*** This has nothing to do with the story here... It's purely for fun, completely off topic..tongue and cheek***

Here's some fluff. Let's call it intermission between The Five day rule Chapters 1 & 2.

The last chapter was a tough, tough one to write and the one going forward is going to be harder.

This was a fast write, to clear out my head before I attempt Dr, Flynn and Christian. It's a bow to the wonderful writers out here in fanfic-land. You're so talented and I know it can take a lot of guts to hit that "publish" button. This is all in good fun.

This was inspired by a one shot, Just to let you know" by CSAG13. Very creative and funny.

~~~~xxx~~~

Tongue and Cheek- Out of the Book.

"Christian, we can't do this"

"Fuck that Ana, we can do anything we want. Come, through here…"

"Are you sure it's ok?"

"I don't give a fuck. Come" He holds out his hand as he begins his journey

Christian goes first, squeezing through a pulpy off-white fog…his hand reaches out and grabs me pulling me with him.

I feel like we're both in a vacuum tunnel, until we pop out on the other side. We both brush off some of the off-white pulpy residue.

"How do I look?" I ask

"Beautiful as always, Anastasia".

"Which one did we come through?" He takes a look back from where we came

"The third one"

"Oh good, Freed. Our happy ending. Glad it wasn't the first one. I didn't want to travel through all that heartache again"

"So are you ready to talk?" I ask

"Absolutely baby"

~~~~XXX~~~

"I see you've been very busy boy out here Mr. Grey"

He lowers his head, ashamed.

"So it seems, Mrs. Grey."

"Care to explain yourself, Christian?"

"Baby, I can't help what they say out here. You know you're the only one for me."

"Seems your favorite appendage, your dick, has been getting a lot of attention here. You've had quite the bevy of subs while married to me. I've walked in on a few while you were fucking them, saw photographic evidence of others, some you've just confessed to."

"So it seems, Mrs. Grey. I hope they mention that I have quite a large appendage and I satisfied all of them."

I smack him on the arm. Hard.

"Stop it Christian. That's not funny. You've also fallen in love with some of the women you've had affairs with."

"Baby, you know that's just fiction. It would never happen in our real life. You are my only love. Besides, it seems to me that you have seen a little action yourself."

Great, now he looks angry.

"May I point out Christian, that any action I ever had was a direct result to your inability to keep your dick in your pants."

"Touché' Mrs. Grey. "

"I'm lucky I haven't caught an STD…I haven't have I?"

'Not that I'm aware of" He shrugs his shoulders.

"You know Christian….with all the crying I do here, we should really invest in the Kleenex and Covergirl companies. I must go through an endless supply of tissues and mascara"

"Fair point, well made" he nods in agreement.

"Maybe I should put out a request for an 'Ana gets laid first' storyline...any takers? Anyone, Anyone?"

"I don't think that will be necessary, Anastasia" Obviously Christian has lost his sense of humor. What little there is.

"Not so much fun when you're the suffering spouse, is it Grey?" I raise an eyebrow to him.

"I do not appreciate this line of thought, Anastasia"

"Oh, and don't put me with someone like Jose when I'm having the affair…I think Brad Pitt or Clooney would suit me just fine. Maybe Johnny Depp, he's cute…when he showers. Oh! David Beckham…now we're talking."

"Do you think this is funny, Anastasia?" His mouth forms a hard line. I better cut it out. Sigh. My jealous Christian is never far away.

"Oh course not Christian. You know you are my only love. I will never be with anyone but you. "

"You. Are. Mine"

"Yes, yours. Always. Can we move on now?"

"Of course." He relaxes a little bit.

"We've also been remarried a few times. That's nice, although the reasons why we divorced weren't so pleasant."

"I would like to state for the record, that I was not at fault in all of the remarriages we had"

"True, I fucked up once too" I admit.

"But I loved you anyway and remarried you." He proudly states.

"Yes, you did. Mr. Grey." I look at him lovingly. He is so sweet when he wants to be.

"What's the deal with Jack Hyde? What's with the police in Seattle? Hyde is constantly getting out of jail."

'Lots of loopholes in the jail system, baby"

"You know, we've been poisoned, shot, beaten, had tumors, amnesia, jumped out of windows, had cars crash into us…several times. Honestly, doesn't anyone in Washington know how to drive?

"Never a dull day for the Grey's, right baby?"

"Apparently. So, I hear Phoebe got knocked up." I cringe when I tell him this.

His eyes widen. I pat his arm.

"It's ok. It seems to be working out for her. And it's a good story. Teddy may have spermatized someone too. The Grey's certainly are a fertile group, aren't we?"

"Strong swimmers" He jokes. I hit his arm again.

"The Bitch Troll has reared her ugly old head a few times. I swear between her and your old subs, my life here has been full of drama and angst"

"Once you go Grey, you can't go away" he laughs, and then gives me his thousand megawatt grin.

"You're an arse." I roll my eyes.

"Did you just roll your eyes at me, Anastasia?"

"Oh stow you're twitching palm, Mr. Grey. We're not done here."

"Very well. Let's get on with it. Ready?"

"Ready. You go first."

"Very well. I love my wife. She is the world to me. She will forever be the twenty one year old girl I fell in love with in the black and white photos that fucker Jose took. It's been twenty years and I love her more every day. I will always be true to her. Forever More. Your turn baby"

"I love that Christian sees me as the sweet twenty one year old girl. But make no mistake. If he ever cheated on me, I'd string him up by his balls and fling him to the side of the road. Wouldn't I baby?"

"I believe you would, Mrs. Grey. Ready to go back now?"

"Yes, I feel better now that it's all been said." He starts leading me back to Freed.

"Ready?" He turns and asks,

"Do you think we could go back through Darker instead? I'd really like to revisit the Birthday playroom chapter."

He gives me a seductive smile.

"We aim to please, Mrs., Grey" He takes my hand and guides me over to Book Two.