*** Just a few notes. 1st off I want to thank everyone again for reading and reviewing. I don't know how other fanfic writers feel when they check their e-mail and find 20 reviews at a time, but I practically jizz in my pants. I'm addicted to your reviews.

2nd While this story may be reaching it's end, it's becoming apparent to me that there will have to be sequels. I really did not have any forethought whatsoever about the whole Sophie-Ann making Sookie her heir apparent, it just flowed that way as I was typing. I was just as surprised as everyone else about that turn of events.

3rd I have had about 10 private messages regarding this from 10 different readers and I'm not going to name any names but I think I should just do an open response. No, I promise you that I am NOT Charlaine Harris writing ESN under a pen name. Believe you me, if I were indeed her, my punctuation and grammatical and sentence structure would be infinitely better. Plus I would be typing on a laptop that cost a LOT more than my $400.00 Acer Aspire. But it's cool that you think I could be her! She's the shit!

4th I have had one solitary complaint about Sookie being made vampire, and it wasn't specifically that but the fact that the threesome will not happen before she's turned. I had planned on having the menage a trois with her still human but my fickle muse didn't allow it. Sorry if I disappointed anyone. But please know that just as Sookie was never a typical human, she most certainly won't be a typical vampire. She's had time to observe the vampire way of life where most of these vamps she's observing didn't have any knowledge that supes even existed until they were turned. She's always had this telepathy which has given her insight into the minds of others and now, she's ingested more blood than any human ever has without actually (before now) being turned, PLUS she's been given the blood of Vlad Dracul himself by Sophie-Ann.

5th I don't even have a 5th, no wait, yes I do. Thanks for all the congrats you guys sent me about my new job! Makes me feel special! And oh yeah, if you are an Alexander Skarsgard fan, I highly recommend you watch Generation Kill for an overload of him in all his nom-nom-nomminess! He's no vampire but he is a HOT-ASS US Marine (hoo rah) and that has to be a damn close second! YUMM, a US Marine who also happens to be a 1000 year old vampire, drool drool! I need sleep!

Now, what are you waiting for? FUCKING READ THE STORY!

Chapter 45

Musings Of A Miserable, Rotten,

Bitch Of A Vampire.

You Know Her, You Love Her, It's Pam!

Pam's POV

I really turned my shining moment into a total cluster fuck. There was no way to save face. I had let Eric down, almost gotten Sookie killed and had caused Quinn to receive grievous injuries with my ineptitude. They should change the saying from "That's fucked up!" to "That's Pammed Up!"

I guess you could say I was inconsolable for the first two days after Eric and Sookie went to ground. I refused all blood, synthetic and donated. I refused to answer the phone when Chow called to see why I hadn't come in to Fangtasia. On the third day I drove to a little town just over the Texas border called Silsbee and murdered four horny college kids just because they had the misfortune of being the first humans I saw. I had drained all four of them and taken my time pulling their bodies apart into tiny little pieces. I didn't feel any better after having done this. I made myself vomit the blood because I didn't deserve the sustenance it provided me. Although I had never met a depressed vampire, I had a feeling that I was a walking study of undead mental disorders.

I drove back from Silsbee, covered in gore, hair, blood and bone fragments. I knew I was a mess. I didn't want to go home and I needed to clean up before the hour of Eric and Sookie's awakening. I decided to go to Eric's, I could shower there and change. I had always kept a stash of clothes there, in case of emergency. As I entered the downstairs area, I was flabbergasted by the amount of damage Eric had caused in his fit of rage. You could tell that an effort had been made to clean up once upon a time. I could guess what had been the source of the interruption. I felt anger, extreme unbalanced ire and hostility that made me want to break and smash and destroy! I plopped down on the messy bed and flung myself backwards. Then I thought of all the exchanges of bodily fluids that had occurred on those sheets and flung myself upright. What the fuck was I so angry about? I should be happy that Eric had found someone like Sookie, glad that Sookie would soon be much less breakable and she was alive!

When I realized what had me so distressed, it was like having a cold bucket of water thrown in my face. I was upset because I didn't know how I would fit into the picture now that Eric and Sookie were bound. Well whip me, beat me and take away my Amex.

It had always been Eric and I. We were never a couple but we had always had each other to fall back on. We had relied on each other in a lot of situations.

Fangbanger's looking less than appetizing tonight? Call your friend with benefits.

Just wanting a straight up satisfying fuck with no games and no strings? Call your friend with benefits.

Feeling like you just want someone to watch some porn with? Call your friend with benefits.

Who would be my friend with benefits now that Sookie could take care of all those needs for him.

Jesus H., I sounded like a desperate old woman who's realized that she's far past her prime and alone. Oh my god, that WAS me!

I started cleaning up the mess in a daze but at hyper speed. Soon I had things reorganized and the things beyond salvage thrown into the black plastic bags I found in the corner underneath a huge purple vibrator and some handcuffs. I mourned the loss of what I had dreamed of doing to a human Sookie. It just wasn't meant to be. I stripped my clothes off and threw them away. There was no way I was taking that shit to Armand, my dry cleaner. He was an Italian vamp with a hair trigger temper and a passion for really cheesy western clothing. I shuddered when I thought of him, he truly frightened me.

I climbed into the shower and turned the hot water on. I let the scalding flow wash over me and I felt the effects of the last three nights catch up to me. I felt like I might cry but I didn't have enough fluid in me to produce the crimson tears. I didn't have the energy to get angry again. I was simply defeated. I couldn't let my maker and his new mate awaken and find me in this state. I scrubbed the remains of the four unfortunate college boys off of me and steeled my resolve.

I would find a way to make restitution for my horrible fuck-up.

I would be truly happy for Sookie and Eric. This really was what I wanted from the beginning after all.

I would find a new friend with benefits. Plain and simple. And I had someone in mind already. He just had to survive those life threatening injuries that Jade Flower had given him right before she had nearly cut my head off. After all, it's obvious the dumb fuck had a thing for me, he had gotten those stab wounds trying to protect me after all.

**** I know, short chapter. You guys are spoiled but I haven't slept in 3 days now and I am having a hard time focusing! More tomorrow, I promise!