirked. When I didn't acknowledged, he teased, "It's cute how you keep trying to beat me."

"Fuck off," I repeated, thanking him in my own way for letting me catch my breath.

He threw his head back and laughed heartily. Leaning toward me, he gently nudged my shoulder with his.

"Winner gets head first," he reminded me before sprinting head toward my house.

Smiling, I watched his body, every perfect inch of it, move further away from me. My eyes dropped to his firm ass in the running shorts. I had my reasons for always finishing behind him.

Grey clouds filled the sky but no rain fell. It was oppressive, heavy, and suffocating. My breaths were shallow and weak, probably garnering a few looks as people went by, but I didn't care. Let them look at the cripple. I wasn't sure how long I sat there alone, but tears steadily fell until it seemed there were no more left and only puffy, red eyes were left behind. It was then I felt my father's hand on my shoulder and could see my mother's shoes on the ground next to me.

"You okay?"

Not lifting my head I nodded.

"Let's go home."

Nodding again, I waited while he spoke to a young kid in a white shirt and red tie. Minutes later our car pulled up in front of us and I transferred to the front seat. My father took care of the chair while my mother got in the back.

"We'll get through this," my father vowed as he shifted and pulled away from the sidewalk.

Sighing, I put rested my temple against the cool, smooth glass and closed my eyes, imagining it was Jasper's warm shoulder instead. Instead of dreaming about walking again, of standing before Jasper on our wedding day or jumping up and down on the graduation stage, there were images of me coming home to an empty apartment, going to bed and waking up alone, a broken heart shrouded in darkness and bitterness. My father turned on the radio to try to fill the silence but it didn't work, it was still there, still filled with despair and disappointment. I would never again be the son they wanted or deserved. I would never be the lover Jasper yearned for. The motion of the car lulled me to sleep where my dreams were also plagued by images of being alone forever.

I don't know how long the ride took, or what my parents talked about, or even what time we got home, but I found myself in my room already changed for basketball practice. My body had gone through the motions even though my mind was elsewhere. Several times I'd picked up my phone to call Riley and tell him I wasn't going to practice, the words from earlier resonating in my head, but then I wanted to prove them all wrong. Maybe I never would walk again, but I could have basketball. I wasn't going to let them take it away from me.

So I waited by the front door for Riley's van to pull in.

"Are you sure you want to go?" my father asked hesitantly from behind me.

No. I wanted Jasper. I wanted my life back.

"Yeah," I answered.

He never asked again and when I saw Riley, I mumbled goodbye and opened the door. As I coasted down the ramp, I could hear the door of the van sliding open and the ramp extending.

"Get in, Cullen," he called out from inside.

I pushed up the ramp and set my bag down. Riley had already moved the seat back for me, and I moved to it. Once I was buckled up, Riley looked over at me, a trademark smile in place.

"What's up?"

"Nothing," I said with a shrug.

His eyes narrowed for a second but he shifted into a reverse and backed out. The van wasn't as smooth as my father's car so I didn't put my head on the window, but I turned to the side and watched the houses morph to trees as he headed for the highway. Riley chattered occasionally, though I wasn't sure about what. I must have nodded or responded in some way because he continued until we reached Port Angeles.

Pulling into a handicap space, Riley parked the van. "We're early. Want to go in and shoot?"

"Sure."

He moved his seat back and reached for his chair, easily shifting to it. Once he was out of the van, I mimicked his actions and grabbed my bag before rolling down the ramp to the pavement. Pressing a button on his keychain, the ramp raised and the doors closed. With his bag on his lap, he pushed up the metal ramp leading to the building. I followed behind him, watching the practiced movements of his arms as he spun the wheels. Inside, we rolled down the corridor and into the gym. Neither of us turned the lights on, we just went to the sidelines and dropped our bags. I unzipped mine and got my ball out, passing it to Riley.

He dribbled to the hoop and then took a close shot. I followed him, stopping my chair on the three point arc. Riley shot again before passing the ball to me. When I went to lift it my arms wouldn't move. The ball was heavy, like lead, and I was weak. I would only get weaker as time went on, soon I wouldn't even be able to move.

"Cullen?" he asked from a few feet away, his voice cutting through the thoughts. "You okay?"

The ball fell from my lap, landing on the floor with a bounce before rolling away. Staring at the hardwood floor, I shook my head.

"What's wrong?" his voice was soft, calming.

"Everything."

"Like what?"

