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Chapter 4: Half-blood

Edward stormed back into the house with me struggling to get out of his arms. I felt fine again. I was a vampire for god's sake; I didn't need to be carried around anymore. But there was no way out of his grip, though he was having trouble. Damn, I should've taken more advantage of my superior strength while I had the chance.

He could've let me down by the door, or anywhere really, but no. He absolutely had to deposit me on the couch as if I were made of glass instead of stone. His over damn protective self had resurfaced.

Okay, I had to admit I was still angry with him. My mood wasn't completely justified. But I had not appreciated the force-feeding, the force-transportation. Everything was forced. It was like he knew better what was good for me than I did. It felt like he was patronizing me, stripping away any freedom.

On the other hand, I remembered the conversation from this morning. However angry, annoyed, hurt and even scared I was, I did not want him gone. So I chose the noble way and did not protest as I stayed on the couch while he frantically yelled around for Alice and Jasper.

"Edward!" Esme called as she materialized by the piano, her heart-shaped face lined with worry and alarm. It did not suit her. Her eyes were made for warmth and kindness. "What's the matter? The others went to school. It's Monday. We haven't solved the Bella-problem yet, so we have to make sure our cover stays in place for now." She explained.

"Carlisle?" Edward asked, almost as if he were out of breath.

"Hospital, honey." Esme answered apologetically.

Edward glanced back at me, apparently torn between two choices I did not know. I saw him deliberating quickly, but the argument seemed to go in circles in his head. Esme noticed it too and intervened before I could find a way to stop the endless cycle. "I can stay with her, don't worry." She offered. So that was it, Edward wanted to leave. Of course, he'd want to consult Carlisle immediately. Bella vomits a little blood, and suddenly it's all men overboard.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I had to remind myself that Edward was probably the one reacting normally. I had been scared and worried before. But now, some kind of 'whatever' feeling had begun to settle in. It felt like the moments when I'd been cramming so much for an exam, that I broke down and threw everything away until the exam was over. At some point it's too much, and you stop caring.

"Thank you, Esme." Edward sighed in relief after a brief deliberation. He came over to me and kissed my forehead. The gesture dissolved a little of my anger. Esme came to sit next to me and threw her arm around my shoulders. This time, after what I'd just been through, I couldn't stop myself from wincing when the fire spread once more from my shoulders through my arms, to the rest of my body. Both Esme and Edward were right in my face as she hastily broke our contact.

"Did I hurt you?" She asked, sounding rather incredulous. It was ridiculous for a vampire to be hurt by a simple hug, even from another strong vampire.

"Are you still sick?" Edward interrogated me. "Do you still need to throw up?"

"She was sick?"

"Yes, she didn't digest the blood I gave her. That's why I need Carlisle, now."

"All right. Go quickly then." Esme instructed him. "I'll take care of her."

Edward seemed even more reluctant to leave me behind now, but at the same time, he really wanted to speak to Carlisle. In the end he decided to put his trust in his adoptive mother and disappeared through the front door after another kiss on my forehead.

Esme was considerate enough not to touch me again. Though she seemed a bit lost as to what she was supposed to do. I could understand her trouble. She was now responsible for the care of the only sick vampire in history. A newborn that, by the way, also had slept, was hurt by hugs and was abysmally bad at hunting.

"Do you need me to fetch you a bucket, sweety?" She asked, resorting to what she had learned to do in case a human was sick.

"No, I'm fine. It's over now." I explained.

"What happened?"

I wasn't really sure why, but I didn't want to tell what tactic Edward had used to get blood in my system. I was still in some kind of shock; I still had to decide for myself how I would deal with it. I felt betrayed by him in a way, but knowing he was trying to do what was good, I felt guilty for being angry with him. It had made me realize something though. Edward…he wasn't completely on my side. Edward would do anything to save me. I didn't understand why. I couldn't fathom what it was that made him care for me so passionately. In my head, it still made as much sense as when I was a bland and boring human, which was to say 'none'. The point was that he would go against anyone who would stand in the way of my health, my life. That included me. Apparently, he'd force me to do anything if it made me strong again. Under those circumstances, could I still trust him?

I shook my head to shift those thoughts to some other part of my mind. I couldn't get them out anymore. I could think about so many things at once, that nothing would get out. Thoughts, memories, details; none of them would ever escape my head. It was like a black hole, but on a slightly smaller scale.

