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Chapter Two - Aftermath

An elder once told him, "All that protects the heart is a bandage of rib bones." Sam laughed at him at the time. He told him he was a broken-hearted fool and scoffed at his insistence that one day he would understand. What did Sam know about loss? He had Leah, then Emily. His whole world had been filled with women who loved him unconditionally or unrequitedly for as long as he knew girls existed. Now, he knew better. He was the fool. The old man was wise.

Sam could feel the bandages straining around Paul's heart with every beat it took. Hell, he felt them with every beat of his own. He felt every sob, every quiver, and every breath Paul inhaled since the day Rachel died. Sam, had five long months of waking up in cold sweats, screaming another woman's name. It had been 181 days of absolute agony.

Emily, well, she seemed to understand. She quietly watched how Sam's eyes darted to the corner before he kissed her hello. Paul had not shifted back once since Rachel died. He curled up in a tight ball and stuffed himself behind the couch as far away from any light source as possible. He ate only when Sam had Carlisle force a tube down his throat. At first, both packs had to hold him still while the good doctor worked. Eventually, they didn't have to hold him down anymore. All the anger, all the rage, everything that made him Paul, was gone.

Sam's pack, they lost their spirit along with Paul. All of them were varying degrees of depressed. When they patrolled, their tails and heads hung low. They took to walking softly and slowly when Sam didn't prod them along. About a week after the accident, they came upon the place where Rachel died. They inspected the area, pinned their ears back, dropped their tails, and howled. It took about six weeks before they stopped returning to the place, wandering about in a figure-eight, as if searching for her there.

It took longer for the smell of the blood to fade.

Jacob's pack seemed to be faring better. There was still something off, something not quite right in the way they held themselves. It just wasn't to the same extent as the others. It was as though Paul's taint only leaked through to Seth, Leah, Embry and Quil when the weak connection between the Alphas was opened.

Emily grew restless in her day-to-day routine. There was an unexpected vacation from her kitchen. The boys made an effort at first to at least pop in for a visit or two here and there. However, after a week or so, they just couldn't handle the anxiety anymore. They shied away from the sorrow that radiated outward from Paul.

The imprinted pack members couldn't bear to leave their mates for extended periods of time. Even a few hours away from Claire left Quil a sweating, swearing, angst-ridden mess. Jared wouldn't come within thirty feet of Sam's place and had been dodging everyone for weeks.

He's being an idiot. It's not his fault Kim survived. Sam walked noiselessly through the woods. Blame it on fate, on God, on whatever deity you worship. It was no one's fault.

It was time that it ended. In order to heal, they had to face each other. Paul could no longer be avoided. If they didn't reach him soon they would lose him. Sam could feel his hold weakening a little bit more each day. Besides, Emily wanted to 'feed the army', so to speak. She missed her role as den mother, and Sam, well; he could never deny Emily anything she wanted.

Brady, gather everyone up and bring them all to my house. It's time we shared a meal. Sam felt Brady phase out of link. He knew it was only a matter of time before he managed to get all the guys together. The only one Brady wouldn't reach was Jared. His second-in-command had stopped phasing weeks ago and had become a master of avoiding everyone, except for Sam.

At the edge of Forks, Sam phased, drew on his jeans, and walked swiftly toward the town diner. Jared's shoulders tensed as he felt him enter and stand behind him.

"Isn't there someplace else you need to be?"

"That's kind of stating the obvious, isn't it, Sam?" Jared absently picked at his food. "We all need to be somewhere. The question is, do we actually want to be there?"

"Don't be an idiot, Jared. Emily just wants everyone over for dinner." Sam heaved a sigh, leaning back on the counter. He couldn't sit still, grabbing the nearest something or other to fidget with. Jared watched Sam's hands carefully as he manipulated a knife around his fingertips. "She misses you. And you know what Emily wants_" Jared broke in midsentence, his gaze burning holes in the counter top.

"Emily usually gets. I know that, Sam. I already know all about it, believe me. It's the same with Kim." Jared sighed, "Not this time, okay? I can't be in the same room with him yet. Besides, I just ate." He shifted his attention to the glass of water on his right. After taking a long pull he gently set it down before standing. "Kim is expecting me. I need to get going or she'll worry." He leapt up, eager to get away.

