I own nothing

"This... sucks," he decided.

"I think the word 'sucks' is a bit of an understatement," Ashura commented dryly. He sat crossed legged in the shallow pool of water that was the Kyuubi's cage, seemingly unbothered by the fact that his lower half was submerged.

Naruto shrugged.

"I think 'sucks' is the best word to describe it."

"Will you all shut up!" the Kyuubi demanded.

"K," Naruto said tiredly as he fell back from his sitting position into the water. The liquid flooded over his face and entire body, but he could breath just fine.

It took a little lesson from Ashura for Naruto to realize why he was in the seal despite the kunai lodged in his brain. The seal was apart of his soul, not his body. As long as he was alive, he would have the Kyuubi sealed within him—it was to make sure that simply physically cutting the seal off wouldn't release the fox.

He still didn't quite understand how he was sitting inside of his own soul, but who was he to care?

There was a fucking hunk of metal stuck in his head.

"You fixing me?" he asked to the fox. Water rushed into his mouth as he spoke, but his voice came through perfectly fine as the cold liquid flowed into his throat. Things worked however the hell he wanted in his own soul... screw physics.

"It's tough!" Kyuubi yelled, clearly agitated.

"Why?" he asked, wanting to be difficult.

Ashura sighed quietly as the fox growled.

"I never had to heal brain cells before!" Kyuubi roared angrily. "None of my previous hosts were stupid enough to damage their own brain! Brain cells are a lot more complex than your other muscles! I can fix it in a second... but then you will be a fucking vegetable!"

"I see," Naruto said even though it was obvious he didn't.

"Look," Ashura started, "Kurama can usually fix you fine... but this time it is a lot more complex. He usually recreates damaged cells using the cells around the injury, but the brain has a lot of different functions. He can't fix the cells of your frontal lobe using cells from your occipital lobe—it wouldn't function properly."

Naruto nodded dully.

"He needs to recreate cells that you don't have anymore. It also involves recreating the settings inside of the cells," Ashura continued, despite Naruto's clear uninterest. "He's using your life force to try and recreate the memories that are lost, and then he has to put it into those cells that he has to create on his own."

Naruto blinked.

"So he's doing some crazy shit?" he asked, but not asked, "I'm flattered, Kurama, really am."

"Do not say my name!"

"Sorry," he replied insincerely.

Naruto was actually completely attentive, and they all knew it despite his attitude.

He just wanted to be difficult because it just all seemed so... asinine.

It just seemed hopeless, not that the blonde was one to give up hope. His brain was a pile of mush and the Kyuubi had no idea how to heal it. He should be dead... nothing more than a corpse on the ground.

But here he was, still on the ground in the real world, but alive and somehow breathing despite the fact that a thick metal blade was inserted into his skull with deadly intention.

Orochimaru knew how to kill. The kunai was inserted with full knowledge that it would be fatal with no chance of survival.

What Orochimaru didn't understand was that Naruto Uzumaki liked to defy all odds.

"Yo, hey bitch," the Kyuubi called.

"Yeah?" he replied, not caring about the nickname at all.

"Loosen the seal, I can heal you if you do."

Naruto rose an eyebrow and snorted. Bubbles floated above him and sat on the surface of the water for a moment—before popping methodically.

Like releasing the Kyuubi would fix anything.

"Naruto, I think you should do it," Ashura said after a few moments. "The other option is death; and you don't have to release Kurama's full power, just a little bit."

"How?" he asked. "Do I just tear the seal of a little?"

"The seal is purely symbolic," Ashura explained. "It's just there because the human mind can't fully comprehend how the Shiki Fuin works. It is actually all mental, you just need to think about it. Oh, and you need to mention Kurama's full name."

Naruto absorbed the information.

"Hey," he called to nobody in particular. "I want Kurama... Otsutsuki? Yeah... Kurama Otsutsuki should be able to release a little more chakra. Not enough to vaporize or control me, and especially not enough to escape—but enough to heal me."

"Eighteen percent," Ashura whispered.

"I want Kurama Otsutsuki to be allowed to use eighteen percent of his power to heal me!"

Dark red energy rushed him.

His eyes slowly opened.

