Chances are the fascinations
Chances won't escape from me
Chances are only what we make them and all I need
- Chances, Five for Fighting
Severus stood at the entrance to the Winking Wugmump. It was Friday. The day Severus typically skulked off campus for beers and glimpses of Pauline. All parts of his comfortable routine were there. Hamish, in his typical coke-bottle glasses and page-boy cap was wiping down the bar, talking to a red-headed witch. His table by the window was empty. Over Severus' shoulder, he could see Pauline serving cake to a young family in the cafe. Severus' stomach flipped. This time - this time he was going to be different. He straightened up, turned away from the bar and walked over to Pauline's cafe.
In the time it had taken him to walk over, Pauline had going into the back to get a customers order. Severus slipped into an empty table, brought out his book and stared fixedly at it. A chapter and a cappuccino later, he got a whiff of Pauline's perfume.
"You again," she said with a smile that, in Severus' opinion, was all too knowing. Severus closed his book.
"Hello," he said with as much confidence as he could fake. She was holding a piece of peppermint cheesecake and slid it across the table towards him.
"That's for you," she said with a grin.
"You remembered," Severus said, a smile coming across his lips. He didn't remember the last time he had ever willingly smiled at anyone, let alone a beautiful woman.
"I did," she said, giving him a final smile and walking away from the table. Severus' smile turned into a wide grin he had to look down at the table to conceal. He went the next day, the day after that and every day Pauline was there: smiling and talking to him. Severus couldn't remember a better weekend.
Unfortunately for both Harry and Severus, Monday had to come eventually. Harry hadn't come face-to-face with Snape since he had rather rudely and melodramatically told the man to leave him alone. Now he had to apologize. For the first time, Harry was feeling quite cool towards his Godfather.
Grumpily, Harry slid into Potions behind Ron and Hermione. Usually Snape was furiously writing on the board as they filtered in, but this time he was watching them, arms crossed, nodding at the odd student. Harry felt before he saw Snape's eyes swivel towards him, but this time, it was Harry's turn not to make eye contact. He stared resolutely at the cauldron he was setting up.
"Settle down everyone," Snape said to the completely silent class. "As we only have an hour today and your examinations are coming up, we are going to review some of the potions that we have studied earlier in the term. I expect improvements."
With that, Snape tapped the board and the recipe for Drowsiness Draught came up. Neville, whose knowledge of plants and funguses made him adept at potions now that his confidence had increased, started to excitedly pulverize his snake fangs.
'Do remember to cast the appropriate safety charms first," Severus said sternly, laying a hand on Neville's shoulder. "I don't need any of you falling asleep in class."
Neville nodded sheepishly, cast the charms and got to work.
The rest of the lesson - a relatively easy one - passed quickly as everyone worked in silence. The only sound was the hiss of cauldrons, the plop of ingredients being added and Snape's soft voice making comments and corrections. It would almost have been pleasant if Harry's stomach wasn't knotted with nervous anticipation.
Severus nodded with approval at Draco's cauldron then looked into Hermione's. He watched her work for a few minutes, a look of deep concentration on his face. After a moment, Hermione raised her eyes and blushed, uncomfortable with the scrutiny.
"Perfect, Miss Granger," he said. It was the nicest thing Snape had ever said to her and she blushed further.
"Textbook, in fact," he said. "Understanding the principles of potions and being able to brew them correctly are important skills. Skills some of your classmates will struggle to obtain."
His eyes flicked over to Ron's cauldron that was smoking.
"However, what is true understanding entails is being able to use those principles. criticize the methodology and come up with your own recipes and improvements," Snape said. Hermione nodded looking petrified.
"Instead of writing the essay on the effect of moonstones, I would like you to write me an essay about an improvement you would make on any potion we have studied this term. You will then brew your improved potion for me instead of the Forgetfulness Solution we are supposed to brew on Thursday."
Hermione looked like she wanted to protest - the comfort of books and being told what to do was something she had always craved - but Snape continued to stare her down, and she nodded reluctantly. Severus nodded and looked at Harry's cauldron.
"Not bad," Snape said after a moment. "Make sure you don't rush through the steps. The potion needs time to sit." Harry nodded, blushing.
"And Mr. Weasley, what exactly have you done here?" Snape said, sounding slightly annoyed at the disaster in Ron's cauldron.
"Uhhh- " Roan said, flipping through his book to see where he went wrong.
By the the time Snape had straightened out Ron's potions, the bell had sounded and all the students started to pack up their belongings.
"Alright see you all next time. Remember you essay on moonstones is due in the middle of next week. If you write it the night before, I will know. Off you get," Snape said, somehow managing to stare down every student at the same time. Harry's stomach turned again. He had a letter waiting to be sent to Sirius, and he knew he couldn't send it without being able to honestly say that he had made good on his promise to apologize to Snape.
"Go on without me," Harry muttered. Ron and Hermione both threw skeptical looks at Snape, who was now collecting papers off of his desk, but neither were willing to say anything and headed out the door as Harry awkwardly approached Snape.
Severus saw the movement out of the corner of his eye and looked up, half-expecting to find a Slytherin approaching the desk to negotiate a paper extension. It was Harry, approaching as though he was approaching his executioner. The boy took a deep, steadying breath that for some reason made Severus feel a large swell of affection for him.
