Chapter 20. Connor: I Never Liked Goodbyes. I Still Don't

Waking up at the crack of dawn sucks.

Especially if you've been awake half of the night before wondering if your crush was going to take off and get away from you the first chance she gets. Even more so if you had to fight off ugly red ants the size of cows and psychotic daughters of the love goddess before that.

Needless to say, I was exhausted. As I lay in my warm and very, very cozy bed, I wondered what woken me up this early. Usually it took an army to get Travis and me out of bed. And it took several hours after that before we were truly up and running. But these days it was a little different. I, of course, would be lying in bed, dreaming while Travis dragged himself out to the strawberry fields where Katie and the rest of her plant-crazy siblings were out tending the gardens. Apparently, that was the best time for 'cultivating nature's gifts'. Or so Katie says anyway.

Either way, I didn't like how this vegetation-obsessed girl was sucking Travis into her little horticultural clique. I mean, she had my idiot of a brother out gardening. Gardening! At daybreak no less! When I demanded to know who this new Travis was and what had he done with my brother, Travis had just smiled, with a dopey look on his stupid face, and said that I didn't understand. Of course I didn't understand! How could I understand why was my brother turning into a child of Demeter? Demeter, I ask you!

This was the reason why Travis's snores, usually serving to shatter the peace in our cabin, were absent. I had always though that I would celebrate the day he stopped snoring his head off but now the silence of the cabin lay heavily on my chest, making every breath a chore, and my skin prickled uncomfortably.

At least it would have if the cabin had been silent.

I jerked awake when I heard a loud thud and looked around wildly. My siblings were all asleep. Nothing wakes the lot of us before breakfast. With a few exceptions, of course, I thought eying Travis's empty bunk. My eyes were automatically drawn to Alva's newly vacated bed. Chiron hadn't been kidding when he said that they moved her stuff. Everything, from Alva's pack, which she carried around everywhere, to the little odds and ends she had collected in her days here, were gone. They had even erased the shape she made on the bed while she slept. There was barely a sign that the girl had ever been there.

I turned my head away, my stomach clenching. In a few days, the half-bloods here will forget all about her anyway. We're a fickle bunch, us campers. It was easy to get us all riled up but after a while we would start forgetting things. I suppose we take after the gods that way. Or maybe people really are like that. Anyway, it took people like Percy to make us remember something for any length of time. Now, he was gone too. I sighed closing my eyes. Percy Jackson was gone, dead, nekrós. How long would it take before we forgot him too, I wondered. How long before the memory of his loyalty, of his ferocity, faded? A week? A month? A year? Or maybe two?

But Annabeth wouldn't forget. I shuddered, remembering the look on her face last night, when Juniper was telling us her story. There was a violent light in eyes, like hope, anger, despair and love all jumbled together. When she had finished, the glow was just gone. It was like Annabeth was just a shell after that. Her analytical eyes hooded, her face impassive, her mouth hard. Annabeth had turned to stone.

Now, Alva was going away too, I thought, running my hands through my hair. I know I won't be forgetting her any time soon. How could I? I never met someone like her before, with her quicksilver eyes, like pieces of moonlight caught between her lashes. With her pale scar, stretching from her hairline to her chin, the remnant of a war that raged her heart. Her high refined cheekbones and the sensual curve of her lip. The flash of vulnerability in her silver eyes when she meets my own plain blue ones. How she looked under the moonlight as she told me her story. The expression on her face last night, with its whirlwind of emotions as she was claimed and accepted, when I said that I would miss her. I sighed. No, I would not forget Alva. Not in a thousand years. But would she forget me?

Probably. What was I compared to any other guy she had met? I had no hypnotic charm, like Ethan, that attracted Alva even with what he did too her. I clenched my fists at the thought. Nico was the one with the shadowy, brooding look that drives girls crazy. I had no talent, unless annoying people is one. Why would she remember me? I was nobody. I hit my head against the back board hard. Feeling sorry for myself wasn't helping either.

