Chapter 3: HuntingNot

"Bella?"

My eyes were closed, but I could make out the grey morning light filtering through my eyelids. I groaned internally. This meant I'd have to get up, get dressed, go to the damn school again, survive.

"Bella!" The voice was insisting. How annoying. I'd get up in a minute. Charlie was probably already gone so… who was it?

My eyes flew open, the world of Edward's bedroom revealed to me in full detail. Of course it was his voice, how could I not have known that?

"Bella, were you sleeping?" He asked, sounding dumbstruck and incredibly worried at the same time. I hadn't heard that tone in a week, since my last failed attempt at hunting with Alice, when I'd run away from the bear who was attacking me, even though Alice had assured me it couldn't put a scratch on me. I just hissed and ran. It had made Emmett laugh for twenty-four hours straight, and Rosalie snort every time she saw me. But the others had taken it much more seriously, though they now made sure to keep their voices casual and light around me. But I knew they were just hiding their distress, just as I was hiding mine.

I'd gotten better at controlling my reactions to being touched. It turned out that every time any living thing except Edward touched me, I got a shock of pain. Needless to say, I was avoiding touching as much as possible, sitting in the single chair in the living room, always moving a step back whenever someone came close to me, keeping a touch-free zone around me. But I still couldn't avoid all of it. Esme sometimes felt the need to give me a hug, which would have been heart-warming hadn't I been in blazing agony every time. My heart was being scorched instead of warmed.

It also made the hunting issue even worse. Whatever anyone said about grizzly's and mountain lions being unable to hurt me, I knew better. The whole struggle with the animal would be intensely painful, as long as my skin was in contact with it. Drinking the blood would be sickening, killing the animal would be horrifying. Could anyone blame me for running away and saving the bear's life under these circumstances?

Only, no one knew the circumstances. I hadn't talked yet to Carlisle about the pain, and hadn't told anyone how I felt about the blood, even though my throat felt bone dry with thirst.

Edward helped me up from his couch. He'd left me alone again last night, when I'd shied away from his touch again. And now it was morning, how had that happened?

But I was certain I'd been to school yesterday, I'd had biology with Edward, had lunch with Angela, and Lauren had turned into a human-sized chicken and…. Oh.

Yeah, that was probably a dream. Wait…what?

My expression must've been one of utter confusion, because a deep frown appeared on Edward's face as he rubbed my upper arm. "Are you all right?" I made a non-committal sound. "Bella, don't lie to me."

"I…I didn't." I hadn't said anything. How could I have lied?

"You were sleeping!" He sounded almost accusing. "You didn't hear or feel or smell me when I came in. You were unconscious!"

"I was just distracted." I tried to defend myself. "I was just thinking…."

Edward sat down next to me and sighed. I pulled my knees to me chest to make room for him. He refrained from touching me, as he did more often now, sensing when I couldn't stand it any longer. "You're hiding things from me." He said sadly, looking at the opposite wall.

"You are too." I knew he was hiding his real thoughts. Everyone was. Only Emmett and Rosalie were ever honest.

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked, his voice still heavy with deep buried sadness and pain.

"Edward, you don't have to leave the house all the time. I just need some space. If I had my own room, I could just stay there and you wouldn't have to leave."

"No." He simply said in a robotic tone. "I meant, do you want me to leave for good?"

My eyes widened in horror as I understood. "NO!" I all but yelled. I was sometimes feeling a little crowded with 'Edwardness', but I never ever wanted to have to live without him, without seeing him. No, Edward…Edward was…he was mine. He couldn't go anywhere! He just couldn't!

"It's all right." Edward said a little bit louder for the benefit of the others in the house, who'd probably been alarmed by my raised voice. I felt Jasper's reassurance, the feel-good wave he gave me these days.

"Are you sure?" He asked, not sounding convinced by my reaction. "I've been wondering if it would be better for you."

"Absolutely not." I protested, intending to make things very clear. "Listen, Edward," I took his hand in mine and he finally turned to look at me, "I may have some trouble now, but it isn't your fault. None is! And whatever you may think, you don't need punishment, and I need you here. So don't go. Please."

His currently black eyes began to burn again with the passion that had showed itself from time to time. But instead of roughly pushing me against a wall or something, like he'd done before, this time he only gently brushed my cheek with the back of his hand and kissed me lightly at the corner of my mouth. I kissed him back fiercely, capturing his lips to show him just how much I wished he would stay here.

He pushed me back after a minute, I insisted at first, but then he put all his force into it, and I found that he could actually push me away. I was alarmed, and I pulled back before he could notice my lack of strength.

"Bella, Stop." He said as he stroked my throat. "We need to go talk to Carlisle about you sleeping."

