Last part jumps in time.

Nathanael griped the cell phone hard roaring at the others to leave. "No now!" he said gritting out, it wasn't fair he knew this. But at the moment he didn't care he didn't care at all.

"Others left for months. I remember Ivan and Blake leave for… a year." Dean sounded so uncertain and childish. Nathanael narrowed his eyes, yes other was allowed to leave to have their own time. "Please" Dean never said please not ever unless they were in bed. Now days it seemed it was all he was saying.

"No not a month." He spoke short and determent he could almost se Dean in his mind but it was fade and that hurt bad.

"30 days." Nathanael chuckled at Dean's barging, he shook his head, he wanted Dean in his bed now, not in thirty days but now!

"I'm warning you." He didn't like ordering Dean around at all, not like this, but he didn't want Dean to be with his family, if he stayed there would be a chance he would want to stay forever. Or at least until they died and that was against the law as he was owned by the clan now, others would get upset there would be meeting. Arguments questioning of his judgment as he would change and bend rules just for Dean.

"Three weeks." Nathanael glanced around the big mansion, Dean made him weaker, softer but he needed Dean. He loved Dean he knew that now and wanted to make him his forever. He didn't want Dean to smell like another, he didn't want to that Dean would look at others then him. He just wanted him, his heart ached after him and he breathed shaky out.

"Two weeks."

"Thank you" Nathanael sighed and gritted his teeth.

"If you…" Dean interrupted him quickly.

"I know, no one. Or you will hurt me." Nathanael squeezed shut his eyes as he heard the hurt in Dean's voice that tried to speak normal but his voice cracked.

"Dean…"

"I know two weeks. Bye." Nathanael closed the phone howling of his clan he needed to get his aggression out. He needed to fight.

¤

Dean closed the phone and sighed with relief he slipped under the covers between the two snoring men. He was home he was finally home.

&

Sam sat beside Dean and ate his second burger, Dean hadn't eaten anything. Sam had covered it up for him by lying to their father that he seen Dean eat earlier. But Dean's paler skin was becoming clearer and he was tired more often, yawning.

John sat down stroking his neck tired "Caleb called, there's this job up north." Dean looked up from the table he been staring at, "about five mils outside Colorado." Dean scratched his head. " North Dakota…"

"No"

"What?"

"We cant go there, these states we gonna keep away from up north, north Dakota, Montana and Idaho and dad this is crucial you need never ever go back to Pennsylvania." Dean said serious gripping his fathers arm, "that goes for you to Sam." Sam nodded not questioning him.

"Dean you've been trying to squirm out every single time. I want to know what the hell is going on right now." Dean licked his lips nervous.

"I can't."

"You can't! You fucking will! You where gone for three years, three years Dean and you didn't even know about it!" John gritted out angry, looking at his oldest that looked helpless and ducked his head down his hands covering his head.

"I can't," Dean said pleading.

"Look at me Dean!" Dean looked up. He scratched his chin, the last few years for him had just been fun he now playtime was over. "Dean just tell me." The sudden softness in his father's voice was shocking it was a tone he hadn't heard since he was four telling him that mommy wasn't coming back and that she was with angels now.

"Dad… I can't" he choked.

"Son you owe me an explanation." Dean looked straight into his father's eyes and nodded defeated.

"Okay, I will tell you." Dean breathed in and closed his eyes, "three years ago I died, and came back." He open his eyes seeing his father frown confused, "a man called Nathanael changed me. Dad remember that phone call? You heard me die… Nathanael owns like entire Canada and every state on the boarder to it." Dean licked his lips "I'm not free like you or Sam anymore. The laws of man… doesn't apply me anymore. I'm… something else."

"But your alive." John said with a shaky voice "your alive now." John said looking into his son's eyes. He had lost too much, this was his son, his oldest, his legacy. His blood, it was his son, he didn't care what Dean turned into. It was his son, he couldn't lose anyone else in his family anymore.

"Yes," Dean breathed out looking sadly into his fathers eyes, fearing that his father would end his life.

"Then that's all that matters Dean. You two boys are all I have left." Dean nodded and smiled weakly. "Dean…" he interrupted himself and sighed "god son I'm so sorry."

§

"Dad so this gun can kill the demon?" John Winchester nodded, all three stared at the colt on the bed, all nervous and exited at the same time and looking at each other "this is it?" he nodded again. "We can end it all."

¤¤¤

"I'm staying." Dean said trying to sound intimidating but failed, he could almost see Nathanael's narrowing eyes at him his white teeth growling at him.

"Your coming back home now! Dean."

"You don't understand. My dad found the trace on the demon, we've been searching for this son of a bitch for years. We spent blood and years on searching for it, searching for a way to kill it, now…"

"I said…"

"No I'm telling you Nathanael" Dean's voice dropped, "I'm not coming back! Not yet." He breathed out looking around him paranoid as if Nathanael wound jump out any second and rip his throat out.

"Yes you are!" it was the most powerful growl Dean ever heard it brought him to his knees.

