"Hogsmeade is not a right, it is a privilege," stated McGonagall firmly. She was addressing the third years in front of the school on a cold and blustery autumn morning. Most of them had wrapped themselves up with various levels of clothing topped off with warm woollen hats. The older students had already left to go to the village but since it would be the first official time that the third years were allowed off of school grounds, the Deputy Headmistress through it necessary to give them a talk about their behaviour.

"When you are in Hogsmeade you are representatives of Hogwarts," she informed them with her arms grasped behind her back, "as such, you should behave as you do within in the school. That is to say, how you are suppose to behave in school." She clarified once she reminded herself that she was talking to a group that contained Fred and George.

"Over the years," she continued, "this school has had a very close relationship with the village of Hogsmeade and we would like to continue to be welcome there. So there will be no misbehaving," her eyes fell on the twins for this portion of the talk, "no mischief, no pranks, no running amuck, basically do not be doing anything in Hogsmeade that you wouldn't want to be caught doing in Hogwarts. Now, if you would all follow me."

McGonagall pulled a green tartan hat over her hair making sure it kept her ears warm and then headed off in the direction the older students had gone previously. The group of third years fell into line behind her, chatting excitedly to each other as they made their way to the only completely non-muggle village in Great Britain.

"I don't know why she was looking at us when she said that," complained Fred as he George and Lee brought up the rear of the group.

"I know," added George, "we've been to Hogsmeade plenty of times and we've never got into any trouble."

"Well, there was that stuff last year with Enoch and those Sect of Kai guys," admitted Lee.

"Oh we were nearly killed but we've nearly been killed plenty of times at Hogwarts so it's not as if we were doing anything different," countered Fred.

"You know, in some weird way that actually makes sense," said Lee.

"What's Montague going on about now?" muttered George as the voice of one of the Slytherins' filtered back to them.

"Of course I'm surprised that more Slytherins haven't moved to Hogsmeade," commented Montague "my family moved there generations ago and haven't looked back."

"Are there really no muggles at all?" asked one of the Slytherin girls walking along side him.

"Well, that's not strictly true I suppose," admitted Montague, "what I mean to say is that in Hogsmeade we don't have to hide the truth from the muggles. There are a few in the village that have married wizards or witches so there is the odd muggle about the place; I suppose someone has to keep the streets clean. Unfortunately it didn't turn into a place only for purebloods as my ancestors had initially hoped when they moved there but I suppose it's the best that can be managed under the circumstances."

"'The best that can be managed under the circumstances.' Can you believe that idiot?" said Lee shaking his head.

"He is a Slytherin," said George as a way of explanation, "so it's hardly his fault he is an idiot, he was born that way."

"Have you got something to say about Slytherins?" asked Montague who'd clearly heard George's comment.

"I have plenty of things to say about them," admitted George shrugging.

"Such as?" Montague had stopped, as had his group of hangers-on.

"Well for a start…"

Before he could finish his sentence, McGonagall was already striding towards them with a stern look on her face. It was as though she had a sixth sense when it came to trouble brewing. She quickly ushered the three Gryffindor students towards the front of the procession, much to their annoyance seeing as they were now firmly under her watchful eye.

The students finally made in into Hogsmeade and the majority of them quickly found themselves excitedly rushing between the various shop windows trying to work out which one to go into first. Fred, George and Lee, however, confidently strode towards the Three Broomsticks, pushed open the door and stepped into the warm building.

"What are you doing here?" asked Madam Rosmerta. She'd spotted them the moment they'd entered the bar and had quickly come from behind the counter to intercept them. She kept her voice low and kept looking over into one corner of the pub. "You picked the wrong day for this, a few of your teachers are over there. They haven't spotted you so you'd better sneak back out."

"Oh it's okay," said George smiling waving towards the group of teachers, "we're third years now, so we're allowed in to Hogsmeade officially. Hiya Hagrid."

"Oh," said Madam Rosmerta, "third years already? My my, time as certainly flown. The usual then?"

"Yep three Fire Whiskeys," nodded Fred, "and make them large ones."

"Three Butterbeers it is," replied Madam Rosmerta ruffling Fred's hair. She pointed towards an empty table, "I'll bring them over to you."

"So what's this great plan for Filch then?" asked Lee once the drinks had been brought over. He took a large gulp of the warm buttery liquid and let out a satisfied sigh.

"Ah," said George excitedly leaning in to the table. He pulled out a piece of parchment from his pocket and slapped it down on the table. "Check this out."

"It looks like a map," said Lee examining the paper, "a badly drawn map."

"Hey," complained George snatching up the parchment, "I worked all night on this."

"All night?"

"Okay I scribbled it out before breakfast."

"So what's there then?" asked Lee point at a bold looking 'x' drawn onto the page, "some hidden treasure?"

"That's what Filch will think," beamed George, "and he'll no doubt go looking for it."