"I'm so-"
"Perhaps, it would be best for us to just move past the recriminations and apologies," Snape said, cutting off the completely unnecessary apology. He had deserved Harry's anger and upset.
"I won't hold your outburst against you if you don't hold the past weeks against me. I should have spoken to you." Harry looked up at him reluctantly, as though he was trying to find something on Severus' face.
"Did I do something wrong?" he burst out finally. "Were you mad at me?" For the first time since the Ghangzou, Severus truly appreciated how young Harry was. Of course he had blamed himself. Severus, if possible, felt even worse.
"No, nothing at all," Severus said firmly. He sat on the side of his desk and motioned for Harry to do the same on the desk he was standing beside. Harry did so. Severus cleared his throat.
"This may shock you, Potter, but I'm not in the habit of conversing socially with 11-year-olds. I suppose I didn't know where to begin - so not beginning at all was easier. Does that make sense?" Harry nodded, and there was a kind understanding expression on Harry's face that Severus vaguely recognized. With a start, Severus realized he was seeing the Ghangzou James on Harry's sympathetic face. Severus looked away.
"I apologize," Severus said, a little stiffly. "I should have treated you with more consideration, especially after our conversation over Christmas."
Harry blushed a little at that, but couldn't seem to find the words to respond. Severus couldn't blame him.
"It's no big deal," Harry muttered bashfully after a few moments. In Severus' mind it was a big deal. He had let the boy down after offering some form of guidance and security. That was not the sort of man he had ever intended to be. Still, pressing the point would just make Harry more uncomfortable.
"I appreciate your forgiveness," Severus said simply.
"You too," Harry said, offering Snape a small, shy smile. There was another moments of silence. Harry kept looking up at Severus with those big, green eyes. Severus attempted to summon his courage. It wouldn't be so difficult to ask Harry for a cup of tea. Except, Severus had never asked a student to tea before and the words got stuck in his throat.
"I'll see you at detention tonight, Potter," said Severus, chickening out completely. The corners of his Harry's lips twitched upwards. He looked almost pleased at the prospect.
"Yeah, I'll see you tonight, sir," Harry said, turning and leaving the classroom. Harry picked up his bag and walked out of his classroom to go to lunch and, undoubtedly to convince his friends he wasn't eaten alive. Severus smiled at himself and picked the papers off of his desk. Perhaps, Severus thought, this wouldn't be so difficult.
Any ideas of happiness however, were pushed aside for the rest of the day. It was the first meeting of the Order, and as good as it felt thinking about Pauline and reconnecting with Harry, the knowledge of Voldemort and the horcruxes hung over Severus like a thick fog blocking out the sunshine.
Severus sighed and looked at the front door of Grimmauld Place, somewhere he never expected to be. Fighting Voldemort, spying on him, Severus knew that that was coming. Dumbledore had been clear about that. Still, Severus hadn't considered working as a member of a team, surrounded by damn Gryffindors. With another sigh, he climbed the staircase and rang the doorbell.
Something screamed from inside and Severus jumped, his wand at the ready. The door flew open and Sirius, looking harried and surprised, smiled at Severus as the screaming continued.
"Come on in," he said.
"SCUM OF THE EARTH," bellowed a portrait of a very fat, woman who was telling so much she was spitting. "DISGRACE, BLOOD-TRAITOR -BRINGING HALF-BlOOD "
"ENOUGH," Sirius bellowed back, fighting to pull the thick curtains over the portrait.
"I WISH YOU WERE DEAD," she yelled as Sirius yanked the curtain closed.
"I WISH YOU WOULD SHUT THE HELL UP," Sirius yelled finally managing to yank the curtains completely shut. The curtains managed to cull the noise. Sirius brushed a tired hand through his hair.
"Sorry about that, I meant to tell you not to knock," Sirius said "My mother is a little ornery." He motioned Severus further into the house. The house was grand and enormous, but pretty much in shambles. A wall was half-way torn down, old dank carpeting had been pulled up off the staircase, there was a stack of elf's heads sitting on the the bottom most stair. Severus hadn't really thought about what he expected Sirius' house to look like this, but it wasn't this.
Sirius caught Severus' eye and burst out laughing.
"Trust me, I know," he said. They walked into a living room that seemed to have been recently been redone. A fire was crackling warmly in an white, Victorian fireplace and the walls were painted a light, sage green. Large, brown couches and a persian rug dominated the centre of the room and one wall was completely covered in books.
"I'm trying to get the entire place looking nice for when Harry finished school," Sirius said. "This is all I have managed to come up with so far."
Severus had to admit, Sirius had an eye.
"Anything to drink? The others should be here soon," asked Sirius. Severus nodded and a bottle of Ogden's Firewhiskey flew through the air. Sirius poured them both a liberal glass and sunk back into the couch starting to talk animatedly about the house and the Order. Severus nodded along, drinking his fire whiskey quietly.
Remus came in a few minutes later, looking distinctly less shabby than the last time Severus had seen him.
