Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.
A/N- Thank you for the kind words and reviews for the last chapter. I'm not sure if a tissue warning is necessary for this chapter, but it is angsty. Also, it's a bit shorter than usual, but you'll see why. We go back a bit in time to get Jasper's side of events.
This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.
Now Jasper's pov
"**~~**"
If on a winter's night he hadn't broken us…
"**~~**"
My pounding strides ate the tartan track, each one longer and faster than the last. Every muscle ached in protest, having barely recovered from the thirteen mile run only three days before. My lungs expanded with each burning breath and yet I still ran faster. It didn't matter how fast I ran, how much I pushed my body, my mind and heart weren't in the run, they were sitting in a cold doctor's office in Seattle. I wanted to be there with him holding his hand. Realistically, I knew even if I had gone, I wouldn't have been to hold his hand, but I could have looked at him, maybe even hugged him.
I could have just…been there.
Deep down, I knew Edward had been right, I needed to try to qualify, but it wasn't where I wanted to be.
I wanted…needed, to be with him.
And up until the day before, I had planned to.
Gym class was almost over when Mr. Foote told me my track coach wanted to see me in his office. After class, I'd changed and met Edward outside the locker room. Just as he turned to leave, I stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.
"I need to see Coach. I won't be long."
He rolled next to me down the hall to Coach's office. I knocked on the glass of the door, waiting for the muffled "come in" before entering.
"You wanted to see me?" I asked, glancing around the room. It was as basic an office as you could get, a simple desk, even simpler chair, and a small trophy case filled with victories behind him. Books focusing on sports medicine and philosophy were piled messily on the shelves next to him.
He looked up from his laptop smiling. "Good news, Whitlock."
"Yeah?" I shifted my backpack higher onto my shoulder.
"You were missed at the meet on Saturday, you're absence was noticed," he said.
"How is that good news?"
He leaned back and took off his baseball cap, running a hand through his thinning hair before replacing it. "I was approached by the coaches from La Push and Port Angeles, both of them curious where my wonder boy was."
"Wonder boy?" I scoffed.
Shaking his head, he continued, "I explained your situation, where you were, and they were both impressed. Not only about the distance you were running, but the money you raised and why. Anyway, they offered to let you still qualify for the state meet if you want."
My eyes widened. I hadn't known what to expect when I entered his office, but it certainly hadn't been that. "Really? How?"
"Give you a chance to run, just for time, on a neutral track. Coach Wilson offered his."
"When?" I asked, excitement creeping into my voice.
"Tomorrow after school," he grinned.
My heart skipped forward a beat before dropping. "Tomorrow?" I asked quietly and he nodded.
"At four. We can ride up together, or you can follow me in your own car," he offered.
I sighed, my chin dropping to my chest. It had been nice while it lasted but there was no way I was going. "Can I think about it?"
Shocked, his mouth fell open as he stared at me. "You need to think about it?"
"Yeah. I have something I really need to do tomorrow, I wasn't going to be at school," I told him. He didn't need to know the reason.
"Oh, I see. Any chance you could reschedule?"
"No, sir," I mumbled.
"Well, see what you can do and get back to me, I need to call Coach Wilson in the morning and let him know whether or not to expect us."
"Okay," I said, and giving him a nod, turned and swung the door open, my eyes falling on Edward.
He looked up at me hopefully and expectant, waiting to hear why I'd been summoned. Unable to tell him, I turned and walked down the hall as fast as my sore body would allow. I was completely aware of Edward pushing the chair behind me, I just couldn't face him. I couldn't let him see that for just a second, I'd considered running instead of going with him. When I reached the door, I burst through it, holding it open for Edward before following him down the ramp and to the truck.
Opening the door, I tossed my bag on the floor and then bent over to lift Edward, ignoring the screaming muscles in my lower back as I straightened and placed him on the seat. He settled while I put his chair in the back. Sliding behind the wheel, I dug my keys out of my pocket.
"What's wrong?" he asked softly.
"Nothing," I mumbled as I shoved the key into the ignition.
"Jas," he sighed.
I shouldn't have told him, I should have just gone with him and forgotten about States, but he knew something was wrong and he wasn't going to believe anything but the truth. Staring out the windshield, I told him.
"Coach spoke to some of the other coaches at the qualifier on Saturday. They asked where I was and he told them. They said if I still wanted to qualify, I could do it tomorrow. I would have to go to Port Angeles and run on their track using one of their officials, but if I make the time, I can go to States."
"Seriously? That's great."
Confused, I frowned at him. It wasn't great, it was horrible. "How is it great?"
"You'll qualify," he reassured.
He thought I was worried about not running fast enough. Shaking my head, I reminded him. "It's not that. I wanted to go with you."
As he realized what I meant, his face fell, the brief and rare excitement from a few seconds before vanished, quickly replaced by a resolve and determination I knew well. The small lines on his forehead as he thought, the fading light in his eyes, the tugging on his bottom lip, all signs of what he was going to say next. He didn't even need to speak.
"Jasp-"
"Don't," I growled. "I'm not going." I didn't want him to give me a choice, I didn't want a choice, I didn't want to make the wrong one.
Then his hand was on my leg and my heart immediately slowed and my body warmed. "Love, you need to. You have to do this for yourself."
Shaking my head, I tried to ignore his soothing voice and touch and stick to what was right. "It's not important."
"So it's okay to do shit for me, but not for yourself?" he growled.
Yes.
Didn't he understand what the next day was? How much I wanted to be with him? It wasn't just his future he was going to find out, it was mine too.
"It's not like tomorrow it just another checkup, Edward, it's big and I want to be there," I explained.
"It won't make a difference whether you're there or not, they're still going to tell me I'll never walk again," he said sadly, already resigned that the news he would hear wouldn't be good.
I moved my hand from the keys to cover his on my lap. "Then I want to be there if they do."
He held my stare for a few seconds before he laid his head on my shoulder. "I know, but I want you to run. If not for you, then for me."
Starting the truck, I shifted into reverse and backed out of the space, my mind leaping back and forth between where my heart wanted to be and where my mind said I should be. Logically, I knew Edward was right, I did need to run. I was being offered a chance to fulfill a dream and I owed it to both us, to all the years of training, to do follow through. At the same time, I couldn't let Edward go through the appointment alone. Even if I had to sit in some boring, uncomfortable waiting room while he was with the doctor, I needed to be there when he got out.
"Love, you can't come in the room with me anyway, and my dad will be with us on the drive. It's not like we can celebrate or..."
