"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people."

~Carl Jung

Where am I? What am I laying on? Where's Spencer? Her head hurt, her arms hurt, her legs hurt, and most of all, her abdomen felt like someone was driving a sharp blade repeatedly through her skin and ribs. For a moment through the pain, she didn't care where she was or what was happening. She just willed it to go away.

Groaning, Evie opened her eyes to a blurry image of a ceiling above her. Colors and shapes surrounded her in an unrecognizable image. Wherever this was, it didn't look like a hospital. Closing her eyes again, Evie squeezed them shut and opened them, the room around her now clear.

It was all unpainted wood for walls and ceilings. It wasn't too big; about seven by seven or as big as the bathroom in her and Spencer's apartment. The floors were completely cement, a cold and unforgiving gray. The entire room looked like a closet in an unfinished basement, minus the shelves. The only thing in the room was the shabby bed with a rusted metal frame beneath her. It was uncomfortable. Not only was her side hurting so much that she was hoping she'd pass out again, but it was cold all around her and she could feel the springs poking at her back through the thin material of the mattress she laid on.

At first, there wasn't much that she could remember. How'd she get here? Why was her abdomen hurting so badly? And once again, where was Spencer?

Soon however, the memories flooded back. The case in Boston, the shooting, the gun pointed at Spencer and her running in front before she even had a second thought. After that, everything went black. So that explained the pain. How'd she get here, though? And where was here?

Before Evie could even try to move, a clicking sound emanated from the opposite side of the room. A panel in the wall that looked like all the rest of the walls popped out, a dark hallway stretching beyond the threshold. A figure stood in the entrance, and instantly Evie knew this wasn't good.

The figure stepped into the dim light of the room she was laying in. The man was revealed to be a small wiry figure, looking of Indian descent. He wore tattered clothing that looked like it was once nice, but had worn down over time. He had dusty glasses held up low on his nose and he barely had hair left on his head. He looked to be about fifty or so, grayish black stubble covering his face. Upon entering, he kept his eyes down, only glancing up at her once.

Another man followed him in. He was Caucasian and wore dark clothes. He held his arms stiffly at his side, his expression hard and unwavering. Evie could see the mark of the gang symbol on his wrist as he closed the door behind him, the sound of a lock clicking in place after the door was closed.

At first, she couldn't find the courage or strength to speak. What if he had a gun? What if he killed her? Taking a deep breath and cringing after it hurt her side, Evie opened her mouth to speak.

"Where-" she tried, it only coming out as a whisper. "Where am I?" she tried again, sounding louder and hopefully more confident this time. The men didn't even flinch. The Indian man went to her bedside, only interested on the area that was shooting stabbing pains through her body. He reached forward, obviously intending to examine her injury.

"Hey!" she protested, groaning a bit after from the pain that coursed through her from using the strength to speak even moderately loudly. Once again, they didn't even flinch. The man in front of her gently pulled up the hem of her shirt to reveal her lower stomach. She hissed in pain as his hand gently poked at what felt like thick bandages wrapped around her waist and stomach.

"Don't touch me." she said through gritted teeth. The man ignored her and reached down to pull on a thin tube that she realized was attached to her arm with a needle. She hated the feeling of something stuck in her arm through her skin. It made her nauseous, but the pain in her stomach took over all of the thoughts in her mind.

"Where am I?" she tried to demand again, her voice just barely wavering at the end in fear. She had hoped her demands wouldn't spark the wrong reaction, but Evelyn was out of luck. In one swift movement, the man in dark clothing standing quietly on the wall across the room from her bed whipped out a gun from the back of his belt, cocking it and holding the barrel towards her forehead.

"Shut up! Just, shut up!" he barked, his husky voice ringing through the air. Evie cringed back into the bed, partly from the fear of being killed on the spot and partly from the pain that flared up in her side. She squeezed her eyes shut and thought of Spencer, wanting nothing more than to just be in Spencer's arms. The shot didn't come however, and the smooth rumble of another voice emanated instead.