"Afternoon," he said pleasantly, sitting down to listen to Sirius finish debating what type of floor tiles to use in the bathroom. The moment Sirius stood up to answer the door, Remus smirked at Severus.
"I think we need to get him out of the house before he completely goes off the deep-end,' Remus said. Severus just snorted in agreement as Sirius returned with both Moody and Dumbledore in tow.
Severus felt a momentary swoop of displeasure. Sirius, Remus and Dumbledore seemed to all be fine with him, but Severus could tell by the scowl on Moody's face that Moody didn't trust him. Pretending to be oblivious, Dumbledore just beamed at everyone.
"Let's get started shall we," Dumbledore said. Mostly for Moody's benefit, Dumbledore recounted the story of Ghangzou and Sirius' release. Severus couldn't help but notice how dark Sirius' face got at the mention of Peter.
"Well I think it's a little early to be bringing in spies," Moody spat with ill-contained hostility, the moment Dumbledore finished. "Voldemort has not returned. Snape is a liability at this point."
"Alistair," Remus said, somehow adding a warning tone to his voice without actually doing so. Severus just stared back at Moody.
"We can't trust him!" Moody says. Dumbledore opened his mouth, but Moody surprisingly cut him off. "You may be the best damn strategist out there, Dumbledore, but I'm sorry to say it, you're too trusting."
Dumbledore didn't look offended at all, merely amused.
"Don't be sorry. Dissent and criticism is essential for avoiding groupthink," Dumbledore said calmly, as though this was a theoretical discussion. Severus was slightly offended at the idea that Dumbledore thought that trust him could be a result of groupthink and therefore a mistake, but before he could fully formulate that idea, Dumbledore spoke again.
"However, in this case, I am confident in my assessments," he said. "And I won't have anyone's loyalty being questioned." They stared at one another, the energy between them crackling.
"He was a Deatheater!" said Moody.
"Enough," surprisingly it was Sirius who spoke now. He had gotten to his feet. "Don't speak to him like that in my house."
Severus hid his surprise by looking down at the floor.
"If we're all done, I think we should start talking about how we intend to move forward," Remus said after the ugly silence stretched on for another moment.
"Wonderful idea!" Dumbledore said exuberantly. Moody gave a grunt of agreement and both he and Sirius took their seats, glaring at one another. Sirius, Severus figured, still harboured some resentment that the top Auror in the Auror service didn't look further into the deaths of James, Lily and Sirius' subsequent incarceration.
"What Severus has learned from his Ghangzou vision, and what I have confirmed with subsequent investigation, is that Voldemort is using Horcruxes to keep his soul alive." The tension was palpable. Remus mouthed 'horcrux' to himself in surprise and disgust.
"Where are they?" asked Moody after a moment.
"I don't know," Severus said after a moment, a little uncomfortable. He hated talking about the Ghangzou, but it was especially awkward in front of someone who already hated him.
"The Ghangzou directs you to important moments," Severus said softly. "That's how it speeds up time. You feel like you have been there for years, but really you are only living specific moments, like scenes from a movie. I can't remember what I didn't actually live through, just the scenes I actually did."
Moody gave some sot of snort. Sirius ran a hand through is hair.
"I know there are multiple horcruxes," Severus said, in a paltry attempt to offer something of substance.
"I do remember that James and Remus went to Albania and searched for one, but they were unsuccessful, at least on that trip," Severus continued, doing all that he could not to get lost in the memory.
"Well that's a start," Remus said, getting to his feet. "I can start with some of my old contacts there, see if they know anything."
Dumbledore nodded in acquiescence. His hands were steepled thoughtfully in front of his lips.
"I can start searching through old files at the Auror office," Moody offered, finally doing something other than glaring at Severus. "There may be something in there."
Dumbledore gave another nod.
"Alright," Dumbledore said thoughtfully. "That is a good place to start. Sirius, perhaps we can start rounding up some old contacts. Tell them as little as possible. I do not wish to cause panic nor pass secrets onto the wrong person." Sirius nodded.
He didn't ask what he should ask or how to approach the situation like Severus expected him to. He simply was going to figure it out and make it work. Just as he had done with getting over Azkaban, raising Harry and fixing Grimmauld Place. Stalwartness was not a quality Severus had imagined Sirius to be particularly blessed with and he found that he was a little impressed despite himself.
"And me, sir?" Severus asked when Dumbledore looked at though he was about to leave. Dumbledore considered him thoughtfully for a moment.
"For now Severus, I want you on the sidelines," Dumbledore said softly. "There may come a time where we do in fact need someone we can trust to infiltrate Voldemort's inner circle."
The very idea made Severus' gut turned to ice. He could feel Moody looking at him, but he continued to stare fixedly at Dumbledore. After a moment, Severus nodded his acceptance, both of the sidelines and of the role he knew in his gut he would have to play in the future.
"For now, perhaps I could use your considerable brain power as a sounding board for some theories," Dumbledore said, getting to his feet. "And do continue to keep an eye on Harry."
Dumbledore's eyes were sparkling with amusement. Severus nodded. He only had hours until he saw Harry. If he was going to do something, he had to do it then.
