Karla pushed me away. "What ... what are you saying?" she stuttered. "I'm saying: you aspire to be someone that you already are. It's as if you think of yourself below this person. Well I don't think so. The Karla I have in front of me should be proud of who she is. I honestly feel you are more than what you give yourself credit for." I assured.

"I don't think you understand exactly what your saying." she argued. "Then clarify it for me, There's so much I've come to learn about you and yet I feel there are many layers that you keep hidden." I pressed. "You're prying into my personal life again." she warned. "So what if I am. You're not just another component of the game you know. You're a real person with a reality beyond this one, but you're hiding behind your name." I said

"I'm not hiding!" Karla said indignantly. She crossed her arms tightly, and pursed her lips. "My name is my choice; it's personal! Why do I have to tell you why I chose it?" she asked. I saw the conflict in her eyes: a longing to share mixed with a fear to trust. Karla was vulnerable and maybe I should have dropped the subject. But I didn't want to.

"Because I'm your friend and I care about you." I raged as I answered her question. "But it's hard with so little to go on. You've been trying to emulate someone; it seems to be your goal, and yet you claim you haven't reached it. Fine! Maybe you're not there yet, maybe there are still steps to be taken. But I can't help you get there if I don't know who this Karla really is!" I said in exasperation.

"Karla's a doll! Ok! A dumb stupid doll of mine." she bawled. She looked at me for a moment then buried her face in her hands and turned her back to me. "I'm so embarrassed now." she sobbed. "It was embarrassing enough to be attached to it without having to tell someone about it. Are you going to laugh at me now? Tell me I'm a big baby? Tell me to grow up?" she said.

"No." I said softly. Karla flinched as if she'd just lost something. Her anger was pushed aside and left her vulnerable. She took a deep breath. "I don't know if I believe you." she pouted. "You're just being polite. You're probably thinking I'm to immature and that someone else would be better suited to be with you." she sighed.

"No one is better suited." I replied. "I've never found reason to ever laugh at you. So what, if you have a secret that you thought others would consider childish? I don't think it is." I said. I shrugged my shoulders. "I play video games, I watch anime, I collect trading cards, I'm the last person in the world that could ever tell you to grow up." I admitted. "But it's more than just a toy isn't it?" I inquired

Karla winced. I was prying into a sensitive part of her personality. Revealing a hidden and very personal part of her. She bowed her head and sighed. "I feel silly. I thought I'd grown out of it by now." Karla said. She turned to face me again. "It's not much of a story, but I'll tell you if you really want to know." she offered. I nodded and invited her to sit under the tree. She sat with her back to the tree and her legs stretched out in front of her. I sat in front of her a little to her right.

"I was ten when I got Karla. One of the girls at my birthday party gave it to me. She practically apologized to me because it wasn't one of those high fashion dolls, with ridiculous makeup and clothes, that we sometimes played with. This one was more natural looking, and wearing clothes that were similar to what the teens were actually wearing at the time." Karla explained.

"The girl told me she was a 'Clara' doll, part of a line of similar dolls, and I could get her clothes and other accessories. I misunderstood when she said it: I heard Karla." she chuckled lightly at this mistake. "When my guests pointed out my mistake, I told them it was her name: that I would call the doll Karla. They all agreed it was a cool name; a little quick thinking saved me from further embarrassment." she recollected.

"She was different than my other dolls; she always had a special place in my games. She was the strong one. She was the one that saved the day. The hero in all my stories. Sometimes I felt her choices didn't even come from me. She had her own reality which sometimes went against my playacting. If I tried to make her do something out of character, I would scold myself saying: 'It's not how Karla would do it.'" she said.

"Because I had made her stronger than all the other characters in my games, she also became a comfort when things were rough." Karla's eyes glistened and she took a deep breath before continuing. "I would talk to her about how I felt. Then I would ask her: 'What would you do?'. I always seemed to get an answer. I wouldn't always follow the suggestion, either from lack of courage or out of hatred, and when that happened, I usually ended up regretting it."

"Eventually I grew up. Most of my dolls got put away, or given away. I stopped playing pretend games and was more interested in my studies and my social life. But I always kept the doll. Karla now sits on a shelf in my bookcase. I still look at her when things are rough, or when I'm nervous about an event, or some school presentation I have to give. It helps to calm my nerves." Karla said. Unconsciously she gently breathed out.

"It also means I pick her name as an alias whenever I'm online. I've had a bit of luck, in the past, that others don't pick the name Karla that often, so I usually get it for my avatars. Though sometimes I do have to add a number or something at the end. It was the first name that came to mind when this game asked me for one. It was so new that the name was available." she said.

"When the game turned out to be a potential death trap, I almost lost it. I didn't know what to do. I would cry myself to sleep at night. And when I wasn't crying I usually just sat somewhere holding my arms close to my body as if I was cold. I'm afraid to think of what I might have done to myself if I hadn't managed to eventually calm down and focus on surviving." Karla shuddered as she recalled how she felt.

"Karla and what she represented managed its way through the despair I was feeling and it calmed me. I started to feel that I should honor the nature of who Karla was. I had chosen her name, and in some way it meant I wanted to emulate her. So I managed to muster enough courage to go out and brave the wilderness. I equipped myself with what little funds I had and step out of the safety of the town." she said

"Completely terrified I challenged my first creature and managed to kill it before it took all my health. At that moment the terror left me. I felt the thrill of the win and it gave me confidence. 'I can do this.' I told myself and I thanked Karla for the courage. Everything I did after that, I tried to do it in the same way I perceived Karla would. And it served me fairly well, even though I would sometimes lose my confidence and end up spending the day in my room." Karla said.

"So that's it." Karla said "That's the story of my name and what it means to me. I don't know if it makes sense to anyone else. I've never talked to anyone about it." She leaned her head back against the tree and stared up at the sky. The leaves rustled slightly as a light breeze blew in. "I just want to be strong, you know, to have the courage to stand up to this game of death. Karla was a way to focus on that." Karla explained.

"Wolf, does it change anything between us?" Karla asked shyly. "I mean, being obsessed with a doll and needing it to face what this world throws at us, seems a little crazy. I'll understand if you think it's too weird." she apologized. "I can't force you to accept me, but I can hope that you can." she said. She looked at me with worry in her eyes as to how I would respond.

"It's who you are. No more no less. If Karla the doll is anything like Karla the girl, then she must be wonderful. As for me they are one in the same. It doesn't matter to me where you get your inspiration, but I like what I see. And I stand by what I said before: You are who you aspire to be. You are 'Karla' and everything that the name represents to you." I assured.

"You've opened up to me, more than I expected, and more than I deserved. We've been through a lot together and I could never push that aside. But most importantly we've been through it as friends." I said. My face felt warm. "And true friends don't abandon each other, as I won't abandon you. I want to continue to share this adventure with you, as your friend. I offer you my friendship and everything it represents." I put my hand out in front of me. Without hesitation she put her hand in mine and said:

"Together, my friend."