"Guilt is cancer. Guilt will confine you, torture you, destroy you as an artist. It's a black wall. It's a thief." ~Dave Grohl

The pain was starting to diminish just a bit. The Indian man who she still didn't know the name of, had injected her with some type of narcotics to numb the hurt. He came in and left without a word, despite how many questions she threw at him.

She was getting tired, but couldn't sleep. It felt like she had been in that tiny room forever, with no way of knowing how much time had gone by. That in itself was torture on top of the torment of wondering if she'd ever see Spencer and her friends again. Were they looking for her? How far away was she? Evie thought of all the information the team had gone through about the gang. There were hundreds of people on the inside of this operation. She might've not even been in Boston anymore. She could be in any state in the US. Was she even in the US?

Evelyn reached up to her neck and felt the pendant of her necklace between her fingers. She remembered when Spencer gave it to her. They were so happy then. She didn't think it could be any better and somehow everything fell apart. Through the pain of earlier, she'd almost forgot about how her and Spencer left their relationship before she disappeared. Cringing, she tried not to remember them like that. That wasn't Spencer. It wasn't who he was.

Maybe I will. Spencer had said after she asked if he'd give up and leave her. Did he mean it?

A tear rolled down her cheek. Maybe he did mean it. Maybe he didn't even care that she was gone.

Evie stop. She told herself. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. He loved her and she loved him. That's it. So they were fighting a bit. She was sure he was out there worried about her, and she made a pledge that she'd get back to him.

The door burst open and hit the wall with a boom like a gun shot. Evie jumped and hissed in pain, her gunshot wound fighting through her pain killers. The man who had held a gun to her head earlier walked in, followed by a much taller man with shadows playing across his face adding sharp features that made him look dark and threatening. His dark hair was slicked back with so much grease, it was gleaming even in the dim light. He was carrying a tray of food that he threw down on the ground next to her bed aggressively, two bread rolls flying off from the impact.

Evie flinched at the loud sound of the tray hitting the ground. All at once, she felt a hand grab her hair, pulling her up and engulfing her in waves of shooting, stabbing pains. She yelped and squeezed her eyes shut in pain.

"Give me one reason not to kill the fed!" the man roared, his voice ringing and echoing off the walls. Evie tried to stay as still as possible, hoping to diminish the pain the best she could. It traveled through her side and up her spine and throughout her entire body. "It was not my orders to keep her alive!"

"Batra insisted we keep her alive." the obvious less powerful man said from behind him. Evie opened an eye to see the same Indian man in the doorway. She'd asked his name before, but he hadn't told her. Batra. His name must've been Batra.

Evie was thrown back down onto her bed, rattling the frame. She would've screamed in pain, but it hurt to much to even make a sound. She just shrunk into the mattress, clutching her side.

"You care to explain?" the slick haired man shouted at Batra. The way he was barking at the top of his lungs didn't even make the wiry man cringe. He stared back calmly through scraggly glasses, tilting his head to the side as if he was interested in what the man was saying. "Do I need to remind you where you stand? You're nothing but a tool, old man."

So Evie was right. This "Batra" wasn't really part of the gang. Somehow he'd been wrapped up in their business, serving for them. Maybe he was a hostage too. But why did he have so much freedom?

"We need a ticket out of the country. She's a federal agent. She can get us out, no problem." he said, his voice the same, not even wavering in fear a bit.

The room was silent, the three man staring at each other and Evie. At one point they were all looking at her, deciding whether it was best to keep her alive or to end her once and for all. She didn't even much pay attention to them at the moment. She was concentrating on keeping her fast and frantic breathing down. When her breathing patterns quickened, the pain increased and nothing else mattered.

"You better be right about this." The taller and more powerful man said. In her mind, Evie named him Slick for his hair. She'd already subconsciously named the other one Gun, remembering how her heart raced when he raised the barrel to her head.

With Slick's last comment, him and Gun left the room, leaving Batra and Evie alone. The door shut with an aggressive bang that rang through the air. The atmosphere was left silent. Evie was still slightly shaking from the scare of being lifted by her hair, her life possibly on the line.

While she tried to gain the courage to speak again, Batra bent over and picked up the rolls that had tumbled off the tray. He fiddled with the food, straightening it out and standing up to lay in gently across Evie's lap. She cleared her throat and took a couple of deep breaths, feeling how dry her throat was from lack of water.

"Thank you." she whispered, her eyes on Batra instead of the food. "You're name is Batra?"