Hours later, Harry walked out of the Gryffindor common room and walked down the stone steps to the dungeon. On his way out of the common room he had gotten a few looks of sympathy and 'hang in there' comments from students who knew he had detention with Snape. Harry thanked them and looked appropriately despondent, but truthfully he was a little excited that he was going to actually be able to spend some time with Snape - not that he'd ever admit it to anyone.
The dungeons were cool and Harry could hear the sound of movement from behind Snape's door. Harry knocked on the door and pushed it open at the same time, trying not to look nervous.
"Evening, Potter," Snape said. He smiled at Harry, which was completely new. It was an awkward, tight smile, but Harry appreciated the effort.
"Good evening, sir," Harry said, smiling back.
"Well I don't have anything too strenuous for you," Snape said. "Those jars needs reorganizing and the shelves they are on dusting. That's all."
The fact that Professor Snape wasn't making him personally disembowel toads was a good thing. With a nod, Harry went to the shelf of odd potions ingredients and started to pull them off of the shelf. There silence in the room was companionable. It was still a little weird for Harry that Snape wasn't snapping at him, but every time Harry stole a glance over his shoulder, Snape was scribbling away on the essays he was marking. Harry dusted the shelves and started to alphabetize the neatly labelled potions ingredients, looking with disgust a some of the grosser additions: maggots, fly eyes and dead spiders. Half-way through, he pulled out a completely gross looking bottle of pink jelly without a label.
"Professor Snape, what is this?" asked Harry in disgust. Snape looked up from potion formula he was creating to the jar Harry was holding.
"Jellied frog brains," Severus said casually, turning back to his notes. "Bring it here, I'll label it."
"Gross!" Harry said with that mixture of interest and disgust only pre-teen boys pulled off as he walked it over to the desk. Severus looked up from the label he was writing and smirked at the look on Harry's face. Neatly, Severus stuck the label on the jar. He handed it back to Harry, who wrinkled his nose at the jar.
"You don't have any human parts, do you?" Harry asked, still looking around the different jars with disgust.
"Only the intestines of misbehaving students," Severus replied with mock seriousness. Harry let out a small, shy smile at that, and Severus couldn't help but smile back at him.
"Get back to those jars," Snape said, turning back his papers.
"Yes, sir." The companionable silence returned, broken only by the sound of Snape's pen on the parchment and the clink of glass as Harry organized the jars of ingredients. When the second hour was up, Harry almost felt a twinge of regret.
"Goodnight Professor," Harry said.
"Sleep well, Potter," Snape said with a nod of acknowledgement. "See you tomorrow."
Detention with Snape hadn't exactly been fun - it had been reorganizing potions ingrediants - but the next day Harry found himself looking forward to seeing Snape again. The thought embarrassed him a little - poor Harry so desperate for attention he enjoys detention - so he was careful to complain about it to Ron, Hermione and anyone else who asked. Nevertheless, he arrived at Snape's office at exactly 6pm and knocked on the door with a little twinge of anticipation.
"Come in," Snape called from the other side. He looked as serious and severe as always, but while he didn't exactly smile when he looked up at Harry, he did look a little pleased.
"Good evening, Potter," he said.
"Good evening, sir," Harry replied, a little nervously.
"You have the distinct pleasure of reorganizing the spare classrooms on the second floor tonight," Snape said, "It shouldn't take you too long, when you're finished come back and let me know and you can head back to your common room."
Harry's stomach dropped a little uncomfortably. He thought that he and Snape had had a moment last night, that maybe Snape was secretly enjoying spending time in detention as well. Now, Harry just felt embarrassed and stupid. He nodded quickly and walked up the second floor classrooms.
It wasn't until he actually walked to the second floor that Harry realized he was walking back towards where the creepy mirror was. He hesitated outside the door, but he there was no way he was going to tell Snape he wasn't going to finish his detention tasks. With a sigh, Harry pushed open the door and entered the room.
Fixedly ignoring the mirror. Harry started to organize the variety of old Christmas decorations waiting in a cardboard box. At first, Harry was able to focus on the mind-numbing tasking of untangling lights. After a while though, the thoughts of his mother and father began to take over, and he found himself looking over to the mirror more and more.
Finally, he couldn't resist it anymore and he walked over to stand in front of the mirror. With a blink, his Mother, Father, siblings, Snape, Pauline, Sirius and Remus all appeared smiling at him. Prepared for it this time, Harry grinned as Grace jumped up and down and waved at him. He waved back. When James and Lily looked down at him, their eyes were filed with tears.
"Can you hear me?" Harry asked tentatively. His parents just smiled and continued to stare at him, reminding Harry of a moving photograph. They moved and grinned, but they couldn't hear or see him. Harry sat on the ground in front of the mirror just to keep looking into their happy faces. Harry considered for a moment talking to them, just to see if it would feel anywhere near as good as it did in the Ghangzou world. Before he could, the door opened.
"Harry?" Snape said, pushing open the door. Harry scrambled away from the mirror "Are you - "
Snape stopped abruptly. He had caught his reflection in the mirror and did an almost comical double take. His lips parted slightly in surprise, which Harry had never seen before, as he studied the mirror's reflection. Harry had a brief moment to wonder what Snape was seeing before he cleared his throat, and turned his eyes away from the mirror to look at Harry. There was a moment of silence where Harry was unsure whether or not he was going to be yelled at, then something in Snape's softened.
