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A.N. – Wow! The response that I have gotten has been amazing. You are all amazing! I was planning on posting next month, but your response seriously inspired me, and the words just flew out of me. It also helped that I got a lot of work done last night, so I had some time today to write. Anywho, hope everyone enjoys!
To corkykellems, KrittleTwilighted, Willowstar23, funnechick, laugh0ften2012, RoseMarieCraves, Guest (2), sweetsouthernsongbird, booklovur217, Guest (1): Thanks sooo much for all your kind words! I am so happy that all of you guys weren't put off by the attachment disorder I gave Bella, and that it made sense to you. Seriously¸ reviews are love, so you guys rock!
Also, I, of course, would like to thank all those who followed, and favorited (even if you never reviewed). Just knowing that others read and enjoy my story enough to fav/follow is a wonderful feeling! Anwyho, on to the show! Hope everyone enjoys this chapter! :)
/I will be here when you think you're all alone, seeping through the cracks;
I'm the poison in your bones, my love is your disease;
I won't let it set you free till I break you.
You'll never know what hit you/
-The Devil Within, Digital Daggers
Chapter 2 – In Too Deep
The morning flies by fast—faster than love on the wings of butterflies. I keep picturing Jacob, but it only serves to make my father believe I have a fever. I convince him I don't, but I know I have to ground myself before I get to school. School.
I'm nervous, but beneath the nerves is a fire. This heat burns, and I'm snippy. I don't mean to be, but it's so hard.
I jump out of the truck, and I feel the eyes on me—they bore holes into my insecure soul…but I'm beautiful, aren't I? I felt beautiful last night. I still feel some kind of beautiful, and it calms the heat.
This fire, I know it isn't mine. I don't have anything to feel angry about...at least, I don't think so. Maybe I do. Who else would this feeling belong to?
I'm going crazy, for sure.
"Hey, you're Isabella, right?" an Asian boy with a big smile runs up to me.
"Bella, yea," I give him a small smile. I'm still trying to control the foreign fire inside.
"I'm Ben!" he says as he ushers me into the school. He introduces me to a girl named Angela, and her smile is so welcoming that perhaps...today might not be so bad.
I don't have class with Ben, but Angela has English with me and she introduces me to a girl named Jessica. She is the complete opposite of Angela. Where Angela is sweet and unassuming, Jessica is a force to keep up with. Normally, I would feel uncomfortable, but her extra fits perfectly for my fire. My fire burns. The class is long, but goes without incident.
Next class is – oh no – gym. When the class ends we all start to file out, like miserable soldiers.
"I'm in gym with you, c'mon," Jessica says as she grabs me by the arm. Apparently everyone thinks I'm incapable of movement on my own—whoa. It's the fire. Certain times throughout the day so far I've felt it spike.
Gym is a nuisance and I attack a lot of people, trying to play Volleyball badly. I hit a boy named Mike, and he gives me that look. But I'm Jacob's…right? His. Mine.
It's the pull again, tugging and tugging. It's looking for him, but he's not here. I shake my head, and try to get through gym class without any more disasters.
Lunch is an affair. Angela and Jessica introduce me to Tyler and Lauren. Lauren is aloof and slightly mean spirited, but I figure I'll stay clear of her if I can help it—fire! It burns hard, and I breathe deeply so as to not attract anyone's attention.
Everyone is rattling on, smiling at me and asking me questions. I focus on the questions instead of the heat, but it's so hard. The anger is building, and I don't know why. It's not mine, I know it. I know it, I'm not crazy. I can't be crazy…unless I am.
"Who are they?" I ask, as I try to focus on anything else besides the fire and the pull. I grip my textbook, trying to stay grounded. I'm okay, I'm okay.
"They're the Cullens," Jessica gushes. "They're all adopted but together, together."
The closer they walk towards me, the less okay I am. I'm so not okay.
Jessica points them all out to me: Jasper and Alice, Rosalie and Emmet, and Edward.
"No sister for him?" I joke, but it's just a ruse to get the fire out of me. Everyone laughs, even Lauren, and I realize that I might understand her a bit; if Lauren walks around with this kind of heat inside of her all the time, then it's no wonder she's a bit mean spirited.