"And that's your great plan is it?" Lee said sceptically, "how can Filch finding a bunch of hidden treasure be described as a great plan?"

"Because there won't be any treasure there."

"Obviously, since you two are as skint as I am," shrugged Lee, "so we send Filch on a wild goose chase then?"

"No, for a start I wouldn't have a clue where we would get any geese from," admitted Fred scratching his chin thoughtfully.

"What we are going to do is get Filch to follow this map which will lead into a nasty little surprise for him," explained George ignoring his twin.

"…and plus I'm not sure how exactly we'd get Filch to chase them anyway."

"A nasty surprise?" grinned Lee.

"…maybe if they had some Galleons on them, but how would we stick them onto geese in the first place?"

"I was thinking something along the lines of a great big pit filled with dungbombs, stinkpellets, odourpatches," said George getting a look of approval from Lee.

"…I suppose we could use a Sticking Charm but it's not as if we have a whole bunch of Galleons lying around is it?"

"You don't think it'll be going a bit far?" asked Lee uncertainly, "he'll probably get pretty mad if he fell into that."

"Think of it this way," said George leaning back in his seat, "if Filch didn't go snooping around, sticking his nose where it wasn't wanted then he wouldn't end up in the Pit of Stench."

"Pit of Stench?"

"It's what I called it," said George proudly, "I named it after Fred's armpit."

"Unless we make up some fake Galle… hey!" Fred complained finally catching up on the conversation, "left armpit or right armpit?"

"Right armpit."

"Fair enough," admitted Fred after thinking about this for a few moments.

While the rest of the students in Hogsmeade were enjoying the various shops that the village had to offer, Lee and the twins were busying hiking though a wooded area on the outskirts. They'd previously stopped by Zonko's Joke Shop and picked up enough smell related trickery to fill a bag, which was being carefully carried by George.

"You could have drawn somewhere easy to get to," said Lee as he stumbled slightly, reaching a hand out to steady himself on a tree.

"When Filch finds the map in my pocket it has to be believable otherwise he won't go for it," explained George, "besides the harder it is to get to, the less chance of someone stumbling onto us while we are digging the pit. This'll do."

The three boys had stopped just at the edge of a small clearing in the wooded area covered in brown leaves.

"Er… this is probably a stupid question," said Lee looking around the area, "but did anyone bring any shovels?"

"You call yourself a wizard do you?" scoffed Fred taking out his wand.

"Work away," said Lee folding his arms and nodding towards the clearing.

"Er…," the look of smugness on Fred's face gradually gave way to a frown, "…oh."

"Exactly, we all have wands but we don't actually know a spell for digging, do we?" Lee pointed out.

"I'm sure we can come up with something," said George scratching his head.

"How about…" Fred pointed his wand at a patch of the ground, "Wingardium Leviosa!"

A lone leaf bobbed uncertainly up off the ground.

"Excellent," congratulated Lee, "we'll be done just in time for our N.E.."

"Yeah," agreed George as the two of them watched Fred gradually navigate the leaf to the edge of the clearing with a look of pure concentration etched onto his face, "any ideas what we could use to dig a hole?"

"Yeah," nodded Lee, "a shovel."

"I meant what spell," said George rolling his eyes.

"There," said Fred looking somewhat satisfied as he guided the leaf down onto the ground, "one down."

"What about a Summoning Charm?" asked Lee as he and George ignored Fred who was now working on moving a second leaf out of the way, "we could use it to pull the mud out of the ground."

"I suppose that could work," said George thoughtfully scratching his chin, "although I've never actually tried using that spell."

"What's to learn?" shrugged Lee, "as far as I can tell you just point the wand at what you want and go 'Accio'."

"You know, I'll be amazed if you don't end up teaching at Hogwarts," George admitted dryly.

"That's two," Fred decided to inform the other two before starting work on a third leaf.

"If you have any better suggestions I'll be glad to hear them," replied Lee curtly.

"No, anything is better then Fred's plan," said George getting his wand ready, as he tried to picture the last time he'd seen someone cast the spell. He pointed it down at the ground and concentrated. "Accio mud."

Nothing happened.

"Accio mud," Lee tried this time; he added a slight flick of the wand just in case this would make any difference. It didn't.

"Ac-cio mud," the two boys began to try as many different variations of pronunciation and wand gesticulation as they could.

"A-ccio mud."

"Ac-cio mud."

"Wingardium Leviosa."

"Accio mud, hey, I think I saw something move a bit there," said George excitedly, "I might be onto something here. Accio mud."

"Er… George," some nagging piece of information that had been trying to get Lee attention for the last few minutes finally managed to make itself heard in his brain.

"Accio mud. See? It's definitely doing something right."

"George," said Lee urgently.

"Accio mud. I think if I just get the wand movement right we'll be laughing."