"That's enough. You may leave us now. I've got this handled." The second voice from beside her said. She opened one eye cautiously to see the man checking her wound looking over to the more aggressive looking one. The man holding the gun tightened his grip and hardened his features, looking furiously at both Evie and the other unsub.

"You need to remember where you stand..." he muttered. His eyes would've been glowing red if that was possible. The other unsub remained calm however, staring back assertively. Evie tried to figure out the relationship between the two. They were obviously on the same side, but it didn't seem too friendly.

"The stress isn't good for her current state."

The men stared at each other intently, neither one willing to back down. Finally the gun was lowered, and Evie was able to relax just a little bit more. The room was still extremely tense as he turned and gave three harsh knocks on the door. The panel in the wall clicked from the other side and it popped open. Evelyn guess there were more people on the other side.

"I apologize. He doesn't have much patience." The man still remaining in the room said through a thick accent. Evie just stared at the way he avoided eye contact like he had no interest in anything but her injury. He was unhooking one of the tubes hooked up to her and changing it with another that was protruding from under her bed. She wondered what kind of machines were under there that kept her alive. If Evie listened close enough, she could've sworn she could hear a high pitched buzzing. That may have been her ears still ringing from the shootout, though.

"Where am I. Where's my team?" she repeated, trying to keep her voice level but still have an aggressive tone. The man continued to attach to new tube to the needle in her arm in silence. It was beginning to drive her insane.

After a while, the man finally stopped fidgeting. He sighed and began to stand, ready to walk out. Evie started to panic, wondering how much time would go by before anyone came into the room again. Would they just leave her there alone to die? How much time had she spent in there already?

"Wait! Please..." she said, her voice wavering at the last word. He stopped and froze, standing in front of the panel facing away from her. Evie waited in silence, just wanting answers at the very least. She held her breath, partly in anticipation and partly because breathing hurt.

"You've been taken captive." The man said. Evie strained her hearing to hear his quiet, foreign voice. "I was barely able to keep you alive. You're lucky." He said. Evie tried to process this. The only question she could stutter out as the unknown subject began to leave, knocking on the door was,

"I need to get out. How do I get out?" She didn't know why she seemed to trust this man, but she had a strong feeling that he wasn't exactly in the gang like the others.

"You can't." he said. The door popped open and he left her alone once more.

Spencer walked down the glossy floors of the concert hall, Evie by his side. She was beautiful, but it wasn't different from any other time; she was always beautiful. Her hair was naturally curled at the end, the light making her brown-red locks shine. He never knew how it was always so perfect. Her skin was perfect like always, and he always had to hold back from just kissing it all over. Her eyes were the same curious gray as the first time he saw her, and her dainty figure walked in a way that was somehow more graceful than normal.

"I'll call Rossi to pick us up." Spencer said, fishing his phone out of the pocket. They were on a case at a musical concert hall all the way in Oregon. Rossi, Evelyn, and him had been sent to the hall to talk to the employer of the first victim. Dave had been called away to meet Hotch to examine a few files from a case only Rossi had been on back in the day that might have coincided with their current case now, so Evie and Spencer were stranded without an SUV for the time being.

Spencer dialed Rossi's speed dial number and held the phone to his ear. He stopped walking for a moment, to listen for Rossi to answer. Evie kept on walking, glancing back and smiling at him for a moment before she turned and kept walking. Spencer smiled a bit too, not being able to help himself whenever she was happy. He watched her trot off to the other side of the big entrance way, obviously interested in something on the other wall.

"Hey, kid. Do you need to be picked up?" Rossi's voice came over Spencer's phone speaker.

"Uh, yeah. That'd be great." he said, watching Evie make her way to a black piano across the floor. He frowned and tilted his head curiously, watching her sit down on the bench.

"Reid!" Rossi's voice emanated from the speaker. Spencer snapped his attention back to Dave, realizing he had been trying to ask him a question.

"Yeah?"

"Still at the concert hall?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. I'll be there in fifteen."

