Thanks again to all my amazing readers! Particularly for the help with American culture! And again to SakuM183, I try to reply to every review I get via PM but you've got PMs blocked, so I'll just have to say thanks here again!
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Some more time jumps in this chapter :] If anyone's interested the story started on Friday 21st September 2012, which is the Autumn Equinox. Loki then found out Efanna's secret on the 5th October. This chapter is set during mid-October, roughly 15th-19th. I wanted to make sure that there was enough time for Loki and Efa's relationship to mature believably, and I'm setting the story around several events on the Pagan Wheel of the Year – it starts on the Autumn Equinox, and next is Samhain, which is Efa's birthday. I've made up a whole little calendar which I'm scribbling on to make sure I'm covering the required time properly! :D
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Chapter Thirteen:
Arguments
Loki looked up from the eggs he was attempting to crack as he heard a thud from the room next door. Now that he was aware of Efanna's secret he was amazed that she'd been able to keep it from him for so long. At least twice a day he would enter a room to find her sprawled on the floor, or make a comment only for her not to respond as she was slumped where she sat, dead to the world. He noted that she was spending far more time with him since her revelation, and now suspected that she had been avoiding him before in order to hide her many collapses.
She did claim, however, that her Visions were becoming more frequent than was usual, and Loki thought there may be other reasons for the increase in her company. Since he had told her that he did not hate her, her manner had become even more open and friendly than it had been before. She talked constantly, asking him question upon question about Asgard and the other realms, his past, his magic. There were, of course, times when Loki found this irritating, and her ceaseless questioning had often been the cause of bickering and petty arguments; but she seemed to have enough sense, or knowledge of him, to pick up on any dangerous subjects and carefully avoid them in future.
Annoying as it could be, Loki found that Efa's irrepressible interest was infectious, even flattering. She could listen to him talk for literally hours without the slightest hint of boredom, asking endless questions from the laughably obvious to the obscure and insightful. Loki had never before had so eager an audience, and his nature was such that he could not resist it for long. Whilst Asgard was indeed home to scholars and philosophists of great repute, pursuits of the mind were seen as something one undertook after age had stripped away prowess in more physical achievements. For one so young as he to prefer to spend his time immersed in books and learning rather than training and competing in various athletic activities was seen as peculiar and unbecoming. And so, for him to have someone who was to all intents and purposes around his own (comparative) age be interested in his studies and his knowledge was more refreshing than he would have believed.
Efanna's mind was quick and her Visions of his life had given her insight and knowledge that went far beyond any other mortal. She quickly grasped any concepts he introduced and it had not been long before they had begun having such intricate discussions as he had not enjoyed in years. The biggest surprise however, was when she had reprimanded him for voicing a particularly vulgar curse in Asgardian, revealing that she understood the language. When he had questioned her about this, her response had been as flippant and blasé as it often was, asking how else she was to have understood what had transpired in her Visions of his life if she didn't know his native tongue? However it became apparent that whilst she might be able to understand Asgardian, she was not entirely able to speak it. Her accent had been so entirely atrocious that Loki had immediately scorned and corrected her, which had led to Efa nagging him until he agreed to teach her. They now spent at least an hour every day conversing in his native speech, although he often winced as there was a particular set of sounds that she continued to butcher. Despite this, Loki was forced to admit that he found it comforting somehow to speak in his mother tongue, even if it was not the language that, biologically, he should have been raised using.
He looked back at the eggs, a smirk forming on his face as he found not a trace of shell within the mug he was cracking them into. In return for teaching her his language, Efa had insisted that she teach him how to cook. At first Loki had resisted learning a skill only becoming of servants, but he did have to admit that it was a fairly useful thing to know. He was not quite so patient a student as Efanna however, so her lessons in food preparation ended in arguments far more than those of his in language.
"Yay! No more eggs being thrown on the floor in frustration!" Efa called from the doorway, seeing the smirk on his face.
Loki chose to ignore that statement and instead turned to question her.
"What did you See?"
"Nothing much," she answered, evasively as always. Loki sighed in frustration.
"Past, present or future?" he asked adamantly.
Efa collapsed onto a chair and rubbed her shoulder painfully, looking at him as though assessing how persistent he was going to be.
"Future," she answered finally, giving in.
"And who did you see?"
Efanna paused before she answered, "…You."
Loki's eyes narrowed.
"If it was me you Saw I believe I have a right to know," he told her sternly.
