A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. I really do appreciate it so much!
Here's the last installment of the Five Day Rule. After this flashback, we're back to 20 Years Later. I must say, getting inside Christian Grey's 27 year old tortured soul was torture for me.
There will be another 20 Years Later chapter coming up later today too.
I do not own the characters. They belong to E.L James.
~~~xxx~~~
The Five day Rule- Part Three
Tuesday:
I'm exhausted. Another night of nightmares… over and over and over. The lack of sleep is really taking its toll on me. I can barely think straight. I want these nightmares to go. I want Ana.
I pick up Ana's cell phone from my night table. She has two missed calls. One from Ray and the other from her mother. I smile. They must have called her to see how her first day of work went, and leave it to Ana to forget that she forwarded the calls to this blackberry. I think I'll keep this phone with me.
I miss her voice. I wonder if I just called her, if she'd even pick up the phone. Probably not. She hates me after what I did to her.
After a shower and shave, I go into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. Gail already has an omelet and fruit salad waiting.
Apparently Gail is still in caretaker mode.
"I made your favorite, Mr. Grey." She smiles.
"Fine." I mutter. I don't like to waste food and she knows it. Well played, Gail,. Well played.
~~~xxx~~~
I barely notice the drive to GEH. My mind is back to my session with Flynn. Am I capable of change? What can I offer Ana? Would she still want me? Is she over her infatuation with me? Am I too late? Has she already met someone? It's only been a few days, surely she hasn't yet. But she wants to forget me, taking another man into her bed would certainly solve that. The thought makes me sick.
Why did I get so wrapped up in my pleasure that I didn't think of Ana when I hit her. Why am I so fucked up? I know why. Because I'm a fucking sadist, that's why.
~~~xxx~~~
I'm sitting at my desk with Ros seated in front of me discussing the takeover of SIP.
Once I own SIP, I can keep tabs on Ana. No matter what happens between us, I need to know that she's always safe.
My mind starts drifting. Why hasn't she tried to contact me? Women like to get flowers, don't they? Does she hate me that much? She has access to a computer now; surely she could have emailed me.
"Christian?"
I blink a few times and snap myself out of my haze.
"Yes?"
"Are you alright? You seem a million miles away."
"Yes, yes. I'm fine."
"Are you sure you want to go through with this deal?"
"Yes. Just do it."
"Very well. The paperwork will be ready to sign by Wednesday."
~~~xxx~~~
"Andrea hold my calls," I growl.
I need some time to think.
So this is what loneliness feels like. I've been a loner my whole life and never felt lonely until now. I miss her.
I think about all our firsts. The first girl I flew on Charlie Tango. First girl who met my family. First girl I took soaring. First girl I would have taken to a public function. My first girlfriend. The first time I ever considered more.
These thoughts make me happy, then so sad. Look what I've lost.
Fuck it…I know what I want. I want her in my life. That's the one thing I am sure of. She is mine. I can't bear to think of her with anyone but me. She belongs to me.
What do I have to offer her? Why would she come back? She has no idea of complexity of my depravity and she must never find out. She'll be gone from my life forever if she knew and I can't allow that.
My cell phone rings. My heart jumps. Ana? I look down, disappointed that it's Elena. I let it go to voice mail. She's the last person I want to talk to now. I don't need her bullshit filling up my head.
~~~xxx~~~
I'm back at Flynn's. He must really think I'm in a crisis mode if he fit me in two days in a row. Who am I kidding…I am.
"So you've made a decision regarding our conversation last night?" he cocks his head to the side.
"Yes. I want to be with Ana. I know this"
"What are you willing to do to be with her?"
"Anything"
"That's a pretty broad answer, Christian. Can you be more specific?"
"Anything. I'm miserable. The nightmares are back. I think of her all day. I just want her back"
"Are you willing to give up the more extreme aspects of your lifestyle? Find your middle ground?"
"Yes. If it means she's in my life. Yes."
"Will you resent her for it? Think hard about this Christian. This isn't going to work if you can't truly commit to the changes you say you are willing to make. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to Anastasia."
"I will shy away from anything that will make her leave. The most important thing to me is that she is a part of my life and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen."
He smiles. Fucking Flynn.
"Very well, Christian. I must say, Anastasia has had quite a profound effect on you."
"I suppose she has. Elena has always said a vanilla relationship wouldn't satisfy my needs but I know I need Ana more."
"Is Anastasia aware of your relationship with Mrs. Lincoln?"
"Yes."
"How does she feel about it?"
"She hates her, calls her Mrs. Robinson."
Flynn bursts out laughing
"Your Anastasia sounds delightful. I'd love to meet her."
"Yeah, you'd like her. Everyone who meets her loves her."