Esme took my headshake as a refusal to answer her question. But she didn't press for it. We both knew there would be a long group discussion once Carlisle was back. There was no point stressing about it now. Instead, she tried to get me to relax. Making tea or soup, bringing ice or giving massages were helpful in case you dealt with a sick human, but Esme knew that was useless here. Touching was a no-no anyway, and even if I'd been human, I would've told her I was fine. The nausea was gone. I wasn't really sick. Edward was blowing things out of proportion by overreacting.

With nothing else to fall back on, Esme decided to go sit at the piano. "I'm far from being as good as Edward, but I know enough. Just relax, Bella. We'll take care of everything." She assured me as her fingers started stroking the keys. A light and soft lullaby-like song filled the room. It really was nice. Esme would've been such a great mom. But thinking of her that way only brought my mind back to my own mother.

I suddenly found myself with my arms wrapped around my chest, hugging myself. But I wished those arms were my mother's. How long had it been since I'd talked to Renee. And the last time I'd seen her, at the airport in Phoenix… That was a lifetime ago. It was too long. And I wasn't even her daughter anymore, I wasn't human. I was dangerous to her, I might hurt her, I wasn't a harmless child. I was a monster to her, a predator. To my own mother! An alien that would outlive her. What if I saw her one day, by accident, taking a walk somewhere in a park? What if she was eighty years old, walking her dog, while I was still frozen at seventeen? What if she was a widow by then, old and alone, and I had no right to keep her company, to help her out? What if she'd recognize me? What if she didn't?

My heart broke. I stopped breathing altogether, the movement was too painful. My mother had always been my best friend. She'd taken care of me, and somewhere along the line, I'd started taking care of her. Saying goodbye a few months ago had been hard, but I'd never thought that it would be definitive.

I'd known all this already. The moment I had understood what I'd become, it was clear. But I was getting more and more scared. As if turning into a vampire wasn't enough, all these things that were wrong with me, the unknown, it was making it worse. And no one but Edward could comfort me, because their touch was torture to me. And even Edward's comfort didn't always help. It was slightly complicated. We were both dealing with lots of emotions and internal conflicts. The exile from my old life, from my old family and friends was getting harder and harder to bear. And at this point, it was killing me.

Esme's songs followed one another at the piano, and the sun moved slowly westward behind the clouds. I was unable to say how much time had passed when Carlisle's car could be heard coming up the long winding drive to the mansion. Esme stopped playing and came to sit next to me again, leaving a small gap between us. She seemed pained not to b able to hug me or touch me. Her motherly instinct was so strong. We waited in silence for our mates to reach the house.

The mood was unnaturally heavy when both men came through the front door to the living room. Carlisle and Edward were avoiding each other's gaze. It felt like they hadn't exchanged a word all the way here.

"You should've been more careful, Edward." The doctor started once the door had closed behind them.

"What was I supposed to do? I don't have time to wait for you to finish your rounds."

"The hospital is too crowded. You knew you'd be seen the minute you stepped inside." Carlisle didn't sound angry or reproaching really, but he was making it clear that something wrong had been done. He sounded like a father drawing a line, a limit.

There wasn't any time for a retort on Edward's part. Before he could open his mouth, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett had walked through the door. I hadn't heard the car though. Had they even taken the car to school this morning?

"It's all over town." Rosalie accused as she squinted evilly at Edward. "We had no choice but to come back, or they would've asked us questions we could not answer."

"This town is so small I'd be surprised if there's anyone who doesn't know yet by now that Edward Cullen is back in Forks. The high-school-chick-pack is reaching new heights of excitement." Emmett said with amusement, the complete opposite of Rosalie. I sometimes wondered what they had in common.

"Charlie is going to be all over me soon." Carlisle sighed. "If he knows you're back, he'll want to know if Bella's coming home. It's been two weeks now since she left. He won't have as much patience this time." Again, he wasn't accusing or criticizing Edward. But he wasn't happy with the development.

"She'll have to talk to him."

Everyone turned to Jasper. It wasn't exactly the solution anyone else had in mind. I hadn't even considered it. But at his words, I found something swelling in my heart. I'd never spoken a lot with my father, I couldn't say we were close, but Charlie was still my father. I loved him, and I knew he loved me very much. I found I wanted to see him as much as I wanted to see Renee.

"Like you said, he's probably getting impatient and worried. He won't accept any excuses easily. But he'll believe anything Bella tells him."