He was right. There would be no comforting in the back seat of his dad's Volvo. The closest we could get would be our thighs touching, and Edward wouldn't even be able to feel that. But we didn't have to touch, our bodies could be miles apart and we were still together. I could still support him, talk to him.
"But I could just be there," I countered.
"If you're there, I'm going to want to touch you, maybe it's better this way. Plus, you get to qualify for States and kick all their asses," he challenged lightly.
"What about your practice?"
"Riley can bring me."
He had all the answers. My excuses were running out.
"Please?"
"Fine, but I don't like it," I mumbled, giving in to his wishes.
Arriving at his house, we went inside, discovering freshly made brownies in the kitchen. I spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch watching my boy. While I pretended to read The Watchman, Edward pretended to care about teaching Jenna how to play the piano. Neither of our minds were on our tasks, the glances we stole at each were proof of that. I stayed for dinner, resting my foot against Edward's under the table and our eyes meeting over our plates of lasagna.
I helped clear the dishes before following Edward to his room under the guise of having homework to do. It was the last week of our senior year, we hadn't had much homework for weeks. He transferred to the bed while I closed the door and turned off the lights. Hitting play on his iHome, I crawled into bed next to him, putting my head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around me. I kissed his neck, I breathed in his ear, I listened to his heart and held him close, but not once did either of us speak. Words would not ease our worry, they would only trivialize it. Right then, he didn't' want to hear it was going to be okay.
Our hearts and souls and bodies were entwined, but our minds were elsewhere, individually dreading the next day. The dreamer in me held onto the sliver of hope Edward would hear good news, that at the very least he would regain some sensation, but the past six months had taught me no matter how much we wish and dream, they don't always come true. I fell asleep every night begging for God to take my legs and give Edward his, and I woke up every morning able to jump out of bed. While Edward dreamed about walking, he woke up to stillness.
Once again two lives were going to be forever changed the next day, but at least we were prepared for it. When Edward sighed, I knew he was imagining the worst, that the news he might hear would lead to the end of us.
It was near midnight when I slowly lifted my head and kissed him. I wanted to stay, I wanted to be there all night, I wanted to protect him from whatever darkness I knew would attack him when I left.
"I don't want you to leave," he confessed breathlessly.
"Then I won't," I whispered.
"They won't let you stay again," he said with defeat.
"They don't have to know." His brows gathered and I nodded toward the window.
"Jas-" he tried to warn but I stopped him with a light kiss.
"I'll park the truck down the street and be right back."
"You can't," he tried to argue but I could hear the pleading hope in his voice.
"I'll be right back," I promised, and kissing his temple, I sat up and put my sneakers on before grabbing my keys.
I made sure to leave heavy footsteps in the hallway and close their front door with some extra force before trotting to the truck and climbing in. Backing out of the driveway, I drove down the road about a quarter of a mile and pulled off to the side. Hopping out, I locked the truck and broke into a jog back to Edward's. Much quieter than when I had left a few minutes before, I opened the gate to his backyard and snuck past the bushes to his window. When I looked in, I found Edward sitting in his chair and the screen already opened.
"Dear Edward, won't you come out to play?" I whispered in the tune of "Dear Prudence".
His smile lit up the dark room and I hoisted myself up and through his window. Edward grabbed my hands and pulled me in so I didn't give us away by falling into a heap on his floor. Standing, I closed the screen and toed off my sneakers again.
"They're going to kill you if they find out," he said as he moved back to the bed, dragging his legs along the blanket as he turned onto his back.
"They won't find out. I'll set my alarm and leave before they get up."
Not even bothering to change into sweatpants, I waited until he was settled and climbed onto the bed next to him. We resumed our positions from before, my head on his chest and an arm around his middle while he curled his around me, bringing my shirt up with his hand and stroking my lower back. Kissing my hair, he sighed into it, trembling when it tickled his lips.
"I'm scared, love," he admitted in a weak voice.
Raising my head, I found his cheeks shiny with the few tears making their way down his pale skin. There was so much I could have said, should have said, so many things he needed to hear and know and believe, but only a few words pushed through all others in my mind. Not 'it's okay' or 'you'll be fine' or even 'I love you'. The words I thought of, the most powerful in my head, were those I'd told him in the shower months before when he was faced with accepting his new life.
"Let it be," I whispered reverently.
No matter the news the next day, good or bad, it was beyond our control to change, all we could do was accept the challenge and face it head on.
Together.
Screwing his eyes shut, the tears escaped out the sides and made their way down his face as I kissed each one away before it fell onto his shirt. Each time they slowed, a new round would appear and he would start again. It wasn't just worry about the next day that poured from Edward's soul that night, it was the past six months, it was the loss of an old life and anxiousness of a new one, it was change and stagnancy, it was catheters and basketball, wedding rings and vows. It was the fear of accepting meant the same as giving up.
Words, all of them, seemed so insignificant, small and useless. It was the feeling I felt when I sat down to write my vows to him. How does someone explain how much they love someone, how much their lives are worth living because of that person? It seemed no matter what I wrote, it was never enough to fully encompass how much Edward truly meant to me.
He was my world.
My boy.
Resting my forehead to his cheek, I let my hair catch his tears and began to do the only thing I could think of to reassure him.
I sang.
When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
By the time I hit the last verse, the tears had slowed and he was sniffling lightly between deeper breaths. Gradually, he calmed and his eyes fluttered opened. His long fingers wound themselves in my hair and he tugged on it. When I looked up, he gave me a small smile, his eyes still bright with moisture as he mouthed the words with me.
I don't know how many times I sang it to him, my voice eventually growing hoarse long after his eyes had closed and sleep had taken his exhausted body. For hours, I continued to sing and watch over him, wondering what he was dreaming about when he smiled. With my head on shoulder, my lips near the tender skin of his neck, I finally fell asleep.
"**~~**"
The alarm woke me as planned, and it took all my effort to pry my eyes open. My body was heavy and warm and held. Not only was Edward's arm embracing me, but during the night our hands had found each other and our fingers were entwined. Peeling the side of my face from Edward's shirt, I let go of his hand and hit snooze on my phone. I just wanted ten more minutes with him.
Laying my head back down, I felt his breathing shift and knew he was awake. I kissed along his neck and worked my way to his lips, sweeping mine over his before opening my eyes to look at him. Evidence of the night before was still there, puffy, blood shot eyes and stained cheeks flawed his face but the grief had eased, leaving behind a cloudiness in his forest eyes.