Naruto let out a yawn as he stared at the forest above him. It was dark out, but light was starting to flood into the forest. It was probably early morning, right before dawn.

Clearly, he had been laying on the forest floor the entire night. It was pretty damn impressive, since it wasn't even close to sundown when he was stabbed.

Blue eyes lazily shifted to the left, before moving right.

He was alone. Sasuke and Sakura were either dead or didn't think recovering his body was necessary. Naruto wasn't angry if it was the second option, Orochimaru probably left them in bad conditions if they did survive.

It was interesting to feel his head starting to close up. The Kyuubi's chakra purged all the impurities that entered his brain with a small stinging sensation. It was better than an infection, no doubt, but damn... it was painful.

"So I'm invincible, right?" he asked to the sky. If someone were to stumble upon him it would seem like he was talking to himself. "If a kunai to the brain can't kill me, what can?"

"Yes and no," Ashura answered.

Naruto sighed. Of course there was a catch.

"Kurama can heal practically anything you endure now—you did release almost twenty percent of his chakra exclusively for healing, after all. The issue is that your brain will never be healed back to full capacity. Even if you get stabbed again it will revert back to how it is now."

"Which is still a bit messed up," Naruto said for him. "Since Kyuubi was forced to do a botched job."

"Exactly."

"So no more blades in my skull?"

"I can heal a blade just fine, the main danger is blunt force trauma. I can remake cells lost if they are stabbed or severed, but if they are rustled and shaken... then you will get some side effects."

Naruto nodded with a hum, still not used to any generosity from the fox

"Your decision making process is going to be weaker," Ashura answered his unasked question. "It won't do much since I can decide for you. Your memory is also a bit damaged, but it should only be severe if you get hit hard. Fixing your emotions is going to take a bit as well, so you'll be acting a bit strange. Oh and hallucinations might happen as well."

"So a concussion will make me forget things and see things," he said with faux happiness. "Great! Why can't I have a one hundred percent overpowered ability? There's always one thing fucking me up!"

"...and the mood swings."

"Wonderful... now where the hell is my team?"

Walking was difficult. His practically new and not improved brain took a lot more adjusting than he had realized.

Ashura had easily located his team. They were alive, surprisingly, and currently camped out a few kilometers away.

Normally a few kilometers wouldn't be an issue for a ninja, especially one of Naruto's caliber, but his brain was still quite damaged and the Kyuubi was doing as many adjustments as he could to fix all the issue his healing didn't originally cover.

Naruto could sense Sakura's meager chakra get into a conflict, but there was little he could do in his current situation. His body, and more importantly his face, was healed thanks to the increased healing factor he now had, but it was still a slow process to get assimilated to eighteen percent of the Kyuubi's chakra flowing through him.

His tenketsu and muscles were easily destroyed by the pure potency of the fox's chakra. The healing factor quickly remade them with a higher tolerance, but the process would take a good nights sleep to fully rebuild his body.

It was freaky stuff, knowing that his body was practically impossible to break. It was comforting, or course, but freaky nonetheless. The only thing stopping him from being unkillable was his head was sensitive now.

Naruto slowed from his walking pace to a stop. He frowned in the direction he was walking—Sasuke's chakra was doing some weird stuff.

'It is...' Ashura pondered for a word, 'Corrupted.'

Naruto nodded at the vile feeling that clearly came from the Uchiha.

What was that? The malice felt like the Kyuubi's, but Sasuke wasn't a container like he was. It couldn't be a Kekkei Genkai, right? He already had the Sharingan...

'The Sharingan came directly from my brother, do not underestimate it.'

Then it must be the Sharingan... what else could it be? Sasuke never had a dark, evil power before. Despite the lust for revenge he had for his brother, Sasuke was actually quite tame.

What did Orochimaru do?

Honestly, Naruto knew he had a flare for dramatics.

He expected his return to his team to be a big affair. That he would swoop in and save them from the people who were fighting them—it would be the ultimate heroes return.

Unfortunately, the fight was over long before he got close to them. And even if it wasn't, he really didn't have the coherency to fight any ninja, let alone the Sound ones that he sensed.

Stumbling through a bush, he fell into the clearing that his team and Shikamaru's were sitting in.

What was the number for Shikamaru's team again? Was it six? Or eight?