"Connor?" Vanessa's voice drew me out of my thoughts. "Are you okay?" She looked nervous, I realized. Probably for more reasons than just this one. She was going on her first quest. I smiled reassuringly at the tiny girl. She was rather endearing with her innocence and naivety. The Hermes cabin had kind of adopted her as a little sister.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I'm fine." I looked at the things strewn on Vanessa's bed. "Packing going well, I see," I remarked dryly. Vanessa flushed, embarrassed, and fidgeted nervously.

"I just don't know where all these things came from!" She swept an arm out at the array of objects around her. "What am I supposed to take?" she asked helplessly.

"Nothing much," I answered, with a sardonic smile. My eyes roved over the cabin as my thoughts turned back to Alva. "Just a change of clothes, money, drachmas and ambrosia. And your sword of course." The synchronized movement of chests rising and falling all around us was rather calming. My siblings had a kind of amity about them in their sleep that could never exist when they were awake.

"Of course," Vanessa mimicked my tone. I smirked. "Except for the fact that I have no money or drachmas or ambrosia." She rolled her eyes to the heavens. I heaved myself up from my bed, still smirking.

"Now, you haven't got a weapon either," I called over my shoulder as I made my way to the Hermes store room. We had a lot of junk stuffed there; maybe I could find something for Vanessa too.

"What do you mean?" Vanessa asked, looking all around her. "I have my sword, it was right –" She broke off, eyes widening with panic as she realized that her weapon was gone.

"Here," I called, holding the little pin up for her to see. I laughed when her eyes narrowed with annoyance as she realized what I had done. "Never, ever, take your eyes of your things. I thought we taught you that already, Vanessa," I teased. And we had too. Vanessa had been tormented by my siblings who never passed an opportunity to prank the girl. Finally, she had just walked around with all of her belongings somewhere about her person. Like that would stop us.

"Apparently, I'm a slow learner," Vanessa muttered annoyed, as she picked up the clutter all around her. I laughed again, a humorless laugh, devoid of warmth. After rummaging in the store room for a while, I emerged victorious with several Camp T-shirts, some jeans, a jacket, and a few Ziploc bags of ambrosia. I remembered how Alva had snitched a bag of ambrosia during Capture the Flag and my stomach twisted again.

"Here," I dumped the stuff on Vanessa's bed. She looked at the pile, surprised. "Chiron will lend you guys some money." Vanessa smiled up at me.

"Thanks," she grinned. I told her not to mention it and walked out of the cabin. Surprise, surprise, Nico was already waiting for her, pacing nervously outside the door.

"Hey," I called. Nico glanced up, eyes widening. His shoulders were tense and his hands were stuffed so deep into his pockets that they would take centuries to be dug out again. He was so tense he was almost quivering.

"Oh," Nico relaxed slightly. "I thought you were –"

"You thought I was your girlfriend?" I laughed at the look of utter mortification on his face. "No offence but yuck!"

"She is not my girlfriend!" Nico growled at me. I just laughed harder. After last night, it was a relief to laugh and I just couldn't stop. Nico stepped towards me threateningly, a dangerous light in his eyes. There was still a little tension between us after he hit Alva. The look on Alva's face when she came too had been painful to watch. It was like I lost her for a while, lost her to the hole in her heart where all of her pain dwelt. Her hair, usually so vibrant, had turned white, almost grey. It was terrifying, the thought that I could lose her so easily. And now she was leaving.

"Stop laughing," Nico hissed. I stopped, feeling my euphoria drain away. We stared at each other for a while. It took all I had not to beat the crap out of him then. Anger was surging through me like a tidal; wave. I wanted to blame this son of Hades for everything. Alva's split lip. Why did the asshole have to hit her? The stupid quest. His fault definitely- he was leading it after all. Percy dying. Why wasn't Nico with him? Nico was supposed to be the only free demigod and all that crap so why the hell wasn't he with Percy when Percy disappeared?

Nico sighed, breaking eye contact with me. Running his hands through his hair, he looked at me out of the corner of his eyes.