"Hani Batra, meaning happy, content, and delighted." he said, nodding his head with a straight face. He looked her in the eye for the first time since she got there. His eyes were so dark they almost looked black, but they were soft... like Morgan's. The thought of her friend made her heart ache.

"Well..." she said, looking down and fiddling with her food to see if anything actually looked edible. "It's not really fitting, no offense." she said. Hani chuckled and watched her unwrap a piece of baguette from its saran wrap.

"You won't be able to smile within another day with these people either." he said grimly. Evie looked up at him with concerned eyes. Throughout however many hours or maybe even days she's been there, she always kept her head held high with hopes of eventually escaping. That'd always been her plan. Hearing Batra talk as if she was never escaping drove her cold. She might never get out.

"Um... So why are you here?" she asked, trying to change the subject and find out more about Hani at the same time. He sighed and sat down at the foot of her bed, placing his hands in his lap. This was the most she ever heard him talk.

"About four months ago, they raided my small town. My family was taken. They still have them." he said, obviously trying to be as vague as possible. Evie felt a pang go through her chest. She hated hearing about families ripped apart. Especially with her job and wanting a family someday, it always took a bigger toll on her.

"I'm sorry." she whispered. "Listen... We can both get out of here. My team? They're experts on this. We can get your family back in no time. I'm sure with your information about their entire operation, it would-"

"No." he said plainly, shaking his head and looking at the ground. Evie frowned and watched him. It was silent and still for a while, and the only sound was Evie's quiet breathing. She couldn't stay here. She needed to get back to Spencer.

"Wh- why not?"

"They'll kill you before you can take another step out of this room." he explained gravely. Evie looked down at her necklace in thought. She didn't know what to do.

"Your name is... Evelyn?" Batra continued after it once again became awkwardly silent. Evie frowned and looked up to see him staring at her, his expression looking as if he was trying to be more gentle and friendly. She forced a small back.

"How do you know?"

"I saw your credentials before they took them."

"Oh..." she said, looking down at her hands fiddling in her lap. Everything she saw and everything that they said somehow reminded her of Spencer. She imagined what he was doing right now. Reading? On another case? Looking for her? She wanted to just hear his voice one last time. She wanted to see his face and feel her fingers through his hair and her lips on his lips. The only thing that was keeping her sane was her determination and keeping herself distracted from the pain of her abdomen with Batra. On that note, she decided it'd be best if she kept talking.

"So..." she said, avoiding his gaze in the uncomfortable silence. "What's my condition?"

"You're lucky. The bullet was right above the hip and just enough over to the left of your belly button. If it was even an inch to the left, you'd be dead."

Evie shuddered at this. She tried to remember back to when she'd first been shot, but most of it was just gone from her memory. She remembered the loud bangs of guns going off all around her and the smell of gunpowder in the air. She remembered being so caught in the heat of the moment, she didn't even think twice about jumping in front of Spencer. She didn't regret it at all, it just happened so quickly. Then there was a blinding pain in her side and everything went black.

That was, until she woke up in this hellhole.

"How did you know how to save me?"

"I'm a surgeon at Westside Hospital." he plainly stated. "Or, I- I used to be." Hani corrected himself, growing quiet. Evie was glad that she was finally getting Batra to open up a bit, but she didn't want to stick around to get to know him too well. She wanted to get out. And one way or another, she would make sure she did.

The day was a gorgeous one. The sun was shining, and there were few clouds in the cyan blue skies. The birds were loud in their sing song voices, serenading the beautiful day as if they were celebrating. It was abnormal, being in November. Virginia did have its off days however, and this counted as one. The temperature was in the sixties and there wasn't much wind. The ground was dry enough to walk on without sinking into mud and many of the leaves that had fallen during early autumn had been either packed into the ground or blown away.

On days like this, Evie and Spence always came to the park. It was the first day since they'd been dating that they could actually lie a blanket over the ground and lay down to have a picnic, however. In their previous walk through the trails in the woods, they found a secluded little clearing that they set up their picnic on. The remains of their lunch were on paper plates stacked beside them, and now they lied facing each other, bodies almost close enough to be pressing against each other.

Spencer took time to just study her features, running his thumb gently across her cheekbone and down her jawline and finally brushing over her lips, making her smile. Evie's music was playing from her small speaker behind them. It was a song Spencer recognized as "Eyes Closed" by "The Narrative". He noticed she always played this song more than the others when she was listening to music. Curious, he started listening to it himself without her know. Sometimes he'd take her phone without her noticing and listen to the songs she liked, just because it was purely her. He loved imagining what she thought of whenever she was quietly listening.

