A/N: Ana's thoughts- 20 years later. Another short but sweet

I do not own the characters… for fun only.

I'm so achy. Everywhere. My arms, my legs, my lips… everywhere. I'm not complaining. Some husbands handle their mid-life crisis through illicit affairs with other women... Mine refurbishes the Red Room.

Then he takes me…again and again and deliciously again.

Naturally, he didn't tell me anything about renovating the playroom, but I knew he was excited about something. He gets a special twinkle in his eye with two different scenarios—when he's about to crush someone in a business deal and when he has a surprise for me. He dropped a few hints but wouldn't fess up no matter how many sexual favors I promised. He was so energized, practically giddy, like a little kid on Christmas Eve. I love that playful element of Christian.

Once the refurbishing was completed, he took me to Escala for the unveiling. That night we had, as my darling husband so eloquently termed, a weekend long "Fuck-a thon." It was exhausting and heaven all wrapped up into one delicious memory.

There was a time when I would have thought this kind of "surprise" was more for him, but truth be told, I love going in the Red Room too. It's a part of us. The longer we're together, the more adventurous we became. He trusted me to communicate and I trusted him with my body (and soul). We're married twenty years and although we live mainly at the Big House on the Sound, we held onto Escala for our date nights of kinky fuckery.

To this day, I still get a rush when I get a surprise mid-afternoon text from Christian saying:

"Escala 12:00. Be Ready"

Knowing my Fifty, he's already checked my calendar... or ordered Hannah to rearrange it. It should anger me… his meddling in my day… but I get such a thrill being with him, it doesn't. I love that he desires me as much as he did the day we met. That has never changed. Luckily, my stamina has met up with his because my man is simply insatiable. I love it. I love him. I love our kinky fuckery.

We've come such a long way from our beginning. I wondered to myself many times if we were going to go the distance. Christian can be challenging and at times closed-off and brooding. If something is bothering him, it's like pulling teeth the extract it. At times it's so frustrating, but I know that's the just the way he's wired. His goal in life is to keep me and the kids safe and happy. His way of dealing with these goals is to internalize his fears for our safety and well-being. I've learned to read his moods better. I know when to confront him and when to just let it lie. His actions are always from a good place, he just tends to go to the extreme when it comes to our family.

We've had our arguments over the years. Some of them felt like World War Three. The heat between us palpable. Two stubborn fools. These fights always end in the most amazing make-up sex: tender, loving, and sweet... or wild and mind-blowing. I'm not sure which one I like better.

Luckily I'll never have to choose.

My faith in us...Our faith in us...helped us through the bumps. I learned to believe in myself and stop listening to that nagging voice that told me I'd never be enough for him. I was enough. I was exactly what he needed. He wanted the light. He needed the light. And I was his light... as he was mine. The darkness is gone. His old life is gone. Bitch Troll is probably perusing some high school, in her leather garter belt and support hose, searching for her next victim.

His demons may never be gone completely, but they've quieted.

Together we are blinding light; splendid, joyous, wondrous light.

It warms my heart to watch him flourish as a father. For a man who was terrified at first, he was a natural. From playing trains with Teddy to dolls with Phoebe, fatherhood was his destiny. I'd catch him watching the kids in sheer wonderment. Even now, with the kids older, he's always present and there for them. Our family, our incredibly beautiful family, gave him the sense of peace he always searched for. He recognized that we're here to stay, forever, never abandoning him. We are a unit. Like me, he cherished us, as a couple and our family and never took any of it for granted.

My beautiful, too handsome for his own good, Fifty. We are each other's first love. Only love. Christian may have had a past...but he never had what we share. Intimacy... trust… unwavering true love. It's the core of what we are.

I will love this man until the day I die and I know he feels the same.