Christmas in Aspen

A/N: Thank you for all the kind reviews. Love reading them. They always keep me keeping on.

It's been interesting writing C&A as a married couple in this story and C&A as singles in A Different Way. Two very different C&A's…that's for sure. Fifty Shades- A Different Way should be updated in a few days. Thanks for all your support in the new story. I really appreciate it.

Back to the show…..

Here's the Grey's Christmas story. I hope you enjoy.

I do not own the characters. They belong to E.L. James. This is just for fun.

Christmas in Aspen

When I was growing up, Christmas was always a pretty subdued event. I never had the wonderful noisy insanity that came with big family at a Christmas time. I'd watch endless television specials and wish I was in the midst of the wild gift openings, a Christmas feast set out on a long table with brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles laughing and talking over each other.

Mine were always quiet. Mom, Ray and me…sometimes a family member or two would be thrown into the mix or a family friend, but never the celebration my television families were enjoying. And once Mom and Ray divorced, it was one house or the other.

That's why being part of this big wonderful family, especially during the Holidays, is so meaningful to me. It's the Christmas of my childhood dreams. All the money in the world could not buy this kind of chaotic bliss.

This year we've decided to go to Aspen for Christmas week. We've invited all the Greys to the Aspen house. Mom and Bob are going on a Caribbean cruise so they were unable to join us. Kate and Ethan's parents will be at their own home in Aspen. They'll join us join us for dinner on the twenty fifth.

A few of us are flying in the GEH jet and others are flying out on their own and will meet up with us.

It's a week before Christmas Eve; I'm organizing the boxes of ornaments that will be traveling with us to the Aspen house. We've arranged to have the Aspen house decorated and the tree have only its lights on it before we arrive, I don't want a decorator putting on the ornaments. That's a tradition I want to keep for us, as a family. Our Christmas tree may not be the designer tree most wealthy families pay to display…but it's meaningful. It's messy, unorganized, mismatched…it's ours.

My mind is flooded with sentimental memories, as I look through each box of ornaments. Each ornament represents a special moment in time. Boxes full of pinecones with glitter and tissue paper balled and glued in each pinecone shelf, felt hand prints with school pictures glued in the center, ice cream stick snowflakes painted white with rhinestones. Things the kids made when they were in grade school. There's a few 'Our First Christmas' ornaments we received as gifts from Grace and my Mom, 'Baby's First Christmas' ornaments, glass Mickey and Minnie mouse ornaments we purchased at Disneyland, a Charlie Tango helicopter that lights up with rotating rotors, a glass vanilla Ice cream cone ornament that Christian bought as a private joke. Amazing how so many memories can be held in a simple cardboard box.

"Mom, Grandpa called earlier. He wants to know what time the flight is scheduled for on the twenty fourth."

"Ok, Phoebe. Which Grandpa called?"

She stares at me, waiting for the light bulb to go on. Then it hits me.

"Sorry Phoebe, momentary lapse, I forgot about Grandpa Ray. I'll call back your Grandpa Cary later."

It will be strange having a Christmas without Ray. Sometimes I forget he's gone. Then when I remember, I'm overwhelmed with sadness. I miss him so much.

I go to bed some nights hoping I'll dream of him, just so I can see him for a little while or hear his voice. I really miss his voice. Sometimes I think I hear him calling me from another room, even when I'm wide awake. It's amazing the tricks your mind can play on you. After he died, someone told me that the funeral was the easy part. The hard part comes after. I couldn't understand how it could be any harder than it was that day, but now I get it.

There were a few times while I was at my desk at work when out of the blue, I'd just break down and sob. I'd have to shut my ringer off and take some time to collect myself. Or I'd break down in the shower… or if I heard a song on the radio that made me think of Ray. Random times. The grief really doesn't hit you until you get back to your daily life… and when it does, it's like a Mack truck plowed you down.

Getting back to real life, accepting the fact that he's truly gone forever is your new reality… that's the rub.

Most days I'm fine, but there are small snippets of moments in a day where my grief feels unbearable. What I'd give just to have one more day with him, an hour, even ten lousy minutes. But it is what it is and we go on because we have no choice.