Spencer nodded to himself and hung up, stuffing the phone back into his pocket. The entire place was quiet, it being closed on a Sunday. The only sound was the ticking of a huge grandfather clock in the middle of a double staircase to his left. That was, until the piano started up. Spencer almost double taked upon seeing Evie engrossed in playing her fingers across the piano keys. They had been dating for a month and eight days, and he'd never knew she played the piano.

"Since when?" he asked, a surprised laugh escaping him as he walked forward to the glossy piano Evie sat in front of. She smiled at his comment and kept playing. Spencer recognized Schubert's Sonata as she played it expertly, not faltering even a bit.

He watched her in awe for a while, zoning out and freezing in the moment, just watching the way she played. She did everything beautifully. Eventually, he slid into the spot next to her on the bench. Evie scooted over a bit for him, stopping for a moment before starting up another song. Spencer watched her hands move swiftly. He took in the key pattern into his memory, hesitantly reaching forward and placing his right hand on the piano and willing himself to carefully play along with her.

Evie turned her gaze to him, her eyebrows drawn together in obvious surprise. She kept playing though, slowing down a bit so he could play with her.

"How are you doing that?" she asked as they started to pick up speed as Spencer got used to the rhythm.

"I don't know. You know, piano is just really mathematics." he said, making her chuckled beside him. "There was this one kid on a case we had. He was autistic and the only one who'd seen his parents kidnapped." he continued to explain. It was a bit harder to keep playing while talking at the same time, so he let her carry on without him.

"Anyway, he played this one song over and over. He didn't talk. He kind of taught me how to mimic it." Spencer said, making Evie smile even further. She ceased her movements and looked over at him, raising her eyebrows in a way that Spencer was familiar with. Whenever she was curious or had an idea she gave him that face.

It wasn't until Evie took his hand in hers, when he realized what she was doing. She lightly placed his hand on the keys of the piano, her hand on top, adjusting his fingers. He watched her guide him to the right notes, slightly smiling just because it was her. Once both of his hands were lined up correctly, she began playing beside him slowly, waiting for him to follow along. Within a few seconds, he did.

Only three or four minutes later, Spencer had gotten the hang of it. They were almost playing up to speed together, laughing whenever their hands bumped into each other when they needed to use the same keys. Spencer almost wished Rossi didn't come. After seeing more gruesome accounts of murder on yet another violent case, moments with Evie like these were what he lived for.

Spencer barely noticed when Evie stopped playing beside him. He kept himself focused on playing the piece perfectly, never wanting anything less. When he felt her finger tips lightly brush against his jawline, he did notice however. Spencer abruptly stopped playing and looked over to see Evie tilting her head to the side, ever so slightly. She had a sort of half smile on her lips that expressed how fond she was just by watching him. He couldn't help but smile back.

With one swift movement, Evie leaned in, pressing her lips to his own. Spencer sighed and melted into her, his hands sliding to lightly caress her hips and pull her closer to him. They kept it simple and sweet, wrapping their arms around each other and moving their lips in synchronization. His heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. Never would he ever take this for granted...

Spencer jerked awake, his breathing out of control and sweat gathering on his forehead. His heart was beating so fast he was afraid it'd beat right out of his chest. It was almost if he could still feel her lips on his own... with a sudden realization that it was only a livid memory in his dream however, Spencer let himself fall back down onto the floor where he lay. He remembered that moment from a few months ago. After that, Spencer had been looking for the perfect piano to get her for her birthday. A deep pain shot through his chest when he realized her birthday would never come.

His living room surrounded him, but what with happened last night, it was almost unrecognizable. Spencer squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remember everything that'd happened. Evie was dead. He refused to go with JJ. He'd realized Evie's death was all his fault and couldn't even think straight at one point. He'd freaked out, destroying his living room for no reason at all. Now that he was still and left in his thoughts, Spencer knew it sounded crazy. Maybe he was going crazy. If he was, he didn't much care.