"I love you," I murmured, "No matter what they say, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."
"I love you too," he whispered.
"All in," I reminded him.
"All in. You should go," he sighed sadly.
I got off the bed and found my sneakers. Stuffing my feet in them, I grabbed my phone. "Call me as soon as you can."
"I will, I promise."
One more kiss later and I was climbing ungracefully out his window and lowering myself to the ground. Crouching so I stayed below the windows, I made my way to the side yard and when I thought I was clear, bolted through the front yard and headed for the truck in a sprint. Unlocking it, I got behind the wheel and pulled out my phone, typing a text to him before I even started the truck.
All in.
With only a few hundred yards left, I sprinted as fast as my weakened body would allow toward the coaches standing at the finish line. When I crossed it, they both clicked their stopwatches and I slowed to a walk, my hands went behind my head as I took in deep breaths.
"Four-forty-four. Not bad, Whitlock. Well under qualifying. Looks like you're going to States," Coach Wilson said, stuffing his stopwatch back into his pocket.
I nodded, not able to give him much more acknowledgement then that and a breathless 'thanks'.
"Going to be a busy with graduation and the state meet in the same weekend," my coach added.
"Yeah," I agreed, keeping my eyes on the grass under me as I walked around the infield.
"I'll email you the details, we can figure out where to meet. It's just you and Martin that made it this year," he said, "so maybe we can ride up together."
"Sure." I just wanted to leave. Returning to them, I picked up my bag and tossed it on my shoulder. "Can I go?"
"Yeah, sure, Whitlock. See you tomorrow," Coach said.
I thanked Coach Wilson for his time and track and then jogged through the open gate. I didn't slow until I reached my truck. Throwing the bag in, I started up the truck and backed out, flooring the gas pedal and leaving rubber behind as I sped out of the lot onto the street. Realistically, I knew Edward wasn't home, he's already left for practice, but I would feel better as soon as I was closer. Picking up my phone, I typed a message to Edward.
I love you. Thinking about you. CU soon
I set the phone next to me and waited for a reply.
There wasn't one.
"**~~**"
The band was shiny, polished, and perfect. Every time I put it on, it felt more and more like it belonged. Turning it around my finger, I stared at it and imagined all that it represented.
Forever.
"Do you think we'll be together forever?"
The question slipped from my lips effortlessly and I instantly regretted it. We'd been dating less than a month and I was already asking about forever. Next to me, Edward's shirtless body was relaxed as he lazily turned his head toward me and opened one eye in the bright sun. The meadow flowers were in bloom around us but all I could smell was Edward.
"Do you?" he asked, turning the question around.
"Yes," I said without doubt.
He studied me for a few seconds before his lips curled into a smile. "Me too."
"You do?" I asked with relief and he nodded.
"It will be you and me always," he vowed.
I moved closer, hovering over him, my eyes bouncing between his green ones and his lips as his tongue wet them. "No matter what?"
His long fingers reached up and pushed my hair off my face. "No matter what." Tugging on my waves, he pulled me to him, sealing the promise with our lips.
Sighing, I gazed at the ring. We were forever, I had no doubt. Rolling onto my side, I went to reach for my backpack and some paper. I had wedding vows to write. Just as I went to unzip my bag, "Let it Be" filled my room. Leaning back, I grabbed my phone off the table, alarmed at why he would be calling during his practice.
"Hey, baby," I answered softly.
"Jas?" he sobbed, asking as if he wasn't sure it was me.
My heart halted, clenching tightly right before adrenaline rushed through me. Bolting upright, I asked, "Are you okay?"
Trying to calm himself, he took a few deep breaths, but it was too late, I'd already heard the urgency in his voice. I already knew he wasn't okay even before I had asked him.
"I need a ride home, can you come get me?"
Standing, I shoved my feet into my sneakers and grabbed my keys off the nightstand. I should have asked why, what was wrong, what happened, was he hurt? But all I could think of was, "I'm on my way. Where are you?"
"Port Angeles, the gym," he replied, barely in control.
Fuck.
"Baby, it's going to take me an hour to get there."
"I know," he choked, "please hurry."
If he was hurt, and hour was too much time to risk, he needed help.
"Are you okay?" I asked again, hoping to get more information. I was already out the door and sitting in my truck.
"Yeah."
Slightly relieved, I started the truck and began backing out of the driveway. "I'll be there as soon as I can. Be safe, baby."
"See ya soon…"
He never finished.
"Fuck," I growled in the empty cab, tossing my phone on the seat next to me and pressing the gas. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."
The truck lurched forward and I sped down the road, barely slowing for the stop sign before turning to barrel through town and toward the highway. Except for the growing roar of the engine, the only sound in the cab was my pounding heart. Horrible images plagued me, each flash worse than the one before it. Regardless of what he said, I saw him hurt and bleeding, I saw twisted metal and glass, gashes on his head and a twisted spine. I saw him weak, unconscious, and alone. I heard him murmuring 'help me'.
Even worse than the images of Edward physically hurt were those of Edward sitting in an office while the doctor took away all hope of ever walking again. News like that wasn't something anyone should have heard alone, I should have been there with him, for him.
I drove faster.
But no matter how fast I went, it wasn't fast enough, time slowed and my mind filled, clouding with memories and fears.
"Baby, what's wrong" I asked him in the empty cab.
It was far too much time later I pulled off the highway and flew through Port Angeles toward the gym. Picking up my phone, I tapped Edwards's number.
"I'll be there in five minutes," I said as I entered the center of town. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," he replied, his voice surer than earlier.
"See you in a minute," he told him just I turned onto the road to the gym.
The headlights flashed over his figure sitting in the chair next to Riley's van. Directing the truck into the spot next to him, I slammed on the brakes, threw the gearshift into park and opened the door. Relived to see he appeared to be fine, I closed the short distance between us and began checking him over, my hands grazing over his upper body.
"I'm okay, I just need to go home," he said quietly.
Crouching in front of him, I took his chin in my hand and made him look at me. The tears I'd heard earlier still stained his cheeks, and fresh ones began to fall.
"What happened? What did they say?" I asked him.
"Nothing. Please take me home," he sighed.
Lifting him, I turned and placed him on the seat of the cab before securing his chair in the bed of the truck. Getting behind the wheel, I looked him up and down one last time before shifting into reverse and backing out. Edward's head fell to my shoulder, his warmth immediately soothing me even as his eyes shed more tears. When his hand moved to my thigh, I took mine from the wheel and covered his, squeezing it reassuringly.