"Look, Connor," he began. "About last night, I'm sorry I hit her all right? I didn't mean to … " he trailed off, staring at his scuffed combat boots and shrugged. "She just got in the way."

Something inside me snapped just then. I couldn't hold it in anymore. All that worry and indecision. I mean, I'm a child of Hermes, for crying out loud! I never had to deal with all this shit! Life was supposed to be simple!

Striding towards Nico, I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him towards me. All the other campers were rather afraid of Nico, scared that he would send them to the Underworld with a few mumbled words of his little emo mouth. Right now, I really couldn't care less. He could turn me into a little effing skeleton for all I cared. Of course, the fact that I was a good four inches taller helped a lot.

"You had better make sure she comes back alive you little runt," I hissed in his face. Nico leaned away slightly. I hoisted him up a little higher so he was level with my eyes. "If I find out you laid a finger on her, or if you let her get hurt I will send you to your little castle down there the hard way. You get me?" I growled.

Nico nodded. He didn't look scared of me and I didn't expect him too anyway. What he did look was impressed, like no one had ever stood up to his little Underworld butt. I stepped away, releasing Nico, feeling a little sick. He sure was full of himself, the little runt. Vanessa chose that moment to come bursting through the cabin door, her hair flying.

"I'm ready!" she crowed. "Let's go get those suckers!" She stopped short when she saw Nico and me glaring daggers at each other, her lips forming a surprised 'o'. "Oh. Oh, you guys are busy," Vanessa said slowly. There was an awkward pause as Vanessa looked around helplessly for a way out of the situation. It was rather funny, really.

"Don't bother, V," I said, turning my back to Nico. "I was just leaving anyway." I could feel Nico's glare boring holes into my back as I walked away. Vanessa waved at me half-heartedly. I ignored the both of them, lost in my own murky thoughts.

"Camp was beautiful in the mornings. The grey light of dawn touches all the cabins lightly, like they would break, and made their edges glow magically. The harpies had all but disappeared, leaving behind one of the cleanest places on this side of America. The doors of all the cabins were shut, and the shutters closed. It looked like a place filled with tons of possibilities and nothing concrete. Right then, I knew that anything could happen and I wouldn't be surprised in the least. It just seemed that way. Everything around me; Camp, Vanessa, Nico, Travis, all felt fluid somehow, like they were struggling just to retain the shape they were in. Things were changing, I could feel it.

I altered the direction I was going in, heading for the Hecate cabin. I wasn't about to let Alva leave just like that. I had to her. I had to make sure she wasn't about to bolt the first chance she got. I had to make sure the last time I see her held something important for her to remember so I wouldn't go on cursing myself for the rest of life if something… happened.

Walking towards the Hecate cabin, I could see Travis and Katie in the strawberry fields, surrounded by a ragged line of Demeter kids all furiously plucking berries. Even from a distance it was obvious that Travis was filthy. Dirt caked his hair and arms. There were streaks of mud on his face and clothes. Patches of more dirt were splattered all over his jeans. I winced; I was so not doing his laundry this week. Katie didn't look any better than my brother, but that was normal. Travis held a huge bunch of strawberries over his head and kissed Katie. She threw her head back laughing and threw a ball of mud she had been hiding behind her back at Travis. It certainly added a nice artistic stain of mud on Travis's bright orange T-shirt. Definitely not doing his laundry.

Travis dropped the strawberries, lunging at Katie and wrapping his arms around her waist. They laughed again. Travis and Katie played around in the dirt like a pair of kids, with identical looks of pure joy on their faces, utterly blind to the world. They looked so happy. Katie's siblings watched them, smirking and gathering the strawberries the other weren't ruining with their frolicking.

Standing there, watching my brother enjoy utter and complete bliss made me mad somehow. It wasn't fair. He leaves me to spend my time alone, like some loser, to go off gardening with his girlfriend. Now, he was making a fool of himself and he was happy about it? Maybe I wasn't used to being alone. Maybe I was jealous my brother had a girlfriend and I didn't, however immature that might sound. Or maybe I was just some bitter loser. I don't know but I couldn't take another moment of it.