That wasn't the only thing Spencer had done throughout the night where he didn't get any sleep. Reid turned his head and opened his eyes slightly to see the terrible syringe that lied beside him. The tiny glass bottles of Dilaudid stared back at him, mocking him for his weakness. The pressure of his belt was still around his arm where he'd injected himself. So that's what created the livid memory in his mind.

Tears burned in Spencer's eyes as he turned his gaze away from the horrid drug that he'd fallen victim to once again. What would Evie had said?

Nothing. He thought. Nothing, because she's dead and it's my fault.

His chest ached for her. It ached because he hated himself. It ached because she was dead and he somehow got to live. Spencer didn't know what to do anymore.

"Hey, boy wonder." A muffled and shaky voice said from outside of Spencer's door. He jumped at the sudden and unexpected noise. It sounded like Garcia. Spencer scrambled to his knees and scooped up the Dilaudid and syringe. He rushed to the corner of his living room where there was a loose floorboard that only he knew about. Flipping it up out of its place, Spencer shoved the drugs into the small place beneath the floor as Garcia knocked on the door.

"Come on, kid. We just want to know you're okay." Morgan said, his voice solemn. Spencer took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair, trying to recompose the little he had left of himself. He hastily removed his belt from his arm and threw it aside, collapsing onto the ground with his knees pulled to his chest and his arms crossed over his knees. He didn't feel like seeing or talking to anyone. He wanted everyone to just go away.

"Spencer, please? No one's going into work today." Garcia said, her voice still shaky. Spencer guessed she was probably in tears. He had nearly forgotten that they'd all lost a friend as well. He wasn't the only one who'd lost someone. He was however, the person who lost the most.

"We love you." she added, sniffling at the end. Spencer's hostile mood towards their presence softened. He couldn't keep being like this. Last time he wasn't doing well, he'd shut Evie out and taken everything out on her. In the end, it had caused them to fight for the last three days or so he had left with her. If they hadn't been fighting, would things had turned out the way they had? If they hadn't been fighting, Evie and Spencer would be working together on the case and she wouldn't have been in that position in the shootout and she wouldn't have died and it wouldn't have been all his fault. He didn't realize how ridiculous it sounded, even at the time, but it was the only thing on his mind. It was all his fault.

Bottom line, Spencer acknowledged that the last time he shut people out, it didn't work well at all. He couldn't keep building up walls. It wouldn't be what Evie wanted at all. Just thinking of her name sent tears spilling down his face. Reid listened to Morgan knocking on the door again, calling his name.

"Alright." he said. "Last chance, man. We'll get going if you don't want to talk. JJ is stopping by later." Morgan finished, his voice rumbling through the door. Spencer sighed and looked at the ground for a moment, making a decision.

Summoning all of his energy and hurriedly wiping away the tears from his face, Spencer pushed himself up and opened the door in one swift movement, catching Morgan and Garcia as they were giving up and beginning to walk away. They turned immediately at the sound of the door opening. Spencer cringed back awkwardly, looking down at the ground timidly. Before he knew what was happening, Garcia's arms were wrapped around him tightly, her body shaking with soft sobs.

"I'm so, so sorry, kiddo." she said, nearly squeezing the life out of him. Spencer bit his lip and tried not to let the sobs overtake his body too, wriggling an arm free of her embrace to wrap it loosely around her back. Over Garcia's shoulder, he saw Morgan tilting his head and watching them with a look of sympathy, his dark eyes obviously pained.

Once Penelope let him go, Morgan stepped forward and firmly grasped Spencer's hand in a sort of friendly handshakes, pulling him into a quick one armed hug. Spencer normally would've smiled, appreciative of his friends' support, but he couldn't even remember how to.

"Sweetheart, you look awful. Did you get any sleep at all?" Garcia asked, already fussing over him immensely. Spencer shrugged and kept his eyes down at the ground, not even wanting to look at himself. He imaged he did look awful though. His stomach was hurting from not eating in twenty hours, his eyes were stinging from lack of sleep, and his whole body shook from the shock of losing Evie. He lost Evie...