"Babe, what's wrong?" I knew he wouldn't answer but I had to ask him. He shook his head and cried harder.
The haunting images from before returned, and even though I felt Edward beside me, could hear his sniffles, I felt him slipping from my grasp, from my life. It was as if he was reconstructing the wall he had built after the accident, once again surrounding himself with mortar and brick, creating a fortress to keep himself in.
And me out.
I wanted to beg him to stop, to let me inside before it was too late, but I didn't.
Because it was already too late.
Taking one last chance, trying to get through with the one thing that might work, I began to sing our song. I repeated it until we pulled into his driveway. Turning off the truck, I raised his hand to my lips and kissed it before getting his chair out. Lifting him, I held him to me.
"Baby, what happened," I whispered into his hair.
He was silent. Putting him in the chair, I watched as he turned for the ramp. At the door, he paused and told me to go home. When he realized I wasn't leaving, he opened the door and went inside, leaving it open for me. I followed him down the hall and into his room. There was an air of defeat around him, his slumped shoulders and hanging head as he rolled to the window and stared out at the pool. It was a placed that served many memories, it was a place he sat and grieved and mourned.
I stepped between him and the window, breaking his view but he refused to look up at me. Instead, his eyes fell on my left hand.
On the band still encircling my finger.
Before more tears began to darken his already damp tee shirt, I dropped to me knees and took his hands from the wheels, placing them on his lap. Covering them with mine, I reached up with my other and ran it down his cheeks, watching as his tears reached the tip of my finger and split into two. For each one that fell, two more were created. I let him cry. I let him sob and weep. With soft sounds, I guided his emotions back to me until his breaths were regular and his heart no longer pounded. His cheeks were still shiny when I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. A few of my own tears had fallen and melded with his. It wasn't until I pulled away that he finally opened his eyes.
"Tell me, babe." Wet eyes stared at me as he shook his head. "What did they say?" I pressed.
"I won't—I-I won't-" He stuttered through shaky breaths.
"Babe," I murmured when his eyes closed again.
Taking a deep breath, he let it out and then without looking at me, finally told me what I'd feared hearing.
"I won't walk. Ever."
My own eyes closed at his words, words that changed our lives, our future, but not us. Edward was still perfect, he was still my boy and I was still his. Nothing would ever change how I felt about him, how much he was my world. Tears that matched his rolled down my cheeks.
"Edward," I said, waiting for his eyes to open. "It doesn't change us."
"You don't understand, but…he can," he mumbled.
"He?" I asked, confused.
"Riley," he answered in a whisper, "but then he…ruined it." He gasped before continuing, "Maybe you're better off without me. Maybe I should be with someone like me…like him."
It all made sense. The tears, the words…the pain.
Edward felt he was a burden on me, on my life and my future.
I gripped his hand, letting him feel the weight, and all that went with it, of the ring on my finger.
"What are you talking about? Did he hurt you? How did he ruin it?" I asked quietly.
Swallowing, his shiny, leaf-green eyes held mine as he said words that would forever change us. It wasn't that he would never walk, or that his dream had ended. The words he spoke were far worse.
"He kissed me."
The time came to a screeching halt right along with my heart. In the seconds it took Edward to say those words, my blood cooled and I broke out into a sweat. I felt nauseous and lightheaded.
"What?" I choked out around the lump in my throat.
"He kissed me," he mumbled.
What breath I had left escaped me in a rush, leaving shaky, shallow gasps in its place. I snapped my hands back from him as if he burned me. Standing upright, I felt weak as I rubbed my hands on my thighs. Of call the things I'd imagined that had happened, kissing someone else hadn't been one of them. Completely still, Edward looked up at me, shame and hurt marring his beautiful face. Pain, a knowing and expected one, flooded his eyes.
"I gotta go," I growled.
Unable to look at him anymore, I lowered my eyes to the floor and stepped around his chair. He was silent as I reached the door. The wedding band clinked on the door knob when I grabbed it.
"Did you make States?" he asked barely aloud.
I opened the door and left without answering. Two strides later and I was sprinting down the hall, passing Dr. Cullen in the kitchen as I raced for the front door, ignoring him as he called out after me. Swinging the door open, I burst through and jumped down the steps, landing on the pavement with a slap before running to the truck. Digging the keys out of my pocket, I got inside, started it and blindly backed out of the driveway.
The tires squealed as I floored the pedal. Cruising through the stop sign, I turned onto the next street and pushed the truck faster. My hands gripped the wheel as tears blurred my vision. I saw nothing but the dim headlights lighting the road before me. I wanted to scream and yell but the only sounds I made were broken sobs. The earlier images of Edward injured became images of him and Riley, smiling, laughing…kissing.
My stomach lurched and I slammed on the brakes, barely getting the truck into park before I was opening the door. Stumbling out of the cab, I collapsed onto the ground onto all fours. Bile spilled from my mouth as my body clenched and dry heaved non-existent contents. The air was still warm from the day's heat, but the pavement was cool and rough on my hands and knees. Only one car passed me, apparently not concerned by the guy throwing up on the side of the road. Gasping, I sat back on my calves and wiped the back of my hand across my mouth. Bracing a palm against the truck, I forced myself to stand and after a deep breath, got behind the wheel again.
Numb, I drove the rest of the way home, parking in the driveway and stumbling inside the house and up the stairs to my room. Kicking my door closed, I fell onto my bed. Rolling onto my side, I reached to turn out the light I'd left on earlier and my eyes fell on the silver ring on my hand.
The most unbearable pain I'd ever felt clutched me, tightening my heart like a vise before ripping it to shreds. Slipping the ring off, I heard it clatter to the floor before the tears began, immediately soaking my pillow. I didn't remember falling asleep, only the agony I felt in Edward's absence.
He wasn't all in.
"**~~**"
"Jasper!" the shrill voice cut through my sleep.
My eyes were sore and stuck shut. An achiness swept through my body, all of it settling it in my heart, which was heavy and empty at the same time.
"Aren't you going to school?" my mother asked from somewhere behind me.
I shook my head.
"Don't you have classes?"
I shook my head.
There was a motherly sigh, as if she wasn't sure I was telling the truth or not, but in the end, it didn't matter because I heard the door click closed. Refusing to let the pain envelope me again, I forced myself back to sleep.
"I, Edward, take you Jasper, to be my husband, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health…"
His lips were moving, I heard every word he was saying, but all I could think of was how fucking happy I was. He was marrying me. He was going to be my husband.