~o0o~

"Where's the dog?"

"For crying out loud Christian. He's over there, harnessed in a chair next to Phoebe. He's fine."

Yes, Baxter Grey gets his own seat on the GEH jet. Heaven forbid Christian goes a few days without his precious little buddy.

Grace, Carrick, Kate, Elliot, their kids Ava and sixteen year old son, Nicky are also seated.

Teddy and his girlfriend, Maddie, are flying in from Massachusetts after spending Hanukkah with her family. This will be the first time we're meeting her. The poor girl meets the entire family all in one shot. What an introduction. I hope we don't overwhelm her. The rest of the family is flying to Aspen on their own. They'll meet up with us at the house throughout the day.

Crap. Michelle is our flight attendant again. I'm never too thrilled when we have her. I don't like the way she drools over my husband. Christian is oblivious to it, or at least he tries to make me think he's oblivious to it, but I'm not blind… or stupid.

Sometimes I wonder if Christian has her on the flights we take together intentionally. He knows I get jealous and possessive of him and he eats it up. Most times we end up take a "nap" in the bedroom in the back of the jet to ease my jealousy pangs. We have been card carrying mile high club members for years, the first being our wedding night.

Of course, since this trip has a plane full of family members that won't be happening.

~o0o~

Take off went smoothly and we're a little over two hours away from Aspen.

"Can I get a beverage for you Mr. Grey?"

Uh, hello? Am I invisible?

Christian looks up from the P&L report he's reading.

"Coffee, thank you." He politely nods and goes back to reading his reports.

"Mrs. Grey, can I get you anything?" Nice that I'm an afterthought. Whatever happened to ladies first?

"Yes, a cup of tea please." I twist my wedding band around in front of her. I know I'm being obvious but I don't care. Don't even dream it bitch, he's mine.

Christian peeks over at me from the corner of his eye. He's trying to hide his amused smirk. He's picked up on the message I'm sending out to Miss Overzealous Flight Attendant. He loves when I'm possessive of him. He lowers the report in his hand and gently kisses my hair. I turn to him and smile.

"Very well. Mr. and Mrs. Grey." She moves on to the rest of the family's beverage orders.

Kate is already fast asleep with her head leaning on Elliot's shoulder. The kids are chatting away, trying to soothe Baxter's nerves. Poor Baxter takes a while to adjust to new surroundings. He's really only comfortable under Christian feet. Carrick is reading a newspaper and Grace is reading a trashy chick lit novel. Who would have thought Grace was into that kind of book? I'll have to keep her in mind when I study demographics for our book releases.

After our drinks are served, Michelle offers up a small fruit and cheese platter or a sandwich for anyone interested. I would pass on it, but I don't want to feel Christian's disapproving stare for the rest of the flight.

Sure enough, as Christian eats the last grape on his plate and Miss "What Can I Shake in Front of You" is back. Jeez, I'm surprised she didn't personally peel the damn grapes and feed him. I can feel my tension rising. It's hard to be dignified when I want to gauge out her eyes right out of their sockets.

Note to self: The flight attendant goes once we're back at home. Merry Fucking Christmas to me.

"You look tense ,baby. A nap might help," Christian whispers in my ear.

Yeah, that'll go over well. Ah, sorry family, but I'm having pangs of insecurity so my husband is going to take me to the back of the plane to bang the living daylights out of me to reassure me that he wants only me. Yeah, that'll go over really well.

"That's ok. I'll wait for my nap later, when we're at the house. Then I'm going to need a long nap. You may want to lay down with me. We both know how the change in altitude can wear you out."

"You may be right." He nuzzles his nose onto my neck.

"I'm always looking out for your health and welfare, Mr. Grey." I kiss his forehead.

~o0o~

Our landing was smooth and it's time to get the troops loaded in the minivan waiting for us. Taylor had arranged for all of our transportation and security but he and Gail stayed back in Seattle to be with their granddaughter. Roger and William will be our security detail for the week. I'm sure they were compensated well for the holiday work time.

We climb into the minivan and head out to the house. Our luggage will follow separately in another van.

"Remember the first time we came to Aspen? Christian knocked out that blonde guy to the floor? Priceless!" Kate jokes.

