The faint noise of the steady rise and fall of Spencer's breathing was one of Evie's favorite things to listen to. As of now, he was laying in bed next to her, turned on his stomach with his face buried into his pillow. One arm was rested on the pill under the bed, and the other was sprawled out far in the other direction, hanging off the edge of the bed. Evie smiled at the sight of him, looking over the top of the book she was reading. He had fallen asleep pretty quickly that night, but it was almost a relief to Evs. As long as he was getting sleep, she was happy.
Evie rubbed her thumb lightly across Spencer's forehead. He moaned and shifted his sleep, stretching out the arm on his pillow, his hand brushing against her side. He didn't move anymore than that and just rested next to her, continuing inhaling and exhaling in a soft rhythm. Evelyn sighed happily while watching him, eventually turning her attention back to her book.
She read for a while, feeling her eyes starting to grow heavy. She yawned and arched her back to stretch, deciding to finish up the chapter and then head off to bed. When she rubbed her eyes to try and rid of fatigue and began reading again, Spencer stirred beside her. She turned her eyes from the words on the page to see him bury his face into his pillow further. Evie tilted her head and watched him, watching to see if he'd wake. He didn't, and instead just resumed his heavy breathing.
Turning back to her book, Evie heard him stir again. She glanced over to see his eyebrows pulled together in his sleep, his face looking pained. His hand was tightly gripping the material of the pillow and his breathing was beginning to change from slow and melodic to fast and panicked.
"Spence, baby..." she whispered, reaching over to run her fingers through his hair. He jumped at her touch, beginning to breathe even faster. Evie frowned and retracted her hand, putting her book down on the bed next her, not bothering to save her place.
"Spencer." she tried again, louder this time. She turned on her side to reach forward hesitantly, wondering if she should risk touching his shoulder. He gently moaning now, his legs and arms beginning to thrash around him. Evie looked at him with frantic eyes, touching his shoulder anyway. He jumped away, but she continued to try and shake him awake from the nightmare that was plaguing him.
"Spencer!" she said loudly, leaning over him and shaking his shoulder. His eyes finally snapped open and he jerked away from her on the other side of the bed. His face was terrified, making Evie's chest tighten. His eyes darted around the room, looking for who knows what. His chest rose and fell heavily, and even from where Evie sat untouched by him, she could tell he was shaking.
"Spence?" she whispered lightly, reaching forward and putting a tentative hand on his knee. Spencer pulled away and cast his eyes downwards.
"What, I'm fine." he immediately said, obviously trying to act like nothing had happened. Evie sighed in disappointment, realizing they were going to go through the same routine again. He'd insist nothing was wrong, she'd try to suggest they look into treating him for PTSD and then he'd snap at her and she'd just let it go. Evie thought this was over.
"No. You're not." Evie said, getting up off the bed to walk around the side of the bed to where he was pushing himself up to sit on the edge. He avoided eye contact with her and played with his hands in his lap uncomfortably.
"Yeah. I am."
"No. You're not."
"You don't know what I feel, Evie." he said, a angry tone creeping up in voice. Evie sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, trying to keep her voice calm.
"You're right, I don't! You never tell me!" she said, looking at him glance up and meet her worried eyes. Spencer returned to looking down at his hands.
"There's nothing to tell." he mumbled bitterly. She didn't know why he was so persistent in shutting everyone out.
"You were just flipping out a moment ago."
"No I wasn't."
"Spencer, I'm pretty sure I was there!" she said, borderline shouting in frustration now. Spencer tensed and even with the way he was looking down, she could see his expression harden. Evie took a deep breath, not wanting to start a fight. She calmed herself down and tried again in a calmer voice. "Why don't you talk to me?"
"What do you think I'm doing right now!" Spencer said, his voice rising. He looked up at her, his soft eyes not looking so soft anymore. "And might I say, it's a pretty pointless conversation." he added, pushing himself off the bed quickly and stalking off to their bathroom. Evie watched him go, wondering how on Earth he could be transformed so quickly. Less than an hour ago, he was cuddling up to her on the bed like a cat, and now he wanted nothing to do with her. Evie tried not to over think things, but she couldn't help thinking: Is this what will split us apart?