Sam barely hesitated before he followed him outside. He felt the worn cotton of Jared's t-shirt rip in his trembling hands as he threw him up against the wall of the diner. "You will go to dinner," Sam growled, "You will smile and you will pretend to enjoy it! So help me, Jared, if you so much as look at the clock, I will rip your eyes out!" Sam's whole body was shaking. He was filled with a rage so hot, he was sure his hands blistered Jared's skin.

"Fine, yes, okay Sam!" Jared's eyes were huge. He couldn't get the words out fast enough before he sprinted off in the direction of Sam's house. His car was long forgotten in his haste to escape.

Escape from me! Sam scowled. Jared's fear aggravated him further. He was terrified of me.

Sam cursed Paul. The strange link between them was starting to overwhelm him at times. It took everything Sam had to stop from phasing in the diner parking lot. It was frustrating, feeling Paul's personality taking him over. It was one hell of an inconvenient side effect from whatever magic he had worked the day Rachel died. One he definitely didn't like.

Goddammit, why could Paul never control his temper? Sam spent a great deal of time deep in thought as he slowly made his way back home. He couldn't afford to be out of sorts. Both packs would be there tonight. He needed to be in full control.

Quil was playing Go Fish with Claire when Sam arrived. He smiled at the girlish laughter that filled his home. Something was different though. He raised his head and sniffed, testing the air. His eyes flickered to the corner.

"God, Quil, would you grow up for ten seconds? Come sit at the big boy table?" Leah was back to being her usual self. She had regained, overnight, the hard edge that had started to fade before Rachel's death. They had been close.

"Claire, sweetie, ear muffs." Quil screwed up his face. "Leah, stop being a bitch. If I wanted to know what you thought, I'd ask you."

"You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing." She smiled and hung her legs lazily over the side of the couch.

"Leah, you can be so…. No, forget it. I'm not getting dragged into this again."

"Oh, come on, Quil, What's your cry baby whiny-boy opinion?"

"Leah, why can't you stop being so aggravating?" Jacob rolled his eyes. "It's not helping anyone's stress level."

"Stress." Sam slammed the door behind him. "Since when do any of you know what real stress is?"

Emily came quickly out of the kitchen. She wiped her hands on her apron. "Sam, enough. Dinner is ready." She smiled at the gathered group. Emily was in her element again. "Last one to the dining room has to do the dishes." She was nearly trampled in their rush to the table.

Dinner was fairly uneventful. They ate. They fought over scraps. Hell, they even bantered a little. Once the table was cleared, Sam stood at the head. His eyes twitched again to the pile of fur in the corner. Something felt off. He put it at the back of his mind. He couldn't afford to be distracted by Paul anymore.

"I'm glad you're all here. There are some things I would like to discuss. This tie to Paul is dragging me down. It's getting to the point where I don't want to get out of bed anymore." His eyes were downcast, veiled with doubt. "The only difference between him and me is I do get out of bed. I do face the world. I haven't been a good Alpha to my pack. I haven't tried hard enough to keep us from drifting apart, and for that I'm sorry. Jared won't even phase with us anymore." Sam paused. "I think maybe I should pass you all to Jacob. I don't know if it's healthy for you to be linked to me."

The hairs on the back of Jacob's neck stood on end. He shook his head. "Absolutely not, Sam. I can't be tied to La Push. My life is with Renesmee now. You know that. This has been hard on all of us. My father-" Jacob broke off midsentence. His throat closed around the words.

Jared looked up, with tears in his eyes. He had felt the accident as soon as it happened. He had felt that Kim was hurt. It was all he could do to get to her. "Sam, you should see Kim. She feels so guilty. She shouldn't have had to see. When I got there, what I saw, it's burned in my memory." His jaw muscles jumped as he considered his words. "There's a reason I haven't phased with you all. I didn't know if he'd be able to see. Paul, he shouldn't have to see. None of you should." Jared ripped his hands through his hair. "Rachel must have hit that black-tailed buck dead on the driver's side." He covered his eyes as if trying to block the image seared there. "Her head, it was gone, Sam. She was in the front seat. Her head was in the back. I-"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" A naked Paul sobbed as he threw himself on top of Jared, fists flying. They all stared in shock. The packs had gotten so used to treating him like he wasn't there. They hadn't noticed his leap. It took almost all of them to tear him off of Jared before he killed him. "Oh, God! Rachel! Oh God!"

They all stood in silence, watching their broken pack member. They lamented that they could not close their ears with as much ease as they could their eyes.

For the second time in so many months Sam held Paul in his arms as he wept.