Wow, I guess you liked the first chapter judging by the number of alerts, favourites and reviews. Thanks Guys, you make this author very happy!
Special thanks to Jenio1 for her astute comments that made me strengthen up a couple of the sections of this chapter.
RPOV
I fucked up.
Big time.
Morelli and Babe had the mother of all arguments, 9.5 on the gossip Richter scale. The aftershocks of which even reached Newark where Abuela Rosa asked what had happened. Not long after that, ok 31 days and 5 ½ hours to be precise, I collared Steph in her apartment and made a suggestion that didn't go down too well.
OK, so if she'd been wearing a gun I'd have had a hole punched in my chest about the size of the one I'd just made in hers by my fuck buddy suggestion. I knew I'd lost her when I saw the pain slam across her beautiful face and she told me to fuck off. Untangling myself from her body and leaving her apartment was the hardest thing I have ever done. I wanted to apologise, to tell her the truth but I couldn't. I thought it was for the best that I go, even knowing the heart ache I'd just caused. For the both of us.
You see I believed she'd go crawling back to Morelli when he'd calmed down a bit. Let's face it, that's always been the way with my Babe, so I figured if I kept her bed warm and went at the romance thing slowly then perhaps, just perhaps, she'd choose me over him when he showed his ugly face in town again.
I'm a patient man and I love this blue eyed whirlwind with all my heart. Have done so for a long time now. So I thought she might have sussed me out by now – my cars, my men, mind blowing sex... sigh.
But every.
Time.
She went back.
to that cop... I wondered what else I had to do to prove my feelings for her. I'm not a man who gushes and fawns over women, I'm used to that behaviour happening in reverse, but I had thought she understood me. She'd gotten to know me and was one of my best friends but looks like I was wrong, that she didn't understand... sigh (again...). As I pulled away from her parking lot I knew I would regret my stupid suggestion for as long as I live.
For now I knew I could no longer kiss her at every opportunity - I guess I'd given up that right when she told me to go fuck someone else. But the masochistic side of me wanted her to work for Rangeman, in my building, with my men. And me.
Where I could still keep her safe. Where I could see her every day and yearn for the deeply rewarding friendship I'd smashed to pieces and ground into her kitchen floor. And let's not forget the relationship I so desperately wanted to have.
So one Friday I made Tank ask her to join us. To my total surprise she said "yes". No idea why, but I knew she would be much safer working with us, so who was I to complain.
I thought keeping my hands to myself would be easy to do. But it wasn't. Every time I saw her I wanted to apologise, to grind my ever hopeful, immediately hard cock into her and fuck her until she could no longer scream my name. Then hold her in my arms forever. Then I remembered I'd screwed everything up and she'd never be mine.
Let me explain.
I've been in love only once before. Cammy Deakin was her name, we were both 17. She was a cute blond with soft hazel eyes and the darling of the school and I'd been secretly in love with her since forever. Mine was a vain hope as I was an over skinny swotty nerd - definitely no one's fantasy - and certainly no match for Jed Maitlin the captain of the basket ball team and her equally popular boyfriend.
One day I found her crying in one of the less frequented corridors and in a moment of madness I asked her to a beachside bonfire party that was coming up at the end of the week. To my total surprise she smiled at me through her tears and said yes.
I spent the week wacking off to thoughts of her pert breasts (so sue me, I was shallow) and soaring on cloud nine as I imagined her in my life forever.
Saturday night finally arrived and I drove across to her parents in my uncle's black Ford Capri to pick her up, too excited to see that she seemed distant. I'd won the prize and gotten my girl so 'who's the man?' I arrogantly thought as I escorted her in to the event on the in-crowd calendar. When we arrived I offered to go get us a drink and she smiled and nodded so I quickly got into line where I boasted to anyone who would listen about my date. They were all jealous as hell and I bragged about all the things I planned to do to her, and with her, later.