"What about school?" I asked. Was there a plan forming in which I could go back to school? Could I pick up at least a part of my old life? Could I still see Charlie if not live with him?

But no one answered my question. Silence fell over the entire group; every individual completely still. We could all just have been furniture standing in the living room.

"We can't risk contact with humans yet." Esme started tentatively. "You're still very young, not yet two weeks." She tried to explain to me. I lowered my eyes. It was silly of me to feel disappointed. How could I have thought I'd be able to pick up the thread where I'd left it after turning into a friggin vampire.

A snort sounded through the room. All heads turned to Edward this time. "That won't be a problem." He said darkly, his expression unreadable. "Bella gets sick from drinking blood."

"Really?" Jasper asked, incredulous. His eyes began to dart between me and Edward, gauging whether he was joking or not. But Edward's tone, and the situation made it clear this was serious. "You got sick?"

"And she sleeps." Edward added. Not only Jasper's eyes widened this time.

"We need to talk about all this." Carlisle addressed me. "Would you like the others to leave?"

I shook my head. "No, it's all right." They would hear it anyway. I liked to think we were a group, a team. It was time I was honest.

The group repositioned itself around me, Edward taking Esme's place, and Esme joining Carlisle, who had put his doctor face back on, in front of me. Even Rosalie took place on an armrest with an earnest expression on her face.

"Tell me all the…symptoms." Carlisle finished, for lack of a better term.

"I don't like blood." I rushed out in a sigh. That seemed to be the most pressing problem. Edward nodded slightly in agreement next to me. "It smells disgusting…rusty and salty. It's like having to drink sewage. And I have no desire to kill. I don't feel like a predator, I don't see any of those animals like prey. And when I did drink it," again I left out how the blood had found its way in me, "it fired up my throat even more than the feeling of thirst. It had to come out."

Alice didn't seem as surprised as the others, but she still seemed unsettled. Hadn't her visions told her everything already? I'd come to think maybe she didn't say anything in respect for me, waiting that I tell it myself. But maybe I was wrong.

All the others were stumped. Apparently, none of them had thought that I had no desire for blood at all. Even Edward was still surprised by my words. "I'd thought you were just reluctant," he said to me, or to himself rather, "that maybe your instincts hadn't settled yet. I'd thought getting you to taste the blood would solve the problem." He frowned as I shook my head.

"You don't have the hunter instinct at all?" He insisted with the same frown plastered on his forehead as on Edward's and Carlisle's. "You don't… crave?" He gulped on the last word, his face seemed to have paled even more. He looked like the few drug addicts I'd had the chance to see in my life.

I shook my head again. There was no point saying it again, I just had to confirm their words.

"Let's talk about the effects of the lack of bloodlust." Carlisle began. "Just how much strength have you lost?"

I flexed my fingers, as if that would give me an answer. But I knew the answer already. "I went from stronger than Emmett, to weaker than Edward." I said clinically. I found it was easier to talk about it as if it were someone else. Carlisle looked up at Edward, searching for confirmation.

"It's true." He agreed. "She was stronger than me when she woke up. It's difficult, but now I have the upper hand again. I'd say she's about the same as Alice by now."

Carlisle now turned to Alice. "Could you test it? I'd like to have as precise a measurement as I can."

But Alice shook her head. "She doesn't want me to touch her." She explained.

I remembered then. Alice was the only one who had never made a move to make contact. Except Rosalie, but I'd been more surprised if she had touched me. So Alice had probably seen me react badly in her visions, though she hadn't told anyone else apparently.

The time had come for me to explain that 'symptom' too. Carlisle looked at me for an explanation again. I found I had more trouble saying the words than when I told about my disgust of blood. It was more intimate somehow, more disturbing for me.

I tried once more to imagine someone else saying the words. It helped to get started. "The fire…from the conversion. It hasn't gone. Not completely. If I touch any living being, whether it's direct skin contact or through clothes or fur, the pain spreads again, starting from the point of contact. When the contact breaks off, the pain disappears pretty quickly."

"You mean…" Edward began, his eyes filled with horror, "every time I touched you…"

"No. You're the only exception." I countered. "Everyone here, and the animals of the forest, except you."

"What about plants?" Carlisle questioned.

"No, not plants." I'd had no trouble climbing trees. So, it wasn't every living thing then. "And then there's the sleeping." I continued, wanting to get it all out at once. "This morning, I woke up. First I thought I'd just been really out of it, deeply lost in thought. But then I realized I'd had a dream."

