Filch opened his eyes as his alarm clock wailed into life, usually such a noise would been an unwelcome interruption to his delightful dreams of punishments for students but today however was a special day indeed. It was the last day before the Christmas holidays officially started, which meant he got to watch as the majority of the children disappear off down to Hogsmeade station carried away by the horseless carriages. In the caretaker's opinion the only day in the entire scholastic calendar that was better was the final day of year when once again he would be given back a student free school.
"Good morning Mrs Norris," he said to his pet cheerily. He flicked the sheets back on his bed, swung his legs across and practically leaped out onto the ground. There were a few moments of uncertain dancing from the caretaker as he once again forgot that the cold winter months in conjunction with the stone floor made for a very unpleasantly freezing feeling against his feet.
Eventually he managed to locate his slippers and began his daily ritual of washing and shaving, although this time he was happily humming a tune to himself as he did. He dabbed his face dry with a towel that had once been white but had since discoloured to a murky yellow after years of neglect and gazed at himself in the mirror. There were a few errant strands of hair poking out of the top of his head which he tried to force down with his hand, after a few unsuccessful attempts he spat into his palm and used the moisture to wet them down so that they stuck to the rest of his lank dishevelled mane.
Once his was suitably dressed he strode out of his room and into the corridors of the school. As he made his way through the various hallways and passages, he found that he was still humming the little happy tune to himself as he went.
He wandered into the main entrance hall of the school and smiled to himself as he watch student after student filtering out of the door to board a carriage. He felt as if he could spend all day just watching them go.
"Alright Mr Filch?" asked George as he, Fred and Lee made their way down the stairs each one carrying a bag over their shoulders.
"Don't say anything," said Filch holding his hand out to stop them from speaking before waving them away. "You'll ruin the moment, just keep moving."
"I'm not sure if I've ever seen Filch in such a good mood," said Lee as the three boys made their way out to the front of the school. Outside people were already queuing to get on the horseless carriages that would take them to Hogsmeade station and the Hogwarts' Express. "It's a little unnerving."
"Everything about Filch is a little unnerving," corrected Fred handing Lee the bag that had been slung over his shoulder before massaging his arm with his hand. "Here you go."
"Cheers, thanks for helping me down with these," said Lee taking the other bag from George as well.
"No problem, we weren't going to just standby and watch you struggle with these all the way down here," said George waving a hand at the bags now weighing down his friend.
"Er… except that you did, for a little bit anyway," Lee reminded him.
"Well it was funny at first, watching you try and balance yourself with all three while trying to get down the stairs, but after a while it just started being a bit sad," said Fred shrugging his shoulders or at least trying to with the bags weighing them down.
"Alright guys?" said Alicia as she and Angelina joined the group. She looked at Lee attempting to carry his three large bags. "You're only going home for a couple of weeks, why are you taking so much stuff?"
"Because, I'm being smart," said Lee eventually managing to find his balance. "These bags are filled with the things that I won't need after the holidays. So if I bring them home now then I won't need to struggle bringing them down at the end of the year."
"But you wouldn't struggle bringing them down at the end of the year anyway," said Angelina frowning as she looked at the boy. "The House-Elves always put our stuff on the train, remember? We just leave them in our room."
"Oh yeah," muttered Lee looking a little taken aback. He gazed at his bags forlornly before looking up at the twins. "I don't suppose…"
"No chance, we helped you down with them, we're not going back up as well," said George quickly as he shook his head.
"Besides, we're going to head into Hogsmeade for a few hours," said Fred nodding the direction of the village.
"Are you allowed?" asked Alicia.
"Well we assumed we are since we're third years and technically we are on holiday," said George.
"Yes but did someone say you could actually go?" reiterated the girl.
"Oh we didn't ask anyone if we could go or not," said Fred frowning.
"Yeah, they might have said no," agreed George.
"And that would have stopped you would it?" asked Lee.
"No, but it would have meant we would have had to sneak out, this way we get to enjoy the fresh air and a nice walk as opposed to crawling through a tunnel for the best part of an hour," explained Fred.
"I'm amazed that you two haven't been expelled yet," said Angelina shaking her head. One of the numerous horseless carriages pulled up in front of them. Lee grudgingly pushed his bags inside before stepping up into it.
"They would never do that," said Fred shaking his head. "This place would be boring without us."
"Or at the very least, quieter and less likely to explode," conceded Alicia following Lee up into the carriage. Angelina climbed up after her. The three of them poked their heads out.
"See you after the holidays," said Angelina.
"Have a good Christmas," bade Alicia.
"Don't set fire to my bed," added Lee as the carriage pulled away by itself.
"See you too. Have a good Christmas as well. And I can't promise anything about your bed," said Fred and George, waving their friends off, before heading towards the path down to the village.