"And oh my god, you're beautiful." Spencer half whispered half sang to the part of the song that reminded him of her most as it played over her speaker. Evie's smile widened and she pulled her eyebrows together.

"Have you been listening to my songs?" she asked, skeptically. Spencer smiled back and didn't answer. Instead, he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. He felt her smile a bit into the kiss before relaxing and moving her lips against his. They'd only been dating for a bit over a month and he already didn't know how he'd ever lived without her before. He melted into her, gently kissing her back before pulling back.

Spencer suddenly realized that she'd gone still; unusually still. He frowned and leaned back to see her lying on her side, her body frozen and her eyes wide open, staring into nothingness. His entire body went cold.

"Evie?" he gently called to her, hesitantly reaching forward and shaking her shoulder lightly. She fell onto her back, eyes still glazed over and marble-like. Her chest wasn't rising and falling either.

Oh no...

"Evie!" Spencer exclaimed, more frantic now. He kneeled beside her rubbing his hand over her arm and shaking her a bit harder. "No, no, no... Evie please!"

There was no response. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Spencer knew he wasn't going tog get one. His heart clenched inside his chest and tears sprung to his eyes. His entire body was shaking and he suddenly felt like he was going to be sick. No, no. She couldn't be gone!

"Evie!"

"Evie!" Spencer shouted as his eyes flew open. He was no longer in the park from that one warm autumn day. Evie was no longer still in front of him, unresponsive and frozen. He was in his bedroom, the mahogany floors and warm walls surrounding him. Reid wasn't alone, though. Morgan's strong hands were gripping his shoulders, shaking him roughly. They ceased when he realized Spencer had woken up, and both were left breathing hard.

Spencer's eyes flickered beside Morgan to see Garcia with her eyes as wide as saucers and her mouth agape, her hands covering it in horror. Spencer must've looked nearly the same. He felt his eyes wide, his body shaking, and his forehead sticky with sweat. His chest heavily rose and fell in time with his rapid breathing. He couldn't even think straight. Reid could still see the image of her dead before him. The worst part was that he knew it was true. She was gone. He finally had accepted that.

"She- she can't be gone." he managed to self consciously stutter out between hasty breaths. It was more to himself then his friends in the room, but he was aware of their concerned eyes looking at him. Neither Morgan or Garcia moved, like they were scared that if they did, he'd go insane.

"Reid..." Morgan eventually said, putting a strong hand on Spencer's bony shoulder. "I'm sorry, man."

Spencer shook his head back and forth wildly. "No, no, no..." he said, pushing himself up and leaning over to rest his elbows on his thighs and bury his head in his hands. It felt like there was an animal trying to claw its way out of his skull and his stomach was clenched as if he was about to get sick.

"I- I never even got to say goodbye. Or that I loved her. Or that I was sorry. Oh my god, we were fighting..." he said. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew this before, but so much was racing through his mind that he had put it aside. Now that he thought about it, they couldn't have left things in a worse way.

"Spencer, she knows you love her." Garcia said, snapping out of her horrified frozen state and sitting on the edge of his bed. She put a hand on his arm as Morgan retracted his. Spencer would've appreciated them at any other time, but his thoughts were racing as fast as his heartbeats. He couldn't comprehend anything but the fact that he'd made Evie feel awful before she died. She was trying so hard to help him and he pushed her away.

"Oh god... the last thing I told her was..." Spencer faded off, remembering that exact moment before they'd left for that damned case. They'd gotten in a fight like every other day before that for the last three days. He remembered every word they said together as they rang through his mind. The worse was from him though. She'd asked him if he'd leave her and...

"I- I told her that maybe I'd leave her." he choked out, the urge to cry creeping slowly up his throat painfully. Spencer felt his shoulders begin to heave up and down with anticipation to the break down. "I didn't mean it!" he exclaimed, his voice cracking at the end.

Reid felt the weight of Garcia scooting closer to him. She enveloped him in his arms, pulling his shaking curled up body into hers and leaning her head into his forehead. He let his head fall onto her shoulder, smelling her strong sweetly scented perfume.

"Sweetie, I'm sure she knows you didn't mean it." she said soothingly, petting his hair lightly. Spencer blinked, sending tears down his face, making Garcia hug him tighter.

"I- I just said it without thinking. I'd never... I'd never..." Reid tried to sputter out. He saw Morgan's fallen face watch and look helpless. Spencer didn't blame him. Even he knew that he himself was helpless.

"Pretty Boy..." Morgan started. He faded off though, speechless.