"No you don't understand my whole life has been about this! I was raised for this! This motherfucker killed my mother! Put her on the ceiling! I am going to be in this fight, I am going to kill this motherfucker! Later you can hunt me down, do whatever to me but I'm not coming back!" Dean yelled his fists shaking with anger but also fear.

"Dean now your going to listen to me you little shit. I think your forgetting who you are dealing with. I am your leader, your ass is mine until the day you die. If I say your coming back, you are going to come back." Dean heard the low dangerous tone.

"No, I died for this. I am doing this and you can't stop me." he spoke shaking knowing if they did it face to face he wouldn't have the courage to stand up like this.

"Watch me."

Dean swallowed. "I'm doing this, hunt me down and if you get do get me back before I kill this demon you and me are going into war." Dean promised feeling his heart shatter into a million pieces as he said it, he was well aware that his voice cracked at the ending.

"Dean you do not want a war with me because you will lose." Dean felt his eyes burn, his heart clenched he didn't want this. But his family… he needed to do this, he needed to kill this demon for his family and for himself. He needed this.

"I know," Dean choked looking up at the sky, "I'm doing this." And he hung up. Dean knew he was in deep fuck, Dean had seen what Nathanael did to those who defied him, it wasn't pretty. He shut down his cell phone and breathed in the cool air. "I'm doing this."

¤¤¤

Dean coughed out blood he looked at Sam that was passed out on the floor, his father still pinned on the wall unconscious. "You fucker!" Dean yelled trying to get out from the demons hold that laughed sardonic and looked Dean in the face with an evil smirk

"What? No funny come back?" Dean narrowed his eyes at the demon, his blood pumping hard he should have hunted but didn't it was stupid now he was weak to weak to protect his family all because he was scared that his father would se what he had turned into.

"You are going to die." Dean threaten and grunted as the demon pushed his hand into the open wound. Dean saw black spots in his eyesight, he would have been dead if he been pure human.

"Really?" Dean needed to get the demons attention away from his family that was all that mattered, nothing else did.

"Don't you remember? Your children? Oh man I forgot man I'm sorry didn't I tell you that I killed them? Darn." Dean smirked and cried out in pain. Never in his years of living had he felt such pain in his body. The thoughts of ´I'm going to die.´ Didn't help him as he fought against the darkness. His eyes snapped up at the door, "Nathanael." He murmured and spat out blood. No this was the last thing he needed, he couldn't protect his family and Nathanael from the demon, the thought of the demon killing Nathanael put more hate more fury against the demon.

"Ah a shape shifter." Nathanael glanced at Dean then at the man that was possessed that tried to use his powers on him but failed. There was a necklace around Nathanael's neck he hadn't seen before.

"Oh, you thought I was a shape shifter, mistake." He said calmly and walked up to the demon that took his focus off Dean. "If I were you, I would release him."

"Boy you have no idea who your messing with." Nathanael gripped a choking grip at the demon that used his strength to throw Nathanael off and Dean dropped on the floor with a loud thud. Dean grunted in pain, but through his pain he began crawling on the wooden floor as he reached for the colt.

Aiming it at the demon.

"Hey asshole!" the demon's eyes winded as Dean shot but missed as the demon swung his arm at him. Everything turned black, and Dean's last thought was ´I fucked up.´

§

John Winchester looked around him he was in a hospital but how the hell did he get there?

Sam Winchester stirred and looked up at the nurse.

Dean Winchester woke up in a familiar bed, he blinked as saw the prey, he closed his eyes but remembered everything. He tried to sit up but his body wouldn't allow it. "Sam? Dad?" he winced and through his pain he rolled off the bed. He fell hard against the floor grunting in pain, the prey looked inviting but he didn't care at the moment. He ignored his instinct of hunger and concentrated on his family that needed him.

"You should eat or you'll die." Dean looked up to se Blake,

"Well then I guess I die." Dean snapped and crawled towards him leaving a trace of his own blood on the floor. The pain wasn't as strong as it had been in the barn.

"Stop moving!" Blake ordered and lifted him up as a rag doll.

"Fuck you, I have to find my dad and brother." Blake looked at Dean and sighed "what?" Dean panicked "tell me!" blood tickled down Dean's mouth and the dark spots got darker again. Blake held him tight not shaking him anymore because if he did so Dean would pass out.

"They are in a hospital." Blake replied calmly, he really didn't want to inflict Dean with any more injury. If Nathanael found out that he hurt Dean he was dead meat, no death would be a blessing, Nathanael would tear him up to pieces. Nathanael had been more moody then ever since Dean left, when he announced that he was getting Dean, the pack was relieved over that Dean would come back and calm Nathanael down.

"Fuck I have to go there." Dean said breathing quicker as blood started to fill his lungs again it felt like he was drowning his body was in panic shaking.

