Aaaand another chapter. Sorry for the long break again. Obviously, the Hawk doesn't like to talk about this time in his life ...

Note: I'll be on vacation for a few weeks, so I don't know how much writing I'll get done but I'll try my best to update. :)

My First, My Last, My Everything

Of course, the Hawk was up on the roof, perched near the edge, his arms resting on his knees. He was looking out over the city and didn't move but Tony knew his presence had been noted.

He slowly approached him.

It was cool out here. A slight breeze carried the sounds and smells of the city up to the roof.

"I think I'll call you Gabriel from now on", Tony said when he stopped next to the Hawk.

The archer glanced at him.

"Yeah, you know –"
Tony put his hands on the sill the other man was perched on.
"The way you're sitting there, you really look like Gabriel from that movie. 'The Prophecy'."

The Hawk snorted but didn't comment.

Tony turned to look the same way he did and leaned forward. The cool breeze felt good on his face.

Somewhere in the vicinity, the siren of a police car went off.

He wanted to talk. There were so many things he wanted to ask. Why the archer had left so suddenly, for example. He didn't know how to start, though. Under different circumstances, it would have been hilarious. Tony Stark at a loss for words – wasn't that really unheard of?

In the end, he decided to take the direct approach.

"Why did you run away?" he asked.

The Hawk glanced at him.
"Why do you think I ran away?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it was how you just walked out of the room and were gone without telling anyone where you were going or how long you'd be gone. Or how no one could find you – not even Fury, Mr. Super-Spy of Super-Spies."
Tony realized he sounded a lot more upset than he had meant to.
"Goddammit, we were worried about you. I was worried about you."

Which really said a lot because he wasn't usually one to worry about stuff.

The Hawk lowered his head and closed his eyes.
"I know", he said. "I'm sorry. I –"

"Let me guess: It's complicated."
Tony did his best to keep the sharpness out of his voice.

It was a well-known fact of life, after all, that things were never easy. It really wasn't the Hawk's fault. Tony also knew that there weren't always answers. He still hoped he would get some.

The archer turned his head to look at him.

"It's also a kinda long story", he said.

Tony shrugged.
"If you want a drink to go along with your story, I think there's some beer in the fridge."

The Hawk laughed.
"Maybe later."
He grew serious again.
"Well, you've been warned."

He didn't start immediately, though. It probably took him a while, Tony assumed, to sort his thoughts. He didn't mind. As far as he was concerned, they had all the time in the world. Besides, as long as the Hawk kept talking, he wouldn't be going anywhere, right?

"So – as you already know I ran away and joined a circus when I was a kid. That's where I learned how to shoot – guy named Trickshot took me under his wing. Also taught me some acrobatics."

Tony nodded. He had assumed as much.

"What happened?" he asked.

The Hawk shrugged.
"Life, I guess. Everything was okay for a while. Then, one day, I found out they were screwing me over in every way you can probably imagine. So I – left."

Tony would have bet his Ferrari it hadn't been quite as quick and easy as that – neither for the archer nor the others involved. He didn't say anything, though.

"I didn't know what to do next, what with my kinda patchy education and all. So I went and joined the army. That worked out really well."
The Hawk's voice was dripping with sarcasm. He gave Tony an amused glance.
"Obviously, I got a problem with authority figures."

Tony laughed.
"No kidding."

"Yeah, well, except for guys like Coulson or Fury. Let's put it like this: I got a problem with following orders from people that don't seem to know what they're talking about."

"Same here", Tony said and frowned. "Only that I don't follow orders at all, actually. Well, except Pepper's. But I don't like those army-types, either. Except for Rhodey, that is. He's okay."

The Hawk nodded.
"Yeah, some of those guys are. Too few, though."

"Hey, tell you what: I'll introduce you to Rhodey. And I'll tell him to bring his suit."

"What, he's got one, too?"

"Yup. With a few extras."

The Hawk raised his eyebrows in a silent question.

Tony shook his head.
"You'll see."

At least, he hoped so. Maybe the promise of introducing him to Rhodey and his suit was enough to make the archer consider returning to the tower with Tony. Or at least, to visit them, now and then. Just because the man had decided to pack his stuff and leave, that didn't mean he'd have to disappear from their lives completely, did it?

You're grasping at straws, a tiny voice whispered at the back of his mind.

He ignored it.

"What happened next?" he asked to get the Hawk back on track. "Did you join SHIELD?"

"No. That came later. First, I found myself looking for a job. Of course, people weren't exactly falling over each other to offer me one. At least, not the kind of job I was looking for. So I just had to take what I could get."
The Hawk shifted a little. If Tony hadn't known he could perch like this for hours, he would have thought the man looked just a little uncomfortable.
"At first, it was just stuff like keeping a lookout or driving the getaway car or things like that. Then, break-ins. Surveillance. Then, someone noticed how good I was with a bow and arrow – or a sniper rifle. That was when people started to hire me to kill other people. I never asked and I didn't really care, either. Just got the jobs done as fast as possible."