"Come on," Snape said, his voice gentle. "You've done enough. Let's go have a cup of tea."
The moment Severus took Harry back to his apartment, he started to wish he had thought of something more original than 'tea'. He hadn't been on out flying for years, but at least Harry knew how to fly. He had no idea what he was going to talk to the boy about, certainly not the mirror, but he couldn't just leave him there.
Despite the fact that Harry's wardrobe had markedly improved since Sirius had taken him home over winter break, he had chosen to wear one of his over-sized, well-worn sweaters to do whatever dirty work he was required to do during detention. He had looked so young and sad and so, so lost with his large glasses, pale face and baggy sweatshirt. Severus knew exactly what the child had seen in the mirror and the thought of how similar their visions were made his throat ache with empathy.
Now though, in his functional, neat, but small and sparse apartment, Severus felt decidedly uncomfortable as he joined Harry at the kitchen table with a pot of tea and some biscuits.
"Cream and sugar?" Severus asked, breaking the silence for the first time since he started fussing with the teapot.
"No thank you, sir" Harry said meekly.
"How's your potions essay coming?" Severus asked jumping for the first topic he could think of. Harry blushed as though he had been rebuked.
"It's going well sir, thanks," Harry said. Clearly he hadn't started it. Dead air again. Severus felt extremely stupid. He had nothing in common with Harry. It was different in the Ghangzou world. He had helped raise the boy from when he was a toddler. He and that Harry had years of wiped noses, celebrations, hugs, and shared joy that Severus and this Harry simply didn't have. Plus, Severus doubted even the Ghangzou Harry, at 11 years old, wanted to hang out with his 'Uncle Sev'. What had he been thinking?
"Are you liking Quidditch?" Severus asked, trying to think of something that the boy would be excited about. Harry gulped down his tea in his haste to answer and choked on slightly coughing.
"Yes, sir," he said, blushing at his choking. The silence started again. Severus was grasping for another topic when Harry suddenly spoke.
"D'you know what that mirror is, sir?" Harry asked. Severus could tell that the question had taken a considerable amount of the boy's courage.
"The Mirror of Erised," Severus said, trying to sound blasé. "The inscription on the top of the mirror reads: 'I show not your face but your heart's desire', which, I believe, is an apt description of its function." Severus really did not want to keep talking about the mirror, so he took another sip of tea. Harry looked a little deflated.
"I figured it was something like that," he muttered, turning the teacup around in his hands. "But I thought maybe…" Harry drifted off, but before Severus could think of response, Harry took another deep breath and looked up from his tea to look Severus dead in the eyes.
"Sir, is there a way to talk to the dead?" he asked "I know - I know that magic can't bring them back or anything - but just talking?"
Harry continued to stare at Severus face, almost daring Severus to laugh, or blow him off, demanding to be taken seriously. Severus felt sick sitting there at the table with nothing to offer the child aside from tea and stale biscuits.
"Magic rarely extends to the dead, Potter, and when it does, it almost always brings more pain than solace," Severus said, doing the boy the courtesy of taking the question as seriously and unemotionally as Potter had.
"So no?" Harry said, trying not to sound like he was holding out hope.
"No, Potter. I'm sorry but the dead remain that way," Severus said, pretending not to notice how Harry's face fell.
"Right," Harry said, trying and failing to sound like he didn't really care on way or other. "Just thought I would check."
"Of course," Severus said. He knew it was costing the boy a lot to ask him this sort of question, and Severus was determined to be just as reserved and collected in his responses.
"The magical world is a lot different from the one you grew up in. It's natural to have questions." Harry nodded, still looking miserable.
"Hopefully, Mr. Weasley has been able to give you a feel for the magical world. I imagine he had lots of magic trinkets you hadn't seen before," Snape said, moving the conversation to something lighter. Harry smiled.
"Yeah we've played a ton of Exploding Snap and Gobstones and Wizard's Chess," Harry said enthusiastically. "I'm not very good though. He keeps beating me."
Snape raised his eyebrows at that. An idea coming to his mind.
"Well we can fix that," Snape said, walking over to the bookshelf and taking out his ill-used chessboard. "I happen to be very good at chess."
Harry grinned at him, looking truly excited.
"Really, sir?" Harry said, starting to take out the chess pieces the moment Severus put down the box. Severus nodded, setting up his own pieces.
It became easier after that. Having something to do, something to occupy the back of both of their minds so that there was no room for awkwardness made the conversation flow with ease. They talked about Quidditch, potions and Harry's classmates. Every once in a while, Severus would pipe up with chess tips when he saw Harry was about to make a mistake.
"Are you liking your classes?" Snape asked as he moved his knight out of the way of Harry's bishop. He could check the boy in three moves, but he didn't want to discourage him. Harry took a cookie from the tin on the table.
"Some," Harry said. "I like Charms, Transfiguration, Herbology is ok when we aren't dealing with really gross stuff. Defence Against the Dark Arts is cool and Potion - I'm getting better at." Severus couldn't resist smirking at that.