"George, maybe it isn't such a good…"

"Accio mud!"

The world was suddenly full of mud.

"…idea."

The landscape of the clearing had changed somewhat. On the plus side, there was now a sizeable, although not very neat, hole in the centre of the glade. On the down side the mud that up until now had enjoyed a rather happy life occupying the space where the hole appeared now found itself relocated to a new place. Unfortunately the new place also happened to be the same one occupied by Fred, George and Lee.

"As I was just about to point out," said Lee slowly wiping the mud off his face, "Accio, is a Summoning Charm, and if we managed to get it right we'd be summoning mud towards us."

"You couldn't have come up with that a little earlier could you?" wondered George.

"Okay, let's make the best of a bad situation shall we?" sighed Lee pulling a large lump of dirt out of his hair and fantasising about a nice long bath once he'd got back to Hogwarts.

George pulled the bag off his shoulder and upturned the contents into the bottom of the pit. The three boys quickly worked to cover the hole using a number of loose sticks and branches lying about on the ground, before retrieving handfuls of leaves to thrown on top of the creation and disguise it further.

"There," said Lee smiling as he wiped his hands together, "looks just about perfect."

"It could do with one slight finishing touch," admitted Fred, he pointed his wand at a bunch of leaves at his feet, "Wingardium Leviosa."

"I can't believe we are related," sighed George as his brother carefully guided a floating leaf on top of the hidden pit.

"I know what you mean," agreed Fred, "but don't worry, I'm sure one day you'll be as talented as I am."

The boys, still covered head to toe in mud, decided to head back towards the school since they very much doubted any of the shop owners would welcome them in with open arms after getting a look at them. Since they were already on the outskirts of the village it didn't take them long to make the journey back to the school gate.

As they approached the entrance they could hear a sudden rustling from the bushes to the side. After a few moments of uncertainty the triumphant figure of the school caretaker emerged from the undergrowth.

"Ha!" Filch smiled malevolently waving his Secrecy Sensor in the air, "I have you now."

"Mr Filch," said Fred looking into the undergrowth, where a small seat had been place which had a copy of the Daily Prophet and a few discarded sandwiches along with a box containing a number of items that he knew were all banned in the school, "have you been out here all day?"

"Didn't think I'd do that did you?" sneered Filch still brandishing his new toy around, "but it's worth it to catch you three in the act of smuggling. Oh I already caught some others coming back from the village but they were small fry compared to catching you."

"Smuggling?" frowned Lee.

"Yes smuggling," snorted Filch, he pulled out a rather hefty looking scroll from his pocket. "This here is a list of every item that has been banned at the school, I know this list of by heart, and if you have anything on this list on you then… why in Merlin's name are you covered in mud?"

"Don't you follow fashion?" asked George raising an eyebrow. He looked Filch up and down. "I guess not, anyway, it's the latest craze: the mud look."

"The mud look? Honestly, you children get worse every year," complained Filch shaking his head.

"In my day," Fred muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" snapped Filch.

"Nothing," replied Fred before giving a few coughs, "just had something in my throat."

"Oh, well anyway," said Filch carrying on, "in my day... why are you smirking?"

"Sore throat," said Lee coughing theatrically "must be something going around."

"Oh I see," said Filch narrowing his eyes, "thought you'd try and distract me did you? Make me forget all about the illegal contraband you three are carrying."

"We aren't carrying any illegal contraband," sighed George.

"I'll be the judge of that," snapped Filch, he waved the Secrecy Sensor under their noses, "do you know what this is?"

"Is it a butterfly catcher?" asked Lee looking at the gold coloured piece of metal that the caretaker held in his hand.

"Don't be silly, there's no net for a start," Fred pointed out.

"This is a Secrecy Sensor," stated Filch firmly looking thoroughly impressed with himself.

"Oh, for when you play hide and seek?" said George jovially, "and is that why you are happy to see us? You want to play a game? With us? Don't you have any friends your own age?"

"No, I don't want to play a game," snapped Filch, "this is for… wait, what do you mean 'friends my own age', of course I have friends my own age."

"It's just we've never really seen…" George started but was cut off by the caretaker.

"Just because you've never seen them, doesn't mean they don't exist," Filch continued his rant, "I have plenty of friends, dozens, hundreds in fact."

"I was just saying…" George tried again.

"I can't go a single day without getting a whole bunch of owls asking me to meet up with so and so or join someone for a dinner party," stated Filch quickly, "it's amazing that I have any free time to myself whatsoever."

There was an embarrassed silence that hung in the air between the caretaker and the three boys. At roughly the same time they all became aware that the Secrecy Sensor was vibrating quite urgently in Filch's hand.

"Why is it doing that?" asked Lee pointing at the device.