A billion things we can talk about and Kate chooses this topic to bring this up.

"Dad, you hit someone?" Phoebe's eyes open wide.

Christian smiles. After all these years, he's still quite proud of that punch.

"Yes, the fucker had it coming. He was making a play for your mother."

"Impressive Dad." She nods in agreement

"Phoebe, you know we don't condone that kind of behavior. Do we Christian?" I furrow my brow and scowl at him.

"Fucker deserved it, Anastasia. That's all I'm saying." Oh, Impossible man!

"Your Uncle Elliot had to hold your Dad back, Pheebs. Your Dad was out to kill."

Grrr…Thank you Kate.

"Let's talk about happy things, it is Christmas after all." I try to steer the conversation away from this topic.

"Do you still have that dress? That short dress?" Christian whispers in my ear.

"No, but I can find a replacement," I whisper back.

"Good. Do that. Then wear it for me, only me. Understand?"

"Yes Sir." I blush.

~o0o~

We arrive at the house. The decorators did an outstanding job with the Christmas lights and garlands.

Thick green pine garland with pinecones and slow twinkling white lights surround the doorway. There's a huge pine wreath on the door with silver and gold balls. Six tall lanterns lead up to the front door. The bushes and trees in the front are adorned white lights.

We are greeted by Tom Bentley, Mr. & Mrs. Bentley's son who now manages the property.

"Welcome back Mr. and Mrs. Grey. Good to see you again."

"Tom. Hope you are well." Christian shakes his hand.

"Hi Tom, good to see you." I give him a quick hug. Christian frowns. He hates when I'm friendly with the staff. I pretend I didn't notice his disapproval, grab his hand and walk into the house.

As we enter the house, we're immediately hit with the scents of Christmas... pine, cinnamon and wood burning in the fireplace. It's a heady combination of scents that I absolutely love.

The stone fireplace mantle has fresh pomegranates brushed with tiny iridescent crystals beads tucked into fragrant pine garland. A row of off-white pillar candles are lit and spaced across the mantle. Sprigs of red crystals tucked into the garland repeat the color of the pomegranates and add some sparkle.

"Oh Tom, the house looks wonderful. Thank you."

"I'm happy you approve Mrs. Grey. The tree lights are on. Colored lights, as you requested. "

The tree is huge and looks lovely in the sitting area.

If it were up to Christian, everything would be white...but I like a little pizzazz, so the color lights on the tree was our compromise.

"It's perfect. Thank you." I feel like a little girl all over again. I can't wait to start decorating our tree but I have to wait for everyone else.

The adults each have a bedroom on the first floor. The kids wanted to bunk together, so they'll be sleeping on air mattresses and couches in the downstairs den. I'm betting it'll be an all-night video gaming competition.

~o0o~

The house is relatively quiet in the early afternoon. Everyone seems to be settling in. Travel days are so exhausting. Christian and I are on one of the couches in the sitting room. I'm reading the Aspen Times to see what going on in the area while we're in town and Christian is lying across the couch, with his head resting in my lap. Occasionally I'll run my fingernails through his hair. He groans in appreciation as he drifts off to sleep. Even Baxter is wiped out. He's been out cold, sleeping by the fireplace.

Carrick and Grace are napping in their room. Elliot and Kate took a quick trip into town to pick up a few last minute gifts. Phoebe, Ava and Nicky are downstairs, doing whatever it is teenagers do.

I love the quiet.

"Helloooooooooooo. We're here."

So much for peace and quiet. Like an F-5 tornado, Mia, Ethan and their three munchkins come barreling into the room.

"Shit," Christian quietly mumbles. I lightly smack him.

"Hush Christian. Be nice."

Christian wakes himself up and stands, extending his hand to me. I take his hand and he helps me off the couch.

Baxter runs under the coffee table in front of us to hide.

"Oh Ana, the place looks great!" Mia gives me a big hug.

"Thanks. I really can't take credit for it." I confess.

"Oh, you paid for it, that's half the battle." She dismissively waves her hand and smiles.

That's what I love about Mia; she can always put a positive spin on anything.

