"Confession is always weakness. The grave soul keeps its own secrets, and takes its own punishment in silence."

~Dorothy Dix

***This chapter is dedicated to Shemar and any of his die-hard fans. While I'm heartbroken by his departure, I fully support his decision and wish him luck on whatever step in his life comes next, in hopes that maybe one day he'll return to Criminal Minds***

Spencer's eyes fluttered open and he was instantly greeted by the tightening feeling in his chest that he had woken up with for the past couple weeks. It gripped his heart and contorted it to the point where he nearly couldn't breathe. Reid knew it was some sort of anxiety that he should be taking medication for, but that was what he had done best lately: pushing off potentially serious situations hoping that they'd eventually dissolve by themselves.

His first thought while looking up at the dark ceiling of JJ's spare room was that Evie was dead. This evolved to him feeling himself die inside and crave a fix. As Spencer's consciousness created that longing, obsessed sensation inside him, he began to push himself up on the bed. This shifted Spencer's gaze over to the other side of the bed where it was nicely made like it had perfectly remained for his stay at JJ's- it looked slept in, but no one was there.

Spencer blinked stupidly, furrowing his brow. Wait a minute... he thought to himself, trying to put together the puzzle pieces of his dreams and what was actually real in the morning grogginess of his mind. Didn't... Didn't Evie...

"Evie?" he called out to the empty room, suddenly remembering the night before. All the sleep deprivation and Dilaudid was throwing his mind off lately. Spencer did remember now though. Even though last night had nearly felt like a dream, he was sure it wasn't. Then why wasn't she here?

"Evie?" he called out, a little more panicky this time. Fear gripped his chest. But what if it was a dream. Am I going so far off the deep end that I'm now confusing my illusions with reality?

Just before Spencer almost slipped out of bed to go search the house, there she was. Walking quickly into the room with her small figure and dark flowing hair with her brow furrowed in concern, Evie hurried to his side, a bit confused.

"What, what's wrong?" she asked, looking up into his eyes seeming to sense his previous anxiety. Spencer let relief wash over him, even smiling a bit looking down at her in front of him. His chest was tightening with a new type of feeling: the nervous but excited kind that he got whenever he looked at her. Evie smiled a bit too, still looking puzzled.

"I was just worried when you weren't here." Spencer admitted quietly, a bit embarrassed. Evie broke into a wider fond smile and reached her hand up to brush the side of his face. Spencer leaned his head into her touch and closed his eyes, letting her run her hands up through his hair and down to gently scratch the nape of his neck. Spencer wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to the bed between his legs, lying his head on her shoulder and holding her tight in his grasp. They stayed like this for a while, neither one wanting to be the first to break away. Evie did eventually speak up.

"Mm... We need to get ready."

"Why." mumbled Spencer.

"We're going to the BAU, remember? Half of the team still thinks I'm dead."

Spencer slightly forgot about that.

"Oh."

Evie chuckled at his response. "Oh." she repeated, kissing the side of his head before pulling away and walking towards the bathroom.

"Hurry up, if we want to leave with JJ we need to leave in 20."

Spencer sighed and kept his eyes on her, admiring just the small things she did like pin her hair back before washing her face and the way she wrinkled her nose when a strand that she missed brushed against her face. He didn't want to go anywhere. He'd be happy with just watching her forever. Although, he'd really be happy with anything just as long as she remained alive.

"Spencer, you know your quietness is worrying me. I used to not be able to get you to shut up." she mused, making him smile sadly. The way she used "I used to" hit Spencer. It sounded like she was referring to the last time they'd seen each other only weeks ago as if it were years. That's exactly how he felt about it, though. If he thought everything was going to be the same as it was just instantly, he'd be even more crazy then he already was. Spencer knew he still had healing to do, as did she. Yes, he was happy. But that was different than resuming to the happy lifestyle they lived before. It was up to him whether or not he'd let the healing happen though, he knew that now. It wouldn't be like last time where he had let it come in the middle of their happiness.

With his in mind Spencer took a deep breath and stood up, going to stand behind her in the mirror.

"In 2008, the fatal injury rate for fishers and related fishing workers was 128.9 deaths per 100,000. That's much higher than the fatal injury rate for truck drivers, roofers, electrical power-line installers and repairers, and even miners." he said, dipping down to nip at her neck while Evie tried to brush her hair. She giggled and tried to shy away, but he locked his arms around her waist, pulling her tightly against him. Evie smiled at him through the mirror and shook her head.

"That's not what I meant."

"But i read it on live ... or something like that." Spencer said, tickling her side so that she squirmed in her grasp.

"Spencer!" she laughed breathlessly. He smiled watching her eyes light up as she tried to wiggle out of his grasp. While watching her laugh in the mirror however, he caught sight of the small red injection marks on the crook of his elbow. Spencer immediately stopped tickling her, trying to hide them the best he could. Evie took a deep breath, regaining herself, still smiling. Spencer forced a smile too, so she wouldn't think something was wrong. The thoughts of the Dilaudid were circulating through his mind now, though. What was he even going to do with it? Throw it out, surely.

Spencer kissed the top of her head.

"Okay, I'll let you get ready." he told her. Evie smiled and rolled her eyes playfully.

"Thank you."