I look towards the Cullens and Edward is glaring at me. His eyes are trained on me like a hunter, and I feel that fierceness inside of me. It wants to rise to the surface and tell him—dare him—to try something.
But I've always been the passive type, and this new wildness inside of me is making me off balance.
"Don't bother," Jessica says. I look sharply to her, and she nods her head towards Edward. "No one's good enough for him. Been here a year, and hasn't dated anyone."
"Oh, no, I wasn't—" I start to deny her assumption, but the idea that I would want anything to do with any of the Cullens—I don't know why, but it rubs me the wrong way. I'm sitting extremely stiff, and I'm stuttering because I'm trying not to tremble in fire.
"It's cool, if you have a thing for him, Bella. He is hot," Angela cuts in. They must think that I'm an idiot, but that word…
"I don't have a thing for Edward Cullen" I say as we all pack up and head out of the cafeteria. I turn my head and Edward is still glaring.
I stop by the lockers with Angela and Jessica—Mike and Lauren already headed off to biology. Tyler mentioned something about hooking up with some sophomore girl, but I hadn't been paying too much attention at the time. There's so much heat building up, up, up…I make an excuse and rush into the girls bathroom and into a stall. Breathe. Calm down. Breathe.
I wonder where Jacob is, and what he's doing. The fire calms for a moment, and I think that maybe there's something to this madness—my madness.
I rush out when the bell rings, and follow Jessica and Angela to biology. Everyone takes their seats and I'm left standing by the fan, waiting for the biology teacher to tell me where to go. He's a nice man with a kind smile, but the fan is blowing, and my nerves are getting to me with everyone staring at me.
It's too much. Breathe. I grip my textbook and try at a smile to distract from my heavy internal panic attack.
"Want to tell us something about yourself, Isabella?" He asks, not unkindly, but I want to claw and scratch at him. The fire is all mine right now. No. That's not right, I've never wanted to cause anyone harm. Focus. Just stay focused.
"Bella, and no. Not really." I let out a dry laugh, and everyone laughs with me. He chuckles lightly, and sends me to sit next to Edward Cullen.
The imperative to shirk back is so strong that my knuckles are white from holding on to my textbook so hard—I'm trying to ground myself, but the fire, the fire.
I walk hesitantly towards Edward and the closer I get, the further he moves away from me with a look akin to disgust. What is his problem? I want to yell, but frankly, what is mine? I'd never met or heard of him a day in my life, and yet there was this aversion to him automatically. The fire raged at the mere thought of Edward next to me. Anywhere near me.
The class went on and on, and Edward never moved from his uncomfortable position. Finally, the class ends and Mike is at my side asking me if I need a ride home. I decline, but walk out of school with everyone else.
Lauren and Tyler are talking quietly, Jessica is squeeling about something or other with Angela and me (though I'm not listening), and Mike and Ben are waving their arms around, about something manly, probably. Everything is moving around me, but then I see Jacob, Jacob, standing by my truck on his motorcycle, and the fire dissipates to a simmer.
The fire may be gone, but the pull is stronger than ever. It tugs and tugs, and all I hear is—
"Whoa, who is that hunk?" Jessica asks to no one. She doesn't know that's my truck he's standing next to. She doesn't know, but she will.
"That is mine" I say aggressively, but try to tone it down with a smile. Lauren looks at me, and nods her head a couple of times. We understand the fire, I think. Mike looks a little downtrodden, but the pull takes me away from him and before I think I jump into Jacob's arms.
I breathe him in slowly, and raggedly. He breathes me in just as deeply. Jacob runs his hands over the length of my backside, lower back, upper back, and hair. He's touching me, and did ever anyone want as much as us? My hands are roving the muscles on his shoulder and neck, and running through his hair.
"Hey" I manage to get out in a whisper. His heat sinks through my bones. The chill I had felt all day, and hadn't even known it, was gone.
"Hey" he lightly chuckles and kisses my forehead. It was barely anything, but if he pressed more I'm sure my body would go crazy, I need to feel him so badly.