"But I wasn't…"

"You were." He cut me off. "I know what you look like sleeping. I've seen it enough." He added with a twitch at the corner of his mouth; as if he were having an inside joke.

"What do you mean?" I demanded with a frown.

"Never mind." He shook his head, his smile gone, evaporated. His eyes were fixed on my throat again, which he was still stroking with a butterfly touch. "Aren't you thirsty? You must be in pain."

"A little." I admitted. I wished his fingers still felt cool to my skin like before. It would have relieved the burn in my throat a bit.

"I'd feel much better if you fed at least once." He said in a soft, but insisting voice, like he was trying to convince a child to drink bad-tasting medicine. "Would you do that for me?"

I sighed. How was I supposed to say no when he spoke like that? He was killing me with tenderness. "Let's go to Carlisle." I said as I stood up, choosing to evade the issue. I didn't fool him, but he didn't say a word and followed me to Carlisle's office, where I'd seen the painting of him and the Volturi a week ago as Edward had explained the rules to me.

Knocking wasn't necessary. Carlisle had heard me coming and he said 'enter' as I reached the door. He was sitting behind his desk as usual, surrounded by his books. I wondered how many he could read in a week. And even more dizzying, how many he'd read in his entire existence.

"Is there a problem?" He asked politely, letting his doctor side take over.

"Yes." Edward immediately answered, his worry seeping through his usually tightly controlled voice. "I found Bella this morning, sleeping."

Carlisle wasn't able to hide the flash of surprise that covered his features for a split second. After he'd recomposed them again, he stood up and walked around his desk, offering me to sit in one of the chairs. I realized with horror that I'd have to be touched again. But I did not protest and the man I would maybe one day call father began examining me, much in the same way he would've done with a human. Only I knew he was looking for very different things. The fire spread from where his fingers made contact with my body. I pursed my lips to try and keep a straight face.

After a short moment of inspection he turned to look around his office. His eyes stopped on his desk. "Could you lift my desk for a moment?"

It was a strange question. I saw that Edward didn't really understand. I would have been puzzled too, if I hadn't experienced my loss of strength this morning. Was that what Carlisle was looking for?

I stood up, did as he asked and put my hands under the desk, pushing it upward. It lifted easily off the ground, even with the computer and all the books on it…at first. It didn't take very long for me to feel that my muscles were straining to keep the weight in place above the ground; and just a few moments later, my arms started shaking. In my defence, it was a really big desk.

"All right, put it back down." Carlisle ordered and I was relieved to put the weight down. "It was hard for you, wasn't it?" He said as I turned back towards them. Edward was standing behind Carlisle, his face unreadable.

"A little." I admitted. They'd seen my arms shake, I couldn't really deny it.

"It shouldn't have been a problem at all." The doctor said in a grave tone. He repositioned himself so he was both facing me and Edward. "I have to be honest, I have never seen a vampire sleep before. I have no idea what it means. I'll have to look into it. But my guess is it's an effect, just like the loss of strength, of blood-deprivation. Usually, it takes much longer for a vampire to lose such significant amount of power, but you being a newborn, Bella, changes things. You lost a lot of blood before the change, the conversion itself takes up a lot of energy. The drug I gave you may have had more side-effects than we thought. All this amounts to you growing steadily weaker, to the point that you would need sleep again, apparently. I think feeding has become absolutely necessary."

"What will happen if she doesn't?" Edward asked, his voice strained.

"I don't know." Carlisle answered sombrely. "I've never seen it happen. The problems were always solved with feeding, and feeding was never a problem."

"That's it." Edward snapped. He grabbed me by my arm and pulled me out the room and down the stairs, straight to the back door.

"Wait," I said in panic, trying desperately to put it off. "Alice needs to prepare my clothes!" Seriously, Bella? Couldn't find anything better?

"We're going hunting, now." He growled, almost unhinging the door as we burst outside.

I couldn't find any other excuse, so I followed him into the depths of the forest, bathed in the early morning dew.

To the usual sick feeling and anxiety that accompanied my failed attempts at hunting was now added another kind of apprehension. It was the first time I went out with Edward, and I didn't want to let him down, didn't want to look ridiculous; which I would, being the worst hunter in vampire history.

Edward tracked down a few moose. And though my throat flamed when I heard their heavy heartbeats, I could find no trace of desire for their blood in me. The animals looked so meek and peaceful. There seemed to be no justifying attacking them. I was turning into a tree-hugger wasn't I?

Edward's hands wrapped around my waist, lifted me off the ground and set me down in front of him, with my back to him, facing the moose.