"Yeah, but you're not going to like it," Efa replied, making a face.
Loki simply stared at her until she gave in again. No one could endure such a look for long.
"Fine," she sighed, "You were stood surrounded by a freezing mist. There were … creatures of some sort shrouded by it. Forms or shapes that I couldn't quite make out."
Loki's brow furrowed. It seemed an odd thing for her to be so reluctant to tell him.
"Why would I be unhappy to hear that?" he questioned suspiciously.
"Because you were blue," Efanna answered flatly, watching his face intently as his expression hardened.
Well that explained it. Loki was well aware that Efa had Seen his Jötunn form already, but he did not like the idea of anyone knowing what he looked like as the monster that he was. His jaw clenched and he stared at her harshly as though daring her to comment. She sighed at him.
"You know I don't care what you look like, Loki," she said, "I love you regardless."
"How could you possibly love so despicable a creature?" he asked bitterly, scowling.
"Because it's you, Loki," she answered irrationally. He still didn't understand why she would love him in the first place.
"Efa, I'm an Frost Giant," he reminded her, crossing his arms.
"Yeah? Well I'm ginger," she countered, standing up to face him.
"What effect does your hair colour have on who you are?" he asked, angered at her flippant response.
"Exactly!" she cried, "Absolutely nothing! Just like occasionally having blue skin has absolutely no effect on who you are!"
"Don't be so obtuse," he spat, "Frost Giants are monsters; vile, disgusting creatures that are little more than beasts, suitable for nothing more than slaughter."
"And that is how you see yourself is it?" Efa asked, one brow raised.
"It is what any Asgardian knows, what they are taught from childhood. What I was taught whilst Odin neglected to tell me that I was the very monster I was always told to hate."
His voice had risen to a shout now, but Efanna didn't back down in the slightest.
"Well that's Odin's problem and not yours," she told him sternly.
"It does not change what I am."
"So that's what you want to believe is it? That you're a monster who is hated by everyone?"
"It is the truth," he stated shortly as Efanna looked profoundly sceptical, "I am a disgrace to every race. My birth parents abandoned me and Odin only kept me as part of his damned politics. There is no reason for anyone to see any worth in my existence."
"Bollocks!" Efa cried, vigorously, "That's complete and utter bullshit, Loki, and you know it."
"Do I?" he asked, his tone dark as he took a step towards her, pulling himself up to his full height, fully prepared to teach this preposterous girl the truth of the matter. He was unlovable, he had been taught that the hard way.
"Well if you don't already then I'm damn well going to make sure you do!" she told him obstinately, "What you are doesn't have any effect on who you are. I couldn't care less if you're Jötunn, Asgardian, Human, or even, I don't know, some super intelligent space fish or something! You are what you choose to be, Loki! If you're the monster that parents tell their children about at night then it's because you've made yourself one, not because you were born a Frost Giant! And if you want to be something different then you can choose to be, simple as that. It's our actions that make us who we are, Loki, our choices, not what species our parents were!"
"If that's the case then you should have even more reason to call me monster!" Loki roared, "I've destroyed your cities, killed hundreds of your people, attempted to obliterate an entire race! If that does not prove that I am the monster I was born as, then what will? If I were to murder you, would you then accept my true nature?"
Efanna threw her hands in the air in frustration, as irrationally intent as ever on trying to prove him good.
"Loki, you were only driven to those actions because in that messed up mind of yours you thought it was the only way to gain acceptance! You acted like a monster because you believed that's what you were. But you're not, not inside, not in your heart, nor in your soul. That is not your true nature! It's something that pain and madness caused. Something you can come back from, something you can prove you are better than!"
Loki was breathing heavily, fists clenched so hard his fingernails were cutting into his palm. How could she truly believe such things? How could she think him capable of redemption after all he had done? How could she think him worthy of it? Why must she constantly argue for the existence of good in him when every other being was so convinced that it did not exist?
"Do you want to be a monster, Loki?" she asked quietly, stepping towards him and looking straight into his eyes, "Or do you want to prove that you're the man I know you are?"
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Loki was silent and as Efanna stared into his eyes she could see the pain and the conflict behind them. His desperate need to know who and what he was, and his equally desperate desire to be accepted, to belong. The silence stretched on and she knew he would be incapable of answering her question, but that very fact was a step in the right direction. If he truly believed himself to be everything he claimed then he would not have hesitated and she would most likely be dead on the floor.