Brushing the idea away, she followed him to stand in the open threshold of the bathroom. Spencer had the faucet on and was splashing his face with cold water. If he was okay then why did he look so flustered?
"Spence..."
"No! Don't Spence me." he snapped after he pressed a towel to his face and shut off the water. Evie was taken aback from his remark. He'd never talked to her like that. "I'm not a baby." he muttered agrily, throwing the towel aside and walking past Evie, out the bathroom.
"I know you're-"
"No, no you don't. Not you, not JJ, not Morgan, not Garcia..." he went on, walking across the room and stopping at the foot of their bed. Evie just watched him in confusion from the same spot.
"All you ever do is baby me. I don't need you in my business and I don't need your help." he said, looking up to meet Evie's eyes. She looked back, a pang of hurt coarsing through her for a moment before she felt it being replaced by anger. It was her business too. He's not okay, and everyone can see that.
"Spencer, we just want to help. Everyone knows there's something wrong..."
"Well there isn't!" Spencer full on shouted at her, interrupted Evie in mid sentence. She looked at him with surprise drawn across her face. He looked back, his body tense and his gaze unwavering. She'd never seen him like this before.
"Fine! Keep pretending, Spencer. That's all you do, is shut people out!"
"And you know this from the mere four months I've known you?" he retorted bitterly. For some reason this really hit her. Mostly because the way he said it sounded like she was just some girl he's known for four months that wasn't special and didn't know him. He acted as if they didn't love spending every waking moment together and that they didn't come to know each other more than anyone else had ever known them in their entire lives. She tried to keep the pain swelling in her chest down, looking back at him with the same hard expression.
"Whatever." he muttered before she could say anything. Evie didn't know what to say or do. This had definitely taken a turn for the worst. She never thought it'd turn out like this. She especially wasn't expecting Spencer to walk to his side of the bed and snatch up his pillow angrily. He carried it under one arm and walked over to their closet, swinging the door open in one swift motion.
Evie watched him, a lump growing in her throat. She couldn't let it show, though. She was fed up. She was here for him so many times and gave him so many chances to come to her and he shot her down and made her feel awful every time. Why was she so hurt? It wasn't her fault.
Spencer pulled a blanket down from the top shelf and slung it over his shoulder, not looking over even once. He paused for a second, looking down at the floor, and then made his way towards the bedroom door, most likely to go sleep on the couch in the living room.
"Fine. Run away, Spencer. Tell me when you're ready to grow up." she said, making him stop. He froze, still facing the threshold of the door. She could see his muscles tense in anger at her comment.
Good... she thought. Somewhere deep down she wanted to run to him and hold him and tell him that she'd be there for him no matter what. She pushed that part of her deep down though, and let anger consume her instead. After Reid continued to move out the door, she took long strides forward and slammed the door shut behind him. She went back to the side of the bed and let herself fall on top, staying on her side of the bed as if he was still there.
Evie bit her lip and sunk her head into her pillow, straightening in bed and pulling the covers over her body. She looked up at the ceiling, wondering how everything had gone sour so quickly. The torture he had to go through had changed him in a way... she knew it was nothing permanent. He was just healing, but not doing it in the right way. For a while she couldn't blame him. She had no idea what it was like to go through what he had gone through but she'd went through trauma too. She had nightmares too. Sometimes she still heard his screams in her head, but when she did she'd let him in and let him help. Everyone always told her Spencer always blocked people out. She always thought they were exaggerating until tonight.
Sighing, Evie turned on her side and turned off the bedside lamp on her nightstand. The room was bathed in darkness and suddenly the feeling of being utterly alone hit her. There was no extra weight sinking into the mattress beside her, no arm around her waist, no breath upon her neck. The feeling left her feeling more empty that she'd expected. Evie took a deep breath and rolled her eyes at herself. Who needs him anyway?
