A/n: Hey again! If anyone had to wait for the second Chapter, I'm very sorry. I have exams, so it was hard to find the time to write a chapter of decent length.

Chapter 2: Changing Tracks

Edward leaving left me slightly bewildered and forlorn, like being abandoned by the only person you know at a new school. I had been aware of his presence on some level, all the way through my transformation. It felt wrong not to have him near any longer. But I wanted him to go back to normal again as much as the others. The way he'd talked back in the room upstairs had made it clear how far his mind had been stretched. Even a vampire could only endure so much before breaking.

My breath was cut off by a sudden and overwhelming heat, exploding in my heart and spreading all over my body in one quick blaze. My muscles froze and my head snapped back to Jasper, who had just slightly brushed my shoulder to lead me to the back door.

I was quick enough now to see Jasper's eyes flash to Alice for the tiniest part of a second, his body tensing, ready to protect her from me. "Is there something wrong?" He asked cautiously, all suspicion and fear gone from his expression. More intense calm overwhelmed me, almost numbed me too much to respond. But my extremities were still tingling with the aftertaste of the acute pain attack.

"Yeah…you just startled me." I explained with a sheepish smile.

I noticed even my lying had improved since the change. But why was I lying? What had happened? I'd immediately recognized the pain, I'd been only recently released from it. But the venom had done its work. The conversion was complete. It was supposed to be over. Three days of burning was part of the price to pay. I'd paid it.

"Let's go then. You need to feed." Jasper insisted, but refrained from making physical contact this time.

It hadn't been easy for Jasper to convince Alice not to come. As a compromise, I'd had to allow her to choose my hunting outfit. I'd meant to roll my eyes and grunt at her ridiculous demand, but a growl had come out instead, startling me more than her.

Strangely, even though she'd helped me change into a new set of 'stylish but outdoorsy' clothes, she'd seemed very careful not to make any skin contact. She'd also refrained from making me look in the mirror. Had Jasper asked her not to do those things, or had she seen something bad happening if she did? Would I hurt her? What if I couldn't handle seeing my new self? What if I couldn't handle being a vampire?

Another fit of searing pain tore through me just before I heard Jasper call out my name and realized he'd caught my arm. I hadn't been paying attention to where we were going, or to his presence next to me. The pain shocked me enough that I pulled my arm away too roughly and hissed at Jasper.

"What's wrong?" He demanded once we'd both come to a stop. It was fully dark now but I could perfectly see the puzzled and worried expression on his face. "I don't feel the same emotions in you I used to feel in newborns. You don't seem very agitated or upset, only your reaction to touch seems normal for a newborn."

Could Jasper feel my physical pain through his senses? Hadn't Edward told me he only felt and controlled emotions?

"I'm sorry…I don't really understand my own reactions at the moment." I said, remembering how I'd hissed at Carlisle and Alice and Jasper.

"See, you're not supposed to be so collected!" He sounded frustrated. "You're supposed to be going wild for blood, human blood. Not discussing your emotions with me."

I stared blankly at him. I wasn't prepared for this. It was barely a few weeks since Jacob had inadvertently told me about the existence of vampires. And now I was one. How was I supposed to know how they acted? How I acted?

"Don't you smell that?" Jasper called my attention back to the surroundings. We were standing among the trees, on the almost frozen ground. Alice had put me in leather boots, but I was certain the cold and damp earth wouldn't have bothered me if I'd been barefoot.

Since Jasper had spoken about smell, I put my nose to work. I smelled the earth; I smelled the river, snaking close-by, the living wood of the trees, the traces of fur left by the inhabitants of the forest. I followed those traces, concentrating on the direction it took. I started moving to increase my smelling range. Jasper was right behind me.

"You should've smelled it by now. It should've been the first thing you noticed. You should've brought them down already." I heard him say, but more to himself than to me.

I didn't understand what he was talking about, until I finally sensed it. About a mile away to the west, something warm, heavy, viscous. A rhythmic rush of thick liquid, accompanied by heartbeats, some quicker than others.

We reached them in a few seconds. A small herd of deer, packed together for warmth. I stopped a few yards away, completely still. The animals didn't detect us.

"What are you waiting for?" Jasper whispered almost inaudibly behind me. "Don't you want it? Don't you crave it?" His voice shook on the word 'crave'. He sounded pained, distressed, like he was fighting the craving he was talking about.