Slowly she reached up one gloved hand and placed it on his cheek. His expression immediately turned to shock at such a gentle and intimate touch.
"You're just going to have to get used to the fact that someone damn well loves you, Loki," she told him calmly, "And there's nothing you can do to change that, so stop being so stubborn and accept it already."
There was a long silence.
"You are hardly the one to lecture me about stubbornness," he said slowly and Efa knew that she had won this particular argument. She smiled and stepped back, allowing him some space.
"Yeah well, I'm only stubborn when it's good for me, you're the one whose stubbornness is self-destructive," she retorted, poking her tongue out at him.
Loki stared at her for a long moment before slowly shaking his head, as if in disbelief.
"You are the single most absurd creature I have ever met," he told her.
"I shall take that as a compliment," she replied cheerfully.
Loki was more moody than normal over the next few days and Efanna suspected that his internal conflict was running on full thrusters. He started arguments more often and his snarky comments and insults grew gradually more and more personal and, well, insulting. It was her opinion that he was testing her, pushing her to the limits of her belief in him and seeing if she would snap. It was so deeply ingrained in his mind that everyone hated him that Efa wasn't at all surprised that it was taking him a while to get used to the fact that someone didn't. Although by her nature, Efanna was a very forgiving person, there were times when even she lost her patience. Loki was, after all, very good at infuriating people when he chose to be.
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Loki stood at the mantelpiece in the sitting room looking at the few photos that were arranged there. They were all of a fairly young woman with wild hair that matched Efanna's; in several of them Efanna herself was pictured, wound within this woman's arms.
"You look very like your mother," he commented as he watched Efa descend the stairs in the mirror which hung above the fire. She shrugged in response.
"I wonder what your father would say, should he meet you?"
He watched as Efa's jaw clenched and hid the smirk that he could feel tugging at his lips. Finally, she had reacted to something.
"Probably nothing pleasant," she said stiffly, "That's if he even recognised me at all."
"I can see why he was attracted to your mother," Loki continued ruthlessly, fuelled by Efanna's strained tone, "Yet I can understand why she was incapable of holding him down. I wonder if you shall face the same problem?"
He turned to better view her response, but was met with a strong right hook which collided squarely with his jaw.
"Do not talk to me about that bastard," Efanna warned, her voice low, "And do not mention him in the same sentence as my Mam again."
Loki raised his eyebrows in surprise, rubbing his jaw. This was more of a response than he had expected and she had hit him remarkably hard. He couldn't help but grin though. Perhaps now she would understand that he was not to be loved.
"Well well," he muttered, "Hit a soft spot have we?"
"You're not the only one with daddy issues, Loki."
The grin on Loki's face was instantly replaced with a scowl.
"You think your problems with your father can truly rival mine?" he asked contemptuously. How dare she trivialise the injustices of his past to the level of mere mortals? As he glared at her however, her own eyes only hardened.
"Well let's talk that through shall we?" she retorted hotly, "Who d'you want to start with, the Frost Giant who abandoned you, or the Asgardian who lied to you?"
At this point, Loki lost it. He forgot that he had been aiming to provoke Efanna, having completely overlooked the fact that she might retaliate with her own insults. She had so calmly accepted all his previous attempts to anger or offend her that, were he in a more calm state of mind, he might have been interested by the sudden change in her response. He was not however, so instead he returned her blow with one of equal force.
Things pretty much went downhill from there.
The fight was brutal, but well thought out. Both parties were angry enough to have been pushed to this point, but neither so much so that they let it overwhelm their actions. Loki knew he was unable to aim for Efanna's face, lest their skin touch, but as she was wearing her gloves, she did not have the same restriction. He was surprised, however, at her combat style, and skill. As he was in mortal form they were fairly evenly matched; he was a little stronger than her, but she a little faster. They fought in a similar way, with their minds rather than their muscles. Slowly, they circled each other in the small room, assessing their actions, anticipating their next moves. The blows that were landed were few, but perfectly aimed. To an onlooker they might have appeared almost to be dancing they so perfectly complimented each other's actions. Neither would allow the other to strike if in doing so it did not gain them an advantage of some sort, otherwise they would spiral and dodge only to return, face to face, searching for any opportunity or weakness.
