Sorry this one took so long. I'm working on several stories at once right at the moment and they kinda - well, keep blocking out each other. But I still hope I'll finish the other two within reasonable time. Anyways - enjoy!

Christine 2.0

One week passed, then another one. Tony missed almost every single meal. Bruce showed up more frequently but no matter what trick Clint used - and he knew a few - he wouldn't talk about what was going on in Tony's workshop. Clint tried to recruit Tasha's help but she outright refused, telling him that whatever was happening to his car was his own fault for being stupid enough to let Stark get his hands on it.

He did manage to hack into the Tower's security system. Since he wasn't anywhere near as good as Tasha at that kind of thing, however, he only caught a glimpse of the workshop before Jarvis told him politely but firmly that he was to log out of the security system at once or suffer the consequences. Knowing Tony, that probably meant that some strange, mysterious accident would happen to Clint's bow, so Clint decided to cooperate. Besides, he had seen quite enough to know he better start looking for a new car.

Christine had been in pieces. Well, as far as he'd been able to see. Basically, just an empty shell. No seats, no tires, the engine had been ripped out, too … He so was gonna get Tony for this. He just wasn't sure, yet, what exactly to do to the man but he was sure he would come up with something, sooner or later. He was used to waiting.

Three days later, he got a message from Jarvis that Tony wanted him in his workshop. About Christine, no doubt.

Clint considered refusing. Chances were that Tony and Bruce hadn't managed to put his car back together again and he really could do without seeing it in pieces again.

On the other hand - what better opportunity to see the genius-playboy-billionaire-philanthropist squirm? It didn't happen all too often. It was almost worth losing his car. Almost.

When Clint entered the workshop, he found Tony and Bruce standing on either side of what obviously was Christine, covered with a silvery kind of sheet. The kind he had seen covering new car-types when they were presented to the public for the first time.

Tasha, Steve and Thor were there, too, hovering in the background.

Clint frowned.
"You were all in on this?" he asked.

Tasha just raised her eyebrows. Thor smiled while both Tony and Bruce were beaming brighter than the sun on a spring morning. Only Steve had the grace to shift a little on his feet and look away.

Clint glared at the group and folded his arms across his chest.
"You do realize you owe me a new car, right?"

"Oh, we'll get you one", Tony said with a big grin. "But only if you're really, really sure you don't want the old one back."

And with that, he pulled the sheet off the car.

Clint dropped his arms and stared.

This couldn't be his car.

Right, so it was the same model as Christine, that much he could see. And the license plates were the same - albeit cleaned - but Christine had never ever looked like this, not even when he gave her a thorough cleaning. This car here was all black and shiny, with a broad purple streak running along the side.

"As you can see, we gave her a complete make-over", Tony went on. "New finish, new tyres, new interior."

"Why don't you take a closer look?" Bruce suggested.

And since it was Bruce, Clint did indeed step closer. Because he really wanted to get a good look at the new seats he could barely make out from where he was standing. They looked like leather.

Suddenly, the car's headlights flashed - like they would if you unlocked a car with one of those keyless remotes.

Clint jumped back a step. And jumped even more, when there was a voice, coming from the car.

"Good morning, Mr. Barton. It's a real pleasure to finally meet you. If you allow me to say so - I'm your biggest fan."

Absolute, complete silence followed this short speech. The only thing to be heard were six people breathing.

Clint blinked.
"Uh, Tony ..."

"Yes?"

"Why does my car sound like that psycho from 'Misery'?"

Tony nudged Bruce in the side.
"Told you he'd recognize the voice."

Clint glared at him.

Tony grew serious again - well, as serious as he was going to get under these circumstances.
"She sounds like Annie Wilkes because Christine the car doesn't have a voice of her own and so, we asked Kathy Bates to do the voice-recordings for Christine."

"Voice-recordings. For a car."
Clint looked from Tony to the car and back to Tony.

Tony nodded.
"You see, the idea was to try to build another K.I.T.T. - you do know 'Knight Rider', don't you?"

"Yeah. That show with - the talking car that could do all kinds of things."
Clint stared at his car.
"You're not saying she can do all those things, are you?"

Tony laughed.
"Of course she can. That and more."
He stepped around the car.
"She can go on auto-pilot, she's bullet-proof - the tyres as well - she's got a stealth mode …"

"She can learn", Bruce added. "Just like Jarvis."

"And she's programmed to recognize you so that it's impossible to steal her", Tony went on. "Or borrow her. You can add a list of persons who got your permission to drive her, though."

Clint didn't know what to say. "Holy shit!" didn't seem entirely appropriate. He finally settled for one single word.

"Why?"

Tony shrugged.
"Well, I don't do birthday cards, so -"

"Yes, it's gotta be more spectacular than that with you, right?"
Bruce laughed and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Nothing wrong with spectacular", Tony countered. "Right, Feathers?"

"Just a moment." Clint was still stuck on Tony's answer. "What do you mean, you don't do birthday cards?"

"Just that: I don't do birthday cards. I prefer giving people presents."
Tony frowned.
"C'mon, Feathers, don't tell me you forgot."

"Forgot what?" Clint asked.

"Forgot your own birthday!"

"Oh."
Clint blinked.
"That's - today? Really?"

He wasn't used to celebrating his birthday. Or even remembering it. It never had seemed particularly important.

Tasha smirked at Tony.
"See? Told you so."

Tony shook his head.
"Really, Feathers …"