There was a sharp intake of breath, and then he was gone. The next thing I knew one of the deer was down and he was bent over it, his head lowered towards its small and delicate neck. I watched it happen. I watched how Jasper was so thirsty for the liquid I could smell clearly now that it was exposed, how he greedily drank it in a feeding frenzy.

I'd only ever seen something like it when my mother ate limes. Sometimes, usually in the summer, she'd start craving limes. And when she finally got her hands on one she would devour it like she hadn't eaten in weeks. I'd never understood it. I'd tried to taste the lime once, when I was ten, but it had been too sour for me.

My reaction here was not only one of non-understanding, but of disgust. How could anyone like to suck out the blood from a living animal? The sound of Jasper drinking made me wince.

I also felt slightly shocked. The deer had been killed so suddenly. It was so quick. I'd never been a vegetarian before, I wasn't against eating meat, but it didn't mean I'd like to see the animal get killed in front of me; life being drained away. Most people don't want to see it, and certainly not do it themselves.

I stayed where I was, yards away from Jasper and his meal while I watched in horror. Horror because I understood I was supposed to be there with him. I was thirsty, my throat was burning and it was getting very uncomfortable, but I couldn't do it.

"Bella?" Jasper had finished and turned to look at me. He was back with me in a split second. "Why didn't you attack? Was I too quick? Didn't you have time to catch one?" He wondered doubtfully, for in what world could a deer outrun a vampire?

"Yes." Was all I could find to say. How could I say it? How could I admit I was disgusted by the blood? It even made me slightly queasy. A weak echo of what I'd felt during blood-typing in Biology class.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "I was very thirsty myself. It's been too long since I hunted. Let's go after the deer that got away. They can't be very far." He said as he started to move.

"No!" I exclaimed hastily. He froze and turned to me questioningly. I could almost feel it in his gaze that he was prodding me with his 'sixth sense'. I tried not to betray my feelings and put them away in a box. "I want to see Edward." I admitted. It was an excuse, but it was true. I really wanted to have Edward with me. His arms had been around me for the whole transformation. I needed that protection, that security again. I was starting to get anxious and worried. Something was clearly wrong. The lingering fire, the disgust of blood,…

Jasper scrutinized me for a while before giving in; but in the end did not seem to be able to detect what I'd quickly hidden away from him. I saw his hand approach to touch my shoulder reassuringly, and so I had time to brace myself.

The pain was no less for it. The urge to scream was almost too much to bear, but luckily his hand dropped away before any sound could escape my mouth. I kept my face smooth and my body still until he turned around and led the way back to the house. Once his eyes weren't one me anymore, I allowed the smallest shiver to shake me; a reaction of my powerful muscles to the flash of burning agony. What the hell was wrong with me?

I'd barely set foot in the house when Edward's smell and arms enveloped me. My own arms wrapped around his to keep them in place, though he was holding me so tight I didn't think he'd let go anytime soon.

"Seriously!" Emmett rolled his eyes at us. "I couldn't even get him to concentrate to finish one measly race." He complained.

Rosalie sighed in what I guessed was exasperation and disappeared towards the garage without a single glance to the rest of us. Me being the strongest creature in the house did not make her any less intimidating.

Then it hit me. I was a vampire. If I wanted to be part of the Cullens, I'd have to spend eternity with Rosalie too. I'd have to somehow live with her. But what if she never stopped hating me? I wasn't even sure why she didn't like me. What could I do? Would I ever dare talk to her?

"How did it go?" Carlisle asked Jasper once he'd taken a seat next to Alice. Edward pulled me with him to the couch opposite them, and Emmett, Carlisle and Esme also took their seats.

"I'm not sure. She doesn't respond the way I expected. Maybe the hunting trip was too soon for her."

I didn't like much being talked about as if I weren't present, but it seemed I was the one who knew the least about what I was and who I was at the moment.

"Bella, how much did Edward tell you about us, about our lives and rules?" Carlisle asked me.

I instinctively looked at Edward, not certain if I was looking for approval or reassurance. But he gave me both with a slight nod. His thumb kept stroking my palm. I turned my eyes back to the circle, all but Rosalie watching me carefully, but warmly. I felt a touch courage, not from me, so it had to be Jasper. He seemed to have given up on calming me, there was no immediate need for that.

"Not much. A little about your diet, about hunting… About other kinds of vampires." I dug into my misty human memories, remembering pieces of the research I'd done on my own, on my old computer in my room. It brought my mind back to Charlie for a moment. Charlie was a huge problem, but I did not even know how to go about finding a solution for it. I pushed it back for now. "I know the conversion lasts three days, but I did not know any details on the kind of pain…" I felt Edward stiffen next to me and immediately stopped talking.