"I'm pretty sure that we just witnessed live soft core porn," Lauren says. I turn and look at them all, standing and staring – the Cullens too, behind them, by their car—and I blush furiously. I tuck my head down in an effort to disappear; I had never been one for public displays of affection. Heck, I'd never been much for anything, before.
"Just wanted to make sure my girl had a good first day," Jacob smiles at everyone. There's an undertone of warning that I don't understand, but it's there. I hear it, and know it like I know the fire that is inside of me.
"Don't sweat it, man. We took care of her," Tyler answers. I barely spoke two words to Tyler, but apparently he took care of me. Maybe it's a guy thing. Lauren, Jessica, and Angela roll their eyes while Mike and Ben nod in agreement—yea, definitely a guy thing. I smile, knowing that Jacob can feel the stretch of my lips against his neck.
"Well, we should leave you guys to it. It was nice meeting you…" Angela realizes she doesn't know his name, and waits for Jacob to fill it in for her.
"Jacob," he responds smoothly. I notice that he doesn't give her his hand—that would mean letting go of me, and if he feels the pull like I do…
"I'm Angela, this is Jessica, Lauren, Mike, Ben, and Tyler" Angela gives out names and points them all out. I step back a tiny bit, so as to not seem rude. The pull tugs lightly, but I won't let it control me. I can't let it. Pull. Why did no one ever warn me about this kind of emotion?
Idle chit chat goes on around me, but I feel someone glaring at me—at us. I turn my head, and the entire Cullen clan is watching us. Goosebumps crawl up my arms, and Jacob looks at me swiftly. Rage, like I've never felt it, sweeps through me and around me. It whips my hair in the wind, and the fire is good. But the feeling is squashed as soon as it arrives, and I'm left wondering if I ever felt it at all. I'm not crazy, I'm not.
Everyone disperses and Jessica makes a motion for me to call her. I laugh, one good laugh from the gut—we never exchanged numbers.
"How was your day, really?" Jacob whispers to me. I wonder if I should mention the fire. I wonder if he'll think I'm crazy, but then I look into his eyes and gravity falls apart for a moment—I am weightless.
"It was cool. Less awkward than I was imagining, but still embarrassing." I smile shyly at him. He makes me bold…I realize that I threw myself at him—oh God, I threw myself at him!
"What was so embarrassing?" He asks teasingly. He already knows I'm mortified with my own lack of self-control. But I can't forget that he made me feel beautiful. I still feel some kind of beautiful under his gaze.
I shove him playfully away, but the pull doesn't understand that it's a joke—I would never want Jacob away.
Never is a long time. I barely know him.
The pull claws at me and my hands fly to my chest, but before I can make a spectacle of myself, Jacob lays his hand on the center of my chest. His hands are slightly calloused, and his heat burns into my flesh, but it's good. The pull doesn't snap and break; it relaxes, and I relax with it.
"Hey, hey, we're good, honey. We're okay" he soothes, and maybe the fire burns him too. Maybe the pull tugs him too. Or maybe I've lost my mind.
"Did you skip class?" I ask him, realizing that he actually is here and the reservation school lets out at the same time. I frown slightly—I'm too familiar. He might hate my presumptuous nature, but I'm his, right? That has to mean I have certain privileges…
"The walls were caving in on me," he nods, and sighs. There's a world in his eyes, storming and fighting—there is so much that I don't know, and yet, I know him.
"I know the feeling," I try to empathize. It's a lie, but one that I'm sure he needs to hear. The walls hadn't caved in on me today; instead, the fire had been trying to burn me from the inside out.
"So, what were you saying about not being a social butterfly?" Jacob leans away from me and I adjust my bag.
"Must be all the rain, brings out the Rebecca Sharp in me" I roll my eyes.
A pause. It springs insecurity up inside me, and I'm itching for my books. Maybe he'll think I'm a nerd, and won't get the refere—
"Vanity Fair? Really?" He smirks, and I'm curious. I go to ask him when he read the novel without a hero, but he beats me to the question and says, "Saw the movie, and that was way more than what I bargained for, too."