The kids, Olivia, Emma and Billy spot Baxter hiding under the table.

"Is that your dog Uncle Christian?" Emma asks.

"Yes, but you have to be very careful around him. His last family wasn't very nice to him, he's afraid of people. You can talk to him, but don't get too close to him. He will come to you when he's ready. "

"Okay."

The three walk over to the coffee table. Baxter is still hiding, but not trembling. He seems to be more comfortable around children than adults. We've theorized that it was an adult or adults that likely abused him. I know eventually he'll warm up… it just has to be on his timetable.

"Oh, he's so cute. Hi Baxter!" Olivia squeals.

I can see Christian is getting nervous for his dog.

"Hey guys, the rest of the kids are downstairs. Why don't you go find them? Your cousin Teddy should be here in about an hour" I point in the direction of the stairs leading to the downstairs den.

"Oh good, I want to play beauty parlor with Phoebe and Ava," Emma squeaks.

"Billy, I'm sure your cousin Nicky will be happy to see another boy."

Billy nods. He's so quiet compared to his boisterous sisters.

~o0o~

"Anyone around?"

Teddy!

"We're in the kitchen," I yell across the house.

Teddy walks in the kitchen holding hands with an adorable red headed girl.

"Mom, Dad…this is Maddie."

"Maddie." Christian smiles and nods.

"So good to finally meet you Maddie." I give her a quick hug.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Grey. Thank you for having me," she shyly says.

"We're so glad you could come. You're going to have quite an introduction. You got the entire Grey clan this week."

"Yes, Teddy told me. I've been looking forward to it." She smiles and looks lovingly at my son. I think I like this girl.

She's looking around the house in awe. Yeah, I remember that feeling. It's a lot to take in if you're not used to it. I still don't think I'm used to it.

"How was your flight Teddy?" I ask.

"Good Mom. Nothing out of the ordinary. Where's everyone else? I want to get the introductions over with so Maddie can relax."

"Your cousins are downstairs. I think your Aunts and Uncles are there too. Uncle Elliot has challenged Uncle Ethan to some kind of video game battle."

"And where's the dog I hear replaced me as the favorite son"

Christian laughs, although I'm not so sure Teddy is too far off from the truth.

"Baxter is probably hiding from Aunt Mia's kids. You'll find him eventually."

"Ok... We're going downstairs… back in a few."

Maddie shyly smiles, Teddy takes her hand and they head out to meet the rest of the crew.

"She seems quiet."

"Christian, you have no idea how overwhelming walking into all this can be to someone who doesn't live like this."

He shrugs.

~o0o~

Our Christmas Eve tradition is to order in takeout pizza. It's fun, easy and how can't you like pizza?

After we finish our meal, it's time to decorate the tree. Tom had all the ornament boxes set up near the tree. The kids open the boxes and begin to hang the ornaments.

There's a Nat King Cole Christmas Cd playing in the background. I love the classics.

Christian sneaks up behind me and puts his arms around my waist, as we watch the kids hang the ornaments.

"I have something for you," he whispers in my ear.

"You do?"

"Yes, here." He hands me a small box.

"It's not Christmas yet. Shouldn't I wait until tomorrow?"

"No open it now."

I unwrap the little box and sigh. It's a wallet size picture of Ray in a small silver frame tree ornament with "Always in Our Hearts" engraved on it.

I look up at Christian and smile. This has to be one of the sweetest gifts he ever given me.

"This way, he'll always be with us on Christmas." he shrugs.

"Thank you. I love it." I softly kiss him then walk toward the tree and hang it, right in the middle of the tree, a true place of honor.

After hanging Ray's ornament, I walk back to the entranceway of the sitting room and watch the children place the remainder of the ornaments on the tree.

Christian stands behind me again and wrapping his arms around my waist, holding me as we gaze at the tree. I turn around to face him, wrap my arms back around his waist, close my eyes and smile. He always thinks of the sweetest things to give me. This meant so much to me. I couldn't love him anymore than I love him right now.

"Uncle Christian, you're under the mistle-toad. You have to kiss Aunt Ana" Olivia squeals.

"The mistle-toad, eh?" Christian has an amused smirk on his face as he looks up and sees that we are standing under a sprig of mistletoe.