I stomped off, walking away blindly, somewhere, anywhere to get away from Travis and his girlfriend. I didn't see where I was walking and crashed headfirst into someone. The stranger bounced off my chest, letting loose a colorful array of curses. I looked down, meeting a pair of bright silver eyes, looking into mine accusingly. Alva.

She just stood there, staring at me as I scrambled on the ground, trying to pick up her things, my face burning. I thought of what I said to her last night. 'I'll miss you'. The words bounced around in my skull, replaying over and over until they seemed to have much more meaning than they should. Heart hammering, I quietly handed Alva her pack, not meeting her eyes. Did she know that I meant every word, every syllable? Did she think I was lying? Did she take me seriously? Or maybe she knew how I felt and just didn't care? We just stood there staring at each other for a few moments, staring at each other, wordlessly. I swear my heart newly exploded, it was beating at warp speed. Finally, Alva spoke.

"Hey," her voice was low, tremulous. I felt like I always did when I heard her voice, like I could run anywhere blindfolded to her guided just by that sound. I swallowed, feeling my shoulders slump with relief. She didn't hate me. At least not yet.

"Hey, I replied then cursed in my head. Hey? Hey? What kind of greeting was hey? It wasn't even hey-I-like-you-hey, or hey-don't-disappear-forever-hey. It was just a stupid 'hey'. Meaningless. Moron! Idiot! She was going to leave and all I could say was 'hey'? Where had all my profound thought gone?

"Where are you going?" Alva asked, softly. I understood her curiosity. We were behind the Aphrodite cabin, in a little alcove created when the Ares cabin had 'accidentally' messed up the construction and the Nyx and Nike cabins had ended up forming a triangle of sorts with the Aphrodite cabin. It was a dangerous place for people like me who are constantly pranking Aphrodite. Any one of them could be watching us right now, ready to spring a trap and we wouldn't know it.

"I was going to see you actually," I told Alva and watched as her hair turned a bright red from the auburn it was in. I loved it when that happened. It gave me hope that somehow, somewhere in her heart, Alva wasn't as impassive as she seemed. Maybe I wasn't a nobody after all. Maybe. Just maybe.

"Well, you found me," she mumbled, looking away, playing with the strap of her pack. She couldn't seem to look me in the eye again. I stood there, watching her intently, eyes trailing over her features. I had watched her so often, from far and near that I had her face memorized. I knew it better than the back of my hand. My mind began playing out the scenes I had only dreamt would ever happen; me cupping my hands around Alva's face and lifting it up so all she could see was me. Tracing her scar, feeling her shiver. Standing so close, I wouldn't be able to tell which breath was mine and which was hers. Felling her soft skin underneath mine as I held her close to me, touching her carefully, like she was porcelain. Running my fingers in her choppy hair and watch them become the scarlet locks I loved so much. And finally, feeling her lips underneath mine. My breath hitched at the thought. I wanted so many things. I wanted to so much. But Alva needed something else. And I hadn't the slightest idea what it was.

"Alva," My voice was hoarse as I stepped slightly closer to her. "Alva, you know you can count on me, right?" My voice was low and I was more serious than I had ever been before; trying to convey my sincerity, my honesty. I wanted her to believe me. I needed her to believe me. Alva nodded mutely. I stood there as a war raged in my heart, in my head.

I shouldn't do it.
You should.
I could get hurt.
It'll be worth it.
She might not like it.
You don't know that.
She might hate me.
You don't know that either.
Travis will laugh his butt off.
So?
I can't.
You can.

I breathed in deeply, praying to Aphrodite to give me just one chance and I'll never prank her cabin again. At least, no major pranks, I can't promise a complete stop. Gathering all my courage, I stepped closer to Alva, so close; our skin grazed against each other and I swear there were sparks dancing on our skin. I swallowed and looked down to meet her eyes, which were wide open with surprise. I could feel her shock as her hair turned orange. I could sense her fear. But her eyes held something else, and that something gave me hope.