The way he said it, and the look on his face, makes me positive that he had hated it. I can't help but smile; I'm smiling so wide that the laugh lines on my face feel the stretch, too. He smiles back at me, and his smile engulfs mine in a universe made up of smiles and laughter. Mine. No. I'm his, but he never said he's mine. Mine, the ache declares—okay…for now.
"So, headed home?" he asks, but his eyes are somewhere else. They are looking far into the forest, and I wonder what he sees that I don't. I wonder, but don't ask—it's none of my business.
"Yea, you?"
"Yea. I was nowhere near the neighborhood, but thought I'd catch you and make sure I don't have to beat anyone up for messing with the newbie," He jokes. His eyes swivel to me, and I know that he would beat up everyone for me.
"Well…you can…catch me…anytime" I say timidly—the fire in my face burns like molten lava. I shouldn't be so forward, but he shouldn't inspire so much want inside of me, either.
"Be careful what you wish for," he moves forward and shoves his hands into my hair. He breathes deeply, and a small growl courses through his frame. "Catching you is all I want to do, right now, last night, yesterday, all the damn time since I laid eyes on you," he whispers roughly.
"Hey, hey" I run my hands across his cheek , to his neck, and back again. "I'm right here. I-I'm right here." The words are torn from me. I don't know where the words came from, or why they sound so right, but I don't deny them or fight them. He needs to hear them, I know he does.
"Sure, sure" he says and nods. He shakes his head a bit and lets out a dry laugh, "guess we should go our separate ways."
The pull doesn't like the idea, but I won't be controlled. I am not a lovesick puppy—we just re-met! I find myself inviting him over anyway.
"I wish I could, but I've got some things to handle over on the rez," he declines. I know the disappointment shows on my face, so I turn my face to look anywhere but him.
My eyes land on the Cullens who haven't moved an inch—staring at us. I don't like it. I naturally want to squirm, but the fire still simmers and it won't let me look away. The fire pulls my face into a glare—Cullen's. Enemy, it says to me, but that can't be.
I'm not crazy, I'm not.
"It's cool," I lie. It's not cool, this space that I feel in my body where I know he's supposed to be. I want him, deeply.
"How about I pick you up tomorrow morning and drop you off, and swing by after school to take you home? If you don't mind being a little early—I can't exactly afford any more lateness' myself" he smiles sheepishly.
It's such a boyish look on his face that I feel thrown and young with him. I smile and nod my head eagerly, too eagerly, and I try to tone it down but I know he sees the shine in my eyes. I know he can see through me, I know.
"Yea, that's—that's great! Perfect, actually," I say honestly. I get to start my day with him, and finish it with him. My body heats up at the prospects that loom and I blush at my own sudden nature. The pull isn't barking at me, and the fire isn't going crazy, and yet I feel so unbalanced and wonderful with Jacob's arms still around me.
"Great!" he smiles wide. I smile back. It's natural and honest in a world filled with artifice.
The next morning I wake up extra early. I take extra care to look nice, but I wonder if I still look plain. I worry if I look overdone, or….too many anxieties assault me, and I can only breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Fire. Oh no! The fire!
I know the fire doesn't belong to me, just like I knew yesterday, but something about it isn't foreign. Something about the fire feels ingrained in me-like it was there all along, and I just discovered it.
"Bells!" Charlie yells from downstairs. "Jacob's here."
My heart lurches. Pull. I resist for a moment. I won't be a puppet to my emotions. I can't be a puppet to my emotions, but the fire burns low, and the pull tugs so hard. It wants him. I want him.I can't resist any longer, and frankly, I don't want to. The hours in the night had fled by, and now it feels as though I had gone to sleep with Jacob's heat still on me, and woken up cold. Alone. Vulnerable.
I grab my book bag and my favorite Jane Austen novel, and head downstairs carefully. I don't want to trip, but the thought of tripping and falling into Jacob's arms makes blood rush to my face. I trip anyway, and stumble through the last few steps. I must look like a tomato, but I eagerly turn towards the kitchen.
I know Jacob is in there. I know. And he is. He sits there, smiling, leaning on his forearms on the kitchen table, completely relaxed. He looks like the sun.