The three friends were quiet for a while. Garcia resumed to hold Spencer, rubbing his arms gently to try and calm him down. Usually she could make anyone feel better, but he was so deep down in some dark pit alone in his guilt and grief that there was no way of climbing out.

"I'm going to go make you something to eat." Garcia said, being the first one to break the silence. Spencer sat up and nodded quietly, wiping the tears from his face. She hopped of the bed and gave his an arm a light squeeze before exiting the room, her pink skirt and white cardigan bustling out the door. Spencer was then left with Morgan, his shaded eyes drilling into him.

Reid sniffled and tried to regain himself. He tried to think of something to distract him. Anything. Edgar Allen Poe. Charles Darwin. Scientific Theories. Nothing would work though. She was always on his mind. Her face was always painted across his imagination. Her voice still rang in his ears. She was nowhere but everywhere at the same time.

"Reid, I don't like the idea of you living here alone." Derek spoke up. Spencer looked down at his hands balled up in his lap that was still covered with his bed sheets.

"I don't want to leave." he said quietly. He didn't quite know why. Everything reminded him of her, but being in the apartment they used to share was just enhancing that. Maybe somewhere deep inside him, he thought she'd magically come walking through the front door. Maybe he didn't want to let go. Usually he could profile himself to know, but profiling was something was completely out of the question at this point. He barely even knew which way was up and which way was down at this point.

Morgan continued to deepen his concerned look.

"It'll get better, kid. I promise. You know she wouldn't want you to be this miserable." Derek said, shifting his weight more-so to one foot. Reid avoided all eye contact, clearing his throat.

"I can't help it."

"I know, I know... We're hear for you. Any day, all day. You know that, right?"

Spencer nodded. Morgan sighed and clapped a hand gently on his back as Garcia walked in. She was carrying a bowl with steam rising from what looked like chicken star soup. Spencer remembered when Evie had told him that noodles were overrated and stars were much more fun. He felt a pang of hurt come and go, blinding his thoughts from everything but his mourning for a moment. He let it pass and focused on his friends before him. Garcia came up beside his bed, setting the bowl down on his nightstand.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted real solid food, or food you eat when you don't feel well, or- or-"

"This is perfect. Thank you." Spencer said quietly. He took the it shakily, setting the warm bowl down on his lap while keeping a hand holding it upright. He looked down at the bubbles in the swirling yellow broth. The tiny stars floated around each other and small pieces of chicken were mixed between them. His stomach felt emptier than empty. It was twisting and turning with hunger pains, but he wasn't hungry at the same time. He had no desire to eat. He was lucky he had even gotten that one hour of sleep before he had been ripped awake from his nightmare.

Reid did realize that Morgan and Penelope were watching him with hope. He glanced up at them for a moment before sighing, knowing that he wasn't getting out of this one. Spencer took the spoon from the nightstand and scooped up only broth. Morgan was pulling up a chair for himself and Garcia took her place on the edge of the bed beside him.

As soon as the warm liquid touched his lips, he felt sick. He didn't imagine anything as appetizing right now. Or ever. Reid concluded that he'd at least make his friends happy though. He downed the broth, cringing a bit when he felt his stomach begin to protest. He tried not to think of the small amount of broth coming back up and he tried not to think of the way her lifeless body looked on the concrete. Just that image was enough to make himself sick from upset.

Spencer relaxed when the broth settled in his stomach. He stirred his spoon around in the soup, eyeing it unpleasantly. Reid heard Penelope sigh.

"It's a start." she said, rubbing leg through his blankets. Spencer bit his lip and nodded.

"We aren't leaving until we know you have some food in you." Morgan added. Spencer sighed in disappointment. He knew they just wanted what was best for him, but the only thing Spencer wanted was to curl up in a ball and mourn Evie. Well, what he really wanted was Evie herself, but seeing as that'd never happen again, the only thing he could imagine himself doing was collapsing alone on the floor and hoping to disappear.

Spencer refrained from doing so however. At least in front of Garcia and Derek. Instead he imagined Evie worried about him, sitting next to him and leaning her head into his shoulder. She'd brush his hair from his face and tell him that he needs to take care of his "tummy". He always thought it was cute how she always used the word "tummy".

With that in mind, Spencer held back tears and scooped up more soup. Garcia seemed to perk up just a little as if she had hopes of moves towards recovery. He knew his friends wanted him to eventually heal. He didn't want to, though. He never would.

A/N: Thank you guys so so much for all of the support. All of these reviews and favorites and follows make my day!

P.S. Did anyone see that really cute Garcia and Spencer scene in the latest episode? Soooo cute