The next morning, Evie had woken up pretty early. She had waken multiple times over the night and had such a hard time falling back to sleep. It was inexplicably hard to fall asleep without him there. Every time she'd wake up, she expected Spencer to be right next to her. Every time she found herself disappointed however.
She had gotten ready for work before even leaving the room. The door was still closed from when she'd slammed it shut the other night. Evie tried not to think about it. Maybe he was thinking more clearly now. They never had gone to bed still fighting. They'd always said they'd work it out before anyone went to sleep. She didn't know if sleep would help anything or not.
Once she was read, she timidly opened the door. She cringed as it squeaked, easing it open to reveal the living room. She saw the curled up silhouette of Spencer on the couch, his back rising and falling in time with his breathing. She was still mad, but Evie couldn't help but sigh at how cute he was when he slept like that.
Evelyn tip toed out into the living room, squinting to make out the features of his face in the dark. She wanted to reach out and stroke the hair from his forehead out of habit, but she stopped herself.
No. I'm still mad. She tried to convince herself. Well... Only if he is mad.
Before Evie could even think of what approach she wanted to take, Spence stirred in his sleep. Evie jumped, not expecting him to move on the couch below where she stood over the arm. His face twisted in the same pained expression that she was unfortunately so very familiar with. Evie bit her lip as he twisted himself up in his blanket. God only knew what kind of terrible things he saw when he closed his eyes. Why was it so hard for him just to accept it and let her help him?
"Spence..." she whispered, hesitantly reaching an arm forward to touch his shoulder. He jerked away from her touch, his eyes instantly snapping open to meet hers. The same terrified expression that he woke up to more morning that not was etched across his face. Evie's must've looked almost similar. She was terrified just by seeing him like this.
Like always, as soon as his expression appeared, it disappeared. Instead, his horrified features changed completely, leaving defensiveness and anger in its place. Evie could feel the weight of her heart drop.
"Leave me alone..." he muttered so quietly that Evie wasn't sure that she'd heard him right. Spencer tore his gaze from hers, collecting the blanket in a bunch in his hands. He occupied himself with gathering up his things off the couch while Evie just stood there frozen, trying not to let the lump in her throat creep up on her.
Spencer got up and started making his way towards their bedroom to get ready. When he glanced at her, there was a flash of guilt there. She could see it. While watching his back as he walked through the threshold into their room, she felt anger bubbling inside her again.
"Spencer!" she yelled before thinking. She stormed into the room after him to see his face turn with a surprised look on it. She cross her arms over her chest, fuming. She'd had it up to here with the way he was treating her. She knew he was going through a rough time, but she was only trying to help and he was treating her like shit.
"I'm not going to take this anymore. Will you please just talk to me like a normal person?"
"A normal person?" he asked, accusingly. Evie sighed and closed her eyes.
"Spencer, that's not what I meant. I just mean that you're being-"
"Being what Evie? Being a little bit off because I was almost tortured to death a couple of months ago? You don't know how I feel." he repeated the same point he was trying to make last night. Now Evie felt like they were running in circles.
"Then tell me! We're supposed to confide in each other about everything! How are you supposed to get better holding it all in?"
"I'm perfectly capable of-"
"No one can do everything alone Spencer. That's part of my job. To be there for you."
"So now being with me is a job?"
"Spencer! You're being so unreasonable! You know that's not what I meant!"
"Well, congratulations. You don't have to suffer through that part of your job anymore. There's no book that says you have to meddle in my business."
"Not everything has to be in a book, Spence."
"I'm trying to get ready. We're going to be late." he muttered, putting a halt on their argument. Evie huffed and stormed out the door.
Work wasn't much better. Evie had hoped that being around their friends would bring them together, but that wasn't the case at all. Their desks being right across from each other wasn't helping either. Garcia had come over to talk to them, completely unaware that they had been squabbling all night.