Spencer slipped out of the bathroom and into the guest room, looking out into the hallway to make sure JJ, Henry or Will weren't roaming around. When he was sure that they wouldn't be a problem, he glanced over at Evs.

"Hey, I'm going to put together some breakfast." he said, mentally kicking himself for lying through his teeth.

"Okay." Evie said sweetly, smiling at him. Spencer nodded his head and exited the room, walking to the kitchen but before entering, taking a left towards the foyer instead. Spencer quietly slid on his shoes, looking around for anyone who may question him. It seemed that JJ and Will were still getting ready and Henry was still sleeping so he tried his best to tiptoe out the front door into the chilly morning with every intention of destroying every bit of evidence of the drugs. He'd tell Evie later, but right now he just wanted it gone.

Evie lounged in one of the chairs surrounding the table in the round-table room. She was leaning back into the chair so that Spencer could play with her hair as he stood behind her. They'd gotten there ten minutes before the rest of the team would arrive, save for Hotch who Evie already had gotten a warm welcome back and hug from. Now Spence, JJ, and Evie patiently awaited the arrival of the rest of the team.

"I don't know why I feel so anxious." Evie mumbled, staring at the door as if it'd open any second. And she was anxious- her heart beat was pounding faster than normal, her chest tightened, her hands fidgeted. She really didn't know why though, she should be happy, elated about seeing her friends again.

"You're still adjusting. Give it time." JJ said sweetly smiling over at Evie. Evelyn smiled back and nodded, taking a quiet deep breath.

"Uh, but Sir, I wasn't debriefed on a case..."

"No case right now, Garcia."

Came Garcia and Hotch's voices from outside the room. Through the slits in the blinds, Evie saw Garcia's colorful ensemble quickly walking towards them, Hotch's normal black and uniform suit following behind her.

"Is it something on Lawrence?" Morgan's voice came from somewhere out of sight of the window. Evie smiled to herself. Even when they thought she was dead, they were still worried about her.

"...kind of." Hotch answered.

"Good, we could use it. " Rossi's voice joined in as him and Morgan's figures joined Hotch and Garcia in walking towards the round-table room. Spencer squeezed Evie's shoulder and she took a deep breath, not being able to help the small smile creeping up on her lips as the door handle turned. The whole room was at the peak of intensity and anticipation in that split second before the door swung open, revealing the rest of the team in the threshold. Evie wasn't sure what to do while she watched their expressions go from tired and weary to astounded and overjoyed. She just awkwardly twisted her extra hair tie in her hand and nervously smiled at them. Spencer's hand never left her hair, which she was grateful for.

"Um... Um... Okay, okay." Garcia stuttered uselessly, unable to find her words. "I- is this another Emily kind of deal? We were all kept in the dark again for a reason? Is this real? Is it- Oh my God, it's you!" she cried, shuffling across the room as fast as her brightly colored heels would allow. Evie stood and beamed at her friend, letting Penelope encase her in her arms tightly. Garcia just kept mumbling to herself over and over.

"Oh my God, Oh my God, this isn't real..."

As soon as Evie was released from Penelope's grasp, she was instantly found in Morgan's. His strong arms felt like steel encasings around her, but in a warm and comforting way somehow. He laughed his deep, rumbling chuckle that made her smile even more. Days ago she would've thought she'd never hear it again.

"I don't know how, or why, or anything about this really, but I'm damn glad to see you, Lawrence." he said, stepping back just for Rossi to approach, still looking dumbfounded.

"Hey, kid." he said, wrapping an arm around Evie and kissing her cheek in all of his italian-ness. Evie urged herself not to cry at this point, just from the overwhelming sense of happiness and relief that there would be many more moment like this to come.

"How long have you three known?" Morgan asked, though not accusingly towards Hotch, JJ, and Spence who had just been letting everyone else have their moment while they watched fondly from the sidelines.

"They didn't know." Evie cut in immediately. "I um- I just got back yesterday."

Morgan, Garcia, and Rossi all looked at her, confused.

"Got back from where, exactly?" Rossi asked. Evie sat down and sighed.

"I have a lot to tell you."

"And I'm sorry that you don't have the chance to right now." Aaron cut in. All eyes turned to him in confusion.

"We've got a lead on the people who took Evie. We need to jump on it before we lose it." Hotch further explained. "I can debrief everyone more about the situation when on the plane, as well as any questions about Ms. Lawrence if she wants." he added, looking over at Evie.

"Um, yeah." she said, glancing back at Spencer. "Spence and I just need to go home and repack our go-bags..."

"Sorry guys, I'm taking you off the case for this one."

"What?" Spencer instantly demanded.

"Not for good, just for this trip. You could use some time to get everything together again. This isn't a minor change, this is a big deal." he finished calmly, looking between both of them with a look that told both that it wasn't just a suggestion. Evie nodded and with a bit more resistance visible in his eyes, Spencer nodded as well. Evie reached around and grabbed his hand. She felt him relax under her touch as Hotch looked to all other members of the team, giving them instructions on what they needed to do before they left to whatever city held the supposed clue to her captor's location. Evelyn still noticed how the team's eyes kept flickering to her every now and then, however, not completely involved in what Hotch was instructing. She smiled to herself. Things would be weird for a while.

Sorry this was a short one - I'm thinking three more chapters left! Thanks for sticking with me