I have to be honest with you guys, this fanfic is no longer going to be updated.
Let me explain why. The first reason is that I'm a college student, I started my classes already and I just don't have time anymore. There's a lot of effort and time investment in trying to get good grades in college and I have a lot to read and a lot to study and a lot of essay writing and spending time with my classmates. I don't even have time to play the game anymore (goodbye perki weap).
But the second and more important reason is that I don't like this fanfic anymore. And that's because this is not the story that I wanted to write. I started writing it with a very clear concept, I knew what I wanted from it and I knew exactly what I wanted to do, but along the way I started to doubt myself too much, I started to worry about the things that I thought YOU wanted too much and censoring myself. This story should have been so much different.
I wanted to make a more deep, complex plot. I wanted to make Add and Ara's relationship develop in a more realistic way, I wanted it to take time and be based on experiences shared and getting to know each other on a deeper way and warming up to each other more and not rush it as much as I did (even though it took several chapters for them to actually do something). I wanted to work on the plot a lot more, on the Ran issue, on the demons invasion issue, on Add's backstory issue, on the castle being enchanted issue, on Ara's and the elgang relationship issue, on Elesis anger and suspicions issues, all of that. I wanted to take my time to make it a good, solid story with mystery and deeper meanings and a realistic way of showing emotions and how the characters dealt with what was happening. But I started worrying too much.
I like really extensive and detailed writing, but I thought no one would like that. I thought you would get bored if I extended things too much and if nothing actually happened in too much time. My boyfriend read the chapters before I published them, and a lot of times he told me that it was okay but that there was no action happening. So I thought 'people is going to get bored of this', so I started to rush it a bit more and ended up not developing the story the way I wanted and it just stopped making sense. I wanted to take my time to set the right environment for events to take place, to take my time to show the characters emotions, to set the right atmosphere for the story, for it to actually make sense. For example, when Elesis showed up at the party to accuse Add, it looked as if I had suddenly thought 'oh shit, there's this thing with Elesis going on I should add it, I totally forgot', but that wasn't the case at all. I had planned how I wanted it to happen, I knew it had to be right after Add and Ara had had their first romantic exchange, just that it should have been a lot deeper into the story, so I could set the background well enough for it to be believable and actually important to the story. But I ended up rushing it and it just felt plain stupid.
The only thing I wanted to do was to create something interesting and complex, something that would stay with you after you had finished reading it. I wanted to make it so you could feel what they were feeling, experience the tension, the despair, the fear, the passion, experiment the emotions and the atmosphere that were set in the story. But I started to worry that you would find it boring, that if I didn't put some action in there you would lose interest, that if I didn't make the story advance more dramatically it would get boring. The big reveal of the situation behind the castle and where the demons were coming from wasn't supposed to be solved so quickly, but all the studying Add and Ara were doing together had been extending for too long and I thought that you were probably sick of it already. I forced myself to write things I thought you would like and enjoy, and just stopped enjoying writing it myself.
I stopped writing what I wanted to make, I stopped doing what I wanted, I stopped doing it for MY enjoyment. It's just not something that I can feel proud of, it almost feels like it's not my story at all. I still fantasize sometimes with the story, the one I actually wanted to make, and I really love it. But it's just so different now, the story I wrote in this page has nothing to do with what I had imagined anymore. I started to worry about the characters too, about Add being way too out of character even though I knew the story was set in an AU where he was a socialite and aristocratic vampire, I received a lot of complains for Ara's character too, so I tried changing her even though she was my interpretation of the character and ended up hating her myself with the things I changed.
I thought about remaking the story from scratch, the way I wanted it to be, to write it for me to feel proud of what I create, but who would want to read the kind of story I want to write? And the people who already followed this story won't want to read it from the start anyway. So this is it.
This is not the story I wanted to make, and I am really sorry for that.
Thanks a lot to the people that reviewed, or sent private messages, or followed me and favorited me or the story. You have no idea how much it means to me. It warmed up my heart every time I read a review. And a big shout out to nanashimai too, because you were such a loyal and sweet reader, I loved seeing your reviews and you're such an incredibly kind person, thanks a lot.
Thank you for everything, and I'm sorry.