Married.
Edward and I married.
His hands held mine as he recited his vows, the sun gleamed off his bronze hair and his green eyes were the same shade as the grass surrounding us, only brighter. There was no containing either of our smiles as we grinned at each other while the promises of forever hung in the air between us.
"…forever."
Biting his lip, he looked down at my left hand, separating my ring finger as he slipped the silver band to where it would rest remain for the rest of my life. As soon as it was in place, his hand curled around my neck, fingers tucking themselves under my waves, and he pulled me to him, pressing his lips to mine and our first kiss as husband and husband. Our tongues met briefly, but I pulled away when my cock twitched, we had plenty of time for that. And there under the bright sun and surrounded by flowers, two boys in love were wed.
Resting my forehead to his, I exhaled a long breath and grinned at him.
"I now pronounce us-"
"-husband and husband," he finished with me.
"Forever…."
Forever entwined.
Forever all in.
Every muscle was stiff, I was cold and hot, sick, and needed to use the bathroom. Slowly, I rolled onto my back, groaning the soreness wafting through me. Barely opening my eyes, I forced myself off the bed and across the hall to the bathroom. After using the toilet, I went to the sink to brush my teeth to rid the horrible taste in my mouth. Returning to my room, I walked around my bed and stepped on something. I lifted my foot to find the wedding ring on the floor.
A new wave of grief hit me.
Picking up the ring, I grabbed its box off the nightstand and shoved the ring inside before tossing it under my bed. I climbed onto the bed and curled up on my side, my eyes squeezing shut in a weak effort to stop the tears. All this time he had thought it was me who was going to walk away, leave us, and it ended up being him who left me.
The sun shined on us, the cloudless sky a blue I'd never seen before. Edward lay next to me, sleeping peacefully with a smile on his face. I brushed the tufts of hair on his forehead so I could see him better and he trembled at the touch. We were both still naked from lovemaking, letting the sun warm us drowsily before we were ready for round two.
"What are you thinking?" he murmured sleepily.
"How sexy you are," I replied, more content than I ever had been.
"What else is new," he snorted.
I laughed and rolled onto my side, propping myself up on an elbow. On his back, he pried one eye open and squinted at me.
"I love you," he whispered.
"I love you too," I returned, reaching out I traced his lips, lips I wanted to feel sealed around my cock again.
"Want me to suck you?" he asked, reading my thoughts. Moaning a reply, I moved to straddle his face and groaned when he parted his rosy lips.
Round two could wait, we had all the time in the world.
The sound of a door closing woke me, my eyes opening enough to register it was still daylight before closing again. The pillow under me was wet and I lifted my head and flipped the pillow over, the cool material comforting on the heated skin of my cheek. The pain in my chest was real and hurt like a motherfucker, but I managed to close my eyes.
Night had set and we lay side by side on the blanket with only the stars and moon above us. We'd been camping in the meadow many times, no longer worried about creatures carrying us away in the middle of the night. Between us, our hands were clasped tightly, and even though he couldn't feel it, our legs were touching from hip to toes.
"That's Ophiuchus" I said, pointing to a constellation of stars.
"How do you know?" he scoffed, doubting me.
"I was in astronomy club in Texas," I admitted shyly.
He laughed and turned his head. "Seriously?"
"I thought it would be a good way to meet guys," I shrugged.
"Was it?" he asked with curiosity.
"If you like geeks," I chuckled.
"Love?"
"Yeah?"
"You are a geek," he teased, laughing harder.
"Fuck off." Grinning, I playfully shoved his shoulder and more happiness bubbled out of him.
The next time I woke, it was to the sound of his ringtone. Squeezing my eyes shut, I blindly reached out and tapped my phone until the sound stopped. I couldn't face talking to him yet, I couldn't hear his voice. Everything was still too raw.
Before I could even register it was happening, I was leaning over the side of the bed, my stomach forcing up nothing but clear fluid that burned my throat. Groaning, I eased myself back onto the bed, my tee shirt twisting uncomfortably around me. Burying my face into my pillow, I ignored everything and willed myself back to sleep.
Everything was dusty. The walls, the used furniture, the table and counters, but it was home.
Our home.
We stood in the doorway of the rundown apartment, both of us tentatively leaning inside as if someone, or something, might jump out at us.
"Is it safe?" Edward asked with a cocky smile.
"Totally," I lied.
When he went to roll forward, I put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me. "What?"
Grinning mischievously, I bent over and scooped him up in my arms. Just like always, he fell against me with his arms around my neck.
"What are you doing?"
"It's tradition for the husband to carry the wife over the threshold," I replied, taking a step forward and entering our first apartment.
"Then maybe you should have sat on my lap," he joked.
Inside our place, we looked around at the worn walls and floors. "I hope my mom packed us a lot of Mr. Clean," he sighed.
"No shit," I laughed. "Couch or bed?"
He turned to me, his eyes sparkling. "Let's break in the couch first."
I spun us toward the couch and we saw the sunken cushions and threadbare back.
"Bed," we both said simultaneously.
I walked us into the bedroom, relieved to find the bed in much better shape. Still covered in plastic, a new box spring and mattress were on the frame. Leaving him on the bed briefly, I ran and grabbed his wheelchair from the hallway and closed and locked our door. Returning to him, I watched him undress while I stripped off my own clothes.
"Did you pack the lube?" he groaned when I crawled to him on the bed.
I nodded and lowered myself to kiss him, our mouths meeting for the first time of many nights spent in that room.
The ache of the happy dream was still fresh in my heart when my eyes blinked open. I didn't want to face the day, or night, and rolled onto my stomach again. With no idea what time it was, I took a few shaky breaths to keep the nausea away and then fell back asleep.
"Can you believe we're here? In our own place?" I asked him as I nuzzled my face into his the warm crook of his neck. His bare body, still sweaty from sex, was stretched out next to me.
"No," he sighed, "but it's fucking awesome."
"Mmm, we don't have to worry about being caught anymore, we can fuck anywhere."
He moaned and pulled me closer. "Anytime, anyplace."
"Perfect."
"When is your first class tomorrow?" he yawned.
"Ten. Yours?"
"Eleven. Meet for lunch?"
"Yep. I need to hit the bookstore too," I said, imitating his yawn. "Sleepy."
"Me too."
Then embraced in each other's arms, we fell asleep.
His ringtone woke me again and I was tempted to throw my phone against the wall, but instead I fumbled with it until the sound stopped, then turned it off completely. The clenching of my heart had tightened again at the sound. He was either calling to apologize or break up with me, neither of which I wanted, or could, face.