She nods her head.

"Well, who am I to argue with mistle-toad?"

He swings me around, dips me and gives me a full-on PG-13 kiss. The adults and older kids are hooting and howling at us. I'm bright crimson and giggling. There was a time when Christian would never show such public displays of affection, not anymore. He loves me and wants the whole world to know.

"Ho Ho Ho!"

We all turn to see Elliot dressed as Santa holding his stomach as he over exaggerates his belly laughs... Mia and Ethan's children's eyes light up.

Ah, the magic of Christmas through the eyes of babes. There's nothing in the world like it.

"Santa!" They scream in unison.

Elliot was born for this role. He looks like he's having the time of his life. He sits down on the couch and motions the kids to come over to him. The parents and older kids are standing around with huge grins on their faces.

Olivia goes first. Olivia is at that age where she's not quite sure if Santa is real or not, but isn't willing to take the chance to call him on it, just in case. She doesn't want to lose out on presents.

"Were you a good girl this year?" Elliot asks.

"Yes." She nods.

"Did you listen to your Mom and Dad?"

"Yes."

"Very good young Olivia. Don't go to bed too late tonight and don't forget my milk and cookies for later."

Next up is Billy. Billy is so serious.

"Ho Ho Ho Billy. Were you a good boy?"

"Yes, Santa."

"Well. Don't you worry; you are on the Nice List. Don't go to bed too late and be a good boy for your parents. Here, have a candy cane."

He hands Billy a candy cane and Billy jumps off his lap.

Next up is Emma, their youngest.

'"Hello young Emma. Were you a good girl this year?"

"Yes, Santa. I was super-duper good." She vigorously nods.

"I checked my list before I came here and you are on the Nice List."

"Yay! Ah, Santa?"

"Yes Sweetie?"

"I'm glad you found your pants."

"Found my pants?" He frowns.

"Yeah, last year when I saw you in Mommy's bed without your pants, you said she was helping you find them."

Ethan puts his hand on his head and looks down toward the floor, shaking his head. Mia is bright red.

"Hmm...It seems Santa may have been on the Naughty List that night," Elliot jokes.

"Uh, okay Emma. I think you took enough of Santa's time." Mia lifts Emma off Elliot's lap.

The adults are all quietly cracking up, even Grace and Carrick. We've all been there… maybe not caught in the act wearing a bottomless Santa suit, but we can relate to their embarrassment.

Elliot walks over to Kate. Kate has her arms crossed with a big smirk on her face.

"Hello there young lady. Have you been a good girl this year?"

"Yes, Santa. I've been good." She rolls her eyes.

"Well, maybe when I'm done with this gig, I can ditch Mrs. Claus and show you my Christmas balls."

Elliot has no shame!

"Santa, you keep talking like that in front of these children and the only balls you're going to have are blue balls."

He grins.

"Well folks, Santa and his pants must now leave you. I have a sleigh full of toys I need to deliver tonight. Ho Ho Ho and all that jazz."

He gives a dramatic wave and walks out the front door.

~o0o~

Everyone has gone off to bed. The presents have been quietly placed under the tree.

Christian and I are wrapping up our night. I purchased a new outfit just for this trip and I'd like to christen it tonight. Christian is standing by the foot of the bed when I walk into the room from the ensuite.

He looks at me and his mouth curls into a sinful grin, suitable for only dirty, dirty boys.

I'm wearing a strapless red satin is corset embellished with black lace overlay and trim. My cleavage is pushed up so high that even I can't take my eyes off my breasts. It has a lace up back and hook, eye closures in the front, garters and a matching G-string. Attached to the garters are black lace top thighs high stockings. My shoes are t-strap sandals and crystal coated four and a half inch stiletto heels.

"You like?"

"Fuck Ana." The look in his eyes is pure carnal desire. Perfect.

I smile.

"Turn around baby. I want to see all of you." He twirls his finger around.

Slowly, I turn. I hear a soft groan from Christian. Yes, he most definitely likes what he sees.

"What do you want Christian?" I whisper.

"I want to touch every inch of you, baby."

"Soon. First, I want to give something."