"Including you? Do you love her?"
"Don't be ridiculous, I am not capable of love."
"What would you call the feelings you have for Anastasia, if not love?"
"I don't know…obsessed? She's like a drug to me and I need my fix" Flynn shakes his head and smiles skeptically at me.
"Do you think about a future with Anastasia?"
"Yes."
"You care about her? Her well being? Her safety? Her health?"
"Yes, of course."
"You enjoy spending time with her. You feel you have chemistry with her? You don't want to be with any other woman. The thought of her with another man makes you jealous? You miss her when she is not with you? You've shared things that you enjoy in hopes that you can enjoy them together?"
"Yes…I've told you all of this before. What's your point?"
"Don't you think this is more than a mere obsession…can you grasp the reality that you are most certainly, without the shadow of a doubt, head over heels in love with Anastasia? You can deny it to yourself all you want Christian, but that heart you claim does not exist has found love."
I blankly stare at him. Love?
"You can sleep on that Christian. Let's move on." He smiles.
"I've been thinking about what I have to offer Ana."
"And have you reached any conclusions?"
"Somewhat. I know I can take care of her. She is always taking care of others…her step father, her mother, even her roommate. She doesn't properly take care of herself, doesn't eat enough. She's too trusting, naïve even, when it comes to the way men react to her. I can protect her, keep her safe. I can take her places she's always wanted to see, experience them with her. I would really like that, I think she would too. I just have to keep the monster inside of me at bay."
"Christian. We've gone over this, you are not a monster. You've had a rough start in life. A very rough start, You're a very angry man… but you can overcome this anger and be the better man you wish to be…the man Anastasia sees in you."
"You know why I need to punish, John. Why I need to beat brown hair girls. It's what keeps me in control."
"You don't need that, Christian. You need to let some of your anger go. Forgive your birth mother and move forward with your life. You can do this."
"I know what works for me, John."
"If you want Anastasia in your life, you will need to find a better way to channel your anger."
"I'm just going to have to find a way to make this work."
"First thing you need to do is communicate with Anastasia, as a girlfriend, not submissive. Put your cards on the table. Negotiate a new contract, so to speak, one that benefits both of you."
"Maybe I should go to her place and do this now."
"Patience, Christian. Don't rush into doing things until you know how to do it. You have to walk before you can run. Think about it."
~~~xxx~~~
I find myself in my car, back at Ana's, staring at her building once again. The same light is on again.
The pain of losing her hasn't dulled at all...with each day, it's more intense. I wonder if she misses me.
Flynn says I love her. I never thought I was capable of it. Is this what love feels like? I just don't know.
'Look out the window Ana' I will her...but again...nothing. I miss her. I miss her so fucking much.
I'm going to get her back. I start the R-8 and head back to Escala.
~~~xxx~~~
Wednesday:
Waking up is a chore. It's just a reminder of a night full of nightmares and the reality that Ana has left me. Why won't she contact me? I look over at my night table. Her blackberry is sitting next to mine on top of her laptop. I pull out her laptop and power it up.
Her witty emails are there. They make me smile. I click on her bookmarks. There's only one. The picture of us at her graduation. My heart sinks. She saved a fucking picture of us. She really did care. She's so beautiful. My Ana. I glide my fingers on the screen and touch her.
Anastasia Steele...I am going to make you mine again.
Fuck this! No more sitting back and wallowing in my self pity...I have a new sense of purpose. I am going to get Ana back.
After a shower and shave, I grab our blackberrys and head out to start my day.
~~~xxx~~~
The purchase of SIP has been completed. The i's dotted and t's crossed. The sale has been embargoed for a few weeks while management gets their shit together.
Step one complete.
Flynn told me to give her time. I can't wait anymore. I'm going to have to do something. But what? How? Think, think.
As I'm sitting at my desk, beating my brain trying to come up with an acceptable opening of communication when Ana's blackberry buzzes.
Hey-R U still coming to the art show 2morrow?
Mother Fucker Rodriguez!
He'll be thrilled that I'm out of the picture. He'll be on her like white on rice. Fuck that shit.
Think, think, think.
Well, she did invite me to go with her. That's a good opener. She hasn't cashed the check yet, so she probably doesn't have a car.
Thank you Mother Fucker Rodriguez...Anastasia Steele...you are mine.
"Andrea, hold my calls. No visitors."
"Yes. Mr. Grey."
I have Barney get me her SIP address. Easy to do when you're the new owner.
What to write? What to write? Do I tell her I miss her? No...stick with pleasant...keep it light.
.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Tomorrow
Date: June 8 2011 14:05
To:Anastasia Steele
Dear Anastasia
Forgive this intrusion at work. I hope that it's going well. Did you get my flowers?