I couldn't live without him in my life. He was my life.
But maybe that was selfish of me, maybe it wasn't about me at all, maybe it was about him.
The tears found the edges of my eyes and spilled over easily as I turned away. For the first time, closing my eyes wasn't haunted by dreams of a happy future that might no longer happen, but complete silence and emptiness and darkness.
The next time I woke it was to gentle shaking and a quiet, clinical, but soothing voice. "Are you okay?"
Slowly, I blinked until my eyes opened enough to see the blurry vision of my mother sitting on the edge of my bed.
"Are you okay?" she repeated, her hand brushing my dirty hair off my face. Some of the strands were stuck to the dried tears on my skin.
"Yeah," I whispered hoarsely. "What time is it?"
"Eleven. You've been sleeping all day. I've checked on you a few times, you don't seem to be running a fever." Even as she said it, she pressed the back of her hand to my forehead. "Are you sick?"
Yes.
But not in the way she was asking. Regardless, telling her I was ill would buy me the time I desperately needed.
"Yeah, thrown up a few times," I answered weakly. It wasn't a total lie, I had thrown up, just not because of the flu.
"What did you miss today?"
"Just rehearsals, not a big deal. Wasn't even a whole day."
"And tomorrow?"
"Same."
She took her hand from my forehead and moved it to my wrist, where she pushed my leather bracelet up and pressed her first two fingers to my pulse. Staring her watch, she counted the beats and released me.
"Will I live?"
Giving me the motherly version of 'don't fuck with me' look, she sighed. "Have you eaten?"
I shook my head.
"Fluids?"
I shook it again.
Standing, she left the room only to return a few minutes later with a glass of ginger ale. I swear none of us ever drank it unless we were sick, but yet it was always in the fridge.
"Drink small sips, if you keep it down over night, try some toast in the morning," she instructed me. "I'll call school and let them know you won't be there."
"Thanks," I mumbled, bringing the glass to my lips. I expected her to leave, but she stared at me, at my pale face and puffy eyes.
"You going to be okay?" she asked.
"Just the flu," I reminded her, keeping up the guise of being sick.
By the way she tilted her head, I wasn't sure she believed me but she didn't argue. Instead, she stood and turned off my light.
"Get some rest, call if you need me," she offered before shutting my door behind her.
Relieved I didn't have to face anyone the next day, I turned onto my side and folded and arm under my head. I didn't have the strength to talk, much less go to school and pretend to be okay. Exhausted, my eyes closed and I yawned. My body felt lifeless and still, and alone. I fell asleep once again.
My arm was slung over his middle while my head lay on his chest, my ear over his heart as it beat steady beneath me. I couldn't help but smile, knowing it was beating for me. Our apartment was small and old, but it was ours and wheelchair accessible from the previous tenant. Edward was able to cook and clean and shower without any assistance from me. Our lives were far from perfect, classes were intense and exhausting, and Edward faced some mobility issues with some buildings, but at the end of each day we were together. Some nights we would cook and dance to music in the kitchen while others were just found ourselves in bed wrapped around each other, soothing the day away with touches and sighs.
In his sleep, his fingers danced lightly up my bare back and I shivered, my eyes fluttering open at the touch. It was still dark out, probably a few hours before our alarm was due to go off. It was my favorite time of day with him. The rest of the world was quiet, it was just him and me alone with no other sound except the rhythm of his heart in my ear. When his hand reached my hair, he tangled it in the ends and he murmured something. My eyes closed again, my body still sated from our lovemaking only hours before. Physically, he set my body on fire, emotionally he lifted me to places I didn't know existed.
"I love you," I mumbled as my body sank further into his.
His fingers tightened in my hair.
"**~~**"
The porcelain felt cold against my clammy skin as my stomach lurched once more and bile spewed from me and splashed into the toilet. On my knees, I had both arms wrapped around the bowl until there was nothing left to throw up but my stomach itself. Dragging the back of my hand across my mouth, I sat back and leaned against the tub, my chest heaving as I tried to catch my breath. For the first time in days, my face was dry, but the effects of my misery was still evident. I hadn't dared look at a mirror yet, but I knew I would find puffy, bloodshot eyes, sallow skin, stained cheeks, dry lips and my hair formed in greasy clumps.
I wanted to drink something. I wanted to brush my teeth. I wanted to shower. I wanted to sleep.
I wanted Edward.
Hanging my head, I kept my eyes closed and focused on breathing rather than his face. Before I could hear his voice in my head, I sighed and slowly forced my aching body upright, swaying only slightly as I stumbled to the sink and reached for my toothbrush. At least I could do one of the things I wanted.
Once I was done, I decided maybe a shower would make me feel slightly more human. Still dressed in the clothes from two days before, I managed to wrangle out of the shorts and dirty tee shirt. Absently, I took off my underwear and turned on the shower, stepping under the scalding spray of water and letting it soak my hair and stream down my back and shoulders. I had hoped the sound and feel of the water would wash away the images of Edward that plagued me. They both comforted and tormented me, each one growing blurrier than the one before it. The vibrant, detailed ones were saved for my dreams, but the hazy ones were no less painful, they were just as much soaked in his essence as everything else I did.
When I turned and let the water run over my face, it didn't matter if I cried, the tears were washed away. It was routine to shampoo my hair, to rinse it out before lathering up my body. I felt nothing as my hands followed the habitual motions, finally turning off the water and grabbing a towel from the rack. The terrycloth absorbed the droplets of water as I roughly rubbed it over me, leaving my skin red. Knotting it around my hip, I returned to my room, closing my door before collapsing onto the bed. The simple act of showering had exhausted me. Folding my arms up, I laid my head on them and closed my eyes, promising myself it was only for a few minutes until I had enough energy to get dressed.
My last reasonably coherent thought was wondering how the fuck I'd ever run thirteen miles.
"**~~**"
I found myself in the kitchen dressed in a pair of nylon shorts and holding a glass of ginger ale with no fucking idea how I'd gotten there. It was daylight outside, but I had no idea what time, or day, it actually was. With the exception of the hum of the refrigerator, the house was silent and I assumed my parents were both at work. Even though I tried to avoid it, when I turned to put my glass in the sink, my eyes drifted to the clock on the stove.
My heart sank.
For the first time in two years, I'd gone almost two days without talking to Edward. Even when we had vacationed thousands of miles apart with our families, we had talked for several hours each day.
