"I can't see why we have to do this," complained Fred scooping up a shovel full of snow off one of the pathways and wandering over to the large pile before dumping it on top.
"Really? You don't?" asked Lee watching the twins undergoing their punishment. "It's because you bewitched those snowballs to follow Professor Quirriel and continually hit him on the back of the head."
"Well, I know why we are being punished," said Fred heading back towards the path. "I just want to know why Filch couldn't have come up with something inside where it is warm."
"As far as I can make out," said George throwing his shovelful of snow onto the pile. "The paths need to be cleared either way and by getting us to do it Filch doesn't have to come out into the cold."
George stopped and dug the end of the shovel into the ground before resting his arm on it and pausing to catch his breath.
"Oi! No stopping! Get back to work," shouted the voice of Filch. The twins and Lee looked up to see the caretaker leaning out of one of the upstairs windows.
"How come he gets to be in the warm?" asked George glumly as he scraped his shovel across the ground again.
"Probably because he isn't in detention," said Lee wrapping his arms around himself.
"What are you doing out here anyway?" said Fred throwing more snow on the increasing mount.
"Oh I wanted to know if I could borrow one of your essays on the Invisible Creeping Cacti to read. I swear if I forget to do another homework parchment for Sprout she'll put me in detention, and I don't particularly want to have to spend an afternoon helping to pot plants," advised Lee as his breath fogged in the air.
"I've haven't done mine yet, I was going to copy off Fred," said George nodding towards his brother.
"Off me? I was going to copy off you," complained Fred.
"I guess that means we'll both be copying off you then," said George looking at Lee.
"I haven't done it, remember? That's what I was doing out here in the first place," said Lee tapping the side of his head with a gloved finger.
"Honestly Lee, you really should put in some forward planning," tutted Fred shaking his head.
"I can't believe you haven't done your homework, who are we supposed to copy it off now?" asked George looking disappointedly at his friend.
"You haven't done it either," snorted Lee letting out a small cloud of warm breath.
"Yes, but obviously we were going to end up in detention, and wouldn't be able to get it done in time," said George.
"So we were counting on copying it off you," added Fred.
"Hang on," said Lee pointing at Fred. "You just said that you were planning on copying it off George not me."
"I was looking at George but I was talking to you," replied Fred quickly.
"You really are a special kind of idiot aren't you?" said Lee shaking his head.
"It's the best kind to be," smiled Fred throwing another spade of snow onto the pile.
"Well since none of us have done the essay that really only leaves us with one option," said George thoughtfully.
"Stay up late tonight and work on it together?" asked Lee doubtfully.
"I like you Lee, you make me laugh," said George grinning. "Nope, we're going to have to copy off someone else."
"Angelina? I don't think she is going to help us out, not after last time," said Fred rubbing the end of his running nose with the back of a glove.
"It's not our fault she got in trouble," said George shaking his head.
"You copied their homework word for word," Lee interjected. "Then you handed yours in first and she was put in detention for copy yours."
"Do you think she'll still hold a grudge about that?" asked George sounding hopeful.
"Oh no, I doubt that," said Lee sarcastically. "In fact why don't you go and ask her when you are done here? Just make sure you tell me first because I'm going to want a front row seat for that."
"Maybe not," said George picturing the likely outcome if he approached Angelina for her homework, the image involved his head, a toilet bowl and the rather unpleasant meeting of the two.
"I've got it," exclaimed Fred surprising George who had been in mid-swing with his spade, which promptly slipped from his hands and flew a good ten feet away in the snow. Fred looked at him. "I'm not sure that's the best way to clear the path."
"Stupid shovel," complained George stomping across the thick snow that covered the ground. "What have you got anyway?"
"The perfect person to copy from," beamed Fred. "I can't believe we didn't think of it before, he's brilliant and always gets high marks in all his work."
"Right we at least we know he isn't talking about either of us," conceded Lee.
"So? Who is it?"
"Percy," said Fred smiling a wide grin.
"Do you want to take this one or shall I?" asked George looking over towards Lee.
"I'll let you handle this, I'm still a bit tired," informed Lee.
"Fred, asking Percy is a superb plan," said George as his brother acknowledged the approval. "However there are just a few slight snags that prevent it from being a perfect plan."
"Such as?"
"Well off the top of my head," said George pretending to look serious. "One; Percy isn't in our year, so he's not being set the same homework as us. Two; even if he was being set the same homework, again he is two years above us and would therefore be using magical explanations way above what we are learning. And three; and I think this is the most important part, Percy would rather let us test out our Transfiguration spells on him every day for the rest of his life than let us copy his homework. Oh and four; you're an idiot."