My cheeks dampened and I bit my lip. Knowing my life was over was difficult enough, but telling someone else was impossible. Then again, it was Riley. If anyone could understand, it would be him. His chair invaded my line of vision, I saw his feet awkwardly resting on the pedals. Then his hand was on mine, prying it from the handrims.

"Tell me," he stated, not asked.

"Today was my sixth month," I sighed.

"Oh," he said with understanding. "The news wasn't good."

"No. Injured more severe than they though, lucky I can move as much as I do, won't ever walk again…" by the time I hit the end, I was sobbing. "Why me?"

Leaning toward me, he put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into a half hug. "I can't answer that. No one can."

"They don't get it, Riley," I said harshly, though I wasn't sure who I was referring to.

"I know they don't," he sighed, pulling me closer, "but I do."

Tears streamed down my face, soaking his practice jersey as he cradled my head on his shoulder. His other hand reached up and stroked my hair and it only made me cry harder. My heart tightened with grief and my chest heaved with shaky breaths.

"I…just…want…to walk…" I said brokenly between gasps and sniffles.

"Edward," he began softly, but didn't continue, he didn't need to.

Riley had been there, he'd heard the same news I had, he'd had his future ripped from his hands as well. He knew the pain, the embarrassment and humiliation, he knew exactly what it felt like to be sentenced to a life of looking up at others. His body was like mine, broken in the same way, but he'd rebuilt his life one thing at a time, and it was because of him that I knew it was possible. There was the energy in his voice, the bright smile he always wore, the sparkle in his dark eyes, things he couldn't fake, they were real for him.

Riley was happy.

His lips were at my ear, making soothing sounds as he held me as close as he could at the awkward angle with the chairs in the way. It was a different kind of comfort than I felt with Jasper. With Riley I felt a connection on a level I no longer could with anyone else, including Jasper. Riley just simply knew what I was going through.

Keeping my head buried in the crook of his warm neck, I inhaled in his unfamiliar scent and curled my arms around him. My hand found the hair at his nape, lightly fisting the strands to calm myself. A tremor went through him as I desperately clutched at him, unable to get myself close enough. My fingers grazed the exposed skin of his shoulder and the soft wisps of his hair brushed my cheek. Words were lost in my head, and I let them go, satisfied just to be held. Each touch of his fingers in my hair and on my back chased away the fear, leaving behind a unique peace I'd never felt before.

In a dark gym, two broken boys found solace in each other.

"I know how you feel," he whispered, his breath was warm and moist on my skin when he spoke. "It's okay, Edward. It's okay to accept a new future, it doesn't mean it's worse, just different."

His words weaved their way through the darkness in my mind, poking a hole in it to let in a ray of hope. Clenching my eyes, I attempted to gain control over the tears constantly spilling onto my cheeks. Was he right? Was it okay to accept the chair, was it okay to give up my dreams, to change them to something else entirely? Was it okay to still drag Jasper down the new road with me?

There was a wetness of lips to my neck and I shuddered. Lifting my head from his shoulder, I blinked a few times, forcing myself to focus on his sapphire eyes. I'd never noticed how many different shades of blue they contained. Hesitantly, he put his forehead to mine, exhaling when we touched.

"It gets better," he promised.

Closing my eyes I nodded slightly. The tears had stopped, leaving behind streaks and puffy eyes. The ache in my chest remained but had lessened from Riley's touch and words. His hand stilled in my hair and just as I went to open my eyes to ask him what was wrong, I felt the feather light sweep of his lips over mine. Taking a sharp breath, my upper body stiffened, but I didn't move. Not daring to open my eyes, I waited to him to pull way, to say it was an accident.

He did neither.

His warm lips grazed mine again with more instance. Gripping his hair, I tried to force myself to react, to shove him away, ask him what the fuck he was doing.

I did neither.

Remaining still, I let the unfamiliar lips move tentatively over mine. There was no spark, no instant need for more, but there was something else. There was an understanding, an acceptance, and knowledge. Things I craved, things I needed from someone who knew. It wasn't Jasper, someone who had no idea what I felt like telling me it was going to be okay, it was someone who knew, someone who had been there before. With a quiet moan in the back of his throat, the tip of his tongue traced the seam of my lips. Suddenly, it was wrong. It wasn't comforting or consoling, it was a line I didn't want to cross, and yet, I already had. Snapping my eyes open in shock, I released his hair. Breaking the kiss, I sat upright and shook my head as my heart pounded uncertainly in my chest.

There was instant regret on his face, etched in his all-American boy features as arms slid from around me and fell onto his lap.