The snow had left a thick blanket of soft white unspoiled canvas that the twins promptly destroyed as they stomped their way down to Hogsmeade. The village had entered into the full swing of festive spirit and not single a house or business was bereft of decorations. Lights, candles, Christmas trees and tinsel could be seen in every window along the way. As they approached the main street they could hear carols being sung with hearty gusto by miniature figurine singers attached to the side of each of the builders.
The boys headed straight for their usual first stop in the village; Zonko's toyshop, where they replenished their stocks of dungbombs, stinkpellets, and other various items that could be found on Filch's list of items banned from the school grounds. After that a quick stop over at Honeyduke's sweetshop enabled them to pick up a few snack items that couldn't be found in the kitchens at Hogwarts.
Eventually they headed to the warmth and comfort of the Three Broomsticks. The heat from the well stocked fire of the pub was enough to make the two boys instantly start removing their bulky coats, hats and gloves as they stepped through the door.
The pub was relatively quiet without the usual hustle and bustle of the Hogwarts' students and the two boys quickly scanned the room for a suitable place to sit. Fred nudged his brother with his elbow and nodded towards the bar where a familiar face was being served by Madam Rosmerta.
"I haven't seen you in here for a long time Mr Filch," said the barmaid pouring out a glass of Fire Whiskey for the caretaker. "Not since the summer in fact."
"I normally drink up at the Hog's Head during term time," advised Filch taking a sip of the golden liquid and letting out a satisfied sigh.
"How come?"
"Can you hear that?" asked Filch raising a hand to his ear theatrically.
"Hear what?"
"Exactly. Silence. No snot-nosed kids running around like they own the place," said Filch smiling to himself. "And even better than that, they have gone home for the holidays."
"Who's 'they'?" asked Madam Rosmerta.
"The red headed doppelganger devils," whispered Filch leaning close to the woman. His face screwed up in disgust. "Those Weasley troublemakers."
"Er… Mr Filch?" said the barmaid flicking her eyes across to where the twins were standing. Fred gave her a wave.
"Two weeks, two whole weeks without those permanent thorns in my side," said Filch gleefully.
"Mr Filch?" said Rosmerta again.
"I'll be free to head into a room without first having to check that they haven't stuck something above the door, poised to drop down onto me as I enter," Filch sighed as he took another sip from his glass. "I haven't been this relaxed in months."
"Argus?" said the barmaid, this time sounding much firmer.
"What?" asked Filch looking slightly annoyed as he took a large gulp of his drink. Madam Rosmerta nodded towards the boys. The caretaker turned to look where she was pointing. There was a sudden spray of liquid erupting from his mouth like a fountain. He waved a finger at the twins. "You!"
"Hiya Mr Filch," said George beaming a wide smile at the caretaker. He turned to look at the barmaid. "Two Butterbeers if you don't mind Madam Rosmerta."
"W-w-what are you…? You can't be…? Why aren't you…?" stammered Filch unable to get any of his questions out of his mouth. Eventually he managed to compose himself enough to say one complete sentence. "But you're supposed to be on the train."
"No we aren't," said Fred frowning. Madam Rosmerta placed two glasses of warm Butterbeer onto the bar. "Thanks."
"Yes you are," state Filch firmly. "I saw you, you had your bags."
"Oh those?" said George taking a large gulp of his drink. "Those were Lee's bags, we were just helping him."
"So you aren't heading home for the holidays?" asked Filch in an extremely pathetic voice. "You're staying at Hogwarts?"
"Yeah our parents are visiting our brother," said Fred mistakenly thinking that the caretaker was trying to engage them in conversation. "So we're stuck here for the holidays."
"Here Mr Filch, I think you could do with another one of these. On the house," said Madam Rosmerta pouring out another glass of Fire Whiskey. Without changing his expression, Filch reached a hand out, grasped the glass and drained it all in one go. He looked across at the woman forlornly.
"I thought I had two weeks away from them," he muttered to her. Almost in a daze he stepped away from the bar and headed towards the door of the pub. A chilly blast of air whipped through the room as he left and made his way out in the cold.
"Well I for one am always glad to see you," said Madam Rosmerta giving the boys a wink before going to serve a customer further down the bar.
"He's slipping," said George shaking his head.
"He's getting old," agreed Fred drinking from his glass. "How far do you think he'll get before he realises that we are out of school grounds?"
"I'd say definitely within the next three seconds," said George looking out of the window to where the caretaker had suddenly stopped in his tracks.
Filch burst back through the door of the Three Broomsticks with a malevolent and slightly demented look in his eye. He jabbed a finger towards the two boys.
"Out of bounds!" he exclaimed advancing on them. Fred and George tried to consume as much of their Butterbeers as they could before the caretaker grabbed their collars roughly and propelled them through the door.