I placed a trembling hand on her neck, my thumb right on her vein. I could feel her every heartbeat reverberating through me like a drum. At that moment, there was no Alva, there was no me. We were connected, the barriers between us dissipating. I pressed my forehead to hers, and closed my eyes. Alva stood there, paralyzed. I had lost all control I had and ran a finger lightly over her scar. She shivered, her breath dancing on my skin. I was about to explode, I wanted her so much. I bent my head down to hers, our lips just an inch apart.

Alva placed both her hands on my chest. I could feel her shaking. She pushed me back. I didn't fight her as she untangled herself from me. I couldn't. It was my fault. I went too far, too fast. I looked at Alva, her shiny eyes, glittering.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and turned her back to me. Without looking back, Alva walked away, leaving me alone in the dark alcove. I felt like hitting my head against a wall. I felt like running after her and just kissing her. I felt like throwing myself off the nearest cliff. I didn't know what to do. I felt like the world' largest moron. Someone should just hang a sign on me saying 'Heartbroken Idiot'. That should say it all.

Behind me, there came a sound of someone applauding. I turned around, fearing the worst. Sure enough, Jenna was standing there, a sick look of triumph on her face. I groaned mentally, I so wasn't in the mood right now. Jenna sashayed towards me, her eyes flashing that creepy emerald. She looked different in the dark somehow. I squinted, staring at her trying to make out what was different, and then I saw it.

An emerald light pulsed around Jenna, flickering slightly like a faulty lamp. It was terrifying and inhuman. I took two steps back, shocked and then took another for good measure. Jenna sneered, her prosthetic perfect features twisting. She really wouldn't look out of place in a horror movie. Preferably the one with those scary plastic dolls in them.

"What's the matter, Connor?" Jenna crooned. "Heartbroken?" She smiled coyly, flipping her hair back. "Don't worry there are plenty of other fish in the sea. " I back-pedaled even further, not even trying to come up with a respond for that comment. I felt bile rising up in my throat. Jenna threw her head back and laughed. Chills ran down my spine.

"Anyway, Connor," Jenna's smiled turned sardonic. "Why do you look so afraid of me? Have you finally realized the heights of passion I create in you?" I groaned, she was crazy. Utterly and completely raving mad. "Or," Jenna continued, her eyes flashing maliciously. "Have you realized something you shouldn't have?" Something in her eyes made me freeze in my tracks.

Memory came rushing back. Jenna had manipulated Travis and me into spraying shin paint at seeming random places in the woods. The paint had then turned out to be bait for Myremekes, huge cow-sized ants that loved shiny things and ate meat, preferably human. And Jenna had masterminded the plan. She had almost killed Alva and Vanessa. She wanted to kill them. She nearly succeeded. I met Jenna's eyes shocked. They were an all-out glowing green now. She bared her teeth.

"Remember, Connor," she crooned softly, "We don't one any of our secrets spilling out now, do we?" Anger flooded through me. Who the hell did this girl think she was?

"We don't share any secrets," I snarled and turned to leave before her next words froze me in my tracks.

"Ah, but do we," Jenna chuckled softly and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. "After all, only the two of us know how you mother really died, right Connor?" My blood turned to eyes. Beads of sweat formed on my head and upper lip. I felt my hands began to shake. My breath heaved. Fear paralyzed me as I thought of my mother. I closed my eyes, remembering the crashes and the yells and finally, that one drawn out scream. I had stopped having those nightmares years ago. And now, Jenna brought it back just with a few casual words. "Think about that," Jenna whispered and twitched her way out of the alcove.

I was left alone with a broken heart and chaotic mind; alone with my fears and my terrors.

I was alone.

Alone.

I'm baaack! Haha, anyway, review, please do, its for you! Oh and if anyone's curious, the horror movie with plastic dolls I was talking about was Chuck. The one where that doll goes around murdering people. I hope you liked it! Tell me!

Nekrós
(dead)

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