The look he gave Tony clearly was a challenge. Tony obviously was supposed to be horrified or something like that. Thing was – he wasn't.

"If you want me to tell you what a cold-blooded bastard you are, you're looking at the wrong man", he said. "I'm the guy people used to call the Merchant of Death, remember? And they did so for a very good reason."

Fact was, they all had more than just a little blood on their hands. Only some of them, like Rogers, for example, had an easier time to justify it to themselves than others. Rogers had been killing people who, as every sane person would agree, had been bad guys. Tony didn't want to know how many innocent people had been killed by weapons he had come up with.

A second, longer look hit him, then the Hawk turned away again.

"Anyways – those kill-jobs got me on SHIELD's radar", he continued. "I didn't know, then, but Coulson told me later the only reason they didn't approach me was because they couldn't make up their mind whether to recruit me or kill me."
The corners of his mouth curved upward slightly.
"They even might have managed to have me killed, you know? I was good, back then, but not as good as I'm now. Way too full of myself. You know how, when you're young and good at something, you feel like you're invincible?"

Tony nodded. He remembered when he had been young enough to feel like that. Heck, he'd always been feeling like that – right until he had realized he was slowly dying of palladium-poisoning and there was nothing he could do about it. Because the one thing that was slowly killing him also was the one thing that kept him alive. He resisted the urge to reach up and touch his arc reactor. He had managed to fix that, hadn't he?

"So that's how you got into being an assassin", he said to stop himself from thinking about it any further. "But how did you get into SHIELD? And pardon my frankness but what the hell does all of that have to do with you running away a good month ago?"

The Hawk smirked and opened his mouth to answer. Tony raised his hand to stop him.

"Right, I swear if you go all Yoda on me now and tell me that 'patience he must learn', I'll push you off the roof."

"You're right. I'm stalling. Sorry 'bout that. It's just –"
Again, the Hawk shifted slightly.
"Well, it's not easy to talk about this."

"You don't have to", Tony pointed out.

"But I want to."
The Hawk took in a deep breath.
"Right. Basically, I ran away because of Bobbi."

"Bobbi?"

"My wife."

Tony blinked.

Wait a second. Did he just say –

No. He must have misheard that. Surely, the Hawk hadn't said "wife" but rather "girlfriend" or something like that.

"Excuse me, but did you just say that you're married?" he asked just to make sure.

"Was."

"Ah."

Something stopped Tony from enquiring further. He had a feeling he was going to learn more anyways.

"That's why I told you all that other stuff", the Hawk went on. "Cos you gotta know what kind of person I was, back then, to understand the rest."
The Hawk took in another deep breath.
"Right. There was this job. They got me into a security company cos they needed me to get close to someone who wasn't easily accessible otherwise. That's where I met Bobbi. The company partnered her with me to show me the ropes and, well …"

Tony smiled.

"You liked her, huh?" he said when the Hawk didn't continue.

The archer nodded.
"Quite a lot, actually. There was something about her …"
He shook his head.
"Before I knew what was happening, I was head over heels in love with her. And she with me – or rather, the person she thought I was. So the only right thing to do was to tell her the truth, wasn't it? About who I really was and why I had started to work for her company. I fully expected her to walk out on me but you know what? She didn't."
The Hawk smiled now, too. His gaze was still directed at the city but Tony could tell he didn't actually see any of it.
"Instead, she told me that if I wanted to get out, it was up to me. So that was what I did. I left, just like that. And she came with me. I tried to cover our tracks as well as I could. Somewhere along the way, we got married. – No, not in Vegas, stop grinning, Stark."

Tony ignored the glare he got. He grew serious again.
"You said she was your wife – that means at some point she – well, stopped being your wife, doesn't it?"

The Hawk didn't answer.

"What happened, Feathers?" Tony asked.

"We found a place that was large enough so that new arrivals wouldn't draw too much attention but small enough that I'd notice if someone appeared to be watching us. Or so I thought. For about a year or so, everything was just fine. I even found a job. Then, one day, I came home and found Bobbi at the bottom of the stairs, dead. Her neck was broken. Of course, they all thought it had been an accident. That she had tripped and fallen. But I knew that wasn't what had happened. Someone had found us and killed her."

That last part had come out in a rush, as if the Hawk wanted to get it over with as fast as possible.

Tony didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. That he was sorry? Well, he didn't have to tell him that, did he? And anything else would have been just the same meaningless crap people usually spouted on such occasions.

The archer didn't speak, either. He had both his arms wrapped around his knees and was resting his chin on them.

The city below was relatively quiet. No more sirens in the distance, only the sounds of traffic.