"Edward…"

I searched his face for the answers to all the questions I had but found none. He was confused as I was, maybe even more. For once, he wasn't wearing his trademark smile. He tugged his lower lip between his teeth anxiously as he eyed me warily through the hair in front of his eyes. Long lashes fluttered closed for a second before opening again, almost as if he'd thought it hadn't really happened.

That he hadn't kissed me.

Reaching for the handrims of the chair, I pushed backwards until I could no longer feel his breath on my skin or the heat radiating from his body.

"I…I'm sorry…I can't….do this." I spun the chair and quickly rolled over the sidelines. Reaching down, I grabbed my bag and set it on my lap. Whipping around, I pushed across the gym to the doors.

"Edward, wait," he called out as I crossed the threshold and into the hallway. "I'm sorry!"

His voice grew fainter as I neared the main entrance. Slamming my hand against the button, I waited until the door opened enough for me to fit through. I pushed down the ramp, gathering speed with each swing of my arms. The fresh air washed over me, but did nothing to clear my mind because it wasn't until I got to the end of the ramp that I realized Riley was my ride. I had no way to get home.

"Motherfucker," I muttered. Digging through my bag, I pulled out my cell phone and pressed his number. It wasn't until I heard his 'hey, baby' that the tears once again streamed down my face.

There were sounds of rustling as he moved before speaking again. "Are you okay?"

I took a few deep breaths before replying, I couldn't let him hear the panic in my voice. "I need a ride home, can you come get me?"

I could practically hear his thoughts, the questions tossing around in his mind while he quickly tried to access why I was calling for a ride. Eventually, I would answer some of them, but right then, I just needed him to accept that I needed him to come get me. There was more movement before he responded and knew he was putting on his sneakers and grabbing his keys.

"I'm on my way," he said. "Where are you?"

"Port Angeles, the gym."

"Baby, it's going to take me an hour to get there," he reminded me and I closed my eyes.

"I know, please hurry," I begged, the shakiness returning to my voice.

"Are you okay?" he repeated.

"Yeah," I assured him, though I was far from okay. I could hear his truck as he started it.

"I'll be there as soon as I can," he promised before finishing with, "Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon…" Unable to say the last word to him after what had just happened, I pulled the phone away from my ear and hung up.

"Is he coming?" Riley asked softly from behind me.

Hanging my head and not looking at him, I nodded. "He's on his way."

"I can give you a ride home, Edward," he said dejectedly.

"It's okay," I tried to add strength to my voice that I didn't feel. "You can go back to practice. "

Sighing heavily, he moved his chair next to me, but I refused to raise my eyes from the cracked sidewalk. "I'm sorry, Edward, I really am. I didn't intend to…kiss you. It just happened."

"It's okay," I mumbled, attempting to brush it off to the unintentional kiss it had been, but something gnawed inside me.

"I don't want it to change things between us, I want to be your friend," Riley offered.

"We're fine," I reassured him, then lied, "It's no big deal."

In my peripheral vision, I saw his hand reach as if to touch me, but it dropped to his lap. "Want me to wait with you?"

It was a brave offer. He didn't know how much I had or hadn't told Jasper, he didn't know what Jasper's reaction would be, yet he still offered to wait by my side. I shook my head.

"At least wait in my van," he suggested. "It's unlocked, just hit the button on the side and the doors will open. I'm sorry," he repeated and placed my basketball on my lap. He watched me for a long moment before turning his chair and going up the ramp.

"Riley?" I never looked at him but I heard the wheels of his chair stop moving. "Please tell Sam I didn't feel well."

He didn't reply, but I knew he would do as I had requested. As soon as I heard the doors to the building slide open, I put my ball in my bag and went to his van and pressed the button. I didn't really want to wait in it, but it was better than sitting on the sidewalk in the growing dark where all the other players could see me. Inside the van, I turned the chair so I could see out the side window. Taking a deep breath, I recognized Riley's faint scent.

That was when the guilt flooded me, hitting me all at once with tears, shallow breaths, and an aching heart. When the waves of guilt ebbed, shame quickly took its place. Riley hadn't kissed me to be mean or steal me away from Jasper, it had been a done in a moment of comfort, but I hadn't pulled away at the first touch of his lips. Nausea crept through me, my stomach churning while my mind replayed the kiss over and over again like a DVD menu. I could practically still feel the pressure of his lips, their softness, and when I ran my tongue along my bottom lip, I swear I could taste him.

I'd never kissed another boy besides Jasper. I had never wanted to.