Looking back I should have known it was all too good to be true but I naively grabbed my drinks and headed back to where I'd left her only to spot her from a distance silhouetted against the bonfire with her tongue shoved firmly down the throat of Maitlin. Turns out she'd been banned from seeing him, hence the tears she'd been shedding on the day I'd found her. Once I realised I'd been a convenient way of getting her to the party I vowed I would never let anyone else ever get close enough to hurt me as she had that night on so many levels. My pride, my heart, my shame...
So I wised up, grew my hair, gained a few pounds and muscles in all the right places and honed my bedroom skills with a bevy of beauties. Leaving every single one of them before the sun rose, including Rachel.
But this thing with Steph it was Cammy Deakin all over again but ten times worse, because this time I'd really gotten to know my Babe and considered her one of my closest friends. I don't have many but those that become part of this select group are cherished deeply. I've fucked hundreds of women but my Babe is the only one I've ever made love to.
Despite all the pushing and pulling my Babe has done, I'll always be hers and I love every bit of her from the deep blue hypnotic eyes that mirror her thoughts, to the gorgeous curls that refused to be tamed and the light that radiates from within like a beacon to all the lost souls that clamour to get close to her.
The hurt I felt when I was 17 was nothing to how I felt now. Only this time I'd been the destroyer. I'd been the one to do the damage but ultimately both of us were suffering as the result of my stupidity. Why on earth did I suggest being fuck buddies?
Doh? Because inside I'm still the stupid idiot dorky nerd that was once 17, that's why. Although I'm far more desirable to look at I'd never moved on emotionally until I met Stephanie Plum.
Because I couldn't tell her how I feel and risk the black hole I'd be left with when she went back to him. Being in love makes you vulnerable and if I admitted everything to her she could hurt me, break me in half and stamp my sorry ass into the ground. I'll admit it, she is my biggest weakness and it frightens the shit out of me, yeah, Ranger Bad ass Manoso is a coward, but don't tell anyone I told you.
Sigh (why am I sighing so much? Oh yeah, beats the alternative that involves eyes and water)
Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, my POV...
Despite the fact that our paths never crossed I always knew when Stephanie was in the building. Being totally aware of my surroundings I could sense her presence and my neck hairs would raise and reach out to her. Followed by my traitorous heart.
After a while seeing her on 5 as a permanent member of the team and not being able to hold her, love her or fuck her became too much, even for the punch bag or mats, so I took to sneaking off to the other offices. I knew if I didn't I'd wrestle her to the ground in front of the whole team and have my wicked way with her which, judging by the coldness she radiated towards me, wouldn't have been too well received. So I hid in my office and pretended to be extra busy any time I was in Trenton and I used the excuse that I needed to get closer to my business to run away to the other offices. In reality it was warm lips and an eager body that I wanted to get closer to. Tank saw through me, calling me a sorry, good for nothing slut who should have stopped tormenting myself, manned up and gotten my woman.
God forbid she discovers what I get up to outside of Trenton. I don't want her to ever find out about my activities, but none of what I do helps fill the void in my heart and this was something that hurt.
A lot.
Not only have I lost the object of my inner most desire, I've lost my best friend. So I pull on my Bat-belt and go after bad guys. It's the only thing left that I feel good about.
o0o0o0o0o
Anyway, she's gone now and I can breathe again. She's currently in Boston and it still hurts like hell, but it's for the best. I realise that the way I've been acting is not healthy, I need to give her the space to fly. I never meant to hurt her and I'll never stop beating myself up about my own stupidity but I realised I was tired.
Tired of pretending everything was ok.
Tired of trying to live my life in the vain hope that I could persuade her to take me back and give us a chance. To offer her our someday.
I need to let her go.
Continue with my empty womanising ways and put my heart back inside its steel walls. And as excruciating as the idea is, I know it is the right one.
For all of you who didn't see this chapter coming, the next one is also full of surprises!
A/n: in the UK kids can get their drivers licence at 17, I'm assuming it's the same where Ranger lives though I know it varies from state to state.