There was also the team a year older than them. The one with Eyebrows, Lee, and Hinata's cousin Neji. There was also a girl on the team, but he couldn't remember her name for the life of him.

He knew her name, right?

"Yo," Naruto said blandly as he raised his hand into a pathetic wave. Everyone stared at him in clear confusion as he waked towards them.

"Naruto?" Sakura said in shock. "You're... you're dead!"

He frowned.

"That's mean," he said as he flopped onto the ground and laid on his back. He was tired... really tired.

Sakura was sitting, and Ino was doing her hair with a kunai—which wasn't the most orthodox way to do hair, but hey, ninja shit. It seemed like they had some time until they moved out.

"How are you alive?" Sasuke asked a lot more composed. "You were stabbed in the brain."

Naruto tried to shrug from the ground, but ended up wiggling his body strangely.

"Meh, turns out my head is a lot emptier than I thought. His extreme lobotomy didn't really do much against my healing factor."

"Your healing factor can heal brain damage?" Shikamaru asked, curious. Everyone knew the blonde could heal fast, tanking hits was the biggest part of his fighting style. But brain injuries was a whole different level than bruises or cuts.

"Apparently," the sardonic response.

"Nice," Sasuke said, unperturbed. "Thought you died."

"Me too," Naruto replied.

There was a silence.

"So why are none of us completely freaking out?" Ino asked. "Naruto got brained by a kunai and is completely fine, I thought at least one of us would freak the hell out."

"You do it," Shikamaru suggested.

She frowned.

"For some reason... it doesn't really surprise me."

"So... the test."

Naruto stared at his team lamely as they rested by a small pond. They needed to rest a bit more than usual since they were still worn out from Orochimaru—and Sakura was taking the moment to examine her hair in the small pool of water.

"We just need to get to the building," Sasuke said as he rubbed his neck. Naruto didn't want to question the new tattoo his teammate had—which the blonde knew was a seal—even though it was obviously bothering the Uchiha.

"We still need the other scroll," Naruto said confused. "We need the... what scroll do we need again?"

"Orochimaru gave us his scroll," Sasuke explained as he lifted it. "I doubt he needs it, being a Jounin and a criminal after all."

Naruto frowned.

"That scroll just seems... dirty," he said rather lamely.

Sasuke nodded and didn't reply.

"I guess I'm done," Sakura said as she approached them, still slightly bothered. "Is it strange that my hair... hurts?"

"Maybe the roots are damage," Naruto suggested. "Though, I'm not the best one to talk about hair with. Sasuke is way more qualified, being a princess and all."

The Uchiha's glare could light a fire.

Avoiding Kabuto wasn't as easy as he would have liked, but he did it. It took some simple lying to convince his team that it was a full group of enemies following them instead of a single, apparently weak, Genin.

Kabuto stayed right on their trail, and would've caught up to them easily if it wasn't for the unorthodox path Naruto took his team on. He didn't trust Kabuto at all, and the fact that the bespectacled Genin was following them only raised his suspicions.

For some strange reason, Kabuto wanted to get close to them. Was it that he wanted to be close to the Uchiha reputation? Or maybe he had a vendetta against Kakashi?

Or maybe, Kabuto was working with Orochimaru—

No. That was a stupid thought. Kabuto was good... but not that good.

Right?

Gaara's team easily flew through the exams, which made him feel a little safer. There wouldn't be no crazy Jinchuriki chasing him around the forest throwing sand at him—and his siblings seemed strong as well.

Temri and Kank... Kanukro? That was their names.

'You mean Temari and Kankuro?'

He said that.

"Well," Sakura started as they approached the building, "I really thought someone would attack us."

"You doubt my sensing?" Naruto asked, pretending to be offended. "I easily led us around everybody."

"I don't doubt your sensing skills, I doubt the sharpness of that kunai in your head." Sakura seemed to notice how out of character her quip was, and crinkled her nose slightly.

They stopped outside the building. He looked around before taking out the two scrolls.

"I think we need to open these." They had the damn things for a reason, and there was no way in hell he was going to open the large doors himself.

"Go for it," Sasuke encouraged, taking a subtle step away just in case it exploded or something.

Naruto rolled his eyes and opened the scrolls.