"Look at them, Bella." He whispered into my ear. "Do you hear that rush? Can you taste that smell, that heat?" Yes, I could, but I did not feel as entranced by it as he sounded. "When you were still human," he continued, "your smell was…absolutely indescribable. The mere thought of it makes my venom flow. It was so sweet and enveloping, so potent, so warm… When I fled Forks, ran away from you, I thought I would lose my mind if I ever smelled you again.

Bella, you have to find that somewhere in you. You have an instinct in you, you were reborn with it." His hand wrapped around my throat. "You feel that heat right here? You can make it go away. All you have to do is use this." Now he touched my lips, slid his fingers between them and ran them over my teeth. I was thinking more about his touch, his smell, than about anything he was talking about. I had forgotten the moose entirely. I began sucking on his fingers. They tasted good.

"Bella?" The surprise made him raise his voice, and the moose got scared away, quickly shuffling away among the trees. Edward sighed again. "Oh Bella. What am I going to do with you?" He let his forehead fall upon my shoulder. His beautiful wild hair tickled my neck, my ear and my jaw. I couldn't stop my hand from moving up and stroking it. I'd done it, I'd disappointed him. A sombre feeling crept its way into me.

"I'm sorry." I whispered sheepishly.

His head snapped up suddenly after a few seconds. "Follow me." Was all he said as he set off in the direction the moose had taken. I did as he asked, still feeling bad for making it so hard on him. It was difficult though, I was significantly slower and couldn't keep up with him so easily. I fell slightly behind, and by the time I'd caught up with him, following his scent, he'd caught up with one of the moose and brought it down. It now lay lifeless on the mossy forest floor; the scent of its exposed blood was strong in the air.

"Come here." Edward patted the ground next to him. I approached slowly. I was grateful I hadn't seen him kill the animal, but seeing it dead was just as saddening, if less horrifying. I could only hope it hadn't suffered.

I crouched down next to Edward. I could feel the heat of the moose's body radiating from it. It was like an open oven, so hot. I was close enough to touch, but I refrained from it. I didn't want to disturb it, the silence and stillness of death. But Edward didn't feel the same way. He bent down over its neck, like I'd seen Jasper, Alice and Emmett do before. It was almost a tender gesture as his lips made contact with the skin. His pale fingers tangled in the thick fur, his breathing sped up. I was mesmerized by the image of Edward in that same feeding frenzy, that trance of delight.

It seemed to take tremendous effort to part from the animal's vein. But after a moment of struggle, he succeeded. Edward then turned back to me, his shirt still spotless. His fingers released the fur and now tangled in my hair and held my chin in place as his mouth crushed mine. He pulled at my chin, making it clear I was to part my lips. I did so.

The taste was assaulting, the consistency revolting. The viscous liquid flooded my mouth, coming from Edward's. My response was immediate. I turned away and spit it all out, covering the ground in tiny flecks of scarlet, and my clothes along with it. I felt it trickle from the corners of my mouth. A part of my mind thought I must really look like the Halloween vampire now.

But Edward's hands were immediately back, forcing me to face him again. He really was stronger than me now. There was a short struggle, which he won. He had to flatten me on the ground though. He was over me, pinning me into place, forcing more blood down my throat. I had to swallow this time. Edward released me briefly, and I tried to scramble back to my feet, terrified of having to endure more. He was back in a flash though, forcing me to drink even more. He did this five times in total. Until I was gasping for air, moaning. I would've been crying if I'd been able to shed tears. It was awful. I was scared. I'd never thought the day would come that Edward would scare me, but it had.

We lay panting a little longer on the ground, Edward still over me, but no longer force-feeding me. "I'm sorry." He whispered many times, stroking my hair at the same time. "I had to, Bella. I can't let you starve yourself." I looked him accusingly in the eyes. I felt childish for doing so. But I was angry. I hadn't thought he would force me. I had underestimated Edward's worry and determination. "I'll do it again if I have to. I'll do it until the end of our existence if I have to. If it's the only way to keep you healthy, sane, maybe even alive."

"Get off me!" I growled. He immediately rolled away. I scrambled to my feet and only had the time to run a few yards before everything came out. My body convulsed, and I vomited all the slimy blood. It was only when my stomach was clean and empty again that the convulsions stopped. I slumped to the ground after stepping away from the bloody pool and buried my head in the moss, bathing my nose in the fresh, damp smell, trying to fight the sickness away.

"Bella!" Edward's alarmed voice reached me, his hand stroking my back. I didn't move, didn't turn. I kept breathing, kept fighting the nausea. Edward waited for a bit, but when his patience ran out, he lifted me up himself and cradled me in his arms as he ran as fast as he could back to the Cullen mansion.

Update: Hi again. I notice many people pass through but don't leave any reviews. To be honest, it makes me feel like no one is reading the story and it discourages me. :(
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Aoiika