"A special kind of idiot," Lee reminded his friend.
"Yes, a special kind of idiot."
"You say that like it is a bad thing," said Fred frowning. "I'll answer each of your problems in order. One; I'm aware that Percy isn't in our year, if he was it would mean we were triplets and quite frankly I can't think of anything as scary as that idea. Two; he was set the same homework two years ago so he would be using explanations that we are supposed to know. And three; I never actually planned on asking his permission to copy his homework."
"Are you planning on trying to time travel back two years just so we can copy Percy's homework?" asked Lee looking at the boy in disbelief. "Because I can think of at least one more problem with that."
"No I don't plan of time travelling, although it would be a good idea, we should probably look into that," said Fred tapping a finger against his chin. "No I just plan on sneaking into his room and stealing it."
"Erm… I still think you have missed a major problem," said Lee trying not to sound too condescending. "It's with the whole, Percy not being given the same homework as us."
"Yes but as I said he would have been given it two years ago, and dear Percy isn't the type to throw out his work," said Fred smiling, neither his brother nor his friend seemed change their expressions of confusion so he decided to put it in simpler terms. "He keeps all his old homework."
"You can't be serious," said Lee shaking his head. He looked over at George. "Can he?"
"You could be on to something there," said George thoughtfully, attempting to click his gloved fingers. "Remember when he returned home after his first year, he brought all of his essays back and stored them in his wardrobe."
"Exactly, and mum told him he couldn't bring any more home because we didn't have enough room. That and we set fire to the ones he had already brought back. Accidentally of course," added Fred after a look from Lee.
"So, you think he has them here? Stored in his room?" said Lee.
"I would bet my reputation on it," stated Fred firmly.
"You don't have a reputation," Lee pointed out.
"I hope to get one from this," replied Fred without skipping a beat.
"Oi!" shouted the voice of Filch, the three boys turned to see him scampering out of the school and heading their way.
"Doesn't he ever take a break?" muttered Fred shaking his head.
"What is your punishment?" demanded the caretaker as he reached the boys.
"To clear the path by hand," ventured George.
"Exactly, to clear the path, not to spend all your time chatting to your friend," said Filch. He jabbed a finger towards Fred. "You. Go to the other end of the path and make a start there. You continue from here. And you," he pointed at Lee so viciously the boy had to take a step back to avoid being poked in the eye. "Bugger off."
"Charming," mumbled Lee under his breath.
"See you later," said Fred as their friend retreated to the warmth of the castle.
"Not if you don't get this cleared you won't," sneered Filch. He shivered slightly before realising in his haste to reprimand the twins he had forgotten to wrap a warm coat around himself. "I'll be back in half an hour to check on your progress."
It was closer to twenty minutes in the end when the caretaker returned. By arriving early he had no doubt wanted to catch the boys lazing about when they should have been working. Needless to say he was sorely disappointed to find not only that both boys were busy but that they had almost completely the task.
"You've managed to clear all that in the time it's taken me to have a sandwich?" he demanded suspiciously.
"Of course Mr Filch," said Fred looking up from his work.
"We just took a leaf out of your book and got on with it," added George moving another load of snow.
"You did?" asked Filch looking between the two boys warily.
"Of course," said Fred trying to look at the caretaker with false admiration. "I mean, you're just one man but you manage to keep something the size of Hogwarts cleaned to perfection."
"Well, it's not just all me… you know… House Elves," stammered Filch trying to be modest.
"House-Elves? Nonsense," said George shaking his head. "Sure they do little bits here and there, but who does all the real work? Eh? Who?"
"Me?" asked Filch a little bit uncertain.
"Exactly," nodded George. "Just you, with a single broom and no thanks. Every day you are sweeping those halls and I don't want to speak ill of my fellow students but they are an ungrateful lot aren't they?"
"Ungrateful? Damn right they're ungrateful," snapped Filch angrily. "In the week before term started I had this place gleaming, and then the moment they arrived I have to spend my days trailing after muddy footprints all over my beautiful clean floors."
"Tsk, that is awful, did you hear that Fred?"
"I heard George," said Fred shaking his head miserably. "This place would fall down without you Mr Filch. Sure, Dumbledore gets all glory whenever Hogwarts is mentioned but would he be able to do his job if it wasn't for you making sure the school was running like clockwork? Of course not."
"You can't spell Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft without Filch," said George, and then thought about this for a few seconds before correcting himself. "Well you can, but it would be spelt Ogwarts Shoo of Wzardry and Witchcrat, and who would want to go to a school like that? Not me that's for sure."