"It's my two favorite sweeties! Hey, so I was thinking we all go see a movie this weekend since it's been a while since we've gone. There's a horror movie about this kid who keeps having night terrors and-"
"Sounds familiar." Evie muttered under her breath.
"Oh, does it have a meddling girlfriend who over complicates everything? Because that would be familiar!" Spencer sassily retorted, raising his eyebrows while looking down at the papers on his desk. Evie kept her furious eyes down as well, avoiding eye contact with Spencer. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Garcia look between them with a gaze of confusion. She felt bad for freaking her out so suddenly, but her anger at Spencer was blinding her from any other thoughts.
"Um... Okay. Well this will probably be good for you guys if we go..." she began to say hesitantly, like she was afraid what would happen.
"Do you know what else is good for you?" Evie began saying, a sarcastic tone in her voice. This time she looked straight at Spencer, pressing her lips in a tight line.
"Oh no..." Garcia mumbled.
"Letting people in and not holding everything in and shutting people out." she said, tilting her head to give him a cocky-angry face. Spencer froze and raised his eyes to meet her. If it was possible to have fire in his eyes, Evie would've seen it right there. His jaw clenched and he just stared back at her, infuriated.
"...Ohhhhhh kayyyyyyy..." Garcia said, trying to lighten the mood. "Hey, Evie? Will you help me fix the coffee machine? Damn thing is acting up again..." she said, turning Evie's hard gaze up to her. Upon seeing Garcia's bubbly appearance, Evie's eyes softened. She was giving her the hinting eye, telling her the coffee machine wasn't broken at all. This was definitely to talk about what was going on between them.
"Fine, go talk behind my back more. Heaven knows you're great at that." Spencer muttered so only Evie could hear.
"Save it. Don't worry, I won't hurry back." she murmured back, standing up angrily and storming past Garcia and up the stairs of the bullpen, wanting to get away from Spencer's nasty demeanor as quickly as she could. She heard Garcia's heels frantically clicking behind her, hurrying to catch up.
The whole way to the kitchenette, her mind was racing. How could he act like this? She didn't do anything wrong! She'd hit the wrong nerve the other night. Evie wasn't sure what else to do, though. She couldn't keep letting him go on like he was. He was suffering, and Evie was suffering just watching him.
"What on Earth is going on?" Garcia asked as soon as they entered the kitchenette. Evie cringed, seeing that Hotch was standing right there over the coffee machine, filling up his cup. He glanced back through eyebrows pulled together.
"Something I should know about?" he asked, turning back to top off his mug. Garcia's mouth formed into a surprised 'O', realizing that she'd just blurted it out without knowing Hotch was right there.
"I... Uh, just girl stuff, Sir." Garcia stuttered. Evie couldn't help but smile slightly. Pen was never too good at covering up stuff.
"Uh-huh. In that case..." Hotch said, taking his mug and nodding them both a goodbye before leaving them alone. Garcia watched him go before turning back to Evie, her blonde hair falling across her shoulders as she tilted her head and looked at Evie sympathetically.
"What's going on?" she asked again. Evie took a deep breath and let everything sink in. Suddenly, she had the intense urge to burst into tears. Her throat was tightening and her heart was beating fast. Garcia must've sensed it, because she stepped forward and wrapped Evie in her arms.
"Hey, hey... it'll be okay." she said. Evie wrapped her arms around her as well, taking a deep breath and smelling the strong smell of Garcia's sweet perfume. She took one more deep breath before pulling back and telling her everything.
"Spence..." Reid heard JJ's voice from behind him. He was standing in the round table room, quickly skimming through files to try to find the right ones that Hotch said another section of the Bureau needed. It was almost time to go home at this point, and the entire day was tense. It was filled with subtle smart ass comments and glares. Honestly, he didn't know how things had gotten this way so quickly. Before he knew it, they were screaming at each other the other night. Spencer felt pangs of guilt when he'd see her hurt sometimes, but something within him was fueling such an intense anger. He wasn't shutting people out, he just didn't need help. Reid was sick of being treated like a baby. Why couldn't she accept that?