"I suppose we'll see when I get your essay next week," Snape said. Harry smiled, then moved his rook away from where it was protecting his king to take Severus' rook. It was too stupid of a move for Severus not to pounce on - the boy would never learn otherwise.
"What about History of Magic?" asked Severus taking Harry's rook.
"It's boring," Harry said with a sigh. A little surprised, Snape looked up at this. He imagined History of Magic was something that an 11-year-old boy would love. There were goblin riots, bloody battles, good-and-evil. It had always been one of Severus' favourites.
"I mean it's good, sir," Harry said quickly, taking Severus' surprise as rebuke.
"You really think it's boring?" Snape said, careful to keep his voice neutral. After studying him for a moment, Harry shrugged and nodded.
"Have you learned about the Giant Wars? Or the Mummy Curses?" Snape asked. Harry blinked a little stunned and shrugged.
"Err - " Snape was already on his feet heading towards his massive, crammed bookshelves. He didn't like to alphabetize his books - something about Vampire Hunting touching books about the French Revolution felt icky to him. He preferred a more natural method where books were organized loosely according to subject and what felt right on the shelf. He was very fond of this system, but it took him a few minutes to drag out a single volume for Harry: A Wizards History in Brief.
Harry accepted it skeptically.
"I know the title isn't thrilling, but it's a good read," Severus said. Harry had moved again, a pawn not noticing his King was in danger. With almost a regretful sigh, Snape king'd him.
"Checkmate," he said. Harry groaned then looked back at the book.
"It's close to curfew anyways, you should head to bed," said Severus a little sorry to see the boy go. Harry nodded.
"Thanks for the book," Harry said, as he carefully put the book in with his school books. There was no novels in his bags. Both Lily and James always had a book on hand. It was the only similarity Severus knew existed between the two of them.
"Do you like to read?" Severus asked suddenly. Harry looked up surprised at the question, as though he never really thought about it.
"I guess - I mean my Aunt and Uncle - I didn't have many books growing up, so I guess I don't know. I like the Chronicles of Narnia." Harry said flushing red and looking at his lap. There was an uncomfortable moment where Snape's heart twisted painfully. When he grew up, at least he always had a book to escape into. Depriving Harry of literature seemed almost as bad as being hard with food.
He looked over to his bookcase with a frown. Not much of his literature would be appropriate for an 11-year old. The only thing that might work was a very battered, beloved copy of the Hobbit that his Mother had given him. Before he even consciously made the decision to hand over one of his treasured possessions, he was taking it up off of the shelf.
"Here, try this," Severus muttered. Harry took the book carefully and looked up at Snape, who could tell by the look on his face that Harry knew something treasured was just handed over.
"Alright, thank you, sir," he said carefully tucking the book under his arm.
"And you should be getting to bed. It's almost curfew," Severus said. Harry's face fell slightly, so slightly Severus wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't been looking so hard. He stood up quickly and blushed.
"Right," he muttered. "Sorry, sir. Goodnight."
"One round of chess isn't going to do much for your game though, Potter. We could do this again, if you're willing," Snape said. Harry's face instantly brightened, and Severus thought he might actually feel his heart growing.
"Yeah! That would be great," Harry said, smiling as he walked through Snape's portrait hole.
"Alright then, sleep well, Potter," Snape said, feeling for the first time that he had actually done something that Lily would have been proud of. He frowned. It was the first time in a while he had thought of Lily.
His thoughts had mainly been with Pauline. In the last few days he had undoubtedly gained about five pounds of fat, but Pauline always smiled at him when he came in and even once the polite words were exchanged they would make chit-chat that was both extremely easy and horribly uncomfortable at the same time. Every time she'd whisk away from their conversation to help a customer, Severus would replay their conversation in his head, cursing himself for a stupid joke (even though she had laughed at it) and agonizing over the moments of silence. All-in-all it was stressful experience.
Severus went the next day with a particularly challenging potions problem along with him - Sirius had found a variety of oddly coloured, glowing decanters in Grimmauld Place and had wisely decided not to touch them. Severus was now flipping through tombs of dark potions texts trying to figure out exactly what they were. Although potions textbooks may not have been the most alluring bait for Pauline, they provided an excuse for him to sit there as the crowds thinned.
He smelled Pauline's rose-scented perfume before he saw her and immediately looked up as she removed the coffee cup from his table. She smiled.
"Some light reading?" she asked.
"Something like that," he said, looking around the empty cafe. He has been so engrossed reading about Ancient Potions - the most deadly of which Sirius' mother seemed to have bottled for decoration - that he hadn't noticed that he was the only person left in the cafe until the Pauline approached his table. He felt himself start to blush, not expecting to have found himself alone with her.
"Well, I have a bunch of dishes to do, you're free to stay until I lock up," she said, smiling at him again. God she was beautiful.
"Thank you," he said, taking the fact she was willing to let him stay as evidence she didn't despise his company. She nodded and walked towards the kitchen. Her tight jeans giving him a very appealing view of her behind. Immediately ashamed at himself, Severus whipped back around to focus on his book instead of Pauline's body. Disgusting leach.
Maybe he could walk her out to the floo afterwards, ask her about the new rose cupcake recipe she was trying, ask her if she needed any test subjects. Severus rolled his eyes at his own lame line.