"I'll take whatever you're offering."

"Open this." I hand him a small box.

He takes the box and opens it. His lips curl up to a sexy smile.

It's a sprig of mistletoe.

"Mistletoad?" he asks, amused.

"Where ever you put that mistletoad, I'll kiss."

"This presents a great many possibilities." He arches his brow.

"Yes it does Mr. Grey" I answer in a low husky voice.

He stands in front of me and trails his index finger across the edge of the top of my corset. He sucks in a deep breath then sharply exhales.

He shakes his head with a sly grin.

"First place to kiss…here." He places the mistletoe over his groin.

~o0o~

It's Christmas morning and time to get up. There's breakfast to be made and presents to open.

"Merry Christmas baby."

"Merry Christmas. Ready for the insanity?" I snuggle in close to him.

"I'd rather stay here with you all day."

"Our guests will come looking for us."

"We have a lock."

I giggle. He has a point.

"For as much as I'd love to lounge in bed with you all day, Mr. Grey, we have hosting duties. I'm going to take a quick shower."

I grab a robe and head for the shower. I step in the shower and enjoy warm water washing over me. I close my eyes and tilt my head back to wet my hair.

"Can I soap you up?"

I jump. Christian is in the shower with me.

"You startled me Mr. Grey"

"I'm sorry. Can I make it up to you?"

"Just how will you do that?"

"I'm a man of many talents, I'm sure I can find an acceptable way to earn your forgiveness. Now let me clean you, so I can get you dirty again."

Now there's an offer I can't refuse. So much for a quick shower.

~o0o~

There are voices coming from the sitting room. A lot of voices. I guess our shower took longer than I thought.

As we enter the room, we see Mia and Ethan and their three kids, with the look of wonder at Santa's gifts under the tree. It's magical to witness. Grace and Carrick are sitting on one of the couches with huge grins.

"Can we open our presents?" Olivia asks Mia.

"Not until everyone is awake, Livvy."

"Olivia, why don't you go downstairs and wake up the others." I tell her.

"Really?" Her eyes widen.

"Yes, sweetie. Really. They can go back to sleep after we open our gifts."

About fifteen minutes later, Olivia shows up holding Phoebe's hand. Phoebe does not look happy.

Slowly, the rest of the teenagers stream into the sitting room with their blankets still wrapped around them, looking tired and grumpy. Kate and Ethan join the family as well. Everyone looks exhausted.

"Can we open them now?" Emma asks.

"Yup. Go for it." Ethan nods.

And with that a present opening free-for-all frenzy takes place. The sounds of ripping wrapping paper, laughter, battery operated toys and squeals of joy…the sounds of Christmas fill the house. It's wonderful.

"I'll go make some coffee." I leave for the kitchen to get a pot of coffee going and the kettle for my tea.

Christian follows close behind.

"Come to help me make coffee?" I ask.

"No, I want to give you your Christmas gift."

"Oh, okay. Hold on. I want to give you yours. Don't go away."

I run up to our bedroom and grab a little gift bag.

When I get back to the kitchen, Christian is putting muffins and bagels on trays.

"Setting up breakfast, how very domesticated of you."

"As I told you before, I'm a man of many talents. Do you need another reminder?"

"Yes" I grin.

He grins back. God, I love this man.

"Here." I hand him the gift bag.

He pulls a paper out of it and looks at me quizzically.

"It's a deed to a property in Detroit. I know you always wanted to build a shelter for abused children there. You now own the property to do it."

He puts his hand on his forehead and shakes his head.

"It was always difficult for me to take that first step, especially there. Thank you for this. It's perfect."

"Now that the first step is done, we can walk the rest of it together."

He sweetly kisses my lips.

"Here, for you." He hands me a small box. I unwrap it and take out a picture frame.

It's a picture of a bench. I recognize it immediately. Ray made in his shop. The bench is under a gazebo at a lake.

"Is that Lake Sylvia Park in Montesano?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Ray used to take me there when I was a girl to fish."

"I remember, you told me." I probably told him about the lake ten years ago, his attention to detail is amazing.

"So Ray's bench is permanently at the lake?"