"Well it's a Secrecy Sensor," said Fred, "it vibrates when it detects someone concealing something or when someone lies. So these multitude of friends that you mentioned…"

"It's obviously vibrating because you three are concealing something," snapped Filch quickly cutting the boy's sentence short.

"We aren't" replied Lee. He looked down at his clothes, "well, maybe some more mud but nothing else."

"A likely story," said Filch pointing at the Secrecy Sensor, "look, it's vibrating which means you're lying."

"It was already vibrating," Lee tried to explain.

"Then obviously it could sense that you were about to lie," countered Filch.

"They don't work like that," Fred frowned.

"Oh and I suppose you know all about Secrecy Sensors do you?" Filch snorted prodding Fred in the chest with the object in question, "have you ever read through the instruction manual?"

"No, have you?"

"I don't need to read instructions," snapped Filch, "I know how these work, now stand still while I find the contraband."

The three boys patiently waited as Filch passed the Secrecy Sensor over them. Both Fred and Lee's examination went by uneventfully, although the caretaker seemed adamant that his own personal sixth sense for trouble had picked something up and he ended up passing the device repeated over the two of them. It wasn't until he moved onto George that he got the result he was looking for.

"Aha!" beamed Filch gleefully as the Sensor began to vibrate as he brought it near to one of George's pockets, "turn out that pocket."

"There's nothing in there," said George playing along as he pulled the pocket inside out.

"Your hand," snapped Filch pointing at George, "what did you take out of your pocket?"

"This?" George held up the parchment with the hastily draw map on it, "it's just a shopping list of stuff that I was suppose to get in Hogsmeade."

"Oh is it really?" asked Filch sarcastically, as the Sensor vibrated harder in the presence of George's lie. "Give it here."

The caretaker snatched the piece of paper from George's hand and unfolded it, after a few seconds of looking at it his eyes suddenly lit up.

"A map is it?" he looked the mud covered three boys up and down, "So what did you bury there then?"

"Nothing," said Fred firmly. The Secrecy Sensor vibrated into life.

"Ha!" said Filch triumphantly holding up the device, "nothing eh? Not according to this."

"Look Mr Filch," George said, suddenly backing away as the caretaker swung the Sensor under his nose, "trust me on this, you don't want to follow that map. It'll just end badly for you."

"Badly? End badly? Don't you tell me what to do," snarled Filch, "I'm a member of staff, and you are just students so don't forget who's in charge here. I'll have you expelled this time. You might as well just go and pack now."

Filch pushed passed George and headed down the path away from the school. The three boys watched him as he left.

"He almost looks like he's about to start skipping," commented Lee as the caretaker disappeared around the corner.

"We always make him so happy," admitted Fred.

"Well, for a little while at least," added George.

****

"Another glass of Rosewater Minerva?" asked Madam Rosemerta as she collected the glass from the table.

"Why not?" smiled McGonagall. The landlady asked Flitwick and Hagrid, who were also sat with the Transfiguration teacher, if they wanted refills as well. The freshly poured drinks were placed on the table just as Filch entered the pub and looked around. He spotted McGonagall and quickly made his way over.

"Mr Filch," Flitwick greeted the caretaker, "so glad you could join us."

"I'm not here to join you," explained Filch gruffly, he flicked his gaze over to McGonagall; "I found this on one of your students."

"What is it? Some sort of map?" asked McGonagall wearily looking at the parchment that had just been handed to her.

"Yes and they've buried something there," stated Filch firmly.

"Will yer ever give it a rest?" complained Hagrid, "they're jus' kids."

"Of course I expected you to be soft on those miscreants but I doubt our Deputy Headmistress fills the same."

"Which 'miscreants' are we talking about exactly?" asked McGonagall handing the piece of paper back to Filch. "Not Fred and George Weasley again?"

"Yes, them again."

"Mr Filch," sighed McGonagall, "so far this year alone you have come to me with no less then seventy-two complaints about their behaviour."

"Yes…"

"And each time, you have failed to provide any actual evidence of any wrong doings."

"I don't need evidence," snorted Filch, "every time they were definitely up to something, I could feel it in my bones."

"I'm sure you did," McGonagall said carefully, "but if we punished every student whom you felt in your bones was up to something then we'd have the whole school in detention."

"Yes," nodded Filch failing to see anything wrong with this idea.

"So unless you have any more proof other then that drawing…"

"But I will have proof," admitted Filch, "I'm going to follow the map and dig up whatever it is they buried."

"And I expect that you want me to come along to witness this evidence?"

"Of course," agreed Filch, "the last time I came to you with a complaint about those two you said that I had some kind of vendetta against them. This time you'll witness their wrongdoing yourself."

"Very well Mr Filch," said McGonagall resignedly. She stood up and grabbed her cloak from behind her chair. She turned to Flitwick and Hagrid, "this shouldn't take too long. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Take yer time," said Hagrid lifting his drink to his lips, "we aren't going anywhere."