"Just kiss her," Sirius had advised while attempting to remove 10 years worth of black mould off of the dining room wall.
"Dated a lot in Azkaban, did you?" Snape replied sourly. Sirius' jaw dropped in mock offence.
"You're a little sassy, you know that?" Sirius said with a laugh, turning back to scrub the wall. "You and Lily would have gotten on well." Sirius was facing the wall not Severus, so he hadn't seen the words wipe the smirk right off of Severus' face. It felt like a punch to the gut. Unlike James, Sirius has paid little attention to Severus or Lily until James had fallen in love with Lily and made accosting Severus his personal life mission. After all these years, Sirius had forgotten who Lily had initially befriended at Hogwarts.
"Anyways," Sirius said, jerking Severus out of his morose thought train and pointing the sponge at Severus. "Kiss her. Make it a good one. You don't get a redo on a first kiss."
Severus looked back at the old pages of his book. Lily. What would Lily think? She had never asked for his undying devotion, nor was she bitter or vengeful enough to hope eternally bind Severus to her memory, but for years Severus had lived with that ache. Remaining loyal to her in death seemed the only way to make up for the tremendous disloyalty he had shown in life.
Severus sighed and closed his book. Pauline had been like an electric shock to his dead battery of a a heart, but some things were simply meant to stay broken. Before he could stand up, there was a loud shriek and the cacophony of broken crockery. Severus jumped to his feet.
"Pauline?" he yelled racing to the back of the kitchen with his wand at the ready.
The kitchen was small and well-used, but clean. One wall was covered with hanging pots, pans and assorted baking supplies and the other was covered by an industrial sized cooling rack and over. In the middle was a sea foam, formica counter top covered in broken dishes, and Pauline who was pushing herself into the counter corners.
"Mouse!" she said, pointing a shaking finger into the corner. Sure enough a mouse was huddled in the corner, peacefully munching, something. Severus' heart declenched somewhat and he raised his arm.
"Avada -" the mouse ran.
"DON"T KILL IT!" she squealed before he could get out the second half of the killing curse. The mouse scurried across the floor towards Pauline who yelped again and jumped up on the counter-tops.
"Incarserous," Severus said, missing the mouse by inches and hitting a cabinet. The cabinet burst open and the mouse froze, staring at Severus with panicked eyes,
"Incarcerous," Severus said again. this time encasing the mouse in a small cage. The mouse squealed indignantly and started to run the length of the cage. Pauline and Severus stared at one another, then she burst out laughing.
"Are you alright?" Severus asked, unable to stop himself from chuckling as well.
"I'm sorry," she said, easing herself away from the kitchen cabinet but still being sure to give the entrapped mouse a wide berth.
"I'm not usually skittish," she said, kneeling down to start to pick up then broken dishes. "But something about mice freak me out."
"It's alright," he said leaning down as well.
"My mother would be so ashamed," she continued with her lilting laugh, taking up a piece of glass with a shaky hand. "Screaming over a mouse. How un-feminist of me. OW!"
The glass had cut her hand deeply and her pale hand and the glass instantly turned red. Without thinking, Severus took her hand in his.
"Accio." A white washcloth flew through the air into Severus' hand. He quickly pressed it against the cut. After a second, the bleeding staunched.
"Alright?" said Severus, a touch awkwardly. They were close together, and when she raised her face to look at him, he could see his reflection in her wide, golden eyes, the tiny cracks in her pale pink lips and the freckles on her dark skin. She nodded. His heart sped up. The smell of her perfume made his head spin. Almost involuntarily, he leaned a little closer. He expected her to move away, but she didn't. She blinked calmly back at him.
Without thinking it through - and Severus always thought everything through - he leaned forward and kissed her. She kissed him back. It made his blood feel carbonated. Between the squealing mouse, broken dishes and grease-streaked stove, the kiss deepened and Severus' heart soared. Just as he was trying to figure out where to put his hands, she reached up and rested her fingers on the back of his neck.
After a moment, they pulled apart. Severus blinked at her. He hadn't kissed someone in years. He had few sexual partners and nothing that could be described as a relationship. He had never been kissed like this. She tasted like sugar, and the thought of her pilfering buttercream icing out of the bowl made him smile.
"Sorry I - " Severus stopped, suddenly feeling horribly creepy. A Pauline might have found a different Severus attractive when he was years younger in a different world and had had his edges smoothed by years of living in James and Lily's loving, happy, welcoming home. This was a different world, a darker one with a darker Severus. What the hell would this Pauline want with him?
She leaned forward and kissed him again, a little softer and quicker. The insecurities floated back into his subconscious where they belonged.
"We should do this again," she said, inches from his overly large nose, she looked over to where the mouse was scrambling around his cage. "Maybe without the mouse next time."
Severus felt himself grin.
"Maybe with dinner?" he added, suddenly bold.
"With dinner sounds good," she replied with a smile.
After that they had got of the floor, kissed again and Severus, unsure of how to do this sort of thing properly, had simply gone home before his head exploded.