"Hey," I say slightly breathlessly. He stole the breath from me. He stole it, and I wish that I had known him before forks. Truly known him, not simply as a childhood friend that I barely remembered once I left the confines of Forks. I wish fervently, for a moment, that he could steal my breath away for the rest of my life.
No! We barely know each other. Pull. The pull tells me that I know all I'll ever need to know. But logic saves me from myself. Dealing with this fire and inside-pull-it feels like it's too much. Perhaps I should talk to Renee. She'll explain to me why she never mentioned these types of feelings, and why I'm feeling them now.
"Hey," he says. His baritone fills me completely, and I want him. The want is sudden and ferocious and overwhelming. My blush takes over my entire body, and I am aflame is so many ways.
Jacob must see the want in my eyes, because his eyes smolder in response. He stands, walks over to me, and whispers, "how'd you sleep?"
He must be trying to reign it all in. I can sense that we're both too close to some invisible edge. We're both too close.
"Umm...good. Real good," I whisper back, but the blush doesn't disappear. How am I going to survive wanting him like this?
"Uhh, okay guys," Charlie interrupts, clearly awkward with our intensity. "You guys better get a move on before you start running late."
Jacob and I both smile at Charlie's discomfort. The smiles seem to replace our desire, and suddenly I can breathe. I can breathe, and I hadn't noticed that I couldn't before.
"Lead the way," I say to Jacob. Jacob puts his hand at the small of my back and ushers me toward the front door.
He yells out a quick "see ya later, Charlie," which reminds me that I completely ignored Charlie just now. I shout, "Bye, dad!" and just like that we're out the door. But in front of us are two options – His bike or my truck.
I like the idea of holding him in my arms, letting the wind whip past my hair – it sounds like my perfect version of freedom. But then we wouldn't be able to talk. Jacob must be thinking the same thing because he suggests my truck.
"Only thing is, if we take your truck, I'll have to take it with me to the rez," he says, but he's already opening the passenger door for me.
"It was yours first. I'm sure you'll take good care of it," I smile timidly. I want to say that I trust him implicitly, but I don't know. Too much. Too soon.
"I'll treat it like a queen," he says huskily, and I'm sure that we're no longer talking about the truck. The fire in me bubbles so good, and the pull tugs and tugs. It wants me in his arms, but I can't let myself be ruled, and so I bite my lip. I bite, and Jacob's hand lifts and tugs it out.
Heat like I've never known before assaults me, and my breathing speeds up. He must feel the heat too, because he groans lightly.
"We can't start something right now, Bella," he breathes out. "Because if we do, neither of us are gonna make it to class."
There's fire in his eyes. There's a volcano waiting, waiting, waiting, and I want to know his fire so bad. I want to feel what he feels, but I know that this isn't the time or the place. I look away, ashamed that, if given a few moments more, I would throw myself at him just as I had every time we've seen each other so far.
"Sorry," I mumble and blush.
"You blush a lot," Jacob notes and pulls out the driveway.
I can see Charlie looking out the window at us. There's a worry in his eyes that I know I put there, but I can't find it in me to care. I want to. I do. But, after feeling this fire, how could I not want more?
"Hazard of being so pale, I guess," I nod and smile self-deprecatingly.
"I like it," he maneuvers the car the way he seems to do everything: effortlessly.
"I look like a tomato!" I laugh. It's a good feeling and I wonder if I could always feel like this.
"Good thing I love tomatoes" he smirks, but there's something in me…a knowing.
"Do you really?" I look at him inquiringly. I don't know why I need to ask, but I do. He looks away from the road for a second and I'm wrapped up in eyes made of the darkest gold, the purest passion.
"No," he shakes his head. "Not really. But I do like you flushed. I like that it's for me."
He shrugs, but there's an honesty to his words that he can't mask. Pull, and suddenly I'm over on his side of the truck.
Jane Austen falls from my lap.
My hands touch his arm, and it's like he's on fire he feels so feverish. Perhaps the fire burns him inside out too. Perhaps he's just farther along than I am. Insane. Crazy. No. I'm not crazy. I feel it, deep within me, that he burns bright for me.
"It is…for you," I whisper, and I hope it's not too much. Too much. Too soon. But I don't want to lie. I can't lie. I don't want him to doubt that this, whatever this is, is for him. Mine.