"Yes." Carlisle continued, feeling the tension emanating from his adoptive son and trying to dissipate it. "We're all extremely sorry you had to go through this, Bella. None of us wanted you to have to join us." I felt a sting in my heart at his words. But he immediately added, "It is a joy for all of us to have you in our family of course." He left out the fact that Rosalie wasn't here to protest. "But none of us made the choice to live this kind of life, and it is unfair that you did not have that choice either. Your humanity was taken from you because we were too late." Regret resonated deeply inside his voice. I wanted to tell all of them it wasn't their fault, that I didn't blame them, but I didn't want to interrupt Carlisle. "There are lots of things that need to be discussed, that you need to learn. There are also issues at hand that need our attention. I received several phone calls from your father over the last few days. I have managed to convince him you and Edward had had a fight but that you were talking it out in Phoenix. But he will soon expect your return, and your friends must wonder where you are."

I looked down at my hands, intertwined with Edward's. I felt no pain at the touch of his skin. I wondered for a moment if it was only a reaction to Jasper, then directed my attention back to the problem. "Yes," I agreed, feeling like lead was filling up my heart. "Angela, Mike, Jessica…they probably noticed my absence." I saw their faces in my head, their smiles on the beach in La Push. I'd never gotten close to them, but the possibility of never seeing them again hit me harder than I would've expected.

"It's all right." Alice's bell-like voice had an uplifting effect on the general mood. "I see no big trouble in the near future. Bella can miss a week or two of school without raising too much suspicion. We can say she broke a leg in Phoenix. Everyone can believe that, and it isn't even a lie."

Edward's head snapped towards Alice and a furious hiss escaped his throat. Jasper responded by half-shielding Alice with his body.

"It's not a time for fights." Esme soothed in a soft but authoritative tone. I imagined that she would have proposed to make tea or coffee at this point, if any of us had been inclined to drink it.

"There is one last important thing I'd like to bring up at the moment." Carlisle continued, determined to get to the bottom of things. His expression turned more worried and analytical. Something I associated with his doctor-side. "Bella, you need to understand the situation was very critical. For your sake and for Edward's, we had no choice but to give you something you might not have accepted had you been in your right mind."

"Yes," I interjected before he continued. "I remember. It's okay though. I understand your decision."

"You remember?" It was Edward this time who asked me, sounding surprised.

"Yes," I told him. "I remember a moment in the car, I…know…how hard it was." I carefully avoided mentioning Edward's name. "I don't remember you giving me the drug, but I remember that the pain, the heat dimmed afterwards. It helped. It was the right decision."

Everyone seemed to exhale together, which was strange. I'd never been so aware of any Cullen's air flow. I still remembered them as the still and silent group in the cafeteria, staring at the walls; and feeling like there was some kind of secret conversation going on I couldn't follow.

"I'm very relieved to hear you say that, Bella. I've never been less sure if I made the right decision. I'd taken some of the drug from the hospital with the intention of analyzing it myself, not using it. But it seems we've been lucky it was still in my car."

I only smiled. I realized I'd have to tell Carlisle the truth at some point. He was studying the drug, intending to use it. He had to know the effects it had before he gave it to anyone else. But I still wasn't sure what it was that had gone wrong. Maybe the drug had nothing to do with my strange reactions. I decided to let it rest for now. I was starting to feel uncomfortable here. I was itching for something, I wanted something, but wasn't sure what…

"So, the Volturi are the ones who hold everyone to the rules?" I repeated after Edward.

"Yes." He confirmed. "Just the one rule, really." He adjusted.

The night was slowly evolving into early morning, and Edward had spent most of it explaining all the things I needed to know. I suspected him of editing out quite a few things he deemed still too shocking for me. I didn't push any further though, I made a few mental notes, knowing I wouldn't forget a single one, and decided I would ask one of the others later. Jasper or Emmett wouldn't be so careful about my feelings.

But Edward's behaviour towards me was making me…somewhat…on edge. I had been absolutely delighted when he'd kissed and touched me, before Phoenix. I still liked it now, only God knew how those lips still made my head turn, but…something about it now was suffocating. He was constantly touching me, constantly keeping around me, hovering, protective… And his reactions to others approaching me were way overboard. His mood swings making the whole even worse. He hadn't broached the subject again, but his guilt and self-loathing were clear enough in his eyes and stance, often it followed a sudden burst of passionate affection, like kissing me. I found that the more I responded to that passion, the guiltier and more disgusted he felt. But if I held in my own feelings and avoided his touch, he would be hurt by the rejection, and continue his self-loathing in a 'I deserve it' sort of way.