I avoided looking out the window when my teammates arrived. Having adjusted to the silence in the van except for my sniffling, I jumped when my phone rang.

"I'll be there in five minutes," he said calmly. I was sure he was breaking many traffic laws because it had only been forty-five minutes since I'd called. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I answered stronger than I had before.

"See you in a minute," he vowed before disconnecting.

Rocking the chair forward, I coasted down the ramp and pressed the button again. The ramp lifted before the door slid closed. I had just turned the chair around when Jasper pulled into the parking lot. Pulling into the empty spot next to me, he threw the truck into park and jumped out, leaving his door opened behind him. Immediately, his hands were skimming over me, my shoulders, arms, and head as he examined me for the injury he assumed I had. What hurt me was nothing he would ever be able to see.

"I'm okay," I told him weakly, "just need to go home."

Crouching in front of me, he cupped my chin and forced my watery eyes to his. There was no hiding the evidence.

"What happened? What did they say?" he asked, referring to the doctor's appointment.

"Please just take me home," I sighed.

Just as I knew he would, Jasper did exactly as I asked and lifted me out the chair and into the cab of his truck. While he put the chair in the back, I slid across to give him enough room to get behind the wheel. The door to the bed of the truck slammed shut and seconds later he was next to me, his concerned eyes once again scanning me from head to toe. I knew how difficult it was for him to not ask me any questions, to just turn the ignition and back out of the space.

After wanting to do it all day, I finally laid my head on his shoulder, seeking the strength and comfort I knew would always be there. Closing my eyes, I cried silently and moved my hand to his thigh. He didn't hesitate in curving his own around it.

True to his stubborn nature, he once again asked me to tell him what was wrong but I only shook my head. How could I tell him my life was over, that the lives we had dreamt and planned for were over? How does someone shatter another's future?

Even though he was next to me and I could feel his muscles and heat, I was unable to imagine all the things I normally did for our future. I couldn't see us at collage or married or living together. Things that had ruled my thoughts for years now seemed impossible. I didn't doubt Jasper, or his love or commitment to me, but I did doubt whether or not it was right to burden him with my paralysis for the rest of his life. He would never know the thrust of my hips or feel my cock in his ass.

Our lives had changed so much in the course of a few months. We'd gone from carefree teenagers whose biggest worries were when we could get naked again to one of us pushing his body to the limits to raise money while the other could barely move. He would run while I could only sit and watch. I didn't want to be on the sidelines, I wanted to be running with him. It would never change, our lives were stagnant in that way. I could stand for brief minutes with two people helping me but I could never again stand on my own. There would be no wind in my hair from running, I wouldn't feel my muscles burn or ache or tremble from overuse. I would forever be looking up at people as they looked down on me, physically and mentally. No matter how many times Jasper told me otherwise, I was less of a man.

I would never be whole again.

Jasper's college years would be spent running around a track while I sat in the bleachers.

Was it fair of me to expect him to be my boyfriend and physical therapist? Should he have to care for me just because he was able-bodied? I already knew the answer to that, it was just one I didn't want to listen to.

Months before Jasper had knelt in front of me in my shower, his hair soaked while his tears mixed with the tap water, and as he pleadingly looked up at me, he begged me not to give up, to just let it be. It was time to let it be, it was time to let him be.

Jasper remained silent for the rest of the drive, but his hand never left mine. Ashamed, I kept my eyes closed, I couldn't look at him again, he would see the guilt. Just as my eyes dried, he began to sing. In a sweet, quiet voice, Jasper sang our song to me, and as he did so, the tears began to fall again.

He pulled into my driveway and turned off the truck but made no motion to move. Picking my hand up off his leg, he kissed it and then held it tightly.

"I'm going to get you inside, then we're talking," he said firmly.

Before I could even think about replying, he was out of the truck and pulling out the chair. He returned to the driver's side and scooped me up. Instead of placing me in the chair, he cradled me to him, his lips pursed at my temple. I couldn't resist putting my head on his shoulder and holding him tightly.

"Baby," he murmured, "what happened…"

I didn't answer. Gently, he placed me in the chair and then reached into the truck for my bag and placed the strap on his shoulder instead of giving it to me to carry. Turning the chair, I pushed toward the ramp, my heart clenching each time I heard his heavy footsteps behind me, each one a reminder that he was walking up the ramp because of me. He should be leaping up the steps.

I wanted to tell him not to come inside, I needed to be alone, but any words would be lost on him. He wasn't going to listen to me telling him to go away. Reaching the door, I gripped the handle and decided to try anyway.