"Don't worry, I'll put those on your tab," Madam Rosmerta called after them as she went to collected the unpaid glasses of Butterbeer discarded on the bar top.
"I've got you this time," snarled Filch pushing Fred along in front of him. The boy stumbled slightly as he tried to regain his footing. "Not just out of bounds, but sneaking into Hogsmeade as well."
"We didn't sneak into Hogsmeade," countered George as both he and Fred tried to keep ahead of the man.
"I just caught you. Even in the face of facts you are going to lie," snapped Filch angrily.
"We didn't sneak anywhere," explained Fred. "We just walked into the village normally. There are no rules against that."
"Of course there are rules against that!" shouted Filch as he threw his hands in the air. "If there weren't any rules against it, you lot could just wander into the village whenever you feel like it."
"We do wander into the village whenever we feel like it," George pointed out. "Therefore there can't be any rules against it."
"What?" said Filch suddenly taken aback by the boy's logic. "No, it doesn't work like that. You don't get to decide on the rules."
"But you said so yourself, if there weren't any rules against it, we could just wander into the village any time. Since we do that then there can't be any rules against it," said Fred turning and walking backwards as he explained the concept to the caretaker. "It's pretty simple really."
"No," retorted Filch waving a finger at the two boys. "You aren't going to weasel your way out of it this time. I've caught you, out of bounds, and I'm going to make sure that you two are punished harshly for this. I've been telling Dumbledore since you two first turned up that you needed to be expelled and this time he'll have no choice. Flouting the rules, you have no respect for authority. And what's in those bags you are carrying? Are those from Zonko's? Give them here."
Filch peered into the contents of the paper bags each of the boys had been carrying. His face broke into a wide smile.
"Dungbombs? Stinkpellets? They're on the banned list. Oh my you're going to be expelled for sure now, trying to bring illegal contraband onto school premises," said the caretaker practically giddy with excitement. He looked up to see a lone figure approaching around the bend in the road. His smile managed to increase a few notches once he realised it was Dumbledore. "I don't even have to wait to see you expelled. Headmaster."
"Ah Argus how are you doing on his fine day? Mr Weasleys," said the headmaster nodded at the two boys.
"I caught them sir," Filch said triumphantly.
"Caught who?" asked Dumbledore looking around.
"These two miscreants," said Filch waving a hand towards the twins.
"Caught them doing what exactly?"
"Being out of bounds of course," stated Filch.
"Argus, while I do appreciate you diligently enforcing the numerous and exhaustive list of school rules that have built up over the years, I do feel that since it is officially the Christmas holidays and the fact that as third years these two young men are allowed into Hogsmeade on occasion anyway, we can certainly overlook their indiscretion this one instance," said Dumbledore smiling slightly. "Now, unless you are busy Argus, how about you join me for a glass of Fire Whiskey or two down at Rosmerta's?"
"B-but…" stammered Filch for a few seconds before he realised he was still holding the paper bags from Zonko's, he rallied superbly and held them open for Dumbledore to see. "What about these?"
"Oh really Argus, you shouldn't have," said Dumbledore looking inside the bags.
"I didn't get them for you," explained Filch. He pointed an accusing finger at the twins. "They bought them."
"While it is very generous of you two, I don't think I can accept presents from my students," said Dumbledore looking at the boys kindly. "There could be a suggestion of favouritism and I try to avoid that as best as I can. However I do appreciate the gesture."
"That's quite all right sir," said George. He held his hand out to take the bags from Filch. "I'm sure we'll be able to find someone that would want them."
"These are banned at the school," said Filch still holding onto the items.
"That is true Argus," nodded Dumbledore. "And I'm sure neither of these fine young gentlemen were planning on bringing them onto school grounds. Were you?"
"Oh no sir," said Fred looking affronted at such a suggestion. "We would never bring something to the school that was on the banned list."
"Very good," smiled Dumbledore turning to look at the caretaker. "I think that should be enough to waylay any reservations you may have."
"Right," said Filch tersely. Reluctantly he held the bags out for George to take.
"Excellent, now that has been resolved, how about that drink Argus?" said Dumbledore rubbing his hands together eagerly.
"I could do with a drink," sighed Filch shaking his head. "Or twelve."
"Very good," said Dumbledore resting a hand on the caretaker's shoulder and guiding him towards the village. He looked over his shoulder as he left. "Gentlemen."
"Bye sir," said George giving the headmaster a wave.
"We aren't really going to not bring them into the school," said Fred.
"Of course not," said George once he had mentally worked his way through his brother's statement. "Although I think we will probably have to come back here tomorrow to get some more."
"How come?"
"Because we have two bags full of the likes of dungbombs and stinkpellets, and Filch's office will be unguarded for the next while."
"You truly are an evil man George, and I like it," said Fred smiling.
"'Tis the season Fred, tis the season."