I note that tomorrow is the gallery opening for your friend's show, and I'm sure you've not had time to purchase a car, and it's a long drive. I would be more than happy to take you – should you wish.
Let me know.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
I hover my finger over the 'send' icon. Oh fuck it. I hit send.
And I wait and wait. With each ticking minute my heart sinks a little deeper into my gut. She's not interested. She hates me. Please Ana, answer me. I need to have you back in my life.
I continue to watch my monitor, willing an answer. Nothing. I've lost her. She really wants nothing to do with me.
Just when I've given up hope, an email pings from her. My heart jumps. I'm relieved and terrified.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Tomorrow
Date: June 8 2011 14:25
To: Christian Grey
Hi Christian
Thank you for the flowers; they are lovely.
Yes, I would appreciate a lift.
Thank you.
Anastasia Steele
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP
"YES!" I pound my fist on the desk.
Holy fuck YES! Relief washes over me.
I quickly respond.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Tomorrow
Date: June 8 2011 14:27
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Anastasia
What time shall I pick you up?
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
Tick, tick, tick.
"Come on Ana. Answer me"
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Tomorrow
Date: June 8 2011 14:32
To: Christian Grey
Jose's show starts at 7:30. What time would you suggest?
Anastasia Steele
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP
I'd like to say right now...I want to get you right now...
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Tomorrow
Date: June 8 2011 14:34
To:Anastasia Steele
Dear Anastasia
Portland is some distance away. I shall pick you up at 5:45.
I look forward to seeing you.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Tomorrow
Date: June 8 2011 14:38
To: Christian Grey
See you then.
Anastasia Steele
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP
Her answer is short and to the point. But I don't care...I'm going to see her. I can't believe I'm going to actually see her.
For the first time in a week, I feel hopeful.
~~~xxx~~~
I make arrangements with Taylor to have Charlie Tango ready for tomorrow. I'm pretty certain I saw him smile when I told him who I was going to Portland with. Seems Taylor likes Ana.
He'll meet us in Portland and drive us back home. Then I shall have the lovely Miss Steele all to myself. What else could we do but talk? And she won't be able to walk out.
I had Taylor take me to the Apple store to purchase an Ipad on the way back to Escala. There's so much I want to say to Ana, but I find it difficult to find the words. Music always spoke for me. Flynn said I need to communicate, I'll find the music that says it for me.
I feel a renewed sense of purpose. I'm on a mission.
~~~xxx~~~
Thursday:
I spent most of last night choosing music that says how I feel. I hope she likes it. I also added a Good Food app, Ana enjoys cooking and maybe this will encourage her to eat more. I added the British Library app...I'm confident she'll enjoy that. And a few more apps, I think she may like.
I download a picture of the glider on my desk. I want her to know that it means so much to me and I really did build it.
I remembered the picture of us I saw bookmarked on Ana's laptop and add that.
Now a note...
.
Anastasia~
I know what you want to hear
The music on here says it for me
~Christian
.
I hope this conveys my feelings.
I have the Ipad wrapped up with her laptop and blackberry. If everything goes the way I hope, I need to have communication with her.
The day drags on. I'm watching the clock most of the day. I'm edgy and anxious. I can't fuck this up. I have to have her back in my life. I don't know what I'll do if she rejects my new proposal. She can't.
~~~xxx~~~
I'm sitting in the back of the SUV in front of SIP, my fingers tapping on my knee. I'm so nervous. Even Taylor looks nervous.
The door to SIP opens and she walks out. I exhale the breath I was holding. Some fucker was holding the door for her. No doubt another admirer fallen under her spell.
She's wearing that plum dress I love so much, but it's hanging on her. Her face looks gaunt and her eyes too big on her beautiful face. She's lost weight. A lot of weight. She's been suffering too.
The closer she gets to the SUV...the more furious I feel. She doesn't take care of herself. That's why she needs me.
Taylor opens the door and she climbs into the SUV
"When did you last eat?"
~~~xxx~~~
"Earth to Dad. Hello...Dad…Are you still here?"
I close my eyes and shake my head of the memory.
"Sorry Phoebe. I was remembering something. Where's your mother?"
"In your bedroom, I think. Why?"
"I just need to see her."
I rush out of the kitchen and go off to our bedroom.
Ana is staring out the window, admiring the stunning view of the Olympic Peninsula.
I walk over to her and pull her into my arms. She still leaves me breathless. She turns to me.
"After all these years, I could never tire of this view."
I softly kiss her, looking only into her beautiful blue eyes.
"It's the most beautiful view I've ever seen. My favorite. I love you, Ana."
With all my heart.
"I love you too, Christian."