He guns into the school parking lot and swiftly parks in a few moments. He gets out of the truck, walks to my side, and opens the door. Insecurity springs up inside me. Maybe I am crazy, and alone in this. Maybe I had been too forward. Maybe— where's my book? I feel my chest tightening slowly, the anxiety working its way up, inside me. I could have sworn that I had brought it—oh. It's on the floor. Alone. Just like I feel.
But that's not true. Even now, I don't feel alone. I feel fire and pull and want like I've never imagined. Even now.
I grab my bag and Jane Austen, and turn my body to get out but he doesn't move out my way. My legs dangle on the outside of the car. I feel assertiveness grip me and I get out of the truck.
I slide down into the small space between Jacob and the truck. My body glides against his as I come down, and I can hear his breath, ragged.
He raises both hands and lets them find their place in my hair. I can't look away.
He tugs on my hair lightly, and all I feel is a massive pulse throughout my entire body. Do it again. Please. I want to beg, but no! I am not ruled by—please.
I'm going crazy in so many ways, and suddenly Jacob is kissing my forehead. I want more. So much more, and so does he. I know like I've never known anything else before.
"Fuck!" he whispers harshly. "You have no idea how much you set me off."
I press my body closer. More. I need more. Of what? Anything. Everything.
The pull is completely at ease, and the fire doesn't bother me with its presence. This is all me. Him. Us.
"So… what are you going to do about it?" I say breathlessly. I'm not usually so forward, but I'm gripping Jane Austen like my life depends on it. Mine.
He takes a huge calming breath and says, "Absolutely nothing, because we're in an open parking lot."
The reminder awakens my senses. I'm completely mortified, and I jump back but there's nowhere to go. I look around us and once again see the Cullens and my newly made friends sneaking glances at us.
"There's that blush," he chuckles, and it calms me. I smile shyly. I'm his, right? What does it matter that others know it too.
I remind him that he doesn't want to be late, and he touches my neck softly. He concedes that he should go and turns away from me. The pull doesn't like it, being so far away from him, but I stand slightly rigid. I won't be controlled.
I see him pause, and I look to where he's looking. He's staring at the Cullens, and Fire burns me. Disgust and hate unlike anything I've ever felt hits me. It tramples over my emotions, clawing at my chest, and just as suddenly it's gone.
He continues his walk to the driver's side. The wind shuffles and the drizzle begins to fall.
"Do you have any classes with any of the Cullens?" he asks me from over the hood of the truck.
"Umm…yea. One or two, I think. Why?" I ask. I know I have biology with Edward, for sure. I'm not quite sure about any other yet, I'd only been in class one full day.
"Me and the Cullens," he speaks slowly. "have a long standing issue. I'd feel better if you steered clear of them," he shrugs nonchalantly, like it's no big deal either way to him.
He's anything but nonchalant. His shoulders are tense and his muscles flex lightly. I don't tell him that I want nothing to do with the Cullens. Instead, I say, "Consider it already done."
I'm his. I want him to know, not just in a physical sense. But I don't know him, I have to remind myself. Not really. But…
He is the sun, shining, bright, overpowering, as he smiles at me. He waves at Jessica and the gang, gets into the vehicle, and leaves just as suddenly as he was here.
I am left, wanting, pining, with this pull, but there is a comfort in knowing that he'll be back. Just seven more hours to go.
I turn and walk towards Jessica. As soon as I reach her, she pounces.
"Oh my god, Bella! You're dude is seriously hot!"
Her words make me laugh, and I nod my head timidly, because, really, he truly was "seriously hot!"
Mine. Yea, I guess he is mine, too. But he never said he was mine. Mine. I think of his touch, and look into myself for a second. The inner-knowing that I've discovered within me. Maybe, this is what becoming a woman is all about.
This revelation puts a secret smile on my face the rest of the day, as I wait, wait, wait, for his return.
Sooo? What do you guys think? I tried to add another layer to the J/B Imprinted dynamic, so let me know what you think, and how it worked for you guys! Did you even notice the extra layer? Was it too subtle? Not enough? Anywho, liked it? Hated it? Let me know and review!