They continued like this for several minutes until, with a low kick, Loki swept Efanna's legs from beneath her and she landed with a sickening crack as her head hit the corner of the coffee table. The noise brought Loki out of his rage and he hesitated for a moment, which Efanna used to roll and knock his own legs out from under him. He was more fortunate in his landing, his head being cushioned by the sofa as he fell, but Efa had quickly leapt from the floor to stand above him, one foot on his chest, both of them breathing heavily.
"Uh, Efanna? You do realise you're bleeding, don't you?" Loki pointed out, after his temper had sufficiently settled.
"Of course I do, I still feel pain you know and that bloody hurt," she snapped at him, "Are we done here?"
Loki considered the situation, Efanna's obvious injury and his less-than-ideal position, before slowly giving his agreement.
"Good," she huffed.
She removed her foot from his chest and reached up to the back of her head, wincing slightly. Loki pushed himself up and collapsed onto the sofa, suddenly becoming aware of several of his own aches and pains. Mortal bodies were certainly a lot less resilient than Asgardian or Jötunn ones.
"Are you alright?" he asked, noting that Efanna was still examining her skull.
"Yeah, fine. I've had worse," she sighed, "You?"
"I've had worse," Loki agreed with a half-smile, half-grimace.
Efa chuckled lightly and flopped down on the sofa next to him.
"Well, that was exciting," she commented after catching her breath, her tone surprisingly cheerful.
"That's one way of putting it," he responded dryly, turning his head to look at her in confusion as she actually seemed to be grinning, "How did you learn how to fight by the way? Your skill far exceeds anything I would have thought your mother could teach you."
"Well you don't know my Mam," she said, chuckling, "But you're right, she only taught me the basics."
"Who did teach you then?" Loki questioned, "Considering as you claim not to have met anyone else since her death."
"You did," Efanna answered with a smirk.
Loki raised his eyebrow.
"I don't believe I recall such instruction."
"Yeah, well, you haven't yet," Efa explained, "And I guess it's possible that you never will now that I've already learnt, I mean there's not much point in you teaching me something I already know is there?"
"So you claim to have learnt from a Vision of me teaching you to fight?" Loki clarified.
"Yup!" she confirmed with aplomb, "Although I put in a good deal of practice too, it's not like I had the Vision and then, poof! I could do it."
"Interesting," he mused, "So you learned from a Vision of something that had not yet happened, that in teaching you, may cause it not to happen at all?"
"Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey."
"Indeed," Loki agreed, smirking at the reference which he now understood.
"Let's agree not to discuss our fathers in future though," she suggested, "Exhilarating as that was, I think both our bodies would thank us if we didn't repeat it on a regular basis."
"I wasn't aware that the subject would get quite such a reaction from you."
Efanna turned her head towards his, raising her eyebrows.
"It was what you were digging for though, wasn't it?"
Loki should have known she would've seen through his actions as she always seemed to. He had not yet gotten used to the idea that there was someone who understood him so fully. She stared at him for a long while, her white eyes piercing, and for one of the only times in his life, Loki found it hard to hold another's gaze.
"I'm afraid you didn't get what you were looking for though," she informed him, "Or perhaps you did…"
Loki questioned her with his eyes and she smiled at him with a brief chuckle.
"Still love you, Loki," she told him lightly in explanation.
Loki's heart gave a pathetic sort of wrench as she said the words and he cursed himself for his weakness. As they lay there, exhausted, he desperately searched her eyes for any sign that she might be lying, or mistaken, or teasing him somehow. But despite his long examination he could find no evidence of any of those things, only an abiding gentleness and compassion that he had never seen before. Although his mind rejected the very possibility, he couldn't help but begin to wonder whether she might actually love him after all.
So, Loki's made some fantastic progress over the last few chapters, but I really don't think that he can be turned around so easily, so he kinda took a bit of a step backwards in this one. The way I see it is a bit like a broken bone – if it sets wonky then you have to break it again before you can set it straight; when Odin broke Loki's heart he patched it up with hate and resentment because he didn't have anything else, now if Efa wants to make it better again she's going to have to re-break it before she can truly heal it. Loki's troubles are so deeply ingrained that I didn't think he could turn around just because someone simply told him they loved him. There's something good old Hiddleston once said about the question about Loki's redemption being whether he can accept forgiveness and whether he can forgive himself. So that's something I'm trying to explore. Poor Loki.
I also wanted to show that Efa's not perfect either! She's generally calm and lovely, but there are certain things that set her off, and when they do she lives up to the whole 'fiery redhead'!
Let me know what you think and I shall love you forever! :D