"Nor me, or anyone else with half a brain," agreed Fred. "Which is why we've started a campaign."
"We have? I mean, yes we have," said George quickly recovering.
"What sort of campaign?" asked Filch looking suspiciously between the two boys.
"To get your own chapter in Hogwarts; A History of course," said Fred looking at Filch as though the answer should have been obvious."
"My own chapter?" said Filch getting a far away look in his eyes.
"At the very least," said George taking the cue from his brother. "We've already started a petition amongst the rest of the school. Got a good few signatures too, we were going to write off to Chroniculus Punnet and get him to add your chapter into the latest edition but, well what with one thing and another we just haven't had the time."
"Oh you haven't?" said Filch looking a little disappointed.
"No," sighed Fred looking rather devastated. "We were going to do it this morning but well we had to do this."
"Well you're nearly done," said Filch hopefully as he looked at the remainder of the path that needed clearing.
"Yes but then it'll be lunch time, and we have Quidditch practice after that, plus we have a whole bunch of homework to finish before the weekend is over. I just don't think we'll get around to it, this morning was really the only time we had free. It'll disappoint so many people too," said George really laying the false sincerity on as thickly as he could.
"Oh," said Filch thoughtfully. An idea suddenly occurred to him. "Maybe you could get someone to help finish…"
"Good thinking Mr Filch," stated George quickly, he held his shovel out in front of the caretaker who took it from his hands almost automatically. "I knew we could count on you to see the importance of our cause."
"Honestly Mr Filch, every day when I come across a problem I just think to myself 'what would Mr Filch do?' And once I do that, the answer always becomes clear," said Fred jabbing his spade into the ground and heading passed the caretaker as the two boys started making their way back to the school.
"I didn't mean…" Filch started to say but was quickly interrupted by George.
"Well it has to be you doesn't it?"
"Of course it does," added Fred enthusiastically. "Who else would clear this path to the high standards that this school deserves? Only you Mr Filch with you keen sense of hard work."
"Dedication," said George nodding.
"Attention to detail," agreed Fred as the caretaker puffed his chest out. "No one else would take such pride in a job well done."
"We're counting on you Mr Filch, make us proud," said George firing off a snappy salute, causing the man to stiffen to attention with the shovel held over his shoulder like a rifle.
"My own chapter," muttered Filch happily to himself as he started to move the snow off the path. He paused for a moment looking at the shovelful of white powder. He looked back up towards the school where the two boys were disappearing through the doors. He looked back to the snow. A multitude of neurons began firing inside Filch's brain as realisation of what just happened dawned on him. The barrage of swearwords that exploded from his mouth could be heard all the way to Hagrid's hut.
"I think Filch has just cottoned on," said Fred as the two boys suddenly started to walk quicker up the stairs just in case the caretaker came chasing after them, they didn't slow down until they were in the relative safety of the Gryffindor common room.
"Are you guys done already?" asked Lee looking up from a table. He had a couple of books spread out over them and had his quill poised over a parchment.
"Filch is finishing up for us," said George causing his friend to frown in confusion. "We'll tell you later. What are you doing?"
"Starting my Herbology homework," replied Lee pointing at the book.
"I thought we had decided on checking if Percy had kept his old essays," said George flicking Lee's book shut.
"You were serious about that?"
"Yeah why wouldn't we be?" said Fred. "All we need it a way to distract Percy for a few minutes while we search his room."
"Like that is going to happen," said Lee shaking his head. "The moment either of you try to distract him, he'll know something is up."
"That is true," said George thoughtfully. His sentence trailed off as he saw his older brother coming down the stairs from the dormitories. "You off out Percy?"
"Not that it is any of your business but no," said the prefect crossing over the room to the Gryffindor bulletin board. He pinned a small piece of parchment to it. "Just updating the passwords for the Fat Lady for the next few weeks."
"We were actually just talking about you," advised Fred thinking quickly.
"You were?" replied Percy looking between his two brothers suspiciously. "I don't have any money for you to borrow."
"We're not after money," laughed George failing to lower his brother's state of alertness. "It's just Lee here thinks he could have a good shot at being the Gryffindor prefect in a couple of years, now obviously neither Fred or I would know anything about what it would take to become one but you certainly would."
"You would?" asked Percy transferring his suspicious gaze to the twins' friend.
"Oh yeah," nodded Lee quickly after getting a sly kick in the shin from George. "My dad was a prefect as was my granddad, so it's a big deal for them that I'm one as well. Do you have any tips that would help me get picked? I mean, what did you do for instance?"