He tried very hard to keep all this from me. But the little things that I'd had trouble noticing with my human eyes, were much more flagrant now. Tiny eye-movements, changes in breathing, muscle-spasms,... All these were nearly impossible to miss. It was not easy reading him, but it was easier than before.

Edward's hand was still on my wrist. We were seated on the couch in his room, surrounded by all his music. But tonight, his sound system was silent. This conversation was important, and my new mind was so much more easily distracted. Just the sound of animals outside, or of others in the house were making it hard to focus at times. And my fascination with watching the small changes in Edward's expression made me miss entire minutes of explanation. He'd had to start over a few times.

I stood up and walked over to the window through which he sometimes left the house. I felt a sudden relief. It disturbed me when I recognized it as the absence of Edward's touch. Though I craved it, at the same time, I was able to breathe a little easier without it. I frowned as I watched a squirrel sneaking from tree to tree. Everything was still dark, but there was more action going on in the forest than I would've imagined.

"What are you thinking?" His voice asked roughly from behind me. A tiny smile appeared on my lips. He was still as frustrated by my 'silent mind' as he'd always been. At least one thing hasn't changed.

"Keeping the secret, the only rule." It wasn't like I would ever even consider telling Charlie or my mother, or Angela… But the fact that I was forbidden to do so, that this was an unbreakable secret between me and them, made the gap so much larger, the barrier so much more impenetrable. Even more so because I realized I could never see them again. They would see the difference, they would wonder, ask questions. Questions I wasn't allowed to answer.

And what I if I was a danger to them?

I didn't hear Edward move. I was slightly taken aback when I felt his arms wrap around me from behind. I sighed and slid out of his grip. He let me go. He didn't have enough strength to keep me there anyway. I didn't look at his face, I knew this gesture would hurt him.

"Edward, please…" I begged.

"You need time alone?" He asked, his tone raw with all the conflicting emotions playing inside him.

"Yes." I answered in a barely audible whisper. My own conflicting desires, wanting him with me and wanting to be alone, made my voice waver.

I didn't hear a single brush of fabric, not a whisper of air flow, but I knew he was gone. The outside air coming from the opened window invaded my nose, and the noises of the forest were less muffled.

I didn't mind the cold or the noise, so I left the window open, and went to sit on the couch again. I found that the seated position was equally comfortable as the standing one, but I was used to sit down to concentrate. Some human habits hadn't left me in the fire.

Edward had said that I didn't realize what my life would be like now, that he had ruined it for me. So I decided to use my alone time now to ponder that. What would my life be now? Could I use my performent brain like a computer and run a simulation of it? What variables did I need to input?

First, I had now completely switched environments. I would no longer live with Charlie, never return to my mother, never go back to my friends in Forks High School. I would live with the Cullens, go where they went, and play the same pretend-game they did, as part of their coven, their family.

Second, and this one was kind of hard to wrap my mind around, I would live forever. Or at least as long as living on earth was possible. It was ridiculous to even consider that yet, so I skipped it.

Third, my life tracks, which before were leading me to graduation, college, a job; they were gone. Wiped out. My existence would be nothing like the others around me, the ones I'd always known. I could and probably would go to college, like the other Cullens, but I would go dozens of times, maybe hundreds of times. It would mean less than nothing to me after some time, wouldn't it? And my experience of it would never be the same as my classmates. It would never be the real student life. The same went for any kind of future job I could get. I would always be a vampire first, a student or employee second.

Fourth, the physical implications. I was now much stronger, and would have to be more careful around everyday objects, and other living beings. I would no longer sleep, dream, eat food, drink water, have dinner with friends, have popcorn at the movies,… I would go hunting in isolated areas, attack animals and suck out their blood. Again, a sick feeling invaded my stomach at the memory of Jasper doing just that. How in the name of his freakin' holiness would I ever be able to get over it and do that? It disgusted me to my core. If anyone else did it, it was okay. It was the way it worked, predator and prey. It was natural for the Cullens. It wasn't for me. That was a definite problem.

Update: Hi again. I notice many people pass through but don't leave any reviews. To be honest, it makes me feel like no one is reading the story and it discourages me. :(
I'd be so incredibly happy if you all just left a bit of proof that you've passed through and liked it. :) Pretty please?

I wouldn't be asking if it didn't matter to me.

Thank youuu!

Aoiika