Now the thought of his voice brought me nothing but pain.
Leaning against the counter, I ran my hands over my face and sighed. I was going to have to face him eventually. I was pretty sure my parents weren't going to let me get out of attending graduation. I knew if I turned my phone back on I would find messages from him, and perhaps from others wondering why the hell I wasn't at graduation rehearsals. What the fuck did it matter anyway, wasn't like I needed to rehearse how to walk and line up.
Air rushed my lungs, squeezed by the same vice that permanently gripped my heart. The walls closed in around me, the air was thick and heavy and suffocating. I sucked in shallow breaths, unable to take anything more, I became dizzy and reached out for the counter to keep my balance.
I needed to get out.
Dropping the glass in the sink, I staggered to the door, using my last bit of strength to yank it open. I stepped into the rain, the heavy drops coating me immediately. Finally able to take in a deep breath, I closed my eyes as my chest expanded with air. Before I realized what I was doing, I had broken into a run, my strides carrying me across the yard and into the street. The rain beat down on me, around me, as my feet landed in puddles, splashing water onto my calves and soaking my sneakers. My tee shirt was already clinging to me, my shorts sticking to my thighs more with each stride.
I didn't have headphones in, but I didn't need to in order to hear the soundtrack of my life with Edward playing in my head. The lyrics screamed, the notes of a piano much louder than I remembered. The damp air burned my lungs with each stinging breath, but the feeling of suffocating had eased. Tears mixed with droplets of rain as I increased the pace.
It didn't hurt enough.
I didn't hurt enough.
I needed the pain, I needed numbness.
Muscles that were already overworked and exhausted and cramped began to ache further. It only made me run faster. I was in a full sprint by the time I reached the end of my road. Habitually my body took over and my mind thought of nothing else but him and the agony coursing through me. Rain drenched me to my bones by the time I found myself on his street. Slowing, I panted for breath, not even glancing around me as I wondered how I had made it the three miles to his house without passing out. For the past few days I'd barely been able to move much less run.
The bark was rough against my hand as I braced against it to keep myself from falling over. Gasping, I didn't even bother to move my wet hair from my eyes as I stared at his house for any signs of life but found none. I was just about to turn around when a flash of his mother's car caught my eye. I watched as she pulled into the driveway. I didn't have to see him to know he was with her. She got his chair out of the trunk and his door opened.
I watched as he struggled to his chair.
Maybe he was right.
Maybe we weren't right.
The tears fell harder as Edward closed the door to the car and pushed toward the ramp, his hands barely moved, his head hung low. There was no emotion on his face, it was frozen in a neutral position. Hard stone, cracked from attempts to break through their impenetrable protection, surrounded him. His heart was safely locked behind the fortress, not even a drawbridge allowing visitors across the long dried up moat of emotions. Only unlike a real fortress, this one hadn't taken years to construct.
It had only taken one night.
One horrific, terrifying night that had left his eyes empty of light, hands empty of mine, legs empty of energy and life.
Watching from a distance, I desperately tried to recognize this new boy behind the walls, wondering if he still had my heart.
Edward reached for his front door, but stilled. His head turned in my direction, his eyes narrowing as they scanned the area. Ducking behind the tree, I placed my forehead against it and closed my eyes. Time stopped but the rain continued to fall.
"Fuck," I muttered before opening my eyes and lifting my head.
Without looking at Edward's house again, I turned and broke into the same sprint that had carried me there.
"**~~**"
"Go away," I groaned at the persistent knocking on my door.
My head pounded with each knock but attempting to burrow further into my pillows was of no use, the sound continued.
"It's my motherly duty to check on you at least once a day," she sighed heavily from behind the door. Before I could answer, the knob was turning and the bed dipped as she sat on the edge of it. Immediately her hand was on my wrist.
"I'm alive," I growled, yanking it away.
"Barely, by the looks of it."
I didn't have to open my eyes to know she was looking me over head to toe, taking in the unwashed hair, dirty clothes, and pungent body odor.
"What's going on, Jasper?"
Prying one eye open, I glared at her, trying to read just how little I could get away with telling her before she would go and leave me alone.
"You're not running a fever, but you've done nothing but sleep," she said in her nurse voice.
Rolling onto my side, I opened my other eye and attempted to put on a 'nothing is wrong' face. I failed miserably. "Nothing," I said to back up my attempt. "Just don't feel well. Stomach bug."
Her raised eyebrow told me she didn't believe me for one second. "Why has Edward been calling the house phone and not your cell?"
Fuck.
My eyes involuntarily closed at the sound of his name, but I snapped them open and answered quickly. "My cell kept waking me up so I turned it off. I forgot to text him and let him know."
"Forgot to text him?" she scoffed. She knew damn well I'd never forgotten anything to do with Edward since the day we'd met. Reaching to me, she brushed my greasy hair off my face and gave me a motherly sympathetic look. "Just call him."
I nodded and she checked my forehead for signs of a fever one last time before standing and walking around my bed.
"Call him," she repeated as she left the room and closed the door.
Sighing, my eyes fell on my cell phone on the nightstand. I couldn't call him, I couldn't talk to him yet, but I found myself picking up the phone and turning it on.
There was over twenty voice mails and about double that amount in text messages. Unable to read or hear any of them, I was about to turn it off again when "Let It Be" played and Edward's picture appeared on the screen. My heart halted, caught somewhere in my throat, cutting off air no matter how many times I tried to swallow around it.
I missed him so fucking much.
My blood warmed, my pulse calmed, and my heart swelled with love and anguish at the same time. I wanted to answer, I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and missed him.
I wanted to understand.
I wanted to forgive.
Pressing the green button, my eyes drifted closed as I put the phone to my ear. It only took his breaths to send my pulse racing again.
"Jasper?" he choked out in a broken voice raw with emotion that matched my own.
I love you.
The tears that had stopped began once again, streaming down my face in their silent vow of love for my boy. A single flicker of anger ignited into a flame fed by the images of his lips meeting Riley's again and again. I felt cheated, shredded by one action, one moment of thoughtlessness.
The one thing I'd never thought would have separated us, already had.
Right then, it didn't make sense. Edward and I were supposed to be together forever, I had never even considered any other option. All I knew was how much I'd given, how much I'd tried to show him how much I loved him. I would have done anything to give him the world. How did he not know that? I don't know how much time passed, but I finally found the strength to reply.
"I sacrificed everything for you," I spat venomously.
"I never asked you to," he sighed.