"Well there's no one thing that you need to do, it's more to do with your general attitude. Now, there are some people, who are completely unsuited to the responsibilities of being a prefect," at this point Percy looked pointedly at his two brothers. "And by associating yourself with them you have probably made it difficult to be in consideration for the title, but I'm sure with a few adjustments you'll be back on track."
"This sounds like it could take a while," said Fred heading towards the stairs. "We'll just leave you to it."
"That'll probably be for the best," said Percy not looking up. He reached for a spare piece of parchment and took the quill off Lee. "We'll need to write all this down; they'll be a lot to remember."
"Really? That's great," said Lee looking over Percy's shoulder to flash an expression of annoyance at the twins. They just gave him a friendly wave and headed up the stairs.
"Was that too mean to Lee?" said Fred as the two boys quickly headed up the stairs.
"He's taking one for the team," concluded George following closely behind his brother.
They made their way up to Percy's dormitory and headed inside. It had changed little over the last couple of years since the twins had snuck inside to brew a potion in secret in their first year. There was only one occupant in the room and Fred was about to launch into a quickly formulated excuse for their presence but then realised he recognised the individual.
"Oliver?" Fred said uncertainly looking at what seemed to be a bundle of bedding.
"Urrgh," groaned the mound on the bed. It slowly rolled onto one side and the face of the Gryffindor captain could be seen poking out of the top of the bunched duvet, his nose and eyes were bright red and his skin was pale and pasty looking.
"Merlin's Beard you look awful," muttered Fred unable to keep the shock out of his voice.
"I'm fine," mumbled Oliver before letting out a hacking cough.
"Oh yeah, you sound just peachy," replied George looking around the room. "Which bed is Percy's?"
"That one over there," came the muted response. Oliver jutted a foot out of the bottom of the bed and used it to point in the direction of their older brother's bed.
"Cheers," said George heading towards it.
"So what's wrong with you? Shouldn't you be in the infirmary?" asked Fred as his brother began rummaging through Percy's possessions.
"I'm fine, nothing wrong with me at all, just picked up a little cold from the weather," explained Oliver from his warm cocoon. "Madam Pompfrey says there is nothing she can do. Honestly, she can grow bones back but can't cure a simple cold; it's ridiculous I tell you."
"I take it that this afternoon's practice is cancelled?" said Fred as George began pulling out the drawers next to Percy's bed.
Although each student was only allocated one set of drawers and a wardrobe to stow their belongings, the furniture had been enchanted to allow far more items to be placed inside them than the outward appearance would suggest. George found himself leaning halfway into one of the drawers so that only the bottom half of his body was visible.
"Aha!" he exclaimed his voice echoing from inside the wooden furniture. He pulled himself out and held aloft an armful of paper all neatly held in place with string wrapped around it. George looked down at it and read from the first page. "Damn, second year stuff," he disappeared back into the drawer.
"Why would practice be cancelled?" demanded Oliver, struggling to sit up. "Has Slytherin tried to steal our timeslot again, I booked the pitch weeks ago."
"Calm down, no they haven't," said Fred folding his arms across his chest. "I just meant you aren't exactly in the best shape to be holding a practice."
"What do you mean? I told you, I'm fine," Oliver devolved into a fit of coughs that prevented him from elaborating further.
"Look at your eyes, they're streaming, you won't be able to see a thing out there, and it's cold, unless you are planning on taking your duvet up on the broom with you of course," Fred pointed out.
"Ha, got them," said George holding up the pile of paper which too both hands to manage.
"But we need to practice," complained Oliver letting out a huge sneeze that reverberated around the room.
"I'll tell you what Oliver," said Fred taking half of the pages from his brother who had struggled across the room with them. "You rest up and the rest of us will have practice as normal."
"You will?"
"Of course we will Oliver," said George smiling kindly. "We all take Quidditch as seriously as you do. Don't you worry about it."
"Thanks guys," sighed Oliver collapsing back down into the bed.
"We aren't really still going to have practice are we? It's freezing," said Fred in the corridor outside of the dormitory.
"Don't be silly, I don't know about you but I'll be staying in with a nice warm cup of tea. I doubt the rest of the team will complain much either," said George.
"What on earth is all of this?" asked Fred lifting up the parchments in his hand. "I thought we were just trying to find one essay."
"There was too much to go through in there," said George balancing the pages awkwardly in his hand. "But these were all from his third year; one of them is bound to be on Invisible Creeping Cacti."
"Hey this one is about the Giant Treaties," said Fred looking down at the top page of his pile. "Binns set that as homework last week, and check it out; Percy got two hundred and twelve percent."
"You know what? I don't think we'll get a low mark again," said George grinning.