"Congrats!" came the voice of Iruka as he appeared in a puff of smoke.

Team Seven stared.

"How the hell did you get here?" Naruto asked bluntly. "You know the Hiraishin or something?"

Iruka shrugged.

"It's a lot more painful than the Hiraishin, I think." The teacher rubbed his chest. "They painted the biggest seal I've ever seen on my entire torso, and it took four Chunins to power the seal."

Naruto nodded, storing the concept in his mind. Surely he had more chakra than four Chunins, and no doubt he could make the seal a lot smaller...

"And I had to spend like three hours in stasis being prepped." Iruka groaned. "Just to be flashy."

Never mind. Of course the Hiraishin wasn't that simple—everyone would be using it if it was.

"So what are you doing here, Iruka Sensei?" Sakura asked politely.

"I'm here to congratulate you!" he explained happily. "You guys did a great job! Now, do you know why we have both heaven and ear—"

"Iruka," Naruto cut off, "As much as I appreciate the lesson, I'm tired and I'm hungry. My brain couldn't handle your lessons before it was stabbed. I doubt it can now."

It was actually really surprisingly.

Too many people had passed.

"So, no killing," the newest proctor, Hayate, explained, before shrugging. "Actually, you can kill if you really want. It would be nicer if you refrained from killing, that's a lot of paperwork, but it's your choice. A sensei can forfeit their students, and I will stop the match only on extreme circumstances."

Naruto really didn't pay much attention. His mind was focused on Kabuto, or rather, the lack of Kabuto. The Genin had given up the second the option was presented to them. He wasn't injured, but he said his Chakra was practically all out—which didn't make sense, since Naruto could feel him suppressing it.

You can't suppress Chakra you don't have. It was common sense that even a civilian could understand.

Why was Kabuto so damn shady? If he was a spy, surely he was better than that? Honestly, he was so bad that Naruto was actually considering that Kabuto was indeed innocent, and was just horrible at being a ninja. So horrible that all his moves seemed fake and so cowardly that he would try to hide his chakra to avoid a fight.

But there was the information he had...

'Apparently is the key word,' was what Kabuto said before the first exam. Surely he was just a snarky bastard, right? There was no way he would draw attention to himself by taunting so blatantly?

'Not all people are politically versed,' Ashura reasoned. 'Maybe didn't mean any ill intent.'

Really?

'Just playing devils advocate... I don't like that guy just as much as you do, but you can't draw conclusions. Just because he has information that is hard to get doesn't mean he's nefarious things. Maybe he has parents with influence.'

But having parents with influence meant some sort of tact. It threw away the idea with Kabuto's taunting, if he did have some sort of political standing, then he would've been a lot more polite.

'He did offer free information. Perhaps he was rude because you stopped him from his agenda.'

True... he was a good deterrent for Sasuke. Kabuto must have wanted to get into good terms with the clan heirs, and was upset that his ploy to make friends was ruined.

But...

Naruto wanted to scream in frustration. He didn't have the time to find out if Kabuto was shady or not! Filing the older Genin away as a leech trying to gain more political power was the easy way out, but it still left a nagging suspicion. But the exams... if he manages to pass the preliminaries, then he had only a month to prepare for a fight the entire village would watch.

He couldn't spend energy tailing Kabuto—he needed every ounce of strength he had to become a Chunin. To become one step closer towards his goal of Hokage, which was the key to world peace.

A simple Genin couldn't stop the world from fighting, but a Hokage could. As a Hokage he would be so high on the food chain that people would actually listen to him.

Surely Kabuto wasn't anything to watch out for.

"Naruto!" A feminine voice yelled as it crashed into him. Naruto felt the air leave him as he desperately tried to stay upright—hitting his head on the stone walls would probably mess him up pretty badly.

He managed to let out a pathetic croak as he looked at the head of green (or mint, for Ashura) hair that was crushing him. There was an audible crack as something snapped inside of him.

"Fu," he let out quietly, not having the breath to talk any louder. He could feel the Kyuubi's chakra healing all the pain she was causing him.

'She broke a few of your ribs and your spine. Luckily, they're easy fixes... but damn, Chomei really out did herself with this one.'

'Right?' Ashura agreed. 'It looks like she inherited all of Chomei's attributes. I didn't realize it was possible, none of your previous hosts could.'