He was right. Not once had Edward asked me to not go to my college or run thirteen miles or miss the qualifying meet. In fact, he had told me the opposite.
"No," I whispered softly in agreement, "you didn't. I did it…I did it all because I love you."
Before he could reply, I pulled the phone way from my ear, hit disconnect and turned it off. After putting it on the nightstand, I rolled away from it, away from the temptation of calling him just to hear his voice again. Burying my face in my folded arms, I let the tears soak my skin and wondered if the shattered pieces of my heart would ever find their way back together again.
"**~~**"
The colors that should have been bright, blinding even, were dull, muted beyond all recognition. Flowers that should have been full of life from the early summer weather seemed wilted and forgotten. The sun that should have been shining above me on what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life was shielded by thick grey clouds.
After waking up, I had habitually gone through the motions of showering and brushing my teeth before I found myself driving the truck. I barely remember telling my mother I'd see her later. The second I'd walked out of the house, I knew where I was going.
Sitting amidst the tall grass, I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Fingers fumbled with the leather bracelet around on my wrist, assuring me my time with him hadn't been a dream. For a second, I considered taking it off, maybe tossing it into the tall grass like ashes into the wind, but I couldn't. I had promised him I would never take it off, and no matter what had happened, how painful a reminder it was, the bracelet would forever stay where it was. My cheeks were dry, but I knew it was only a matter of time before the tears fell again. Although I hoped to at least make it through graduation.
Graduation.
The day had finally arrived. Four years of high school was completed, my tests were done, final grades given, our caps and gowns ready to be worn as we all walked onto the stage to receive our diplomas.
Well, all but one of us would walk.
The clenching in my heart that had been constant since the night I had left his house tightened its hold and my breath shortened. It was a feeling I was becoming accustomed to, much how some grow used to knowing when they might have an asthma attack or when their arthritis acts up. I hated it, I hated every second I had spent apart from him, but the thought of seeing him hurt even more. I wasn't ready to look into his eyes, to see what I knew was true.
We were over.
Parted me wanted to fight for Edward, and tell Riley to fuck off. But there was another part of me that had once again been woken. While Edward had his doubts about our future, about his being a burden on my life, I'd had my own fears as well. Fears I wasn't enough, that I could never truly understand his new life and everything that went with it. There would always be anger in Edward, a resentment I could never fully comprehend. I had been angry with people and situations, I knew frustration, but nothing could compare to the strength of Edward's. His entire life had been turned upside down, torn apart at the seams and put back together in all the wrong ways. Like a puzzle with missing pieces never to be found.
While I could relate to the change in our lives, I couldn't relate to what had been ripped from his grasp, all things he would never feel or do again. Walking was only the beginning. No more standing on his own, getting around without a chair, feeling his hips thrust in arousal, feeling cum shooting from his cock, feeling the sun burn his skin or the cold water chilling it. Simple everyday things were no longer simple to him, everything took longer and more effort and planning.
No, the only ones that could truly understand how Edward felt were those like him.
Like Riley.
It had been a thought I'd had a million times since meeting him and hearing his story so similar to Edward's. Riley could understand Edward even better than any of his other teammates. They shared a bond I could never be a part of, and who was I to come between that? I had no right to. From the first time I'd seen Edward, I'd vowed to never hold him back, not in basketball or him going UW, this was no different.
Edward felt the same way…
Dropping my forehead to my knees, the tears I had staved off began and soaked into my khakis, leaving dark circles in their wake. He was behind me, his head resting on my shoulder, the warmth of his skin seeping through my button down shirt to alight my skin on fire. His arms wound around me, taking my hands into his, I could feel his hair tickling my neck as his lips moved against my ear.
"Yes."
His whispered answer to my question would forever echo in my mind.
It hadn't been long since I'd asked my boy to marry me in that very spot. Taking a deep breath, I lifted my head from my knees and shrugged my shoulders, monetarily ridding his constant memory from my body. Asking him to marry me at seventeen had been stupid, immature at best. Still, regardless of the fact we'd been foolish, I'd never doubted Edward's love for me, or that he had meant yes when he had said it. I'd seen it in his eyes. During our time together, they had told me everything about him, and while the light in them had been missing since the night of the accident, his emotions in them had returned. Looking around at the trees and grass, I saw every shade of green existing, all shades I had seen in Edward's eyes at one time or another. I'd seen love, happiness, regret, anger, excitement, and pain.
Pain.
"Riley, but then he…ruined it. Maybe you're better off without me. Maybe I should be with someone like me…like him."
Lashes wet from tears clumped together as he blinked away drops of water cresting on the rims of his eyes. There were roadmaps of tiny red lines in the whites, and his green irises were filled with agony instead of life.
It'd been there in his eyes the entire time. He could have easily not told me what had happened, he could have lied and said he was hurt or that Riley had been an ass, but Edward had told me the truth because he knew it would hurt.
He knew it would drive me away.
Gasping, I closed my eyes and let the revelation sober me. Edward wanted out of our relationship, he wanted to feel normal and whole and familiar, all things he could feel with Riley but not with me. But did I love Edward enough to let him go, to willingly stand by and let him split us apart? Was I strong enough to even consider giving him what he wanted?
Images flicked through my mind at a blinding pace, like a life flashing before you in an instant. I saw glances between two friends, curious hands fumbling over the planes of each other's bodies, lips endlessly exploring, hearts joining together while souls settled in for a lifetime. There was music and dancing, flowers and picnics, beds and kissing, whispers and promises of lifelong love. Edward and I were what people dreamed about having.
But we were no more.
Edward had been my first kiss, and my last, I didn't want to experience anyone else because no one else would compare to him and the way he make me feel. Letting my boy go was going to be the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but if it gave him the future he deserved, that he wanted, I would do it.
I would do anything for him.
Including this.
Sitting there in our meadow, surrounded by his presence in the vivid memories, I said goodbye to my boy… and our future.
"**~~**"
Thank you for reading~
Thank you to C for everything.
Some of you might not have expected Jasper to react this way, but remember all he's done for six months, how physically and mentally exhausted he must be. One more chapter, then the epilogue.
I am happy to announce that my original fiction story called Chase the Storm is now available for preorder through DreamSpinner Press on both ebook and paperback. wwwDOTdreamspinnerpressDOTcom/store/indexDOTphp?cP ath=55_860
I also have a new blog, it will contain updates of not only the book, but fanfiction as well, teasers, ramblings, etc. vmwaittDOTblogspotDOTcom/, and yes, there are more m&a outtakes to come.