"Why don't you go home," I said over my shoulder.

Ignoring me he waited until I opened the door and pushed inside. I didn't notice if there was anyone in the living room as I rolled down the hallway to my bedroom, dreading the closing of the door behind me as Jasper walked in and tossed my bag on the floor.

With my back to him, I stopped in front of the window, my eyes falling onto the pool, moonlight glimmering off the surface of the water. It was where we'd shared our first kiss. Lifting my hand, I ran my finger along my bottom lip, the sensation of Riley's pressed to mine still there. Suddenly my view of the window was blocked.

Jasper stood before me in his wrinkled tee shirt and baggy shorts. I didn't have to look up to know his eyes were full of concern.

I wanted him to leave.

I needed him there with me.

That's when I saw it. The truck's cab had been dark on the way home, and tears and closed lids had blocked my vision so much I hadn't noticed.

Encircling his ring finger on his left hand was his wedding band. The band we'd picked out and purchased together, the one that meant our lives would be forever entwined. He must have been playing with it when I'd called him. While Jasper had been planning our wedding, I had been kissing another boy.

Closing my eyes didn't stop the wealth of tears that appeared and fell down my cheeks, dripping from my face into my tee shirt. The first had barely escaped me before Jasper was on his knees, his hands peeling mine from the wheels to my lap where he covered them with one of his. Fingertips lightly traced the tracks of my tears. Not bothering to even pretend he could keep up with them, he just let them fall. I knew if I looked at him I would see his concern had changed to pity, an emotion I never wanted to see from him. He made soothing sounds and regardless of how much my life was crumbling, I calmed. When the tears had slowed, I felt lips pressing to mine, salty and wet and forgiving. As he pulled away, I finally opened my eyes to face him.

"Tell me, babe," he requested softly, gently. Holding his gaze, I shook my head. "What did they say?"

That my life was over.

"I won't—I-I won't-"

My chest heaved as the words weighted heavily in my heart. I'd never thought I would have to tell Jasper our lives were over. Even after I had been told that very thing, I somehow held out hope it would change by the time I got home.

"Babe," he coaxed softly, but didn't pressure me to speak. He didn't want me to say it any more than I wanted to. My eyes closed and his palm framed my cheek, absorbing the tears as they fell.

Once again stealing his strength, I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. Keeping my eyes closed, I spoke, "I won't walk. Ever."

Even with my eyes closed, I knew his expression. I'd seen it enough times. I knew his brows were pulled toward each other with deep lines above them, I knew his lips were tight and closed, and his eyes were filled with pity. His hand squeezed mine and his thumb stroked my cheek, smearing my grief into my skin.

"Edward," he said and then waited until I finally opened my eyes to see him. He was blurry and wet. "It doesn't change us."

But it did change us. Our dreams were gone, evaporated into the air of some doctor's office when he damned my future. Pale blue eyes gazed at me with so much love and hope, and my heart habitually skipped a beat but it didn't matter anymore. He could love me all he wanted, but he would never understand what it was like. Jasper got out bed every morning and stood on two strong legs. He walked. He ran. He kicked and thrust and danced and jumped.

He did everything I never would.

No. Jasper would never understand.

"You don't understand, but…he can," I mumbled under my breath.

"He?"

"Riley," I whispered, "but then he…ruined it."

Maybe Riley hadn't ruined anything, maybe he'd shown me what I needed to see. Jasper and I would never be on a level playing field again, even if I manage to walk a few steps with braces, but Riley and I already were on that field together, playing for the same team. I wouldn't be a burden to Riley. I would be his equal. Jasper's hands never left me, there was a wet warmth on my face and our hands were tightly gripped. Even with the words I spoke, he never let me go.

His brows drew even closer together and his lips parted in confusion and worry. "What are you talking about? Did he hurt you? How did he ruin it?"

I could have not said a word, I could have lied, Jasper would have believed me. There were plenty of excuses for my behavior, but I didn't do either of those. Instead, I swallowed and held his sad blue eyes with mine.

"He kissed me."

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Thank you to C for everything.

Two more chapters, then the epilogue.

I am happy, and nervous, to announce that my original fiction story called Chase the Storm is now available for preorder through DreamSpinner Press on both ebook and paperback. wwwDOTdreamspinnerpressDOTcom/store/indexDOTphp?cP ath=55_860

I also have a new blog, it will contain updates of not only the book, but fanfiction as well, teasers, ramblings, etc. vmwaittDOTblogspotDOTcom/, and yes, there are more m&a outtakes to come