The Kyuubi snorted. 'I never got along with any of my containers.'

'True.'

Thankfully, Fu released him after the Kyuubi was done. The Uzumaki had to keep the embrace for a few seconds longer just to stop himself from collapsing—Fu would probably get eliminated if she broke him before a match.

"Oops!" Fu smiled sheepishly as she took a step back. She let out a nervous laugh as all the Konoha nin gave her suspicious glances, she did squish him like a grape...

"Hi Fu," Naruto greeted after a few moments. "How ya doin?"

"Great!" she chirped as she looked at the balcony across from them (the little stadium they were in had two balconies on the perimeter of the arena—all the Konoha nin were on one side and the foreign were on the other, for some strange reason) and waived at a group of Taki Shinobi who were looking at them with narrowed eyes. "They're my new team!" she explained.

He offered a tentative waive, and the Jonin glared at him. Not that Naruto blamed him, the precious Jinchūriki of Taki decided to talk to a bunch of Konoha nin instead of her own country.

"They seem..." he pondered for a moment, "...nice."

"Yup!" she agreed wholeheartedly, not realizing a thing. "They're great! And they are actually nice to me! The entire village is nicer to me now!"

He gave her a bright smile. "Why wouldn't they? Seven is a lucky number, after all."

"We totally agree!" At her response, Naruto wanted to glance around to his team and the other Konoha Shinobi (who were watching them, of course). Did any of them realize that she said 'we'? "Nine is," Fu frowned, "I dunno... fluorine? Now that I think about it, nine is kinda lame..."

'I take back my compliment.'

"I completely agree," he replied with a nod. "Nine is, without a doubt, the lamest number."

'I literally just healed you!'

"The lamest."

"Hey Naruto," Kakashi said as he placed a hand on his shoulder. "Whose the girl? I remember her from Taki, but you never introduced us."

Naruto's eyebrow rose. "I didn't?"

"That stings!" Fu said dramatically, placing a hand over her heart.

"No it doesn't," he deadpanned, before looking at his team. "Guys, meet Fu, she's a badass Taki ninja that I met during the Taki mission. She helped me beat the fuck out of Suien's special team before helping me beat the fuck out of Suien!"

"I think I did most of the beating," she said smugly.

"No!" he argued back. "I stabbed the shit out of him! You would've got pounded if it wasn—wow that was dirty..."

Sakura smacked him on the head. "Sorry about him, he's the local idiot." She offered a friendly smile. "My name is Sakura, Haruno Sakura. I like your hair color, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one with a... more unique color."

Fu smiled back. "No need to be polite. We all know 'strange' is a better term than 'unique.'"

Sakura sighed and nodded. The two girls laughed a little, making Naruto feel relieved—the last thing he wanted was his team pissing of a Jinchūriki.

"So where's you other teammate?" Fu asked.

Naruto gestured to the stage, where Sasuke was currently fighting one of Kabuto's teammates.

"Oh." Fu watched as Sasuke danced around his foe. "Is he a Taijutsu specialist?" she asked. "I thought Uchiha were more Ninjutsu type of people."

"He wants to challenge himself," Kakashi answered quickly. "Uchiha are just as arrogant as they are powerful."

That was a lie, of course. Whatever the seal Sasuke had on his neck was messing with him—affecting his chakra.

"Not even using his Sharingan." Fu nodded, impressed. "He could kick that guy's ass pretty easily if he wasn't holding back."

'Shit.'

'Shit?'

SHIT!

"Can Naruto and Fu please come down? We don't have all day."

Naruto turned and looked at Fu, who was staring at the floor in shock.

Before she looked and him and smirked.

Shit.

Fu voiced his thoughts exactly.

"You're fucked!"

Authors note: There was going to be the massive genjutsu fight with the Ame nin, and the Fu fight all in this chapter. But I wasn't feeling the Ame fight and I really need to get in the mood to write a good fight for Fu.

And yes, the horrible stabbing in Naruto's brain was kinda brushed over (in my own opinion). I say it's because Team 7 doesn't want to remember the Orochimaru fight, and is fine to never bring it up again.

I finally changed 'Ashura' to 'Ashura', took a while, but I did it.