"Hmm..." he muttered, not looking up. He felt JJ's presence arrive beside him, a flash of blonde hair visual out of the corner of his eye.
"What happened with you and Evie?" she asked. It was soothingly, not accusingly. He never expected anything less from JJ. Somehow, he found himself wishing it was Evie.
"I- uh... Last night she was trying to force answers out of me. I kind of need to figure some stuff out alone." he said. Once he said it, he began to see that it sounded a little bit like he was shutting people out. That's not what he wanted though. He just wanted to be able to do something for himself for once.
JJ was quiet, driving Spencer insane. She was giving him that same motherly concerned gaze that he often got, but he refused to look up.
"Spencer..."
"I need to go." he said, setting the files down and rushing out the room before JJ could say anything else.
The rest of the day, Evie and Spencer had just ignored each other. Spencer was fine with this. He needed room to breathe and think. Once the clock was showing it was time to leave however, things took a turn for the worse.
"Heyyyyy, Pretty Boy and Pretty Girl." Morgan rumbled, coming up between the large space between where Evie and Spencer stood apart, waiting for the elevator. Spencer closed his eyes and took a frustrated breath. Morgan didn't know they were fighting. He really hoped he wouldn't...
"So, did Penelope talk to you?" he asked, putting an arm around Spencer's shoulder and putting the other around Evie's, yanking them in close together in a group hug of sorts. The skin of Evie's arm brushed up against Spencer's. He was struck with how much he wanted just to hold her and kiss her all over. The sudden realization made him jerk away without him realizing it, but Evie hadn't taken it the way he'd meant it.
"So now you can't even touch me?" she murmured. Her voice was primarily angry, but there was a twinge of hurt inside. Spencer frowned and looked past Morgan to where she was looking at the floor.
"No, no. Stop making conclusions."
Oh man... he thought. That'd come out a lot meaner than he had meant it to.
"It's not too hard."
"Oh, so now you're a professional profiler?"
"Wow. You're really-"
"OH KAY!" Morgan interrupted their bickering, looking between he two with utter bafflement. Spencer couldn't blame him. He was surprised too.
At this point, the entire BAU's attention was turned to them as Morgan's voice had boomed through the room. There was still murmurs of a few behind them, but others went silent. Spencer glanced over his shoulders to see Hotch, JJ, and Rossi standing by the railing, looking over at them with concern.
"Just forget it. I'll walk home." Evie muttered, wiggling out of Morgan's grasp.
"Are you kidding me? Don't be so stubborn." Spencer said before he could help himself. What was she thinking though? It was freezing! He may have been furious with her, but he wasn't going to let her walk in the cold.
"Oh so now you care all of the sudden?" she said, voice growing, turning to looked at him through furrowed eyebrows.
"Why did you think I didn't?"
"Oh, I don't know! Maybe somewhere between calling me your meddling girlfriend or telling me to leave you alone!" Evie said in rushed words. She was almost shouting now, her face getting a red tint to it as she ranted. "Or- or- or maybe when you left me to go sleep on the couch!" she said. Spencer closed his eyes and groaned in frustration. Great. Now the entire BAU knew about them.
"I'm not doing this now." he said as the elevator dinged open. Spencer rolled his eyes and began to make his way in as Evie did. She watched him and stopped suddenly however. Reid sighed. What was it now?
"I'll take the stairs." she said under her breath. Spencer put an arm in front of the elevator door to stop it from closing.
"No, I will."
"No, I will."
"No, I will."
"Dear god..." Morgan said, annoyed. He took them both by the wrist and dragged them into the elevator, pressing the close button before either could get out. If they couldn't even stand an elevator ride together, it was going to be a long drive home.
Happy Criminal Minds Wednesday! Sorry this took so long.