For the first time in his life, Severus understood why musicals existed. He felt that the only way he could truly give expression to his feelings would be if he and entire chorus of singers and back-up dancers crafting a routine with him, broke out into song. He had offered to take care of the little mouse that had frightened Pauline, but was feeling exceptionally fond of everything in the world, and had instead got the mouse a larger cage and some cedar shavings.
"Not a bad day, huh Frances?" asked Severus as the mouse explored his new environment. The mouse sniffed his or her little pink nose around the cage. Severus didn't know what the mouse's gender was and didn't care to find out. He simply picked a name that worked for either. The mouse raised its head from the pile of woodchucks. Severus scratched its head with a smirk, it really was a cute little thing.
Severus was basking in his rare moment of bliss when the fire flared green.
"Severus," said Dumbledore, his voice sounding weak and distant and his head did not appear in the fire. "I need your assistance."
With a frown, Severus stopped scratching his new pet and went directly to the fire.
"Headmaster's office," he said, throwing down the powder. He thudded through the fireplaces and landed hard in Dumbledore's office.
Fawkes squawked from his perch. Dumbledore was slumped sideways on his chair. The joy and excitement Severus had felt moments ago crashed down into desperate horror. Severus ran across the room and knelt down beside Dumbledore.
"Professor Dumbledore!" Severus said urgently. The light from the candle on Dumbledore's desk flickered eerily across his face, emphasizing the man's pallor and age.
"Headmaster," Severus said again, relieved to find that Dumbledore was breathing and his pulse, if slow, was still there. Still, he remained unconscious. With the grace and urgency of a child, Severus roughly shook Dumbledore's shoulders.
"Albus!" Severus all but yelled, his heart pounding. Dumbledore slowly opened his blue eyes. For a moment, they were flat and dull, but moments later, the sparkle returned.
"Ah, Severus," Dumbledore rasped, patting Severus' hand fondly. "Thank you for coming."
"What's happened?" Severus asked, raking his eyes over Dumbledore's body for the source of the injury. The moment he did, he saw it: Dumbledore's right hand, grey and shriveled. Without thinking or asking permission, Severus grabbed it in his hands. The veins on Dumbledore's papery hands were the colour of charcoal. It looked like Dumbledore had handled a cursed object, but surely he was too smart for that.
"What did you do?" Severus demanded angrily. If possible his heart sped up even more.
"Something I should not have done," Dumbledore said, looking at his hand with a sigh. Severus waved his wand over the hand, running various diagnostic spells. The Dead Man Walking Curse. A complicated curse even for the most talented witches and wizards it involved a week-long, slow, painful trajectory towards inevitable death. No one had ever survived it.
On the table, beside Dumbledore's hand, was a cracked, hideous ring. Dumbledore followed Severus' eye to it.
"Why would you touch it?" Severus all but spat Dumbledore.
Shockingly, an image popped into Severus' head of himself at 9 years old, walking with his Father while eating an ice cream cone. It was a rare, good moment between the two of them and the day had gone without incident until Severus, focused on the ice cream cone in his hand, had stepped onto the street without looking. His father's large hand had roughly seized Severus by the collar and yanked him backwards just as a car had spun around the corner towards him.
"What the HELL are you doing?" his Father had roared, his face twisted with rage, violence and something Severus couldn't quite distinguish. "You NEVER walk into the street like that again. Do you understand me?"
The day had deteriorated from there. His Father returned to being grumpy and distant and Severus had sulked for the rest of the day. Now though, looking at Dumbledore, Severus understood that the other emotion Severus had seen in his Father's face had been fear.
How could Dumbledore be so cavalier with his life? Did he not understand how much he meant to the war? to Severus? How lost they would all be without him. Severus only wished he could pull Dumbledore back from the ring by the scruff of his neck.
"We need to go to St. Mungos," Severus said, desperately trying not to panic. He cast several complex spells to stop the flow of poisoned blood through the rest of Dumbledore's system.
"No," Dumbledore replied, his voice firm for the first time in their conversation. Severus met his eyes in naked surprise.
"You can contain it here, can you not?" Dumbledore asked calmly.
"I am not a healer!" Severus sputtered indignantly. "You need to be examined by someone who is an expert in curse work. If there is any hope -"
"There is no hope," Dumbledore said with a smile that was disturbingly calm for his situation. He raised and hand and looked at it with mild curiosity.
"As for the person who could brew the remedies that would be able to contain the potion to my hand, I am very confident in your abilities, Severus," Dumbledore said, he blinked tiredly and sank further into his chair.
Severus was about to protest, but he knew Dumbledore too well. If the man has made that decision so firmly, it was for a good reason and his stubborn mind would not be shifted. Arguing about it was wasting time that Dumbledore did not have. Severus nodded curtly and swept back to the fireplace, wondering how, being as used to disappointment and misery as he was, he could be surprised that one of the best days of his life, could turn into one of the worst.
Please review :)
I know it may seem annoying or like it won't matter or like the author will no by psychic connection that you like the story but that's not how it works and I'd really love your thoughts.
Be kind, review! ; )
ps. One person asked why the title was in Irish (or Gaelic, I can't remember what s/he said exactly). It's just because it is the name of the New Years song. So if anyone else was curious about that, they ya go.