"Not until you eat." Everyone in the clan wanted Dean to stay, they needed him to keep Nathanael in check. It wouldn't surprise him if Nathanael made Dean his mate for all time, in fact he hoped for it. That would give his leader something to focus on and leave the rest to relax that they desperately desired.

"Screw that."

"You not leaving this room before eating that." Dean shook his head "do it." He said a little darkly knowing Dean that would object and as no surprise Dean spat out.

"No!"

"Nathanael is already pissed at you, you have already crossed the line. He will kill you!" he threatened knowing it was a lie, but Dean didn't know that. Dean could get away with anything and Nathanael would think he was the cutest thing. He had seen it. Even a blind and a death immobile man could se that Nathanael loved Dean and wanted him close…

"I have to…"

"Eat Dean," Blake demanded sharply, and sat him on the bed and pulled the prey closer, "eat and you can see your family." It felt weird saying that, Dean should get by now that the pack was his family now.

&

"Dad?" Dean asked walking into the hospital room, "dad?" the room was empty. He panicked and shook the nurse that said his father had checked out just an hour ago, and left with Sam. Dean ran out the hospital and crashed into Nathanael that looked at him and smiled softly. He hadn't seen him since the barn, he checked for injuries at Nathanael, that just looked at him warmly as he touched his chest smelling for blood or any scratch but found none.

Dean glazed into Nathanael's eyes as he grabbed his arm then kissed his hand and in his hand he gave him the colt. "Come back to me when you finished this." Dean heard a tone of hoarsely as if it was hurting him to let him go. It gave him hope that perhaps Nathanael could love him one day.

He nodded and grabbed Nathanael's neck and kissed him tenderly "thank you." Nathanael didn't reply but stood still as Dean left and Nathanael closes his eyes hearing Dean's car engine purr and leave the parking lot and his life once again. Damn Dean's brother for saying that Dean was free.

"Your welcome Dean." He sighed sad, the dull pain in his heart wouldn't go away until he knew Dean was safe and in his arms once again.

¤¤

Dean looked up at his father feeling his eyes burn, "dad" he choked out and saw the tears in his father's eyes that held his shoulder and hugged him tight. "I love you dad." Dean whispered, choking with emotion and smiled through his tears. "Sammy," Sam nodded through his tears. "You be good okay?" Sam nodded trying to keep his tears in check.

Dean felt his heart break but this was no longer his place, no longer his home. He felt tears fall down and he didn't care, this was goodbye. "Dean…" Sam said choking his voice trembling. Dean hugged him tight and kissed his forehead. He whispered into Sam's ear that he was proud over being his brother, proud that Sam would become something great. He looked at Sam and smiled tight. He saw the plea in Sam's eyes and in his fathers eyes and he nodded.

"I promise, I will see you two again. One way or another." He gave the colt to his father, "dad it's over, and I need you to stop. Go home to Kansas, or any safe place, I need to know you will find peace again." John couldn't speak. "Promise me." John nodded not trusting his voice. Dean smiled and tried to laugh "and you little shit, you better be that lawyer or I will kick your ass." Dean said sobbing a little through his smile.

"I love you son." John choked out, this hurt beyond physical pain. He nodded at his son that looked at him not wanting to go but this was a goodbye. They would see each other again, John knew this as the sun was warm.

"Bye Dean." Dean did a gesture with his fingers as a bye, he looked at them one last time remembering them just as they were and jumped into his car.

¤

Dean pushed himself up from the motel bed and looked at Nathanael, without a word he walked towards him and pulled him into a fierce hug. He buried his head in Nathanael's neck and breathed in deeply. He felt his eyes burn but didn't care, he hugged Nathanael tighter that hugged him back equal as tight. Dean moved slowly and pressed his forehead against Nathanael's and looked into his radiant blue eyes. Dean heard himself murmur the forbidden words into Nathanael's mouth.

"I love you."

He whished he hadn't as the second he said it, he tensed up and tried to back away slowly but Nathanael pressed his lips against his.

He closed his eyes and felt his soul melt into Nathanael's and kissed him softer, his hands found some skin under that black shirt and almost felt himself float. He clung on tight on Nathanael that clung on him. He never wanted to break the kiss but Nathanael did.

"Dean, I love you too." Dean's eyes snapped up and looked into Nathanael's eyes and he wanted to crawl inside of Nathanael.

His body tried to burry into Nathanael's that looked at him with so much love and softness and Dean hugged him tighter, he once again buried his face in Nathanael's neck and closed his eyes. This moment was something he always secret desired, he never wanted to move, never wanted to parted away from this feeling of bliss.

Nathanael kissed Dean's head feeling Dean's bliss and he allowed himself to just be with Dean. Just exist. Nathanael nudged Dean carefully and clasped his hand and lead him to the bed where they cuddled and pulled the covers up above their heads and closed their eyes.

He was home, "your home now." He heard Nathanael whisper into his lips, "You are finally home." Dean snuggled closer. Yes he was home at last.

THE END

I've been seaching a thousands of life times searching for home, now I lay in your bed and I know I'm home - from a poem from me.