There was silence again. Emmet was serious for once. He had no joke to tell. He looked baffled, speechless. Rosalie was glaring at me, but it seemed to be more searching; like she was frustrated at not understanding, instead of being directly angry with me. It was a step up I guess.

"What do you think Jasper?" Carlisle asked with his eyes still examining me closely. "Has any newborn vampire ever had any of those…symptoms…in your knowledge?"

"She's not a vampire." Jasper answered promptly. He was standing perfectly still against the wall, with his arms crossed. He looked brooding. "I don't know what she is, but not a vampire."

Everyone seemed a bit baffled by what he was saying. I felt protest building up in Edward. He was preparing to defend me, as if he considered what Jasper had said an insult.

"I think he's right." Alice intervened before anyone could object first. "I can't see Bella as well as when she was human. Usually, I see vampires better than humans. Her not being a vampire, or at least not completely, would explain things." This explained why she'd been unsettled, why she hadn't communicated what she'd seen. She doubted her ability when it came to me.

"Are you suggesting she's only partly vampire?" Jasper addressed Alice, sounding interested, almost convinced already.

"She sleeps like a human, she doesn't have any of the predator instincts and her strength is steadily decreasing. She can't be turning back into a human. The change is permanent. The only explanation left is that there is a part of humanity still left since the conversion."

"I agree with Alice." Carlisle continued. He was considerate enough to pull me back into the conversation as he addressed me. "When you say the pain is still there, it sounds to me as if you never really completed the conversion somehow." I just looked at him blankly. "I'm not certain of anything." He cautioned. "We don't have any proof. We're merely making guesses based on the information you gave us. Is there anything more you can give us?"

"N…no. I believe that's all." I stuttered out. I still had to come to grips with what Alice had said. Getting used to the idea of being a vampire had been hard enough. Now I had to get used to being half-human again? Who was playing these jokes on me?

Carlisle addressed both me and Edward this time. "Look, we don't know much yet. Let's not panic. We haven't tried all the possibilities yet. You haven't been in contact with humans yet, Bella. I'd say we try that out. I think it will give us more information."

"Let's have a shopping trip to Seattle!" Alice suddenly exclaimed cheerfully. It sounded slightly forced, but the enthusiasm underneath was genuine. Alice was always enthusiastic about shopping.

"I'll go with you."

The umpteenth surprise today: Rosalie offering to join a shopping trip that included me. I wasn't the only one frowning in confusion. But Rosalie didn't offer any other explanation than a shrug. Then she did what she did best, walking away with an elegance that managed to kill my self-esteem every single time.

"Esme?" Alice said as she turned to our motherly figure.

"Of course." Esme smiled brightly.

"Tomorrow then!" Alice cheered, not sounding forced at all this time. I didn't miss the tender and admiring look on Jasper's face as he looked at her.

"What about school?" I asked worriedly. Though I found that a shopping trip didn't sound nearly as bad as it would've in the past. I was looking forward to doing something normal again.

"We've already declared a family emergency when word spread that Edward was back. They won't be expecting us soon." Alice waved away.

"Maybe we could let another relative of ours die." Emmett chuckled. Someone had found their sense of humour again. "I could use the inheritance as excuse for an addition to our car collection. I've been thinking of getting a bughatti veyron. Those things look awesome!"

Alice rolled her eyes at him and shushed him away. He went to join Rosalie to inform her of his brilliant idea, and the others spread around, going back to their usual past times, leaving me with Edward on the couch. There was nothing to do but wait for morning, for the shopping trip to see how it would go. I wondered what I would feel like among humans. Would I see them as prey? Or would I feel like I belonged with them? Or would I be a reject of both camps? Would my new life be just the same as my old one, not fitting in with anyone? Not vampire, not human, but some kind of half-blood?

I'd read Harry Potter and enough other works of fantasy. Usually, half-bloods weren't very well appreciated among the full-bloods. Was that how things were going to be? Bella: the freak, even among mythical creatures. Wonderful.

Tadaaaam

So, I've got a few new ideas for the further development. I might change some things from the original Twilight, but bear with me ;) It's going to be fun!

Update: Hi again. I notice many people pass through but don't leave any reviews. To be honest, it makes me feel like no one is reading the story and it discourages me. :(
I'd be so incredibly happy if you all just left a bit of proof that you've passed through and liked it. :) Pretty please?

I wouldn't be asking if it didn't matter to me.

Thank youuu!

Aoiika