"Yes, so fathers can take their daughters fishing. There's something else, open the envelope."

I open the envelope taped to the picture frame. It's a plaque.

In Memory of Raymond Steele

"The two best times to fish is when it's rainin' and when it ain't."

"I recognize that quote, it's by Patrick McManus. Ray used to repeat it all the time. This plaque is for the bench?"

He nods.

"Christian, I don't know what to say. It's lovely. Thank you. Thank you."

I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him.

"Oh for crying out loud, can you two keep your hands off each other for five minutes and make the damn coffee."

"Fuck off, Elliot."

~o0o~

Mia took the reins in the kitchen and prepared an impressive feast. She had emailed Tom the ingredients she needed and he made sure the kitchen was stocked.

Grace, Kate and I served as sous-chefs. Phoebe, Ava and Maddie began to set the tables. There are two, the adult's table and the kids table. All the children, even the teenagers insist on sitting at the kids table. They say it's tradition.

Who am I to argue with tradition?

One by one, tray after tray of roasted vegetables, salads, mashed potatoes, a stuffed turkey and a ham are carried out to the table. The house smells heavenly. You can gain five pounds from the aroma alone.

Everyone is seated at the dining table. Kate and Ethan's parents have joined in our festivities. It's a house full of family and love. I don't know if this is what Currier and Ives pictured when they printed their Christmas scenes, but it's perfect for the Greys.

I look around the dinner table, there's people talking over people, kids running around the tables in circles, laughter, the room is bursting with life… yet I feel a void. For as happy as I am to be here with this family I love so dearly, I miss Ray. I miss him so much.

I'm standing next to Christian, who is seated at the head of the table. Before I sit down for our meal, I'm making sure everyone is seated and has everything they need. Christian stands holding up his wine glass.

"Excuse me everyone. I'd just like to make a little toast before we start our meal."

The table quiets. Mia and Ethan are hushing the kids table.

"On behalf of Ana and myself, I'd like to thank you all for making the trip here to spend the holiday with us.

My wife always reminds me the love of family and friends is much more valuable than privilege and wealth. She has taught me that family is the most important thing in the world.

Ana and I are very grateful to have our home filled with what we hold most precious to us, all of you. You are all very dear to us.

And to Ray, who we dearly miss. He will always remain with us in our memories and will always hold a special place in our hearts. To Ray."

Everyone lifts their glasses and toasts Ray in unison.

I look up at my husband, My bottom lip quivers, I purse my lips in a failed attempt to stop the tears from falling.

"Thank you." I mouth to Christian.

He gives me a quick wink then softly kisses me.

~o0o~

It's been another successful Christmas. The house is so quiet; you can hear a pin drop. Everyone has gone off to bed. I couldn't sleep, too many thoughts going through my mind. I quietly climb out of bed and head down to the sitting room. I flick on the switch to turn back on the tree lights.

I walk over to the tree, reach out and hold the ornament with Ray's picture.

I miss him so much. I wish he was here. I wish he was here so damn much. I could swear I feel his presence in the room, like a hug that you can't quite touch, but you know it's there, holding you, trying to keep you strong.

The tears begin to fall down my face. My heart is heavy. Will this pain ever go away? I shake my head and turn to go back to bed.

Christian is standing in the entranceway to the sitting room, quietly watching me.

"Oh, sorry. I hope I didn't wake you when I left," I murmur, as I quickly wipe away my tears.

He walks over to me and holds me.

"My brave Ana. I hate to see you like this. I wish I could take away your pain."

As I'm in the comfort of Christian's arms, I look up at him. He's teary-eyed. A small tear falls down his cheek and I realize how deeply he feels for me, for my pain. I reach up and wipe his tear away.

"You really do love me, don't you?" I shyly smile as the tears gently roll down my cheeks.

"You just figured this out?" He softly chuckles. "Every minute of every day."

He holds me tighter.

I know I will always miss Ray. That will never go away. It will take time for my heart to heal, but in a home surrounded by so much love, I know one day it will. We will celebrate holidays in years to come and Ray will always be a part of them, in our hearts.

With the love of this man holding me, unconditionally loving me, I know my broken heart will mend.

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