"Come on. You're going to get some sleep." Penelope said, regaining herself before them and letting her maternal instincts take over. She lightly guided Spencer further inside his apartment with a gentle hand on his arm. He remembered that he probably had a bump on his arm from where he'd injected himself, so he shied away a bit, making sure Garcia wouldn't notice.

"I can't sleep." he said, his voice so quiet that it surprised even him.

"Reid, please try. Being exhausted isn't going to help anyone." Derek said calmly. Spencer wanted to fight, but he had no power left in him. He just wanted his Evie, that's all he wanted. Thinking of her sent a wave of emotions through him. He wanted to just collapse and cry more, but at the same time he wanted to scream out his frustrations. He felt like he needed to throw up, but there wasn't much in his stomach after he hadn't eaten anything. His head spun wildly and his chest ached like his heart was dying along with her.

Managing to hold it together just in front of his friends, Spencer let Garcia pull him into his bedroom. She wouldn't let go of him until he was lying in bed, sheets pulled over his body. Spencer faced away from Evie's side of the bed, not able to deal with the fact that it was empty.

"I'll make you something to eat for when you wake up." Garcia said. Spencer glanced up at her, about to open his mouth and object, but she stopped him.

"Don't you dare say you can't eat anything, Spencer Reid!" she suddenly, bursting out with a frantic voice. Spencer jumped at the sudden raise in tone, watching her freak out before him with wide eyes.

"If you can't keep it together, then I can't keep it together! If you don't take care of yourself, then... then..." she stuttered at the end, tears rolling down her cheeks and her breathing picking up to the point of near hyperventilation.

"Okay, okay. I'll try." Spencer said weakly, stopping her before she could freak out any further. Penelope wiped away her tears and looked him with big sad eyes. What he said was a lie, but he just wanted to calm her down.

"Get some rest." She whispered, reaching over and giving his hand a squeeze. Spencer tried to force a smile but it didn't work. His expression remained solemn and pained, so he nodded instead.

Garcia turned and shut the curtains, bathing the room in darkness but leaving it open just the tiniest bit to allow a sliver of light to pour in. She gave Spencer's shoulder one last squeeze before moving out of the room to rejoin Derek in the living room.

Spencer took this time to break down. His shoulders shook as he choked on sobs he tried to suppress. How could he live without Evie? How could he do it? Spencer honestly didn't know what to say, or do, or think. He couldn't live without her. That was the simple answer. He couldn't.

A sound distracted Reid before he could fully break down. He tried to quiet himself as he listened to the soft muffled voices of Morgan and Garcia in the other room. Spencer laid there with his urge to sob suppressed in his chest. It felt like there was so much pressure there that he might explode. Maybe it'd be better if he did.

"Is he going to be okay?" Penelope was asking, her voice higher that usual like when she was extra concerned. Spencer waited to hear Derek's response. It seemed like he thought about it for a while, because a couple of moments went by before he said,

"I don't know. He'll heal eventually." Morgan said. Spencer bit his lip hard enough to draw blood to keep himself from crying. Taking in two deep breaths, he regained himself and kept listening.

"It's not fair. This is the second time. He doesn't deserve this, and neither did she." Garcia was saying in one fast sentence. He could hear her as she sniffled excessively. She was right. He deserved to die, not her.

"I know, baby girl. I know."

"Derek... I have to believe everything happens for a reason. I have to. Or else, everything I live by will be worth nothing. But this?" Penelope continued. "How could this have happened for a reason?" she said. Spencer imagined Morgan wrapping her in a hug, because it soon became quiet except for Garcia's sniffles. Spencer buried his face into his pillow and tried to keep himself crying, but it wasn't working. Grief washed over him like a fresh wave. Spencer quieted himself with his pillow as best as he could as he lost himself in his own dark web of guilt, regret and mourning.

A/N: I went to see a movie yesterday, it was called "Get Hard". In the first ten minutes, I was looking at the main characters fiancee and I'm like "OH MY GOD IT'S EVIE"

More to the point, it was Alison Brie who I imagine as Evie, but still! It was a nice surprise!